Covers and Originals

 Was given a pub card about another show. I don't think it is as good, and is a bit more contrived but it isnt' bad and just maybe different. 

A collage show vs just a photo show... images are technically good from the screen but also missing some tonality I try to capture. 

It seems more along the lines of what i was doing in 2011 with the J&WU Edible Nanoscape show. Perhaps he got the idea from that? Unlikely but who knows.

RM posted something about heavy metal covers of Lightfoot's Edmund Fitz song. Shared one that just seemed like a little more rock and roll, so I dug into the depths a bit two. Found two good ones...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjjjixDv3wE and https://youtu.be/rAra9YYFpis 

And then promptly put on this:

All the while balancing everything else. Another unexpected and appreciated schedule break. Almost like a planned unstructured moment. Dashing from one thing to another but still insanely busy, all the while being relieved not to be talking for 4 hours straight and being totally 100% focused. Fitting in this here and there. 

Re-edit when interrupted mid thought. catching the train in many places at once.

There's a really massive amount of shit out there in the world to weigh one down and fuel depressive hopeless feelings... metering out the dosage so you're not oblivious but also not incapacitated is tricky. Slipped a little down the incapacitation slope earlier today, trying to dig myself back out. Surprisingly managing okay.

Oh and it is weird to have the kid just walk out of the house with their bags, get in the car and leave. Alone. Really, weird. 

Guess I should probably not forget to eat lunch. 

And not forget to hit publish...

heddwch
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moments

 Grabbing them here and there.

Thinking too much but being too tired to think critically or helpfully.

A few people that shouldn't have and who've managed to avoid it so far caught some of the covid - i know more people I interact with that have come down with covid in the last two weeks than the whole two years before. 

Kind of crazy.

Also I don't really interact with that many people. Maybe my internet friends have gotten it and not shared that they got it. But still.

Seems significant. Sure everyone's symptoms are mild but still, that's just what is presented, not what you can't see. This fucking virus is insane.

Had another fortuitous cancellation this afternoon. Downside is it meant a project got stopped earlier than it needed too but it was already 177GB so plenty of data to work with as it is. More would have been unmanageable.

Went to ride up to the printer, went to leave bike felt funny. Front tire was flat. I just filled it up this morning.

30 min of futzing (including soapy water) and nothing. no hole but the valve was a little sticky, could have just not been tightened all the way down after filling it up this morning? Dunno. It was a bummer. But gave the Frame pump a bit of cleaning up.

Watch out on the roads - kid is driving. Today was the first day. To school, to practice (presumably) and hopefully home. She's solid, patient and very much not wanting to follow the lead of all her classmates (hitting shit). Have to admit - i'm pretty anxious for her, but also feel comfortable with her driving. The last handful of trips in the car while she was driving were really good - she was confident and seemed comfortable and attentive. I shouldn't be worried, I'm not really but it is hard not to be as a parent.

But kids grow up, oldest never did get a license, let the permit expire without doing much with it, just too much to learn how to drive at the time. And they're okay with being in the city with a bike and public transport. And that's f'n cool. 

So far the same fucking tube that was flat is holding air.

Trying to trim a few blocks down in this time space but that means starting it and then letting it run. Cutting 500µm at a time. Just on the edges. More critical cutting happens in a second, or tomorrow. Maybe.

Started off feeling like I had a plan with the words here today, so maybe just going through the motions, getting back into the rhythm. 

Might have a tailwind tonight, we'll see. 

best wrap it up and head home and start making dinner.

get up first, make coffee, wake kid up, make them breakfast, pack my lunch, shower or not, head to work, head home, make dinner, sit for an hour, go to bed. wake up, repeat.

wonder why i'm tired all the time

but things are good

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
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140 characters of time

 or whatever it is now, hell you can post a 1,000 chirp thread, and that's more than that character limit, so is there really a limit anymore?

No, and now the potential takeover has me thinking, well, maybe it is a good thing. Honestly though there are people I never would have met or connected with that I appreciate all the time from that free webpage. There's a good handful of folks from the old G+ days that I still see there and call a friend.

It was a unique place, but I suppose that's the whole point of a social network they change and where ever we all wind up, everything dies and this current conciousness ends. No one is posting on social networks after they die, not yet. We haven't fully mapped the brain and the connections and made AI versions of ourselves like Ready Player Two talks about or Scalzi's OMW or any other brain copy sci-fi books... We are who we are at this time until our time.

Had a friend mention that well we don't know what happens after, maybe it is way better than this? Either way - be it nothing - endless sleep and the cessation of 'us' or an afterlife of hell or heaven a reunion of all the past generations - perhaps we do wander the earth as a spirit...Doesn't change the fact that our digital space is purely here and now.

And like the human race, seemingly more and more just a blip on the planetary time scale.

Fuck I get a panic attack anxiety flush just thinking about that, thinking about how short the time is here and the heart breaking inability to know what will happen next. We'll likely never know the end of the story... Will it end? 

The gallery show maybe has made me think more directly about what I went through this fall. Death, that feeling when I turned 50. My dad. My mother's heart failure and how little time she has left given that condition. Spending time with her, really understanding how much constant pain she's in and how challenging the path forward for her is, it is overwhelming. 

And then the whole Sars-CoV-2, the mistakes made over the last two years, the number of people continuing to get it... a couple things have been occupying my background thought processes:

1) vax status and "long-covid" (not just obvious symptoms but the hidden, heart and other issues)

2) post covid susceptibility to more severe TBI/Concussions. It is documented that Sars-CoV-2 can cause the brain to shrink. Given the mechanism of TBI, more space means higher force and that means potentially more severe concussion symptoms and increased recovery duration. Wondering if that's maybe why RF's super long symptom duration is persisting?

Also since 'long-covid' health issues can be asymptomatic or apparently dormant until triggered, the full depth of this virus might never be completely understood for a very very long time... if ever. That's what I'm basing my personal risk assessment on. 

There's a fuck ton of other shit bouncing around in my head but I'm really tired.

There's so much to do, but even still things are okay. If not good. Even though there's so much bad out there and so many people I know and love are struggling. And for the most part I can't do anything for them and that's the worst.

I did finally get out in the woods. Had a fabulous ride. Then my crank arm fell off again. yeah the bolts were tight. it isn't a good situation, can't get new cranks for that, might have to scour the internet for NOS. Being an outlier sucks when the industry is cutting down SKUs and chasing stupid trends. No I can't ride a bike with a seat tube that steep and no, I can't seem to pedal cranks shorter than 180mm w/o being in serious pain. And NO i don't know why that is. And Yes, it sucks. But it is what it is.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
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I'll try to be a bit more regular - we'll see, fuck I may just pick up and move over here totally. But even though I know there are a couple of you reading this - it isn't the same as the other place...

really well cooked

 Check the link in the last post and you can re-watch it. Guess they left the recording up so you can re-watch it. I'm still not ready to watch myself, already pretty self critical I'd pick myself apart, but lots of people thought it went well so I'm avoiding dispelling their impression of the artist talk and avoiding actually doing more than finding that we start talking at the 47 minute mark.

Finally got on the bike this morning, another long break. April is gonna be a light month. Maybe that's a good thing? Dunno but there are plenty of other stressors, can only do so much...

Trying to sit here to gather the energy to ride home... 

Tomorrow's another really INSANE day that hopefully will go well

Semester has a few weeks left, then, well then I think it'll be time for a handful of mental health days, aka get on the bike and ride... 

At least after I rest and recover a little.

Just have to push a little further...

heddwch

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virtual opening?

 Yeah there is one:
check it here

This is the link to the live stream tomorrow night.

No passwords or signups are needed so people can go right to the link at 7pm

https://evt.live/nebi-gallery

In case you wanted to see me attempting to act like an artist and say words about my dad without breaking down into full on sobs.

Busy f'n day, heading down there now, unknowns but oddly not obsessing about them because I can't control them and being so far away and practicing this has helped just roll even deeper with the GeWilli Chill...

words, will have to improv some words, try to hit the bullet points and put them in a natural order but scripting?

Let the words flow, like when I get in a groove here, sometimes they just come rolling out faster than my fingers can capture them, and I trip up a little and get lost, but I'm also not trying to talk for a huge long time so hopefully I won't.

let the work speak for itself, give the background, brief outline, people can ask if they want more details...

let it be what it is

time to hop in the car and drive for a while

got thinking, started on Wed morning...  hugs...  is the best part of the bike racing all the hugs with all the amazing people I've had the fortune to meet? Sure there are people who don't want hugs and for them just seeing them, and then not hugging them, that's almost as good as a hug...

side track - another side track, masks, going to be game time call if i mask the whole time or just when I'm not talking, but if no one shows maybe I can just chill and not. We'll see. bringing options... and myself.

time to drive

heddwch

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Waves from the weeds

 Hitting the wall already. it is fucking tuesday though.

That's not good.

Wrapped up a training session early - by a few minutes, after an insane morning. Not sleeping well with all the stuff going on. I had managed to cut back on coffee a little while in Seattle. Saturday had a little too much of it and well...  didn't sleep well and here I am paying for that.

Not even any good riding. Working on the exhibit stuff.

Speaking of: https://nebigallery.org/

I told y'all about it right? You're gonna be there? Right? Maybe too far away. 

But it is soaking up all the fucking time I have. Like ALL of it and I'm already pretty overwhelmed just trying to recover from being gone for 5 days. 

Still recovering from it.

But the gallery is opening, I'm excited, I think. Headed down there tonight. I wish it was a lot close but it is where it is and is such a unique opportunity that I couldn't say no and well...  here we go. Somehow have to make it till Friday night when the opening happens and then home.

But it is only Tuesday. 

But besides hitting the wall things are good. It is weird? But a really nice change.

Sorry about the mostly radio silence... gotta get through this shit first. then get back it all.

heddwch

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