exhibit A

 busier than a one manned operation that just expanded capacity 20% and just as demand doubled for the existing offerings. 

hi 

that's me

I have a few minutes before a meeting. Just finished eating lunch. I know. It is 2:40pm. 

Been kind of a roller coaster of crazy. Like an email from the bike company I EP'd the frame from (30% below cost is best on a whole bike, but still not insignificant on a frame esp a silly high end spec one) on friday saying my order is cancelled. Um. That's close to a $1000 price increase (discount plus tax) if they don't release a new model year version of it (there's still hope).

New system, heavy lifting. Riding. Mt Biking. Riding...

Last week I got the Black Blue all tuned up, woke up early and headed out and did the OG short version of the Mark smackdown solo. Felt rough at first, not great but then I started to feel better as the ride went on. And planned on hitting smackdown East but the weather kind of said, nah. 

Ninigret has started but it is a long drive after work. Dirty smackdown Thursday was fun, def better on the Black Mamaba CX tires than the Toureg gravel ones. More knobs would be nice but not ones as tightly spaced as most of what I'm seeing. I am kind of a mud tread fan. Not the Limus style that totaly suck when it isn't wet, more of a rocket ron/XR4 style. 

Dug out the Stache for saturday morning before work. Got a nice hour in on the single speed. Yeah def thinking about the 24 hour race coming up sooner than later. The plan last year was to race a bunch of marathon SS races...  racing isn't fully back and the ones that are on the calendar have had a timing conflict. Working on a few plans. One is I need a long 4-6 hr ride, or a couple of them. Logistically is nuts. Esp in the heat. BUT what if I did laps instead of trying to do a monster loop. Could almost do that loop I did Saturday over and over again. Stop in for fuel and fluid at the lot every other lap or every lap. Might be a good way to recreate the 24 hr race and get a really long paced MTB ride in.

Sunday was Arcadia on the new bike. I rode more of the 666 in some places and less in others. The SE4 tires REALLY hook up on the wet slimy rocks. Much better than the Maxxis or whatever tires everyone else had on. There's still a few lines I need to work on before I'd think about racing the course there.

Yesterday was smackdown in 97 heat. It was warm. I felt good and the heat wasn't bad. I wasn't fast but I mananged to dangle behind the A group (we left in a combined group) until Pine when they all went nuts, I kept a few in sight, and dragged them all back before we got half way up Rocky Hill, I drilled it hard and didn't have much left for the top but didn't lose contact over the top and hit hillside. ouch that one hurt but again not terrible. A few people def were feeling the heat. I felt good. I haven't looked at the time but honestly the bike felt good. 

I put new bar tape on it on Monday (took the day off  - use it or lose it vacation day) and while the BB/crank is a bit creaky and the shifting isn't perfect (needs new housing - the long rear piece only) it rides very nicely, a good road bike feeling. 

Time to blast - maybe more on everything else later

heddwch
G

missed it

 Didn't realize it was so early - kept thinking it was after the kid's birthday and my anniversary but I guess not, should be much easier to remember if I can remember to remember.

Not remembering isn't the worst. But it still feels good to mark the point of 3 years of sobriety. There's no going back, and that is good. And while I would so much like to go back and do so many things differently I am here now, in this place, because of them, so hey - like the midnight library conclusion, none of the other paths I would have walked would have led me here. 

And here I am. it is good. And I'll keep going forward, one step, one pedal stroke, at a time.

I am so grateful for this growing group of sober friends, both in their choice and change and the revealing that they are. And even those friends who've been sober for over 20 years, just as supportive and understanding, it is pretty cool. CJ's tweet earlier today kind of kicked it off esp after Chandler (wookie) retweeted it.

Then I had to check. Easy to check, What day did Bourdain die? Okay the next day is the first day sober for me. 

This song came up today and well, it is a good one for this: 

I rode smackdown last night. didn't change the tires - rode the 45s (same tires as dirty smack that i was complaining about the handling - it feels fine on the road most of the time) put 40 psi in them. But they are slow, really slow, takes so much work to get them rolling and keep em rolling. They aren't light and they have tons of grip but that also means they have lots of resistance. I worked my butt off then got dropped then just rolled around, then Syl and Burke turned around and waited for me and we rode back together. 
It was good, not bad, but def need to figure out the tire situation. Not sure what tires to run on Thursday if I head out for Dirt Smack this week. 

Feeling fatter - pants agreeing with the assessment, but also feeling good, so? trying to work on the whole just be okay with me and focus on just pedaling and stop worrying about food and weight. It isn't easy.

And I really need to get a few all day rides in - missing them, not the HOTM level bullshit - just back on them, or at least get a couple in before the 24hour race.

Last night was a test. the flight back from Florida was delayed and delayed and instead of me driving to the airport for a pick up at 10:40pm I was headed there at 1:15am. Kid is back for a few days, then off to some amazing and impressive stuff. And, well, i must have been more caught up on rest than I thought because it wasn't a big deal. Feeling only slightly tired today. Good stuff.

Lots of good stuff, moments of dark clouds are few and brief...  it is good. 

Should probably eat lunch before I have to dive into 3 hours of talking and focused instruction.

Maybe... 

heddwch

G

don't trip and fall

 Stumbling around, kind of. 

Fortunately my internal homing pigeon brain is not the worst at keeping going even when the direction is uncertain.

Wahoo is much better for following a serpentine new england GPS track in the woods, even good at dealing with GPS location drift. 

But lately it has just been kind of auto-pilot for the rest. In that I'm just going furiously and then hoping that the habits of getting it down mean it'll get done.

Had a good week of riding over the last 7 days. Took Saturday off the bike, but three bigger rides (hours wise). Tuesday did for sure suck. Thursday I punched a tree hard (drop bars in the hoods and ouch) and realized that the tires on there are probably really messing up the handling. Could be tread patter, could be that they are so tall. Changing wheel size enough that it means the trail has change and the handling has gone to shit. the balance/flop point is different. And yeah I know, the 45s shouldn't have made that much difference but on a bike designed for 33c tires and putting REALLY round and tall 45s (vs the wide 45s like the riddler) up front makes the bike un-natural.

Anyway, I haven't changed the tires. Not sure if I go back to the light but thin black mambas or the old worn WTB tires...  trying to resist getting some Maxxis tires. 

Also - 44x26 is pretty tall for Dirt Smack trails, might as well be on the singlespeed. I mean it is still way lighter than the 38x15 that was on there before. But it is just a few gear inches lighter than the standard MTB SS gear inch magic number and that's supposed to be a balance. 

And yeah while I'm loving riding the full suspension right now I'm gonna need to make sure I get back on the SSMTB because of the whole 24 HOGG coming up. Solo Singlespeed. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING!!!!!

Have been eating pretty well alone. Making some good and fun and tasty meals no one else would eat. Lots of mushrooms and stuff. 

Last night though, super tired so I just made a salad. the me size bowl was already dirty (made salad friday night and bowl is in the dishwasher) so I thought maybe I'll be civilized and make the salad in a salad bowl and then I'll serve it on my own plate. Well I made too much salad, but since I put dressing on it all I ate it all, it was way too much salad but whatever. It was good.

Finishing the Stew i made on Friday (ate half for lunch on Saturday - the other half now) yeah that's why i made salad, realized that starting a stew at 5:30 meant it wouldn't be really ready for dinner till well after dinner time, hence the salad.

Debating tomorrow's smackdown options, thinking I might do the OG unmodified course, start at Faunce, let all the hot heads do their east smack. Not keen on doing it alone but maybe that's better, starting of doing it alone and not having expectations. Although not sure I can leave work early enough to get home to let the dogs out and then get back out again. And then there's the weather. 

Of course you've probably heard the news about Harris Cycle closing. The repository of the Sheldon Brown archives.

I, like an idiot, missed out on riding with Sheldon way back, picked riding with the younger group, he passed soon after that. I had just moved out here or at least w/in the year or two and well - i regret that.

back to back in the open tabs pages:
https://maddogmedia.com/2021/06/13/r-i-p-harris-cyclery/

http://davesbikeblog.squarespace.com/blog/2021/6/14/sheldon-brown-and-the-givers-and-takers.html

okay - well now i take this big belly full of stew (who the fuck makes stew in JUNE? - me) and go teach microscope stuff.

heddwch

G

a good run

 of feeling good and generally positive. Anxious and stressed at times yes but until yesterday when the feeling started to wash over nothing close to that depressed dark cloud feeling. 

Kind of didn't realize it till i felt it creeping in on the edges. the 'smackdown' made it worse, a couple other contributing factors and it just fucking sucks

oh and i got w/in a mile of work, wondered why I hadn't gotten an email notification on the Wahoo from the phone, stopped to check. And yeah, that's why. Phone is at home. fucking awesome.

Esp since everything is 2FA and tied to that (or the other device, that is, of course, also at home). 

And yeah it is just a totally familiar and unhappy feeling but at the same time grateful it has been so long since i've felt like this. So gonna keep moving through and try to make it all work.

might need to work on writing up why smackdown and the memorial ride was such a disaster

but I made it home before dark but after sunset, with minutes to spare. But that meant I didn't eat dinner till after 9pm and that was not great.

And today is not great. Users complaining about a scope that i can't get to do anything wrong but they are absolutely convinced it is something with the microscope. 

just so close to going hulk smash, so close, but I need to not, 

i'm trying but it all just feels so fucking futile

and the efforts and contortions I'm doing to make it all work just all taken for granted

of course everyone is all "you can do it, you always make it work" yeah 'cause i don't have a choice and no one sees the cost.

whatever

back to dealing with everything

heddwch
G

i wonder

 This happens quite a bit no? "I  have a lot to catch up on, I'll get to it..."

and

I never get to it

And now here it is a week+ of non-stop crazy additions to everything.

Riding bikes, learning how to ride the dual suspension. it is different. Not sure it was a good idea to switch before the 24hr race ... that I'm racing the bike I haven't ridden in a couple weeks.

I did clean it up yesterday tho.

It has been an Avett Brothers day. Started it off at home.. picked it up in the middle of insanity and has helped keep a little stability through the day of total craziness.

Some extra bits starting up, others falling in place, the big unknown wrecking ball is still invisible and swinging and I am trying to keep everything flowing and flexible and that's almost more work than setting it all up and having the ball swing in and scatter all the carefully fitted peices.

Time to go swab the nose, aka take a walk in the heat.

Dog wanted to get up at 5am, it was daylight. So I let them out, made coffee, took coffee back to bed, and fell back asleep sort of. Probably because I kind of got in bed just after 8pm (dozed until about 10 when i fell completely asleep).

g