Sunday, December 31, 2023

all wrapped up

 Done with the riding for the year. Went out on the shifty squishy bike. 

Guess that cassette has seen a lot, happy it lasted this long. But it was annoying out there, the middle three cogs, not small one either, are so worn that, well, it skips and sucks to ride.

Singlespeed tomorrow and I just ordered a new drivetrain. The one I had planned to put on the bike way back when I got it. But pandemic supply chain sucked so I went with the cobbled mess. Had the rear der explode twice, trashed that and put together a cobbled GX with an NX cage out of the dead parts bin. Kept riding. Couple chains later and yeah it is time. Not a ton of miles but none of the miles were easy. 

Whole thing, der, shifter, chain and cassette, even with an extra chain, some extra cleats, it was all less than (by $100) than retail on a GX cassette. We'll see how well it rides. Some people hate the shimano stuff, but some people love it. Always good to have first hand experience.

Weird week. Lots of other stuff to deal with coming up, a busy week, The week I planned? Nope. But hopefully there will be some good moments spread through out. 

riding bikes was good, needed, here's to tomorrow doing more mental repair. 

gonna sign off and move away from this thing

heddwch
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Saturday, December 30, 2023

looking back? too soon?

 

2023

Activities507
Distance4,518.0 mi
Elev Gain167,238 ft
Time395h 24m


2022

Activities525
Distance4,585.2 mi
Elev Gain189,386 ft
Time423h 16m


Huh, it is almost like the only thing missing this year is riding for 24hrs at the 24HOGG.

too many words to reply to all that
so many good lines in there - like the trails you know...

Trying to find motivation today to do kind of almost antyhing. I did manage to clear off the piano desk enough to stick the laptop on it. Soon hopefully a little more organizing and I'll be able to put a big monitor here and get some productivity in. 

Kind of wanted to ride today but couldn't come up with the motivation, and yeah it isn't yet 1pm, maybe I'll make an excuse and try riding with the camera bag and just go for a photoride, finish up that roll of 1600 (even though it is a little on the bright side for it). 

Started this post yesterday. Been sitting here open. Back in the funk, but at least I've gotten two good nights of sleep. 

Need to touch dirt, I suppose I can ride the shifty squishy bike or the Stache to pedal around. There are no puddles. Hmm. Dropper post makes it easier to stop for photos too.

I should hit publish and move on to something. Puttering or organizing, little bits at a time accumulate into progress.

best get doing something other than sitting

amor fati motherfuckers
heddwch
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Friday, December 22, 2023

readers and web logs

 There's a fair bit of chatter about RSS readers and web logs last few days with the realization that some of the big newsletter apps/companies are happy to give a voice to the bad people (not sees and those kind of intolerant fucks) but forbidding trans and SW voices. The work around and admission is that newsletters are a lot of work for very little return and also more discussion about web logs. 

Micro-blogging killed the blogosphere, no question. Twitter and then whatever else moved in. Mostly twitter (I'm gonna dead name that place because it deserves to be esp since the 'owner' likes to dead name other people but not have his stuff dead named and well fuck him and his racists bigoted self).

One phenomenon I have NEVER understood are newsletters. Maybe because email is all but dead and we're overloaded with inadvertent subscriptions and capitalistic marketing noise. The only emails I really actually read at from people. And those are pretty far and few between. I do have a couple people I know, okay maybe one or two, one. That uses email as a chat tool. A few people that use text as an email tool. Tracking purchases, receipts, that kind of thing, yeah it is used for that too. Ok, email is not dead it just is kind of like the regular mail now. Has uses but not the same as in the past. But newsletters? I have subscribed to a few, they are good at reminding me of why i subscribed but i'm not very good at reading them. I see the subject and move on. 

I still do the open tab thing. On this new laptop it is screaming fast, it is also blazing at exporting and dealing with large image files, which is why I got it, so that's at least good. 

Writing a newsletter, really just seems like writing a blog post and then emailing it to people. Why not just write the post, put it up and let people come to it? Sure, you might get MORE than zero engagement with a newsletter which is what some people find with blogs. We're are near zero engagement here. And I'm okay with that. 

The whole photographing sharing pictures image hosting so people can see them thing is something I'm wrestling with, and a newsletter isn't good for that. I think about the few regular posting places, Stevil's for example. That's a weekly newsletter of sorts that is still a blog on his page and it looks like a web page (not me here slumming with a blogger account because that's what I've started with and it is still here this many years later). 

Techbro white dudes trying to monetize this scene seems to be another factor in killing the web logs, monetizing the traffic, providing 'service' for a fee. I dunno, now I feel like I'm just rambling. 

To the point though, bring back web logs, make hosting and publishing your own again. or something.

I think there's still a place for the 'gram, and for bluesky (I have invites if you want to try that place out). But I'd like to see newsletters move back to blogs maybe? maybe it is just me. I'm really happy to add more links to the open tabs, even a new folder. I'm also not a very good consumer, I've been buying stuff but that's an agonizing process and lately has been kind of hyper focused on camera stuff, or bikes but that is the one constant through my life. I suppose camera stuff has been too to be honest. 

Here I am, how many years old, high functioning autism probably, mild maybe adhd, hyper aware of some stuff, blind to others, always feeling left out, afraid to go into social situations...  it is brutal but that whole time taking pictures and riding bikes. Maybe it was the pocket Olympus Stylus Tough, or the previous ones before it. Or the various film cameras prior, or the SP but now here I am a million years late, with a modern sophisticated DSLR. Sort of the same with bikes. Way way back the SP was one of the best. Then the Olympus Digital, one of the best point and shoot digital cameras. Sort of like that point when I got the Kleins. Then I sort of surfed around with mid-level stuff. The DLSR is kind of like the Madone and the Top Fuel. finally have stuff that is 'good' uncompromising. Although both make a unique compromise. Not perfect and not what works for most people. Much like the monochrome DSLR. Most people would have gone with color. There's a few 'influencer' youtubers that do lots of black and white but claim it is best to shoot in color only since you have choice. Ah, right. The Youtubers. The video bloggers. The people who spend thousands of dollars to record themselves talking about shit. OH FUCK ME HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT PODCASTS. FUCK those have a serious impact on blogs too. It is easy for many people to sit down and talk into thousands of dollars of equipment with people and hey feel important. Audio is easy to consume, people do it mindlessly while doing other stuff. 

Sigh. The world is fucked, we're a problem, and there are not good or easy solutions. 

I have been wondering if I should take the Nanoscape name over with the black and white stuff...  or not, really don't know. Buying a 3rd domain seems silly but maybe it is the answer. Funny thing, there's a geoffrey l williams on smug mug, i really hope we don't share our middle name, that would be too funny. But there aren't many others. Hmm.

I'm absolutely procrastinating. I do NOT want to drive down tomorrow. I think that's part of the layer of dread hanging over me. But there's a lot to do today and I really need to get moving on it all. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

heddwch
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Thursday, December 21, 2023

Idols?

 I don't have many, and the ones I do usually are along the lines of people like Mike F. Supremely skilled at putting words together. Or photographers like Russ who's taste and skill are matched well.

Maybe it is because I can relate so damn closely to Mike's writing, if not his experiences, he lived a life I might have tried to if certain things didn't happen. I can put words together but not like him. That said, he's been putting them together to get paid for what, 30+ years now? He'd damn well better be good at it, and well he is. Like the mention of the birthday. Yeah mine doesn't get overrun by christmas but it is almost worse getting over run by a summer holiday, how many birthdays wrecked by bumbershoot in Seattle? For an already insecure and shy kid who is envious of everyone's parties at school, never having a party at school sucks. Or being at your step dad's family reunion, for the 10th time or whatever, and everyone having a birthday cake for all the august birthdays and, without fail, every single time, they overlook/forget/ignore mine. But that's a pretty well documented thing here on the blog. The whole me not having a good birthday. 

And the whole it is what it is we're going to die and life is short and lets fucking ride part of his latest essay? Fuck me. I've documented that. His hydroplaning is a lot like that turbulence I experienced flying back with the massive RSV infection from Seattle last year. Watching the flight attendant launched into the cabin ceiling, one hand on the drink cart. Wondering where the half drunk ginger ale went (the cup disappeared and nothing of mine or me got wet from it) trigger the 'it is what it is and it will happen when it happens" and I stopped going to sleep at night being terrified I wouldn't wake up.

That's a lot of re-hash. But that's only part of the emotions and flashbacks and relatable stuff that was catalyzed reading his latest.

You'll probably read this and not get it like I do, or differently and that's okay. You may also read it and be confused as to why I like his style so much. 

Same vein, Russ is sharing some amazing assabet river photos. Like they are just amazingly so good, like all his stuff. 

And here I am, floundering along. I've loaded a roll of film, at 1600 ISO for seattle, in the dark and cloudy and indoors... and haven't shot a single frame with it. And it is bugging me.

Fuck I haven't even shot a digital frame with the fancy camera either...  

Related to the funk I think. The above mentioned two things are definitely inspirational but they aren't motivational. Missing that element right now.

Said thank you and good bye to the Fall intern. They were massively helpful but lately it has been super quiet. We finished up one last thing today and they are done. 

I should leave early, wander the streets of providence, ride down to the river, take it easy walk the bike, pull out the camera. Something. I really don't want to get in the car on Saturday and drive all day, but that I must. I gotta shake this funk... damn. 

Touching dirt on Sunday helped but it took the first 45 minutes to get to the zen flow state. 45 minutes of making it worse. Then 45 minutes getting out just head of where I went in. Net gain but marginal that was wiped out quickly.

Funny how the bright sunshine is making me grumpy. I want moody dark clouds for photographing, not this bright cold day. 

At this rate it'll be dusk before I get out of here for the year. Oh well.

Keep moving forward, keep doing everything for everyone else. shit might fall into place, eventually.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
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Tuesday, December 19, 2023

hhmmm

Watched a movie, forgot how terrible it is, forgot that I'd seen it before, but maybe I'd only caught the end and missed the beginning. Wow does the beginning suck. (Lucy, but come on SJ is amazing).

I had a student in my course s few years ago. A more grasp and much nicer version. Kind of a cross between SJ and Kate Courtney (MTB XC racer). 

Thought about her drive and what changed after the process of getting a PhD. Then thought about the short film I just saw about the Gap. And the words I put together on blsky the other day.

Why that connection? Was thinking hard about the class and stuff earlier today. 

I got the course syllabus locked in this afternoon (had a little help). Really happy with how it fit together and was reworked.

I have a feeling it'll be good.

But I sketched these words out just now:
"The Gap

Not just in art but in science.

The students I see most often have an idea of science, an ideal, can recognize the process. It's easy to see, simple.

Question

Devise test for the question 

Run test

Evaluate

Repeat

But it's not that simple, so many skills to learn, so much knowledge to absorb.

Like art in a way.

And sometimes you get bogged  down the science, the taste, lost in the process of doing a job sometimes permanently gone yet one winds up a slave to the grind a cog in the machine"

The post from the new micro blogging site

"Taste

The Gap

Haven't seen this in a long time. Caught a reference elsewhere just now.

Went back and watched again. 

"What is art but the repeating the process* of a skill until you become fluent enough to use it as a language." -GW

*with attention and intention to improve

vimeo.com/85040589

 -------+---


Anyway, your that in with what a friend is going through, getting completely at a dead end career wise but still lots of great years left. 

And to it out with me feeling like I haven't escaped the weekend funk, this time of year, life in general. I should try and sleep. Been up and going since 5:15. A lot of hours ago.

Heddwch

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a couple flights some closed bridges and crazy weather

 Pretty insane, manageable mostly, but insane.

I have a minute here, but I'm sure it'll get interrupted soon, as is the pattern.

Seattle was good, and difficult.

Thought I had posted something on the way, just noticed it not there and it was sitting in the draft, got caught in wifi limbo and saved w/o being published.

This song got me introspective and I should just leave it at that.


It is a good version...  maybe the best?

Was a tow truck today. A retired daily bike path rider broke his chain somewhere. I had dropped the kid off at the train station (dentist yesterday and this was the only time we could get them in for cleaning) early this morning. Went home, showered packed up and started riding in. Guy was crossing crescent view, scootering his nice Giant road bike with Di2 ultergra. And no chain. I wasn't inclined to try and deal with the chain (tools not with me and maybe there was something catastrophic not fixable), chatted with him, then turned around, raced home, grabbed the snowplow strap and some extra rope and caught up to him midway through the forest of Riverside. 

And towed him all the way in to Hope and Waterman. He was side scootering, awkward and inefficient. I had almost just dropped L off at the train and parked at work but no riding yesterday (storm) and well I got a good workout in this morning. He was a light guy and a light bike. And I was on the singlespeed. Was a bit of a workout trying to get up the hill towards the old golf course along the parkway but I made it. And got him in much closer and faster than he would have done other wise.

Didn't take a photo because that felt wrong of me to do, and yeah I'm talking about, might as well have taken a photo. And yeah i was on the singlespeed surly. It was not a ton of work on the flats but man it was a lot going uphill. more than trailer but not much.

Chatted with Tom O, he caught up and he noticed and offered a chain tool. But we were almost there. 

Hopefully Allan gets his chain fixed and doesn't miss too many days riding. He's on the path every day. And that's pretty fucking awesome if you ask me. He's usually done before I get out, but today? well, he was a little behind schedule.

Amazing. Sitting here and haven't been interrupted. 

Oh right, there's just about no one here and we're recovered mostly from the power outage here yesterday. 

Still hard to process. 

Should probably eat lunch before too long. 

But the debate is raging in my head. Do i bring a mtb to ride alone at Fountainhead for one day? doesn't seem like a good plan. got distracted remembering I should look at scheduling the golf for service, but also i don't like other people working on the car before a trip, let it roll till we get back and then do it.

Okay - food time. I really wanted to dig into how I felt Friday, Saturday into Sunday. I was not in a great headspace but I'm kind of on the other side a little. So best just drop it maybe.

take care, ride bikes, Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
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never gets easier

Worried this is the visit. Three way my mother's heart is going she could decide is not that bad and not go to the ER and that's it. I guess it almost happened last night. Maybe that's TMI for the blogosphere but it's pretty quiet around here and I am sitting on a plane (with Wi-Fi) and no one to talk to this about 

Just before boarding my RI better called me to give me the low down on what's going on. And what happened last night. Her HR was up and not stable O2 doing and BP dropping. Doesn't sound good does it? She wasn't sure what to do, doc only said not to do the concerts if her HR was over 120. Nothing else. She called one of my brothers out there, "should I go to the ER?" "Yes" she calls my other brother out there asked the same thing "yes" so she went. Fortunately. But then didn't get much sleep and is exhausted. Of fucking course she doesn't call me, as I'm getting ready to fly out. 

Sigh. Docs said that given the condition of her heart that it might make it 3-5 years. But I think that makes the assumption she follows advice gets enough rest and changes who she is totally. Had a full on laugh with my brother about out parents both of which are stubborn and head strong and never listened to anyone... Didn't sound like any of us. 
That's the joke. It sounds like all of us. 

So it could be the best thing I'm going out, or it could be the worst. She's not going to want to let me see her the way she is. She's going to want to do the concert because I'm here. And she is going to do too much no matter what anyone says. 

And I'm in a flying tube over Massachusetts right now with no one to talk to about it for the next 5+ hours. 

So here I am. Swiping words on my phone because the laptop seemed like a bad idea. Of course now the camera won't talk to the phone and I can't pull photos off it. But I guess I can treat it like the film camera. Take photos, share after the trip. 

There's a lot to catch up on. The race, life, stuff, what's next and a reflection on a bit of a reminder why I was so passionate about cx before the spiral down that started in 2013/14. I guess technically it didn't really start the spiral until January 1st 2014, but that was a hey we're not doing great up until then but that point was full on nose dive into darkeness.

And here were are. Finally getting back to that feeling from long ago. Maybe a little fire to drop 10-20#s and get a bit faster without losing the fun? That's probably way too optimistic, but it's nice to think about.

We're hitting some solid turbulence right now. Might just put the phone away. Maybe there's a decent movie to watch on the headrest...

And maybe I'll come back for a follow up.

Heddwch
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