another day

loaded up with stuff-

odd sleep, better but still some really messed up dreams, mentally flat. Frank Turner's song came on that def made me feel lost for a long while yesterday.

some how have to carve time out to make a disposal run for stuff I haven't gotten to yet but suddenly now no choice., but when?

going to make an attempt to ride the Crossrip and hope the brake doesn't stick before stopping at the bike shop on the way home to fix that issue. Still tossing the debate about tires around in my head for the other wheels. Thinking maybe not tubeless, maybe some 28s. nice and skinny. No tubeless because of all the damn shells and tire cuts and what my tires look like at the end of life - might as well get the full use out of them without coating the bike in sealant. Save tubeless for CX and the larger tires.

The rooster ronde tickets are here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ronde-red-rooster-2019-tickets-62543078030

Gonna be a good ride. A lot going on that weekend. And it is the weekend right after the Coast to Coast.

In-laws are coming back, same time as last year - not the same stress level but not relaxing at all, lots to do...  I'm really starting to hate this time of year. The last four years or so has been the end of class let down, void thing, and then a whole bunch of out of control stuff and the transition to summer schedules and on and on.

Phone backlight issue is also nagging on me but helping a bit. Tough because it is functional but on the otherside kind of reminds me how not critical it is. It is a camera mostly but also a quick way to check status and respond to problems with the microscopes. Down side of not having a fruit phone is no centrally obvious place to take it with hardware problems.

Maybe i'll figure it out before the road trip. if not, whatever. flaky pocket computer isn't the end of the world.

Too much to do this morning but feeling like one of those days to make more coffee and just sit and hang out with the dogs.

Probably shouldn't listen to more than the first few bars of that song this morning or it won't be good. Hard to find music that is positive and fun. But there is some, that Girltalk All Day mix. first heard it back years ago riding to Eco-cross with Singmaster, I burned it on to a CD and used it in rotation with the mixes JPow used to share...

maybe need to hit play on that while i'm packing lunch to jumpstart the get a move on it today... 

still looking for that muse, bike mojo is kind of re-appearing though so that's kind of good...  and sure i can find plenty of good shit going on...  but there's enough gnawing at the edges, the gaping void is off the to the sides - look where you want to go style of bike riding applies, but sometimes there isn't a clean line and it is hard to focus and be active instead of just reactive...

lets see if the the All Day track works this morning..

heddwch
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May's Hundo is in the books

It was a good hard one. Set out to do a full double RRRR loop. Got on the bike at 7:30am. Finished quite a while later.

Warm, windy, sunny, and single track.

Not a ton of single track but there was more than enough to add onto a Hundo. The RRRR loop is 55 miles or so, riding there and home is a 65 mile day so I needed to add another pile on there to make it work. A double seemed great.

We left Johnny's place (the official start - there's an eventbright link for tickets somewhere - on facebook probably - i'll post it sometime maybe here or you can go find it buy a ticket and support 1PVD even if you're not going) at 8. Waited for Syl (he's usually always late) and really started rolling at 8:15 or so. Donny and Elijah joined us. 2 Prov Velo 2 1PVD. Good group.

The single track isn't hard, you can screw it up and walk sections, dab, it isn't super easy, some good technical features, you've gotta get off and run some stairs/sand/logs in some places, most should be able to ride it all there are plenty of good deep power sections but they are all connected by gorgeous roads and paths and waterviews and the like. Two laps would be ambitious.

It is pretty much the same route we did on May 16th, smoothed out a few wrinkles.

Saw the Riverside Memorial day parade, the Barrington one and the Bristol/Warren one. Yeah, this ride is a 4 town ride. 5 if you count Riverside and East Providence as two even though they are incorporated as one.

I had dosed up with Blue Lizard, it worked pretty damn well. A tiny bit of sun in a few places that it got rubbed off (hem line on jersey and shorts) but two days later there is no residual sunburn, and that is pretty unique for a fair skinned person that burns super easy.  I drank a bit more water than usual, but that i suppose is to be expected with that much sun and temps in the mid 80s.

Single track is slow. Esp the stuff around here, super twisty and tight, not fast and flowy and that means slow.

We did see Steve S down at RISD beach (the actual beach not the grass on Benefit). Stopped at Syl's co-worker's house for water.

And yeah it was Memorial day, the second busiest day on the Bike Path. And yes, it was really crowded, but it wasn't bad. We were the fastest out there that we saw, but slowed down and passed respectfully and were patient when needed to be.

Tried to stop for donuts at Proud Mary's but they had just closed. Made it back to Johnny's place just before 1pm. They dropped me hard going into the wind on the final section there on the bike path. I could have dug down and bridged the gap at first but matches, i needed to save what I had for the next loop.

Had a stashed red-bull there at the start, and headed out. Skipped the first section as I started the loop again but tried to make it work the rest of it. Took a wrong turn in the Y woods (not following GPS) and wound up cutting it in 1/2. The beach had been really crowded at that point. No riding all the way to the water's edge. It was not wall to wall people in chairs with umbrellas  bit it was close.

Got to warren and I didn't take the alternate, I stayed on the path, I probably should have, but was tired - stuck with the path. I did head out to haff's rock there. Ate my second sandwich. Oh I did stop at the house, made another coffee, ate part of an toasted day-old donut and filled up the waterbottles.

Ate the second sandwich at the sample place at huff's rock look out at Fall River.

I skipped heading to the base of Mount Hope bridge, and then skipped colt state park. That meant I was mile or so short. I went back to the short section of single track behind the golf course. Let me tell you 98 miles later my reaction time wasn't quite the same as before. I flubbed one turn in there and almost hugged a tree a couple times. Good thing the Coast to Coast is double track and dirt roads and not windy crazy single track for 210 miles.

Eventually got home with 100.18 miles  on the garmin and was exhausted. 7 hours and 44 minutes of pedaling. Could I have kept going? Probably, more food, more water. Both bottles were empty at home. 6 total I think, plus a red bull (sugar-free). Started the day a bit less hydrated than optimal but not too bad. Had a bowl of muesli for breakfast, made two sandwiches to eat during the day (each with toasted bread 2 fried eggs, cheese, ham). Add the bit of doughnut and that's it calorie wise. Tried to hydrate a bit but have been behind the curve since. Woke up today and the eye did it's scar thing. The eye issue, having that daily and never healing was a huge part of the not drinking, waking up everyday with knives in your eyes not being able to focus for a while and sometimes not all day was bad, no drinking gave them a chance to heal and now back to just minor issue (already feeling better an hour after waking up) on very rare days. Dinner was on the slightly salty (but delicious) side and I didn't drink enough water last night. Also slept like absolute shit. Could have been slightly dehydrated contributing to it, but on the plus side I didn't have to get up and pee in the middle of the night.

Riding 100 miles on 45c tires at 30 PSI probably isn't the most efficient. I do have one hot foot issue with the right shoe still. Gotta work that out in the next few weeks.

The work calendar has exploded into fullness already, good thing I was able to take Monday to get the Hundo in because the end of the month is here and we're moving on to the next month soon.

But that's done. The Hundo a month leading up to the June Coast to Coast race challenge is complete. 5 hundos. Each different. Didn't get to do the RdR. No smackdown last night (rainy weather and I was tired) but pretty decent.

I've been riding the Crockett pretty much exclusively now. Tried to ride the e-bike on Sunday for shopping, front brake locked up. Need to bleed it with the warm weather and those new pads I guess. Not sure wearing the crockett tires down is the best idea, but it certainly will help make sure the contact points are good leading into double gravel century on this bike.

I should probably stick some slicks on the other wheels for commuting and save the carbon and knobbies for dirt smackdowns and the Coast to Coast.  Don't have any tires good enough to stick on there. Def nothing tubeless but man tubeless road? I guess, why not.

okay - more coffee, packing lunch and heading in on the crockett... got shit to do

heddwch
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wings eh?

So, yeah I'm a coffee guy. I drink way toooooooo much as it is.

But it is just coffee. No sugar, no soda, no nothing. 

I have a bad reaction to sugar alcohols (xylitol, sortbitol, stevia that shit) can't stand it esp in sports drinks.

point? well the women driving the little red bull mini dropped of a couple cases of the sugar free Red Bull.

I stopped in to build a few bikes on Wed, was dragging. I haven't had a red bull since I had a blue one, turns out a blue one plus alcohol is like giving me a roofie, I kind of black out and have strange out of body weirdness. Before the blue stuff I'd had a handful of the regular sugared ones before CX races now and then. Never seemed to do much. But I always thought they tasted ok, a bit fake but no objectionable but distinctive enough to imprint. Lots of money making that chemical cocktail.

So a couple cases of sugar free - i grab a can and look at the ingredients...  sweetened with aspartame. It breaks down into a couple amino acids and some methanol. Methanol is bad but also easily managed by the body in those quantities (it is in normal foods at similar levels at times). Hmm...

Well I crack one open. Not expecting much. But I was tired, hungry, had a pile of coffee and wound up with the most productive after work build session and I felt mentally good. Like that shit actually gave me wings. And I liked it.

I grabbed a couple. Had a few at the end of the day yesterday, same thing. DAMN, I LIKE THIS. Then the back of my mind, that over thinking self aware, hyper critical analysis kicked in. Oh. Shit. I recognise this pathway. Fuck.

Stopped at the shop again on the way home. Had a couple, not the same level as the first day but i can feel the habit side of my brain kicking into overdrive. I can see the "I NEED SOME" feedback loop developing. And then of course there is the extra caffeine. Sleep has been a bit disrupted.

But it feels good man!

Chemicals, fucking chemicals.

At least it isn't an endless supply at the shop, i'm too cheap to go out and buy it, but the bottom line is coffee doesn't do much beyond keep the headaches away.

Maybe that's the summer project. Taper back, work on not relying so much on so much coffee to be functional. At the same time it requires sleeping to catch up. A catch-22 that takes quite a bit more time and flexibility than I have.

And hey Tim Johnson and Ellen Noble are RedBull athletes...  support them, or something right? Can't be all bad. Can it? Yes yes it can. No wonder my brother digs all those sugar free monstery like energy drinks. They work when your system is tapped out by everything else.

I'm still not going for the blue ones... or buying them... 

Have been on the Crockett exclusively though, other than smackdown. Unfortunately I think I may need new tires before the C2C in michigan...  getting some sidewall checking on the Riddler up front and the accompanying sealant leakage through it.

Should it be fine? Maybe but I don't want to be scrambling at the last minute looking for decent fat tires that will deal with the sand out there. Just one more thing to add to the list.

Finished Tiamat's Wrath. Good fucking book. Such good storytelling. At least to me. I enjoy reading it. The endings always feel rushed, so much development building up to the rapid fire happenings. And still no good clean ending to the series of course.

Jumping into the second book "A bad deal for the whole galaxy" in the Salvagers series. Good story and fun reading. Not super cerebral but entertaining and a cool universe with good visuals.

Reading Tiamat's after having watched the Expanse series I still didn't quite put everyone's face from the cast in the book but pretty close. Bobbie for certain but then maybe I have a bit of a fan crush on Frankie Adams. And while a spoiler (skip to the end of the paragraph if you want) goddamn Amos being immortal now is cool, he practically was before. The set up could have been better but it was still kind of relaxing reading about his skull getting blown half off and the rest of the injuries knowing he'd survive.

Okay this weekend is going to be crazy, going to try and get in the hundo on Monday. Big reservation with the plan is the high use on some of the planned routes, but well that's probably not going to be too bad but will be different than a mid-week recon.

Time to get working on wrapping the house up. Then read till enough of the redbull and coffee wears off so I can pass out.

heddwch
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smackdown - quick cliff note version

9 Riders at the start...

i was up really early today, insane amount of frustration and stress dealing with microscope issues, texts every day from the shop saying there's more shit that needs to be built no rest, no RdR..

I ate well - got that down at least, hydrated well, shaved my legs but check the Heart Rate data on the ride over on strava tonight.

It tells the story. I lead off with Dreamy Dave coming down Waterfront drive and then I never saw the wind again. I got popped just trying to stay on wheels. Last week I could stay on the wheels. This week. No. Fucking. Way.

Mechanically I felt good riding back. But pushing it wasn't possible. Too much coffee masking massing fatigue load and working every day w/o rest is not the way to get back out of that hole.

Add to it all the stress of now getting the van ready for a road trip (that I'm not going to be on). Insanely complicated Thursday coming up.

I was able to identify the emotion today - sad. But maybe that's just me being tired.

How bad did I get dropped?

Well they waited at Hillside for me. Then Syl turned around and rode back looking for me. He didn't see me.
Just looked at the fly-by - he turned around JUST before I got there.

Funny. But sad they waited for nothing. Oh well.

Looking at the segment time - def on par with one of my slowest rides.

Best be riding home now though.

it is late. I'm tired...  and the wind probably has shifted from being a tailwind pushing me home into a headwind at this point.

heddwch
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Bicycle pedaling and stuff

So I actually made it out to smackdown on Tuesday, Cold, windy, not wet though. Sat on wheels, got dropped a little, rode hard, got some really good efforts. Felt it. Times were not bad, not great but then I realized I am probably 10-15# heavier than I was when I was setting those old times. I am currently about 20# over my 2013 weight (fastest point)...

There's not really the flow of words to describe the smackdown like in the past, Burke, Jason, Leland and big Paul Davis were there. Small group. upper 40s for temps.

I pedaled. It hurt pretty good, dug deep, got the legs moving. That was enough.

Thursday did the RI Red Rooster Ronde Recon Ride...  photos over on IG, route on Strava. Date for the ride is June 29th. Start and end at Johnny's place, 11 Baker Street EP 02914.

Longer than last year, still good single track, more bike path and roads and more scenic shit and stuff. Fun as hell loop.

But a long day in the saddle. It was the first bike ride other than to work on the new carbon wheels on the Crockett. I got the Aoleus pro 3V wheels with the EP purchase. Not free, still a painful and agonizing price to spend on anything but they are really really nice.

That big fat front 45c tire is sooooooo much more stable and easier to control now.

Ronde Rosey is tomorrow. I can't go. I'm trying not to be bummed about it but i'm honestly pretty gutted not to be able to be there for the 10th, and rumor has it final.

I also need to get a hundo in.

It is a beautiful day today, probably could have convinced someone to go long with me today, but no, I have to head to work, then pick up kid after practice then go back to work, maybe do some shopping after work then make dinner and do it all again tomorrow.

And then go back in and deal with really frustrating shit at other work, i mean it is a challenge but in some ways this is not as much fun and challenges that aren't fun or are a bit unnecessary are frustrating.

Also I'm just in a funk. Too fucking much to do, not sure when to get it done. Like the whole Hundo. Maybe I should just go back and do the RRRR route 2x. Start early and just do it w/o thinking too much. Follow the GPX track, The only place I get confused in is the Barrington Y trails. Trying to follow the line on the garmin might be a good thing. And hey if I do it 2x in one day I'll be fine with jumping around at each one and skipping some of the stuff here and there. Or just riding tailgun helping people skip sections to catch up.

Or not. Maybe I should just ride for me and give everyone else the .!.. ..!. but yeah, probably won't do that.

Oh well - i'm here way later than planned, but yeah - i'm tired, mentally and physically, with no rest in sight. Kind of funny, yesterday was bike to work day, last year I had a really shitty day and cracked into the bottle of Titos in my fridge at work and broke a couple month dry spell and started a really bad binge that ended a month later with total sobriety. Today was pretty close to equally shitty, but not quite and I managed to avoid the free beer on the way home and just deal with it all.

Shrug, such is life. poking on through to less than a month away from 1 year sober. Scary thought is that it is likely 11th grade when I last had a whole year without alcohol. That's kind of insane. But that's plenty enough for me. Yeah I still think about it but each day gets more comfortable with the knowing it is over.

I'm def feeling better than I have in a long time physically, other than being a bit pissed about being heavier than I want to be. But back when I last did the Battenkill thing and I was 215 (i was eating a shit ton of rice and 'recovery' carbs after rides) i had a ton of leg fat, not just fat on my ass and gut, and that fat hasn't come back. and sometimes I can imaging that the roll I pinch is getting smaller, but fuck it i dunno, I'll go hungry when I can, eat when I need to. Play the whole food game try and focus on quality calories and just keep eating lots of salad.

I should wrap this up - before I get into the weeds any more. Need to get out the door. Yeah I'm gonna drive, if the car starts. Don't really have a choice.

heddwch,
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Damn that intro

to where the streets have no names...


Ridiculous...

Sometimes writing helps, sometimes it makes it worse, sometimes it does both usually in the opposite order...

not a great morning, not terrible afternoon but not what was planned.

i was working pretty insanely until the opening bars of this song came on the pandora station i had playing in the background...

i had to sit down and stop...

that whole album...

good stuff...

not a good time in my life though - but i guess the argument could be made that it is just normal for me...

Stopped to snap a photo this morning

posted it over on IG and twitter with the caption:
"Tailwind #bikecommute overseen by an undulating tapestry of clouds."

Pretty sure it would be impossible to convey how well it suited my mood this morning. So I didn't try.

It just does...

still does...

Of course autoplay from the link above cued up:

And shit the lyrics are kind of my anthem eh?

best get back to it - music, ah music...

heddwch
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oh books and reading

I guess that's been as much a part of me as riding bikes. Something consistent, always there. Back and forth sometimes not reading so much, sometimes digging into different genres. lately of course I've pretty much read all the science fiction i can get my hands on. Apocalyptic stuff seems to resonate well with the state of the world.

I was waiting for Emma Newman's 4th book in the Pathfinder series to come out. It showed up in the library, I missed the first checkout but grabbed it pretty quickly. Devoured it in a day. Read late, read while eating meals...  it is a short book at least. Not like a GRRM tome or a JSAC brick.  So much absolutely on point, wonderful and terrifying future description of the human race and how toxic the current crop of americans are...  read the book and you'll get it. Best though to read all 4 books.

Now Yash had posted something about another author. Haruki Murakami. I've come across this guy a few times, but never picked up one of his books. But Yash posted Norwegian Wood and it was available in the library, and i was waiting for other stuff while listening to Saturn Run building bikes.

And wow.

What a gut wrenching but almost familiar kind of story. Oddball awkward loaner coming of age, reflecting on heartache and pain and life and death.

I'm still processing it but between what Syl has been going through and a pile of other stuff I'm kind of floating in a weird fugue state.

one quote I highlighted and saved as I was reading it:

"That;s why you need to grab whatever chance you have for the happiness where you find it, and not worry too much about other people. My experience tells me that we got no more than two or three such chances in a lifetime, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives."

got a very dark feeling that i've had my two or three chances... and that's the way it is... but i suppose if it isn't letting something go as having it done w/o control it isn't the same... 

Life is pretty fucked up. Strange. And shit.

Okay now I'm fucking up my day sitting here wasting time writing instead of riding in to work.

But the day's pretty well hosed, or in other words it is going to be flat out non-stop once I get there. In an intensity that is hard to describe. But that's okay, it is what it is and I'll get through and work to help everyone around me be their best.

Might even leave the e-bike at home again today. Maybe I'll get lucky and be able to leave early enough to get either the new BB in or bars taped or the new fancy carbon wheels on the Crockett... yeah I'll probably ride that today. Tires continue to be a bit of a perplexing area...  maybe with the 25mm wide rims the 38s will be good enough eh? Should probably order some of them. Maybe put some 28s on the old heavy stock wheels and turn the crocket into road level stuff. It has a 38t chainring. Will make for a shitty spinning ride on the road for smackdown level pacing but should be fine for long days in the saddle.

Books and bikes...  quiet introspection, no confidence, begrudging solitude...  but somehow it works... i guess.

speaking of work...  i'm so f'n late...

heddwch
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oh smackdown

There's some contention about smackdown and there's some differing of opinion about what the ride means and how it should be done.

Causes some issue.

I want to get into it - but some how the charge from having a not terrible night last night, even if it was just riding with Syl and Burke after leland and the cat 1 kids took off i felt not terrible and got my HR over 160 so that was good.

Was able to dig and hurt myself.

Was good.

But somehow

I mentally tanked today. No energy. Not sure why, or what the trigger was. But it sucks.

the new different route is good for well matched people, not good for having a group that deals with both fast and almost fast guys.

phone is having issues - i guess that's part of it - screen stays black and I don't know why... backlight is staying off and not turning on...  i don't have time for this bullshit

but it is what it is right. managable

everything else is weighing heavily, talks with syl brought up a bunch of emotional PTSD

interviews are happening - interesting being on this side of things for a change, also a bit stressful... and time consuming... I don't have time for this! Well I do but it means everything else gets pushed back and suddenly I'm scheduling 2 weeks out. And that's also stressful.

deep breath and move on - carry on eh?

one foot, another, another...

well time to act normal, something I guess I have practice with..

heddwch
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