Sunshine on Leith

 such a good album, the whole thing, also listened to as the album was produced.

why am i listening to a 90s chart topper? well, KF had mentioned music, having noted the going away of Google Music he got a big Zip bundle of his stuff. I forgot about it till after the migration deadline. Thought all that music i had was lost (it was also on iTunes but that iTunes stuff was a desktop computer or so ago, i think i have it all on an external drive somewhere). 

Turns out myself at somepoint must have clicked "migrate all my music over to YT music" w/o remembering. Can't blame it on too many beers this time, just forgot. Until i went into YT to listen to something and looked at the uploads and having clicked the "if you want to listen with the screen off you'll need premium" and tried it and wait - all that music i have in the uploads is mine and i can listen to it w/o adds and w/phone locked and all that. as in THIS IS AWESOME - my music is back. Dated and static, but back. And that's good 

Shit - just looked at my off and quiet desktop (there's some IT issue and windoze all have to be off) and there's no optical drive, aka no uploading old CDs. Damn.

Anyway. Legacy. Old. whatever you want to call it.

Part of me was actually okay  with having  lost it all. Just  stuff. Let it go. Finding that easier lately. 

Typing on little tablet keyboard kind of sucks tho TBH. so close together, hands don''t like it.

Also had some idiotic realization that I have a peice of paper saying i'm an essential worker and that is actually enough to get me a vax, as in I could have  signed up when they were first available...  big old facepalm. Of course I just checked and there's nothing available. Will check tomorrow AM for what's available.

Been much closer to getting another bike together and setting time aside like i used to. 10am meetings at Tower Hill. Maybe there'll be others that can attend that meeting.

Def not singlespeed ride, refresh the drive train on the Blue? Or just ride the p'mount?

Dunno. Lots to do, but taking a second between crazy to listen to music and drink the last of the coffee.

heddwch
G

Desk footwell

 Lately I have this urge to crawl under my desk and curl into the footwell part and just hide, and sleep but mostly just hide.

I think it means I need an escape. No surprise there. 

Growing up when i'd hear a car coming down the road (dead end street - rarely happened) and I was outside I would hide, race to find a tree and make sure there was no possible sight line from the car to me until it was gone. 

Climbing under the desk has the same feeling.

Yeah I know, I could just close my door. Same effect. No windows on the door. No windows in the office if ya remember. Life spent underground. 

Choices we make.

A super dear close old friend mentioned "The Midnight Library" and so of course I immediately put it on hold in the library. Both ebook and audiobook. Given how little patience I've had lately for the reading and reading has been putting me to sleep, when I have to sit and not move and just use my eyes. Audiobooks have saved me. I can listen and do dishes, cook dinner, ride on the bike path... build bikes. You know, that stuff. stuff that has to happen but doesn't have a social or audio component. Fuck does anything have a social component anymore?

At the beginning I really am not sure about this whole book, the premise, it was a bit too depressing, but I think i see where it is going and now want to see if I'm right. 

Trying to shake off that cloud that showed up this week.

Not sure the book is helping, but it is distracting. 

Haven't been able to really dig my hooks into any music in particular and that bugs me.

Things are being shaken up a bit maybe - events w/o control, with uncertainty that is tweaking my balance.

Dunno...

Was reflecting on how abjectly terrified i was last year, that palpable fear, and wondered when did it go away? 

why does it feel okay now, fewer unknowns I guess..

focus on what you can control, try to let the rest not disrupt what needs to be done. Sleep. Def need more sleep. 

okay enough fucking around in my head - time to get out of it and get more shit done.

heddwch

G

Wandering into Wednesday

 Hit the wall REALLY hard on Monday. Too long of a gap between morning coffee and work coffee, never recovered and basically spend the day with an ocular migraine. It was FUN.

Recovered a bit yesterday, and suddenly here we are at hump day.

Saw that TSEPIC has spaces open, would be nice, but $900, even for a 5 day race, is a bit steep, but then again so is Olympic Dev camp for U19s. Everyone's been not sleeping excited about the summer potential.

Trying a bit of extended fast and low calories. Kind of getting to the point of just not caring - might as well just say fuck it. It is a lot of work trying to figure out the combo needed to get back down closer to the 200# mark. 

But bikes...  riding in this morning I just really wanted to ride to boston, hang out and get coffee and ride home. Just not alone and also just waiting for vax i guess... or something. 

Kind of want to race, but the tea leaves and races that are out there now... no SS category, i mean that's fine, but also, not how it used to be. But nothing will be how it used to be. 

Also - totally lost all word mojo between starting this and now, pretty obvious eh? I guess read all tabs is not inspiring enough and the rest of life is boring and routine.

guess i should work on shifting gears and get some gear shifting bikes ready to ride. Long way in on the Singlespeed is fine but it isn't as fun as having gears. Also geared bike doesn't weigh more than the MTB, the surly does. Kind of surprisingly.

Okay. Fuckit. I'm gonna close this and pretend I didn't start the blog post with good intentions, got sidetracked, derailed, tired and demotivated and brain dead.

What's for dinner? I dunno.

heddwch
g

catching a few sunbeams

 sitting here in the living room, hanging with the sleeping dogs, all three of us are basking in the late afternoon sun. 

It feels good.

Pretty wrecked to be honest. Early relaxed MTB ride yesterday morning, followed up by a swing through the bike shop, and then home to meet the person who wants the piano. Look it over, they are excited, okay bring people back tomorrow and we'll get it out of the house. I spend the next 3-4 hours doing some much needed long put off clean up in the bike room. Found a box of old cycling shoes, crusty and stiff, and threw them away. The beginning of a reformed packrat maybe? Perhaps. Felt weird? yeah, but even the answer lace up flats were really well worn and past their usable life span and all but one pair well over 20 years old. Long enough. 

Shop vac, broom, garbage, organize, move, at the end of it things were looking good. Some stuff still needs to be deal with, some things just got moved not sorted but it is a really good start. And was ready for the piano to be picked up Sunday (it is sunday). Try to go to bed early, didn't work, an hour after I fell asleep I woke up with the beginnings of a bloody nose, took a bit for that to settle down, woke up at 4am having to pee, went with the whole extra hydration before the morning ride and wow was I extra hydrated I guess. Oops. Woke up before the alarm, out of bed before 6am. Made coffee got myself out the door, arrived only a few minutes after when I planned and headed out. But more of  a climby loop, singlespeed maybe not the best, different spot than normal. Nice change of pace. I was tired tho. Had food before hand so fueling wasn't a problem. Packed two bottles of the OSMO stuff, only drank one, oh well, will keep the second bottle for mid-week ride maybe. We'll see, def liking it, seems to work, pleasant taste, if a little more chemically tasting than the Skratch but it also has some other stuff in it. 

One bit of news I almost missed via the emails was being made an Official Topeak Ambassador. If you order anything from them use the Williams21 friends and family code for a discount. Guess my IG friends are gonna be getting some more regular product evaluations. 

Grocery shopping after todays MTB ride was bad. I mean, not bad but I was really feeling exhausted. Was trying to get through it so I could get home before the guy came with his friends to get the piano.

I am feeling really tired and it isn't just the sun. But then again I have been up before 6am and awake till at least 10:30 and sleeping poorly after a long and stressful week so, really, no surprise there.

Not sure what I'm making for dinner though. 

And we still have the remains of the piano. the heavy part. It is a beautiful warm sunday, and no one was free to help move a heavy ass piano. SHOCKING. 

So here it sits. Gonna give them a week then take it apart into pieces small enough to carry out the front door. Yeah it means de-stringing it and smashing the cast iron with a hammer and unbolting it from the backing. Full on destruction. Hopefully he can gather friends enough to come get it out of the house. 

Seems a shame but also, it needs so much specialist work to make playable that it is kind of junk anyway, even if it looks really cool right now all taken apart.

Was listening to a lot of music, tried to watch TV but just can't get into it, sports? Meh. The Woman's BB tourny got my attention the longest and I might have watched the game if I had any sort of connection to either of the schools. So I just turned it off and grabbed the lap top to i guess in a shit ton pile of words just say: I'm tired.

And to be occupied and to document the Piano saga a bit. 

Today's ride might have been easier with gears, and with full suspension, but i just wound up pushing the bike and walking only a tiny bit more than everyone else. Brake lever felt normal too - the dodgy fix i did was un-noticable riding it. But both days once the temp got above freezing i was way too hot, way too hot. mostly the legs. Gonna need to find the leg warmers and go with shorts or something. 

Getting ready for a big week, lots to do, and now, because i was tired and not thinking, we have almost 2 gallons of milk in the fridge. AND still a quart of home made ice cream in the freezer. oops.

and my brain is mushy and tired and i'm going to put some music back on and soak up some more sun through these old fashioned windows that don't stop much of the solar radiation. 

heddwch
G

in light of everything

 going on in the country/world right now...

This is good, really good, and positive. https://www.sram.com/en/life/stories/iwd-lael-wilcox Yeah I'm a big Lael fan. With Rue the two of them have put out some really inspiring and motivating cycling content that is also gorgeous. 

How do we push through, examples of the weight room for the Woman's NCAA vs the Men? That's pretty much normal, why is it normal and what can YOU do to change it.

Speak up. Speak out. Talk to the dudes who aren't making an effort.

It has been a really f'n strange week. 

Roller coaster in a way. 

But the roof is done, and we had rain last night and the new gutters work. It is amazing. There is one gutter that didn't get replaced, it needs some sealant at the seams and I need to fix the downspout on it. Had one that was too long but scrapped it when we thought it was getting replaced, should have probably waited on that, oops. 

Mistakes were made.

They always are being made but learning from them is how we move forward. 

Damn there were a few other things on my mind but the wind this morning must have blown everything away. 

Racing - right there's some races popping up. Hell's Half Acre is one of them. Two stages, long one on Saturday and a multi-lap race sunday. Of course there are three different categories, and of course I'm only really excited by the longer one even...  but maybe I should just sign up for the category i'm supposed to be in not the one I want to race? I mean hell I'm probably even going to ride it single speed anyway, and get lapped or something. Big guy on the heavy bike w/o gears. Plenty of time to figure it out before the registration rate goes up. And it isn't till the end of July so hopefully I'll have the vaccine by then. Supposedly RI is opening it up to everyone on April 17th. We'll see how long it takes to get an appointment. Fingers crossed it doesn't take forever.

Just watched this - (waiting for a user) - have to say my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing.

It is good. No I don't think I'm ready for that yet, lemme figure out the wheelie thing first and get a big hit squish bike first.

But I am hungry and I ate all the food I packed. Thought it was a lot but maybe not so much. Hoping the last of the coffee can tide me over till I get home to the food.

be good, support those that need it, do good,

heddwch
G

Good life philosophies

 Here from Jason Isabel

Artists in Recovery: Jason Isbell from Alano Club of Portland on Vimeo.

Solid stuff. Even if you aren't in recovery or sober or whatnot...

Oh, I guess it is St Paddy's day eh? I like St David's day a bit more lately, welsh cakes and daffodils are more my thing than green beer and drunk hoards.

Should post some pogues or something, DKMs maybe. Will I watch the livestream tonight? Probably.

It has been a long rough day today but progress, fixed some busted shit, taught people some stuff, pile of things left to work on before riding home. Not so bad. 

y'all be good, do good, be a positive influence on those around you, listen when you need to, not always just when you can. make space for people when they need you to... 

heddwch
G

Quieter here today

 Just me and the music videos on the big smaht TV...

 

This is good, very good.

A much quieter start to the day. Hard to imagine it is already almost noon, feels like almost no time has past and yet yesterday felt like an eternity. 

Gotta get out and check the lawn for bits of stuff that got missed, clean up a few odds and ends and make a list of shit to do next, and get the little things done without having to put them on the list.

Or i just sit here a bit longer, drinking coffee in my fancy Craftsportswear sweat pants and my Quad CX hoodie watching youtube... Treat it like an actual rest day aka vacation day aka PTO aka this is kind of nice and luxurious...

if there wasn't still so much to do... 

i know - take a break, recharge, things will be there when you can get back to them, don't need to do everything all at once, take a breath, slow down for a second..

but then I have been kind of going slow to go fast forever, the relentless pace, the marathon haul. And not a running marathon that is over in a couple hours, no, I'm talking about the cycling marathon, the ones that last 12 hours or more, that stupid pigheadedness that it takes to persist against all those odds and somehow still keep turning the pedals after hour after hour

have to say, currently big fan of Remy Metailler and Yoann B's video series. So much overlap but also so cool. Our silly little drops and stuff in New England are not bad but as mini-versions they do mimic some of the big hit shit they have up there on the north shore. We had one tiny little rock, maybe a 3-4' drop...  looked vertical and scary at first, rolled up, stopped at the top, three lines, one wide and smooth, one mid-level can roll down and see the line, still steep, and then the third line wide left, looks like full drop. It wasn't, when you looked at it from one side you're like, huh, not so bad. With enough speed you can actually ride up it. The bike actually is pretty amazing, not my bike per-say, the bike, the collective, maybe the collective new trail bike grouping, they are pretty fucking capable, far more capable than the meatbrain riding them. 

Esp when the meat brain drives into a 9" sapling stump just a hair outside the line and crashes and fucks up both the bike and the body. Good news, the collective 250 pounds of me going as fast as I was broke the root system holding it place. It isn't here anymore. Just like the other small stump that took me out a couple weeks ago (before the snow).

Funny, looking back over the last week, the weight of the new roof install gone, just the lingering, holy shit how did we pay for that, and the changing perspective of holy shit cascade on that thought process - that ties it into me not drinking and hey maybe that small change in cash outlay was really all that was needed to turn the finances around, plus a couple other big events, anyway, all seems to come back to that, eh? But hey, looking back over the week, before the derailment of a run-on sentence, the two bright spots were being on the bike in the woods. Don't get me wrong, I still kind of miss that drop bar shred and the long adventures on the bike, those all day rides, maybe I'll get the vaccine along with the rest of the region and we can maybe go back to doing that a bit more safely. Eh?

Perhaps? But till then, these moments on the mtb... they are good... That and I think I've finally landed on the GeWilli phrase that may need to be merchandized... but i'm not good at that part, but also the layout the graphics, needs something special... 

 Thinking stickers, maybe t-shirts, or maybe that's too fucking adventurous... Inspired by the Wilderpeople movie, I know where it came from from there, but using the kiwi slang made it that much more memorable. 

Laptop is about to reset, damn updates, gonna grab some more coffee, watch https://youtu.be/rnTwSP3XgSY and THEN get on with the day, whatever is left of it...

heddwch
G

So, how's it going?

 Well, they got here at 7:20am, it was 15F and windy. It is now 6pm and 30F.  Air compressor is still running (gas powered one), still a lot to clean up, haven't been outside to check progress/get an update. Bonus, well there is an extra hour of daylight today that they wouldn't have had last week. And yeah I suppose they could have shown up at 6:20am last week, but hey they could have shown up at 6:20 today, it was light enough to get started.

Dogs are conked out, it was a rough morning. The air nailers are quieter than the scrapers or the hand nailing of the drip line, or the attaching of the gutters. Just checked a few minutes ago, looking up through the attic access there was still light coming through the freshly cut ridge vent. Should really go measure for how much insulation I need, an extra layer up there would be a good idea. 

It has been fine, but man I am TIRED. Two MTB rides this weekend, pretty shitty sleep quality and extra stress and that off feelin and then today, up early, and while not doing much, wow has it been intense and not restful. 

Hopefully tomorrow can be more peaceful and restful. Put off dealing with the work emergency for another day although I did open the service call and get an engineer/tech support assignment. 

Maybe I'll have time and headspace to do a proper blog tomorrow. I'm tired and achy in a few places from yesterday's crash. 

As the joke goes it might be a half day's work getting the roof done. Half day as in 12 hours. 

Now the trim is going to be even more glaring with the new roof up there. 

There's bits and concerns, the down spouts? Are those going to be done by them or are they only replacing the rotted wood gutters? Dunno, will deal with that all later. When it is done and they are gone and the jobis finished and they have the check. If my perception of what was supposed to be done isn't what theirs is, well in this case? Probably my fault for not going through the questions more completely before I handed over the deposit.

Def missing my 4pm coffee, even though it is now 6pm and normally i'd just be finishing it at 5pm, going to see if I can just struggle through and maybe go to bed early tonight.

We've all had a really long day. A long weekend. A couple MTB rides, a crash, bend irreplaceable bike lever (i bent it back), work at the shop, grocery shopping, And this. I know that my anxiousness I talked about yesterday was needless, pointless, but it was also out of my control. Yes, I know, logically it makes no sense to act like that, to let those things bother me or have an impact, but they did and here we are. Probably should have just packed the dogs up and gone somewhere for the whole day, or two days. 

I looked in the mirror today, I look tired even to me. 

Rest tomorrow for sure, maybe. Hopefully. That's the plany anyway. But, plans, well, they change more often than not.

heddwch

G

insane

I didn't realize how much of my brain is being overwhelmed by anxiety about the new roof. No idea when they are going to get here, will it be too cold, are the cars in the way, should we move them tonight? Tomorrow morning? Will the base wood of the roof be ok? Will the temp inside the install quality? Will the dogs be ok while it is all going on outside? 

I'm vibrating with anxious energy, logically I know, I gave them money, they will do it, I don't have to do anything. But.

Ugh.

Was able to escape a little on the mtb yesterday and today. But today I crashed hard, been the brake lever, drive the end of my bar into the from of my hip. 

But once the joy and distraction or riding well and having fun wore off it was a chore. Post crash I was wondering if I can get parts, will it bend back, are there brakes available even? 

It bent back but I almost crashed a handful of times riding back to the car. Just bring distracted. Bent it back to unnoticeable condition once home. No big deal. 

But can't shake the roof anxiety. Can't quite feel ok. Oh and the new quarter million dollar laser is acting up and I'm out of the office till wed and can't likely do much till then. 

I'm a wreck and don't know how to fix it. 

And this time change sucks. 

This morning's list of stuff just sounded cursed. Busted spokes, forgotten helmet, no sleep and no show, late, me crash... 

Identifying the source and cause of my sorry temper and shit mood doesn't seem to fix it this time. 

Hopefully I can make it through the next 24 hours and come out the other side better.

We'll see. 

Ugh

Heddwch,

G

No Flour Peanut Butter Cookies

 I made these in September but forgot where I got the recipe from.

They are very different and very good.

1 cup Peanut Butter (I used the fresh ground stuff from WF)

2 medium eggs (recipe was originally 1 large egg)

1 cup Raw/Cane sugar

1/4 cup cocoa powder

some vanilla and cinnamon.

Mix, scoop, press, and then bake

in my oven 350 takes 15 minutes

the original recipe was 350 for 8-10 min. Cook em until they are cooked.

They are good, and different and I might need to make another batch.

again

soon

(posting because it took forever to remember and then find the recipe for this earlier this week)

(still having a blah day)

heddwch
G

picking up where it left off

 Def in a hold on this could get rough. Life is flying through a patch of turbulence after an unexpectedly long time in smooth air.

Also, someone mentioned Spanish Love Songs (the band) and to me they sound a lot like Against Me!

EmoPunkRock...  yup... I am trying to dig out of the John Prine hole. Not very effectively esp with those two bands.

I've got a browser full of unread tabs, and the most surprising thing, a managable amount of shit to do today. For a change. And it is nice out and I just want to be riding my bike, outside, before all the fucking weather rolls through.

I mean it is March afterall, right?

Anyone wanna be my neighbor? The run down house next door is for sale. The mentally unstable former girlfriend of the grandson of the woman who lived there before she died has been there but now maybe not much longer?

Roof is happening on monday it looks like, might just take tuesday off as well. Worried about the dogs, may have to take them on a day trip. 

well

fuck it - i'm not in a mood to write ... not sure who to call and talk to on the phone on the drive to work in the morning... 

yeah driving to work at the bike shop, everyone needs a rest day, right?

of course now I want to leave early, but have to work on all the little stuff until the next appointment, then I can leave.

heddwch
G

"I remember everything"

 yeah that's pretty much it for today...

wound up opening the new reading tab. this was in there... 

game over

heddwch
G

Taking Tuesday off is a

 REALLY BAD IDEA.

No one should have to have two mondays in one week. This is terrible.

Is it monday or wednesday or does it matter?

Yesterday was a f'n whirlwind.

Woke up early to make pancakes. Also, side note. a 16 year old 170 pound 6' tall elite level rowing athlete needs a LOT of calories. Salad for dinner and then lunch is NOT enough. 

Then fixed trim leading into the house getting the new roof. 

and today was such a cluster that I'm just posting this unfinished...

yup

heddwch
G

Where do we go

Bicycles are build on contradiction, or do they generate it? Undeniable that they are both a means of connection and division. 

Stumbled on this today, a well put together group of words on this topic:

 https://bikeportland.org/2021/03/02/comment-of-the-week-how-bicycling-can-do-no-right-327390

And then there's these

https://www.therestisnoise.com/2021/03/simpson-at-100.html

https://theradavist.com/2021/03/the-full-circle-cycling-project/

https://ava.substack.com/p/on-doing-what-you-love

https://allhailtheblackmarket.com/2021/03/coming-in-hot/

http://www.jilloutside.com/2021/03/slog-therapy.html

https://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2021/03/02/acfc-full-episode-reading-rainbow-levar-burton-dr-seuss-vpx.cnn

Now read the twitter thread that goes with it:
https://twitter.com/levarburton/status/1367153780735631361

I don't have my own words right now.

I did have in mind to do a screen shot comparison of yesterday AM commute and this mornings and to show the differences and how much work was being done at 40 rpm.

But that didn't happen.

Read some words.

Do some good. 

Share some love.

Hug when you can.

heddwch
G

IT IS TUESDAY AGAIN

 And that was a cold ride in. Also pretty brutally taxing. Cadence was so low that the HR wasn't matching effort. I guess that's a good thing? Maybe?  16F at the start and wind pretty steady at 20 gusting to at least twice that fast. I was riding leaning to the left into the wind just to stay upright.

Maybe I should have picked a different bike. But it worked and two layers and I wasn't cold. But tired. Wow. Ate some food once I got here. Working on piles of stuff - of course the expected unexpected addition to everything was added. 

So I'm cranking Flatfoot 56 and plowing through the 'paper'work which is pretty much now 100% digital. Oh. Shit just remembered. One thing that i had to do that isn't paper. Shit. See this was really productive writing. Triggered the brain into remembering. Anyway cranking these guys:

 

those guys

Had been trying to remember a band, Jerry had given me two burned two disc sets of live albums back in the day, one was Flogging Molly, the other I couldn't remember for the life of me... I remembered that they were Chicago - and well There's a good pile of Irish Punk bands from Chicago. The band I couldn't remember were the Tossers. 

And yeah it was a Jens Factor HC kind of morning. Looks like the wind hasn't changed and should be a monster tailwind. It isn't much warmer though. Hopefully I can get out of here and home before it gets dark. It was nice having daylight on the ride home last night. No need for any lights at all. 

We'll see if today takes a turn for the better. This has only taken me all day to write. Latest bit of news was a text image sent to my email from E's phone of a doc from work with tax stuff and I already got the W2 so I dunno what this is and even though it probably isn't anything to worry about I'm fucking jacked with anxiety and worry and it doesn't makes sense that I am. That's how I'm wired and I don't like it and I can't really change it. So broken. 

Gonna try and get more shit not at the desk kind of work done as a change of pace - wrap this garbage dump up with a bow and hit publish and move on to whatever is next.

I don't like how grumpy i am now, maybe I can carry the anger/fear/unknown/uncertainty until i get on the bike and use it to smash the pedals on the singlespeed on the way home.

heddwch
G

Oh fuck - DAMNIT there were a bunch of open tabs to talk about motherfucker...

was gonna go all "This is what i was feeling" about Wanderlust and how a few places poste about it today and I was all like YES and opened the tabs and was going to come back and read them but here I'll link them so you can go off and read something worth while and not make clicking here a total waste.

https://theradavist.com/2021/03/bikepacking-tz-a-collection-of-scenes-and-short-stories-part-01/

https://www.tobedetermined.cc/journal/2021-and-beyond-adventures-worth-daydreaming-about

i'm putting in my new reading bookmark folder - been using that a bit lately - the system is working pretty well.

skip a step or two

 Take some days off - plenty of time to catch up on the writing. Bring the lap top home, get some more complex thoughts down and worked through.

Sure. That'll work.

Hahahah

yeah right

I did get out on the MTB Thursday and Friday tho. Not on Saturday or Sunday. Did some pocket sawing (see the IGs). 

Been thinking more about some of the thoughts earlier, a little about the weight, and yes, the reality is I'm still a skinny motherfucker, even at 225. But I'd like to be back at a 34 waist instead of the 36 (well just under - 34 waist pants are too tight, 36 are just a bit loose). Minor points and shit. Kolie has some good AMAs and bottom line keeps coming down to get sleep, do the training well fueled and well rested. My sleep honestly hasn't been too bad. Sometimes up a bit too late - someone else likes to take lots of naps (not me). Struggling more with the balance of caloric loading and then it gets all out of wack and yeah I'm working on it. Is the old method working well anymore? Not really. I probably had it a little backwards but it worked. There was one AMA answer that was perfect - to lose weight be slightly chronically calorically deficient normally but acute caloric overload post exercise. Makes good sense. Also assumes well fueled during (includes before). Esp for stull like MTB where there's a high glycogen demand. A 4 hr road ride is very different. Anyway. And yeah two big factors that require re-thinking. #1 I never really found the right combination once I stopped drinking, #2 big physiological changes around 50 years old, not just in women (pre-menopausal) but male hormones and body changes as well, and it is different for everyone, is it a factor? maybe. Could the thyroid still be a sub-random condition that's kind of in the background tweaking things? Maybe. bottom line sooo many variables, but working through them maybe i'll find an answer soon[er than later].

I did get excited when saw this headline/title in the Reader page that i've been watching since KF's rec... clicked it and read it and well fuck, yeah I know, i don't know how to fucking answer that question. DUH, and yeah i know. "you really should work on that" YOU THINK? can you tell i've heard it a few times from reputable sources?

Oh and this absolutely explains how much I want a monchrome chip - remove all the bayer mask and the processing and the algorithms and capture all the photons unfiltered, with only count and energy factoring into exposure. 100,000 ISO MOTHERFUCKERS srsly insane. A M10? yeah that would be amazing but I think the Q2M is maybe more suited to my style. Also the ability to shoot black and white video. Got thinking about what video and then thought shooting Finch L with it would be amazing. Or just about almost anything. Short videos, concerts (if they ever happen again), hell do product talks and 'influencer' videos with it. Kind of way too excessive price tag - for now - i guess maybe i need to get into the film again first? maybe? can't do black and white video with film and an SLR tho - no - i'm not doing 8mm, but if you look at the noise and sharpness detail between the B&W digital and film - digital so much more so while preserving the magic. 

yeah i'm inspired and a little frustrated but what else is new - i suppose if i put in my answer to the unanswerable question as black and white photography maybe i can justify it?

after the new roof and after the more reliable, smaller car and new road bike and full suspension mtb and and and and and AND i know if i do spend the money (if i had it) it wouldn't change everything and thus probably isn't really the answer I'm looking for, right?

Been thinking more and more about the pawls in the rear hub, currently thinking it is Thru-axle related. Testing, accidentally, and well we'll see. Might order the springs after the next ride as the next level of attempted change, since, well, the brand new pawls I saw don't look a whole hell of a lot crisper than the ones on the bike.

And yeah. Next 'vacation day' needs to be more like '16 and on the bike from early till late. Where am I gonna go? ride? Gears on the road? One gear in the dirt? Miles and miles? North South Trail.

Woops there we go. That's gotta be it. I wonder if I can get someone to drop me off and pick me up. Wish the logistics of it weren't so fucked. Although... hmmm... South - North then South all at once would simplify it a bit. Sleep in the van somewhere in South county near the start, then make it an adventure. Leave before light... lights though, hmm. Might need spare one or two for that. 

I wonder if I can get anyone to join me. 

Probably not - that's a crazy stupid idea. 

Heddwch
-g