Desk footwell

 Lately I have this urge to crawl under my desk and curl into the footwell part and just hide, and sleep but mostly just hide.

I think it means I need an escape. No surprise there. 

Growing up when i'd hear a car coming down the road (dead end street - rarely happened) and I was outside I would hide, race to find a tree and make sure there was no possible sight line from the car to me until it was gone. 

Climbing under the desk has the same feeling.

Yeah I know, I could just close my door. Same effect. No windows on the door. No windows in the office if ya remember. Life spent underground. 

Choices we make.

A super dear close old friend mentioned "The Midnight Library" and so of course I immediately put it on hold in the library. Both ebook and audiobook. Given how little patience I've had lately for the reading and reading has been putting me to sleep, when I have to sit and not move and just use my eyes. Audiobooks have saved me. I can listen and do dishes, cook dinner, ride on the bike path... build bikes. You know, that stuff. stuff that has to happen but doesn't have a social or audio component. Fuck does anything have a social component anymore?

At the beginning I really am not sure about this whole book, the premise, it was a bit too depressing, but I think i see where it is going and now want to see if I'm right. 

Trying to shake off that cloud that showed up this week.

Not sure the book is helping, but it is distracting. 

Haven't been able to really dig my hooks into any music in particular and that bugs me.

Things are being shaken up a bit maybe - events w/o control, with uncertainty that is tweaking my balance.

Dunno...

Was reflecting on how abjectly terrified i was last year, that palpable fear, and wondered when did it go away? 

why does it feel okay now, fewer unknowns I guess..

focus on what you can control, try to let the rest not disrupt what needs to be done. Sleep. Def need more sleep. 

okay enough fucking around in my head - time to get out of it and get more shit done.

heddwch

G