Hit the goal for the month early... comparing one of the worst years on the bike with this year... unfortunately I have no good records before getting smaht phone in '13, can only guess... but given results and Verge points in 2013 I'd say it was a peak performance year.
The data in images... lets see how the next 6 months shape up:
Mostly obviously all in large part to a monster month of May. June's still not doing too badly though. However going based on the Strava M-S week last week was the lowest mileage total since April. Which I suppose isn't a bad thing.
Smackdown tomorrow... and still a continuous streak of not missing a day on the bike. Although both May and June have a wee little barely a ride in on one day. But that's okay, can't do a century everyday (although actually given enough food, I probably could do that pretty easily at this point).
NBX is moving the shop from 4th up to Hope street with window space on the busiest street in the area and also at a stop light so much much more visibility. Moving day is Thursday. Gonna be an adjustment, but hopefully just more bikes for me to build, assuming I can squeeze more hours out of the day.
The ride with Deano was great. Much needed discussion and idea stimulation, back and forth a bit but it was good, despite the craziness in the previous 12 hrs. Super motivated to get going on this project, I think the goal is to give it a go at producing a book level set of images of the stuff my dad collected in Colorado. The story and sheer number of images lend themselves to a book more more readily than any other collection. Now to see if I can produce the content and then shop it around and see about getting someone to publish it, I can't come up with my own capital to do it, and I don't/wouldn't feel right doing the whole crowd source funding thing to publish it, but maybe that's last resort. But it is going to take a lot of time to generate the content. But ideas about how to document both the actual samples and help interpret the scale of everything along with the images, and the stories and locations, and to have something physical to share seems appropriate for this...
Now to clear off the rest of the mountain of work in between here and there.
only to get in early to test the system to find it not working, after being flawless yesterday. But only took two hours to get it back this time. Progress. But still frustrating. Totally counting on having to fix it again tomorrow morning.
Gorgeous morning ride this morning though.
Almost felt cold at 62°F when I left this morning. So i pushed the pace a touch and it was perfect.
The creative chef mojo seems to be lagging along with everything else. No idea what to cook, for dinner, broke down and got a slice of pizza from Nice Slice because... i dunno what else to order 'round here in the current state of mind. Which is not a good one, but not a bad one. Mostly just lost a bit, but too busy to look around and figure it out metaphorically.
oh well, one foot in front of the other...
maybe a quick grocery trip will help... we'll see what I can fit in my backpack.
two days of frantic crap with my microscope, the one that fuels my artistic vision, the one that i identify with more than any of the others. the one i might sacrifice all the others for....
it was down... it is up and maybe, after another couple hours over the next couple days, it may be better than ever.
news from my dad wasn't easy, hasn't been easy is impossible in some ways but hey it is only parkinsons, MJFox has had it for like a million years, no big deal. Right? Well my dad isn't MJF and doesn't have the same level of resources and well is older than I am and most people call me old so there's that but his mother is 103 and she's still kicking strong, although his father died in 1972ish.
And news still isn't easy.
Mini-muse has been around and that's been helpful, a strange dynamic but infectiously positive. So helpful, but also amidst this insanity with the system and the massive frustrations with Monday... an equalizer in on otherwise shitty day.
Full muse in full absentia, but to discuss a muse, is nuanced and delicate and complicated, not something i can do with shattered legs from Smackdown.
So little sleep, disruptions, extra beers since Sunday, I get Shoogs totally, even if what i'm wrestling with pales in comparison and no I'm not comparing but it doesn't really matter does it?
Smackdown tonight.... back on Mark's original route. Me being the nail on the first half... and dropping the motherfucking clydesdale hammer on the second half.
I've been thinking about this route. The original one, not the modified one by Brent and company.
It is fucking brilliant.
We're on the lowest traffic roads or going in the opposite direction of prevailing traffic the whole time. The dynamic of climbing climbing climbing climbing until the top, then flying down home... but not straight elevation gain, no, some undulations and all that.
It really is a pretty fucking perfect Smackdown/Tuesday Night Worlds ride.
It is also a bit long when you add a 8-9 mile ride home, or 7 from work or whatever. Late night.
Also smashy. Extra quad before i left for work in the morning. full pot of coffee at work... and sugah... on the woony path i sucked down a gel. Clif citrus (no preservers good flavor) downed some water... at the regroup point as we hit 44, i sucked down another, more water. Plus bottle full of Skratch mix that expired in april 2015. Why? Fuel the fiber type for the exertion type. This is a smashy sprint ride, getting the extra glucose in the system is good, in theory, and tonight? Kind of confirmed in practice.
From the top of T hill i was in the front/pushing the pace pretty much until we hit 44 again, then a recovery and a sprint win at the top of Greenville, then sitting in behind PKS and J, and just as we rounded the bend towards the chicken place I launched, and I launched HARD. Holy fuck. WOW.
I got SHELLED on Austin, sucked up Douglass Hook, but somehow felt much much stronger in the second half.
PKS protesting saying i need a doping check. Haha, me? doping? FFS i don't even have the cash to replace the fucking worn out tires i was riding today, and to that matter I was on the heavy all day riding wheels and tires, not the fast one from last week.
AND i only had one 44T chainring.
AND - fuck it do the excuses matter? Nope. What matters is that no matter how hard I push it, give me a few-5 min recovery and I feel good again. I'll lead you out but you better come around and win, or maybe you should have been leading me out.
I miss crits, I think my legs are kind of close. Give me another month like may (the part w/o the beer, not quite so many miles part) and take away all the responsibilities and the second job and maybe i could be something on the bike other than a lame lifer Cat 4. I might even make it to cat 3! Not that i care. Or need to focus on it.
Reading mayhew's CX mag article got me thinking about CXy time and intervals and David B's talk about signing up for Cycle Smart Coaching program with the discount for registering for the CX camp augmented it. What do i need to be doing now?
In my mind I need to be doing whatever I did on the bike with B in '13. But also analytically pulling back it isn't all about the bike... but then undeniably there's the mother fucking TT... goddamn I need to make that happen.
If the rest of my life would calm down enough so i could ignore it long enough to set this up, hey, well, that would be great.
Fox was bitching about being slow up Toureletott. well fucking knucklehead you took the lead at 16 mph and pulled off leaving the strongest but youngest in front but what did he do? kept pedaling at 16... i was getting sleepy at that pace, but also knew the longer I waited the better and well eventually I went, maybe halfway up? And then Fox and PKS attacked me and fine, went clear, i expected that, but the text complaining about how slow we were... well.. hey, you can't always sit on wheels if you want to go fast.
Also a 50 mile ride shouldn't seem like anything impressive, a normal typical couple (3+) hour ride. NBD.
Tonight on the bike was kind of a proof in concept. absofuckinglutely crush it on higher carb days and take it chill to make it all day on others. Training the fueling, all the fueling pathways, make everything flexible and functional and use it appropriately.
Today was a CXy race, kind of two of them. The first one was more like Assville, all hilly and ill suited to me, the second half? Like some totally flat CX race that suits me well of which there are no comparisons, other than maybe Plymouth south but that doesn't exist anymore so my anomaly race that i do way better than expected on is gone... but still was there and is worth using as comparison.
I've got a shit ton mountain of work to do, first to get anywhere near as fast as I was in 2013, likely not possible fwiw given all the factors, second just to get life sorted out enough to lay in plans and make shit happen that others have let drop.
And I need a beer. Downside to those cliff shots? and yeah, i'm a super coffee junkie, but those couple doses of 25mg are fucking with me right now.
All that means is more and more and more and more words...
Hell Giulia asked about CX season, I don't have a clue how to approach it this year. Kind of thinking of totally skipping SSCX because i don't have a bike purposefully built for it and because the Zanc series is focused so far away. I do know, much like last year, distance driven is going to be a big factor. Too far? no dice. Knocks out anything in VT and anything farther than G-ster, NoHo is the tipping point, too far but also I've always stayed over, at least since almost killing the UCI official. To stay or not to stay. Supercross is a big asterix, and maybe i'll head south on Friday this year, maybe won't race at all. But who knows.
Quad? to double up? probably not. Why bother? I dunno, this all needs to be sorted out at some point.
But is starting to simmer in the brain.
Lots of work to do before then.
too much to do...
and hell maybe I should just quit... my bikes are ancient and heavy, if functional sort of, def not on par with the rest of the 45+ field, but then, it is CX, and can I not? I don't think i can not do it.
What I cannot do is stay awake much longer... after 11pm and i gotta get up and make E coffee and breakfast before she leaves for work and then get my sorry ass sorted and to work and fix all the rest of the shit i ignored while fixing the tool a lot of people (other than me) need to use.
To all you who are dads, or to your dads or to the father's of you children or hell i dunno that should cover it all?
Today I got to sleep in, the girls are old enough that they LIKE sleeping in, and the dogs are young enough that they are patient enough until I am awake enough or showing signs of waking up enough to let them outside.
It is a good combo for sleeping in. When Sleeping in is an option.
It was today.
Realized just now I didn't go to work today. Well that's strange. WTF?
Gonna make Friday's paycheck smaller and given the next cycle of holy fuck we're so screwed bills coming up that's really not a good thing but oh well. I can't work 7 days a week EVERY week, six is enough with the occasional seven tossed in there? Right?
Dogs were late on Rabies and RI is the toughest state in the nation which is weird because rabies don't give a shit what state you live in but it is what it is and well need to get dogs renewed so headed to Vetco for the basic just get them legal vaccine. Got back and walked in the door and my phone, my 3+ year old stupid slow and painfully annoying but barely functional but use for everything even though battery life is lame was ringing. It was close to dead so I had it plugged in, and forgot to bring it with us.
My dad was calling.
He never calls, I usually call him on Father's day, and I was going to do that as soon as I walked in the door.
But he beat me to it.
He was strange on the phone, not normal, and I not being normal either when I got done with describing the insanity lately and the struggles and everything, I asked, (again, not normal for me) how he was doing, and he paused, talked about cataract surgery on one eye this week, about joking with the doctor saying "Isn't this a disease for old people?" And the doc laughed (my dad will be 78 this year, his mother/my grandmother is doing well at 103). But then he paused...
And I took a deep breath, and he said "I've been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, I haven't told any of you yet because I've been in denial for some time."
Those words were tough to hear.
Impossible almost.
Parkinson's isn't the worst, but if it is your diagnosis, or your father's? It still kind of sucks.
It was impossibly hard for him to tell me, but he did, finally.
He's okay, at least once the coordination comes back in his left side mid-day or so.
I'm thinking this has been a long kept secret.
Which kind of sucks.
And so that's my father's day.... and my Father's Day.
I got off the phone with my Dad and coordinated a ride with the smartest PhD neuro/Psych person i know and it was nice to talk to someone who could comprehend the depth and nuances of the disease... at least well we didn't get crazy talking about it but the understanding was there and we did talk at more in depth than I did/have so far with anyone else.
The ride home was slow. I would stop pedaling on the downhills... I was in total thought distraction mode going into the headwind.
How do... fuck... goddamnit... i dunno... feel like such a bad son not getting out there more often but then feel doubly and exponentially worse because I can't even afford to go out there and see him much less bring his grand-daughters for a visit.
But then I look back and he was always much the same way, locked in, doing what had to be done.
this pretty much...
esp since from my when i was 8 he was on the other side of the country...
never easy for us to talk, we seem always to be more comfortable in silence hanging out being together.
Which is funny because in our own element we both have more words to say than most...
apple... tree...
I dunno what to do
but yeah the last part of the ride was a struggle... esp once Giulia headed home and I was riding back alone....
my relationship with my Father has always been different than my brother's... but hey when you're the oldest of four brothers and the youngest two are twins, well someone has to take charge and sometimes you don't see the same that others do because you were the oldest and you went fishing with your dad, or pretty much everything because I was old enough to be with him before he moved to DC.
I make everything a bigger deal than it needs to be...
but...
this kind of isn't a little deal...
and once i get the SEM fixed on monday I'm going to spend a good deal of any element of free time working on imaging the Colorado collection my dad sent back to me...
Devastated by the unexpected precariousness of a friendship, battling schedule curveballs and insanity... Friday's planned ride (two weeks of mental heart setting on) was coming either at the perfect time or at the absolutely worst time.
The answer to both is yes.
The worst. Free fall, yeah if you're reading this who ever you are, you know last week kind of wasn't one of my better ones.
But perfect timing. But man. I think honestly at one point it was the lowest, worst, hardest, most difficult 31 miles. Given what I did in May, and the fact that I never hit that point the whole month, well hey well, maybe I was just on borrowed time.
Or lucky, or good. My mother-in-law is fond of saying "better lucky than good" and I've certainly fallen into that more than not, despite trying to be good, but failing obviously most of the time. Lucky? Happens rarely but it does, just enough to keep from giving up totally.
The morning was a cluster. but i got the bike ready, I made coffee but i had no time to make a proper breakfast, or prepare a proper fueling for the hundo attempt. I had fuel, but new/different. And starting the day with what I ate was a total handicap.
Also, to make it even more challenging? A handful of the best guys i know joined in for the first loop but then bailed because of kids and being awesome dads and stuff like that.
I felt mostly great in those first 50+ miles. Dropped back and struggled on the steepest pitches but hey - outweighing everyone by 30+ pounds is a price to pay. But I also really pushed it on that first loop.
And I didn't eat anything or drink any calories. And I started the day once i stopped being hungry, actually was hungry. Kind of perfect storm.
Set it up well though.
Finished that first loop. Def cracked a bit on the last section. Made it to the second seven stars bakery. And bought a big cookie and a large ice coffee. And drank 2.5 bottles of water.
So yeah - first plan, three loops, stop at all three Seven Stars bakeries, hit the Scituate reservoir and the one up there by Diamond Hill and after that realized that the Turner counted as the 3rd and that's just after the 3rd Seven stars. And then Goldberg pointed out that we hit three different bike paths.
The Second loop was the struggle. But only after 20 miles.
Mile 71 was remarkable. Holyfuck the wheels just fell off. I dunno where that was, but i do remember toggling through on the cateye velo 7 to find the mileage.
Bloated, energy stores depleted, just totally fucking off.
But i'm a stubborn motherfucker, no way, not giving up and Goldberg is the best, literally, the best. He was patient with me as I struggled every time it pitched up. And yeah, hey fuckhead, you picked a not hilly route for the first two loops.
Awesome.
But it kind of was. Goldberg's kindness, his demeanor, his aura, his awesomeness.... totally transformed me and was the catalyst that allowed me to go from super negative to super positive. A total polarity switch.
I was negative and touch and go getting to the ride, a handful of things had triggered hulksmash. I let them go mostly but the triggering was a bad sign. emotional batteries totally at zero. hey go figure, careful.... Don't make connections that will call out people's life choices. Sorry, woops.
I struggled. And struggled. We made it to the Blackstone bike path visitor park center, and a very attractive RI blonde park ranger asked where we were from because we were definitely not from RI (accent) but allowed us use of the bathroom and i was able to get some water.
And we paused, at the most crazy display on the picnic table, and talked. And I ate my last bit of food. But it was a pause...
very much pivotal point... the next handful of miles weren't great, and I looked at the mileage, was doing mental calcs, i could ride home and get in the hundo, skip that last loop, just ride home into the headwind.
Goldberg held me to the storyline. Held me to the goal, but in the most gentle encouraging supportive way possible. I need that. I can see it but i need someone to guide me at times. We stopped. Mostly just to fill waterbottles. The woman there looked SUPER familiar, can't place her face with location. Initially the idea was to get a shot of espresso for the final loop...
Sticking with water was the right choice.
We crossed over the Turner resevoir, my initial thoughts were to totally bail and just turn right on Arcade and take the easiest way home, but... that was the same point my legs came back, I felt good. Sore, and feeling the miles but I felt like it was time to ride another hundo. And called an audible and we headed the long way home.
With the headwind I did NOT want to ride south on the bike path.
But at that point, a switch flipped, maybe Goldberg was flipping it the whole time but boom, it worked. And wow.
What a change. I felt kind of freaking SO MUCH BETTER!
Goldberg... he's done it time and time again, this time more needed than ever, he's got this transformative healing power, maybe it is the fact that I know how hard he worked the days leading up to Friday so he could take the day and ride with me. I know the effort and sacrifice he put in to make it happen.
Not just Friday, but the 31st of May, also the ride to Plymouth.
Indebted. Wishing I could replay in the same currency that i was paid in, but my account is so overdrawn that all i can say is that I'm forever in his debt, and I'm happy with that.
I completed the storyline... finished all three loops... doesn't look much like a Poison Ivy plant, def more of an orchid (wife suggested it was very suggestive) or my dear friend Russ "like a majestic dragon rearing up"
or whatever...
completely...
storyline complete...
and June Hundo done.
Mileage is slacking but May was an asterix.
4,000 miles but the end of June is still in reach and if I can make that happen it will be good.
Not sure I can make it happen alone.
But I didn't get to this point alone.
And those who got me here, thank you.
Looking for the bright spots.
Friday was absolutely the brightest. and the darkest.
Today was tough, realizing most people my age aren't working two jobs just to make ends meet and still being the butt of the joke "hey lets by something with GeWilli's credit card, oh wait, we need to spend a couple thousand, there's only like $50 on there" truth hurts... life sucks but sacrifices are hopefully worth it and well, my perspective is different than most.
We'll see what tomorrow brings... maybe a ride with my #PVDvelo best friends, maybe I'll just go to work esp since my good bike is called into question as to being a good bike, "what is you good bike" this is it, "no really, you work at a bike shop, what is your good bike?" "this is it and no it isn't good and it is a reflection of pretty much everything." But hey.
whatever....
Friday was an awesome day.
I'll have another day like that.
I don't think I'll repeat what JLSCX and I did last year on the longest day this year. But I don't think i really want to repeat that ride as it would dilute the memories I created with James.
June Hundo prep this morning, so spastic so crazy, so much going on, nothing predictable, no routine, and no where near as much riding as I want.
Ok, but first coffee.
that's kind of the prelude to everything now.
yeah i'm struggling
yeah i've said some shit maybe i shouldn't have
life's pretty freaking crazy
today's loop should be fun, start the day off with the local gang.
The first loop will be able all most of them will be able to do but that's fine, Goldberg has worked his butt off to clear a schedule today so he can do the whole ride with me. And I will forever be indebted to that guy, his company on the long rides in May and every other ride together are wonderfully appreciated.
I'm a lucky asshole to have friends like him.
I guess i'm also lucky that i got everything ready and felt hungry and was able to make a quick PB&J for breakfast (skipping the eggs today for some reason). Lunch/fuel packed. Trying something different in the pockets. I think it may be a bad idea but why not. And lucky in that i have a chance to sit down and reflect a bit.
AND MAKE MORE COFFEE.
in a few minutes I have to drive in kit to drop oldest kid off, then race back and jump on bike and hopefully get to ride start in time.
The initial plans were changed by kid's schedule change. Drop her off an hour earlier then get to ride start and order coffee and chill and wait for everyone to roll up. Perhaps others will chill and enjoy a coffee waiting for me to roll up.
Three Seven Stars June Leaf Ride -in memory of all the trees on the west side of the state that lost all their leaves to hungry gypsy moth caterpillars. Lets see if i remember that title when I hit stop on the phone. Also yes, annoying still that i'm text only on rides, but hey, whatever, it is only an inconvenience to others for the most part.
And hey - it keeps me off social media, which probably is a good thing, at this rate i won't have any friends left on there, just the bots. But hey maybe i can figure out a way to get bots to block me too!
Five minutes.
more coffee.
Also wishing i have some of those white sun sleeve things for my arms. Sunday's sunburn was enhanced on Tuesday and Wednesday. First coat is on, will re-apply just before I roll out the door. I do have confidence in the Blue Lizard, i just probably should have used it Sunday. Oops.
Yeah, had a tailwind, with a headwind I might never had made it home.
Bright spots today were interactions with people who were blind to internal struggle.
They helped.
They made it better.
For a moment.
I tweeted about the new feeling lately, not sure which of the six different twitters i used to say it but different feeling lately, not so much darkness, more like major tom floating in space, peace but recognition that shit's so fucked up and you're floating in a fucking vacuum and there's not a fucking thing you can do...
because choices you've made....
posted three instagram photos tonight...
trying to counter the mood...
depressed thinking that the hub there and skewer have been on every 700c bike i've owned... reminded that the bike is what i love but it kind of doesn't love me back. and that i don't have a nice bike. or nice wheels...
but hey that's just shit to overcome right?
barriers and such... get off and run that shit...
hoping friday can turn the page, maybe i can let go of the guilt of responsibility and just enjoy the ride...
the slowest ride home didn't help much...
it did remind me that I have an amazing commute home, that it is beautiful and amazing here in RI...
I'm lucky, it isn't michigan...
but yeah lets not talk about Michigan, might have to bring up the whole K-zoo thing, and that might lead to connecting an overpowered SUV with an assault weapon. I mean shit - how much power do you need?
touchy subject - dancing around it i suppose...
not that i can dance... decidedly can't....
radio...
dogs
me...
waiting....
not sure for what...
waiting to figure it out?
if i haven't yet i'm pretty confident i won't...
i should watch something entertaining and uplifting... but i can barely see the screen over my hairy knuckles on the laptop... sticking with radio i suppose...
but hey...
i'll do what i do...
one foot in front of the other...
keep moving forward...
hulk's good a smashing but mostly just good at keeping forward progress through mountains of rubble....
as i'm driving around all day shuttling here and there having to be places in less time than it takes to ride because i was given a schedule at the last minute...
cars... what makes a car an AR-15 vs a black powder musket rifle?
Power.
Disclaimer I know a LOT of gun people, hunters, collectors and otherwise enthusiasts.
And I think too much.
And I make connections others don't.
And it usually takes too long to explain to make it worth while.
But...
Why do people (the collectors and recreational shooters) want an AR-15? Same reason why the dentist wants a trek Project One in Livestrong colors. Same reason why someone would buy a 911 vs a two door economy hatch back.
Power.
A smart car could plow into a pack of 9 riders and maybe all of them would survive. Hit them with a 3/4 ton Pickup truck or some other oversized overkill vehicle of personal expression or luxury that has way more power and capacity than needed to move one person around yeah... that's the missing bit in the horrible post i wrote that is probably all wrong.
I can keep drawing out this comparison to the absolute minutia. There's a fucking mountain of parallels that I can draw on to justify my controversial claim that a large car with excessive power is the AR-15 of cars. Do I need to? Maybe but maybe take emotions aside and it seems understandable but yes - cars are accepted killers to the tune of 30-40k people a year and millions more injured. If we were all driving low power boring cars with barely appropriate horsepower to get out of their own way... well ya know what? That number would be considerably lower. It might go lower than gun deaths if we some how implement a cell jammer in ever car.
But hey.
we gotta get to bike races somehow and cars are cool and we're amuricans and shit man - cars rule this country and guns.... no matter how much people filibuster...
Tomorrow is a Hundo day. Today was great... end of day a cluster.
Last night we gathered again to celebrate Mark's life with the ride he created.
Good but small group showed up. Mostly the core PVDvelo gang, Fox, Goldberg, Brent, JPalm and we had a new guy join us, we'll call him Oregon Dave. Super fit looking, everything labeling him as a very experienced and fit cyclists (except for the rear facing rear skewer).
We rolled out a few minutes late but we didn't pick up any stragglers until we got to the Woony path and found Andrew on his commuter bike.
It was social on the path a bit of discussion, introduction, some idle talk. Then we hit greenville, Fox sets a bit of a pace, peels off pretty quickly, JPalm sets the pace for a bit, then peels off (or the other way around - i don't remember I lost a handful of braincells on the ride), and I get to the front, and up the tempo and just set a nice steady pace. All the way until 44. I push it and bury myself on the last incline and legs feel oddly not terrible, didn't die where they did last week.
Rolling on to Austin, Brent takes the first pull, I sit on his wheel after rolling through the intersection first and second but I'm still feeling pretty cooked from the Greenville effort and drop out of the rotation pretty quickly after Brent pulls off. But that left Andrew leading and suddenly the pace up the hill goes up. And stays up... I'm sitting in behind Goldberg and he eventually pulls out and signals that he's loosing the wheel and I jump to close the gap, and I'm kind of surprised that i could and did. And then we got more towards the top and a wee gap opens that I couldn't close and we roll onto the right turn wondering how far back Brent and Goldberg are, I soft pedal and wait a bit, don't see them then finally see them, Oregon Dave and Fox are up front and well, cars between and sprint lines coming up and well, time to motor.
I time the first sprint line kind of perfectly but JPalm almost timed it better and nearly got me, the next riser gapped me a bit but it was good, we wound up making it through the hillier stuff kind of more or less as a group of four or five, i forget where JPalm got distanced but it may have been on those risers as when we started Douglas Hook I'm kind of thinking it was the four of us. Me and the climbers.
wait what the fuck.
As we're about to make the turn up Douglass, Fox has his arm out signalling a left and an old beat up SUV comes flying past nearly clipping him and passing us on the double yellow as we're signalling for the left... it was a close call.
But we start the climb and Fox and Oregon Dave are kind of pacing eachother, Andrew's hanging on my wheel, perhaps his commuter is a good equalizer, either way we're both on single rings, I think I had a few more teeth on mine. And while those lead two establish a gap I'm kind of surprised I can keep the gap steady and then towards MLFN's sprint line start pulling them back. Andrew the whole time sitting there on my wheel. I pay for it a bit later as they gap me on the start of the big down hill. But I do catch on and am able to have some fun crushing the pace leading into the final pitch up towards 44 where I get super smoked.
We gather and re-group, I talk with Oregon Dave a bit while JPalm and Goldberg and Brent all roll in. We pause for a few minutes and then roll out on 44.
By the CVS as the road is bearing left and we're following the road another beat up SUV come FLYING around us to take the right turn. Another very close call. But hey, close calls kind of don't register the same way anymore. I'm talking with Dave, it comes out that i work at a shop and he asks where my good bike is.
I have to say, honestly, I don't have one, and this is met with baffled confusion, he doesn't know enough to understand that yes, I'm in the extreme minority of people who work in shops who actually ride who have only old or shitty bikes and nothing new or fast or nice to ride. Sure the Quantum Pro is cool but it is old and not up to date and doesn't have cool wheels or 11 speeds or anything nice by current standards.
So we turn up Tourtellot Hill, I'm setting the pace, Dave's sitting on my wheel asking questions. It is a mile long hill 3-4% grade and I'm working as hard as I think I can to sustain the pace to the top. We get close and then Fox jumps and leaves just Jpalm there with me... it hurt.
But they weren't that far ahead... Goldberg and Brent weren't in contact though, and we headed out down Paris Irons. Under naked trees. Pretty much all the trees have been defoliated by the gypsy moths. Normally shady and dark roads were lit like it was winter. Very surreal.
But high point means motor time. And I did what big guys like to do once the high point of the ride is reached. I pedal my ass off. And that's kind of the rest of the ride. Me on the front spinning the 44x11 from 25-30 mph most of the way back.
Andrew commented that all those miles in May were good to me. And then I had to explain why I rode them all and of course I had to tell the story about those 9 miles I missed the title by and of course everyone's response was "why didn't you go out and get them if you could have checked" and well I still get kind of sad/mad/depressed thinking about how close I was and that the win was in my hands and I let it go because of some stupid thing that seemed like integrity saying "it will be what it is" which still hurts to say.
But even if I lost the extra miles are making a difference, the challenge lately has been to keep the mileage up. Keep riding.
Stresses flying at me from every direction.
But last night was a perfect tribute to Mark, we were able to ride, to ride fast and push each other hard and still enjoy a group ride and good company on a beautiful tuesday evening. And tell part of the story of MLFN's dream and goal for the ride to the new guy.
And of course I made my sunday sunburn worse. And got home late, and maybe riding on my wedding anniversary was a wee bit selfish but leading these rides, i do for everyone who shows up and for Mark's memory, fortunately my wife is understanding of the weekly ride routine.
Hopefully I can escape Friday and be selfish and get the June Hundo in. Current idea is the Three Seven Stars clover ride. Kind of the distillation of cycling options in RI into three loops and three spots to get ice coffee and pastries...
But next week we'll be back at the Tuesday Night Smackdown, the Rhode Island Smack Down ride or as MLFN called it the R.I.S.D. ride. Same route as last night next week. Same time.
MLFN was one of those who was able to transcend and connect and want to know, to reach across and figure it out. Or maybe he wasn't, I think he was, but I've realized it has been a very long time since we've lost him and the ride was going only a handful of years before cancer took him. And the world was a different place then.
Yesterday's ride [Celebrating the life of a friend we lost too soon by carrying on his tradition, his ride, and carrying on his spirit.] was such a high that the end of the night kind of was set up for the pendulum swing and well, physically depleted brain function is not always a good one. So, um, sorry about that.
this not working... (yet today - still a chance to change it up)
Almost like a day off. Almost like a sunday for a cycling enthusiast.
I needed today's ride. Maybe should have kind of sort of put some sunscreen on, but hey I was riding at 6:15am... no big deal... except that I didn't get back till after 11am.
Oops. Plenty of time to get my first sunburn of the season, maybe first one in year or two.
It was a great ride with PKS and his buddy who grew up in Seattle and I can't remember his name at all, other than starts with T, me and not good with names, but good with faces. After the PTSD inducing viewing of Pretty in Pink last night, yeah go figure that movie reminded me of all the bad shit from high school, cliffnote version: i was pretty fucking miserable back then... Finally got to sleep, grumpy and tweaked... didn't sleep much as is the case when a ride is planned for the next morning, even with an alarm I kept waking up... "is it time yet" no "is it time yet" no got an email at 4:20am... NOT the email I wanted to get. Was figuring it was PKS with his reply saying he'll be up at 4am and check see who's coming along for the ride. That email didn't come through until 5:30ish.... Nah it was the GoDaddy auction notice that I'd been outbid. Out bid for the domain I woke up at 5am weeks ago to try and snag before I figured out how this whole thing worked. I spent the morning and the ride wondering what to do. How much was I willing to attempt to figure out how get? Not easy when you have zero dollars to spend and you need to spend to make stuff happen. Hem and haw and think and process... introspect and pedal... dangle off PKS and T's wheels, snap out of it and recover... discussed with Erin when I got back... agonized and got worked up, heart rate jacked, heart palpitations, hands trembling, and then the outbidder was outbit... and then it went up and up, and then I put my first counter bid in, and boom, auto-overbid. agonized another 5 minutes, I upped my high limit by $50 and re-bid. Same. Outbid. Well fuck. Hey guess who lost again. ME. Yup. No shock there, and soon enough maybe I'll be able to add another name to the wall of people who've won what I'd so desperately wanted but missed out on. But then my outbidder got outbid and it went up and up and up and WAY higher than I could have even hoped to come up with the cash for.
Not meant to be. But kind of drives home the whole Pretty in Pink PTSD, and the rest of the big triggers I have. If I'd only had enough cash resources to make it happen... and then ya know what? If i did my stories would be shit and boring and what's the point there. No agony no issues. Would seem easy and fine. Hard to make those stories sound engaging. Not that I'm TRYING to make my story more of anything.
Just kind of hoped to solidify the digital identity, but maybe I need to re-evaluate, come up with a truly unique digital ID for this... something other than GeWilli fwiw.
Now this ride? I got there, no problem, we started heading towards Douglas State Forest or whatever the forest area that is north of Buck Hill where the North South Trail starts. We were going the opposite direction compared to when I did the ride with Jason and Goldberg, and the roads there are starting to be very familiar. Still a bit lost getting to them if we deviate from the previous rides but hey it was good.
Except the roads were wet, and covered with gypsy moth caterpillars and caterpillar poop and leaf debris. We all got completely covered with the poop, the bikes picked up a pound or two if the stuff, it is insane out there. Nuts. And while it would be nice to have an easier gear than a 44-28, it actually worked pretty damn well. Nothing too steep or too long that I couldn't get up w/o much stress, and the high end? still able to crank a 25+ average down greenville and catch up on a wheel down hill at 30-35 mph.
Looking forward to riding out that way on Tuesday for the smackdown. The OG loop again. Full gas down Snake Hill. As Braaaaapy as you can get on a road bike. 5pm DePasqualle Square on Atwells Ave in PVD.
24 miles/day to get to the 4k mark by the end of the 6th month in comparison with trying to get to it on the 12th month in 2014.
Well... down time is over, gotta get up and get working on the next thing.
Nothing like getting the every other year labs back from the Doc (she doesn't see the point in doing them every year if my numbers keep looking like this, but she's gonna be testing Vit D 25-Hydroxy annually until I actually start taking a supplement regularly.
Lipid panels crushed it, so that's nice, but I think that's both genetics and diet.
My RBCs were low 4.1 on a reference range of 4.2-5.4 and well you know what that means as a cyclists, yup, i'm fucked.
HCT was unsurprisingly 38.2% yeah i have no idea how fucking awesome it would feel to have that number at 47 (the high end of reference range, low end is 37 btw).
So I did that whole ride to Boston and back and then the smackdown and all that wish super shitty numbers eh?
Impressively predictable.
Point to those numbers, hey, I'm slow, this is why. But I'm fast given how low they are and as much as I have to overcome. But that 'fast' is still slow.
Maybe I should get a referral to an aging clinic, does up on some T-gel, HGH, EPO... that is probably a better way to get fast than getting a divorce and dating a 22 year old cyclist. Probably cheaper too.
I rode the long way in today.
It was good. Def going to try and do that tomorrow too. Need to get out the door early enough for that to happen, with luck....
Blood work is buggin me though... but it makes sense...
Explains kind of my racing [aka lack of] palmares. No watts williams also has no where near enough RBCs for what he wants to do.
It sucks.
Also... very funny that the labs have my sex as F.... seriously? Hey, that's kind of funny actually.
Need to get shit together... too much sitting here contemplating numbers my body regulates that I have little control over.
it is what it is and i guess that explains lots of stuff...
Scotty B's words of wisdom, "your problems are still your own problems..."
Point being they are yours and they are impacting you, they may be super trivial but they are yours.
But then reflecting on what others have overcome it sort of opens the trapdoor of negative feedback and it gets worse and worse and those predisposed to it wind up in a frozen state of basically wing stall, there ain't nothing you can do, everything is out of your control. Dead stick. You're along for the ride and it feels like you're going to crash.
The TT is dead in the water a little bit. Why? I'm going six ways to sunday every minute I'm at work lately. At home? Heck I just filled the dishwasher with stuff in the sink. If the inhabitants of the house can fill the sink so efficiently you'd think the dishwasher would be even easier. Yeah it was not full of clean dishes. I know, i know stop focusing on the negative. Hey. Dead Stick Motherfucker. TT, huge commitment has been put in action, sadly the action part is lagging. Grass crit is in question, brother's kind of backpedaling after over enthusiastic commitment and of course some people are going to be "I told you so" and yeah i dunno.
Commute home was fucking cold. It is JUNE. The Rain was F'N COLD. At least it was a tailwind and all that. But still, bike path was pretty empty and that's pretty rare for June.
I think perhaps the lack of long rides in the last 7 days have not been good. Saturday was kind of a long ride but not really. Last night was kind of a long ride but it was fucking crammed into a high speed train wreck of a day. And i felt like crap, was not recovering after efforts well at all. Anyway, grappling with unknown demons despite positive building of great stuff. Want to take the long way but no time. Maybe tomorrow morning but that's also up in the air.
Yesterday's end point of the post - very much on point. May ended and rather than pedaling furiously I switched gears and have been going 100% non-stop w/o the reward that pedaling affords. Also maybe explaining the cliff note version of 2013/2014 to Soctty B wasn't the best thing to do on the ride.
Mentally have set a goal maybe I can't reach and each day that passes makes the goal more impossible. I wanted to match 2014 annual mileage by the end of this month. And looking at the numbers... 574 miles by the end of the month. Heck I did almost that many miles in a week in May. And look how it set up my June. But it is within grasp. Need only to average 26 miles a day for the rest of the month. Still possible but man, feels impossible at the moment.
But hey - my time is up, i created a handful of minutes and used them to write. Now to get the timing of diner correct I have to stop being a pathetic cranky asshole and get back to work... and all the while not be mentally challenged enough to stop thinking about everything else I'm failing at.... But hey, at least when I got home the bike was wet and the gypsy moth guts from the west bay were softened enough to wash off with the hose. Bike's dirty but not covered in shit anymore. And despite sucking balls as a CX bike the black blue is a pretty good road bike for me. Chain stays are too long and it is about as slow as I am but we've come to a good understanding over all these years and miles.
It is a good bike.
Oh and my tires are fucked. Go figure, ride a lot and you wear shit out. #SHOCKED (noticed as I rolled into the house). Hopefully I can get a few more miles out of them before they shit the bed.
he left an impression... initial reaction to his passing is here
This year my idea to celebrate Mark and his influence and to carry on his spirit was to switch the route up and use his original planned route. Crazy sprint lines and all. Painted Turtle rock sprint line? Hell yeah. Sprint line at the first false flat peak on Douglass Hiill? Yup. Austin sprint finishes at the water tower AFTER the turn? Yep.
Tonight was good. My legs were half baked, stressed and oddly fueled after today's insanity, but you make do with what you've got.
There were mechanicals, we started with 5 and wound up with 3.
Next week maybe we'll have more? and better finish ratio?
So many memories on that ride, from times when Mark was there, from when Mark had passed...
Celebratory memories.
Greve and I started going through who's been in the team and who's left... other than Dr Flats and me the only one going back to '05/06 is Burke... turnover, but everyone who has left still has a place in our cycling heart, in the club, from Skinny to Not Skinny... and we're losing a bunch this summer. PKS to PA, Fox to Seattle, Kyle to DC/NASA. Sometimes it isn't easy being the core. It takes work. But also, there is a recognition of responsibility. no Shirking duties...
If you have a chance and a free tuesday evening, come out this month, ride with us... we'll tell the best stories of our best friend that is no longer with us.
Today has been going 100% since 5am. Time to clean up and pass out from exhaustion.
But cracked a Take 5 tallboy, not feeling the writing mojo... also middle of making dinner so that's kind of a distraction.
Noticed that even after 120 miles I had a couple great times on the Smackdown loop that I was able to join, encouraging.
Also noted today that I had a couple PRs and actually felt pretty damn good (but was hurting) on the climbs around Tower Hill.
Also encouraging. Wondering perhaps maybe I can get faster than I was in 2013 and erase that chapter as the fastest I ever was. Would be mentally much easier if that was the case.
How many miles did I ride in May? Over 1700.
How many hours? So many hours.
Had a good re-hash of 2013-2014 with Scotty B today, at the same time, he was going through his stuff but I was so wrapped up in mine I only kind of was aware of what his struggles were and that made me sad, but also can understand very well.
The recap will be forthcoming, when I can catch up on everything from being gone so much. I was going 100% the whole month, just didn't feel like it because a good amount of the time I was going 100% for myself and that's pretty rare. But choices we make, eh? It also mean that when I wasn't going 100% for myself (on the bike) I was going 100% everywhere that I usually try and cruise at 80 and only kick in that last 20 when needed, which is far more frequent than is sustainable but hey - do I have a choice? at this point? nope. Way back when? Yeah.
It is true though...
Gonna end with a quote from a good friend...
"Listen, life is about making stories. Sometimes second is a better story."
the lack of level playing field in the following sentences equally true across the board, but those two sentences... truth... i just hope/endeavor to tell 'the rest of the' story soon.
