ugh slug

Scotty B's words of wisdom, "your problems are still your own problems..."

Point being they are yours and they are impacting you, they may be super trivial but they are yours.

But then reflecting on what others have overcome it sort of opens the trapdoor of negative feedback and it gets worse and worse and those predisposed to it wind up in a frozen state of basically wing stall, there ain't nothing you can do, everything is out of your control. Dead stick. You're along for the ride and it feels like you're going to crash.

The TT is dead in the water a little bit. Why? I'm going six ways to sunday every minute I'm at work lately. At home? Heck I just filled the dishwasher with stuff in the sink. If the inhabitants of the house can fill the sink so efficiently you'd think the dishwasher would be even easier. Yeah it was not full of clean dishes. I know, i know stop focusing on the negative. Hey. Dead Stick Motherfucker. TT, huge commitment has been put in action, sadly the action part is lagging. Grass crit is in question, brother's kind of backpedaling after over enthusiastic commitment and of course some people are going to be "I told you so" and yeah i dunno.

Commute home was fucking cold. It is JUNE. The Rain was F'N COLD. At least it was a tailwind and all that. But still, bike path was pretty empty and that's pretty rare for June.

I think perhaps the lack of long rides in the last 7 days have not been good. Saturday was kind of a long ride but not really. Last night was kind of a long ride but it was fucking crammed into a high speed train wreck of a day. And i felt like crap, was not recovering after efforts well at all. Anyway, grappling with unknown demons despite positive building of great stuff. Want to take the long way but no time. Maybe tomorrow morning but that's also up in the air.

Yesterday's end point of the post - very much on point. May ended and rather than pedaling furiously I switched gears and have been going 100% non-stop w/o the reward that pedaling affords. Also maybe explaining the cliff note version of 2013/2014 to Soctty B wasn't the best thing to do on the ride.

Mentally have set a goal maybe I can't reach and each day that passes makes the goal more impossible. I wanted to match 2014 annual mileage by the end of this month. And looking at the numbers...  574 miles by the end of the month. Heck I did almost that many miles in a week in May. And look how it set up my June. But it is within grasp. Need only to average 26 miles a day for the rest of the month. Still possible but man, feels impossible at the moment.

But hey - my time is up, i created a handful of minutes and used them to write. Now to get the timing of diner correct I have to stop being a pathetic cranky asshole and get back to work... and all the while not be mentally challenged enough to stop thinking about everything else I'm failing at....  But hey, at least when I got home the bike was wet and the gypsy moth guts from the west bay were softened enough to wash off with the hose. Bike's dirty but not covered in shit anymore. And despite sucking balls as a CX bike the black blue is a pretty good road bike for me. Chain stays are too long and it is about as slow as I am but we've come to a good understanding over all these years and miles.

It is a good bike.

Oh and my tires are fucked. Go figure, ride a lot and you wear shit out. #SHOCKED (noticed as I rolled into the house). Hopefully I can get a few more miles out of them before they shit the bed.

Heddwch
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