Hipster Tractor Pulls

What a divinely inspired phrase to use describing the Cyclocross scene in Portland, OR. Seriously - cracks me up now again thinking about it.

Myerson has gotten way too much patting on the back for that short bit of prose but it's pretty solid, and not that far wrong.

Take my race on Sunday as an example. It didn't go so well. First lap i didn't get off to a great start, thought I did but in my pre-riding I jumped on the course as it went by the startline headed to the triple bypass of spectator crossing death and I completely blanked on checking the start. never really assuming it was going to be changed but not giving it a thought (worse). Not till the start did I realize woops I'm way f'n out of position here - but I managed to slither and slink up a bit but mostly I still came through there pretty close to last. Up and down and around, running. Someone broke the stake on the double off camber 180 and I just stepped over the fencing (invoking the Paul Curly rule: "if it isn't taped it is only a suggestion"). But it was tight through the middle of the triple, then the whole run in into the barriers. I wasn't last but I was doing a damn good job getting there.

Barriers were okay - managed to survive and get around. Until we dropped into the bowl for the first time. Tall Embro guy who I crashed in front of at Gloucester on day two stalled and kind of dove across my line forcing me into the roots and ultimately I didn't have enough momentum/power/skill to recover and was able to reach out and with three finger tips grab the tree bark with enough force that I didn't slide backwards all the way down the hill. A bit later my fingers were burning so much I had to look at them, I thought there was a chance that I had ripped the skin off and they were bleeding (they were numb - couldn't feel a thing from the treebark). But I recovered and managed to get back on the end of the conga line. Yeah. Me. Lantern Rouge. Not even one lap in. Oh so not a good spot to be.

We headed around to the triple for the third pass, down in front of Timmie's van and up the dirt. EVERYONE was riding it. And riding it clean. No issues. It was easy. Everyone EXCEPT THE GUY IN FRONT OF ME. Seriously. I was riding up on his wheel, maybe too fast but I was holding momentum and traction and he started to bail, and I was set up to slide around to his left, leaving a couple feet to spare. Well. He stopped. And put a foot down, except it wasn't just down, it was out to the left and in my line, no room to avoid it and I had to stop and put a foot down, awkwardly. And then he took off.

And then I was riding alone. Saw Buck walking off the course, a couple guys with flats came back through me and then there was CTodd.

That jackass was up by the start finish. But before I realized who was yelling at me at the S/F line I noticed that there were 4 to go. FOUR? MORE? Shit I thought the laps were longer and man - didn't expect 7 laps.

That sucked some anger out, not that my legs were doing anything. To make it all worse Steve Lehman was never behind me all race. He's always behind me and just works his way through me or up to me. Sunday? I dunno what he did, maybe he warmed up or something but he was gone, up there with G-ride and GCD. Of Course Kyle Wolf working as an official didn't help. Kyle and I were in the pits for JONNY BOLD's win and while Roger Asphlom struggled in the ice. Last year Kyle seemed to figure out the cross thing, but he said he'd rather hang out at a cross race and get paid than to pay money to see how much he sucked, he said he knew how much he sucked and didn't need a reminder.

So Ctodd, sitting up there with 3 to go shouted "YOU AREN'T DFL AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET LAPPED" and you know what? That fired me up. Not enough to catch anyone (I was so alone at that point) but I dug deep and sucked every last watt out of my poorly trained legs because damn it that would be awesome.

Saddly, I came back around for the next lap and there is a 1 to go sign... shit i'm going to get lapped... and CTodd stands up and covers up the 1 to go and tells me I have 2 to go. Huh, that only means one thing, Leaders are coming through soon.

How soon? Time to untune out Richard and Company on the PA system. On a race like Saturday I don't hear the announcers at all, even going by the speakers, the sound doesn't register, sometimes I need to work on tuning other stuff out while racing. I come through the section off the grass and hear that Mark M is headed past the big Oak. "I wonder if that is the tree over by Kinnen (sp?) at the start, if it is I will be seeing him sooner than later." Uh oh. It is. "ONE TO GO FOR MARK ONE TO GO."

shit.

so I ride, one eye looking over my shoulder. I make it around through the up and down and then through the middle of the triple bypass before he's on me and he goes flying through. I did learn a new line through the post pit corner left hander with the roots where solobreak and g-ride decided to cuddle. And then i had to wait. And pedal really hard. And wait. And keep pedaling before the next gang came through. That was the long haired vandessel rider with Kevin glued on his wheel 18 second of spacing later. Then came Kevin, he caught me going through the pits maybe on the other side from where Mark got me, I got right the hell out of the way for all those guys and even shouted some encouragement.

I knew it was one of my worst days on a bike in a race in a while. Right from the start it was a doomed race. But I worked and wrung every last bit out of me. I didn't give up. I didn't stop hitting myself in the head with the hammer until I crossed the finish line. And it took a long time of being a mopey pissed jackass before I could even act somewhat normally or talk to anyone.

Right away I fired my coach, I was left wondering wtf to do. How to make it work. How could I salvage the whole rest of the season.

But then you know, I knew going into the weekend that I rarely have one good race let alone two after a rest week. Last year I either delayed the rest to the week after PVD or that's how I planned it anyway either way there was no way I could have carried a full program last week (which isn't much but it is more than doing nothing).

So really, with all the distractions, the rest week, the decent day on Saturday, totally didn't sleep well at all Saturday night... considering I finished with out crashing or breaking any equipment, I was able to drive myself home w/o stopping at the hospital on the way home or being picked up from the hospital, it really was okay.

that and the only time I get to cheer for Jonny Bold is when he's lapping me, well I guess that's okay too... once or twice... no more than that though.

Tubular tires were delivered yesterday, got them stretching, going to get them glued up. Kind of odd how when they showed up all the pre-season planning was over. Was that what was killing the mojo? All the bits in line? Now to try and sell that pesky fishing reel, and the wicked cool salmon flies and what ever else I can turn into cash instead of just a box full of cool old junk doing me not much good.

Oh and while G-ride might be a little old Justy, I'm a big old high torque diesel motor in desperate need of new nozzles and a turbo upgrade, maybe a chip tuning. But I think the chip tuning is more in line of how my wife described it (scoop the brains out, throw it on the ground, stomp on it and put it back in), or as Solobreak and others say "Stop thinking so much."

Team Mate and all around awesome guy Mark SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUPS Suprenant sent me a few shots, and I might get around to posting them... maybe...

I did manage, despite the Solenoid on the starter hanging up and getting jammed in the start the motor position but don't extend the bendix and keep buzzing away and changing the whole dynamics, to get a workout in. Coach is giving me the same shit from last year, only a month or two earlier. I think he thinks that hitting Phase 5 in November will be better than hitting it in December. And well, I need to not over think it and just do what he says. Okay so he's not really a coach as much as a trainer. I have Nega-Coach for that, telling me all sorts of things, not nearly enough of which I remember when I need to.

Oh well - one of these days I'll figure it out...