it is like...

a one man improve show with defined goals of trying to get your audience to learn something and you have to make sure they understand and get what you're doing.

it takes a good bit of energy, and yes it is like being on stage.

often the audience is seeing the show for the first time. Sometimes they've had some experience, sometimes the audience is far more adept at grasping the show than others.

No matter what you lay everything on the line, reading the audience, the faces for clues of comprehension/boredom/confusion/enthusiasm and modifying tweaking the delivery or the information based on the common goal of getting them the skills and tools to run the half million dollar bit of equipment w/o messing it up or affecting the 200 potential users (usually we only have about 30-50 different ones per week) access to the potential data.

it is fun, at times. rewarding at others. but draining. It is something I can throw everything behind and get results.

The show is dynamic, each new session either reinforces a method or a way of explaining something, or develops a new way, a better way, or a different way that this particular audience can grasp that i can stick into the show notes. But there are no notes.

I have about 15-20 different shows that have to be ready to go at any one time. There's little time to study and rehearse. In fact there are no rehearsals. There is not curtain. Green room time consists of distracting my brain with things like this between shows. Trying to hit reset so the next presentation is as fresh as the first one. Today, well today I didn't really realize what I had scheduled for myself until I got started with the final one. I had a few minutes to watch the Detroit films, but the last words went down as a comment as the next show was starting. A few minutes for lunch and now, finally, sitting back down. Looking at a list of emails asking to schedule appearances. But of course we have to juggle them all between the audience, the performance hall and my calendars. not really a big deal, or challenging. But it is pretty close to 8 weeks into this. It feels unsustainable at this point. I know it is, and just need to adapt to the new normal maybe. I take comfort in knowing I haven't resorted to short cuts or abbreviated shows, there are distractions like on Tuesday when the desktop acted up (w/no reason) leaving me unable to get to the database or files I needed.

It is fortunate that I can talk, and talk, and talk, and talk. Recalling and keeping all the different systems straight is also wicked easy. transitioning from one to the other. mentally going from driving a tractor trailer to a 911 to a 7series to a F350 with a dualy trailer to a fiesta back to a semi truck. that keeps it fresh but there's the occasional mis-shift, forgetting to double clutch or trying to double clutch an automatic. Stalling out the gasser after driving a high torque diesel. Minor embarrassments.

No wonder I'm longing so much for a break. A palate cleanser. Something. It is okay, I can actually sit back and say, "I'm good at this, people do notice and it doesn't go w/o tangible rewards." Just sometimes i want to sit back and watch the clocks just tick away. See all the work I've put into it pay back. Watch the movements move flawlessly due in most part to my skills that I've worked hard to master, worked hard to perfect. So the skill is in talking non-stop, reading the audience and putting on a show that keeps these clocks moving...

Maybe this moment can best be described as sitting back and hearing the clocks tick, nothing is needing any adjustment, no winding or tweaking. I can sit and get lost in the sounds and let my mind wander a bit. Let my mind prepare for the next round. Even if that round is hopping on the bike, heading home and turning into the personal chef for the household.

I think I've been listening to the new Pandora station I've created too much.

And my vague allusion regarding rolling the boulder in the last post even confused my wife... this is the abstract black box of words... they just come out, i don't have to worry about reading the feedback after each sentence and crafting the next one after the first one based on the audience. I take the shackles off and am curious to where the words take me. Let the brain free. Sometimes it isn't pretty. Sometimes it is flat out ridiculous or absolutely confusing, rarely something worthwhile comes out. But it is refreshing a bit, energizing, like a nice hot cup of coffee in a cafe after riding 4+ hours outside in the cold. Suddenly you feel like you could do another 4+ hours. At least until you get back on the bike to ride home, and realize, yeah, I need to put my legs up and rest, no way can I just repeat what I just did w/o some recovery and food.

I should stop adding metaphor upon metaphor esp since they probably don't make a fucking lick of sense...

heddwch
G

oh and i did very nearly make it through yesterday w/o searching for or finding and posting something about those beloved Paczki. Our friend Solobreak was kind enough to email me this link yesterday. Good thing that place is so far away from here... Also got word from my friend in Mt P that the bakery we'd always head over to and eat a ton of them from went out of business two weeks ago. The weekly staff meeting would head over there, we'd get donuts and a cup of coffee and talk for a bit, it closed. Very sad, no FedEx box from the Morningstar Bakery for me. Should have done that last year when I had a chance even though i didn't think of that as a possibility until a bit too late or didn't remember that I HAD thought of that as a possibility the years before... anyway. Mushy brain is taking over. Coherence level is getting worse and worse, as is my finger typing errors.... click click BOOM