Providence Cyclocross... man what a weekend

You know what they say, sleep is important two nights before, the night before not so much but if you're racing two days you need an awesome night sleep Thursday AND Friday night.  Thursday is for Saturday, Friday is for Sunday.

Well Friday fucked me up.  At least if you believe that crap.


Builder's ball was rough. Due to some miss-communication a few prints were left in a less than pristine conditions, $60 toast.  Sure the front side is fine but the value of the backside not so good.  Adding to that the stress and wear of talking over an EXCESSIVELY LOUD dj speaker right by my table of images kind of destroyed me a bit. But hey. Thursday night I actually got some good sleep.

Saturday played out beautifully.  Other than being hotter than ideal I managed to race a freaking solid awesome race.  Except that with the juniors started 2 min in front of us it meant they had a head start on lapping me.  Damn kid caught me just before finishing straight and well...  I got robbed of another lap, but still managed to beat Fatmarc and SkinnyCraig.  A feat I may never repeat as long as we are all racing together.  I was stoked with the ride.  But sooooooo frustrated and deflated and destroyed by the fact that someone else's race cut mine short.  Since I don't promote shit, don't sell shit, don't give a shit.  I think starting the kids 2 min in front of us is fucking STUPID.  Stage like they did in VT, or start them behind us.  Not in front. I have no problem lately staying on the lead lap in our race, no problem even on an off day (today - sunday) but give the leader 2 min head start and my day is fucked.

Not fun actually.  It sucks.

But whatever. I'm not the promoter, I can't make those calls, I can only be a dick on the internet, and if you complain enough everyone stops listening to you.  So I'm sure my credibility has long been destroyed.  No one fucking listens to GeWilli anymore.

Not that they should. I certainly don't ever take my advice... Much better at stepping back and critically analyzing shit and giving someone else advice than myself.  Kind of sort of that's how it works though usually.

Raced, watched, talked, had fun, saw people, didn't see people, chilled, shouted, cheered, heckled....  I did my thing in the orange suit.  It was fun.  I got over getting robbed of a final lap duel with Fatmarc.

Made it home, started making dinner, ate a pile of food, made salad dressing, ate salad...  eventually went to sleep. Not too late, and boom I slept well. So I should be raring to race on Monday now.

Got up, coffee, food, more or less a repeat of Saturday morning.  No problem. Closethedoor needs cash.  Hit ATM. he gets out. I turn car around, totally forget I have bikes on the roof, drive INTO the building.  Fortunately it was a gradual incline into the roof and I only managed to destroy two saddles, quick work with the brake pedal and a 4 + 5 mm hex wrench and we had enough clearance to make it out.

THEN.

THEN, I'm thinking fine, i have more saddles, I'll swing home, grab seat post out of the Klein QP road bike.

Pull out of the lot, hit the brakes, pedal goes to the floor.  Oh SHIT, that isn't good.

Maybe a fluke, okay.

Next time I try to slow down, samething. fuck something broke.

Rear brake line was corroded it finally burst.

OKAY. I very nearly destroyed two bikes, only cost myself two Concor saddles, and now my car is undriveable.

So, well we transferred everything to the minivan, dropped my wife off at work at the Museum, and headed to the course. Got a prime parking spot. Super style master Kyle Smith parked next to us. Total Baller spot.

But i still had a saddle that was peeling back, my back is destroyed, but just the lower part, can't lift anything.

Hey the day has gone great.  Right? No. GeWilli overthinks everything.  Suddenly Monday, a day off, so looking forward to having a day i don't have to do ANYTHING becomes a repeat of last week.  Fixing the car so i can go bike racing.

Hangs heavy over my head.

Also it seems to be warmer than forecast, and dry. And after a pre-ride the course is nice but the things i was doing well on, yeah not so good.  Less rest, more pedal. Aka SUCKITUDE!

And while a normal person would be elated that they drove their bikes into a building and only fucked up two saddles, had a car problem AT THE HOUSE (again) WITH a brilliant and totally seamless plan B. Some how it rattled me. A lot.

Started the race. I played a bit aggressively at the start, wound up on some good wheels, was driving the bike REALLY WELL. Surprisingly well. Like i know what i'm doing or something.  Turns were no problem.

After two laps, i just had nothing for the power sections. Yesterday (sat) i was using both rings quite a bit but always making it to the big for the power, speed stuff.  Today, i found myself not shifting back to the big ring. I was going slowly.  and slower and slower and slower.  Nothing i could do. Also the field was lighter, (and me being slower) meant that after two laps when I just couldn't do it anymore.  I was alone.  GeWilli doesn't race alone very well.  Doesn't work.  I appreciate the cheering and stuff, but nothing was going to motivate me, not a promise of sex, money, drugs, booze, whatever was going to work to get me to pedal harder.  I couldn't.

Just couldn't.  It was weird, strange and very sucky and extremely depressing.

Yes. I had a great race on Saturday despite the heat.  One of my best races of the year/recent memory.  Was great. Today, on Sunday? I had one of my worse. Could be the consistent foul mood, the black cloud of late I can't shake. I'm trying, actively working on it, but aware, intelligent, knowledgeable, over-thinkers are pretty fucking tough to crack and figure out.  Going to take time.  And every little bump in the road is hugely unsettling.

I'll get through, and yes my problems are trivial compared to many, but my problems are still mine, comparing them to others doesn't remove them...  I just have to get through.

And I will.

And there were moments today that I felt awesome on the bike.  Yesterday's race was fantastic.

If everything went perfectly this morning I probably still would have had a terrible race, so many if ands and buts...

I'll figure it all out. Some day. Hopefully soon.  Those who said pedal Hahdah, thanks, those who said pedal faster, or you look good, or something else - it made it worse today. Horrible.  I will say it was pretty cool having Derdowski give me placing info during the race on Saturday, was motivating. But I was also driving and riding through people the whole race.  Sunday, today? I was being ridden through despite being able to corner and ride sections better and smoother than the guys powering through me.

Someday I'll figure it out.  But what do you expect from some overly emotional, addictive, empathetic overt-thinking loud mouth like me. Shit's bound to stay fucked up for a long time.  Sometimes i wonder if I should have stayed in michigan, gotten huge and fat, never touched a bike again...  being honest is dumb for public figures, but if you read this, well i have to and can't but consider you a friend.

I have friends, and they are all awesome.  Even the ones that push my buttons and piss me off. I appreciate them. Thanks.

Roasting a chicken tonight, popped some beets (golden and red), with some carrots and onions and salt in with the bird in the oven.  Rice is ready to go.  Beets were crunch at the last check. Chicken might be slightly over cooked but you know what? It is a good bird, cooked most of the time on the breast. It will still be mighty tasty.  And my girls keep coming downstairs saying they are DYING because IT SMELLS SOOO GOOOOOOOD!!!!

Now, if I can only get them to unload the dishwasher and wash the pots and pans we'll be making progress.

heddwch
G