exhale

as in finally...

I'm not complaining, that is a preemptive comment, I am not, you might read it as such but I'm not, and won't even dare complain.  But I may vent, I might explain, I might lay a few things out there.  My writing sucks and I'm really really shitty at communicating exactly what I'm trying to say.  Maybe only Solobreak gets it if he even fucking bother's to read this shit anymore.


Yeah. Start off with swearing and self deprecation.  Brilliant dude.  Way to keep the confidence in the gutter.

I guess being able to talk to myself is not so much a gift as a curse.

A week ago my wife took off for a long trip...  the kids had potentially one of the most important and new schedules of the year. New, in that first weekend of soccer, important in a few huge events with long term implications that mean a lot to them, and their future.

I was in freefall leading into the departure.  The bike path was totally and finally rideable on slicks on Monday when I drove in.  Finally.

The week was insane though. So much leading up to it all.  I invest myself emotionally in probably too much. Work isn't much different.  Shit's going down.  Could be really fucking cool in the end but I'm carrying a ton of weight.  Last week was something big.  It carried into yesterday.  Flew down to IAD for a demo at a lab site.  Cheaper for them to fly a few down and back than to bring a pile of equipment spend a few days setting up and taking down with not assurance of success.

So i've just spend the last two days on full sponge mode.  My brain hurts.  My back, which normally sorts itself out in 4-5 days, is still fucked a week later.  It is not fixing itself.  I'm not sleeping because I can't sleep comfortably, because of the back and since I'm not sleeping well my stupid body isn't doing the whole fix itself thing.

Yeah, shut up GeWilli.  Could be worse. I KNOW.  Remember the first part? Just laying it out.  Scientists can come off sounding not as they want.  Point: explain it, describe causation, suggest next course of action...

not sure what to do.

Normally i'd call the doc and see if there was time to fix.  Between travel, demos on site and in house, lectures, driving kids around, i've been going absolutely non-stop for 8 days.

Until 5:35pm today.

At that point I was first able to exhale.

I may have stopped vibrating from sitting in the back of the plane on the way from IAD to PVD.  FUCKING BUMPY AIR UP THERE TODAY. OMG.  That sucked.  The flight attendant was wicked cute though.  Very happy, short (EMB 145 tend to have short crew members) and potentially slavic/russian (based on the accent).  So there was that, but I was in the back, falling asleep, only waking up when the pain shot down my spine, as my head rocked forward, as the plane was riding the bumpy air.
Feels like am being stabbed in the back sometimes.  I'm not asking for advice, I have a good doc, just need to make time to get there.

The flight down was luxurious, up front (row 7) in a Canadair RJ 100 (i think - looks right)...  LOADS of leg room, quiet. Pretty styling.  Of course the two sales guys who were flying with us were up in First Class.

The flight back?  That sucked balls.  But at least it went on time and from and to it was supposed to unlike or colleagues who flew back the same day.  Flight back was on an EMB RJ145.  I was in 17 (it only went to 19).  Instead of having plenty of room, that next seat was in my lap, and the engine noise was LOUD, like can't think loud.  Probably not intentional but funny how it worked out.

We were on form all day Monday though, demo and new equipment info started loading up the day before we flew down. But I made it back.

Finally.

Home.

Two parents. E is still super tired from her week, but we're back to two.  An equitable balance? Probably not.  But any weight off my side of the scale is good. Meantime i'm afraid of getting on the scale.  At least i don't have a way to measure power or speed on the bike. I should put the HRM/speedo back on the bike.  At some point.

I do feel a bit bloated around the middle.  This is all nothing a good long day in the saddle can't cure.  Mental Health day needed badly.  Not on tap for many weeks.

Rambling?

yeah fuckoff, not sure who really reads this shit anymore, if anyone does. Unless it is a FB or G+ post no one gives you an indication it gets read.  Aka now i feel like turning the comments off so y'all don't post stupid 'i read it' comments.
The damn holding the words back has been pretty hooverish.  Big, not going to collapse.  Anyway.

This trip was sort of the end, the book mark to insanity.

the final page.

except it isn't.

more insanity is coming

lots more

a bunch of jackass douchebags colluded with my wife and are kidnapping me in a big diesel truck and hauling my orange suited flabbiness to Worlds in Loo'vull.

going to be pretty insane...

I've pulled back from social media....  even G+ this last week it seems.  Not sure it is a bad thing.

web logging...

shit haven't even done that

so much to talk about

at least my timing to be REALLY totally COMPLETELY out of the loop and 100% burried in learning about potential new equipment was a good thing.  Seems that fuckwad evil exploitive incarnate behind Liestrong has been gaining some press.  He can't stand to be out of the public eye can he.  whatever

JPage won CX nats, but then the French are being absolute morons and not sending Julie or Caroline to worlds.  Seriously, have they not seen how hot either of them are? Not to mention how popular they are with all the old masters? Those creepers would turn a hard pack course into a muddy swamp with drool if the two of them were racing.

So cool Page won.

From here? Who knows.

I have to figure out the next few months.  I need to ride.  Not for any training goals, no, for other goals, other reasons.

but now

too many fucking words

the bike path is covered in 1-2" of slush.

it is supposed to freeze tonight

people have been walking and riding on it.

gonna be a lumpy challenging slow ride tomorrow i expect.

might be too much to ask that the temp stays above freezing...

of course it won't right now it is tormenting me...  33.5...  i expect it to freeze, i'm sure the people who get paid to predict that shit are probably going to say the same thing

kind of strange, what the fuck do i do now? besides the pile of shit i need to work on to catch up from the week?  really all i want to do is...  nothing... at least there is only one beer in the house.  Keeps things civil.

Civil and boring.

not sure we're going to be able to say the same thing about Worlds...  and that's probably a good thing

f'it i'm done squeezing the rind for juice

g