unrelatable

"Dude there's no way it could be that bad for you, you're so tall! It sucked being short!"

yeah here's the thing. If you weren't there, telling me it couldn't have been that bad makes it worse. It increases the frustration and triggers all the pain because while it may not have been worse, it likely was just as bad and having it completely dismissed, discounted and being told it couldn't have been bad for you is pretty cruel.

instead of saying have you been stuffed in a trash can/locker/hung on coat rack? Maybe "hey it wasn't easy for any of us, and leave it at that." Cocksizing about being bullied is/feels like bullying. There are lots of ways to de-escalate but it takes practice and some people just can't do it. I get that. Some people don't want to. Most people just don't care. I probably am just as guilty as everyone else but recognizing how it makes me feel and hopefully being able to catch myself most of the time is all I can hope for. I know in face to face interactions I've gotten much better about it. Internet maybe just is still too rooted in the past.  And bikes that fit? Few and very far between. Say lets talk about road bikes specifically from the Trek brand...  how many do they have that would fit and not leave me feeling like I'm riding a chopper? Meaning how many H1 fit bikes are there in my size? Well, there's the Emonda SLR and the Madone RSL. Or project 1 which winds up just being a more customizable but barely less expensive option than an RSL. Makes a Firefly look affordable. Not that any of it matters but it was one element of push back that I got "there are plenty of off the shelf bikes for you" yeah not really. But it is too complicated to explain i suppose.

"Why can't you just live totally in the present?"

Because part of who I am is anchored like a tree through my roots. My weakness and my strength.

Starting the evening having an in depth discussion with one of our users about life and direction and choices and stuff probably set the frame work for extra heavy introspection and all that.  At least I only had a couple beers, you know smackdown today, can't get all my pre-smack calories from beer the night before.

I'm going to get so f'n wet on the ride in today. Ugh. So tempting to drive honestly. But that's not what GeWilli would do. No. He'd ride no matter what.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RODE [your bike] IN THIS WEATHER"

Absolutely pouring right now. And I haven't left yet. Catching up on emails, eating breakfast, E & K are on late schedule it seems, and i've been tired lately. More rested today even after a moderately interrupted sleep but it wasn't terrible. Feel better than usual. Which I'm sure will translate into shit legs tonight as is often the case.

Gonna go with the new 28s though, not the heavy almost continuously blue striped pluses. Gotta switch those wheels over before I leave. But first food. Maybe I can drag my feet enough to miss most of the rain.
NVM, just checked radar...  gonna be wet no matter what.

resigned ... and grumpy ... resolved to keep going, one foot in front of the other, do my best at interacting in person...  help people as much as I can, as I can, do what I can w/in my means.

And I need to ride more. July kind of sucked again. 833 total miles!?!?!?  WTF That's it? August...  maybe we'll make it different. Starting next week. Got a car to fix tomorrow, maybe I'll go for a quick single track spin in the morning, maybe even throw knobs on the garbage truck. At least I haven't missed a day on the bike since April. So that's a solid streak. And today if Smackdown rolls out as planned I'll crack the 5,000 mile mark for total mileage in 2016. Maybe I can hit 6k by September. Seems like a reasonable goal to me.

Still unsure about the CX race calendar. haven't even sat down to look at it yet.

And yes, totally procrastinating. First session for me at work isn't until 11am, and yeah...  totally not keen on heading out in the downpour at the moment. Oh well. It is what it is.

Moving forward, one foot in front of the other.
heddwch
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