Books bikes and life

Freaking being sucked along, bobbing like a barrel...  can't tell if it is just normal rapids like a river, or Niagra Falls, or the middle of a hurricane.

Pretty much totally out of control, but somehow still afloat and making due.

The trip to seattle with my dad was interesting. Too hard to put into words really what I experienced but maybe at some point? Or better in person but the reality is I need to get down my interpretation of events and figure this out, writing seems to be the best way to do it but, i've told the story enough since returning that I have it pretty well sorted out.



Took time off - and fell a few miles short of riding more in March than Feb this year. Last year I got 167 miles total for March. TOTAL.  Close to 500 miles for March and Feb. Big changes. Got in some pseudo intervals on Sunday, took it easy monday Smackdown Tuesday, I was physically destroyed on Wednesday, I've been up since 4:30am today, trying to get dinner going having the whole day plan disrupted but never a quiet moment.

Came home and finished another book. It was good, I could lie down in bed and read, book was engaging enough to keep me awake, the storyline good. It was worth the handful of moments stolen while eating food, or waiting for sleep to come. 

It was a book I'd checked out a couple weeks ago, started in a lull before I left for the trip but brain was too fried to read, could listen and I did to Jeff Vandemeer's Bourne. Damn that was a solid book. Crazy and good and now visions of his visions are tagged with hearing the book in places I've been. When recovering from the trip, I devoured Yoon Ha Lee's Dragon Pearl. While somewhat young sci fi target it was a beautiful story and a completely engrossing read. Sure I could have been writing instead of reading but I needed to take in for a bit, putting too much out limited my desire and ability to sit down and write.

So this book, I had started reading it a while ago, but noticed Scalzi mentioning the passing of Vonda McIntyre on the 1st of this month. I was just into the first chapter of Superluminals. Picked it back up and immediately was sucked back in. It was a quick read, but a really really good one.

On to what next? I still have two books checked out from just before the trip, I might read them or now that it is solo dad time, perhaps I'll finish watching Season 3 of the Expanse. have to decide if I want to wait the weeks and weeks for Tiamat's Wrath to become available from the Library, or go buy a hard copy and read that.

But just now taking a break from writing to start making dinner, it is just me and the kid, yeah that's part of the disruption in the day. I was cooking and suddenly felt a pang of loneliness and really wanted a big drink, a really strong vodka soda, to relax and not let the aloneness takeover. Not alone but effectively so. Felt similarly while out there in Seattle, a couple more days of that and I'd have gone back to drinking. I'm glad I came home. There's beer in the fridge, but nope, not going there, even if there was vodka in the house i'd still stick with the seltzer. Identifying that feeling was just odd, haven't really had it in a long time.

Probably related to feeling better on the bike. I had a dark moment on Saturday, events of the week, exhaustion, frustration, isolation and depression were a nasty overlap. Made it through, struggled, found some hidden reserve and got out on the bike in the morning on Sunday.

Smackdown was Tuesday. I felt better on it than I have in two years. I dug deep, spent most of the ride alone and chasing, with the re-group I managed to lead a good part of Walker and then didn't get dropped on the last stretch to 152 for a rare change, it was amazing.

Bike is still stupid slow and poorly suited to being a road bike, but it fits well. I wonder if there is an ALR madone coming out soon. That would make a great birthday present I think. I can't even contemplate the cheapest carbon version and I've kind of decided that there's really no point in getting the Emonda, I need an Aero bike. Something like the Madone. I don't need it in the full Project 1 glory...  105 is fine, hydro disc brakes of course. Worrying about gear selection for Michigan with the Crockett. And tires. And wheels. Gotta sort that out soon.

But right now I have to go back to making dinner. It is late. But I'm tired. wrecked. A mental day that took a severe tool, not bad, not emotional but nearly 100% contact including annual performance review, three reps, four big scope issues and a handful of difficult art discussions.

Hopefully maybe I'll have a few more minutes to get the thoughts out of my head over the next few days...  till then..

Heddwch
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