irregular

 of course i went over and got caught up on my reading and there aren't many people still making good content. Stevil is one...

That take about podcasts vs blogs got me - most of his shit does. But man are we two different people but in some ways the same but not at all. does that make sense? 

Superficially there is that orange jumpsuit thing. Someday I really need to chronical mine, it has a different origin story than Stevil's. But the common thread is Vardaros, the beligan transplant via california from new york...  but timing also was my first real season racing CX in NE. but it started way back in Michigan with working on the TDIs...

so it kind of encapsulates everything...  

couple things hanging over my head right now - biggest is something the doc wants blood work info from that isn't concerning but isn't normal...  so of course GeWilli is overthinking it and googling the fuck out of variation and running down symptoms and not finding them and getting more confused...

clearly identifying that I need to hit the reset button HARD. Like never before.

No CX racing means no focus or discipline beyond just being functional. 

Being functional means just drinking more coffee, right? Got that down. 

No Trip to the PacNW for the Yuletide concerts. I've missed them twice. Once in 2006 (file this under tying into the orange jumpsuit and CX) when CX nats were in PVD. Missed the whole trip no visit. Next one was 2009 (Bend CX nats), but that one i flew in and out of Seattle and managed to get back stage for the Bellevue concert. So while not on stage at least I saw everyone and was able to be there. 
While this really isn't the kind of reset needed it is very much a hard core shake up. it messes up time zone and sleep patterns so much that I can't but reset when I return. or at least really dig a deep enough hole that I have to take a couple weeks to recover from.

And usually that recovery seems to happen somewhere where I don't have to do much, can just go be. down in VA at the in laws.

And yup - no reset there either. Damn - hadn't thought that far through it all. 

But I'll try and do the reset at home, try not going to work, try to cut back coffee as much as I can, try to let all the shit go without going crazy at home. 

I have a lot more in my head bouncing around but can't get it out... still haven't been able to pick up a book and read. But this was good to watch this morning:

And Becca's vlogs have been entertaining - you can find them on your own i expect.

Might try and leave early today just because.

Oh FFS. I just checked the weather. This morning - ZERO precipitation for the day NOW THERE IS SNOW AND MIX PREDICTED HAPPENING? 

WHAT
THE
ACUTUAL
FUCK

it is snowing right now...

yeah i rode in to work wearing normal clothes - no cycling kit...

oh well - goes along with the day eh?

Whatever, it'll just make the commute home exciting and I can change into dry clothes. it won't be fore more than 35 min. I can handle that.

hoping to find more regular time to write, maybe even find a book that engages me that I want to read...

Life is pretty strange eh? 

Oh and RI is ranked as worst for the Covid stuff in the world, by some people. Mostly just if you look at the rolling 7 day average of cases per 100k. 

At least it has been cold and shitty on the bike path, people are staying away. And the darkness helps on the way home.

be safe, be well, all that shit,

heddwch

G

unexpected hiatus

 Take this as a sign of how crazy it has been and then how hard I didn't do anything and how i stayed away from a keyboard for most of last week.

Going hard into the paint. Wish I could have confidence in my layup cause, while i have big palms my stubby welsh fingers make it tough to palm the B-ball well enough to dunk. 

been a while, sorry if you have been looking for entertainment or the latest on the saga of GeWilli, adventures of a 'on the specturm' edge case. Wish I had some idea of how to actually act like a functional human most of the time.

Got some great MTB in last week. Might need to add some extra cycling in, somehow. Need most intensity than is found on a 2-4 hr singlespeed MTB ride in Big River. 

I've also completely been unable to get excited to read, or even listen to audiobooks. Started CoryD's For the Win and didn't even make it to the end point of destroying the lives of the key characters, just couldn't. I think I've tapped out on my reading for a while, even listening isn't working anymore. Technically Wrong was great but not sure what to go to next. Watched a few movies. Finally saw Dead Pool and DP2. I guess I get why people are all DP crazy, but not really, it was entertaining for sure. Watched that bond film that came out just after I moved to PVD, haven't seen many movies and, well? It was good but after reading so many damn long books a 2 hour movie just seems shallow and lame and completely undeveloped. Not forcing anything just trying to shuffle along. The girls were watching some Dog reality show with Lindsey Vonn, and I got wondering, why do they have to keep eliminating the teams? Why not give them points and let everyone do everything instead of sending one group home every week/episode? Good thing I'm not a producer of that shit...

I'm delaying the start of the commute to hopefully miss the heavy rain. Downside of missing the heavy rain is that I get to ride into the stupid stiff headwind. On the singlespeed surly with the stupid tall gearing.

Yes, I'm an idiot. Like Thom K is fond of saying, if you're going to be stupid you better be tough. or however it goes... why can't i remember the punch line and word order but can absolutely cinematically visually revisit many moments in my past? 

I know i know, i'm visual, it is my job, works well for wrenching and microscoping and photographing stuff...  not so much for getting the jokes or words right... hence more of an improv success than longwinded memorized lines...

Today has been more of struggle than usual, I think it pivots off of a really bad night of dreams and laying away at 3am thinking about Ashville CX nats and the time between leaving AC's place in Greenville and driving back to VA the morning after the Foam party, esp that morning. And then falling back asleep right into the not good dreams, not nightmares but I have no idea where my brain is coming up with this shit. 

The nice thing is all those flu and cold symptoms I was feeling and that were causing all sorts of covid anxiety bascially went away when I got some rest on Wed and Thursday... And then I went and did 31 miles in big river on the single speed on Friday, worked the whole day in the bike shop on Saturday, then did 21 miles in BR on Sunday, did some grocery shopping and stuff on Sunday. And today I'm just back to being fucking tired. And my legs were tired this morning.

The commute home? raining, 22-30 steady mph headwind gusting to 60. 

At least it isn't cold out.

Maybe I should have pulled out the eBike today...

should probably sell it so I don't debate and then regret not picking it...

ah well...

heddwch

G

busting shit

 Thru-axle this time.

Where to start. Holy crap what a wringer.

This week is making me tired and I'm only just setting it all up. 

I have lots of words to get out of my head.

Broken bike but how smooth and amazing it felt just before the break. Why it broke is pretty clear. 100kg, big wheels, hard tail, new england rocks, not riding slowly.

Was told I am indeed one of the fast ones. No. But yes I guess we are. Def not the fastest but fast enough that no one wants to ride with us. Strange.

Needed the rest actually so not riding was good but wanted to ride. 

Need a new rear thru-axle.

Super tired - Saturday was rough - slept poorly, ah life.

Somewhat recovered but mostly thanks to breaking more shit.

Moving from Strava to Ride with GPS. Begining the transistion. Strava is great, but too social, to judgemental, too, just wrong. Started the soft transition to RwGPS. App was already on the phone, now sending Wahoo rides to both. Started the process to DL all old ride data and import into RwGPS. Totally blaming ThomK. 

Technically Wrong is partially responsible for the wanting to switch. Intially thought 2021, but now thinking why wait... already turned notifications off on strava, there are people I only connect with there but i can let people know where I am, life's a two way street, i'm just moving a few blocks away, if that was too much, well, so be it.

Feels like i've been at my desk writing for the whole day.

And I have been. a couple help sessions a few zoom meetings and everything else just email flurries (i haven't looked at my email since the last phone call and I am afraid to look).

and damn i had a pile other stuff to add...

poof 

brain is vacant and tired...

gonna be a long week...

wear your mask...

6 feet isn't far enough...

time for Susi (the finnish word)

heddwch
g

up and down

 just today

got a note from Singmaster - we drove out to Eco-cross one year and he had a CD of Girltalk we listened to on the drive - it blew me away. So good. I cued it up. SO GOOD.

Was just dancing and pumped after watching a scary bit on how complicated and how the details of the SarsCOV2 make it so difficult to contain and how it is so infectious and all that. It is really cool. Scary but cool. https://www.cell.com/cell/fulltext/S0092-8674(20)31159-4?rss=yes and https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/health/coronavirus-unveiled.html

This morning i saw a post on IG and was "gotta share that with KF, he'd love it"  ... then thought i should just toss it in the blog - give him the option to click or not.

View this post on Instagram

For awhile this morning as we pedaled along I was trying to explain to Nella and Jared how vivid my rides have felt to me lately, over the past couple weeks or maybe a little more: the leaves, for sure, but also the rich autumnal smells, and a kind of bountiful stillness that comes upon the roads toward evening, and the low-slanting sunlight putting its dapple onto everything, but also my connection with my bike — for minutes at a time every pedal stroke overtly feels playful, gear shifts are part of some conversation between my heart and the world of the road, my hands lie on and over and across the bar and the hoods like the casual intimacies of those long in love, more. So much more. . Then I got a flat. I told the group to go on, and I stopped, and something was also wonky with the wheel so I got everything to good-enough and turned and rode home alone, nursing the fix, and I’d scraped a knuckle and was bleeding a little, and I was as happy as I’ve ever been on a bike because that’s the way it is lately, the way it gets for us sometimes, some strange and wondrous reward we receive in return for all that we give. . . . #bikeisthewayoflife #bicycling #bicycle #pathride #dandltrail #morningride #dawnpatrol #savetheroadbike #curlybars #eastonpa #keepeastonwheeled . 📷 by @adamatkinson

A post shared by Bill Strickland (@truebs) on Nov 11, 2020 at 11:53am PST

and then later today saw that Leica has a new Monochrome camera the Q2

here's a lucky photog with one.

I posted on twitter, is it okay to dream? Yes, 5 grand for a quick fixed lens automatic camera is pretty crazy, esp one that *gasp* doesn't take color photos.
Paul went in and kind of kicked my Stoke in the nuts. 

It was seriously dejecting. Sure it is crazy money and yeah you need to have a level of disposable income or a career use for it to justify or even afford it. neither of which i'm ever able to attain. 

But then, think about it...  $5k is a lot. But is it really? How much do bikes cost now? How many people do I know riding around on $5k+ bikes? How many Firefly bikes or Chapman or fill in the blank bikes are coming in under that mark. Anyway. How many people go for the next model up car? How many go for the Accord instead of the Civic? SO MANY people. the extra $5k or however many grand. 

I was in a good mood. 

I'm kind of not right now.

But it is november and I have commuted to work the last two days with bare arms and legs. Summer kit. Even in the rain. 

It is also relentless here in the basement. Not mindbending 4 hours of non-stop intensity but constant fleeting bits here and there and again and again, death by 1000 razor blades. Sorry, life with instead of death. Not dead. Very conducive to twitter for those paying attention over there. 

Oh and read this - it will make you miss CX. or understand it a little maybe if you've never.

Well. I dunno, would love to recapture this morning's stoke. But like opening a jar of souls, they got the fuck out of there and ain't gonna be put back in - gone...

leave ya with these images from this morning in the fog

heddwch

G

The big exhale...

 It hit on saturday... the realization of how much we all were (I was) carrying. Huge release. 

Don't get me wrong shit is still poised to go sideways and the "center" aka people who hate the democrats and kind of are okay with the insanely radical republicans but still afraid of anything not themselves or worse still are being stupid, not as stupid as the radicalized gop but hey. Life goes on eh? 

Got through this part - now we just need to get through the rest of this month, december and most of january? and then what?

Covid is about ready to get REALLY bad here in the country, and who knows what else. 

Bike riding on sunday was awesome.

I spent too much money on a new device to tell me where i've been and how to get there. I even splurged for the wheel sensor and on the first big ride didn't make sure it was paired up and connected, or calibrated and all that. Oops. 

Changed brands and now all the old mounts don't work. Fun. And the tether is proprietary. Getting used to buttons only is good/different. Liking it so far. App is weird - need to actively connect, but i guess that's not bad, just an extra step if i don't want the app running in the background all the time.

Going to try and leave before pitch black out there. 

Also trying to figure out what to make for dinner, feeling mentally better, but still uninspired and tired. However I have successfully cut way back on coffee intake the last few days and rested and chilled more than normal and it has helped. 

Today didn't feel as productive as it was so that's good. 

but now there's a bike ride followed by a bunch of work and if i don't stop writing and thinking (and looking at other stuff and thinking and being distracted) it'll be 5:15 and pitch dark and I'll still be here.

Light bracket remedied. BUT DAMNIT - i need to leave now, didn't charge the headlight.

later y'all

heddwch

G

not fun not fun

 Hitting the wall. 

So tired that coffee isn't doing anything.

Wiped out and bleary eyed.

Been working non-fucking stop since I hit publish earlier this morning and maybe that's part of it. But I'm sitting here thinking a coffee would be good, move around and feel, yeah no - that's not going to help.

Any more coffee and I'll start hearing colors and seeing sounds.

Just documenting it. I wonder when the last time was I felt like this - August? or did it happen in September. Can't remember if this happens ever couple months or more frequently. Maybe it is just time change.

Enough variables that i can get all conspiratorial theory on this. Simple logic is that for a huge massive pile of reasons I'm tired. Gonna take a new special class of drugs I don't have or want access to or sleep.

Maybe eating a salad will help. I grazed on the rest of lunch from earlier until the 1pm meeting. 

found a reset

 Yeah this whole thing is nuts. If that one guy gets more electoral votes then that is good, but it still means half this country are racist shitbags that want to kill people w/o consequence. Sure there are people who would object to that absolutely polarizing statement but they are probably selfish thugs or totally unaware of their racists white privilege. even if they aren't white. 

ok - got that out of my head. 

Bridge the gap, fix what's broken. I got in trouble for lamenting the fact that the Sars-COV2 stuff is only now just hitting all the "red" states, now that the healthcare system has figured out how to better manage the disease and how to reduce mortality. There are a chaotic number of variables involved but I feel there is enough truth to that statement to let it stand. And yeah no, i shouldn't wish ill on people to stupid to wear a mask or believe that not wearing a mask during the pandemic is their right and that they'll be fine and that no matter what anyone says it is still just a hoax and that friend or family member that got sick or died from it really actually succumbed to something else.  Bill Burr's thing there - not smart enough to wear a mask? Then you deserve what you bring to your family.

Sounds kind of harsh no? I guess I'm getting old and tired of being hopeful. 

So anyway this reset?
last night I just haven't been feeling any of the shows and i'm kind of getting tired of space opera and uncomfortable situations that eventually resolve themselves in the story. And I haven't found something I want to actually read in a while either. Movies? Not finding anything their either that I want to invest the time in sitting and looking at.

And yeah here's an admission, we have prime, and so I went there on the tablet, and searched Mountain biking.

And watched the first two hits back to back. 

And it was awesome. The second film was annoying but the footage easily made up for it. Now these might have been on rotation back in free movie days in the pandemic. I think I missed the screening of the second one then. And I def didn't see the first one.

But watching them sort of re-aligned the brain. And yesterday I think maybe it hit me that I am actually missing Cyclocross. The friends, the racing, the driving, the cider donuts at Bolton Orchards. The preparation the half assed thinking about maybe training, or at least attempting to start to make a plan to do some training. 

But bike yo? BIKES. 

So the films:
https://www.specialized.com/us/en/motive 

(redbull link)

and

https://anthillfilms.com/blog/2019/07/16/return-to-earth-watch-for-free 

(redbull link)

Sure it was a little bit of time to spend not moving, but after a day of doing nothing but that, not moving felt needed. And then the best part is I actually was able to sleep well and while i woke up too early and am still tired from the last week of shitty sleep, it was more of a fall asleep than a lay in bed till my system crashed and sleep.

Funny tho, how watching some crazy MTB shit kind of pulled the reset. Now I want to ride. More than just to work. In the woods. Out west or something. Or somewhere new maybe. 

But the reset was good. And now I'm ignoring extra stuff and writing about it. But getting this out of my head will let me focus more productively on the next task. 

yeah i made the first part less visible not that it helps but that level of harsh makes me feel a bit uncomfortable with it out there.

tunes cranking time to make the pancakes

heddwch

G

keep on keeping on

 I worked to avoid all the crazy bits and media coverage and guessing and estimating yesterday.

Some success. E was constantly refreshing watching and then one last phone check in bed that triggered my nerves a bit and a comment "I'm worried about the Country" fuuuuck - so that sent me over the edge a bit, bad dreams, restless sleep. Inconclusive wake up unfortunately. Haven't looked, am just working through and going forward and doing what I always do.

One foot in front of the other, do what I can do locally.

I feel like Paul during the TdF (normal not pandemic) when people come into the shop and want to talk about the live results, he usually gets people to shut up and respect the suspense he will get from watching it tape delayed when he gets home. And no, in the shop with Paul we don't watch it live on the TV. And yes, we respected his wish to avoid spoilers. I feel like Paul a little with this. And I have also mentally adjusted to calling this just looking at the results, not talking about who won. No one has won, esp with it being close. Close means far too many people are solid full on Fascist supporting people okay with evil and corruption and grifting. 

There's a full day here, yesterday was a full day, different day though. And then it was a long LONG drive in the car home. 1:38 expected drive time turned into 2 hours. It is 50 min without traffic as a frame of reference. Van didn't overheat and I got a chance to talk with Uncle Tom in Michigan. Send him some good healing vibes if ya feel like it. Recovering from non-elective surgery is never fun.

Avoidance isn't a great solution btw. I generally as a rule don't do well with the unknown. Part of the spectrum of how my brain is wired. My brain wants to fill the void. But in this situation avoiding the crazy seems to be helping a little. Enough information is leaking past the filter. I've checked twitter a few times Instagram, and looked at FB notifications. But limiting my scrolling and keeping busy.  Doesn't change the mood, the ominous weight, the implications for this country and for my children. 

It is a struggle for me, for so many and yes, I recognize my privilege to be able to be worried about it but not as impacted as others are, but I'm still struggling, many different levels... 

heddwch

G

(there - i wrote a blog post w/o mentioning singlespeeding, mountain biking or being sober)

INTERNATIONAL SINGLESPEED DAY

 YES SOMETHING POSITIVE.

It is a good hashtag for today. Happy Birthday to Paul components Paul. I was in Michigan but his rear Der made an impact and that hub was what we all coveted. 

and here is a bit to go on 

THanks STEVIL! and hey click over here too duh: https://theradavist.com/2020/11/from-henceforth-november-2nd-shall-be-international-singlespeed-day/

I posted over on the instagrams about it..

Gonna go play with a new to the family singlespeed with a legacy up in Boston tomorrow, should be good distraction Maybe go eat some food, go for a singlespeed ride.

I'd write up sunday but it was sunday - we had snow friday, i worked the shop saturday, rode bike and did grocery shopping sunday. yeah rode in the dirt. on a singlespeed MTB. and it was just as awesome as it always is.

Trying to do the work for the class i'm taking, finished up tomorrow's assignments just now so i don't have to try and get them done. 

Held about a 1/4 of an empty beer in my hands, nice and cold, as I was making chili (cooking ingredient yo) and half thought it sounded refreshing but ultimately disgusted myself and dumped the rest in the chili. 

Sure might be one of the few sober singlespeeders, but I think by rights I drank more in my 40+ years than most people will in their lifetime and I'm totally fine with that. The not drinking part. Just like the singlespeeding, I don't do it for anyone else but me.

Another idea, singlespeeding is kind of like taking the best parts of running and cycling and mixing them together. Sort of. Not really but maybe kinda?

NOW i'm gonna add something long and something pulled from a different site that pulled it from one of the greatest MTB magazines of all time. Fuck why'd we have to lose BOTH Dirt Rag and BIKE? 
Oh well adding them to the weblog here is fine maybe...  

one of these days i'll stop talking about singlespeeding, but honestly it is mostly just here and i'm mostly really juts talking to myself working things out in my head and capturing moments. And misspelling the hell out of shit - i think it is late and my fingers are't working as well as they shouldbe.

heddwch

G

--block quote and all that:

The Tao of Singlespeeding

By Corvus Corvax

1

The ride that can be finished is not the perfect ride.

The frame that can be broken is not the perfect frame.

The ride is the beginning of sky and dirt.

The singlespeed is the mother of the ten thousand gears.

Ever desireless, one can see the trail.

Ever desiring, one can see the bike.

The two spring from the same source, but differ in name;

this appears as riding.

The gate to all mystery.

2

Sky and dirt are ruthless;

They see the ten thousand gears as useless.

The wise are ruthless;

They see the riders as fools.

The space between sky and dirt is like a tire.

The shape changes but not the form;

The more it moves, the more it yields.

More gears count less.

Hold fast to the trail.

3

Sky and dirt last forever.

Why do sky and dirt last forever?

They are unborn,

So ever living.

The singlespeeder is behind on the downhill, and ahead on the climb.

He is unencumbered, thus at one with all.

Through flow, he attains fulfillment.

4

Better stop short than fill to the brim.

Make the bike too light, and the handling will suffer.

Adorn your frame with XTR, and no lock can protect it.

Claim medals and podiums, and drug tests will follow.

Drink beer when the ride is done.

This is the way of singlespeeding.

5

Thirty-two spokes share the wheel's hub;

It is the center hole that makes it useful.

Shape latex into a tube;

It is the space within that makes it useful.

Drill eyelets in a rim;

It is the holes which make it useful.

Therefore profit comes from what is there;

Usefulness comes from what is not there.

6

Accept difficulty willingly.

Accept pain as the human condition.

What do you mean by "Accept difficulty willingly"?

Accept being unimportant.

Do not be concerned with your heart rate.

This is called "accepting difficulty willingly."

What do you mean by "Accept pain as the human condition"?

Pain comes from having a body.

Without a body, how could there be pain?

Surrender yourself humbly; then you can be trusted to ride any trail.

Love your bike as your own self; then you can truly ride anywhere.

7

The masters are subtle, mysterious, profound, responsive.

The skill of their riding is unfathomable.

Because it is unfathomable,

All we can do is describe their appearance.

Delicate, like riders crossing a winter stream.

Alert, as if on tight singletrack.

Balanced, as if negotiating a switchback.

Focused, as if on a long climb.

Yielding, like fine steel.

Simple, like track hubs.

Smooth, like machined bearings.

Who can wait quietly for the ride to begin?

Who can remain still until the moment of action?

Followers of singlespeeding do not seek advantage.

Not seeking advantage, they are not swayed by a desire for change.

8

Do you think you can take my bike and improve it?

I do not believe it can be done.

My singlespeed is sacred.

You cannot improve it.

If you try to change it, you will lose it.

If you add a suspension fork, you will ruin it.

So sometimes I am ahead and sometimes I am behind;

Sometimes breathing is hard, sometimes it comes easily;

Sometimes there is strength and sometimes weakness;

Sometimes the trail goes up and sometimes down.

Therefore the singlespeeder avoids extremes, complacency, and heavy traffic on climbs.

9

Give up gears, and put an end to your troubles.

Is there a difference between the granny and the big ring?

Is there a difference between uphill and downhill?

Must I ride what others ride? What nonsense!

Other people are contented, enjoying their full suspension.

In spring some go to the trails and descend the mountain.

But I alone am riding, not knowing where I am.

Like a newborn babe before it learns to smile,

I am alone, without a place to go.

Everyone else is busy,

But I alone am aimless and wandering.

I am different.

I am nourished by the trail.

10

To ride one gear is natural.

Sprints do not last all morning,

Descents do not last all day.

The follower of singlespeeding

is at one with his bike.

He who rides smoothly

Experiences flow.

He who loses the trail

Becomes confused.

When you are at one with your bike,

The trail welcomes you.

When you conserve your momentum,

The flow is always there.

When you are at one with pain,

The pain is experienced willingly.

He who does not get out of the saddle

Will not make it to the top of the hill.

11

He who has his weight forward is not steady.

He who sprints cannot maintain the pace.

He who makes a show is not enlightened.

He who is self-righteous is not respected.

He who boasts achieves nothing.

He who brags will not endure.

According to the followers of singlespeeding,

"These are extra gears and unnecessary weight,"

They do not bring happiness.

Therefore followers of singlespeeding avoid them.

12

Spinning is the motion of the singlespeed.

Flow is the way of the singlespeed.

The ten thousand gears are born of singlespeeding.

Singlespeeding is born of not riding.

13

The wise rider hears of singlespeeding and practices it diligently.

The average rider hears of singlespeeding and thinks of it now and again.

The foolish rider hears of singlespeeding and laughs aloud.

If there were no laughter, singlespeeding would not be what it is.

Hence it is said:

The smooth trail seems rough.

Going forward seems like retreat.

The easy climb seems hard.

Singlespeeding is quiet and without artifice.

One gear alone nourishes and brings the ride to completion.

---------

Adapted by Corvus Corvax from The Tao Te Ching, translation by Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English, Random House, Inc., New York (1972), with apologies to Lao Tsu.

© 2002 Dirt Rag Magazine

what is really driving it all

Is it pure capitalism, lock them down to kill the competition to aggregate the wealth, no it is purely to protect the people, but the people are still dying it can't be for that, look the lock downs don't work...

Chaos theory. Too complex for anyone to get a handle on. Why? Same reason why evolution is pretty close possible to model. Way too many variables, far too may. And in many cases lots of the policies are well intended, and like I mentioned way back in June when everything started top open up, plans need to have flexibility or options built in. Revert if it gets worse, not keep going.

I'm not an epidemiologist but I am a biologist. I am also not focused one particular model, I'm involved in so many different areas, I can't dive down and give you fill implications for a particular protein mutation or how this one factor impacts a 10-16 day model organism embro. But some of the biology makes more sense to me than to most it seems. Kind of why I like emprical cycling podcast, those guys do a good job explaining the biology and physio behind exercise. 

Shit is FUCKING NUTS out there. Although i see pictures of people racing CX right now. Somehow CT folks feel it is okay to race. Other people in the white cycling community are full on scandemic spreaders. Whatever you want to call the crazy going on... I keep coming back to the basis of conspiracy theory, and really to point out "alternative explanations" is just a different way of saying conspiracy. Playing devil's advocate is a way for a bully to take the offensive, rally their fans and tarnish credibility of others. There are ways to challenge ideas w/o being "devil's advocate" hell that's kind of like saying I have ____ friends so I can't be _____. *Fill in the blank so many ways. 

There's a lot of crazy out there. 

These next couple weeks are going to be a bit intense I bet.

I got a great ride in on Sunday tho. Got some work done on Saturday. Never got around to the homework I was supposed to do on Sunday for the course I'm taking. Privilege assumed that I've got the energy and time during the weekend to work on that stuff? NO. I was fried. Done.

Couldn't deal with it. But I did get an awesome 20 mile singlespeed MTB ride in. Agent Utah showed up (and bailed early - started lagging a bit) Betty crushed it and of course there was SteveO and Syl and a brief showing of ABS. Climbing loop on the SSMTB was rough but fun. I had to run up a few things but rode enough. Garmin was a bit cranky. Saw some Witch Hazel blooming. Did the shopping and the cooking and not much else. 

Headed out to Dirty Smackdown last night - on the singlespeed CX. Oh man so much better than the other bike with gears. Handful of other's mechanicals that I had tools to help repair/get moving. One woman walking her little dog was upset and angry but everyone else was happy and welcoming and friendly. BTW - if you're going to complain use the facts, if there were 11 people don't say there were 20. And yes we were all wearing masks when talking/stopped and we were all pretty well spaced when riding and on single track that isn't straight the risks are pretty damn low. Very different than a CX race but also fun and a challenge and esp fun when it got dark in the woods. I think everyone made it out.

And best? I had a tailwind on the way home. My legs were absolutely still feeling sunday's effort at the start of the ride, I was lagging and slow even with a 20 min warm up ride. Took another 20 minutes or so before they started coming around and I just felt better on that single speed, 

Oh and the Brants are back. Looking back over the last handful of years they are right on track - end of October. 

Isn't every day singlespeed day? Well it is for some of us. Also 34x20 with 3" 29r tires, pretty perfect:
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CG2_4TvjcAk/

And yeah we're all hitting the wall. Weather looks like might force time off this weekend. Maybe not the worst eh? Haven't had a weekend off since the week after I smashed my fingers and my head on the rock back on my birthday.

I do think about this a lot.

And I'm struck by something, there's little good new content being created on the internet. At least not like it was in the past. Content has been narrowed and targeted to a specific app based platform, you not on the platform you have a hard time browsing content and then the content isn't set up for you, it is set up for the app platform to generate 'engagement' set to reward those who keep people in there longer, what if you're an outlier? You're pretty well and fucked for finding what you want to see. And worse maybe you're an outlier on an already fringe topic, totally fucked. But then there's youtube, kind of still like the olden days of finding something similar to something you found but even then, targeted and it is a maddening experience if you don't have an adblocker installed. 

Long live the internet but i think social media killed it and news and the planet or something, Maybe I can sneak out early today... ride my singlespeed home. hope for a tailwind. Make some dinner, maybe watch some TV, get distracted by something. Maybe cue up a book and listen and try and putter around and be semi-productive tonight or just try and recover from today. I have to do a lot of thinking and writing tomorrow, need the brain fresh and ready for that. or not. Kind of like my riding, it happens without respect to optimal timing or training. Just do it. Get it done. Agonize about everything but just do it.

keep going y'all, keep being there for your job, your family, those around you, do what you can, all that chaos out there seems uninfluenced by your actions, but ultimately all of us doing the stuff makes a difference.

heddwch
G

one cog to rule them all

 Print about Singlespeed.

https://www.bicycling.com/rides/a34454946/single-speed-mountain-bike/

and
https://www.sbnation.com/secret-base/21517393/single-speed-bikes-are-the-best

I mean you know about it - can't but get it, or not get it but know someone who thinks they get it and poses their way through faking a singlespeed life.

Actually - after trying to ride CX with gears, well, it will take a lot of riding with gears on the trails to get the shifting part of my brain working more than just changing singlespeed gears. Oh i should shift up now, shift down now, shift shift shift keep that cadence in the band, pre-shift so your in the right gear after the corner or shift just before you need it or ramp it up over the hill or or or... conceptually and maybe deep in the back of my monkey brain the connections are there but all this singlespeeding, commuting, CX and now MTB'n has really put those synapses into stasis.

When's the last time I raced CX with gears? Wasn't last year. Or was it? Nope, not last year. Might have been Fruitlands but I'm also dumb enough to think maybe trying that with singlespeed might have been fun. Man 2018 was ABYSMAL results wise. Terrible. Wow. But also I took all of 2017 off basically, lost all fitness. If exploding the bursa in my knee the day after Supercross Cup didn't kill it, the over training doing the HOTM_NECX challenge and burning the fuck completely out and not pedaling hard for a year after certainly did it. 

2019 was the start of the getting back into shape, the motivating goal of riding the Coast to Coast Gravel race got me back on the bike, doing long rides. It was the first time I figured out why my back would always get worse after hard training and racing, crank length. Between solving that and the long riding I put some good base together. The racing was better than the year before but it was also purely single speed and i wasn't totally in good shape for that. Had a solid base but no intensity. I think this year I might have made the next step in the progression, just a little faster, little better. Maybe. Feeling better at least. Finding speed when I need it. But also not finding the motivation to put an effort in for more than just a short session here or there, no extended race length efforts. Probably should do that before racing again.

MTB helping? maybe. maybe not. The TT work did seem to show quite a bit of improvement over the previous years. Getting a closer but still a ways to go before finding that 2013 form. Aka never, that's 7 years gone and will never be found again. 

The other thing I keep being reminded of. I'm old. Also and more to the point, this would have been my first year racing in the 50+ group. Back in '06 those 50+ guys seemed SO OLD OMG like they were all fossils and stuff. Yeah. I know. But here's the other thing, racing 35+ was fine, and then at some point a few races did some 40+ but most of the big ones stayed 35-45-55, and just as I would have started racing in the 45s, Verge series decided to move to 40-50-60. And that was frustrating. But whatever. I had a personal theory that as soon as I was going to be able to start racing in the 50+ group they were going to change back to 35/45/55... and then back to 40-50-60...  kind of every 5 years switch just to fuck with me. And well this year? Fuck it we're not going to change the categories, we're just going to completely cancel all racing.

BOOM.

same thing. 

I find it just funny. Makes me laugh. What else can I do but that?

Hey like normal I got interrupted. Time to get on the singlespeed commuter and head home. One gear, the big over gear. And I think I might need brake pads and I don't know if I'll actually be able to find any for this bike. Consumables are getting hard to come by. Should have stocked up (on disc brakes, i still have a few canti pads pairs hanging around).

heddwch

g

G

riding with gears is too difficult for me

Instead of posting elsewhere as a comment... cue it in here: conspiracy is just a different religion, a way to placate the minds of those who can't manage with the chaos

A way to create order and cause when the cause and order are beyond the scope of an individuals logic, knowledge, education and intellect.

Marx, that crazy motherfucker did get some shit correct ATMO. Religion is the opiate of the masses, or whatever he actually said. Like Einstein said, never memorize anything you can look up easily. And then even tho i could look it up easily, fuck it - too much work. 

oh and speaking of religion.. go get your flu shot https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/10/young-invincible-flu-vaccine/616794/ 

and fine - you can pronounce GIF however you want, but keep in mind i'll stick with the inventor, mostly because of my name and how it is pronounced...  kind of OBVS - took this goofy youtoob wideo to get me to concede and just let it be.

This extra stuff is really kind of taking more work than i thought. Not bad. Good challenge, esp since it is different.

Dirty Smackdown was different. Lots of mechanicals, and people who had trouble riding on wet roots. Gravel tires are not mud tires btw. 

And I cannot use gears properly right now. Like almost always in the wrong gear unless it is a long consistent stretch and then I can get to the right gear eventually but transitions? Terrible. Brain is full on Singlespeed.  Not the worst but it is what it is. And I need to clean that bike from last night.

One thing made me laugh "Who's that guy with the librarian wife? I email him now and then but can't remember his name." So random that it made me laugh. 

Lights - my light finished charging before it was time to go but my handlebar mount (best for contrast in the woods) was set too high, so I moved it to the light bracket on the helmet, but then I lost all depth perception and benefit of the shadows. And my helmet got heavier. Needed a 4mm to adjust the angle (too tight), and well, shit couldn't quickly get the 4 out of the multi-tool that I had with me. My pump got used a TON. And it was a good ride, even with all the stops and breaks. But man 38.5 PSI is way too high. But tubes, and narrow rims, and roots and rocks means I can't run lower...  maybe a little lower by not much.

And a confession - i was not able to finish reading Harrow the Ninth in the time I had it checked out from the library. Between being too tired, busy or unmotivated, and it not being quite as engaging as the first book but also REALLY confusing (still i'm about 1/2 way through)...  it is getting better, slow build but of course it takes me until i've got no time to read it for me to be fully engaged and ready to read...  I requested it again, #17 in line on 2 copies... might need to check the bookstore for this one. 

Books, Bikes, Food, Music, Photos... 

i really do hope y'all are doing well, or at least managing, reach out if you need to vent, talk, or whatever - i'm here to listen whenever you need it, thanks for listening (with your eyes) to me.

heddwch

G

links and randomness (aka something to do with MTBs)

 Check this - esp the video:
https://www.cycleboredom.com/30-seconds-a-cyclocross-love-hate-story/

I watch this and got nervous, anxious and all that pre-start emotions. Pretty much exactly as described.

I honestly don't miss it, the stress of prep and planning. I love that stuff but it takes lots of energy. I still get a handful of it on a lower key level with MTB riding, that's the whole make sure you bring everything and time it all right, that's still happening... just not the racing.

So yeah, I don't miss CX but I also do miss it. 

Fun word time - look up your year on the Time Traveler over on MW:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/time-traveler/2020

Funny looking at how few words are showing up now compared to the early 70s for example.

punch in your birth year for some weirdness.

And Jill's photos are stunning http://www.jilloutside.com/2020/10/winter-wind-meets-fire-summer.html

of course Stevil is deep as has been typical lately: https://allhailtheblackmarket.com/2020/10/you-ever-just-want-to-disappear/

dig over to the gravel page and get into the bandanna giveaway - and read a bit of their stuff

not a glowing review...  BB on the Stache is 317 (vs 318 or 312 on the Kona) And it doesn't look as just visually wrong as the Marin, and has a respectably normal 72.3 seat tube angle vs the crazy one on either the M or K. And even with the monster 29+ wheels the Stache has a 420 chainstay vs 410 on the Kona (but can be lengthened but not by much) vs 435 on the Marin. 

Kind of funny/cool/not unexpected how the Stache kind of fits right where in the sweet spot. 

I find it climbs like a fucking beast, is fun and stable and way more capable going down hill than I am and I really don't smash my pedals much anymore (I ratchet a shit ton but long crank + singlespeed). And compared to the bikes that come through the shop beat to shit i barely touch them to anything. The only time I smack the chainring is on a bad hop over too big of a log. And even then there isn't much time with the big tire right behind it. 

Made a comment at the end of the ride, everyone on their 22# carbon full suspension bike (and then there was also Betty kicking ass on her Salsa with us), that while I have thought a lot about getting a new bike, with gears and full suspension, I am afraid I might not ride this bike anymore if I did. 
At that moment I kind of felt a bit of a commitment, lets ride this until it actually is a limit or I start racing something other than Clydesdale singlespeed marathon events. Or not, who knows...  Racing is different but racing isn't happening now and that is pretty much okay.

A year ago I had just barely begun getting back into MTBs, a handful of rides, one of them a 50 mile race. Was still racing some CX (singlespeed) if I had some of that Strava premium stuff I might be tempted to go back and look at segment comparison in Big River, to see how my times have changed. I know I'm getting faster - PRs and peak times happen more frequently. Hell the whole ride before smashing my head was one PR after another. 

Do I think about going back to gears? No.

Do I think about anything more serious than MTBs and what bike I'm riding?

I do, i just don't seem to spend as much belly button time with it here. partly I'm afraid to give voice to the fears I have for the country, if maybe I keep them quiet they won't happen.

Kind of like riding in the woods and rocks, look at where you want to go. If you look at the bad line you're going to ride it and while the Stache can often say 'bad line yeah but whatever' and clear it, life is different. 

Had a bit of discussion about sober october on twitter - sober is sober and while Bourdain wasn't a catalyst to get me to stop, it was certainly a sign. Depressive, melancholic, empathetic, insanely high functioning alcholic isn't a combination that survives more than 50 decades, esp with the shit that is happening and seems to get even worse every year since the end of 2016. I'd been in a nose dive since 2011 in some ways, i thought I had managed to pull out and fix it all in 2013 only to crash so hard into a mountain that it went even more wrong. 2018 and started over. Sort of. I'm still laughing at the fact that no one in the house noticed I had stopped drinking for over a week. From as much as I was to nothing, while it was HUGE, another major underscore of why it was needed was precisely that. I didn't change, no outward noticeable change. If the variable doesn't have any impact on the equation, simplify and remove it. Now, not to say there weren't significant personal benefits, mentally and physically, the lack of pressure to make sure there was enough alcohol in the house to get through the night was gone, the hiding of the vodka bottles and stuff - just gone. It was good. I was thinking about it again, the maybe I should just start drinking again, fuck it, if the worlds going to hell might as well medicate, but, nah, even then, nah, no desire. No desire to have a beer, sure there are some tasty beers out there, but yeah no. I'm all set. Gimme my coffee, water and my daily dose of Vit D, Ashwaganda, and Mag Glyc. and food.  Not enough but too much all that the same, yeah i took extra food with me and am still hungry and we have Dirty Smackdown tonight. To go buy snacks or not, Today I'm leaning towards buying snacks. 

Oh and i pulled out the Black Blue, just finished flipping the stem back up to CX position. It has narrrower tires (40s vs 45s) and gears. GEARS. strangeness. Shifting WHAT? 

Of course I just remembered I needed to charge the headlight that takes FOREVER to charge. Sigh.

Hopefully I won't be limping home in flashing dead battery mode on the bike path. Maybe I should get some more lights before next year, Hmmm... maybe... we'll see.

Gonna go get some snacks...

heddwch
G

figuring one self out

 Like, embarking on a project off in the distance that seems like a good idea and then, boom, it happens, and happens to overlay an unexpected big project and at the same time as everything else is rising up for demand.

Kind of like maybe I shouldn't set something in motion while i'm not in motion.

Better way to phrase it? Yes there has to be, Order a dozen books when you have nothing but time and energy and motivation to read. Books show up, just as everything else you can do and could do and need to do happens and all that planned book reading, poof. Except in this case instead of just reading the books you've agreed to REVIEW the books, signed an agreement and well it was a great idea, you love to read and yet now you have to and some how the time you had then you don't now.

Damn - took me a minute to get that set up, improv, it was that review part that I think helps. 

So yeah I did something, should help, should be benficial, but at the same time it is lining up really well with something ELSE that is equally as time intensive and requires the same level of engagement. 

Narrator overdub: "GeWilli does this ALL THE TIME" 

except not all the time, and sometimes not always to himself.

usually there's enough spacing to dull the mind to the stupidity of the challenge. Like the doing the Greasy Joe's Gravel ride on the singlespeed a SECOND time w/o changing the gearing. 

MTB singlespeeding with non-singlespeeders? Yeah it isn't the best idea, the parts where I have to go fast enough they usually don't and then i'm gassed after that when they aren't but also so what. Managed to drop the chain once, fortunately my reflexes and conditioned instincts from years of CX and riding and all that kick in and I so far have managed to avoid significant injury. It wasn't that loose, i put a 1/4 turn into the tensioner and it was as tight as could be. No measurable stretch in the chain yet, could be slippage but unlikely with the design. Just stretch. Just not much. I checked for mis-aligned teeth or chainline issues, nothing there. Chain didn't seem to have anything wrong either. High cadence, high load and climbing a bumpy hill seems to cause it...  Ah well. Rare, very very rare.

The MTB ride was longer than usual but no food, just coffee worked well. No big bolus in my stomach distracting my legs for the first hour. No fade in fueling either, but maybe the increased effort was due to the fueling, maybe i'd have been faster if I'd fueled but at the end when i was pushing it the hardest, the legs were less of a limiter than my giant hulking weight and the heavy bike and the tight twisty and uphill stuff. 

But this is the first time my back hasn't been magically fixed by the MTB ride. Upper middle muscle thing - one of those small muscles behind around the shoulderblade, only on one side. No impact in breathing not much on motion. Maybe it'll sort out. maybe I'll need to ride the MTB some more. Tomorrow is dirt smackdown, maybe that will help even tho the bars are narrow 460s not some nice 750s. 

I keep getting into deep dives in my head. not unlike what KF's been posting lately. But they've stayed there for a change. 

Thinking I need to do a bike cleaning video, but maybe I'll wait till I have a really dirty bike or two. Thinking I need to do a lot of things. Borderline burnout from work is leaking through into the rest of my functionality. And well shit - to return full circle to the beginning, well, not much chance to fix that for a good while it looks like. 

heddwch
G

reading other stuff

 I keep coming back to my old posts in my head, those long well researched ones.

And then there is the expected flak from the light roast coffee lovers, the folks who drink two cups a day and have enough - meanwhile i'm mister two POTS of coffee a day. But damn do I love the dark roast.

Also got just out the door today and realized i forgot to put deodorant on, just out of the shower no big deal but now I'm noticing my aroma, and since it is covid times no one is in my office - all support is remote and while maybe i leave a lingering stink in the rooms, there's enough airflow turnover in the rooms that it probably isn't even there, just me. And yeah times are different. No more spending 3-5 hours a day talking and teaching people how to use the equipment in a small room. Funny how even though that's been replaced by remote trainings and fewer of them, I'm still busy. I mean it is good, right? Staying busy. And yeah there's a lot more work that was created, but still, funny to sit back and reflect at all the changes, like not needing deodorant.

There's some good reading out there:
https://www.thespoken.cc/we-are-the-spoken

and

http://drunkcyclist.com/2020/10/13/tuesdays-with-dirty-what-the-world-needs-now/

and

https://wifemotherawesomegirl.com/2020/09/27/green-mountain-gravel-growler-2020/

(talk about a saga - wow - and suffering and yeah it is hard enough to ride in that area w/ an unloaded bike)

Finally there's this long bit:
https://www.georgevisserblog.com/post/paths-crossed

and while long it is really really good, H/T to resultsboy for retweeting so i could catch and read it. It also kind of underscores that discomfort at having to listen to Bart B talk on RedBull TV announcing the XCC and XCO races, sucks, but if you were around MTB'n in the 90s here in the US you know what happened... I def agree that dopers should get criminal charges. 

We all struggle right now, yeah? Big things, little things, and then we often feel guilty because for the most part we are so lucky, and then that makes it all worse. 

Accept and acknowledge and recognize the gratitude for your place, for getting to where you are now, that's okay. And your struggles, are yours. Being conscious of the relative position is important, it can help you engage and leverage your privilege, or at the least not exploit it for personal gain. I dunno totally what I'm saying, but one thing is certain. The future is going to happen one way or another.

You never know what tiny small kindness will have a butterfly effect. What smile might transform someone's day and have an unknown cascade.

The little things are still important. keep doing them.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers,

heddwch
G

laugh break

 Y'all GOTTA WATCH THIS

So I have laughed just as hard - if not harder watching this the second time.
I needed that...

I start dying laughing with the first spit take...  the cart full of ice... fucking all of it

so

funny

internetting rounding up thoughts

 and stuff...

okay now i want to read the Tree: A story of Life but kind of also might just already know too much to be engaged in it. I mean that's the shit i spent a good giant pile of my years studying scientifically. 

But totally - the awe - the walk about. Been doing that a lot these last few months. Just going outside. Sometimes taking photos, and rarely posting when I do because they fail to convey the feeling, of awe and just being. 

Call that a sub-post from this: https://www.kentfackenthall.com/get-more-awe/

Was thinking about all the people I know virtually - have become friends with through the connectivity of the digital internets. Be it forums, listserves, web logs, G+, Flickr, or the current ones...  How as time goes on some of these friends leave this life and us behind and how we can be so close but never have met in person. And then there are the people we know digitally really well and meet them in person and they are totally different people in the flesh. I feel pretty good about being the same here or there, sometimes absolutely nothing to say or no idea what the right thing to say is and often not saying anything that should be said and then not shutting up. Still in person or here I can't always (never) express the hardest and most raw emotions or truths. I never met Ezra and a handful of other people who had an influence on me that I wish I had met in person but then in the same token, would it have changed anything? no.

And not that I traveled much pre-pandemic, like at all and if I did it was usually to fly to seattle for the concerts and that is a non-stop no down time no spare minute sort of adventure. But i kind of made a loose pledge to myself a while ago after a near miss with Skip in PDX, not to have near misses again. Do what it takes to meet someone in person you know digitally. I think it is important. 

i had a bunch of other serious stuff i wanted to get out but sort of got lost in the awe and the reflection and the news of B a friend in Cali, we go back to the early days of TDIClub forum together, word that his cancer has spread and he's headed home from a long hospital stay to do in-home hospice. Never met B in person, odds are long to impossible that I'll get that chance, but I hope his hospice drags on for months and he's comfortable the whole time spending it with his wife.

Okay -sorry about that down turn - but someone else somewhere suggested that you don't wait to say thank you, to tell someone how much they mean to you. Seriously. Don't. Wait. Do it now. It is fucking difficult for so many of the best people, they can benefit from some random act of being told they mean something to you. 

I'm gonna do a hard shift, grind the gears a bit and downshift into this:

https://allhailtheblackmarket.com/2020/10/remember-october/

it is good but esp this:

"I’m a real big fan of a dark, rich cup of coffee. Light roast tastes like ass, and puts me in a bad mood, akin to bumping my head. “BuT iT hAs MoRe CaFfEiNe” people say. I don’t care. It tastes like garbage water. "

I can't agree more. All these kids and their bright flowery light roasts - can't. stand. them. Nothing worse than a lightly brewed light roast. Gimme some old diner coffee before that. I mean coffee is coffee, the worst coffee is still better than no coffee. At least for now until i finally sack up and ween myself off the bean juice in prep for 24HOGG (next year). 

I like my coffee really dark (but not over-roasted Charbux crap), vienna, french or italian roast or GTFO. Nice dark roasted Tanzanian Peaberry please. 

On a totally DIFFERENT tangent I was looking for some old recipes. I have posted a lot of them over the years here. So I sometimes use it as a recipe book. And for some stuff I have posted a different recipe each time of the same thing, like pancakes. I wonder how many of those recipes I have posted.

And then i started looking at some of the food posts. I posted a FUCK ton of information here, like deep dive referenced shit, loaded with my opinionated snark and bullshit too but still, i kind of impressed myself. 

But it is all buried under a mountain of unsorted crazy too. 

And that's okay.

There were a few other things in my head to get out from the morning ride in the rain. But that was a while ago, maybe I'll remember them only to forget them later.

heddwch
G

Hey, D'yall remember?

 That one really bad idea ride i did? back in June?
http://www.gewilli.com/2020/06/now-that-was-bad-idea-ride.html

Thought I maybe should have had a lighter gear? Yeah I still agree. And sure I thought maybe it would be easier w/o the first 25 miles, and with temps 20-25 degrees cooler. I took off the seat bag and the frame bag and carried the old Jandd backpack. Put a bladder of water in there. Just noticed. The old platypus bladder, bought it in what '98 '97? popped a leak at a seam or along where the fill valve is bonded. Sigh. Not sure I can find new bladders anywhere. Might need to look into getting some of those 900 ml Elite bottles.

Packed two bottles with skratch, there was a rumor to have water at the mid-point so i packed a couple baggies with 1 bottle of skratch powder in each. Was one sip of water away from being dry in the bottles at the water stop. refilled both. They were empty when we got back to the car. I didn't drink anything from the bladder tho.

Almost made a few egg sandwiches, but was tired after spilling a whole 16oz mug of coffee in the dark living room just after making the pot....  and there was some pesto sauce pizza left over from the other night. Took some of that. Packed a few stroopwaffles. Ate a couple sausage links and a stroopwaffle before the ride. And drank coffee. Oh and had a potato samosa from DB just before the start. 

Wound up eating only one and a half slice of the pizza (they were small rectangular slices). That's it. Finished the last two slices driving home after dropping DB off. So really not that much food, but never felt hungry or low on energy. Drank enough, never cramped. And 100% was faster than last time. Might be riding with the geared crew and chasing Syl up hills. I still had to walk that one murderous climb, Falls River...  It really isn't that bad of a climb, if you have gears. And I really wasn't that much slower than Burke who pedaled as I walked. And I was faster this time than last time walking parts of it. 

I didn't take a single photo. Not one. 

But it was fun. A blast. I was over-dressed, long sleeve bontrager orange was NOT the right garment, wound up riding with it completely unzipped most of the time. The shadow reminded me of a manta/sting ray and my pasty white underbelly kind of cemented the metaphor but when I voiced it Syl laughed and said, sting ray? No way, more like a walrus.

Ouch. But true. Hauling my 220# (yeah I'm stuck at 100kg) was fun. But it worked and at the end I had some solid power left. It was kind of awesome. I felt good. Strava says I burned 4000 calories over the 4.5 hours. Maybe, but probably under-reporting. And probably plenty of reserves left over. The SSCX worked well. Lighter gear maybe sure, wouldn't have been a bad idea but would have made me slower.

Ran with 25 psi up front and 28 in the rear this time. Tires were good at spitting just the right size little rocks at whom ever was sitting on my wheel. So that meant in sand or mixed soily stuff it was constantly throwing stuff. Had a few oopsy bounces off a few rocks, the leaves covering everything made it fun. I think I burned through my rear brake. We went down hill as much as up hill and those tended to be just about as steep. Front brake downhill on leaf strewn rocks is not a good idea. No i didn't have to find out the hard way.. 

Aside from DB picking up a big stick in the rear triangle and bending a few spokes on his NEXT wheel we were mechanical free. The rest of the guys all did a Wild Turkey 101 shot at the waterstop. We saw good people, nothing but, on the ride. Not many others. Lots of families walking into the woods (active hunting season) and NONE of them were wearing the specified 200 square inches of orange. 

It was dry out there, dusty, used the bandanna for dust a handful of times. We were blasting back and my phone rang, I ignored it. Then shortly after that it rang again. Shit, you know, that double phone call. The panic button. Fuck. So i stopped. It was my brother Morgan in Seattle, uh oh. "Did you call me twice?" "Nope just once, how ya doing?" phew relief - so I said i'd call back (totally forgot to until now) when we were done with the ride. And put my shit back together and started chasing for all I was worth. 

It was fun.

It was really fun not being out of water for the last however long it was.

I felt much better. Would be kind of interesting to see what racing in my current form would look like. Def going better than I have in a long time, not '13 level good but def closer than I have since. 
But I was also 193 pounds then. Back was a blaze of constant precariousness always fucked up. And here I am lots of pounds more, not all of the weight is sitting over my belt. 

Today was one of those "SURPRISE YOU HAVE THE DAY OFF" kind of things, and fortunately I discovered this last night, not today while at work. Chill morning, drank coffee and didn't spill it everywhere. Went grocery shopping, made some nice pork butt slow roasted pulled pork and baked beans for dinner (big salad last night and for lunch). Re-sorted the bikes in the bike room... of course now I'll need the one all the way in the back, but maybe not. 

Rain in the forecast might threaten Dirty Smackdown, but we'll see, maybe not. If not I need to ride the cx bike in, oof fuck those tires are gonna be fun if it gets wet. Ahahahah, yes I have mud tires. I should really get them together. And if it is wet it will really finish those brake pads off.

Missed MTB'n but this was just about as fun. We started on Lego on the CX bike, it was fine. The gear a bit tall, too tall to go as fast as possible through there. Also line choice with the 700x45s is NOT the same as the 29x3 tires. But there were times on some of the trails where I fell back into the just rolling over everything, and that honestly worked pretty well for most of it. Nice sort of affirmation that maybe i've finally ditched that habit of driving around every rock and pebble. 

Gonna eat now.

Do some laundry and get ready for the crazy at work starting bright and early.

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
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feeling adrift

 But not totally? 

Maybe it started with the olives, and the trigger about who hates them. I like them. But there are bad olives and the difference between the chemically doped black olives in a can from most producers and the black olives in the 365 cans that don't have that one thing in there are different, texture and flavor, and yeah the 365 ones aren't black - duh that chemical makes em look different. Ah well. 

Then a few more triggers or maybe they are detachment, clipping the guidewires.

Maybe they are self healing nanowires but well, once clipped take time to re-grown and establish control again.

Maybe I've been reading too much sci-fi. Is that possible? 

Listening to too much Opera? Nah. La Boheme, 1977 production, introduced by Tony Randall, with Pavarotti and Scotto. Fucking unbelievable. Seriously so good.

clicking through the open tabs I re-visited a bit on one that I wish would change but doesn't: http://www.teachingcancertocry.com/ 

it is more of a physical reminder of Ezra, a tie that connected those first years of Flickr, bikes, michigan and RI that is not there anymore. His food films? Fucking solid Like this one....  https://vimeo.com/19271094

I can embed it...

There

aztec soup from Fast Boy on Vimeo.

That's better.

I had a direction in mind. Got lost in the process. Probably more missing nanowires than i'm aware of.

That big microburst storm that blew through Wed night? Knocked down more branches and trees than the Hurricane that knocked out our power or any other storm in while. The bike path was blocked in 4 locations. Someone had come through and hit the first three with a chainsaw. So last night I pulled out the beer truck, hooked up the trailer and went and gathered what I could pick up and put in the trailer. Two trips. Couple days of heating the house in the dead of winter. Next year. this is green, needs seasoning but I've got enough to get through a few good cold spells for this winter. 

Ordered a Nordic Pocket Saw today. With that and some extra work, I can collect even more of this stuff  before the big tree trucks come along and stick the whole tree in the chipper. And I'll have it for the MTB rides when the hand saw is too small.

I keep thinking about bikes, well that's obvious, but now I'm referring specifically to acquiring new ones. Like I really should sell the Crossrip+ and replace it with a Madone SL6. Of course I'd need to sell the Ultegra crankset, and replace it with some 180 D-A ones. Sure the SLR would be super fab but that's more money, a lot more. Other brand? Meh not as good of a deal. A kindhuman would be fun but WAY too small. Need to have an XXL at least. And they don't. And then I think about full suspension, and gears and stuff. 

And then I'm remembering MTB riding when you're going fast is very much like rally driving. The co-driver is calling out stuff one and two things ahead of where you actually are. Your eyes on the bike kind of do that, or should be. I found myself looking three obstacles ahead or more - cataloging current space and the line with the next but looking forward for the set up. 

I'm a bit frustrated with my slowness in the first section of Dirt smackdown in the Hunt's mills stuff, but those big fat gravel tires with extra air pressure don't feel quite right or I'm just too big to try and turn and then the speed I take puts me just under optimal cadence out of the turns with the singlespeed. Change tires, change cogs, put gears on... lots of options, or I can just try and push it until I figure it out and can overcome whatever the limitation is.

But the looking ahead - ignoring what's right under the wheel and focusing on linking it all together.

Riding the Mt Bike brings me joy, even when it is a struggle, or i'm crashing on my head, there's still endless stoke and that tells me there's no need for another bike. Fewer choices are good. No agonizing, Oh i should have ridden that bike today...  there is only one bike, and mine happens to be in the wrong gear most all the time.

and i really like riding it

getting close to the time to head home

wrapping up the week - not quite getting everything done I was planning on, lots of extra "WHAT IS WRONG" taking up all the time. 

be well - cook good food - be kind - share the stoke

heddwch
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reading it on the page doesn't

 make it easier:
https://www.bikemag.com/news/goodbye-for-now/

sure the news isn't new - broke last week, but here we are. BIKE is gone.

'94 it was probably one of the first "HOLY SHIT I HAVE TO HAVE THIS" magazines.

It was transformative - up against the other offerings, this one resonated. 

here we are a few years later and honestly just as I was about to look into getting a new subscription... poof... gone... for now.

hopefully it will come back, but the staff that made it what it is probably can't wait around indefinitely.

Maybe Mike F will finally get around to writing the book Stevil hinted at.

I'm gonna play chicken with the rain - i brought cycling clothes but I think i can make it home...  i don't want to change, how i have changed.

Here's this: http://drunkcyclist.com/2020/09/29/tuesdays-with-dirty-stuff/ and this if you missed them.

The faceplace has been making good with the old CX memories. Not so much making new ones this year.

But had a great ride last night on the one speed CX bike with the fat gravel tires.

Even some photo evidence. that's me with the glowing head in the center on my goofy colored bike wearing the blue socks.

have fun, enjoy the stoke of the ride.

heddwch

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Finally an amazing list

 https://www.thegravellot.com/the-b-line/the-art-of-being-a-pebble-a-tgl-manifesto

Hard to get better than that, esp #13

All the way down the list so good, every one. Not one am I like, nah. 

Discovered, thanks to HooptySteve that I've got all access to the Met's On Demand catalog. Watched my favorite all time opera yesterday while working. Crazy how much extra desk work there way. Managed to finish the Flying Dutchman before the big zoom meeting. Started Das Rheingold last night, finishing it up here at lunch. (Yeah I had redbullTV watching the downhill doing work this morning. This Rheingold production is a bit. Odd. But The Dutchman is a good 2020 story.

Funny how timeless some stories are. And how amazing opera can be - themes and songs and all that. 

Dirt Smackdown tonight. We'll see how it goes, going to try it all SSCX style again. Greasey Joe's gravel grinder is happening on Sunday but I'm feeling more like MTB than doing that same route again. But then maybe would be good to do that route again w/o the first and last 25 miles. Still thinking about that.

long interlude - work seems to be building back to the crazy level. 

But my lights are charged and while i'm kind of hungry i think i've had enough calories for today. Hydration maybe not so ideal but i've got 45 min to fix that.

Remember:

Rule #13: Never, ever, damp The Stoke. Yours or anybody else’s. Did a friend just pick up a box-store bike? Don’t wince. Celebrate with them, help them get to know it, and offer to ride with them. Maybe offer a quick safety check. Did you just settle on a bike a couple steps below the spec you really wanted? Get excited, it’s still New Bike Day! Did your kid just pop their first half-inch wheelie? Hoist them on your shoulders like a Super Bowl MVP. Cycling can be a source for a thousand small celebrations every year. Embrace all of them.

heddwch
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not quite but close

 the shadenfreude...

Scalzi retweeted the kind of perfect pair... doomscrolling and schaudensurfing

RedBull short track on the monitor today. It started just after I got back from getting my flu shot (you should get yours, no it isn't a vaccine, and yes it may actually increase the spread of the flu but if it reduces the severity and hospitalization rates that good - so get your damn flu shot and not you can't get EBV from the flu shot, but yes there are people who have complications, talk to your doctor if you have questions, hopefully your doctor isn't an idiot, def don't listen to rando weirdos on the internet and if the information is coming from facebook or youtube IGNORE IT TOTALLY - for anything more than just entertainment value).

Redbull short track racing was insane. Evie's crash then return was INTENSE.

Heading out early i hope. As soon as I finish this. Might be a bit cold for shorts and t-shirt ride home, oops. Guess it isn't summer anymore, might have to pedal harder to stay warm.

The news. Fuck what to believe? Also how many of your well intended friends and generally nice people doing the right thing are playing right into the hands of the manipulative voter suppresion? theya re super progressive but still endorse and promote ideas designed to divide and easily disenfranchise critical demographics....  kind of frustrating but at the same time, engaging and trying to correct this behavior online is almost always counter productive. Important to work on changing people face to face, not online.

Being compassionate is not easy right now.

Living through history TOTALLY SUCKS.

Reading books is a good escape, Becky Chambers book 'To Be Taught, If Fortunate" Is fucking fantastic. Emotional quick but amazing read. Recommend 10/10

I've read a bunch of books lately. Also listened to a bunch. And with my birthday present of some pixel buds i can listen to shit on my new (pandemic old) phone. AkA bike riding or cooking or otherwise generally completely self isolating to listen. 

Last 5 i've listened too (including the one i just started today)

Altered Carbon - Richard K Morgan

The Gone World - Tom Sweterlitsch (read by Brittany Pressley - she's GOOD)

Thirteen - Richard K Morgan

To Be Taught, If Fortunate - Becky Chambers (also ready by Brittany Pressley)

Last Day on Mars - Kevin Emerson

I just tried to undo the boa on my shoes. I'm wearing the work shoes, they have laces. That was funny.

Bikes this weekend, sunday is dirt church on the mtb...  best remember to check over the bike after the long ride tuesday, maybe a touch more chain lube. Kind of want to get some 50w motor or 250w gear oil and do a test with a super light dilution. Boundary film thinking. The wax stuff is bugging me and while that stupid expensive graphene lube seems to be working for people, it is REALLY expensive and you know, down here we work on solutions for the people, share them and help everyone put resources where they can do more good than just pouring money on a bike chain.

Check out Redbull TV on sunday the cross country stuff should be awesome to watch. 

heddwch
G

well now that wasn't the plan

 Long break from writing? Not deliberate.

Lots to think about, lots to comment on, from the social media awareness that KF talked about in one social media post to a story Cort popped up on IG...  Simple topic those that need the most help, doing the most damage, could most benefit from a cleaner 'diet' are the least likely to make the change.

Jo_e Ro_grown_an Geniuses. Fair and balanced all trying to oppose the woke. All the while acting like snowflakes and calling others that.

It is frustrating. 

Go read RK Morgan's Thirteen. Fucking Jesus Land, the Rim states, the whole premise and framework was plausible the first time I read it years ago, and now? Fucking too close to the truth. Except the lack of Mars tech and the 13s.

Caught bits of the red bull XCO today. Riding on New England MTB trails over the last year has totally changed my perspective of MTB riding. That one race I busted the spokes on? Sure as hell had a few sections that were as difficult as the Pro course (it seemed, I'm sure the camera makes it look easier - maybe - maybe not) but still. Fun to watch and I don't care who won, didn't really know who was racing except for the few folks I've followed with the CX crossover. 

Read this from Red Bull and Peter Flax: https://www.redbull.com/us-en/theredbulletin/anthony-lopez-loss-leader

yall need a feel good story.

also go watch the reply of the races - put it on the big screen and just enjoy the time as those crazy pro athletes kick some serious ass. 

Did the DIY Landmine D-Day course. 41 miles of MTB. I did it on the singlespeed of course. Syl, David B and Chris B joined. Syl on his full on XC race Blurr, DB on his fancy full sus Specialized with the brain and Burke on his 9.9 top fuel with the crazy light upside down rockshox. And me. On my one speed tank. And I probably slowed them down a bit, esp on the flat pedaly sections. Got me thinking about XC bikes. 

Watching the Red Bull world cup stuff got me thinking more about them. 

But also have really felt so fortunate to have had this long stretch of time w/o racing, so i could just ride. No pressure, no results, just riding. 

Tuesday was a long day. First the long drive up to Hingham to do the DIY Landmine D-day. Then the drive home in traffic, picking up kid, making dinner. Car was making funny noise that it wasn't earlier in the day. I passed on eval that night. Went to let Millie out one last time, was out there with her, heard a commotion then a yip and she came back from around the other side of the tree in our tiny back yard coated in skunk. She got nailed right in the face, in the eyes. I was about ready to fall asleep, wrecked and tired, but then spent the next while washing the dog outside, twice, then brought her in and E gave her another bath inside. Gave her a vinegar bath last night. And last night discovered well, there's an exhaust leak somewhere. Pretty quiet when all the pipes are cold but as it warmed up it got louder. WEEEE. There's a lot of pipe under the mini-van. this is gonna be fun.

All day meetings today and yesterday. But enough gaps that I could eat lunch and recharge watching red bull. I only caught the end of the mens race but watched the women's during lunch and then finished that up after the first afternoon meeting. 

So now what. 

Act locally. Stay sane to support those around you, fuck the news, do what you can, connect with your congressional delegates, your representatives, vote. The local swell is the important part. 

Also, be a good fucking human. I don't think you can really do that and support you know who.

Empathy, compassion. And yeah, I do believe you have to be anti-racists now. And yes just like not all white people are in that triple (letter between J and L) some BIOPC are criminals, but using them as the excuse to support your own bias and prejudice is obviously wrong. 

I need more coffee but am going to see if i can make it w/o it. Gotta taper at some point, but hey gotta figure out the dropping of a few pounds too. Sleep. need that too. 

A colleague had to leave unexpectedly - or expectedly but - nevermind - complicated. They stopped by to say goodbye and to thank me for the help and patience and all the support research wise. They brought a thank you note on a card and a 4 pack of fancy imperial IPA. I felt more of an obligation to accept the gift, it felt like the right thing to do, to not send them back with what the brought for me. But now, hey who wants a beer? Do I have any close friends who might enjoy it that I can re-gift them to? Feel a bit of an obligation to make sure the gift is amplified or at the least not wasted in a trival gesture. 

So hey if you show up to dirt church on sunday - and want some good beer, let me know, i'll bring them and give them to you as a way of thanks for reading. Fine print: you have to show up in person, and let me know so i don't forget to put them in the van with the loud exhaust.

I'm gonna go home - and try and figure out what to make for dinner.

heddwch

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