so yeah - things have flipped from the first week of january, it was nice and quiet and calm and slow. kind of deliberate on my part, esp knowing what the last week was going to be like.
Prints, so many prints, only have to sell a handful at gallery list price to cover them (30% margin - so kind of like bikes i guess - how do you price art and then factor the gallery cut - makes etsy and other online 'gallery' fees seem low). Not bitching about it, it is what it is. I'm very much grateful for the opportunity to share the work.
The install has gone well - mostly documented on Instagram, gallery reception is tonight at 5pm. Who knows who is going to show up, i have no idea, been passing out post cards, inviting people. Looking forward to talking with Doug and Damon and Elena even if no one else shows up. The prints aren't installed absolutely to perfection, i think these flat tacks are too slippery, not enough friction to keep the paper from sagging, but ignoring the edges, I really like the way the prints look so i'm trying to ignore the rest, knowing that i'm probably as critical as possible. I'm also pretty okay with not everyone getting it or liking it, that's fine. I think they're a great collection and with the microscopes there to look through, really help document the whole process of scale, and that was the goal of this proposal.
I've been riding the normal bikes lately. first i got everything sorted, the Surly single speed, the big orange tank, has a new crank with 110 BCD rings instead of the unicorn 94 -5 arm ones. Rode that yesterday, I think it is good for a Hundo, me good for getting that in on that bike? maybe not, but never know. The black blue is alive as well, I don't think i've ever had as many drop bar bikes ready to go with their own wheels, 8 of them? Sure there's the Crockett single speed with CX tires and a low gear, there is the Crossrip+ and then the white blue that is set up for trainer riding (did that on Sunday watching the Expanse) and the orange surly, and finally the black blue, but the Q-pro is ready to ride and the paramount is too. Heck even the Adroit has pedals and saddle... everything has pedals and saddles. the Croll is the only one lingering as a frame, but it is just bars and stem and headset and brakes at this point. Seatpost and cranks and wheels have moved on to other bikes.
But brakes, holy shit do the canti's suck on the black blue. omg so much lever force and the rear ones need to be toed desperately. Then there is the BB7 on the Surly, the pads are pretty worn and the springs have busted but it stops better than the Black Blue (norcross EX that is still too small). And well the Crockett disc brakes are down to the backing as well, need brakes all around. Maybe going with the metallic ones for longer wear.
The big wolvhammer boots are amazing and warm. the heel strike on the chainstay is kind of annoying but not the worst. They are a bit taller and I'll need to adjust the seat height for any ride longer than a commute but no matter what the temp or the ride distance, wearing those means having warm feet.
Gonna hop back on the e-bike for today's commute, I have been getting spoiled by the lights on it for the ride home, but it has def been spoiling my legs, aka making me soft. Has belt good to ride the other bikes this week.
Time for more coffee and a shower and to figure out clothes for the opening and lunch and everything. Kind of hoped that I could invite a few friends out to restaurant week for lunch today but I've had to schedule a bunch of stuff all day and have to make a run to the printer this afternoon and will need to do the normal eat as I'm working thing.
The Bike maintenance class I'm teaching on Sunday is full, just in time for the big nor'easter to blast through and then get really fucking cold on monday. And then I start teaching on the 28th. Getting the Hundo in is going to be tough, and I'm honestly stressing a bit about it but not too much, although I should just sign up for the Michigan race to make sure I can't bail on it. Maybe I'll sell a few prints over the next week and will feel more comfortable spending that money.
Had a wicked disruptive dream that woke me up just before my alarm, writing this helped me forget it for a bit but a flashback to the part that was disturbing and just the people that were in it kind of have me a bit off balance mentally.
moving forward, never stopping, feeling old lately, realizing i am old, and that's an odd thing, it happens and i look around and others seem to be aging faster or more visibly so i usually don't feel old but still... it is happening i guess... beats the alternative...
more coffee, then prep then crazy then stand around and chill. If you're local (are there any that read this that are?) swing by the gallery tonight. The Chazan Gallery at the Wheeler School. 5-7pm. A proper search engine will get you directions.
heddwch
g
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Wednesday, January 09, 2019
panic attacks
Or what seem to be symptomatically similar. Anxiety, freakout, whatever you want to call it.
Things have been great, good productive weekend, had a couple really good days.
Dropped E off at the airport this morning before 5am, headed back, made breakfast, folded laundry, took kid to school, got shit done, went to pick up print for the staff show (dropping it off in a few but nothing to do between now and then not that I am able to in my state right now)...
driving back, normally I'd take a left on Brown off Olney and head in to the 'hood to park
today I kept going so I could swing past the lab and hesitate by the door, it is windy as fuck and didn't want to walk a few blocks with a 3'x3' bit of cardboard sandwich.
There's a Fed Ex truck in the bike lane, that bugs me, oh well.
then FLASH - what? oh shit
there's a little speed camera box/robot thing... fuck
I turn left in front of the high school and there's no speed restriction there so maybe it wasn't so bad. I was def not doing 20 mph when the flash went off.
I dropped print off in the office, drove back around to see if the truck was still there nope. but right behind where the truck was... the 20mph sign and the photo enforced signs...
fuck
panic attack, flushed skin, queasy stomach, i feel like shit
nothing to do about it now, well other than wait, for the inevitable ticket, and hope there's an option to contest/mitigate in front of a magistrate... nothings ever smooth and so many people can just keep going somehow this impacts me way more than it should. End result worst case it is just money and I fucked up. Really not a terrible thing.
so why do i feel like this? well this is how i'm wired and well i suppose there are good things that are a result of how I am...
oh well - best fill out the loan agreement and drop off artwork...
heddwch
G
Things have been great, good productive weekend, had a couple really good days.
Dropped E off at the airport this morning before 5am, headed back, made breakfast, folded laundry, took kid to school, got shit done, went to pick up print for the staff show (dropping it off in a few but nothing to do between now and then not that I am able to in my state right now)...
driving back, normally I'd take a left on Brown off Olney and head in to the 'hood to park
today I kept going so I could swing past the lab and hesitate by the door, it is windy as fuck and didn't want to walk a few blocks with a 3'x3' bit of cardboard sandwich.
There's a Fed Ex truck in the bike lane, that bugs me, oh well.
then FLASH - what? oh shit
there's a little speed camera box/robot thing... fuck
I turn left in front of the high school and there's no speed restriction there so maybe it wasn't so bad. I was def not doing 20 mph when the flash went off.
I dropped print off in the office, drove back around to see if the truck was still there nope. but right behind where the truck was... the 20mph sign and the photo enforced signs...
fuck
panic attack, flushed skin, queasy stomach, i feel like shit
nothing to do about it now, well other than wait, for the inevitable ticket, and hope there's an option to contest/mitigate in front of a magistrate... nothings ever smooth and so many people can just keep going somehow this impacts me way more than it should. End result worst case it is just money and I fucked up. Really not a terrible thing.
so why do i feel like this? well this is how i'm wired and well i suppose there are good things that are a result of how I am...
oh well - best fill out the loan agreement and drop off artwork...
heddwch
G
Thursday, January 03, 2019
face to face
is good
talking to people you engage digitally with face to face occasionally is important
not to down play those you only interact with via this thing called the internet
but to strengthen their voice in your head, hear their inflections and mannerisms as you read their written/text/email/DM words - it is good
social introverts are a tough nut, esp ones who don't do moderation well
speaking of the moderation this was shared by shoogs - and yeah it fucking resonated
https://medium.com/@mbrevoort/365-days-of-running-5a42bfd43af9
NO - i am not going to run every day. Maybe I'll run but not yet
hard enough right now to try and carve time and energy to plan the January hundo i've challenged myself to
pressure? yes, but necessary
tired
i realized the other day that I am just tired, not ragged, not rolling along on coffee and alcohol, level of function was fine but i was not fine
functional is not fine
i'm not much more than functional right now but I am more present
more conscious
production is different, deeper more meaningful
i'm tired but i can also feel myself resting better feeling less tired
still drinking too much coffee but as i catch up from the last two months
i am starting to self regulate the coffee
key
if i feel more rested i drink less coffee
funny that
I'm mailing out the next batch of post cards
if you want one send me a mailing address
i'm also heading up to the printer
Staff show install is next week- only one print there but I'm kind of super stoked about it - finalized the editing i started yesterday - it's gonna be good - i should rephrase that - I really like it, am pleased by it and think it is fucking awesome and if you don't I don't care because maybe there is someone else who likes it too and then we can high five and those that don't get it can move on to something different
there's always a lot of talk this time of the year about how to be a better you - you'll never please everyone so stop trying, people are different you can absolutely not get along with someone and it doesn't make either of you bad people and more importantly it is okay to let go of past relationships/friendships what you had once has changed, move on and let it pass on behind/bridge/river/whateverfuckingmetaphoryouwant
for me i tend to be a collector, stuff and emotions, memories and feelings.. that will never change, but the whole sober me is helping to realize it is okay to let go of those stinking junk piles that you absolutely will never revisit or use
okay now i'm kind of spouting bullshit but not really, got soapboxing a bit but the truth is there
i'm still figuring it out
somethings I could flip a switch, i guess i just stopped drinking, twice last year, just like that. no taper no nothing. But it took a hell of a lot to get to those places. It was way more complicated than just stopping, the whole stopping the beer first was the first step that lead to success. Sure, i'm about a week away from only 7 months but that's not so bad, pretty good i think.
not trying to make this all AA meeting style blog but the point is back a bit - moving on, collecting something different, new emotions, finding out how to have bad moments not fester and dredge up painful emotions from the past
i guess in other words finally treating the emotional PTSD that has wrecked me for the last 7-8 years the last 5 especially. I was thinking back, what if I had gone sober in '14 instead of just drinking more, what might have happened
that's a very stupid line of thinking, there's nothing to do about it now - except focus forward
and i've got some fun stuff to focus on
the car not being one of them, but i've ignored it for a few days and that feels good
gonna shut up now and head to the printer and get the ball rolling on some expensive production
but this http://www.teachingcancertocry.com/45/2238/ - i read it and it is tough so much empathy for H, Ezra... man that guy, say what you want, prototypical privileged white dude hipster, but he had a bit of genuine awesome and a pile of charisma and we connected - not face to face, but emails, chats, and DMs and stuff, starting at flickr and moving from there - never had the chance to meet him in person, a regret, but much of what he created was digital and it is still out there, and I still go back and look at it now and then
strange mood eh?
it'll pass
they always do
do good
be kind
heddwch
G
talking to people you engage digitally with face to face occasionally is important
not to down play those you only interact with via this thing called the internet
but to strengthen their voice in your head, hear their inflections and mannerisms as you read their written/text/email/DM words - it is good
social introverts are a tough nut, esp ones who don't do moderation well
speaking of the moderation this was shared by shoogs - and yeah it fucking resonated
https://medium.com/@mbrevoort/365-days-of-running-5a42bfd43af9
NO - i am not going to run every day. Maybe I'll run but not yet
hard enough right now to try and carve time and energy to plan the January hundo i've challenged myself to
pressure? yes, but necessary
tired
i realized the other day that I am just tired, not ragged, not rolling along on coffee and alcohol, level of function was fine but i was not fine
functional is not fine
i'm not much more than functional right now but I am more present
more conscious
production is different, deeper more meaningful
i'm tired but i can also feel myself resting better feeling less tired
still drinking too much coffee but as i catch up from the last two months
i am starting to self regulate the coffee
key
if i feel more rested i drink less coffee
funny that
I'm mailing out the next batch of post cards
if you want one send me a mailing address
i'm also heading up to the printer
Staff show install is next week- only one print there but I'm kind of super stoked about it - finalized the editing i started yesterday - it's gonna be good - i should rephrase that - I really like it, am pleased by it and think it is fucking awesome and if you don't I don't care because maybe there is someone else who likes it too and then we can high five and those that don't get it can move on to something different
there's always a lot of talk this time of the year about how to be a better you - you'll never please everyone so stop trying, people are different you can absolutely not get along with someone and it doesn't make either of you bad people and more importantly it is okay to let go of past relationships/friendships what you had once has changed, move on and let it pass on behind/bridge/river/whateverfuckingmetaphoryouwant
for me i tend to be a collector, stuff and emotions, memories and feelings.. that will never change, but the whole sober me is helping to realize it is okay to let go of those stinking junk piles that you absolutely will never revisit or use
okay now i'm kind of spouting bullshit but not really, got soapboxing a bit but the truth is there
i'm still figuring it out
somethings I could flip a switch, i guess i just stopped drinking, twice last year, just like that. no taper no nothing. But it took a hell of a lot to get to those places. It was way more complicated than just stopping, the whole stopping the beer first was the first step that lead to success. Sure, i'm about a week away from only 7 months but that's not so bad, pretty good i think.
not trying to make this all AA meeting style blog but the point is back a bit - moving on, collecting something different, new emotions, finding out how to have bad moments not fester and dredge up painful emotions from the past
i guess in other words finally treating the emotional PTSD that has wrecked me for the last 7-8 years the last 5 especially. I was thinking back, what if I had gone sober in '14 instead of just drinking more, what might have happened
that's a very stupid line of thinking, there's nothing to do about it now - except focus forward
and i've got some fun stuff to focus on
the car not being one of them, but i've ignored it for a few days and that feels good
gonna shut up now and head to the printer and get the ball rolling on some expensive production
but this http://www.teachingcancertocry.com/45/2238/ - i read it and it is tough so much empathy for H, Ezra... man that guy, say what you want, prototypical privileged white dude hipster, but he had a bit of genuine awesome and a pile of charisma and we connected - not face to face, but emails, chats, and DMs and stuff, starting at flickr and moving from there - never had the chance to meet him in person, a regret, but much of what he created was digital and it is still out there, and I still go back and look at it now and then
strange mood eh?
it'll pass
they always do
do good
be kind
heddwch
G
Tuesday, January 01, 2019
Made it outside... on a bike
It wasn't bad out there. A bit windy but I just took the CX bike, all singlespeeded up and squishy fat tires, put some air in it and got 18 miles or so in. A bit low in the back tire - pretty squirmy on pavement making turns but the little bit of dirt and sand was perfect.
Did some thinking. Wound up swinging through the RISD farm/beach. Remembered what happened there 5 years ago. Was that really 5 years ago... there are a lot of elements woven into that day, but the thread I keep holding on to is that I had a lot of friends show up for my bandit race. And that was really cool. I should do another one like that before too long.
Lots of talk on twitter about spring adventure/dirt rides this evening. I'm pretty stoked for it. Today was a bit of a test. How did I feel kind of ride.
I did the ride on two coffees and no calories since before bed last night. No water with me, didn't need it. The single speed was way under geared with the tailwind but that was good - helped focus on form and just pedaling. It was pretty good for the headwinds given the level of effort, hard but not too hard. I poked around mostly in barrington. came home, ate a bit of taco salad, had some more coffee, a shower, made dinner, am now trying to lull myself to sleep so I can wake up way early tomorrow and get the kid to school and me to work. The one car thing means I'll be dropping kid off and coming back home and riding in.
I did not touch the Volvo today. Didn't even really think about it much. Would be easier to diagnose if it was running and there were symptoms to use to track it all down. But it is going to have to sit and wait until the weekend. I need a mental break from it, worst case it gets towed somewhere. Where? I dunno. Somewhere with volvo factory code reading capacity incase there's some funky weird level shit going on. Cheaper than buying a new car.
It is 2019, the bike ride got me thinking a bit more. I need to get that other Blue working. My adventure/long haul bike. Crazy how much those two bikes made a difference. I suppose I should get the paramount's fork repaired and put that back into the rotation, but for now it would be enough to get the Black blue running. I might just need to order an adapter rather than keep looking for the one i have. But that's silly, I have it, I just don't know where it is! Well I know where but have to dig through a bit of a mess to hopefully find it in one of two places it is hiding.
But pedaling was good. Tomorrow I'll jump back on the Crossrip+ assist my way to work.
I didn't get the car working but I'm okay with that, the bummer side of it not working has slipped, I spent a good amount of time working on it and I needed today to be chill, to ride, to relax, to recover a bit going into the start of this month. I'm a bit anxious about working the hundo in but it'll happen, I'll find a way to make it work. And hopefully a weather window that is not terrible to ride to boston in.
Kind of a pointless web log post, but not really, A good reminder to myself to not get lost in the moment of frustration, to just work through it, do your best, even if it isn't the most you can do, it is something more than nothing and even a little has value.
gonna read a bit and hopefully close my eyes early tonight
heddwch
G
Did some thinking. Wound up swinging through the RISD farm/beach. Remembered what happened there 5 years ago. Was that really 5 years ago... there are a lot of elements woven into that day, but the thread I keep holding on to is that I had a lot of friends show up for my bandit race. And that was really cool. I should do another one like that before too long.
Lots of talk on twitter about spring adventure/dirt rides this evening. I'm pretty stoked for it. Today was a bit of a test. How did I feel kind of ride.
I did the ride on two coffees and no calories since before bed last night. No water with me, didn't need it. The single speed was way under geared with the tailwind but that was good - helped focus on form and just pedaling. It was pretty good for the headwinds given the level of effort, hard but not too hard. I poked around mostly in barrington. came home, ate a bit of taco salad, had some more coffee, a shower, made dinner, am now trying to lull myself to sleep so I can wake up way early tomorrow and get the kid to school and me to work. The one car thing means I'll be dropping kid off and coming back home and riding in.
I did not touch the Volvo today. Didn't even really think about it much. Would be easier to diagnose if it was running and there were symptoms to use to track it all down. But it is going to have to sit and wait until the weekend. I need a mental break from it, worst case it gets towed somewhere. Where? I dunno. Somewhere with volvo factory code reading capacity incase there's some funky weird level shit going on. Cheaper than buying a new car.
It is 2019, the bike ride got me thinking a bit more. I need to get that other Blue working. My adventure/long haul bike. Crazy how much those two bikes made a difference. I suppose I should get the paramount's fork repaired and put that back into the rotation, but for now it would be enough to get the Black blue running. I might just need to order an adapter rather than keep looking for the one i have. But that's silly, I have it, I just don't know where it is! Well I know where but have to dig through a bit of a mess to hopefully find it in one of two places it is hiding.
But pedaling was good. Tomorrow I'll jump back on the Crossrip+ assist my way to work.
I didn't get the car working but I'm okay with that, the bummer side of it not working has slipped, I spent a good amount of time working on it and I needed today to be chill, to ride, to relax, to recover a bit going into the start of this month. I'm a bit anxious about working the hundo in but it'll happen, I'll find a way to make it work. And hopefully a weather window that is not terrible to ride to boston in.
Kind of a pointless web log post, but not really, A good reminder to myself to not get lost in the moment of frustration, to just work through it, do your best, even if it isn't the most you can do, it is something more than nothing and even a little has value.
gonna read a bit and hopefully close my eyes early tonight
heddwch
G
Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
To all y'all.
One of these years I'll write a proper retrospective on the year. And one of these years I may just say fuck it and go to sleep.
Not sure I'm going to do either tonight.
Yeah it is after midnight. My back is pissed off and sore from all the crawling around taking the interior of the car apart trying to find problem. Only to find this car isn't like anything in the DIY youtube or other stuff. That's okay. I'm figuring it out, slower than most I guess. But hey at least I can eliminate stuff maybe? Throttle body looks clean so at least that isn't it. I got everything put back together before the rain started.
Last year at this time I had been beer free for almost a week. I was drinking a bit still though. A creature of habit, one of intense focus, all in, no moderation, each year has many anniversaries of something, often marked with ceremonious drinking. There have been enough big ones that were anxious and uncertain but ultimately I suppose my character helps in this way, there is no road back. Not for a long time, if ever, and that's becoming more and more okay. Gotten it out of our system. A slow build... unsustainable. through that now.
Replaced with seltzer when it is there, plain water if not, but still a shit ton of coffee.
Now I'm 100% on board with the no drinking liquid calories.
I did want to work on the bikes today. Maybe tomorrow I take a break from the car, let that wonder wagon sit for a bit and dig out the bikes and see if I can make some progress on getting a Hundo machine ready to roll. It is going to be tough to find the time in January to make it happen but it has to happen. I need the goal. Going to hold off registering for the Coast to Coast in Michigan for a bit. It only goes up $10 tonight, best not to have the entry fee riding on a credit card until I absolutely have to. Yeah. Fiscally still upsidedown and backwards, making progress, but also explains a bit of pressure why I am trying to keep these two old beasts on the road myself.
So I worked a bit on the car, did more research, drank some coffee this morning, posted stuff on the nanoscape instagram, worked on the car, got a fire started in the wood stove just as the cold rain started falling, then made a nice chuck roast in the oven, roasted some potatoes and carrots, made a big pile of hot salad, and some gravy. It was delicious. Then watched Crazy Rich Asians with the family, had some ice cream, chatted with a friend, having another seltzer or two, and writing a bit.
I'll head back in on Wednesday, hopefully everything is all good and there's no big issue. There's a lot to do, going to be a big month. A good way to start off the year I suppose. Rushing headlong into it. I think a big part of what needs to happen is some letting go. I've been slowly doing it on a smaller basis and it is helping. Nothing critical but well that whole crazy intense side of me, hangs on to stuff, I guess part of it all is the reading too, it has been helping. Esp the thought provoking stuff. No non-fiction, nothing more than good Sci-Fi. That and being more aware of me, of my self. Not having the self perception masked in a haze.
A bit late eh, that concert the other night was pretty easy, slipped right back into west coast mode. But dogs aren't having ANY of this sleeping in thing, well, I'm still sleeping in but 7:30-8am is about their limit. I'd kind of like to get caught up on sleep. That's a goal. And this isn't helping is it. Fuck it. I'll go to bed early tomorrow night.
I'll stop rambling and go to bed now.
heddwch,
g
One of these years I'll write a proper retrospective on the year. And one of these years I may just say fuck it and go to sleep.
Not sure I'm going to do either tonight.
Yeah it is after midnight. My back is pissed off and sore from all the crawling around taking the interior of the car apart trying to find problem. Only to find this car isn't like anything in the DIY youtube or other stuff. That's okay. I'm figuring it out, slower than most I guess. But hey at least I can eliminate stuff maybe? Throttle body looks clean so at least that isn't it. I got everything put back together before the rain started.
Last year at this time I had been beer free for almost a week. I was drinking a bit still though. A creature of habit, one of intense focus, all in, no moderation, each year has many anniversaries of something, often marked with ceremonious drinking. There have been enough big ones that were anxious and uncertain but ultimately I suppose my character helps in this way, there is no road back. Not for a long time, if ever, and that's becoming more and more okay. Gotten it out of our system. A slow build... unsustainable. through that now.
Replaced with seltzer when it is there, plain water if not, but still a shit ton of coffee.
Now I'm 100% on board with the no drinking liquid calories.
I did want to work on the bikes today. Maybe tomorrow I take a break from the car, let that wonder wagon sit for a bit and dig out the bikes and see if I can make some progress on getting a Hundo machine ready to roll. It is going to be tough to find the time in January to make it happen but it has to happen. I need the goal. Going to hold off registering for the Coast to Coast in Michigan for a bit. It only goes up $10 tonight, best not to have the entry fee riding on a credit card until I absolutely have to. Yeah. Fiscally still upsidedown and backwards, making progress, but also explains a bit of pressure why I am trying to keep these two old beasts on the road myself.
So I worked a bit on the car, did more research, drank some coffee this morning, posted stuff on the nanoscape instagram, worked on the car, got a fire started in the wood stove just as the cold rain started falling, then made a nice chuck roast in the oven, roasted some potatoes and carrots, made a big pile of hot salad, and some gravy. It was delicious. Then watched Crazy Rich Asians with the family, had some ice cream, chatted with a friend, having another seltzer or two, and writing a bit.
I'll head back in on Wednesday, hopefully everything is all good and there's no big issue. There's a lot to do, going to be a big month. A good way to start off the year I suppose. Rushing headlong into it. I think a big part of what needs to happen is some letting go. I've been slowly doing it on a smaller basis and it is helping. Nothing critical but well that whole crazy intense side of me, hangs on to stuff, I guess part of it all is the reading too, it has been helping. Esp the thought provoking stuff. No non-fiction, nothing more than good Sci-Fi. That and being more aware of me, of my self. Not having the self perception masked in a haze.
A bit late eh, that concert the other night was pretty easy, slipped right back into west coast mode. But dogs aren't having ANY of this sleeping in thing, well, I'm still sleeping in but 7:30-8am is about their limit. I'd kind of like to get caught up on sleep. That's a goal. And this isn't helping is it. Fuck it. I'll go to bed early tomorrow night.
I'll stop rambling and go to bed now.
heddwch,
g
Sunday, December 30, 2018
back to bummersville
Odd how one little thing can push the button. Even if it isn't such a little thing.
But other than this issue, I did manage to have fun with my kid at a concert last night, finish the one crazy long book from one of my new favorite long winded authors, some welsh dude named Alastair Reynolds. A friend was cleaning up and had a few Sci-fi books that made their way to me. Opened the door to a few new to me authors that I might not have found otherwise. One was Alan Dean Foster and his super fun the Taken Trilogy, but that was a quick digestion of fun and imagination. This Alastair guy, so good. I listened to the House of Suns over the summer. Long but complex and unexpected but predictable enough to be fun to read and not a chore, i know everyone has a different balance on that. This one that I finished yesterday, Blue Remembered Earth, was good, but long. Finished that and jumped into the 3rd book of Emma Newman's incredibly dark but well developed and intertwined but stand alone stories of the Planetfall Series. Book 4 is coming out this spring and I'm looking forward to it. They are short reads, relative to Alastairs monster tomes. Finished that today in a vacation mode relaxed and read a bit and physical fog from the trip to boston and the immediate stress before departure.
Writing about the reading of the books has calmed me down a bit, not as bummed. I think that's the most descriptive way to phrase my mood. Not depressed, not sad, but bummed. Total bummer dude. Shit is going fine, but you know, something just has to be a bummer I guess.
It has been a big bummer though. Now the laying around reading wasn't as much of a total was as it was a waiting out a potential fix. As in yeah, the volvo is back doing the no start thing it did before gloucester. Same. Problem. And what I thought was the key to fixing it (battery unhooked and low voltage for a day or two) well about 18 hours of the battery being disconnected wasn't enough to magically fix it this time. That's one reason I was reading. The other was the concert went last last night, I didn't get to bed until even later. But the van ran fine, found parking, on the street, in boston. WTF. SO GOOD. but it was late, I was tired. But that's the nice thing about being sober/straight edge. No temptation to by $8 beers or need to worry about driving home. Make people watching at the club more fun I suppose. Observational, or I'm just back to being that kid my Sister murdered any shred of confidence with when describing someone else being the quiet guy in the corner just staring at people, it wasn't me but it might as well have been. The guy watching, but intensely, easy to mistake intent or meaning. Oh well. I smile more and try to be discrete if I watch other people more intently thank just a passing glance. But then I don't blend in well or disappear all that easily. I'd never heard the band, maybe would have been better if I was a big fan and knew all the lyrics and stuff.
So when the temps peaked this afternoon, and the sun was the warmest and brightest and still shining on the cars, I hooked the battery back up and tried to start the car. Nope. HAHA nothing.
Fuck.
2.5 hours later, dozens of things attempted, all with no success, also not eliminating much other than unhooking the battery didn't fix it this time. No fault codes, there's fuel pressure, it is starting, it is just shutting down before reaching idle. Could be fuel shut off from the immobilizer. Loose wire? worn immobilizer ring? Crank or camshaft position sensor? Throttle body? I dunno. Ran out of warmth and daylight and bagged it for the day, frustrated and bummed.
Still, we have one working car at the moment, and I have a few days to work through the diagnostics. Not terrible. But working on car means not working on bike or organizing or sorting through the stuff I have been wanting to get to for a while. And it is a bummer that it is so maddeningly frustrating. And that this very well described problem is one that is easy to just throw money at paying someone else to go through everything I am, unless they hit and solve it the first time i guess. Or they don't and anyway. Not there yet. But the car has me a bit bummed. Esp after so faithfully hauling us back and forth to and from Virginia. Yes. I gotta be grateful it didn't happen down there. Indeed, I am.
Perhaps there will be a breakthrough tomorrow, or at least fewer variables and progress.
I was trying to get ready for 2019, prepare myself for the immediate onslaught that begins on the 2nd when I'm back at work. Now I'm dealing with this.
Such is life.
Such is life.
Well, sitting in the dregs of 2018, here's hoping this next year isn't so bad.
heddwch
G
But other than this issue, I did manage to have fun with my kid at a concert last night, finish the one crazy long book from one of my new favorite long winded authors, some welsh dude named Alastair Reynolds. A friend was cleaning up and had a few Sci-fi books that made their way to me. Opened the door to a few new to me authors that I might not have found otherwise. One was Alan Dean Foster and his super fun the Taken Trilogy, but that was a quick digestion of fun and imagination. This Alastair guy, so good. I listened to the House of Suns over the summer. Long but complex and unexpected but predictable enough to be fun to read and not a chore, i know everyone has a different balance on that. This one that I finished yesterday, Blue Remembered Earth, was good, but long. Finished that and jumped into the 3rd book of Emma Newman's incredibly dark but well developed and intertwined but stand alone stories of the Planetfall Series. Book 4 is coming out this spring and I'm looking forward to it. They are short reads, relative to Alastairs monster tomes. Finished that today in a vacation mode relaxed and read a bit and physical fog from the trip to boston and the immediate stress before departure.
Writing about the reading of the books has calmed me down a bit, not as bummed. I think that's the most descriptive way to phrase my mood. Not depressed, not sad, but bummed. Total bummer dude. Shit is going fine, but you know, something just has to be a bummer I guess.
It has been a big bummer though. Now the laying around reading wasn't as much of a total was as it was a waiting out a potential fix. As in yeah, the volvo is back doing the no start thing it did before gloucester. Same. Problem. And what I thought was the key to fixing it (battery unhooked and low voltage for a day or two) well about 18 hours of the battery being disconnected wasn't enough to magically fix it this time. That's one reason I was reading. The other was the concert went last last night, I didn't get to bed until even later. But the van ran fine, found parking, on the street, in boston. WTF. SO GOOD. but it was late, I was tired. But that's the nice thing about being sober/straight edge. No temptation to by $8 beers or need to worry about driving home. Make people watching at the club more fun I suppose. Observational, or I'm just back to being that kid my Sister murdered any shred of confidence with when describing someone else being the quiet guy in the corner just staring at people, it wasn't me but it might as well have been. The guy watching, but intensely, easy to mistake intent or meaning. Oh well. I smile more and try to be discrete if I watch other people more intently thank just a passing glance. But then I don't blend in well or disappear all that easily. I'd never heard the band, maybe would have been better if I was a big fan and knew all the lyrics and stuff.
So when the temps peaked this afternoon, and the sun was the warmest and brightest and still shining on the cars, I hooked the battery back up and tried to start the car. Nope. HAHA nothing.
Fuck.
2.5 hours later, dozens of things attempted, all with no success, also not eliminating much other than unhooking the battery didn't fix it this time. No fault codes, there's fuel pressure, it is starting, it is just shutting down before reaching idle. Could be fuel shut off from the immobilizer. Loose wire? worn immobilizer ring? Crank or camshaft position sensor? Throttle body? I dunno. Ran out of warmth and daylight and bagged it for the day, frustrated and bummed.
Still, we have one working car at the moment, and I have a few days to work through the diagnostics. Not terrible. But working on car means not working on bike or organizing or sorting through the stuff I have been wanting to get to for a while. And it is a bummer that it is so maddeningly frustrating. And that this very well described problem is one that is easy to just throw money at paying someone else to go through everything I am, unless they hit and solve it the first time i guess. Or they don't and anyway. Not there yet. But the car has me a bit bummed. Esp after so faithfully hauling us back and forth to and from Virginia. Yes. I gotta be grateful it didn't happen down there. Indeed, I am.
Perhaps there will be a breakthrough tomorrow, or at least fewer variables and progress.
I was trying to get ready for 2019, prepare myself for the immediate onslaught that begins on the 2nd when I'm back at work. Now I'm dealing with this.
Such is life.
Such is life.
Well, sitting in the dregs of 2018, here's hoping this next year isn't so bad.
heddwch
G
Friday, December 28, 2018
That drive
was not easy on the way home.
But I still drove the whole 10 hours.
Got a critical thing done today, then got the van inspected and it miraculously passed and made it to the post office today. Mailed gallery opening post cards to everyone who sent me christmas cards and a couple others.
Stupid level of tired though after the whole being locked out and then being sick and then driving and man that took a lot out.
Still a bunch to get through, have to head to Boston tomorrow night.
maybe i can get the rest of everything done and find time to rest and relax before heading back to work and the maelstrom of catching up from December, getting ready for class to start, prep for gallery opening and staff art show, and somehow get the bike together for a hundo, and find a day to get that done.
life is crazy - but i'm crazier
and now i have to get off my butt and start making dinner
heddwch
G
But I still drove the whole 10 hours.
Got a critical thing done today, then got the van inspected and it miraculously passed and made it to the post office today. Mailed gallery opening post cards to everyone who sent me christmas cards and a couple others.
Stupid level of tired though after the whole being locked out and then being sick and then driving and man that took a lot out.
Still a bunch to get through, have to head to Boston tomorrow night.
maybe i can get the rest of everything done and find time to rest and relax before heading back to work and the maelstrom of catching up from December, getting ready for class to start, prep for gallery opening and staff art show, and somehow get the bike together for a hundo, and find a day to get that done.
life is crazy - but i'm crazier
and now i have to get off my butt and start making dinner
heddwch
G
Wednesday, December 26, 2018
Straight OUTA Gears
Wearing that T-shirt today.
Probably because one thought while in the shower was, why not just start with the hundos using the single speed? Set up the big orange tank into a more svelte version, lighter tires, slightly bigger gear, maybe different crank just to put that crank back on the MTB if came off of?
Not going to conquer anything too steep on the hundos, And I do kind of like the whole single speed thing if it isn't obvious.
I still want to find that damn BB adapter but I am kind of liking this one gear idea.
So last night... fuuuuck. So much for sleeping.
Couldn't fall asleep last night, even after pushing it. But eventually I did.
To be woken up... at midnight (an hour or so later) by the white dog with the poop problem that lead to me being locked out (people still continue to wonder why i didn't call someone, or ring the door bell, or ____ yeah well i didn't) I woke up to hear her puking and then the sploosh of the stomach contents.
Awe fuck.
But mystery as to why she wasn't feeling great yesterday. She'd eaten a petrified piece of dog poop, and puked it up more or less intact.
That said - it was now on a plush deep pile white carpet.
Cleaned that up.
eventually feel back asleep.
woke up to some weird stomach noises coming from the dogs... a couple times... parent brain was on a high active level.
After a few cycles of the HVAC system the room stopped smelling like a mix of dog puke and resolve carpet cleaner and I started to sleep well. other than being sick, and blowing my nose through the night.
AND THEN THE OTHER DOG... heard something that prompted a loud BARK!
At least three times. And then the night was over and we had another day ahead of us on less than ideal sleep. At least I'm not drinking.
cooking some enchiladas for everyone tonight instead of going to the movies.
I can't wait to crank the tunes and start creating some delicious mexican dinner. Looking forward to a nice change of pace from simple but good basic foods.
heddwch
G
Probably because one thought while in the shower was, why not just start with the hundos using the single speed? Set up the big orange tank into a more svelte version, lighter tires, slightly bigger gear, maybe different crank just to put that crank back on the MTB if came off of?
Not going to conquer anything too steep on the hundos, And I do kind of like the whole single speed thing if it isn't obvious.
I still want to find that damn BB adapter but I am kind of liking this one gear idea.
So last night... fuuuuck. So much for sleeping.
Couldn't fall asleep last night, even after pushing it. But eventually I did.
To be woken up... at midnight (an hour or so later) by the white dog with the poop problem that lead to me being locked out (people still continue to wonder why i didn't call someone, or ring the door bell, or ____ yeah well i didn't) I woke up to hear her puking and then the sploosh of the stomach contents.
Awe fuck.
But mystery as to why she wasn't feeling great yesterday. She'd eaten a petrified piece of dog poop, and puked it up more or less intact.
That said - it was now on a plush deep pile white carpet.
Cleaned that up.
eventually feel back asleep.
woke up to some weird stomach noises coming from the dogs... a couple times... parent brain was on a high active level.
After a few cycles of the HVAC system the room stopped smelling like a mix of dog puke and resolve carpet cleaner and I started to sleep well. other than being sick, and blowing my nose through the night.
AND THEN THE OTHER DOG... heard something that prompted a loud BARK!
At least three times. And then the night was over and we had another day ahead of us on less than ideal sleep. At least I'm not drinking.
cooking some enchiladas for everyone tonight instead of going to the movies.
I can't wait to crank the tunes and start creating some delicious mexican dinner. Looking forward to a nice change of pace from simple but good basic foods.
heddwch
G
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
8 hours later
Spending 8 hours in a car with two sick people (colds/sinus) is a good way to get sick.
This morning i made sure I headed along that path.
BTW - Merry Christmas and all that. Happy all that to you and yours even if you don't celebrate formally, it is hard to avoid the holiday here in the US, one way or another.
What so special about this morning?
Kind of better to follow in tweet form.
A thread: https://twitter.com/Ge_Willi/status/1077483353463554049?s=19
Yeah, I locked myself out of my In-laws house, at 3:20 or so this morning. The little white dog was insistent on going outside. I put on some pants, a t-shirt and headed out. The gates on the back yard are old and not always closed "Always check the gates" that and the dogs were fucking FLYING out the door and off the porch and i really didn't want them to be going after something i might have to deal with. And so i followed them out after opening the dead bolt and heading out. With my phone for some reason. Door went 'click' behind me, dogs were just pooping, walked back and... locked. Ah fuck. It is 30F and i'm barefoot in a t-shirt and everyone is asleep. Fun times.
I knew i had put the garage door code in my phone a few years back so I could get in and out w/o a front door key, no problem right? Go open the garage! Had to find the code, the correct one. Turns out I have a bunch of different alarm codes, all mysterious 4 digit numbers, which fucking one was it.
Figured that out, with relief, went to open the door from the garage into the laundry room.
IT.
WAS.
LOCKED.
Well... fuck.
Knocked on the door, it made a shit ton of racket opening, maybe someone will hear. Nope. Silence. Everyone was TIRED. I guess.
Went to get the dogs into the garage, but no leashes, and who knows what out there for them to chase, so that was a bit of fun going from the back yard to the garage. But hey they went right to the door, and I closed it, hoping someone would hear the door making noise again. Nope.
At least it was a little warmer in there. but upper 40s still isn't exactly comfortable when you aren't dressed for it or working out intensely. I opened and closed the door partially a few times, maybe it would wake them up. Nope.
Called and texted my wife, her phone is usually on vibrate, it makes enough noise that she/we usually hear it. Nope. Make it even better since she was even worse sick wise she went to sleep in a different room and well no one to miss me not coming back in. Texted the rest of the house. For some reason I didn't call the house number. Guess the back of my monkey brain was thinking if they can't hear this monster racket of the door opening, they aren't going to hear the phone.
Time crept on. Eventually little white dog had to shit again, she started doing laps around the new used car in there and I heard a splat and then had a calm dog and a wickked bad stink of dog shit to cope with. Awesome, something to clean up if we ever get out of here. They all were going to mass, they'll wake up eventually.
Dogs were cold. And confused. There was a bit of movement, mice maybe, in there to entertain the black dog, but white dog was cold too. I got coal I guess. My punishment for being such a horrible person is being stuck out in the cold freezing my damn ass off.
Well white dog got a bit agitated again, she wasn't looking comfortable and not wanting two piles to clean up in there we opened the garage and made another trip to the back yard.
Maybe they will hear me open and close it now? (nope)
There was a packing blanket and a couple small fleece blankets in my car, no keys, but one of the back doors was left open (busted motor on the lock, so have to do it by hand) it set the alarm off, but that was just flashing lights (not that anyone would have done anything about the horn going off with all likely hood given my luck).
So now I had a packing blanket and two tiny (very small) bits of fleece fabric. I wrapped up in those and had a much more comfortable last hour or so. Still cold but at least my feet were starting to get some feeling back in them. Dogs settled once, and I was out just after 6 am.
Sure - I could have done this or that or should have tried this or that or why didn't. Well i didn't. I did what i did for whatever reason.
I'm pretty freaking tired though. I fell asleep before dinner for a few minutes, my nose has progressively gotten runnier and runnier, congestion is setting in.
Given the dog's GI stress I probably wouldn't have gotten much sleep anyway, but I wouldn't have had to have been cold.
I CAN'T EVEN BLAME THIS ON DRINKING! Holy shit though yesterday I was ready to start again, or at least found the one situation where I did drink to cope as a mechanism that went beyond just drinking.
This morning was maybe medicine, or meditation or something. Oddly transformative in some weird way. It has been really strange. i did almost deleted the whole thread. Probably should have, I didn't realize my FIL is following along over there, not sure how he felt about it, but everyone seemed to want to know all about it here. Whatever friction was there, oddly it was a nice way to be a public dumbass and engage people with a crazy story, about spending 3 hours in the cold with your dogs locked out of your in-laws house, on christmas morning.
Nose is running - sinus pressure could go either way, we were maybe going to drive back tomorrow but i'm tired (not sure why i'm typing this right now, this late, i'm tired - maybe ensuring i can fall asleep when i turn the lights out?) and after this morning one more day hanging out - sleep in - be low key, maybe cook food for everyone, vacation a bit here with the family before heading back north.
The dogs are zonked out, i think it took as much out of them as it did me.
On to the next adventure.
till then,
heddwch
G
But damnit the real reason I started to write this I haven't even gotten to.
Heading back here after dinner at the other house, i got in the car to warm it up, transmission is a bit cranky when cold, and took out the hardwired CD and popped in and cued up one of the few christmas songs I can stand and love. The Pogues Fairytale of New York. Youngest gets in with E and the song starts and she knows the words, and the melody, WHAT? HOW IS thiS POSSIBLE WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS MIRACLE IS THIS???? We sang it together, then we sang it again.
I was given this album on a cassette tape, middle school maybe? I didn't ever wear that tape out but I know every note, que and lyric on the whole thing, and here is my youngest kid SINGING ALONG WITH ME "you scum bag you maggot you..." yeah all of it, I guess there's a bit of history to explain to make sure she understands the meanings and the layers to the politics involved in writing the song but that can way, a proud dad can sit here and still grin about the fact that even as odd as it found a spot on a rotation where she's listened to it enough to be able to sing along in tune, on cue with it, so stoked. Merry Christmas.
merry christmas
g
This morning i made sure I headed along that path.
BTW - Merry Christmas and all that. Happy all that to you and yours even if you don't celebrate formally, it is hard to avoid the holiday here in the US, one way or another.
What so special about this morning?
Kind of better to follow in tweet form.
A thread: https://twitter.com/Ge_Willi/status/1077483353463554049?s=19
Yeah, I locked myself out of my In-laws house, at 3:20 or so this morning. The little white dog was insistent on going outside. I put on some pants, a t-shirt and headed out. The gates on the back yard are old and not always closed "Always check the gates" that and the dogs were fucking FLYING out the door and off the porch and i really didn't want them to be going after something i might have to deal with. And so i followed them out after opening the dead bolt and heading out. With my phone for some reason. Door went 'click' behind me, dogs were just pooping, walked back and... locked. Ah fuck. It is 30F and i'm barefoot in a t-shirt and everyone is asleep. Fun times.
I knew i had put the garage door code in my phone a few years back so I could get in and out w/o a front door key, no problem right? Go open the garage! Had to find the code, the correct one. Turns out I have a bunch of different alarm codes, all mysterious 4 digit numbers, which fucking one was it.
Figured that out, with relief, went to open the door from the garage into the laundry room.
IT.
WAS.
LOCKED.
Well... fuck.
Knocked on the door, it made a shit ton of racket opening, maybe someone will hear. Nope. Silence. Everyone was TIRED. I guess.
Went to get the dogs into the garage, but no leashes, and who knows what out there for them to chase, so that was a bit of fun going from the back yard to the garage. But hey they went right to the door, and I closed it, hoping someone would hear the door making noise again. Nope.
At least it was a little warmer in there. but upper 40s still isn't exactly comfortable when you aren't dressed for it or working out intensely. I opened and closed the door partially a few times, maybe it would wake them up. Nope.
Called and texted my wife, her phone is usually on vibrate, it makes enough noise that she/we usually hear it. Nope. Make it even better since she was even worse sick wise she went to sleep in a different room and well no one to miss me not coming back in. Texted the rest of the house. For some reason I didn't call the house number. Guess the back of my monkey brain was thinking if they can't hear this monster racket of the door opening, they aren't going to hear the phone.
Time crept on. Eventually little white dog had to shit again, she started doing laps around the new used car in there and I heard a splat and then had a calm dog and a wickked bad stink of dog shit to cope with. Awesome, something to clean up if we ever get out of here. They all were going to mass, they'll wake up eventually.
Dogs were cold. And confused. There was a bit of movement, mice maybe, in there to entertain the black dog, but white dog was cold too. I got coal I guess. My punishment for being such a horrible person is being stuck out in the cold freezing my damn ass off.
Well white dog got a bit agitated again, she wasn't looking comfortable and not wanting two piles to clean up in there we opened the garage and made another trip to the back yard.
Maybe they will hear me open and close it now? (nope)
There was a packing blanket and a couple small fleece blankets in my car, no keys, but one of the back doors was left open (busted motor on the lock, so have to do it by hand) it set the alarm off, but that was just flashing lights (not that anyone would have done anything about the horn going off with all likely hood given my luck).
So now I had a packing blanket and two tiny (very small) bits of fleece fabric. I wrapped up in those and had a much more comfortable last hour or so. Still cold but at least my feet were starting to get some feeling back in them. Dogs settled once, and I was out just after 6 am.
Sure - I could have done this or that or should have tried this or that or why didn't. Well i didn't. I did what i did for whatever reason.
I'm pretty freaking tired though. I fell asleep before dinner for a few minutes, my nose has progressively gotten runnier and runnier, congestion is setting in.
Given the dog's GI stress I probably wouldn't have gotten much sleep anyway, but I wouldn't have had to have been cold.
I CAN'T EVEN BLAME THIS ON DRINKING! Holy shit though yesterday I was ready to start again, or at least found the one situation where I did drink to cope as a mechanism that went beyond just drinking.
This morning was maybe medicine, or meditation or something. Oddly transformative in some weird way. It has been really strange. i did almost deleted the whole thread. Probably should have, I didn't realize my FIL is following along over there, not sure how he felt about it, but everyone seemed to want to know all about it here. Whatever friction was there, oddly it was a nice way to be a public dumbass and engage people with a crazy story, about spending 3 hours in the cold with your dogs locked out of your in-laws house, on christmas morning.
Nose is running - sinus pressure could go either way, we were maybe going to drive back tomorrow but i'm tired (not sure why i'm typing this right now, this late, i'm tired - maybe ensuring i can fall asleep when i turn the lights out?) and after this morning one more day hanging out - sleep in - be low key, maybe cook food for everyone, vacation a bit here with the family before heading back north.
The dogs are zonked out, i think it took as much out of them as it did me.
On to the next adventure.
till then,
heddwch
G
But damnit the real reason I started to write this I haven't even gotten to.
Heading back here after dinner at the other house, i got in the car to warm it up, transmission is a bit cranky when cold, and took out the hardwired CD and popped in and cued up one of the few christmas songs I can stand and love. The Pogues Fairytale of New York. Youngest gets in with E and the song starts and she knows the words, and the melody, WHAT? HOW IS thiS POSSIBLE WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS MIRACLE IS THIS???? We sang it together, then we sang it again.
I was given this album on a cassette tape, middle school maybe? I didn't ever wear that tape out but I know every note, que and lyric on the whole thing, and here is my youngest kid SINGING ALONG WITH ME "you scum bag you maggot you..." yeah all of it, I guess there's a bit of history to explain to make sure she understands the meanings and the layers to the politics involved in writing the song but that can way, a proud dad can sit here and still grin about the fact that even as odd as it found a spot on a rotation where she's listened to it enough to be able to sing along in tune, on cue with it, so stoked. Merry Christmas.
merry christmas
g
Thursday, December 20, 2018
What a week -edit w/extra
I survived last week, in much better shape than ever before.
came back with a solid good feeling.
Jinxed myself with the whole having a huge bladder, but then that day was an early one with lots of water and coffee and 4+ hours between opportunities to take a leak.
Played music. Took some snapshots with my phone.
Massive panic at the airport when I realized about 10 min after I got out of the car that my phone was in the car. That was pretty terrifying. I don't have my mother's cell phone number memorized, besides where the fuck was i going to find a phone to use to call her with? And my boarding pass, and contacting ANYONE about getting picked up or that i'm okay or yeah i'm sure you can fill in the blanks. I had taken it out of my pocket when i got out of the car. Got distracted with the good bye to my mother and boom walked into the airport, into the bathroom, and halfway to check in bags before I realized I didn't have my phone, panic retrace to bathroom then dread and terror took over when i realized oh shit it is in the car.
Fortunately my phone was on, and even MORE so, I got a spam call BEFORE my mother left the drop off zone. So she waited. Was there when I came back out.
Kind of magically amazingly guardian angel like crazy.
Got my phone and had a really solid rest of the trip. Got on the first flight with the extra time folks, got the violin stored and an Exit row window. Finished a book, watched most of a movie, got to Chicago midway and my back was only slightly fucked. Sat on the other side of the plane at the window for the flight from there to PVD, watched Ready Player One (differed from the book by a good bit but close enough that I'll let it slip) got home.
Picked up not in my wife's preferred vehicle, the minivan, so i was already bracing myself that something was fucked up with the van.
Sure enough - check engine light. Wish I could have found time to get it inspected BEFORE the trip. Code should be there still, hopefully nothing too crazy, or at least hopefully something that can be resolved easily? Maybe? We'll see.
Cold but clear and dry on the bike in this morning. Not bad.
A lot to think about from this week, we'll see how it settles and shakes out.
Confirmation, my dad is a selfish asshole and making my brother's life kind of a miserable hell, but he's still our dad and well. yeah. He has Atypical Parkinsonism. If he had gotten his shoulders replaced before it set in he might not be in such bad shape, as it is both shoulders are pretty fucked up and well the disease has progressed a bit and he's starting to have a little bit of cognitive decline, so who knows how long. Which is why when he was diagnosed in CO with parkinsons that he got worse on the drugs. Hey it wasn't actual PD. And we're at year 3 of it.
So I'm going to look at trying to get out there sooner than later to spend more time there. Unfortunately there's not a good window to get out there with teaching this spring, but there is one, and i'll start keeping an eye on ticket prices, hopefully i can work in a day spent on the bike too.
Well, now back to catching up from being gone, even though everyone here is mostly gone, still a pile of shit to do.
Even more to do at home, even without the potential unknown issue with the minivan.
There's probably a bit more rattling around to say but I am going to grab some lunch and get back to everything else.
Heddwch
G
--post publish--
Cyclocross Nationals.
I did actually manage to wake up early enough and my Brother's really spotty internet worked well enough to see the Women's race. Timing didn't work to see the Men's race, or anything on Saturday, or anything before the women's race.
So I watched that. I caught some of the feeds, but I had to mute a few people and unfollow others. Had. To. And it worked. I don't matter to them, easier for me to deal if I don't stay connected or get reminders. Although one of the unfollows keeps popping back up in twitter, too many cross over people and the algorithm sends the tweets to my feed. I hadn't muted this group before, unfollowed once before but had followed back again, maybe a mistake.
It was also helpful being on the west coast and so out of sync with everything even on that time zone.
Did I wish i was there in L'ville? Yes. But also totally okay without being there. Def glad I didn't race.
I did find myself thinking that maybe USAC should put a 3 day restriction on races. No more than 3 days or 1500 racers can ride one course/year/month something. esp when it is wet and muddy. Although yes that is part of the course and conditions and it is cyclocross and it is supposed to be hard and running is a big part of it. And yes, like at Fruitlands, it was faster to run and if you wanted to win and do well you needed to get off the bike when it was faster to run and not be a stupid butthead and find the fun in riding it all even if it was slower.
I might wrap more ideas up about that part of last week later. I do need to check to see what the dates are for next year and see how it fits into the whole Yuletide concert process.
NOW i'm going to get lunch - even after a long phone call talking microscopes.
came back with a solid good feeling.
Jinxed myself with the whole having a huge bladder, but then that day was an early one with lots of water and coffee and 4+ hours between opportunities to take a leak.
Played music. Took some snapshots with my phone.
Massive panic at the airport when I realized about 10 min after I got out of the car that my phone was in the car. That was pretty terrifying. I don't have my mother's cell phone number memorized, besides where the fuck was i going to find a phone to use to call her with? And my boarding pass, and contacting ANYONE about getting picked up or that i'm okay or yeah i'm sure you can fill in the blanks. I had taken it out of my pocket when i got out of the car. Got distracted with the good bye to my mother and boom walked into the airport, into the bathroom, and halfway to check in bags before I realized I didn't have my phone, panic retrace to bathroom then dread and terror took over when i realized oh shit it is in the car.
Fortunately my phone was on, and even MORE so, I got a spam call BEFORE my mother left the drop off zone. So she waited. Was there when I came back out.
Kind of magically amazingly guardian angel like crazy.
Got my phone and had a really solid rest of the trip. Got on the first flight with the extra time folks, got the violin stored and an Exit row window. Finished a book, watched most of a movie, got to Chicago midway and my back was only slightly fucked. Sat on the other side of the plane at the window for the flight from there to PVD, watched Ready Player One (differed from the book by a good bit but close enough that I'll let it slip) got home.
Picked up not in my wife's preferred vehicle, the minivan, so i was already bracing myself that something was fucked up with the van.
Sure enough - check engine light. Wish I could have found time to get it inspected BEFORE the trip. Code should be there still, hopefully nothing too crazy, or at least hopefully something that can be resolved easily? Maybe? We'll see.
Cold but clear and dry on the bike in this morning. Not bad.
A lot to think about from this week, we'll see how it settles and shakes out.
Confirmation, my dad is a selfish asshole and making my brother's life kind of a miserable hell, but he's still our dad and well. yeah. He has Atypical Parkinsonism. If he had gotten his shoulders replaced before it set in he might not be in such bad shape, as it is both shoulders are pretty fucked up and well the disease has progressed a bit and he's starting to have a little bit of cognitive decline, so who knows how long. Which is why when he was diagnosed in CO with parkinsons that he got worse on the drugs. Hey it wasn't actual PD. And we're at year 3 of it.
Atypical Parkinsonism TreatmentHe's got a twice a week PT with someone who only works with PD patients, and plenty of other doctor stuff, but like the quote there from Johns Hopkins, what is there to do? not much. If symptoms worsen much further he may need more care than can be provided at home.
Although research is deepening medical understanding of these disorders, atypical Parkinsonian disorders are progressive and as yet there are no treatments that effect a cure.
Supportive physical and occupational therapies can help patients cope with their symptoms, and maximizing the patient’s ability to swallow is particularly important. Psychiatric and other specific manifestations of these diseases may respond to medication.
So I'm going to look at trying to get out there sooner than later to spend more time there. Unfortunately there's not a good window to get out there with teaching this spring, but there is one, and i'll start keeping an eye on ticket prices, hopefully i can work in a day spent on the bike too.
Well, now back to catching up from being gone, even though everyone here is mostly gone, still a pile of shit to do.
Even more to do at home, even without the potential unknown issue with the minivan.
There's probably a bit more rattling around to say but I am going to grab some lunch and get back to everything else.
Heddwch
G
--post publish--
Cyclocross Nationals.
I did actually manage to wake up early enough and my Brother's really spotty internet worked well enough to see the Women's race. Timing didn't work to see the Men's race, or anything on Saturday, or anything before the women's race.
So I watched that. I caught some of the feeds, but I had to mute a few people and unfollow others. Had. To. And it worked. I don't matter to them, easier for me to deal if I don't stay connected or get reminders. Although one of the unfollows keeps popping back up in twitter, too many cross over people and the algorithm sends the tweets to my feed. I hadn't muted this group before, unfollowed once before but had followed back again, maybe a mistake.
It was also helpful being on the west coast and so out of sync with everything even on that time zone.
Did I wish i was there in L'ville? Yes. But also totally okay without being there. Def glad I didn't race.
I did find myself thinking that maybe USAC should put a 3 day restriction on races. No more than 3 days or 1500 racers can ride one course/year/month something. esp when it is wet and muddy. Although yes that is part of the course and conditions and it is cyclocross and it is supposed to be hard and running is a big part of it. And yes, like at Fruitlands, it was faster to run and if you wanted to win and do well you needed to get off the bike when it was faster to run and not be a stupid butthead and find the fun in riding it all even if it was slower.
I might wrap more ideas up about that part of last week later. I do need to check to see what the dates are for next year and see how it fits into the whole Yuletide concert process.
NOW i'm going to get lunch - even after a long phone call talking microscopes.
Thursday, December 13, 2018
inflight thoughts - plus some extras
We have 29 minutes left in flight, i’ve had three waters, finished my water bottle, three cups of coffee and haven’t moved from my seat.
talk about extended bladder range.
Years ago when my father bought his first F150 when he retired the Econoline van i grew up in and he drove to DC, he got the one with two fuel tanks. He also eventually got an escort station wagon, commuting in the big truck was less than ideal but the truck worked for everything else he did.
Including driving to Colorado to pick us up or to go on camping trips. Yeah about the CO pick up, that’ll have to wait for another story. Two fuel tanks. That’s some serious range. One fuel tank usually was enough to force a stop well before needed. Two, mean that anyone but my dad and my brother’s would need to stop and relieve their bladder well before the truck needed gas.
That truck got totaled one summer day, Fortunately it was on a local grocery run and only one or two of us were with our dad, and everyone was wearing a seatbelt. Brenin was stoked and confused about the Firemen giving him a lollypop for wearing his seatbelt. Normally when the four of us travel with him, two of us were in the bed of the truck under the cap. We grew up there in the back of that truck, not literally, but we spent enough time back there on the army surplus canvas wrapped open cell foam pads bouncing around in the heat and the noise that it seemed normal. That second truck? Well either due to availability or spec, the baseline truck with manual transmission and hand crank windows and vinyl bench seats, well, there was only one tank. And my Step mother couldn’t have been happier. Finally a reason to stop and get out of the truck on road trips at a reasonably interval.
It is pretty strange headed back to Seattle/PacNW with my dad now living out there. 40 years ago he left. My mother had fallen in love with my step father, my dad was drinking as much or more than any of us did/have/do and and well they got divorced, he stopped drinking, started smoking instead but not in front of us, we spent some time with him at his apartment before he left. We were little, he was ill-equiped to deal with us, having pretty much zero interaction with the other three, and with me? Many many local fishing trips, where we’d catch lots of fish, he’d drink constantly, I didn’t noticed it, mind it, see any issue with it, but reflecting yeah it was there. I saw a very different view of him than anyone else. Sheltered in many ways, it developed a strange non-talking relationship, that none of my other brothers have with him. Heck my wife got him talking non-stop driving down from somewhere one year. We spent three days driving to Colorado and had one, maybe two conversations that lasted more than a explaination of where we were or a memory of his trips through there.
It was his last trip through and maybe I wanted it to be his trip, i wanted to talk but didn’t. Wanted to tell him everything that had happened, how someone broke up one of the more infamous mid-pack masters teams and the story behind that.
I never did.
Once he was there my brother’s started flying out to help, the first three I missed. The first was fun for them but kind of last minute, I had other commitments I couldnt get out of, all the trips were either last minute or impossible to make work for me. On their second one he started opening up to my brothers about the troubles with my step mother that lead to his divorcing her and ultimately left him alone with failing health in the middle of nowhere colorado.
Talking with my brother after I landed and on my way here, I got a better glimpse into my dad’s decline. Talking with my dad on the phone on his 80th birthday sunday was tough, he had changed, mentally not the same, weird verbal patterns. But my brother filled in a bit more, but no one has really given me the full medical story. I don’t think my dad is capable of doing that, and he’s always been adverse to medical care, and watching over the years his doctors have been high profile pill pushers, I’m fairly certain all the cholesterol drugs and other macro indicator adjusting pills he was taking contributed to the neurological decline. Goal is to make sure I have a chance to pry out of my brother or his wife more what the docs are saying.
So even now, not much has change, I’ve been kept at an arms distance to the actual what is going on, Probably not deliberate but when something is this complicated and no on has been able to get you the full history where do you start?
I’m sitting here, in the studio, looking out at the trees I planted in the early 90s, in a part of the field that was 2” of topsoil over clay, they took years to establish themsleves but now they are 3-4 stories tall and laden with cones. A bit tightly planted, intended to thin them at some point, but they are self regulating now. The alder trees are totally moss covered and a barrier to the ancient douglas fir on the top of magic hill. it is quiet. the rain is falling. I didn’t go to sleep until 11pm or so work up when it got light and then fell back asleep until 8-830. Made coffee… there’s no wifi down here, but that may be a good thing. I can read and write off line drinking coffee and having some quiet. My oldest kid is sleeping down here in the studio. We’ve got our space and the concerts are coming up tomorrow and well like my brother said - there’s really nothing different, we’ve been doing this same pattern for a long time now, it is routine. There are variables in play that are different this year but shouldn’t perturb the pattern too much.
Time to post before I add too much more.
heddwch
G
Tuesday, December 11, 2018
pick it up put it down
one thing after another
thing is I never stop
some tasks are annoying but gratifying when done, some are good just doing them, but there are so many of them, so much to do, that yes my mind often wanders to what has to get done and then also what isn't getting done that needs to but gets left behind. Like cleaning the bike room and looking for a few bits and parts and re-organizing it so I can get all the fucking bikes in there w/o jamming them together. Or just cleaning shit up. Not great at that. but mostly i know where stuff is. Case in point i knew where ONE of the bottom bracket adapters was, just not where the other one is.
starting tomorrow morning things are going to be non-stop crazy until i get home at 1 in the morning (i'm calling it the 19th but I guess technically it is the 20th but SO GLAD IT ISN'T A RED EYE).
Why? This, the same thing we do every year. Combine Pinky and the Brain with Groundhog day and you've got the big weekend at http://magicalstrings.com/YT_2018.htm yup. Very much like Groundhog day. each time we tweak it a little. Last year Marshall was sober and I was drinking more vodka than beer (never felt better there) and now this year we're both sober and my oldest kid is coming and it is the 40th AND my dad just turned 80 on Sunday and yeah. Fucking CRAZY.
40th isn't a big deal right? No, not a big deal, Who cares, it is just a number.
That's what I was told when my 40th got borked by my sister's wedding. I had already started planning 12 months out, this birthday was going to be the one that turned it around for me and made me take the first step towards making the day a good one, a step to start reversing the curse. And 4 months after that, well my sister announced that she's getting married and they are getting married a day before/after/i forget around my birthday. And yeah we've gotta fly the whole family out and she was very needed and self centered (she's mellowed a bit since) and inflexible and well, yeah added extra suck to more suck. Just another shitty birthday. It is just a number, who cares, why is it such a big deal for you? Because I've always seen it be made a big deal for others? esp 40th and 50th. Why? I don't fucking know. Although I do know and can logic out why they are such big markers and all that. And well this shit, yeah - there's a huge layer of PTSD lingering beneath the surface with this anniversary. But hey - the concerts are always good and people in the audience are wonderful and nice and say nice things and do express genuine thanks for us being there. It is kind of cool to be a tradition for many people, esp this time of year. There aren't many who've been to every concert, besides us on stage, but it is a pretty fucking big deal to have carried on this tradition so many years in a row.
A hell of a lot of work, but a big deal.
I may have found some motivation for pedaling in the spring:
https://micoasttocoast.com/
Pretty cheap per-mile race/ride. Downside, logistics, getting there, and getting in shape for a gravel double hundo.
But i had been thinking about a double hundo for June anyway. This might be kind of fucking perfect. I should make sure I talk myself out of doing it on a Single speed. Gears would be good. The Crockett with the monster tires would be likely the best bike for it. Although the gearing on the Klein is totally good, but body would be better on the crockett for that long.
Tempting, need a BikeReg sniper software, register me before it closes if I don't before then, with the event capped at 550 and they are already at 211...
well - more later - plugging on - hating the process - not finding good results but keep on keeping on..
"Carry Wood"
i like that
heddwch
G
thing is I never stop
some tasks are annoying but gratifying when done, some are good just doing them, but there are so many of them, so much to do, that yes my mind often wanders to what has to get done and then also what isn't getting done that needs to but gets left behind. Like cleaning the bike room and looking for a few bits and parts and re-organizing it so I can get all the fucking bikes in there w/o jamming them together. Or just cleaning shit up. Not great at that. but mostly i know where stuff is. Case in point i knew where ONE of the bottom bracket adapters was, just not where the other one is.
starting tomorrow morning things are going to be non-stop crazy until i get home at 1 in the morning (i'm calling it the 19th but I guess technically it is the 20th but SO GLAD IT ISN'T A RED EYE).
Why? This, the same thing we do every year. Combine Pinky and the Brain with Groundhog day and you've got the big weekend at http://magicalstrings.com/YT_2018.htm yup. Very much like Groundhog day. each time we tweak it a little. Last year Marshall was sober and I was drinking more vodka than beer (never felt better there) and now this year we're both sober and my oldest kid is coming and it is the 40th AND my dad just turned 80 on Sunday and yeah. Fucking CRAZY.
40th isn't a big deal right? No, not a big deal, Who cares, it is just a number.
That's what I was told when my 40th got borked by my sister's wedding. I had already started planning 12 months out, this birthday was going to be the one that turned it around for me and made me take the first step towards making the day a good one, a step to start reversing the curse. And 4 months after that, well my sister announced that she's getting married and they are getting married a day before/after/i forget around my birthday. And yeah we've gotta fly the whole family out and she was very needed and self centered (she's mellowed a bit since) and inflexible and well, yeah added extra suck to more suck. Just another shitty birthday. It is just a number, who cares, why is it such a big deal for you? Because I've always seen it be made a big deal for others? esp 40th and 50th. Why? I don't fucking know. Although I do know and can logic out why they are such big markers and all that. And well this shit, yeah - there's a huge layer of PTSD lingering beneath the surface with this anniversary. But hey - the concerts are always good and people in the audience are wonderful and nice and say nice things and do express genuine thanks for us being there. It is kind of cool to be a tradition for many people, esp this time of year. There aren't many who've been to every concert, besides us on stage, but it is a pretty fucking big deal to have carried on this tradition so many years in a row.
A hell of a lot of work, but a big deal.
I may have found some motivation for pedaling in the spring:
https://micoasttocoast.com/
Pretty cheap per-mile race/ride. Downside, logistics, getting there, and getting in shape for a gravel double hundo.
But i had been thinking about a double hundo for June anyway. This might be kind of fucking perfect. I should make sure I talk myself out of doing it on a Single speed. Gears would be good. The Crockett with the monster tires would be likely the best bike for it. Although the gearing on the Klein is totally good, but body would be better on the crockett for that long.
Tempting, need a BikeReg sniper software, register me before it closes if I don't before then, with the event capped at 550 and they are already at 211...
well - more later - plugging on - hating the process - not finding good results but keep on keeping on..
"Carry Wood"
i like that
heddwch
G
Monday, December 10, 2018
13 kids
A teacher friend brought 13 of his science class kids and they were awesome, and me forcing into the engaging mode engaged them and then it fed back and i felt good. mentally much better after that.
also pretty productive getting shit done.
avoiding the "social" or anti-social media
making the fire, making it nice and warm
starting to put the season of a dozen races away
So few amazing races, good times seeing people and it was a good season back
but still that wanting - the frustration - can't remove it - but that's good, hopefully it'll fire up the motivation to be in a better place next year.
May just need to stick to the SSCX totally, even if it means driving to one or two more races and maybe only going to spectate at the big ones.
But that is a long time from now.
A lot to accomplish in the next 24 hrs
books are downloaded, music not so much, will have to work on that.
now i'm going to work on sleeping
after I load up the stove for the overnight run
heddwch
G
also pretty productive getting shit done.
avoiding the "social" or anti-social media
making the fire, making it nice and warm
starting to put the season of a dozen races away
So few amazing races, good times seeing people and it was a good season back
but still that wanting - the frustration - can't remove it - but that's good, hopefully it'll fire up the motivation to be in a better place next year.
May just need to stick to the SSCX totally, even if it means driving to one or two more races and maybe only going to spectate at the big ones.
But that is a long time from now.
A lot to accomplish in the next 24 hrs
books are downloaded, music not so much, will have to work on that.
now i'm going to work on sleeping
after I load up the stove for the overnight run
heddwch
G
natural reaction
is to just completely close off - why? i dunno, because that's what is needed? Or that's what has worked, although does it work, if by doing it eventually things switch then past results would say yes it works.
But this "healing" process is pretty dumb, i don't trust it and I'm not sure it really works.
Just sucks to be hitting these last two days of being absolutely insane here with the same time as trying to make everything ready and then having the importance of 40th "anything" being the absolute up and coming topic brings a shit ton of PTSD trauma back.
I found a new bruise on the back of my leg from Saturday's race.
I'm not ready for the season to be over, not stoked to be missing nationals even though I don't ever want to race it again.
I guess I gotta find my other bottom bracket adapter and stick an old square taper crank in the black blue to make a long haul bike for the up coming challenge.
The #6moHundo half wanting to add the NECX tag but fuck that, who cares, no one else will do it, i'm only doing it to pin some hope on sanity.
Time to talk about microscopes
heddwch
G
But this "healing" process is pretty dumb, i don't trust it and I'm not sure it really works.
Just sucks to be hitting these last two days of being absolutely insane here with the same time as trying to make everything ready and then having the importance of 40th "anything" being the absolute up and coming topic brings a shit ton of PTSD trauma back.
I found a new bruise on the back of my leg from Saturday's race.
I'm not ready for the season to be over, not stoked to be missing nationals even though I don't ever want to race it again.
I guess I gotta find my other bottom bracket adapter and stick an old square taper crank in the black blue to make a long haul bike for the up coming challenge.
The #6moHundo half wanting to add the NECX tag but fuck that, who cares, no one else will do it, i'm only doing it to pin some hope on sanity.
Time to talk about microscopes
heddwch
G
Saturday, December 08, 2018
well that wasn't quite right
I have been meaning to write about the complete train wreck and wrecking of me and the course that my race was at NBX day 2. I managed fine, no big deal. was def tired monday. got progressively more exhausted and frustrated with the week as it went on. Thurs was pretty shitty, friday marginally better, but mostly not great.
Tried to race today. Ice Weasels. You know the big party race at the end of the year, tons of handup, all the beer, no USAC. Also the big final race of the Zanc Single speed series.
I usually can't make it to them, it winds up on the weekend i'm in seattle. not this year.
I was pretty beat up by the big crash, thought i was good. Right now, not feeling so much. Hand hurts again, i got in a bit of a bumper car at the first bottle neck when Griggs slammed Stearns into me, tweaked my back. And I just fucking had nothing. Rode an okay first lap then just couldn't pedal hard. Mind, legs, just not in it.
Felt off the whole day, probably should have just stayed home. Still feeling off. It was awesome seeing Shoogs, seeing JLS, handful of others, but it wasn't enough to shake the cloud.
But cross is over.
The season was good, it was good to be back, I'm still pretty frustrated with being slow but also not training wasn't helping, life has been off the hook crazy, and some friends take that as an offense. I can't argue with them, don't want to explain that I don't have time for me and their frustration expression makes it worse.
I'll get through, I've got the motivation to work towards next year, hopefully I can implement it. But I'm def a lone wolf, a wolf that used to have a pack, but doesn't and can't figure it out. The old pack wasn't a perfect fit, was easy for it to get pulled apart from two sides. Not a great way to try to describe it I guess, but somewhat function if a bit of liberty with the parallel. - coming back to edit this- during the shower I got thinking, and can't really describe it well, the idea that I really never quite figure out what makes me happy although i try to go towards it but wind up somewhere else, but that is the pattern of my life - kind of used to it. maybe someday i'll figure it all out.
But..
For now...
I'll keep wandering, work on not being such a pathetic waste on the bike. Get back to being a mediocre mid-pack master.
It is time to get back to cramming in everything I need to do before flying to Seattle. going to shower and eat maybe watch a movie, maybe read some more of the book, -edit- going to skip the movie and get in bed after the shower and read.
I'm tired... but can't rest. Maybe i'll fall asleep on the plane in a couple days.
heddwch
G
Tried to race today. Ice Weasels. You know the big party race at the end of the year, tons of handup, all the beer, no USAC. Also the big final race of the Zanc Single speed series.
I usually can't make it to them, it winds up on the weekend i'm in seattle. not this year.
I was pretty beat up by the big crash, thought i was good. Right now, not feeling so much. Hand hurts again, i got in a bit of a bumper car at the first bottle neck when Griggs slammed Stearns into me, tweaked my back. And I just fucking had nothing. Rode an okay first lap then just couldn't pedal hard. Mind, legs, just not in it.
Felt off the whole day, probably should have just stayed home. Still feeling off. It was awesome seeing Shoogs, seeing JLS, handful of others, but it wasn't enough to shake the cloud.
But cross is over.
The season was good, it was good to be back, I'm still pretty frustrated with being slow but also not training wasn't helping, life has been off the hook crazy, and some friends take that as an offense. I can't argue with them, don't want to explain that I don't have time for me and their frustration expression makes it worse.
I'll get through, I've got the motivation to work towards next year, hopefully I can implement it. But I'm def a lone wolf, a wolf that used to have a pack, but doesn't and can't figure it out. The old pack wasn't a perfect fit, was easy for it to get pulled apart from two sides. Not a great way to try to describe it I guess, but somewhat function if a bit of liberty with the parallel. - coming back to edit this- during the shower I got thinking, and can't really describe it well, the idea that I really never quite figure out what makes me happy although i try to go towards it but wind up somewhere else, but that is the pattern of my life - kind of used to it. maybe someday i'll figure it all out.
But..
For now...
I'll keep wandering, work on not being such a pathetic waste on the bike. Get back to being a mediocre mid-pack master.
It is time to get back to cramming in everything I need to do before flying to Seattle. going to shower and eat maybe watch a movie, maybe read some more of the book, -edit- going to skip the movie and get in bed after the shower and read.
I'm tired... but can't rest. Maybe i'll fall asleep on the plane in a couple days.
heddwch
G
Saturday, December 01, 2018
NBX GP of CX
In the past I've had to bail on helping both days set up. When I've done that I've had miserable races. Or been wrecked and useless each night.
You can't screw up your legs if you don't have any to start with. AKA no amount of grunt work, staring with leaf blowing and then putting in stakes for a 2 mile course, shagging metal fencing or wrapping the lower tape line, and the upper tape line on a decent amount of the course. I forget what else we did, but it was a lot of walking and bending. Only a handful of wooden stakes were used, mostly in the field. I wangered half of the right hand line Thursday night in the dark with Joel Brown. I think finished that up on Friday.
I did an okay job of pacing myself. Thursday we got started around 9, took me an hour of driving to get there, took a 10 min break when the pizza got there at 2:30 and worked until about 5-5:30. Not a hugely long day but the six of us got nearly all the course build and that was pretty nice. Got there Friday and started taping right off the bat after another stupid long traffic fraught drive. Had shitty traffic on the way home too both days.
Friday we didn't even break for lunch. There was some pizza left over, it froze in the trailer overnight and well, I had a couple pieces when CXhairs Bill showed up then one more when we had to get something out of the trailer to finish up a few things. But I drank a lot of water. Sat down once though. Well i did sit in the Gator driving that thing around with the pedal to the floor. Gave Bill a quick tour of the first part of the course down to the beach run start. That was kind of fun blasting through the course at full speed with the gator. Raked a bunch put up more tape, really moved a ton of orange fencing and wrapped up after 6 pm, finishing stuff well into the dark.
AND THEN I RODE THE COURSE! On the e-bike, the crossrip+. It was a blast. I could ride EVERYTHING. Well I couldn't ride the stairs and the beach run and that was a bitch to get up all the stairs. But everything else was cake. And even with the slick commuter tires I could ride it all. Kind of gave me a glimpse of what it would be like to effortlessly lay down 350 watts at a whim. And in a surprising turn it was more motivating to train than it was depressing or derailing.
Based on my pre-ride and two days setting up the course I bailed on trying to ride before the race today. Instead I worked the course crossing, yelled at people for doing stuff they weren't supposed to, got a tongue lashing from people for yelling at them, even though the weren't listening to me or others and that's why it elevated to yelling. I moved more course stuff, I did some other important errands and eventually got ready to race. About 20 min before the start.
I got two or three hard start loop efforts in, and then hung out with Hale and Big sexy and CTodd in a row, with little Geo behind me.
I raced the single speed. I put just under 20 in the front, just about 20 psi in the rear and I FLOATED over the roots. Didn't bottom out or smash anything, granted I kind of knew the roots pretty well and was able to float and pedal at the same time and that seems kind of like a difficult thing to do for most people. I had a slow first lap but was still in a bunch of traffic. Actually was racing people the whole time, and that was kind of awesome. Hugh took off and left me alone but that's okay. He still got lapped. The leaders were SCREAMING fast. But only three people lapped me. And I was happy to get lapped today.
Means one less lap of suffering to repair from for tomorrow. I got done, did a handful of other stuff, talked with some folks, eventually wound up in the pits working for Jane Rossi. She destroyed her rear wheel, like holy shit it was DESTROYED, but she rode it in swapped bikes and still finished in the points. Hoping for a better day tomorrow with more adverse conditions and a better feel for it all. Many days the second day of a C1 sees a drop off in rider attendance but I don't think it will be that much tomorrow.
Going to try and get there early and get a lap before the first race just so I can get an idea of the course in that flow direction. It probably will be less than ideal for SSCX, a bit straighter it looks like for day two. But It really felt good just to be on the single speed. The start was a bit slow for me compared to normal, I went from Over-geared to under geared before the left hand turn towards the woods. But it also meant I had a more conservative start and didn't wind up riding with guys for a lap who turn a minute/lap faster times than I do (and then I blow up). I had a steady decrease in lap times but not terrible.
It was good. It is supposed to start raining soon. I'm going to try and get up earlier tomorrow going to make an extra coffee and drink a ton of water before the race so I look even more bloated than I do in the race photos today (the extra 10-15 pounds I'm carrying is making me feel a bit less than stoked- that said not drinking has NOT gotten me skinnier - although I did drop 5 pounds when I stopped drinking beer). Need to ride more. That's the last bit of the puzzle to work out. Well ONE of the pieces anyway. The riding more and actually getting some 2-3 hour rides in on a regular basis, get back to a Monthly Hundo, maybe work on May as a high mileage month again, MAYBE i can get back to being in the bottom middle of the 40+ masters pack next year.
Now I'm going to get a few more things together for tomorrow and try and get some sleep. I kept waking up last night - one toe was bothering me after two days in the boots, and I just had a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep. Woke up wide away at 5am and almost just got up, but i fell back asleep and when the alarm did go off I was dreaming and groggy.
Well - till tomorrow - I had a good day, it wasn't perfect, I'm more aware of me and my screwing shit up and will work on not doing the stuff I don't like or that i notice isn't great but it is mostly my hypersensitivity and work to being better, most people probably think i'm not nearly as bad now w/o a dozen beers in me.
more pedaling - time to work on recovery and sleep
heddwch
G
You can't screw up your legs if you don't have any to start with. AKA no amount of grunt work, staring with leaf blowing and then putting in stakes for a 2 mile course, shagging metal fencing or wrapping the lower tape line, and the upper tape line on a decent amount of the course. I forget what else we did, but it was a lot of walking and bending. Only a handful of wooden stakes were used, mostly in the field. I wangered half of the right hand line Thursday night in the dark with Joel Brown. I think finished that up on Friday.
I did an okay job of pacing myself. Thursday we got started around 9, took me an hour of driving to get there, took a 10 min break when the pizza got there at 2:30 and worked until about 5-5:30. Not a hugely long day but the six of us got nearly all the course build and that was pretty nice. Got there Friday and started taping right off the bat after another stupid long traffic fraught drive. Had shitty traffic on the way home too both days.
Friday we didn't even break for lunch. There was some pizza left over, it froze in the trailer overnight and well, I had a couple pieces when CXhairs Bill showed up then one more when we had to get something out of the trailer to finish up a few things. But I drank a lot of water. Sat down once though. Well i did sit in the Gator driving that thing around with the pedal to the floor. Gave Bill a quick tour of the first part of the course down to the beach run start. That was kind of fun blasting through the course at full speed with the gator. Raked a bunch put up more tape, really moved a ton of orange fencing and wrapped up after 6 pm, finishing stuff well into the dark.
AND THEN I RODE THE COURSE! On the e-bike, the crossrip+. It was a blast. I could ride EVERYTHING. Well I couldn't ride the stairs and the beach run and that was a bitch to get up all the stairs. But everything else was cake. And even with the slick commuter tires I could ride it all. Kind of gave me a glimpse of what it would be like to effortlessly lay down 350 watts at a whim. And in a surprising turn it was more motivating to train than it was depressing or derailing.
Based on my pre-ride and two days setting up the course I bailed on trying to ride before the race today. Instead I worked the course crossing, yelled at people for doing stuff they weren't supposed to, got a tongue lashing from people for yelling at them, even though the weren't listening to me or others and that's why it elevated to yelling. I moved more course stuff, I did some other important errands and eventually got ready to race. About 20 min before the start.
I got two or three hard start loop efforts in, and then hung out with Hale and Big sexy and CTodd in a row, with little Geo behind me.
I raced the single speed. I put just under 20 in the front, just about 20 psi in the rear and I FLOATED over the roots. Didn't bottom out or smash anything, granted I kind of knew the roots pretty well and was able to float and pedal at the same time and that seems kind of like a difficult thing to do for most people. I had a slow first lap but was still in a bunch of traffic. Actually was racing people the whole time, and that was kind of awesome. Hugh took off and left me alone but that's okay. He still got lapped. The leaders were SCREAMING fast. But only three people lapped me. And I was happy to get lapped today.
Means one less lap of suffering to repair from for tomorrow. I got done, did a handful of other stuff, talked with some folks, eventually wound up in the pits working for Jane Rossi. She destroyed her rear wheel, like holy shit it was DESTROYED, but she rode it in swapped bikes and still finished in the points. Hoping for a better day tomorrow with more adverse conditions and a better feel for it all. Many days the second day of a C1 sees a drop off in rider attendance but I don't think it will be that much tomorrow.
Going to try and get there early and get a lap before the first race just so I can get an idea of the course in that flow direction. It probably will be less than ideal for SSCX, a bit straighter it looks like for day two. But It really felt good just to be on the single speed. The start was a bit slow for me compared to normal, I went from Over-geared to under geared before the left hand turn towards the woods. But it also meant I had a more conservative start and didn't wind up riding with guys for a lap who turn a minute/lap faster times than I do (and then I blow up). I had a steady decrease in lap times but not terrible.
It was good. It is supposed to start raining soon. I'm going to try and get up earlier tomorrow going to make an extra coffee and drink a ton of water before the race so I look even more bloated than I do in the race photos today (the extra 10-15 pounds I'm carrying is making me feel a bit less than stoked- that said not drinking has NOT gotten me skinnier - although I did drop 5 pounds when I stopped drinking beer). Need to ride more. That's the last bit of the puzzle to work out. Well ONE of the pieces anyway. The riding more and actually getting some 2-3 hour rides in on a regular basis, get back to a Monthly Hundo, maybe work on May as a high mileage month again, MAYBE i can get back to being in the bottom middle of the 40+ masters pack next year.
Now I'm going to get a few more things together for tomorrow and try and get some sleep. I kept waking up last night - one toe was bothering me after two days in the boots, and I just had a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep. Woke up wide away at 5am and almost just got up, but i fell back asleep and when the alarm did go off I was dreaming and groggy.
Well - till tomorrow - I had a good day, it wasn't perfect, I'm more aware of me and my screwing shit up and will work on not doing the stuff I don't like or that i notice isn't great but it is mostly my hypersensitivity and work to being better, most people probably think i'm not nearly as bad now w/o a dozen beers in me.
more pedaling - time to work on recovery and sleep
heddwch
G
Friday, November 30, 2018
Secret Squirrel SSCX and stuff
so what to say,
I had meant to start this on Sunday. I woke up bleary eyed, scrolled through notifications on the phone read them and then totally forgot about pretty much all of them - like for days - honestly. The ones that pestered me between then, well I was reminded. Why did I forget? I try not to do that, I don't have many people that still make an effort to reach out past my social handicap and I try to work on being reciprocal, but I fail quite a bit. Sunday was car day and shopping and other stuff I think. I don't remember but it was a busy day but it was good to take the momentum of the Secret Squirrel race and carry through.
And motherfucker it worked. Carried through right through even today. Tired now but not nearly anything like what I have been in the past after two days of course building. I wonder what the difference is? I'm also not feeling super tired. FOR A CHANGE HOLY SHIT!
I'm tired right now, will hopefully be able to fall asleep soon. That's such a huge difference from having to drink enough to essentially be able to pass out. Yeah, it wasn't good, and so now I'm pretty much going to have to do this for a while. And that's a good thing.
So Secret squirrel started off knowing that I needed to take the bike I haven't touched since Fruitlands and convert it back to single speed. So I did. Headed to the shop, got that done. Not I didn't just do the conversion.
I put some fat meaty tires on too. A big 45 Riddler up front and the 40 Nano that was on the front and not worn on the back. Set up was TOUGH and tight. Took a good bit of persuasion to get the Riddler to pop on and seat and be round. Unlike the Schwalbe (1st gen tubeless CX) that were too easy to put on (but held 25PSI for 4 weeks). Okay maybe they were down a bit when I changed them.
So the big tires on there, bit change. Also a tread pattern I haven't really used at all on the front.
Got my shit together, headed up. Found some parking, headed up and got number, hung out, watched a bit - didn't get shoes and stuff on until after the 123 race went off. But I was poised to hit the course as soon as they were done and got almost a full lap in, all but the tiny start/finish stretch. And the gear felt good, the course felt good, I could ride Heckle hill, I could hop all the logs and the two run ups were the two run ups. I liked the flow and got changed and pinned up and tossed on some embro.
And then eventually got started after a few parking lot laps with Eric the Viking and Matty O. Chatted while riding around, seeing all the great people of Singlespeed and CX. It was awesome. We headed eventually to the start. Got gridded up. I picked the left, kind of wanted the right but the left was the wide side of the turn and well it was a good move. Picking the middle would have left me picking myself up out of the big old pile up. We plowed towards the run up, managed to flow up pretty well, no standing around. Although Keith B was standing at the bottom putting a chain back on. Headed up, flowed through the heckle hill (I took the right most line the first time) down around past the terrifying footed barricades, and the pit and up the run up and well I was good - gap was opening an inch or so on each pedal section in front, but not too badly, but there was a big line behind me that wasn't able to pass. It was fun.
They got around eventually, I kept moving, racing, feeling good, hurting, lungs were dying, phlegm was building (gotta deal with that better some days there's no phlegm some days a ton). But I kept it pretty steady, full gas and then...
Here comes Mike W and Brad S. They are racing, mike's in the lead, oh shit they are in the same section behind me!!!! I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HOLD THEM OFF HOLYSHIT I MIGHT STAY ON THE LEAD LAP! FUCK YEAH...
Oh shit... I gotta RIDE and I tore up the course as much as I could.
Did i mention my front tire was acting kind of flat? Like there was a LOT more air in it when I checked the pressure and did the pre-ride. Well it held on and didn't go flat but it was fun/interesting/cool to ride a tire with that low of a pressure.
AND?
I beat Mike to the line and was granted ONE MORE LAP... HELL YEAH!
I could have slowed up, and been done. But no. I think Mike could see I wasn't giving up and was trying to go hard enough to stay in front and given his gap over 2nd place I think he probably sat up a little to let me go through, but I DON'T CARE.
I had fun racing.
It was a blast.
It is supposed to be that way right? ThomP did an interview and all the bead snot and everything, but it didn't make the final cut. I saw him today and he said it was in, then out, then back in, and finally out. I'm okay with that.
So I raced.
I worked on the car on sunday, did the shopping, cooked, split some more wood, shuffled more wood around (did that on Friday too as openers).
This week has been busy. I didn't get a couple things done. One of which is submitting to a gallery show that is due Sunday. Plan is to work on that tomorrow night. If I can move.
But I got a LOT more done than I thought I could. Mostly going non-stop, with a few twitter breaks here and there. Had some deep introspection a bit, more on the positive resolution side than normal so that was good to.
Odd how the shift happens. Takes getting one or two things done, and building from there. Problem is I keep building till it is too much then collapse. I've got a week and a few days to recover from this weekend before Seattle.
This week was also compressed because I used two vacation days I was going to lose. I used them to build the course. Two intense busy days.
Traffic going there and coming home has been NUTS. So many f'n accidents, and just too many f'n cars. But I'm glad I don't have to deal with that shit everyday.
So anyway. Here I am, it is late friday night here, I need a shower, and to work on finding my shit for tomorrow.
I did actually get on the course. I did two laps in the total blackness. But on the Crossrip+ (it has lights). Ripped it. It was fun. Amazing how much fun it is to have 350watts added immediately to the pedals w/o working. FLYING! Even the slick commuter tires were fine. It plowed and dug in in a few spots, it was a chore to haul up the stairs and over the barriers and across the sand but it was a RIPPING FUCKING BLAST! I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THAT POWER without having the motor. Probably achievable, just isn't there now. But maybe motivation to find it. Because it was so cool.
And yes. I'm racing 40+ superfast masters 1-4 tomorrow, on my single speed. Because I can't go any slower than that gear and there were only a couple gears harder so, well, I'm gonna need to spin up the cadence for a few sections, and will have to go faster in others (rather than downshifting and going slower).
Hopefully we'll see you tomorrow.
Beer is on me if you're drinking, if you can find me, I'll get you one or if you're lucky, two.
Also as of tonight: Jumpsuit crotch hole is patched, we're back in business.
heddwch
G
I had meant to start this on Sunday. I woke up bleary eyed, scrolled through notifications on the phone read them and then totally forgot about pretty much all of them - like for days - honestly. The ones that pestered me between then, well I was reminded. Why did I forget? I try not to do that, I don't have many people that still make an effort to reach out past my social handicap and I try to work on being reciprocal, but I fail quite a bit. Sunday was car day and shopping and other stuff I think. I don't remember but it was a busy day but it was good to take the momentum of the Secret Squirrel race and carry through.
And motherfucker it worked. Carried through right through even today. Tired now but not nearly anything like what I have been in the past after two days of course building. I wonder what the difference is? I'm also not feeling super tired. FOR A CHANGE HOLY SHIT!
I'm tired right now, will hopefully be able to fall asleep soon. That's such a huge difference from having to drink enough to essentially be able to pass out. Yeah, it wasn't good, and so now I'm pretty much going to have to do this for a while. And that's a good thing.
So Secret squirrel started off knowing that I needed to take the bike I haven't touched since Fruitlands and convert it back to single speed. So I did. Headed to the shop, got that done. Not I didn't just do the conversion.
I put some fat meaty tires on too. A big 45 Riddler up front and the 40 Nano that was on the front and not worn on the back. Set up was TOUGH and tight. Took a good bit of persuasion to get the Riddler to pop on and seat and be round. Unlike the Schwalbe (1st gen tubeless CX) that were too easy to put on (but held 25PSI for 4 weeks). Okay maybe they were down a bit when I changed them.
So the big tires on there, bit change. Also a tread pattern I haven't really used at all on the front.
Got my shit together, headed up. Found some parking, headed up and got number, hung out, watched a bit - didn't get shoes and stuff on until after the 123 race went off. But I was poised to hit the course as soon as they were done and got almost a full lap in, all but the tiny start/finish stretch. And the gear felt good, the course felt good, I could ride Heckle hill, I could hop all the logs and the two run ups were the two run ups. I liked the flow and got changed and pinned up and tossed on some embro.
And then eventually got started after a few parking lot laps with Eric the Viking and Matty O. Chatted while riding around, seeing all the great people of Singlespeed and CX. It was awesome. We headed eventually to the start. Got gridded up. I picked the left, kind of wanted the right but the left was the wide side of the turn and well it was a good move. Picking the middle would have left me picking myself up out of the big old pile up. We plowed towards the run up, managed to flow up pretty well, no standing around. Although Keith B was standing at the bottom putting a chain back on. Headed up, flowed through the heckle hill (I took the right most line the first time) down around past the terrifying footed barricades, and the pit and up the run up and well I was good - gap was opening an inch or so on each pedal section in front, but not too badly, but there was a big line behind me that wasn't able to pass. It was fun.
They got around eventually, I kept moving, racing, feeling good, hurting, lungs were dying, phlegm was building (gotta deal with that better some days there's no phlegm some days a ton). But I kept it pretty steady, full gas and then...
Here comes Mike W and Brad S. They are racing, mike's in the lead, oh shit they are in the same section behind me!!!! I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HOLD THEM OFF HOLYSHIT I MIGHT STAY ON THE LEAD LAP! FUCK YEAH...
Oh shit... I gotta RIDE and I tore up the course as much as I could.
Did i mention my front tire was acting kind of flat? Like there was a LOT more air in it when I checked the pressure and did the pre-ride. Well it held on and didn't go flat but it was fun/interesting/cool to ride a tire with that low of a pressure.
AND?
I beat Mike to the line and was granted ONE MORE LAP... HELL YEAH!
I could have slowed up, and been done. But no. I think Mike could see I wasn't giving up and was trying to go hard enough to stay in front and given his gap over 2nd place I think he probably sat up a little to let me go through, but I DON'T CARE.
I had fun racing.
It was a blast.
It is supposed to be that way right? ThomP did an interview and all the bead snot and everything, but it didn't make the final cut. I saw him today and he said it was in, then out, then back in, and finally out. I'm okay with that.
So I raced.
I worked on the car on sunday, did the shopping, cooked, split some more wood, shuffled more wood around (did that on Friday too as openers).
This week has been busy. I didn't get a couple things done. One of which is submitting to a gallery show that is due Sunday. Plan is to work on that tomorrow night. If I can move.
But I got a LOT more done than I thought I could. Mostly going non-stop, with a few twitter breaks here and there. Had some deep introspection a bit, more on the positive resolution side than normal so that was good to.
Odd how the shift happens. Takes getting one or two things done, and building from there. Problem is I keep building till it is too much then collapse. I've got a week and a few days to recover from this weekend before Seattle.
This week was also compressed because I used two vacation days I was going to lose. I used them to build the course. Two intense busy days.
Traffic going there and coming home has been NUTS. So many f'n accidents, and just too many f'n cars. But I'm glad I don't have to deal with that shit everyday.
So anyway. Here I am, it is late friday night here, I need a shower, and to work on finding my shit for tomorrow.
I did actually get on the course. I did two laps in the total blackness. But on the Crossrip+ (it has lights). Ripped it. It was fun. Amazing how much fun it is to have 350watts added immediately to the pedals w/o working. FLYING! Even the slick commuter tires were fine. It plowed and dug in in a few spots, it was a chore to haul up the stairs and over the barriers and across the sand but it was a RIPPING FUCKING BLAST! I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THAT POWER without having the motor. Probably achievable, just isn't there now. But maybe motivation to find it. Because it was so cool.
And yes. I'm racing 40+ superfast masters 1-4 tomorrow, on my single speed. Because I can't go any slower than that gear and there were only a couple gears harder so, well, I'm gonna need to spin up the cadence for a few sections, and will have to go faster in others (rather than downshifting and going slower).
Hopefully we'll see you tomorrow.
Beer is on me if you're drinking, if you can find me, I'll get you one or if you're lucky, two.
Also as of tonight: Jumpsuit crotch hole is patched, we're back in business.
heddwch
G
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
The break for giving thanks holiday
Except it seems to have co-opted into something not that.
Mood's been back more in flux lately. Good moments, bad moments, overwhelmed moments.
I'd comment on Supercross Cup but well - what can I say - it looked fun I wish i was in shape to have been there to race super stoked for Jane to have a podium break through. She's been really focused lately and this is pretty huge for a totally unsponsored (aside from a few race fees because she's collegiate). She could do well, her bike handling is really solid, and she's figuring the rest of the stuff out.
Thom's Dirtwire coverage is ridiculously good. Super pumped to have had that.
I wonder how Myles fared talking to the venue on Monday. Is supercross going somewhere else next year?
I am not going to say anything else about the race - don't want to be sucked down a rabbit hole of unresolved and difficult emotions.
I haven't touched the CX bike since Fruitlands. Probably won't get to it until Friday. 4 weeks. I sprayed it off but still a handful of dried on cleaned grass. I did toss some lube on the chain, hopefully it is okay. Although I'm not going to go back to gears this year. Likely signing up for NBX to race the 40+, but mostly to see how long I can hang out riding the single speed before getting lapped. Lantern Rouge! No where to go but up, eh? Can't get much slower. But hopefully I can turn this around. Going to help set up, use up the two vacation days i'll lose on Thursday and Friday running around helping Matt and the rest of the NBX crew get set up.
Oh and the van is all fucked up again. Weeeee. Symptoms are consistent with a known fuel pump relay fault. If no recall though I'm on the hook. Although the same TIPM is installed on a huge range of Chrysler vehicles, only a handful have been recalled, for fuel pump failure. The TIPM is just a fancy fuse box but with permanently attached electronics and non-replaceable relays. There's a fix, I'll see what I can do about getting it working on Thursday. Looking to drive the Volvo till then. At least that one is somewhat reliable.
I'm kind of bummed about how the cars getting fucked up and needing shit disrupts my mood.
I rode less in October and November this year than i did last year. That's nuts. I guess last year I was riding my new CX bike a couple days a week in the woods. It was great. Somehow I've gotten even busier this year?
Sober thanksgiving is going to be really strange. I did a great job not getting blasted last year, until I got home. We'll see how this holiday goes. It'll be fine and I'm not worried about it. But I guess the VA in-laws were worried. We're only going down for a couple days and I am not drinking, OMG WHAT IS WRONG IS EVERYTHING OKAY HOLY SHIT DO WE NEED TO EMPTY THE HOUSE OF BOOZE OR NOT DRINK AROUND HIM? Alarm bells and panic was caused by the suggesting that my SIL's MIL not give me the usual 12 pack of Yuckling wrapped up for christmas... Hey thanks for the support, yeah that's great. Means a lot. /sarcasm
I've been catching up on a ton of stuff here - seems odd - still catching up. Here as in work as in doing stuff I have been putting off because I'm too busy or instead of doing it while eating lunch I'm writing a few words down. Which is i suppose okay instead of not taking a lunch break and just working from when i walk in until i leave. Checking twitter while I'm waiting for computers to restart or hardware to sync. Twitter's good for that - finding a good balance on there that is better for me. Avoiding FB pretty much as much as I can.
tomorrow's going to be 'fun' it will be good but it will be busy and we'll rush around until it is time to go home then sit there with not much. Guess I have a book still to read. Bike stuff to get ready for and wood to shift around. Plenty to do. Oh and the car to work on.
At least the forecast is moderating a little. only supposed to be 13F tomorrow morning and 11F on friday. Good temps for working on the car on Friday. Oh yeah. Well it is going to get warmer than that - how much? we'll see - would be nice to have a garage to do this work in, but such is life.
Okay - i'll write happier better shit with good stories sometime. For now I'm just using it as it was meant to be - super low traffic under the radar long form get shit out of my head.
heddwch
G
Mood's been back more in flux lately. Good moments, bad moments, overwhelmed moments.
I'd comment on Supercross Cup but well - what can I say - it looked fun I wish i was in shape to have been there to race super stoked for Jane to have a podium break through. She's been really focused lately and this is pretty huge for a totally unsponsored (aside from a few race fees because she's collegiate). She could do well, her bike handling is really solid, and she's figuring the rest of the stuff out.
Thom's Dirtwire coverage is ridiculously good. Super pumped to have had that.
I wonder how Myles fared talking to the venue on Monday. Is supercross going somewhere else next year?
I am not going to say anything else about the race - don't want to be sucked down a rabbit hole of unresolved and difficult emotions.
I haven't touched the CX bike since Fruitlands. Probably won't get to it until Friday. 4 weeks. I sprayed it off but still a handful of dried on cleaned grass. I did toss some lube on the chain, hopefully it is okay. Although I'm not going to go back to gears this year. Likely signing up for NBX to race the 40+, but mostly to see how long I can hang out riding the single speed before getting lapped. Lantern Rouge! No where to go but up, eh? Can't get much slower. But hopefully I can turn this around. Going to help set up, use up the two vacation days i'll lose on Thursday and Friday running around helping Matt and the rest of the NBX crew get set up.
Oh and the van is all fucked up again. Weeeee. Symptoms are consistent with a known fuel pump relay fault. If no recall though I'm on the hook. Although the same TIPM is installed on a huge range of Chrysler vehicles, only a handful have been recalled, for fuel pump failure. The TIPM is just a fancy fuse box but with permanently attached electronics and non-replaceable relays. There's a fix, I'll see what I can do about getting it working on Thursday. Looking to drive the Volvo till then. At least that one is somewhat reliable.
I'm kind of bummed about how the cars getting fucked up and needing shit disrupts my mood.
I rode less in October and November this year than i did last year. That's nuts. I guess last year I was riding my new CX bike a couple days a week in the woods. It was great. Somehow I've gotten even busier this year?
Sober thanksgiving is going to be really strange. I did a great job not getting blasted last year, until I got home. We'll see how this holiday goes. It'll be fine and I'm not worried about it. But I guess the VA in-laws were worried. We're only going down for a couple days and I am not drinking, OMG WHAT IS WRONG IS EVERYTHING OKAY HOLY SHIT DO WE NEED TO EMPTY THE HOUSE OF BOOZE OR NOT DRINK AROUND HIM? Alarm bells and panic was caused by the suggesting that my SIL's MIL not give me the usual 12 pack of Yuckling wrapped up for christmas... Hey thanks for the support, yeah that's great. Means a lot. /sarcasm
I've been catching up on a ton of stuff here - seems odd - still catching up. Here as in work as in doing stuff I have been putting off because I'm too busy or instead of doing it while eating lunch I'm writing a few words down. Which is i suppose okay instead of not taking a lunch break and just working from when i walk in until i leave. Checking twitter while I'm waiting for computers to restart or hardware to sync. Twitter's good for that - finding a good balance on there that is better for me. Avoiding FB pretty much as much as I can.
tomorrow's going to be 'fun' it will be good but it will be busy and we'll rush around until it is time to go home then sit there with not much. Guess I have a book still to read. Bike stuff to get ready for and wood to shift around. Plenty to do. Oh and the car to work on.
At least the forecast is moderating a little. only supposed to be 13F tomorrow morning and 11F on friday. Good temps for working on the car on Friday. Oh yeah. Well it is going to get warmer than that - how much? we'll see - would be nice to have a garage to do this work in, but such is life.
Okay - i'll write happier better shit with good stories sometime. For now I'm just using it as it was meant to be - super low traffic under the radar long form get shit out of my head.
heddwch
G
Friday, November 16, 2018
so strange
state of mind now
sinus infection has kicked in a little, hopefully it stays out of the lungs - fact/observation - not related or strange. Also got the flu shot today, sure it is a racket and companies stand to make millions and millions on the shot, all for some scientific wild ass guess cocktail of non-infectious strains. But hey - figure they change it every year - just adds to the catalog of familiarity that my immune system has.... can't find a good argument against it.
Did the wellness thing while I was at it. Numbers are good, people are crazy. Did accidentally get into a discussion, asking the "choose healthy sugar" lady if her pancreas could tell the difference between sugar from fruit or added or refined sugar. She kind of fell back on the but the fruit is better for you line of bullshit, and I said Type 2 diabetes is still diabetes.
Was reading more of that new book. So good. More thinking. So bad.
Alone. Me.
going to let this one simmer tonight before posting.
=---=---=
and so i let it simmer - did a bit of a rescue of someone stranded in the snow last night, never got to this yesterday morning, haven't read much since then.
I forget where i was headed with the alone part - except that I need to be alone but also not alone - kind of the typical shy introvert that craves contact with sympathetic and friendly humans.
Just got fucking derailed and chewed out. Nothing significant but still enough to take a pretty okay day and destroy everything I've worked at building up over the last few days.
I did at least get the Gallery stuff submitted before that happened.
Fuck...
No bike racing this weeekend...
Riding in this morning was like dumping a slurpee over each foot with each pedal stroke.
The low bottom bracket plus the rain saturated snow and pouring rain meant the wave off of the front tire on the bike path was soaking my feet.
I didn't put on winter cycling shoes, or shoe covers. My feet were fucking COLD.
And the gloves I grabbed, i have only used them in the cold, they work for that. They DO NOT work in the rain. They filled up with water, nice cold water. trapped the water in like it keeps the air out. Kind of wetsuit style I guess. But it was not good.
Managed to make it without any lingering issue and everything is dry right now for changing and getting dressed and riding back home.
Fuck...
still really bothered by the issue - assured it would all be okay and not a problem but I could have handled it better and am just sad angry and pissed and 'derailed' is a good way to put it.
oh well...
heddwch
G
sinus infection has kicked in a little, hopefully it stays out of the lungs - fact/observation - not related or strange. Also got the flu shot today, sure it is a racket and companies stand to make millions and millions on the shot, all for some scientific wild ass guess cocktail of non-infectious strains. But hey - figure they change it every year - just adds to the catalog of familiarity that my immune system has.... can't find a good argument against it.
Did the wellness thing while I was at it. Numbers are good, people are crazy. Did accidentally get into a discussion, asking the "choose healthy sugar" lady if her pancreas could tell the difference between sugar from fruit or added or refined sugar. She kind of fell back on the but the fruit is better for you line of bullshit, and I said Type 2 diabetes is still diabetes.
Was reading more of that new book. So good. More thinking. So bad.
Alone. Me.
going to let this one simmer tonight before posting.
=---=---=
and so i let it simmer - did a bit of a rescue of someone stranded in the snow last night, never got to this yesterday morning, haven't read much since then.
I forget where i was headed with the alone part - except that I need to be alone but also not alone - kind of the typical shy introvert that craves contact with sympathetic and friendly humans.
Just got fucking derailed and chewed out. Nothing significant but still enough to take a pretty okay day and destroy everything I've worked at building up over the last few days.
I did at least get the Gallery stuff submitted before that happened.
Fuck...
No bike racing this weeekend...
Riding in this morning was like dumping a slurpee over each foot with each pedal stroke.
The low bottom bracket plus the rain saturated snow and pouring rain meant the wave off of the front tire on the bike path was soaking my feet.
I didn't put on winter cycling shoes, or shoe covers. My feet were fucking COLD.
And the gloves I grabbed, i have only used them in the cold, they work for that. They DO NOT work in the rain. They filled up with water, nice cold water. trapped the water in like it keeps the air out. Kind of wetsuit style I guess. But it was not good.
Managed to make it without any lingering issue and everything is dry right now for changing and getting dressed and riding back home.
Fuck...
still really bothered by the issue - assured it would all be okay and not a problem but I could have handled it better and am just sad angry and pissed and 'derailed' is a good way to put it.
oh well...
heddwch
G
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
