insert clever title

 I'm sitting here at home this morning. Thinking and drinking more coffee. I should maybe have some breakfast, I should be out riding instead of sitting here. But it is hot, and I'm still tired and an extra day of rest is something I know is a good idea even if I'd rather be out on the bike.

And that was a long but fast eight years

 Today (not yesterday as I thought and posted on the microblogging thing) is the first day of sobriety eight years ago. Waking up having finished the bottle of vodka the night before, feeling like shit, seeing that Bourdain killed himself the day before... well that was it.

Boom, done, no more.

8 years later, still sober. Less messed up than I have been in a better space, but still lacking confidence and still way to hard on myself.

The rest of the prints having shown up yet, but maybe they will get here someday.

Lots of things have ended for the season, trying re-calibrate. Going to make an attempt to ride smackdown today. We'll see how that goes, I'm guessing my fitness is pretty poor but gotta start somewhere. Fitness isn't zero but it is a long way from feeling good is my guess. 

Need to add in a whole day on the bike at some point soon. Not sure when. 

I did ride in the woods Saturday and Sunday after a long week and commuted yesterday and am feeling TIRED right now. I need some of that special fountain of youth energy. Or a Red bull (on top of all the coffee). But yeah - I'm yawning and shit.

Out of practice writing. Still recovering from all all the photography in Georgia and the editing and all that. Energy sapped.

But we keep putting one foot forward and we keep moving on.

heddwch
G

PS - I did mean to get into more about the last 8 years sober when i started but maybe the post lunch food has made me even more tired and words just aren't flowing so - maybe later.

The prints have returned

 It's a bit exciting. I haven't seen these since the gallery closed suddenly in 2022.

The prints from Desert Nanoscape of Saguache...  the ones I've talked about and haven't see in a while

I wrote these words other places - posted a video/story on IG (will be there till tomorrow)

---

This collection means a lot to me.

I feel like I should expand on that last line.

It was a project that I asked my Dad to help with. I sent him a small box with empty little glass vials, a sheet to write down what went in each and a simple criteria: Dry, Fit in [vials], Different.

This was just after he moved permanently to Saguache, CO.

I got the samples back and started looking at them.

12 samples. All from the high mountain desert. It wasn't quite what I expected. I thought maybe more mineral samples, rocks, different soil. it was mostly plants. And that was very cool

I went through and collected hundreds of images covering all the different things. Printed them out and shared them with him. We went through it and for his subdued self I think it seemed like it was a very cool set of images.

And then it kind of languished. No concrete outlet for the prints.

A few weeks after he passed, it came up, one thing led to another and a gallery opportunity came up. And the spring of '22 became extra insane. Show went up. People came to the opening.

And then more or less nothing after that.

Gallery closed w/o notice or warning. There was talk about taking it on the road, getting into Wash U in StL.

Nothing.

And now most of them are back here with me. To do what? I don't know.

Maybe I just need to put a price tag on them and sell them.

But they connect me, meaningfully, to my Dad

and so it begins and ends

 The semester, teaching, and an intangible, unmentionable ending.

Realizing that this feeling every year at the end is very much like grief. It was massive work, huge effort but also rewarding and satisfying but now over. A void that won't be filled until next year.

Empty.

The first year this happened I kicked off a MASSIVE mileage May. The year I was 10 miles short of winning the competition. A month if an insane number of rides, a month of taking the long way in every day, taking a day off each week to go do a 100 miles, it was crazy. I thought it would shed some of the weight (it didn't). It did give me a boost of fitness I hadn't seen since 2013, but it was short lived and here I am. 

Older now, still searching, still wondering if I've made the right choices along the way, wondering what is next, how best to move forward.

Will I ever know? Whispers of mortality as friends and family deal with heart issues or other medical issues, some chronic, some acute. I ran to get to an honors defense on time Friday morning and my knee has been grumpy since. I think maybe more calf muscle attachment at the knee but it is manifesting in a bit of inflammation. Didn't stop me from doing back to back singlespeed rides this weekend. Saturday was longer but I felt much worse than today. Just slow, but then everyone else slowed down and I kept going to same speed. Today I had even less punch and some of the uphill technical sections I never have an issue with were just simply not rideable. Tired, mentally and physically. 

Trying to get through it all. One step at a time.

Tomorrow is a big day here - for reasons I can't talk about. Not bad just big.

Soon we'll be heading back to New Jersey near Philadelphia and then a few weeks after that Georgia.  Then the summer will be here. May stretches out between, both interminably long but also seemingly impossibly short.

Photos, taking photos still. Feels like a muse vanished, was there, now gone. Feels like inspiration was flowing and now stopped. Feels like there was a future, now not. 

And then there's all the shit happening in the country and the world and I've been so cranking busy that I have barely registered anything. 

Things were really good, then the last three weeks have seen a steady or catastrophic implosion. Yup. Wrapping up the semester, intense weekends, travel that was stressful but worth it.

Life happening. But it feels muted right now. 

Maybe I need to be more disciplined about writing here. Maybe that will help. But probably not. 

Will keep posting photos - pushing myself to create, document, look, refine my style... make, art.

and ride bikes

heddwch
G

Time warping?

 Still one armed man in a hanger factory or however that saying goes. 

Give this a listen, I think it is kind of perfect. 

Back from a day in New Haven. Only a handful of photos (less than 700) to go through. Hoping to batch edit most of them. Maybe cull a bunch of out of focus ones. 

Got lucky getting in a launch, knowing the other team's coach helps quite a bit. But no pressure for instant delivery because the in house creative crew was there. So these are just for the team. If the media person wants them they can ask. 

Pick back up at it again next week in New Jersey. Took me until yesterday to finish the final edits for the team from last saturday. Hoping that today's set can be delivered before friday.

Haven't been riding much other than commuting. Is it enough? I guess so. Might make an attempt at Smackdown on Tuesday if the weather is okay. Full committed to getting dropped early but we'll see how it goes. Tomorrow maybe Dirt Church. 

A few more weeks of insanity before maybe some different insanity starts up.

Life's crazy

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
g

whoops

 Well I hadn't planned on letting this lapse like this

but fuck me shit is crazy

no time or when i have time I'm exhausted and behind in lots of stuff

like keep on top of this

whatever this is

but what has been even longer of a gap than between this and the last post?
the last time i've ridden in the woods on the MTB

i NEED to get back out there

hoping this weekend REALLY hoping

that is all or something

i don't know

i'm tired there's a lot of shit to be worried about less shit to control and influence and that is tough

but i'm still here, hanging on doing what I can which is probably not enough but it has to be

be kind

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
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First time

 First time I've gotten non-functionally sick while teaching class. Monday was rough but okay.

This morning was okay but by the end of 2 hrs of talking my voice is now gone. Monday nights coughing was terrible. Last night was better but still not much sleep and not great but taking the guaifenesin w/o the cough suppresent was the smart move or maybe it didn't matter. It sucks and this really sucks.

Tested positive for RSV saturday and I'm still not better. 

Bike path isn't clear, way too much snow for the plow. So I'm riding the ebike because not feeling well and having to deal with the road and all the ice on the road (studded tires) is good but now I'm getting the short crank pain from riding it. And it is only Wednesday and I have at least tomorrow to get through. Would be great to feel well enough Friday to be back on normal length cranks but we'll see. 

And with the bike path shut down, the insane ride on the busy street and not feeling great, I've been unable to find the space or the visuals to finish the roll in either the p17 or the spotmatic. And that's also frustrating and adding to the malaise. And then there's all the other shit going on. Not to mention there's too much snow and it isn't packed (too cold to actually pack) to ride skinny mtb tires in the woods. And my crank is still halfway off the mid-fat bike that 'MIGHT' work on the packed foot path in the snow but need the part to arrive first. So no MTB riding, no photography, no bike path and light house and stuff, and yeah... 

I haven't felt this sick in a really long time, this RSV thing suuuuuuucks. And I haven't been able to just rest, esp now that classes have started and there's no one to cover them for me and there is so much material to cover. 

But hey at least commuting in when it is 18°F (or freedom degrees) isn't cold anymore. I mean it is cold but also feels kind of normal.

When is all this fucking snow going to melt? Soon? yeah no. More snow possible this weekend? Oh great.

Gotta keep pushing and trying to make it all happen

amor fati motherfuckers

Heddwch
G

open tabs stuff

 I'm still, occasionally opening all tabs and going through the corner of the internet I have bookmarked and arranged into two tabs. Currently called 'Open Tabs 3.0a' and 'Open Tabs 3.0b' (41 and 38 respectively) 

Now one of the micro blogging platforms has taken up a pile of my time/attention. There has been some great film discussion (analog as in taking photos, not as in movies) lots of amazing artists sharing their work and some shit posting. But it is also chock full of fellow ASD folks who don't interact much beyond that and are currently terrified/frustrated/outraged/hopeless/all of the above and don't know what to do besides call their congress people and vent. Is it healthy? No but neither is the state of affairs. But that's all for that previous post. 

So given previous post, and me showing up late to work, and then not eating breakfast and then waiting till noon to eat lunch because 1pm meeting and then eating so fast, and still being hungry, well. Lets open all tabs. There a few new bookmarks, two substacks in particular. Now, I have a beef with that platform, it is up there with that OG micro-blogging place in terms of rotten to the core and funding the bad people, so my current policy is to read a very few specific ones, but I won't share links. Also I don't feel comfortable paying for premium access and that kind of sucks because Amanda Batty's got some good stuff going and can use the support, and Mike Ferrentino is doing a deep dive into back issues of BIKE mag for his paid subs but paying into a platform like that? For now it is a no go, gotta draw a line somewhere, being broke with zero discretionary funds does make it easier. There are really only two others that I have been reading with regularity and that's feldmancat's and enzotcat's. I'll put in an IYKYK for that. And if you do you do. If you know me you also know other stuff as to why I'm following along. Another IYKYK and you probably don't or if you do maybe you can put the pieces together. If not no worries.

I am not usually that obviously cryptic. Most of the time I'm so cryptic I confuse myself on the re-read.

All that's a pre-amble to something totally different. And of course I'll probably run out of time. 

Oh - check the IG (link on the sidebar) been posting more photos there lately. Because why not.

So yeah - Patrick O'Grady. Kind of funny, Patrick and Mike F are two of the people from in the way back machine I'd always said I'd love to have a beer with. O'Grady sobered up before I did. So maybe we just get a cup of coffee some day. or not.

He posted the Truckin' live song in memory of Bob Weir. I am NOT a dead head, never have been, never went to their shows, but I have heard their music. 

Listening to this I'm reminded that most of the stuff I've heard are radio edits that are not 10+ minutes long. I'm also not a Phish fan (shocking). So listening to this I kind of was reminded while I'm familiar with the songs, the live stuff is alien to me. It is still excellent and I can acknowledge these guys were good, just not really my thing.

So here: you get to listen to it here if you want.

Or go read P O'G's stuff (it is all good) and read about his reflection about BW

Tapping out and prep'n for the new hurdle at 1pm. Need more coffee for this, and *waves hands around* that too

oh and coffee - coffee grinder got all fucked up somehow. I think maybe I have it working again, that was an ordeal and not a great process but we'll see...

heddwch
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is it time for immersion therapy

(looks like this got stuck in draft limbo)

Meaning stop getting info filtered through people I know and go into a full deep dive and dig into all the stuff out there? 

Nah.

I'm not ready for that yet, headlines still give me panic attacks. Working on that but I'm not ready for a full dose and I don't think immersion is going to help in this case. 

No pedaling this weekend. Just lots of driving. It was good and needed and helpful and I finished a book and got parts and now the road gearing on the Crockett can go to 30, instead of 25.

I'm already late so why not throw a few thoughts up here this morning. 

It's kind of terrifying to watch, even as remotely as I am watching it all unfold. How much worse is it going to get is all I wonder, in fear. Yet everyone keeps going on about their life. Those who aren't directly disrupted and that feels not right. Will that change at some point? Will the markets crash first? What's it going to take? 

I don't know.

I'm plugging away, photos help. But haven't had time for a good photo walk in a bit. Need to fix that. Tomorrow maybe. 

Time to get ready to head out the door, not sure I have enough food for the day but I have more food than many. I'm lucky.I recognize that. But at the same time I recognize while lucky I've managed to get to this point on life with much less influence than many. I don't control much, I have few resources, but I have my family, and my health for now. Here's to hoping at least that continues.

This maybe is too much to say for now here, but it is what it is I guess. 

Heddwch

G

happy something

These words began as a micro blog platform thread, but then I don't really want to share that there and these sentiments aren't new here.

I struggle on the holidays, esp this one, mostly because I've still never figured out this whole culture of buying piles of stuff for others in hopes they like them. Mix it with so rarely getting a gift that brings me any joy that I attempt not to do that to others and then lock up, panic, spiral.

Only thing I've ever hoped for is that my offspring don't have this feeling and then that adds pressure, no, it's not something I've been able to figure out. Being blackout drunk was how I coped till 2018. It's been harder since obvs.

Fortunately the rest of the family is good, maybe that's enough.

All this travel to the west coast for concerts every year, cyclocross racing and never being near commercial stores (that aren't bike shops) have been confounding factors. That and no one is into the same things I've been into. 

I struggle reading minds and guessing about stuff that people need/want. I'm fairly observative but not seemingly in a way that helps me keep track of what would be a good gift. Hell I can't even tell when people are hitting on me, I have issues or to phrase it more positively those are areas that don't align with my strengths. 

We'll get through. So many people struggle with these days and everyone in their own way. Be gracious, be kind. Forgive those you can. 

Sending hugs out 

Heddwch 

G

it's been a lot

I wrote this on the 19th

Figured it has posted, oops guess not. 

Racing, family, work, travel, Yuletide concerts on Seattle, that thing that happened on the 13th... 

At some point I'll sit down and write. Lately it hasn't been a priority. 

Thank you for you patience, I'll work on catching up. 

At least the current plan is not driving to VA for the holiday break. I can use at least some of those 20-25 hours in the car for writing. 

Heddwch

G

okay one more

 This kind of falls right in line with part 5 from Rob Warner's series that I posted yesterday.

last night I rode the bike - and then with intention took some photos, with a camera and a shutter, not a computational phone thing... 

like i said the connection is not surprising or novel but it is kind of my intersection

and yeah, I really need to get back to working on my talk for next week...

On photography, and philosopy

 A few minute watch, but worth it. 

very well done

It resonates strongly. 

Changes in plans

 This past 7 days of being under the weather have tweaked my plans for the weekend. I'm not super stoked about the drive up to race for a day at NoHo so, as much as I feel not great about missing it, it feels like the right decision to skip it this year. And no, it isn't because I'm eligible for the 55+ race. And HOLY SHIT 55+? ME? Fucks sake. 

I miss riding in the woods, and I'm not feeling 100%, and I'm still not excited about getting in the car for that long and yeah I dunno. 

It is what it is and I have a massive keynote talk at the end of next week and I need to be prepared for it and it looks like I'll need both time this weekend to work on it and also need to not be recovering from both a drive and a race and losing a whole day is too much right now. Unfortunately.

So clinic tonight, hang out and then maybe hit Dirt Church this weekend.

This is long but good, Rob's kind of somewhat tolerable but it is also helpful stuff, and interesting to go through and watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDqr0_W5ocs&list=PLA_5Y7t0uPgi_KAIOo38Z8LFCgoohyIIP

anyway, take care - i was going to write more but got distracted and only have managed to get back to this now hours late.

ride bikes, do good, be good, give a shit about others, you know, the important shit

heddwch
G

Sick

 I know it has been a while since i wrote anything here and that's not great. And maybe I'll have more of a chance to catch up. Today I should have done that but I was not doing that it seems. Until now.

So since the last recap I did Dirty Smackdown, then went and did the Cider Donut Hundo and that was really really hard and since most of you caught bits about it on Strava, well, you know what happened and how long it took. I still haven't finished that roll of film in the camera. Need to push to do that, at least to see if I got any decent photos, probably not but fuck it lets find out.

So then I went to Housatonic and took photos of the women's team and that was great, and fun, and a LOOOOOONG day. Then I decided, fuck it lets get up the next day and race at 10:30 am and 3:30pm. Brilliant move. Oh and with the impending Nor'easter (that was kind of a dud in the end). Check and check. Then hit Under the lights at NBX wed night. THEN got up early Friday and Saturday and Sunday and drove to Boston, rode the garbage truck around everywhere with a backpack full of cameras taking photos of the women's team champ boats during rigging and practice, then of course there was the 2hr+ drive home, edit all the photos, upload the photos, get up and do it all again Saturday for the club 8 race and then Sunday for the champ 8 race. Finished editing the color photos on Sunday night around 11:30pm or so, was up editing early Monday, got the black and white uploaded over lunch. Was tired. Fucked toasted. Headed to Wed night Under the Lights and started feeling off, bike felt good. Did some turning, lowered the tire pressure, bike feeling better and more comfortable now. But as I felt off I dialed it back. 

Then thursday my nose wouldn't stop running and I was sneezing...  not the 'vid, probably an RSV or other cold. All in the head/sinuses. 12hr Mucinex FTW! Got stuff done yesterday but took it easy. Was hoping I'd wake up feeling great and could make it out for Dirt Church but nope...  tired. Not achy but in retrospect holy shit I pushed myself HARD for three+ weeks straight. And then of course work got extra busy all of a sudden, and that's great but also, timing? Ooof. So yeah. I Dropped kid off at book club put gas in the car saw my brother and his dog and got some fresh eggs. And came home and didn't really do anything.

Eventually I turned on the laptop and posted the photos from the half frame photowalk day on instagram and submitted my three photos for the contest, not that I think they are winners but so there's something to make the rest of the submissions look good.

On top of next week being extra crazy I have to put together a keynote speaker talk for the 7th. I've know about it since august, have ideas, been working on format and subject for it but since it isn't a purely research talk I need to lean heavily on material that doesn't exist anywhere outside my own head. Not a problem, the whole talking for 50 minutes thing. But I'd like it to be good and concise and keep everyone awake between 3-4pm on a friday. Hell *I'll* have to work hard to stay awake for it, mostly because I have to get there for 8am and that's not going to be a ton of fun on a Friday morning.

Funny, it took sitting down here and doing a quick post to realize just how hard I've been pushing it physically, and no fucking wonder I picked up something. It is lingering but with luck I'll feel better for the CX clinic I'm doing at NBX this Wednesday.

At least if I constantly smell like raw garlic people will stay away from me and are unlikely to get sick. 

Oh and hey, if you do one of those home test kits? You know the ones we used to have to use all the time? C is the control, not Covid, so if there's only one line and it is the C? Yeah, all good, no need to freak out. DAMHIK.

The photo thing though...  was reflecting after the weekend, after editing 1500 photos, it somewhat attenuates my compulsion to shoot more and more. I had a really good burst of creativity leading up to the Head of the Charles weekend. Now? Def a slump not unlike the one after NCAAs in June.

So creative slump plus sick for the first time since maybe 2023 or 2024 when I came back from seattle with that horrible RSV that took weeks to go away...Or was that longer ago? Might have been 22 or 21 even? Oh well. It was a good run and the MASSIVE crowds this weekend certainly set me up for picking something up, esp mixed with not nearly enough rest, too much caffeine and stress, mental and physical. 

Here's to hoping it clears up soon and all that stuff.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
G

i know we're not supposed to

 support or share or promote the newletter service that has the initials SS because, well, quite literally they are fans of...  well I probably don't need to draw the lines any closer together.

That all said, for some unknown reason Mike F has been putting stuff up there:
https://open.substack.com/pub/thegrimyhandshake/p/no-excuses-no-free-ride

And this one is good. Saturday actually, same thing. You guys serviced it and now it is flat (pinch flat) must have been something you did. No, you just railed something hard on the very first ride after service.

Allegedly. Who knows. That's the beauty of JRA and the customers.

That end bit - $5 for a 4 dollar tube and keep the change...  it is crazy how basically nothing has changed in the bike world since Mike's column dropped 30 years ago.

Dirt Smack tonight, not sure I'm up for it but fuck it, lets go for a ride.

heddwch
g

Bikes

I've raced CX.

I've survived smackdown.

I've ridden the thursday night shop ride.

I've been commuting. 

I've been taking photos.

I've done the training to get access not only to the creative studio but also the equipment checkout.

I've been thinking about process.

I've worked hard not to be dismayed, depressed, forlorn.

I'm working to remind myself I'm here, now, I can't change what has happened, I can only go forward.

just breathe

https://youtu.be/pAHcX_jSbsc?si=GMEOrvFwQURgJM34

Posting from the phone

Capturing the line:

"I'm a fool, no one knows this more than me"

It's the last song on the playlist when I jumped from the book to music to wrap up the day in the basement building bikes before going for the shop ride. A different day. 

Mostly unplugged with only a few glimpses at the madness afflicting the world.

It was a good day to be here, finishing Moon Bound, Starting Remarkably Bright Creatures. But it's time for music. 

 And for my John Prine station to cast me though for a bit before I move to the next station. 

Heddwch

G

Well...

 ...shit

I certainly have dropped the ball on keeping up with the web logging. There's been a good heap of stuff that's happened since.

Birthday ride (a great one) and oddly a birthday week that didn't suck as much as usual, wasn't as bad as it usually is. Weird.

But it has been busy, not just with apocalyptic dread and bullshit happening globally, but maybe that's put a bit of a damper on my dourness. The photowalk and world wide half-frame photography day was a fantastic distraction and a great bump of creativity. Getting in some decent riding. Only just barely getting dropped on Pine now, although Hillside is still my nemesis, kind of always has been hasn't it. Go figure.

Thinking about doubling up with CX on Sunday just because. Yes it is a dumb idea but fuck it, why not? Maybe even go all the way to New Haven on back to back weekends.

Proof of life post. I'm running late again this morning but that's mostly because I fired up the laptop for a few work issues and started and then got caught up in it all. So lets call it a few hours of WFH. 

I think i'm going to do the whole commute separate and come home and drop bag and swap bikes, the added warm up and 14 extra miles seem to help. 

So it looks like I might get to two CX races and a cider donut hundo before the head race season starts and I jump back into trying to do a good job documenting the team. fingers crossed for the good light.

More later perhaps

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
G

And another week starts

 And with it more broken shit.

This time the crank. There was a problem with setting up the cranks on the new bike. The bottom bracket shell was wider, just a tiny bit but that spelled bad news. 

I did manage to get the pin in the hole, and that's supposed to be enough for shimano. If that pin goes in the hole there's enough spline engaged to stay on.

I guess unless you're 240# and singlespeeding.

And also forgot that the cranks stay on better at 12nm than 14nm. Not sure it makes sense but it seems to be true. 

And now what? The bike felt great, was riding well, not super fast and I fucked up a few lines here and there. But the brakes worked great, finally, the dropper post stayed up.

and the crank fell off.

180mm is dead and that's not good for me, I discovered that the pain I endured every fucking day starting in 2009 and not ending until January 2019 was because I compromised and put 177.5 cranks on the CX bike. On both CX bikes. 

Riding the Crossrip? Even worse. 175s on there...  Not only did the crossrip add to my girth and weight gain because it made getting to work both easier and faster but it underscored the problem. Granted the shorter time on that bike made a difference. under 30 minutes and it wasn't so bad, longer? yeah, not good.

So now what?

Shimano doesn't make 180s. I wish I had bought more 180 XTs while they still had them in stock.. but I didn't because that was six years ago. I don't think they even make them for the global market anymore.

And the news isn't helping my malaise. Maybe it is what is causing it. 

But hey my mother finally looked at her calendar this past week and realized she will be on the east coast for my birthday, but that's the only day she can spend with her cousin on the island. But I could drive the 4+ hours there through end of summer traffic to be there if I wanted. 

Maybe I should but I don't really want to for another oh btw add-on birthday. That's all that day has ever sort of seemed to be, Oh right it is G's birthday lets hastily add something to the schedule at the last minute while still being focused and absorbed in the other stuff and then make sure to cut it short because there are other things going on.

Lots of emotional baggage there, as y'all probably know. Not sure who or what's been clicking and reading all this stuff more lately, hit counter has gone up, maybe it is the aye eye...

Waves hand all around, the stuff happening out there is kind of not helping either. 

It is a big week for reasons that aren't bad, it is a lot to be happening soon but it is also winding down the 'summer' and this many years of end of summer shit isn't helping. And just when I get the bike back that I really really like riding, after having a mind numbingly great road ride on Saturday the crank falls off and I'm back to being reminded...

of what... dunno...

Feeling adrift a bit, obvs... 

But kind of have to kind of keep moving forward. Amor Fati motherfuckers and all that...

I think maybe I can get the crank to stay on, maybe. If I can find a metal end cap, but I'll try with a new, not stripped plastic one. Although I'm not sure where to test, short of testing in the woods. I don't think commuting with it will give it enough torque to make it fall off. I mean I put it on the last time and it stayed there for the ride out. 

And the rest? It will be what it is. 

At least I finally made it in for the follow up with the ENT about the neck injury. I can expect the swelling to go away in about 4 weeks or so. 

fun stuff

heddwch
G