holy shit - totally flat

That sucked.  Good reality check, nice to know how much I suck on a bad day when everything goes fucking wrong and you feel like garbage on the bike.  Nice to know.

Now I know.


I suck. Always have.  Always will.  Someone asked what Cat i might have been in college if I was racing.  I WAS RACING IN COLLEGE.  I sucked then.  But I sucked so long ago I've never been a Cat 5.  So I got that going for me.

Today was a big dose of: "dude you're approaching the point where you're too old to recover from fuckups"

Specifically yesterday being so far under caloric needs all day that despite eating three heaping servings of dinner last night and eating all day I was still done half way through the ride tonight.

Reality is, someone my size takes more than a day to refuel from empty.  Esp given that I'm on my no sleep cycle.  I seem to go from getting great sleep for a week, to terrible sleep for a week, back and forth.  I get so tired that I start sleeping well...  get caught up well enough that I stop sleeping enough... curse of being able to go a couple days w/o sleep in my youth.  F'n Genetics.  Fuck that shit.

The smackdown really literally smacked me down.  I hung steady until they accelerated for the sprint at Pine.  I gave it everything from that point until the top of Rocky Hill.  I reeled the group back to w/in 100 meters or so at the turn on Rocky Hill, but then they started attacking eachother even more and I never saw them again.

Brutal.

That effort destroyed me though.  Hillside was incredibly slow.  And then I some how managed to embed a chunk of glass about 1/2" long...  a nice dagger.  And I flatted.  The Plus belt was enough that the glass had broken and cracked on the way in, but I was still left with maybe my first flat on these tires.  They are so thin, but I just bought new commuting tires, taxes to pay, summer session fees for the girls, so many mountains of bills coming up in April... I might just have to keep running these tires for the foreseeable future.  Such is the life of my chosen path.  It is what it is.

Stress...  this stuff, and worse, kind of change you.  Jerry put it well; like making a diamond, or Damascus steel, fold it over, compress, fold, compress, fold compress...  not an inappropriate analogy.  The path I'm following is rewarding, but stressful.  And for someone completely lacking in all genetic potential except height, every tiny insignificant gain is lauded, every set back seems insurmountable.

who cares what I say about food.  If you really give a shit about what MSDSs say look up preservatives. Grab a packed item, find the chemical name and see what it says.  Fuck, all that shit is fucking toxic.

At least i'm slammed at work for the next foreseeable future, blogging will probably take a big backseat.  If the RSS feed disappears? Yeah it wasn't accidental.  IF. hasn't happened yet. But probably will because i'm a dickhead that thinks maybe if you need internet content shit spoon fed to you that it isn't worth fucking eating. And most of the shit here isn't worth eating.  If it was more than a very small handful of my few friends in the world would actually be reading this.

I'm done...  time to finish cooking dinner

heddwch
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