Maybe no.
The road to Ashville. A massive heaping pile of unknowns. But odd confidence that it will work out. Odd in that this confidence is so not the old GeWilli. He'd be stressed the f'out right now despite it being in January and not having reg'd and and and and and.
Yes there are nagging 'what the f'am I gonna do' but they are manageable esp given current focus.
The road started on Saturday at Monstah, but really the next steps were . NBX on 4th we had a bit of a kick ass trainer sesh. The most amazing and wonderful giulia brought her husband and we had two of the most king pin members of the Danger Zone to round it out. Justin and Patrick were ready and willing and we made that hour fly by. It was good. Personally I hit my marks that the vaulted Negacoach pointed out would be good to hit. And we all cruised through a painful but effective (hopefully) workout. IT WAS AWESOME. I think I actually may have written about it already. Ooops. Then what?
Yesterday. Plan called for tempo/threshold work. But I called a Brady audible and got sideline approval to do the VO2 Max workout instead. And I did it. Maybe over did it but holy crap did I kick my own ass.
Felt fine this morning riding in in recovery mode. But once i started to ride home tonight? OUCHYWAHAH. My legs were HOSED. I liked it. But knew given that I'm just recovering from a cold that ouchy legs and lower immue system was a good idea/sign to ride easy/recovery all the way home.
Bike path was deserted. Just me. And a few bunnies.
Oh and a headwind. Worse than last night.
Supercross Cup this weekend. SUPER STOKED. Racing only on Sunday but I'll be there Saturday, can't wait to see what magic Myles has created this year. Also the weather is going to be a bit better than last time I was there.
There's the potential to race both days, but some odd calm acceptance is rolling through my veins, i'm totally cool with just racing one day, it is weird, but good, and weird and makes me happy that it is good even if weird, because that means there's some elevated level of confidence.
Dipping back to the last post. And referencing Anastasia's coaching, at one point she asked me to put the idea that sucking and struggling at Monstah into a positive point of view. I put some words together in the lines of well now i'm motivated to not be lazy, to overcome the negative, or something, I had a much better off the cuff statement that I can't remember right now. But she prodded and poked and questioned in her brilliant way "can you phrase that in a more constructive way?" And I did. But I didn't really believe it until cogitating with sore legs pedaling home.
Confidence.
That's what it gave me. Helped to solidify the foundation i've never really been able to rely on. Self Confidence. Always lacking. Maybe this is the actual turning point. The point 44 years later when I finally realized what the fuck is going on.
Also that switch paragraph?
I expounded with a friend this morning. figured might as well share while I'm writing:
When you're depressed/sad/overwhelmed or tend to be on that end of the spectrum, brooding, overthinking, and someone says, "just flip the switch" it really does make it worse. Esp when they think it works for them, maybe it does but if 'i' could flip the switch and have it do something i would have a long time ago. A few other friends who struggle much more significantly than I do/have/hopefully ever will have expressed similar frustration with people's 'helpful' suggestions. "Yes, I know you're trying to help but you're actually making it much worse, reminding me that I don't have direct control over any of this."Okay... now take that and lets roll with it. More of a computer maybe, push the button, why doesn't it work? Why not turn on? The more complex the system the more challenging it is to trace the fault and the more likely the fault is more complicated than one disconnection.
Yes, flipping the switch, making the changes, I struggled with that paragraph a little, mostly trying to figure out how to put those words together in a way that fully explained it, but i feel i got it close enough.
I may have just figured the better metaphor. flip switch, nothing happens. Why not? Is it the bulb? Change the bulb, nope, maybe this bulb is dead too, but this is the only light, how do we test it. Try another bulb? okay that one was brand new. Move on maybe it is the switch? maybe the switch is faulty, maybe the wiring, maybe the fuse is blown, or maybe the power is turned off and there's no electricity anywhere.
so flipping the switch won't do anything unless everything else is working in perfect order. Now some people may have a working switch but maybe their plumbing is all messed up, or they have termites.
i think that's the better way to explain how/why flipping the switch doesn't work.
Now plenty of people can just flip the switch, but then maybe they have other issues, plumbing? termites? flooding? who knows. There are a few perfect people out there, but that is an exception not the rule.
So tonight, after over doing my Vo2 Max intervals last night perhaps, or just being tired from doing two workouts in a row? ME? WTF? I bagged it. Tried to take a photo in the dark (check the instagram) and made it home.
Made dinner and am SIGNED UP FOR MOTHERGUKCING SUPERCROSS CUP
SOOOOOO EXCITED
Can't wait.
write up Eco-Cross and Monstah? maybe tomorrow. But I may be using the hour or two I have of mid-day down time to work with my brother. Gotta find some way to make some cash to pay for food while i'm away. But hey maybe i'll bring keyboarded device and have chance to smash out a few words this weekend.
Also, check out this blog http://wheelsuckerdiaries.blogspot.com/ mutual friend connected Ray to me... kind of amazing how small the world can suddenly become.
Ok time again it seems to attempt to get some sleep. Life is crazy, and sleep is important (at least for some of us, i'm not lucky enough to be one of the ones i know who can make it w/o sleep, i do pretty well for a while but then, yeah i become mortal soon enough).
So much good stuff going on. Life. It is good. But ya gotta make sure you are paying attention to the right stuff.
heddwch
G
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