Pulled the plug on CX for this past weekend OBVS

[Call this the sitting at work filling in the end of yesterday's comments, filling them in from a different space after a bit of rumination and contemplation and the last 12 hrs of added overwhelming stimulus]

So yeah like is said: pulled. the. plug. Lots of factors, just tired lately, not going well, not feeling able to get incentivized enough to make the changes needed to do that and then there's the recognition that it is late in the season and I'm just getting slower and slower.

I've also ridden over 7500 miles this year. By far one of the heaviest mileage years, probably even surpasses 2013 but a good margin. Kind of want to hit 8000, under 500 to go until Dec 31st. Possible? We'll see how that goes. But I think perhaps this is also just part of the lack of motivation, or also the flip side: I've really just enjoyed JUST riding my bike, no intervals, no specificity, just riding this year.

Yesterday for example. Slept in, made waffles, slowly got my shit together. Fixed the brake hoods on the 1x1 Surly SSCX,

And went out for a ride with Syl. The southern exploratory route in prep for the RI Red Rooster Ronde. I felt pretty crappy, legs are off somehow, tired. Fighting a sore throat a bit this week, but not full blown sick. If I had headed to SupercrossCup i'd probably be knocked on my ass by something.

The ride was good, we talked about lots of stuff, and Syl had a great new couple tweaks to the course, not sure about those big hills in Bristol, but they are kind of cool, and it links in well to the flow, and they are pretty damn punishing on the SSCX with the 44x17.  very creative with the routing and it works well, flows well and is fun. A hell of a lot of fun. There's a good bit of road pedaling but much of it is scenic and low traffic and no so bad. Good bit of bike path and a nice mix of road then woods the road then woods so you stay warmer than you would on a straight up road ride and yesterday when we started it wasn't so terrible, but holy fuck it got windier and colder and at one point we debated bypassing the trails behind the Y but we were both so cold that it was a nice warm-up before the last stretch home.

We need to look at the schedule and nail down a venue that works and set it up, but it will be good, it will be invite only and it will be groups and it will be a fundraiser for Girls Rock RI.

Assuming the world is still in one piece by then.

The alternating views and opinions and positions waver from just shitty but relatively unaffected to full blown post apocalyptic full scale war with China/Russia. And I personally go through, calm but hopefully getting through it to full blown panic attack freak out.

It is making it very difficult to focus on the few things I have to get done. Very difficult. And the reality seems to be that we've become very much what we've fought against for so long. We've elected a fascist dictator who's basically poised to be able to whatever he wants with support from the other two branches of government.

And that is terrifying. Will those across the aisle be able to swing enough political might to keep everything in check? Or at least to mitigate damages and the erosion of life as we know it?

I guess we find out.

Till then we motor through, one step at a time, attempting to make things okay locally, w/in our sphere of influence, no matter how absolutely freaked out I am, I have to be someone that can help those around me, I have to give them strength, compassion, someone to talk to, someone who can understand what they are feeling and help them get through, no matter what tempest and turmoil rages inside me.

I signed up for the Secret Squirrel race, just the SSCX race...  then perhaps only do one day at NBX, can't see myself being functional enough mentally or physically to make two days work, even if I love that course the most. I mean I actually contemplated not racing it at all, just going and hanging out, helping and that's actually kind of moderately appealing. Esp if I can get hired to be a pit mechanic for someone.

I've also kind of set my mind on doing something really dumb on Friday. Getting the November Hundo out of the way. Aka that's really the only day I can do it. All of next week is hosed and I have too much to do between now and wed to take a whole day. So. Yeah...  there's that. Likely to do the couple lap thing again because it actually worked pretty well last time. This time I'll take a third waterbottle and some extra food though. Just because. I need the pedaling time to sort through the gallery proposal I've been working on. Saturday was great, I got a ton accomplished, images edited, first draft of the submission and all that, but the words, need figure out how to craft them into what I want to say in a way that takes less than a couple paragraphs. Gotta distill a blog post into a tweet, or a strava or instagram title/description.

And working on this is distracting from the events that freak me out of which I have little control over. Even if just barely, and too much of the time not at all.

Also I hate that fuckfacemcdoucheenstiengrabembythepussy is ruining my favorite color...  Fuck that guy sideways with a tomahawk missile.

Ah yeah now I'm grumpy AND forlorn a bit. But hey, WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS! Right? I mean we will? I hope? Maybe? Please?

okay - i've gotta move on to everything else to deal with. And then gird up in a couple loin cloths and head home.

heddwch
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