What is it with all this

I know i kind of overloaded my plate.

I feel like I'm at a potluck and the super sturdy plate I got and loaded up with delicious food is kind of melting, you know those paper plates right? They feel awesome when you pick em up, but before you can find a place to sit down and dig in it starts falling apart, you've gotta support it with both hands or risk losing all that food and the line is REALLY long and there isn't any extra food and you're really hungry.

And just when i find a place to sit down with a table to hold up the plate someone else grabs the spot...

keep walking, looking, the only person at this potluck w/o friends looking out for them, saving them a spot or able to go get a back up plate.

Rushing from one disaster to another.

Sorting them out each time.

Dealing with new wrinkles at every turn, every step. it is almost 5pm and writing this is as long as I've had to not move in two days.

Home late last night - made dinner, ate, and then suddenly it was late.

Up early to get in to try and recover lost time from yesterday. It is a different non-stop. I've had plenty of not easy, hard, physical labor jobs. I'm not afraid of hard work, but this is a different level of madness.

But then I have kind of been going non-stop since Jan 1.

Got a phone call about the blood work. Doc left a message, opened with "Well you don't have Diabetes." my internal response was WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE NUMBER no mention of the K levels so i guess those were fine too. LDL was one unit higher than the one the commission of pharma docs decided was the elevated line. One unit lower and no big deal...  Sigh. High probably because I keep wrecking myself pedaling that monster truck bike dragging my fat ass trying to follow the little guy with skills. repairing and shit. you know, fixing damage.

or it is all the unfiltered coffee I drink.

or there's no problem.

pisser was "I don't know what to do about it other than drugs"

Ain't NO WAY IN HELL you're going to get me to take any drugs to adjust those levels, Absolutely Fuck, NO. Freight train to bad health and complications and increased risk of death and the side effects? NO WAY. also why? For what reason? there's enough really good research out there showing a disconnect between these numbers and CVD.

I don't need anything else to get me wound up, but then there's the soybean oils and fuck I give up.

Fine - you like margarine? Go for it. Eat indigestible bullshit that ACTUALLY CAUSES CVD all those seed and veggie oils and stuff...

Fancy scope breaking, hours later and I get it back working, me, no need for others, but just because i can doesn't mean it was easy or i wanted to...

This is playing right now...  appropriate or not the musical vibe is a good one

Is this the best recording? i dunno - it is good though...

i really don't want another coffee but kind of feel like i need one to get the last pile of shit down before riding home and making dinner...  and then the aura of the sunglasses breaking, phone not working if it isn't plugged into battery backup or power (teather or die) and then the paralysis about getting it replaced, with what, how much? fuck, change carriers? why is shit so expensive, swappa used one? i dunno - sigh - def overwhelmed.

but i'll keep looking for that place to put this disintegrating plate full of food, i'm sure i'll find something, at some point... just not now... i just better not add anything more to this plate

heddwch
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Damnit https://youtu.be/NFXZNt4oLkE just started playing on the auto-play after the above... guess I can sit here for a few more minutes listening.