Escape

 Sometimes... one finds balance in a different means of escape.

Perhaps not balance...  but having been reading a lot, and listening to a lot of books, i actually started watching something. 

Felt good. Oddly. I'm exhausted but it was like reading a good book, revitalizing. 

WTF. Staring at a table screen watching a series? That's not supposed to do that.

And of course I started watching something that said - oh no you don't that was enough and it wasn't a full access invitation to watch the whole season, oh no, you can only see the first episode and a half before we say log in with your non-existent cable provider. And yes, Snowpiercer the TV series? Is just as fucking good as the film. At least the first episode and a half were.

And then someone started a free trial with netflix, so of course I started watching something, and needed the 'hit' the escape, the release from the hell, the impending civil war, the racial violence, the incredulous hypocrisy that is becoming this country I'm in, this insanely frustrating juxtaposition... Have to stay sane to help hold some imaginary line. I'm struggling with it.

Tag teamed dinner with the kid, stopped at a farm stand and paid for some veggies, made dinner, watched TV, escaped. But not TV on the TV, no - that's no my domain.

The shit i can sit through isn't something that others in the house can, and v/v... it is okay, it just is.

Fuck this is about as close to a drunken rambling as I'll get, similar feeling of exhaustion, lethargy, and the  rest of the emotions...

maybe I'll sleep well tonight, maybe i'll remember to bring the bike in tonight even. Probably should do that. If I don't the rain will roll in before I get out of bed. But then the bike will be pre-wetted. 

I dunno...

okay i know a few things, one of them is I need a break, not just a day off here or there to take  because i'll lose them, like i've done since losing the days in April, fuck we have been given many days off, i seem to find myself at work on those days...  oh well... it is okay, i'm just in need of a reset...  in maintenance mode now. What show? Altered Carbon. I really enjoyed the books but they were so long ago that I don't remember them well, other than liking them.

one foot motherfucker, one foot, then the other, 

amor fati motherfucker

heddwch

G