not much to say

 Social events here at work have a way of underscoring just how isolated and alone my existence is here. Microscopes don't throw parties. 

It isn't complicated but it is complicating. I did manage to overcome the social anxiety and the feeling of not belonging and went to the big all staff event. And it was just as lonely and isolation affirming as I expected. I ate a little food, got my T-shirt, had a seltzer water while everyone was tipping back beers and wine and hard seltzer. Yeah I panic'd for a minute thinking this was an alcoholic but no, it is just water.

Made it back, and cued this up. The Radavist has some good content. And this def lightened my mood and helped the mental state.

Featuring a Singlespeed was a bonus.

But here, now what? 

Dunno.

Realized I never wrote up the races. I should I suppose, if just to underscore how much driving it was and how much fun it was to race.

And now I'm contemplating racing on Saturday. I'll advised but also I've got this feeling of impending unavoidable not good kind of travel that I will have zero control over timing so there's that ominous dread about getting the racing in when I can and maybe the racing won't fuck up my back. Or it will leave me like a pretzel again. I'm doing all the old man back stretches and hitting the foam roller when i wake up after making coffee, when I get home and then before going to bed. Stretching throughout the day when I can close the door a little to my office and all that. Made me wonder, to those who's religion require many times a day of kneeling and prostrating ones, do they have a lower instance of back problems because of the routine practice... that's my brain... 

....

Fuck I really underestimated how much this whole staff thing is bugging me. Maybe I should watch that short film again.

ooh timely: https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/54/2/79 

yeah i went over and clicked play on the Duran Duran Rio Album i started listening to this morning. I had made it through 3 songs since being at work. 

and then went to twitter saw that and am back...

I should just head home. I wonder if there's any correlation to the fact that there's not a chair in the house I can comfortably sit in for more than 10 minutes if even 1 minute with my back...  probably not but still, it's been a frustrating reality for the last couple weeks.

Sigh.

Was having a pretty good not so bad day for a while today. 

Guess I'll work on wrapping up the last couple things once the other stuff is done that I'm waiting on.

This too will pass, just gotta lean into it

amor fati motherfuckers
G