smackdown and a whole week...

Smackdown happened. It was fun. Leland had a solo party with big Eian and the rest of us hung out going hard kicking each other's ass but then also waiting up most of the time after the sprint line.

Kind of like it should be. I was slow, but I didn't look at the data to compare just how slow, don't care except i kind of do. But it was good to get the ride in.

Slowly catching my breath. Sort of. Not really but inching back to sanity.

maybe.

There's always a pile of stuff to do, seems futile and so far I've failed to find enough rest and recovery, but hey do that when you're dead right? Past weekend was pretty low key other than the window and driving people everywhere and all that stuff. This weekend likely to be building bikes all weekend. Hoping to get in the Hundo next week and the RRRR recon on Friday.

Been taking an extended twitter break, helping a bit, NJ may have posted though, but that's almost a silent account can check in there and not interact and get sucked in like on the other twitter one.

Limited on FB as well. Helping? not really...

Still just listening to Fugazi radio on pandora non-stop pretty much, bike shop, here, home when no one else is around to listen while i'm cooking or dishes...

Haven't even posted a gram for 4 days...

Now that i've stopped moving and sat down to write something I'm getting very very sleepy. Dozing off almost at my desk. this holding still thing is nice...  I'd love got get a quick nap right now.

No rest yet...  best hit publish before I really fall asleep

heddwch
G

fuuuuaaaaahhhhkkkkk

I hate the time change...  still...  it has been a while and it STILL feels like 9 something PM not 10 something...

and waking up early is the worst...


I've deleted a couple dozen phrases at this point, literally....  deciding that...  fuck it...  my problem, as Steph always said "choices I made"

they've worked out before...  maybe this is the normal lull, the dip into the darkness that makes me appreciate the light...

or worse and negatively reminds me that maybe ...  [words left unwritten]

despite my mood and current disposition things aren't bad...  Copernicus probably couldn't tell, but then he's a dude, not so smart, all patriarcical and shit>>>


i might have another beer and unplug... or skip the beer and read more of the book...


long day..

things... better? i dunno, but were they ever bad? nope. can i ask for help?

nope

heddwch
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and then... you spend the weekend doing stuff and nothing

mostly, after the the last month, feels like nothing. But I did replace a window (twice) fix a scope at the picture factory so the students in my class could use it...

got shopping done and kid shuttled...

and realized that the time change has fucked me up. Can't wake up. daylight is weird, odd.

next two days are crazy, oddly these two days have been both, crazy and not at all.

can't really describe it all.

i've been reading, drinking a beer or more,

but no riding...  is should have ridden, but lately no energy for it,

getting enough i guess with the crazy challenging commute over the ice and snow.

dinner was awesome last night and tonight, happy about that I am...  small moments of happy.

Way too much introspection on true love and all that lately...  leaving it at that...  pry it out of me in person if you have the guts.

Life's strange, my next couple days are about to be stranger...  but hey, who's better equiped to deal with blindsides than GeWilli? no one.

And that makes stuff you can see coming at ya even more managable...

But those blindsides have been nagging me a bit more than usual. the house with the white truck parked in the lot day after day for one...  not sure why, i don't commute that way anymore now that the Linear park is open, but it still resides deeply inside.

I'm at that razor point of saying way more, or recognizing the futility and harm and just shutting up...

I'm going to go back to my reading, and say, hey, April 30th...  join us.  AKA all the Vanderbacon boys esp would be good for that skater punk to pedal in this arena

it will be fun...

heddcwh
G

So... post steamroller

also what the fuck do we call steam rollers that don't run on steam?

this week fucking leveled me. mentally and physically.

I'm sitting here a shell, useless, exhausted, cold, should make dinner (for me, everyone else got chiportly)

What's been going on?

Feb Hundo... IN DA BOOKS

Of course i waited until the very last day. Why not?

I set myself up well by getting 46 CXy miles in on single track and stuff on Sunday.

Official save the date April 30th. RRRR (RI Red Rooster Ronde)

We haven't ridden the route from start to finish but I know exactly how we are going to make it work and it will be awesome and fun, not too many hills, decent single track, some technical stuff, decent level of needing to pay attention to the Garmin and a few secret beer/bourbon caches. May need beer sponsor though if anyone knows of a distributor with a few extra cases that might go to a good cause.

So Sunday was brutal. It was long. It might have only been 46 miles but it was only an hour or two shorter than Tuesday's Hundo.

Most of the coverage of the Hundo is on Instagram (click on it over on the left or right or where ever the fuck i put it.) I did make the guys stop so i could grab a few shots, and they both got in the spirit and snagged a couple themselves (FB not IG for Brent).

The weather kept going from no rain until after dark to rain all day, every day leading up to it, back and forth, back and forth. Monday though had it clear, and Peng and Brent agreed to join in.

Paul's place was locked up tight as he said it would be but no worries, the route we took? Legit pretty fucking awesome. So little traffic, so many low traveled roads, pretty damn direct too. Not terribly flat but still 117.5 miles and just over 4k feet of climbing is pretty flat by non-flatlander standards.

Peng literally pulled us most of the way, but he's freshly graduated from college, he's racing with his home national team and has talent, and is 55 pounds lighter than I am. Oh and so is Brent. I had no problem matching them on the flats, had to hit the brakes on the declines, but uphill? Fuck that W/KG thing. Man being an out of shape big guy sucks.

But reality? The roads were so awesome, the riding was absolutely perfect. Temps were in the 40s and 50s, may have hit 60, but mostly still pretty awesome for Feb. Winds? Calm to start. dead fucking calm. They started to pick up a bit for the return but were mostly from the south so were either helpful or not a hindrance until i got on the bike path headed home into the wind.

Cadence was up quite a bit from my solo hundo's. I attribute it to the SSCX commuter, like tonight, easily ticking over 110 or so RPM with a tailwind. Smooth no bouncing. Looking down many times I'd find myself well over 100 RPM and thing "hey i could shift, neat!"

It really was a magical day on the bike. But man it kicked my butt. So tired and hungry the next day.

Needed it though. I hate it but and so grateful for the challenge. This NECX HOTM thing, best thing for me this spring. Forcing me to at least ride one century a month, last year I languished and suffered for not riding. And with the bike shop gearing up even sooner?  This is even more needed.

Art stuff?

Got my first gallery contract to sign, crazy stipulations but all pretty absolutely fucking insanely awesome. Super stoked about it.  Granted not till 2019 though.

Most immediate stuff is the Med School installation. need to get on top of that and get stuff ready to hang ASAP (next week).

Music? yeah still defaulting to Fugazi radio, but it is heavy with Dead Kennedy's and Suicidal tendencies. I think the Dks may be the most therapeutics.

OOOOOOH...

i am signed up to run a 5k on the 16th of march. currently debating if i should run before that or go in straight cold and stuff....

Also this administration is a fucking joke and it is maddeningly insane what they are getting away with. But at least i'm so off the hook insanely busy and about to get more so that well...  yeah, little time to dwell (I'm supposed to be cooking dinner, rice is on, the rest needs to follow NOW)...

so yeah...

Hundo was awesome, reaffirming that riding bikes all day with the best people is pretty much the best EVER.

heddwch
G

back to music

Non-stop day, strava will show that I rode in, went flat out and barely escaped to do a few errands and hid in the dungeon for a while before heading home with one stop.


One stop being the EP location of NBX. Call came earlier than ever. A good thing, but adds another layer.

Will crank out a handful tomorrow. the plan at least. Got thinking, assembling is kind of yoga to me, this process of finding a center, the repetition, the routine, the visible measure of progress.

Gonna need tunes, but plan in place. So yeah you can bug me while I'm building this year but you're gonna have to brave Warren Ave traffic. It is also the earliest call to build since i picked up the second gig. And yes, I know. I could be the manager, I could be the service guy, the guru, but you know what? I'm okay just putting shit together, the basement is mine, leave me alone, let me build, one my kids are earning their own salary I can start actually paying down my debt not just servicing it. When ever that is it will be what it is and I'll continue to try and work everything at once.

The art stuff.

One of the trips today was to discuss fire policies and options. And I think I have a great one now. Gonna need to check with it once but i think we'll be good and it will be a new novel way to print the stuff. How it looks? Hopefully not too bad.

Of course John R asks "How many are you gonna sell?"

Sell? What? I haven't made a profit on any of this stuff, i've sold prints and feel indebted to every single person who gave me money for one, literally, but also incredibly thankful to each single person. Because they are all, when it comes down to it some of the best people i've ever encounter.

Thank you.

I'm excited, scared, and more motivated than ever.

I definitely need to delve into the Fugazi radio therapy theory a bit more, but hey maybe it is fucking GCD and that stupid soap of his. I've been using the peppermint stuff non-stop since trying a sample or two in VA, got back here and bought a bottle of it. Can a soap and a morning regime of that oil change a person?

maybe,

but what i can say is i feel somethings shifting more positively and cementing in place. a weird feeling.

Yes some stuff is odd and may never settle, and i'm definitely likely to relapse, but we'll see how that goes.

Going to try and do our southern version of the pre-ride for our RRRR on sunday AM, the Rhody version of the RdR, homage totally and if we can make it happen my goal is to raise $ for Girls Rock RI, because they rock and have done some amazing shit for my kid and many other kids and women.

I'm less overwhelmed and not as freaked out tonight, but maybe because we had a lab cleanout 'party' and a few beers and pizza after, so that's skewing me a bit perhaps, or that i've plowed through a good number of the items on the list. Sort of.

be good, do good and ...

yeah more than ever:

heddwch
G

okay, when it piles up it really piles on

Hey lets talk about sugar again, and yogurt! Two topics that came up and i jumped in on in one of the brief moments today. And normally I resist, but I think the fact that I haven't even turned on pandora ONCE, haven't even listened to ANY music all day, and since i've even been listening to my Pandora Fugazi station while working non-stop for the last three weeks, i think my agitation isn't being tempered and dispelled by the music. That itself is a whole different web log post I think, one that I had meant to start on before I started writing this (this is a pre-amble to lead in to what I wrote tonight BTW, maybe some other writers do that, but since i'm not one I feel the need to be transparent). The thing about listening to all that 80s punk/hardcore loud intense politically charged, but with the respect and understanding of the culture and living through it, there's something new I've found listening. I also credit it for helping with my sanity lately on many levels. But like i say later, no energy for that level shit right now, just the boring, put people to sleep day to day life shit, back to what I was saying about today and no listening to music?

NO MUSIC TODAY SO I GO CRAZY....  except i didn't have time to go crazy and by the time I was home I was too tired to be anything but edgy, and completely stressed and freaked out about these next 10 days, why?

"What a Guy"

Sometimes you're just riding along and a new crew sees you... and they run that in the first 5 minutes, basically the top story on the local news. Link to transcript and new page here: http://wpri.com/2017/02/09/local-man-braves-the-snow-to-bike-eight-miles-home-from-work/

I may not have time to write more about the ride home last night, but it ranks up there as one of the more challenging for sure, fun? yeah.

It would be great if the bike path got plowed but sadly it isn't like to be any time soon.

had the luxury this morning of waiting a bit for it to warm up, it was 10F when I woke up and would normally leave. Now it is a balmy sunny 17F

Heddwch
G

brain has stuff rolling around to get out

This is important... gonna leave it here

CEO of King Center and Daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King @BerniceKing posted this on her Facebook page tonight. pic.twitter.com/EFTozapaEc

— Yashar (@yashar) February 8, 2017

and get back to the rest of the post stewing in my head.

bikes

what parents may have felt like in the early part of the 80s and Ronnie's rule

listening to non-stop hardcore/punk... aka Pandora's Fugazi station, Dead Kennedys, Suicidal Tendencies, Bad Brains, Agent Orange, Bad Brains, The Misfits, Black Flag, Sonic Youth...

Yeah so i'm a bit late to punk but talking with RayRayGrams at the show saturday night, thinking that it wasn't a matter of if i'd connect with it but when...

head's been clearer than it has been in a while... also, i hate to say it but even just doing the planks every couple days (when I remember) over the last week seems to be helping... aka self reminder that they actually fucking work... strange eh?

Back to scheduling emails and training sessions and work, maybe I can flesh it out more tonight while dinner's cooking, not sure what i'm making actually... other than I'm already really hungry... should have brought more food with me.

oh yeah... i'd love to be able to the subject of this study...
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28035015 but that'll take a while and a lot of luck before I qualify



heddwch
G

Lettuce wraps, GeWilli style

Had a few options for dinner, some red sauce, meatballs and pasta, maybe a squash and lentil soup, and lettuce wraps/cups/whatever...

Lettuce wraps for dinner. All the chopping but so worth it for the depth and layers of flavor.

A photo posted by geoff (@ge_willi) on Feb 6, 2017 at 5:18pm PST

And well you know, Goldberg asked was in them...

Listed in order of prep:
85% Pineland Farm ground beef (about 1-1.5#s) mixed with
corn starch, ginger powder, shoyu sauce and hoisin sauce

let sit while chopping carrots
4 large carrots, peeled and diced pretty small into a pan with some olive oil, splash of toasted sesame oil and some saved beef rendering. After all warm a splash of shoyu or two, cook till caramelized over high heat.

While carrots are cooking
dice one medium onion,
dice one medium red pepper,
chop cabbage (roughly the same finished volume as the onion and pepper)
dice up one can of sliced water chestnuts
(mis-en-place)

de-skin (not peel) 2.5" of ginger and one turmeric root
super finely dice both of them (i have special technique developed over years and years of experimental practice - will share on another post perhaps)
dice one serrano pepper
put all that into a bowl with some olive oil, using a Zyliss garlic press add 4 large cloves to that mix, and mix it all up and set it aside for a while.

Once carrots look good in goes the beef (obvs you could substitute anything for whatever - and making this vegan would be easy), use the carrots as you're mixing to break up the meat and get it cooked, just as you get some maillard reaction on the bottom of the pan add the onions and reduce heat a bit until they are sweated and mostly see-through.

In goes the cabbage next, and once you get that incorporated in there (should release steam and help scrape flavor off bottom of pan, if not add a splash of water) make a spot in the middle of the pan and put the ginger garlic mix in there give that 30s or more until it becomes very aromatic but don't let it burn (it may stick and that's fine). Get that all mixed in. Then add the water chestnuts. Mix again (kind of stirring a lot yeah, but it ain't Risotto no need to constantly attend to it)

after that? well sauce it up!

deglaze with some white wine if you have some (mirin or rice wine or pinot g or whatever you have open) i used about a cup. Add more shoyu, some hoisin, some oyster sauce, get that all warm, add a bit of water to get the sauce to really get some volume. Adjust seasoning if needed...  finally add the red pepper along with some nice purple daikon radish (the purple stuff in the snapshot) all diced into short sticks for texture.

mix, check seasoning, and serve.

as a variation to make it go a bit further increase the sauce volume and then add about 2 cups of cooked rice, I usually would use some brown basmati (because i like it - white rice ain't got no place in this house).

Toss some of that sofa king sriracha on there that Liz/Hannah shared if you want extra heat and more flavor.

We've been serving it in romaine heads, but you can put it in any lettuce, bib is more traditionally popular in the restaurants. I've used Iceberg in the past for its texture and extra crunchiness (but can be a pain to extract intact cup leaves).

Pretty simple, just a good bit of chopping, which if you aren't proficient at, just practice (this is good dish for that), but first get a good knife. For veggies that Santoku can't be beat, perfect for making transparent flakes of turmeric and ginger as well as dicing onions tear free.

anyway, food, from scratch, make it yourself....  choose better ingredients and your food will taste better. I'm pretty particular about my Shoyu sauce, only using the organic San-J stuff. And my hoisin, while a traditionalist departure it is the 365 branded organic stuff (who knows who makes it you can probably get it under a different label but - organic, and cheap and pretty fucking awesome hoisin flavors IMHO), Oyster sauce? I use the Lee Kum Kee Green Label Oyster Sauce. Olive oil? always and only (best price i can find for EVOO) The 365 stuff, it works for salad dressing as well as cooking and seasoning and flavoring and all the rest you might want to do with it.

That should cover it, if not ask questions

heddwch
G

Is it ever too late in life

The punk scene missed me, my brother was hardcore, straightedge (after many hospital trips with OD friends) then vegan, still vegan...  almost 30 years ago now or so...

Lately? Fugazi, and the rest of the punk stuff that my blues/rock/classical/reggae brain couldn't take in High School now is eminently listenable and resonating.

This stuff? http://theeopencity.com/ f'n love it.

seriously.

Certain CX'r is in that band, and they're coming to PVD Saturday... playing at the http://www.auroraprovidence.com/ with a few other bands but music is music no? hanging with my kid listening to stuff? doesn't sound so bad. I may need to ask Andy Huff for hair pointers...  might as well go full punk..  at least with the hair.

I'm going to to go to a concert? SRSLY? first one since Deltron 3030 The Return with David B.

pretty stoked actually because my oldest is almost more stoked than I am about it. And father kid stuff is good right?

Right? no it is amazing. Gonna be a busy saturday...

but hey, take a listen, buy some music, support some artists... or at least click and listen if you can manage a bit of punk.

Feels like a friday, but is only Friday Eve.

I've been trying to focus on posting photos with carefully selected words on Instagram, and it has been not so bad for me, so check it out if you want... some of the snapshots don't suck.

Haven't yet managed to crank up the ancient SEM and work on Nanoscape stuff...  and that's bugging me, but, kind of unusually stoked to be able to go to Rachel's show on Saturday.

super random i guess.

'Stas's b-day is tomorrow....  she's amazing and if you're in the MD/DC area and need someone brilliant compassionate and helpful send her some bizness https://www.facebook.com/joyfulsteps/ as in you should be a client. And if you're not local and need someone, she does do the whole phone/skype thing too....

Time to eat some more food, and start reading some fucked up soviet sci-fi shit. This novel gets crazier and crazier. But so good.


heddwch
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odd narrative tonight

I'd planned to leave early due to impending snow storm and damn that was a good move.

Got the girls from school as it closed and was ready to shut the doors early.

got dog food and home with a few extra supplies.

Got dinner made, braised beef with carrots and red pepper, chinese style....  i thought it was pretty damn amazing, not sure the rest of the crew liked it as much as I did, the oldest protested,  yucky squishy peppers (they weren't squishy) or something. 

As I mentioned earlier today I started reading that book.

I've kind of kept reading it.

We're fucking doomed but human. This story, this russian sci fi novel from years and years ago... keeps striking me as what I'm seeing now in the news. It is bugging the SHIT out of me. How fucking precise it is. Fuck '1984 man George ain't got nuttin on these russian dudes and "the Experiment"

oh, further struggle: goddamn locust wood. If the shit isn't totally dry, like split and set for a year and then covered for months, it's fucking smokey garbage. Burns slow as hell and if I open up the dampers at all the house fills with smoke. Maybe it is time to replace the seals/gaskets on the doors of the stove. 

Still makes the heat though. 

Is it odd that so many authors have written about what we're going through now here in the US? I mean like dozens, perhaps hundreds?

It makes sense. People can see the tendencies of the assholes and the exploiters, written across the sky, unmistakable flaws in human nature. Animalistic I suppose. Once you humanize someone they understand it and stop being that way. Until then they're C.R.E.A.M. WU-TANG!!!!!

I am a wrecking ball at the end of a pendulum. Sure maybe a giant pendulum is a wrecking ball but i'm self contained and mostly just fuck myself up with each swing, pretty okay in the middle, the edges? fuck that sucks. In theory it should settle right? stop smashing the walls, and slowly just become centered on whatever center is my guide and core?

Kind of stoked to read more Russian Sci Fi tho, this shit is as good as the rest of the russian lit... but then...

well...

the USA is gonna be producing some damn fine writers and artists in the coming years. May we be blessed with just a few years of this Fascist bullshit, if it carries on? well...  even more art and writing and music to relate to.

Yes, I'm an artist. 

A sensitive motherfucker, used to just be called weird, lately it seems they call people like me empaths. Back then? No one understood. Even those of us who where. But i'm skeptical enough that I doubt all this BS, sensitive humans are just sensitive. 

Most people are not. More people who are, aren't mature enough to deal with others cleanly, myself probably included, but lately getting better. 

I should probably be reading instead of writing right now.

Avoiding the social media's has worked pretty well. Barely touching base, day one of the experiment.

GCD said something, "what would it be like if you didn't have a smart phone or internet and just interacted with the people around you"

simple, but i can't be be absolutely astounded by the intelligence and compassion and awareness of people i've met, I'd call them all friends, but saying someone is MY friend seems so wrong, being a friend isn't something that can be pushed from one side or labeled....  it is like a hug, you can't have a one sided hug, requires participation from both sides, even if you are someone like G-Ride.

These last few months have been insanely productive in how all the myriad of puzzle pieces that make me up seem to sort themselves out. Mostly in that I'm finally figuring myself out more than in the past. Catalysts coming from unexpected places...  but a path, trajectory that seems good finally. Of course that loose fucking Fascist cannon in the exec branch is doing a damn good job of derailing, I have to remember, that assbag doesn't define me, doesn't define my friends, definitely doesn't define anyone in my family, so that's a spreading network of hope, in so much as intellectual obstruction to this exploitive douchebaggery.

I'm going to read a bit more, then perhaps sleep, then perhaps put studded tires on the SSCX bike. Although, tempted to just say fuck it and run w/o studs tomorrow....Need another set of Disc brake 700c/29r single speed wheels....  esp now. But we'll see what it looks like when I wake up. Late to work because I was swapping non-studded for studded? So, be, it.

be well, do good, stay strong, peace, non-violence, resist but don't inflame, seek the solution...

heddwch

G

The Ouroboros...

So I started reading one of the three books I loaded up on the tablet over lunch, as a way to do something with my idle/eating/down time other than read the internet.

trying times eh?

So classes have started, today, for me. Teaching that is.

I looked at twitter timeline twice today. Once before I left, then again at about 11am or so. Not counting checking notifications. Like scrolling through the amazing awesome wonderful people I follow.

Retweets and comments alone created a wave of crippling hopelessness and anxiety. Checked this morning and was powerless to leave for half an hour.

checked again later and it delayed lecture prep by an almost catastrophic thirty minutes.

i was down to the wire with prep, as always and that didn't help.

SO grateful, beyond words, that so many of my friends are able to act and affect. Can't thank you enough with hugs.

But I've slowly begun to realize, that if I'm going to function through these dystopian fascist times I'm (me personally) going to need to tune some major shit out. I mean, I just can't, deal.

I will enable, I will help, give me something specific, I'll do it but i can't bleed out at the price of being able to support those here in my nest, at the price of the education the students in my class are looking for, I can't sacrifice being positive and helpful.

And that is a struggle. I want to do everything. I want to resist and be active down to my core. but pulling back may need to happen even if I risk missing articles like this. Andrew crushed it: so good, on point and yes Thom K, bang on MoFo.  Also Thom, i know about the lower level of the cooler, don't worry, as long as you don't have Bud on the top level as a decoy i'll leave the fancy stuff alone.

What am I saying in my weird round about way?

I think I may be saying i need to back off and just create content, post pictures of gorgeous commute vistas, but... not check anything more than notifications.

I need to survive. right? Intact....

I don't see how I can if I keep absorbing the news.

Riding the bike has been good.

Need more time on the saddle.

Watching Worlds with my wife was awesome. She's joined me to watch all the races at home I've cued up. We watched Fuggi together, the U23 and the W Elite on saturday this week.

Maybe a maturity of self recognition? I can't fight this political battle emotionally and still take care of those who depend on me. It tears at me but I know I need to be strong for those who depend on me, my kids, my students, those i'm responsible for being at my best at work and at home....

Local influence, aka personal, face to face, encourage and support peaceful non-violent action I will.

If I have money in the paypal I'll give it to good causes. I had just enough to buy a raffle ticket for the foundation in memory of a rider who made a huge impact on my daughter, to support the rider they sent to worlds.

I didn't win. Don't worry Jerry, I haven't won anything since you made me feel bad about winning shit. Although, I guess I do have to admit to having my name pulled first at the 1PVD raffle, I got a $160 dollar Pearl Izumi jacket and some compression socks for my $40 donation. It worked out i guess.

But being there with everyone was awesome. Having English David's (mr Rapha now) tall gorgeous wife introduce herself to me finally was pretty cool. I was as awkward as I could be unintentionally, and fortunately my wife stepped in and was the ultimate diplomat. It is always good to have someone around who knows you better than you know yourself.

Current crisis? Out of beer. I'd planned to stop drinking this semester, hell I planned to have an AFM for January once back here in RI, and well that lasted a week. And during that week i've never been hungrier and we've never had fewer snacks or quick calories laying around (I ate more each night in calories than I usually had in beer).

I could run out and get more but maybe Kung Fu time...  battle the demons inside. Even if they aren't demons and are just thirsty. Have some water mofo.

Also dinner is ready. Food. Tacos on Monday night because maybe it'll help get the weekend over sooner.

sort of round about though...

I may have to stick with instagram only going forward.  can't take twitter or facebook anymore...  and even then just use instagram to be a content creator, not consumer....

we all have to survive somehow, and figuring out how to do that is just as important a job as those who can really make a difference in this crisis.

Erin says "two steps forward, one step back" suggesting that we're in the one step back phase, but it feels like we took one step back into a bear trap and now we have a broken ankle and are at the mercy of vicious beings w/o empathy, remorse or conscious.

May we all get through this

heddwch
G

January Hundo done

In the books, exhausting, not sure i've even ridden 100 miles since the last Hundo in December.
That's sort of the definition of not doing it right, right?

First 55-60 miles were with Brent and Bettridge. great guys, seriously, really really good guys. They get it.

Kind of funny, the Prov Velo gang is mostly a bunch of empathetic guys, there's not an exploiter among us, completely pretty much totally politically and socially aligned, and we're all unified by riding bikes and flying our flag. except we don't have a flag.

Brent posted about a ride yesterday, i'd been thinking about doing the ultimate torture test and putting some aero bars on the SSCX and light tires and riding 100 on the path. back and forth. 15-16 laps from the dairy bee to the top parking lot there on the bike path.  Brent heading out? same day? Last day of decent weather? Duh. Took a vacation day. Headed out.

Initial plan was to leave at about 7:30 am and get 2 hrs of riding in before heading out.

I was barely able to get out of the house by 8:50 and got to 7 stars on Broadway w/in seconds of Brent. So much for extra miles. White Blue is done, fuck that bike. Great CXy, shitty everywhere else. Maybe it is a shitty CX bike but it is the best one I have other than the Surly 1x1 which is really just a 26" SS MTB with room for some 700c CX tires, not even a CX bike.

It was fucking windy yesterday BTW. Brent intially wanted to go west. Wind from North means cross most of the way. So I lobbied (successfully) to go north, into the wind. Then blast it south.

Check Brent's strava  title, made me laugh. Said something like "when it is windy always ridew with GeWilli" or something.

Well they had stuff to do, places to be, dads of responsibility. I had the day off, and 60 miles in the bank, only 40 miles and I could check off my January Hundo for the NECX HOTM club.

Brilliant idea man me thought, shit i'll just do the 6 mile loop on the EBBP from the overpass at the shit plant to the top just before the downhill.

Super good, except I had a 15-20 mph headwind. Going south? no big deal, riding back? HOLY FUCK THIS SHIT. Check the HR data over on strava, funny. Not really.

First one? not a big deal. Second one? I just wanted to turn around and ride home, fuck this shit. If i don't make the hundo? who cares... so easy, just ride home. done. whatever. who cares.

I kept riding.

And riding.

Ideas, maybe i could take out the trainer and just pedal until 100 to avoid the wind.

I kept riding.

Soon? no big deal.

That cusp of the feeling of wanting to quit but then mentally pushing through and breaking through. No great mental chemical reward, nothing rewarding. But I got it done. Good thinking too.

Most importantly? Avoided the absolute horror show of the state of politics now.

terrifying.

seriously.

Irreversible? not really, patience grasshopper. But FUCK THIS SHIT IS REALLY BAD.

Like if you are going to try and tell me it isn't you may get punched as hard as that fucking Nazi asshole, but i'll actually connect and probably break your jaw (and my hand). There's a reason people don't want to fight me. Historically speaking. No, i'm not some roid jacked up muscle head. Just saying, don't start.

Shit is fucked.

Check the instagram though. words tonight...  mean it.

I read Kyle's post from the EPA folks on FB and got completely derailed. Such a good day, productive. got shit done.

then read that...  as it all piles up, where do we go from here?

Best part of yesterday?

Being on the bike all day. May have been insanely windy, but, it was better than checking in at all on Twitter of FB.

Kind of consindering taking the lead and avoiding it all.

But.

Hype machine needs to rev a bit... RI Red Rooster Ronde has to happen. Need to harness the hype machine.

But hey, Hundo is done. Now to worry about Feb. My class starts on Monday. When I combined the list of those who've enrolled in the class with those on the waitlist i have maybe 5 people who won't have a chair to sit in, small room, small class, major popularity. So much so I have PI's calling me to try and get their grad student in the class. Wish I could up the enrollment, is all I think. Why weren't we ever this oversold when Robbert was teaching it? Hmmm..  Now suddenly EVERYONE wants in on the class.'

S'okay. As long as I can get some extra miles in I'll surive.

There was something else I wanted to write about, but...  bikes, politics, teaching, jobs... what else?

Check the Instagram (link over there somewhere) too keep more temporal. i'll try and keep writing....  drama not withstanding.

Getting better idea of self (finally) but then fucking moron's elect this shitbag cheetohead and we're totally fucked. It was better when i was lost and depressed and unsure and everything else was okay.

This is pretty much worse.

but fuck it...

ain't gonna derail the train...  clydesdale momentum ain't nothing to be trifled with...

Cue up Sure Shot

worth it

Heddwch
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Brief history lesson

of the orange suit...

after a quick (raw and unedited) pano from this morning

too much traffic, had to tone it down

way too many page hits according to the almighty google for a bit there, had to go radio silence to let everyone's attention wander.

also typing on bluetooth tablet keyboard is kind of different, wee bit closer together and odd placement. as long as i don't hunt for the slash over the return/enter key i should survive.

I'm back on the bike, finally.

Plans to run in VA didn't happen. I had a beer for breakfast and said fuck it most days down there. But that's vacation right? What ya supposed ta do? No?

The drive north solo was exhausting, the week with the girls after not sleeping (bed and me not compatible down in VA) was managable but also not recovery but hey Nationals, and with Saturday open and Sunday open the plan was to go to Nationals both days. Woke up early sat and headed out, picked up Deano, drove to Hartford. Instagram tells the story better, but hey, we got there, it was in sane, running around in the cold all day giving everyone all the bourbon they want to drink too something out of me. Plan was to be there sunday too, but the drive home kicked my ass and i may have had more bourbon when i got home and couldn't sleep for a while. When morning rolled around and I was thinking "gotta get up, shit shovel? shit 12 degrees? shit" also being super tired, absolutely non-functionally tired and then Dean says he's staying home, and well...  i was beyond tired, driving solo, and more or less incapacitated, so i went back to bed and watched Sunday's race on the internets. I didn't get outside until the end of the day and did the worst shoveling job ever at peak temps just before the sun set and it got cold again. I haven't been that tired or exhausted in a long time, borderline sick and if i'd gone who knows what. Overextended isn't fun. And potentially dangerous and well...  as much as I wanted to be there on sunday, not going was the right call.

Tuesday I had planned to get back on the bike but with 7 degree F temps in the AM well, what's one more day in the car. So i dropped everyone off and picked them all up.

Finally back on the bike on Wednesday.

The Surly 1x1, with my special favorite race tires, too tired to swap em out. Rode that bike W Th and F (today). Planning on sorting the tire situation out tomorrow. Planning, but my follow through with plans lately sucks.

Gotta get fenders for that bike and make it full commuter. Also 44x17 is way too light for tailwind, I've got a 15, probably gonna swap that on when i have the wheel off to change tires. Kind of wish I had a second set of wheels for this bike so I could stud them but yeah, i don't. Gonna deal with that issue when it comes up next. Maybe i just do lots of tire swaps this year.

January Hundo is coming up, like it or not i need to get it in, some how. Maybe ride to plymouth, because why not. maybe i'll actually make it to the printer guy to get a quote. Classes are going to start way too soon, so we'll see how this all shapes up. Tenuous grip on everything lately.  Avoiding all politics if i can. They are NOT discussed around me at home. I'm still pretty much freaking out about everything,

there is some good non-politic stuff to comment on, maybe i'll find time to do that soon.

for now, just writing...   just to write and to put negacoach to sleep.

heddwch
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2016 Veloviewer summary

Yeah just another infographic...

still haven't ridden, sort of slept last night...  being productive at work, but not getting to the proposal that would be due on Saturday, maybe tomorrow. or tonight. or not.

heddwch
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USAC nationals, aka the clusterfuck

Sure, not a problem if you're in the top 25%.

Not a problem if you get good conditions or have a decent field, or a race on Saturday once the bugs and issues are either steamrolled by a thousand riders into braindead lines of speed and flow.... but...

Some how some time in the last 10 years the B races, the non-championship events moved from the early Saturday/Sunday morning slots in the frozen can't wreck the course times to the first day and now they are not category restricted.

Sure bring in more money. Super attractive for those who are going to be at the front end of their race. I can't deny that. But then if you sign up when it opens thinking it is a non-champ/B level race (hasn't been billed as a B race in a while I guess - look at last year with Jared winning his Non-champ race on his single speed to test out for the SSCX race).

Look at field sizes, they seem to be going down. Total number of registrants is a bit more than Gloucester but we're talking SIX DAYS OF RACING (not two).

Hey, I make no point to hide that I feel pretty much that the one single thing that made my last two trips to nationals suck were the organization and officiating. AKA why I pretty much have zero desire to register for another race at Nationals ever again.

Yes. I got into it a bit more than I should have on twitter. One comment by Nikki that seemed at odds with Marc's race, and, then Adam getting all pissed off that he could do 12 minute laps, but then NO ONE ELSE COULD! Duh, not elite jersey podium level speed but he can hold his own in a pro-race w/o problem add years of experience in those kind of conditions and of course he's going to do way better than most anyone. Fitness and skill crush it.

But what kind of value are the people who are turning a bit slower laps getting? Sure, some BEG to get pulled and then are upset when they are left in.

So who's at fault? The timer scoring people trying to juggle this fucking clusterfuck? NOPE!

DIsconnect between course designer and Governing body. Who sets schedule and race times?

Who sets up the course?

Who wants to make the most awesome challenging course to really see who's the best Elite Female and Male racer in the US? The course designers. And that's fucking AWESOME.

HOW FUCKING AMAZING WOULD IT HAVE BEEN IF TUESDAY WAS ELITE RACE DAY?????


OFF

THE

HOOK!

But to have Jack K and Adam M racing against Cat 3/4s in those conditions? for only 30 min? Just so they can get hot laps in at race pace in conditions they'll never see on a course they're likely never to see on Sunday?

FOR WAIT AIM? FOR WHOSE BENEFIT?

If USAC's goal is to disenfranchise and make even more people like me who will totally swear off and be absolutely as negative as possible about what they are doing now? KEEP GOING KNUCKLEHEADS!

I MEAN WHO AM I? No one. My race experience doesn't matter, to them. But they seem to be all inviting, "Hey come race the non-championship event, it is only 30 min, kind of like a cat 4 race, don't worry it is just for fun, but we'll still charge you a good bit more than if you raced somewhere else"

Okay so, you have 12 min lap times for the leader, and it is a 30 min race.

HEY THAT SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S GOING TO BE A PROBLEM.

No SHIT!

Yes, I spent tuesday watching the live updates. In fact GCD and Resultsboy and I had a bit of a twitter chat about it all something about F5 and stuff. I wasn't there but I watched it.

Did it seem like a giant cluster potential? Yup. Do i envy the position the course designers and the governing body put the timers/scorers in? Nope.

HOW DO YOU FIX IT?

Well, shit, don't let me be just one of the complainers. How to fix it?

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO!

Age group Nationals move BACK to December (yeah we'll have TWO national champions in one year, makes up for the year we had zero).  Make it 4 days. Have an M/F Elite C1 or C2 race on sunday just to toss in some extra sponsor/prestige if you want. Throw in a 3/4/5 race Sunday morning at the but crack of dawn. Call it a non-champ event. Hey have two of them a u35 and a 35+ Toss in a women's non-champ event Saturday morning same deal u35 and 35+. CASH MONEY BABY!

Then Elite Nats happen the same day as the rest of the world (besides Canada still). Make it a 3 day event. Do some non-champ events of Friday so the pros can get their hot laps in.  Throw the SSCX and costume and industry events in for the Elite nats to draw different people in. Simple. Sat and Sun are for UCI racing only.

OOOOR YOU PUT IN A SUPERCUP LEVEL ELITE C1/2 RACE THE DAY BEFORE SO THEY CAN HOT LAP THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER (for points and $$$$ w/o complicating slow people).

Benefit for the Elites? They get to race a course not totally chewed up but 2000+ riders for a week. Aka it won't be a paved super-speedway.

Extra costs? Oh for sure, no question. But then you know what? It might work out.

But it probably won't happen.

Here's another suggestion if you don't like that one.

To race nationals you need to be a cat P/1/2 even for age groups.
AND
Non-champ events are for 3/4/5 ONLY

SSCX and costume/donut/industry? fuck it, who cares, open it up.

I've only been racing CX since '97, I went to '06 nats, missed KC, went to the first year at Bend (not the second because damn that's a challenging place to get to) planned to hit second year at Wisco and then that fucking florida mouse asshole had to put marathon week on CXNats week EVERY FUCKING YEAR since, and so a triumphant return last year only to be hahahah fuck YOU.

I'm an idiot. no question. I'm stubborn and will keep pushing it. But even I have my limits.

USACycling has made it pretty clear, they want me to register, they want me to sign up for as many as possible. But once they have my money and I don't even have my number? All i feel is dirty and used and suckered.

(for the record, i've had two beers tonight, yeah cutting back means one thing, insanely sober and i'm going to be awake all night thinking about what else to add to this)

Is there a solution?

Probably not.

Do I matter in the scheme of this whole thing? Def don't feel like it. Probably for the best. Answer: No

Plenty more to say I suppose, but whats the point. Negacoach falls asleep before he gets this far into the blog and no one else is reading besides Fox in Seattle and he doesn't even own a CX bike.

This weekend's current plan is evolving. Def showing up on Saturday to take in the spectacle. Will I come back for the main event on Sunday? After tonight's discussion? I might not. Who wants to spend 4+ hours driving on the shitty roads between PVD and Hartford just to see a blowout by Hyde and KFC? I can stay home and watch it live on the computer if they actually can figure out how to make the broadcast succeed (which I'm sure they will... maybe).

Close enough to be local, too far to go for the day durning the week given schedule limitations.

Also, I haven't ridden my bike since the december hundo...

I'm tired (just typing is wearing me out, swiping/tweeting is so much less effort) really tired. December fucking kicked my ASS. I didn't sleep for shit in VA, didn't sleep for shit last night AND I EVEN CUT WAY BACK ON COFFEE... can't fucking win for trying. But, whatever. Keep moving forward.  Stubborn that way i guess. Stupid too. Too observant though...

Tweets composed and deleted since starting to write the post: over 10 now. Some probably would have been good, some were supportive, some were an attempt to be funny but 0 got sent. because i'm overdrawn on the confidence bank and am second guessing everything.

which really is situation normal.

oh well...

so yeah, i'm happy to talk about my feelings about Nats but does it matter? No, very likely not to convince anyone, or make a difference, so fuck it.

but at least I have the web log, can spout off w/o pissing off the twitterati, besides everyone who reads this knows i don't know what the hell I'm talking about. #tooemo

heddwch
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Happy new year

2017 eh?

Writing on phone while in dentist office waiting room, thoughts flowing about as fast as I can write here.

Practically passed out last night, woke up at 5:15...  Tossed and turned for a bit then fell asleep until 10:30 when the dog said "get up I have to go outside, NOW!"

Wrote the above yesterday.

Couldn't sleep last night. Back to being amazingly fatigued, making dinner... Recipe forthcoming if it turns out OK.

I'm in fucking turmoil and agony not being in Hartford....   But balanced with being totally overwhelmed with how much there is to do here at home.

Being gone half of December is not good when you're the one who does everything other than laundry. But hey if I disappear for another weekend, what diff does it make.

Medication worked for the holidays, guess we don't stop it till after CXNats are over. Or when ever giant flask is empty (see Instagram)

Heddwch
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