after ~3+ yrs . . . It is alive

The Q Pro

so we will take a break from the serialization of the RdR2015 coverage....

wrap up will have to wait.

or will happen when I finish this thought.

maybe.

truth is inspiration and the energy to give the final RdR installment all that it deserves is lacking at the moment.

got super derailed yesterday, hard core off the track the whole train in a tangled mess of wreckage kind of derailed.

didn't see it coming, knew the potential was lurking lately. not sure how to get a handle on it all but I keep trying, keep putting one foot forward and stuff.

I managed to impress myself with the flavors of dinner at the same time getting the Klein rideable again for the first time in 3? years? Long enough that since getting the smart phone thing i've never ridden it (or created bike profile in Strava).

Downside? I messed up the seat height by a few mms (too high) and now the back of my knee is sore from the ride in, we'll see if it sorts itself out before the smackdown.

The cassette that we had at the shop? an HG-50...  a 14-25 (14-15-16-17-18-19-21-23-25)

Pretty f'n close to a straight block.

Lots of teeth too. Extra contact should make up for less durable and equal longevity of higher quality lower tooth count cassette.

And yeah - i was complaining about the 46x11 high gear. Is this any better? Not really. It is a little better maybe, one gear more. But that's plenty. that and now there's the super tight one tooth difference and the 55t big ring just looks huge, think solobreak's SSCX bike.

On the other end going from a 38x27 to a 42x25 low may be kind of dumb but then hey, you only go as slow as your low gear and now I've got 180mm cranks and a much more efficient bike.

Wheels are the same.

And man is this thing smooth.

I don't like the hoods anymore but they are positive and clicky and work and brakes that work? DAMN gonna have to watch out.


That all said, I still need to find my legs. Probably some lungs but it has mostly been legs and heart and brain lately. Despite writing about RdR last few days the glow is gone. dark cloud is back. But hey it is just really busy right now and there's nothing really to set my sights on, kind of adrift. Need to get through it all. Some how. Need to find the motivation and intensity to start the long build process i need to prep for CX and the massive self imposed pressure I've put on myself by already committing to CX Nationals this year. Seems odd no? so soon? Yeah well given what happens on the same weekend in Orlando a choice had to be made. Nationals or no Nationals. Not easy to commit so soon, who knows what's going to happen? But then I guess I can always go and know I won't likely be the slowest, and I'll probably have fun...

Very much hope that Bob puts on the TT this summer. If he doesn't that leaves a big hole in my prep. That or it puts just another thing I will have to organize and deal with. On top of everything else. On top of everything else. And already feeling overwhelmed at the moment I can't really fathom it, that and I don't have anyone to recruit to time it leaving me to time it and then not race it and then not benefit? Or maybe someone else has a solution. Or maybe I just have to say fuck it and Strava the shit and just find the internal discipline and get it done. At that rate i'd just as soon get on the trainer for a 20 min interval. I need a vacation. I need a reset. But how to make it happen. I can't actually relax or slow down. When everything you do that is somewhat for yourself is loaded with guilt, even a ride like tonight's smackdown gets sucked dry of the joy long before it starts. But I'll still line up. Sore knee, 'new' bike, heavy heart, distracted head. I'll still head out there because someone else is looking forward to the ride, and because I know attempting it will be better than not and the process of sucking less on the bike is insanely challenging for me.

Putting the Klein together last night I was reminded that it was the last complete bike I purchased. Everything else has been a frankenbike of make it work as cheaply as possible, re-using and making what I had work, only buying what I absolutely needed. Since that bike...  I guess I might have purchased the Klein Mantra after that but it was stripped down and parted out and then re-built, lost the complete designation. How many bikes since? The list is short. Giant TCX, Blue EX (too small, a frame that was ordered in an XL and then when arrived discovered to be a L and well unwisely settled and rode it), finally the Blue EX. Three frames since 1998.

I get comments both of admiration and incredulity about it. Sure, it is pretty impressive that someone who rides as much as I do, esp of the last 10 years, is basically wearing out one bike at a time. The reason the Klein QPro was hanging so long without riding is the 9sp drive train was so worn out that the chain wasn't shifting [well] anymore. Heck I've work at a bike shop for 4 years now P/T and haven't taken advantage of EP pricing on a bike. Part of me is kind of proud of it. It is a source of Pride that I've been able to make my shit work, I've been lucky, blessed, graced by good fortune (Zipp 303, Grammo CX Tubolaris). And I've made it all work, while a limitation, it isn't one that had any sort of impact on my results, or the efficiency of my commute.

It does REALLY suck in the rain because the only bike I had with full fenders was the Giant (broken frame). I've destroyed a half dozen clip on fenders and just have given up on trying to keep the road shit off the bike and me in the rain.

In the end it is fine. Makes for better stories right? I have persevered. Besides, I'm way too particular to be able to even find a complete bike I'd be happy with. It wouldn't be as perfect as the QPro, and then what would I get? A road bike I ride a handful of times a year? A commuter I only commute on? A cross bike that fits? Maybe a MTB? Heck that 29+ wheel size sounds kind of awesome. Or go straight to fat bike.

Which bike? None of the above. What I've got works. Dreams of getting the artist web page up and live and turned into maybe a venue to sell a few prints here or there kind of are fizzling because I don't have time to do it, the knowledge or the skill to set it up. Sure none of those things are beyond my abilities, but there's just too much. Seemingly unrelated sentence but, not in my mind. The idea that I could turn some print sales into a new bike were kind of like dreams of winning the Lottery. Heck Sparky hasn't even gotten Nanoscape up on their web page, should be easier than me trying to figure out how to build one from the ground up. Not like I can hire anyone either. And I sure as hell can't ask anyone. dunno why, that inability to ask for help. Graciously accpeting but asking, it just doesn't work. I tried asking at one point for something unrelated, something simple, just a sit down with a cup of coffee. No grudge held still, but what it did was set the framework back a bit. Not sure why I'm still writing right now. Should probably revert it all to draft and leave it hidden. At least there is some comfort that there are so many words on this page that few (hopefully no one) will have the time and patience to actually read any of it. There's a lot to do. Too much I guess.

Too much.

But then, there always is. It doesn't stop. It doesn't get any easier, or any simpler. This is me, this is my world. My life isn't really any more interesting than anyone elses, but my experiences are so atypical that no one really can understand, so I just write about them because I've been told I just never shut up a few too many times. It is impossible to chat with me. But hey. Things really are pretty amazing, stuff isn't terrible. And my constant search for perfection tints the view of the world around me.

I've always related to the father in Cheaper By the Dozen. Moral as I remember it, you can spent all your time trying to make things more efficient and time saving and helping others do just that to the point where you forget that the initial goal was to allow you to have more time, but then you wind up with less time and busier than ever. Or I'm remembering it wrong or confusing books.

I guess that is what it feels to be alive. I'm lucky, so very lucky, someday maybe I'll figure out the happy part.

There is always a huge amount of conflict before hitting a post like this. Too personal. too real. too clear a picture inside. But in a way I need to get it out I guess. Putting it in words helps me sort it out and work through it. Ultimately it is me. Just me... I have to be okay with that. No one else does. I am just me. The nice asshole who's a f'n weirdo know-it-all, that just made the rest of the week more f'd because I've been writing instead of everything else on the list.

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