one of those good things (topic split from other one last night)

Also.......

one of those good things...  one of those things that makes me feel like how I'm doing it isn't wrong. I get very very very little positive feedback. Very little support that I'm doing good. I also get very little to no comments about how I'm doing it wrong.

Either would be appreciated. Obs the first more so. But for the most part, I do absolutely the best I feel i can (unless i'm totally blown and tired and destroyed and then I just write nonsense, like now). I internalize every fuck up. Which, let me tell you, is NOT good for self confidence, because: I fuck up all the fucking time. But maybe even then I still fuck up less than most but does it matter? No because I am just judging myself.

So yeah, Hey you're doing great, "thanks"

that's kind of how one job is like, maybe two. the third one i fuck up more than i should, and am happy to take the blame.

I had a couple really good moments in my head today.

This kid on the ride said something about being stoked to finally meet Lesli at cross camp. He was effusive with praise for her taste, and the quality of work she promoted. And is there anyone in NECX who hasn't noticed how much she's done, how much she's given, how much energy she has? I'm in awe. Part of what I was trying to reconcile in my little overworked brain was, you know, some how you've gotta find an enormous amount of strength in moments of realization. Some how you (me this tall  weirdo) has to recognize that my enthusiasm and love and willingness to share my passion with anyone, is kind of unique. And it mighr be kind of cool.

And of course it is late.  But I'm also tired of being afraid to talk about things that provide boyancy to my heart. To my soul. Part of the donkey parable. Maybe only the bots in Russia saw the post that was up for an hour last night.

I don't have much to give. I'm broke. Completely and totally. I can't even come close to affording to register for a weekend at G-ster, but I did. What I have to give is my passion, my hard earned knowledge (that esp on food topics no one wants to hear about) but hey. You all know, if i can help I will. no question. And I've never felt anything but indebt to those who have helped me and have thanked them many times publicly. Because I know for me, that display of appreciation is worth more than gold.

So

to everyone who has helped me, tolerated me, hugged me, helped me...  again...

thank you

legit and deeply felt....  thank you

heddwch
g