burn out?

part of the burnout is the near constant recipient of people's woes, problems, issues, challenges, struggles.

was thinking about this - i'm not good at small social interactions. wanna talk bikes? i can do that, microscopes? yeah that too, other stuff? nope - can't, right now even listening/reading has been full up and turned off. batteries are dead and no chance to recharge the heatsink for all that stuff.

CPU is overclocked and overheating

that's probably the better way to look at it, sure, best way to fix it is to turn it off and let it cool down and the processing stop for a while.

can't do that.

so what happens? can run baseline critical stuff, but bump above that at all and shit gets bad, not terminal there's a decent self protect from totally burning up in flames and that's just the inability to do more.

Riding it this morning was full of to much thinking. Why can't I figure out the motivation to train, to do anything beyond the commute? Has my desire to ride gone away? No. I still really do love the whole cyclocross thing but am I at the point where i just can't/shouldn't? Walk away? move on?

Say good bye?

Just contemplating that hurts. What is the other answer? hire a coach? get a power meter? put on what bike? To be honest I don't have anything worthy of going hard/doing intervals on. I suppose the Blue would work. But PM would have to be something other than crank based. I dunno.

Drifting...  rode in w/o rain gear, in street clothes, in 58 degree weather. Shorts and short sleeves. Missed the rain but dunno what tonight will be like.

Made it as far as opening the page/phone number for the garage. I've got this legit physical/mental block/struggle with the phone. Like, just, can't, call. And so i don't. and here we are.

But one foot infront of the other, keep moving. Maybe I can find a few days soon to turn things off and reset. If i don't do that before the end of the month I'll lose two more days off. But I'd rather take them to reset and not deal with impending life shit like house/car/stuff.

Back at it - this set me back a few minutes, but I guess letting lunch settle for a few minutes before running around some more isn't the worst thing.

heddwch
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