physical manifestations

of emotional/mental state

didn't make it out on the bike yesterday

plans maybe to try this morning but the rain came in and while i'm fine with riding in the rain and the trails are rocky and sandy enough to shrug off the wheels in the wet the thought of being up and ready at that hour and then clean up after were overwhelming.

I'm digging the book but library loan is due and i can't even focus enough to read more than a chapter at a time.

Finally mostly almost able to sleep under the covers w/o being woken by intense pain as the poison ivy rash warms up. It still flames up when covered and warm but it is more of a warming post shower embro glow, that borderline of heat and pain.

I should be taking the tiles off carefully right now. I should be cleaning up a bit, I should be maybe in the car driving a million miles to a CX race in the rain, even though, yes, I'm still dosed up with a S9 PED. But I'm here. Hanging out on a rainy day with the dogs. Just me and them.

It might be enjoyable if I wasn't overwhelmed with the shit I have to deal with and the feeling of exhaustion.

And some how the two mid-weight jackets I wear all the time have vanished. One I had on last week, saturday, was getting warm, took it off, can't find it anywhere. It is bugging me. Where the fuck did it go. And my Pearl commuting jacket, the 30-50 degree weather one? Also fucking missing. Can't find either. And that's bugging me.

So strange, such a 180 from how I was feeling last week. Body has compensated for the drug, PI is out of the system. But at least maybe I got a bit better sleep last night than before. Steady improvement. Perhaps that will help. Also just getting the tiles off probably is a good thing to get done.

I should have ridden yesterday, even if it was just around the local tiny short trails. But I took the dogs for a walk instead. I watched a stupid movie and made myself some food.

I'm not even feeling like racing next weekend. Really Rad? I dunno that's where one of the Mark's separated his shoulder and I had to drive him to the ER in PVD, and that's the same race legacy that the other Mark did the same thing trying to bunny hop at Plymouth North and did the same thing. And that whole racing with the masters really really early. Or cheshire? too fucking far, don't care if it is a Zanc race I'm not fucking driving there.

Pretty sad sack of shit right now.

But i'll keep on keeping in on. Self preservation mode may be what's driving me to be a lazy oaf right now or something worse. I dunno.

Might go back to reading a little more, make more coffee, then tackle the bathroom wall.

I bought a cute little prybar set yesterday - should be perfect for delicately pulling tiles off the wall, gotta find one of the utility knives for the rest of the delicate demolition. Gotta be not me. I'm the one who usually over-wrecks stuff. I'm good at somethings but it is frustrating that I find certain things I just can't do, which I suppose is a relief. A reminder that even I have limits. Or at least limits that aren't self imposed by a shitty melancholic induced apathetic mood.

Maybe more coffee will help...  probably not

heddwch
G