sorry, just... not sure where to start or what to say and no motivation to write or share..
I did race my bike on Saturday, and rode in the woods on Monday and am racing Wednesday.
Spent sunday working on bike positions making it all the same relative to the saddle/BB setback and height.
the outpouring of condolences was heart warming but equally and opposite is the vacuum in the wake of it as everyone moves on and the event is out of their mind...
not mine.
I'm okay tho, sad, but functional...
back is def not full strength. woke up this morning a bit sore, def very much a huge set back, did not feel anywhere near as strong as I did pre-injury, and that's kind of discouraging, the feeling that peak form was Quad CX?
Had tire issue Sunday too, kept dropping PSI until I put it up to 29, casing maybe too soft/worn to seal with my big fat butt on the bike.
I keep having the visceral response to death, that this is it and when we're gone we're gone and that's even writing that viscerally terrifying. My brother admitted to being like that for 10 years... maybe i'll find something that helps come to terms with it...
maybe i'm not totally okay but this also really didn't start before reading the quote on my birthday...
there ya go - another reason to hate the day
To make it all worse I've been sleeping like shit. Basically bad sleep since returning, i got no sleep and had zero consistency with sleep timing while out there and was taking Aleve non-stop... last time I took anything was before the flight. I would guess my body is kind of wondering what the fuck that shit was good and now trying to re-equilibrate to get back to normal. Been going to be earlier because E is getting up before 5am to row...
more shit to figure out
okay fine - i'm in a bit of a funk - but still surprsingly good at faking it when pressed or asked... you're not going to get me to admit (other than here) that i'm not having an easy go of everything
But here these cheered me up this morning:
Do good, be kind...
heddwch
G
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