Here's a photo

 took it yesterday because the sun was doing something remarkably cool

Prep report

 24HOGG prep report.

So I went through the saga of the bike beforehand, right? The whole bottom bracket creaking thing. Using some green Vibra-tite retaining compound? Facing the BB shell, pressing it in. Having it be silent for a ride then start creaking like crazy? And then ultimately pulling the sliding drop outs off too many times (after a broken nut and then realizing the driveside drop out - broken nut side had worn and could move so I replaced it with a spare) I dripped some 70% ETOH down along the cups and the bike was quiet - making only some tiny expected creaks under the most load. 

Wasn't silent but was quieter than most bikes in the race. And I have no idea what it was that was creaking. The Dropouts do make creaking sounds like a BB but so does the BB and well who knows.

More importantly it is fixed so who cares.

Parts? I had everything. An extra rigid post, the spare saddle already on the 170mm dropper in case I needed to swap droppers, and a third saddle. I gathered all my extra brake pads, Oh and yeah I changed the rear pads because they wouldn't stop insane chatter, and I think maybe it might actually be the rotor being too thin, BUT not sure, anyway I did have a few extra pair (CX bike with the TRP spyres use the same shimano shape pads). 

No extra thru axel because Thom Parsons still has mine, but the spare for the Crockett is long enough to engage enough threads to work in an emergency, so I packed that. And cables, and housing, and put a few 180mm rotors on layaway and took them up, spare locknuts for the sliding dropouts, tires, tubes, extra sealant, lube, cleaner, grease, might have skipped the extra grips but I did bring the wheels (rotors, cassette and all) off the Top Fuel (good because that had the only functioning wheel sensor and that was key). 

All the Topeak stands and pumps (shock and floor and hand). Couple CO2s to pack on the bike with the dyna plug kit that all sat in the Topeak FASTFUEL DRYBAG X along with the pass through battery for the lights and Wahoo. I did try the burrito bag for that stuff but it was extra and had the space in the Fastfuel bag and no need to bounce something off the back of the saddle for all those miles.

The cushcore came in and I put it in and was so glad becuase I smashed the rear wheel on a rock three laps in a row in the dark. Hard enough that if the cush core hadn't been there shit would have been bad - busted rim maybe hard.

Gearing? 34x20 with 29x2.6 tires on Line Pro 40 rims (41mm internal width) Cushcore Plus Pro in the rear, Bontrager XR2 tires, FinishLine Fibertech sealant in there.

Yaris fork with 140mm upgrade, 180mm XT cranks, 130mm dropper post, 780 mm Raceface bars, Shimano MT500 series brakes, Wheels BB, XL Trek Stache (2019) in Matte Cobra blood. Odi Rouge lock on grips. Wahoo Elemnt with a fancy K-edge mount. Shimano 540 pedals and Shimano XC-7 shoes in 48 wide. NBX Castelli jersey (3XL) and XL NBX team bibs. Defeat wool socks.

EZ-up from my dad, the one he brought up and gave me for the 2008 24HOGG edition. We drove up together in my Golf packed to the gills that year. And it rained and I killed a few rims and all the brake pads, and a rear derailleur starting the last lap and almost didn't make the time cut and haven't ridden that bike since (the Mantra). Oh and last year I was missing a few stakes and the EZ-up started to fly away, I found my stakes, then borrowed a bunch more of the tie-downs and light stakes and more stakes. So in the end the thing had two sides up and a dozen anchor points and didn't go anywhere. Tent, a Kelty my dad gave me after college to replace a tent he gave me that was supposed to be big enough for me but wasn't. An Ikea crappy cot to sleep on, metal folding one, good for a shorter lighter back sleeper, not good for a 230# 6'5" side sleeper. But it was better than sleeping on a thermarest. NBX table, a couple chairs (that weren't comfortable to sit in) and shit what else? A cooler, I brought everything in plastic bins because the weather was forecasting scattered thunderstorms all day everyday. (we only had a few very very few light and patchy showers over the whole weekend - until just before awards started, it POURED for 5 minutes then, and stopped).

Did a pre-ride lap after the pit was set up, that is when I found the wheel sensor not working and swapped for the other one. Also tried to ride the pre-ride lap easily. That was harder than I had hoped, The gearing was just too tall. 

Last year the bike was set up with a 34-22 and 29x2.4 tires. That's roughly 44 gear inches. This year? it is roughly 50 gear inches. Way harder. And a bad idea. didn't take more than a couple laps to kill all the hard torque in the legs. BUT i managed to ride everything but the steepest stuff all the time. I put a wheel wrong a few times on one particular turn a few times, I did stop and walk and eat a few climbing sections, mostly just so I could eat, but also keep moving. Figured walking the course and eating is better than stopping and eating and then walking less. Not sure how that figures but if I had an easier gear I might have been eating less on the course? Dunno. But for sure I think going to an easier gear is a better idea. That or I need to lose even more weight and get stronger. That's by far the better option. 

Okay then we get to FOOD.

Like I mentioned, last year I think I mostly captured the prep on IG stories. So no real clue.

But I made a similar pasta 'soup.' I bought fancy pasta, that was a bad move. The shape was perfect but the fancy pasta was rougher cut and higher quality - i think the cheap elbows I used last year were better. And I opted to NOT add the olives this time and only made 4 quarts instead of 6 quarts. Spicy Sausage, mushrooms, white beans, tomato paste, chicken stock, pasta, and then once cold I threw in some zucchini. 

I had gotten a bit worried - wanted to bring some of those Trader Joe's Super Sour Scandinavian Swimmers and they were out of stock until the last minute. Packed three or four bags of those and one bag of regulars. Packed the mini-stroopwaffles, some TJ's fig bars too. A few cliff block sleeves and that plus the rice cakes were it food wise.

The Rice cakes were my take on a carbonara. 3 cups of dry Jasmin rice. Unrinsed to leave extra starch in there to help with binding. 8 slices of North Country Smokehouse applewood smoked uncured bacon, 8 ounces of sauteed mushrooms, 6 eggs scambled, parmesean cheese, and peas, a splash or two of soy sauce and some cayenne pepper. Yup. Put it all in a big bowl, mixed and mixed and mixed. Then packed it tightly into a glass enchilada pan - you know the big rectangle pyrex things). Covered that with more parm, then cut it into squares and wrapped in foil. They were actually REALLY good. All weekend good. SO good. 

AND then the sandwiches. 1/2 pound of uncured sliced smoked turkey (~8 slices) 1/2 pound of virginia ham (uncured) (~9 slices) and 1/2 pound of sharp cheddar (sliced). Mayo, yellow mustard and one loaf of sprouted whole wheat bread. 

DO NOT GET THAT BREAD AGAIN, it was good but hard to chew. I made 8 sandwiches (one loaf of bread) with all that. Made the sandwiches Saturday morning. Put them in a aluminum serving tray in the cooler. Mayo on one side, mustard on the other, turkey slice on mayo side, ham on mustard, slice and a half of cheese in the middle. The extra ham and cheese I made into a rollup. Ate all but two sandwiches during the race, the last two I ate that night after the race. Actually maybe there was one sandwich left for Monday's breakfast, I'm a bit fuzzy on that but it was the right number.

The pasta soup thing was Friday food. Lunch and dinner and then a little of it on Sunday night. 

Liquids? I make 4 pots of coffee, iced it down and put it in a gallon jug and a Nalgene. I brought two quarts of Keifer. One was Saturday morning calories and the other was post race calories. A bunch of Hi-Ball enegry seltzers. I drank one Saturday morning to conserve coffee and that was a mistake, too much all at once. 

Oh and I packed nearly a quart of muesli with milk and peanut butter, and tried to eat it all Saturday. Almost got through it. I ate a TON of calories saturday morning so much so that I was not hungry for a while but still managed to eat rice cakes and not actually feel hungry until Sunday.

Lesli brought a ton of stuff and one of the things she brought (like last year) were the tubs of Gatorade Endurance powder. I went through almost two tubs last year and since I was planning on doing this semi-self supported I had an idea to just mix it up in those 2.5 gallon water dispenser things you get at the store. I cut a hole in the top big enough to pour the powder in and it made a mess but worked out surprisingly well. A little strong of a mix, but that was okay I just added a little bit of water as I went but being able to mix or pick either lemon-lime or Orange each lap was important.

Always rode with two bottles. For most of Saturday I did one bottle of Gatorade and one bottle of coffee. Drank a little water at each stop as well, mostly to go with the Pickle juice. I did eat at least one pickle per lap. Grillo's of course. And drank a sip of the brine or two each lap as well. Rinse with water and good. Brought two quarts of pickles with me, one was completely gone by the end of the race.

It was hot but I never stopped sweating and only had one very subtle almost cramp, no real cramp at all anywhere, stopped to pee a handful of times, never too dark or too light, always in the right density zone. Kidneys always felt good, the rest too. I did take a few Mag Glycinate and Vit C through the course of the race. Not too many times but just enough to add to the mix.

Once I started in on the Super Sour swimmers I'd risk getting that sugar stomach, but eating three bites of a sandwich erased it completely. Too much gatorade? A few bites of the sandwich and everything was in balance. 

At one point I started carrying water because it was getting so hot on the backside away from the head dunk station, wasn't the best move but it helped. Would pour water on my head and then hot water would drain off. It was HOT out there. Like it never cooled off at night. Obviously it did but not much and the humidity went up so it never really 'felt' cooler. 

I didn't take shoes off once, or change bibs, or jerseys. last year I took shoes off almost every lap and iced my feet they were in pain. Changed clothes too. 

That took time. I just turned laps. 

Lots of laps, but not super fast because I had to walk so much of the hills, both from gearing choice and elevation and the choice of not going so hard that I'd crack.

Turning laps not taking naps.

Got to wondering if everyone that was complaining about stomach issues really just was tired. Having stomach issues saves more face than saying you were tired? Maybe?

Joel's bike was probably 10 pounds lighter than mine. Having a lighter bike also would help. As would being stronger and lighter. He finished his 17 laps 2 hours before I finished my 17 laps. He pulled the plug and then watched my laps, If I had chugged a Red-bull and left right away and found an extra pile of KJs I might have been able to hit 18 laps by the cut off time, but it also mean that all Joel had to do was turn one lap in the same amount of time and he could have easily done that. 

Finishing second wasn't so bad. It certainly was a big accomplishment, due in huge part to planning. And it was also pretty awesome that I was able to do it nearly self supported. Had lots of borrowed help and some equipment and Lesli and others were around if I needed something. So it was not truly a solo experience but it was close.

There's quite a bit more to the story, will get to that next. For now, this will have to do. Currently thinking about the Freetown 50 in the SS category. Just because.

heddwch

G

Watch this in the meantime

 

Take a few minutes. 

Worth it.

write up?

 soon, still recovering.

I did throw the 1st lap GoPro up on the youtubes

a full lap at normal speed with bonus post race footage

and then one already at 2x speed so you can then crank it up in playback on YT and go at least 4x speed to watch the lap really quickly.

Of course the gopro doesn't show elevation very well, makes it all look pretty flat. 

Working on the full write up draft in my head. Will get to it soon.

Here are the videos just so you have some content for now:

And yeah I finished 2nd

and the 2x playback:

heddwch
G

creaky creaky

 24 hours of creaking

That's about the whole of it. 

Don't have the tools to take the BB out myself, although maybe I just need some heat, possible, can't be any more creaky.

Was a good move not doing the ride last night. But very much trying to balance the idea of taking the jetta, it makes the house's plans more complicated if I do. leave the jetta and two drivers there have options, take the golf and only one.

Brain is trying to work through it all, over and over, what do I need, what do I have and meanwhile

creak

creak

creak

Changed the brake pads here today, took a fair bit to get the pistons re-compressed, but they are in and they were recently cleaned, will be better to have full size pads in there - if I have to swap i can put these half used ones in on the fly. 

I think i have to heat the damn BB up, need to get it over 350°F well at least the cups, shouldn't be hot enough to do much to anything but just enough to soften whatever the vibra-tight shit is holding on too but not making it quiet. Should have stuck with what worked last time, but I didn't. 

Made the mistake of starting the other book already, just plowing through at 1.75x speed.

of course it could still be the rear dropout... I doubt it but it is possible. When it broke it was bouncy enough and loose enough for long enough to have damaged both the frame and the sliding dropout. It didn't use to move in the frame. 

And yeah i still have to go shopping. At least all my lights have pass through charging, which will be a problem if it is raining but it looks like it might just be the normal daytime storms rolling through. hopefully, or at least hopefully I'll have enough to blast through the rain and charge when it moves through. 
https://www.mountwashington.org/experience-the-weather/regional-weather/mount-washington-valley.aspx

Not long range enough but the other forecasts show disturbances Friday and Early Saturday tapering off overnight. Might be pretty damn interesting for everyone. 

At least I found a selfish fender. 

I wonder how these XR2s will fair on the soil up there. For most of it I think it will be pretty damn good.

the swampy bits I'm worried about and the wood. Esp the bridge. 

it is definitely a different feeling this year. 

Creak

creak

creak

could be a long loud ride.

heddwch
G

useless pain in the ass

 This whole damn web log. 

I thought "lemme look back and see how much turkey and ham and cheese i brought"

half pound each? full pound each? THE FUCK nothing. No mention (that I could find) reading through) 

guess i'll wing it with the amounts. 

was reminded of the leg cramping at night, gonna try and avoid that shit this time, somehow. Not sure how but we'll see. Maybe need to take it way easier on the pre-ride laps, aka don't try and ride everything just because, treat the effort like a race effort, if I gotta work to hard to pedal, fucking walk. Or something.

lights, still an issue, I purchased one but didn't get that outbound hangover but hopefully DR will still let me use it and that'll be probably good. Figure keep it off mostly, then bring chargy plug and external battery, rely on front lights mostly maybe since there are two and can be swapped and charged. That is assuming the bike doesn't explode.

BB is creaking today. Started off quiet then got louder and louder. Couldn't get the cups out at home some maybe it was just the spindle. Tried but failed, worked on the brake a little. Maybe I'll throw some pads in if it isn't better tomorrow. And the seat post slipped while riding. If that collar goes it could be a big problem. Don't have a spare one of those.

Maybe need to clean and load it with friction paste.

Sigh. At least the tires were good, probably can go lower on the pressure, Bike felt great, if loud, I felt pretty good, got done with our ride and felt fresh enough to go out again.

of course two shopping trips and working on the bike outside for a while and I'm more like i need to lie down. Post shower I did and it was great. 

Looking back what I did write down was how stressfull the weeks leading up to the race were. 

here's to holding it all together.

Have I beat the shit out of this bike? Doesn't seem to be but isn't perfect. We'll see I guess.

If it is loud and creaky and holds togehter? that'll be enough 

finished another book, started another reacher book, different, a little confusing in a way but fast paced and entertaining. if addictive. kind of just want to get through it all. 

but sleep and patience.

heddwch

G

there is a lot in here

 

There's a lot in this short film. 

rest days?

 Working all day on your feet isn't very restful but it is a different tired than riding for a couple hours, either on the road or in the woods.

But today? Sunday? Pulled the plug on dirt church, on everything. Got up at 4:30 to get the kid and E out the door and headed to boston for the regatta in the heat, went back to bed. And actually slept. Slept until after 9am!!!

Made coffee, and generally didn't do much. Got a few more episodes of Shoresy in, more coffee. Then headed to do the grocery shopping with the oldest. came home, at some food, and finished watching the first season. Damn is the show good.

Not sure what else. But I had planned on working on the bikes, putting in the rivnut, swapping the 3" tires for the 2.6" tires getting the spare chains sorted, maybe even swapping the dropper back to the short one (for less creaking). I fear though that some of the noise is from the bottom bracket. Bearings feel good and the spindle is re-greased but the BB itself might need to be taken back out. That's towards the bottom of the list. Ordered a 29+ cush core for the rear, it might not get here, it should be okay up there but is a nice re-assurance if the air drops or just for the general handling and lower pressure possible with it. Not for the front though. 

Half kind of thinking of trying to do the tire swap tomorrow morning and commute once again on the Stache. It isn't fast (as far from it in fact) but contact points yo. 

But even taking today pretty much totally off? I'm still tired. Have to get a handle on that I think. Seems to be important. 

Feeling more of a steely calm about the up coming race. I think last year I was pretty jacked/nervous/freaked...  realizing maybe i like the planning more than the racing or just full of doubts. Dunno, this feels just more deliberate, there's lots to do still, but more knowns, i know i can't just eat sandwiches, and some of the food I brought last year i didn't touch... like those fig newtons, just never felt the urge to eat them. A handful of other stuff too.

paused at this point last night, 

cab over peterbuilt

 more evocative i suppose, doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well.

I've ground myself down this week. With surprising ease. MTB on Sunday, commute MWF, W&F on the Stache. Tuesday worked on the stache all day then joined the smackdown on the Klein. 

Listened to a reacher book after Lab Girl and Scalzi's Kaiju book, listened to if fast, finished listening to it over 2x speed just to get through the end.

For a chance of pace I tried out a book that I'm not sure I can explain why I decided to read it, something must  have pushed it my way. 

And holyshit it is so good, on many levels, endurance sport, getting old...  all that...

Cab over Kenworth

 HUH? 

yeah that's the best way to describe me showing up at the TT compared to everyone, literally, everyone else there. It just does not get less aero of an over the road truck than that. Cue me. Same. Of all the 'road' bikes I have that one is the least. The crockett isn't much better but it is a little. Klein has a really high BB and I sit up in the air a bit more and in a move of idiocy I put some 46s on that bike. Maybe i'll get one of them fancy bikes...  maybe.

Of all the other rides there, Kipp was second place with his '04 C'dale but even that is WAY more aero (his wheels too) (and he's got a lower drag) although he did have a bit of heat stress and sat in the back of an ambulance for a while after.

So yeah as expected I faired pretty poorly. Couldn't get going very fast on the first section, kept getting slower until it turned up then stopped getting slower and kept pace pretty well up Reynolds with everyone that passed me but that's a little too late to recover from the first downhill aero demanding section.

And well as good of a night as it was, as nice as it was to ride out there and back with Graham, and to hang out with Marcus and Betty and to see Cronoman and Solobreak in the flesh. I'm in a shit mood, slept like crap, it has been a long week, I'm tired, and just, yeah I dunno. call it a funk or something.

Stache is still broken, I need to put a volume spacer in the top fuel shock, probably should take the pivots apart and re-locktite everything, 

And then there's everything else. literally, everything it seems. And yeah, one thing at a time, get through it and pretty soon in a couple weeks i'll be racing for 24hrs. Assuming i can find a few extra sliding dropout locknuts (proprietary of course, only avail from Trek).

And my dumb ass thought I could get away w/o eating breakfast and extending my fast till lunch. Feeling like a really fucking bad idea right now.

So yeah - I commented on Solobreak's strava that i wasn't going to write. And yeah, I probably shouldn't.

Go check the Nanoscape twitter and IG feed, there's cool shit I've been doing posted there. 

i'm going to make some coffee and hope that helps.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

G

Finished it finally

 That big old monster book.

And, it was worth getting through the struggling parts. It did come together quite beautifully. Left me with more of a feeling of peace than just about any other series I've read in a long time. And that's hard to say.

Went to fire up the Scalzi book that came in off the hold only to discover it is an eBook not an audio book. Guess I'll have to figure that out. 

Yesterday? Well yesterday is worth writing about but maybe Yesterday started off on Saturday.

A seriously beautiful place on the earth

Really solid DJ set too. And no- not sure if there are adds because i'm watching with them hidden... 

But there are adds on B Kerr's youtube stuff. the Morgins Epic was amazing, like just insanely cool. so many trails, so many different lifts all pretty much all by bike.

it is even worse than I thought

 My weight creep that is. Oof, Russ posted a trendline after eating a whole pizza last night and i decided to get on the scale for the first time in a very very very long time to see where i'm at.

Well...

it is saturday night

 There was food made, the disparity between what the house is eating is pretty solid. At least I span the middle and wil make either and eat. Last night I made a batch of mac and cheese, tonight, coconut red curry with tofu and garbanzo beans over jasmine rice.

Made a bit too much perhaps, but i drained two bricks of tofu and well two cans of garbanzos and two cans of coconut milk seemed to be about the right ratio.

Guess I have lunches for a while.

Couldn't find anything to watch, there's another lack of overlap, my tastes and tolerance for films does not extend to period dramas and well, whatever isn't tense Sci-Fi or action. And since I was tired AF the dogs and I went up to bedroom early, turned the fan on louder to drown out the fireworks.

And I checked the you tubes...

And found this, and liked it enough to open this up on the tablet and pound out a few words to go with it.

it is below the fold

SMACKDOWN ride report

 I showed up. Worked my butt off. We did the long route with all the weird left hand turns. I got gapped on Carpenter, wasn't too far off after pine (def dropped tho) as expected, caught back up just in time to get pummeled on Hillside. The extra miles made me suffer a bit more. 

Rolled in and back. 

Was good. 

felt oddly okay. still not fast but also pretty okay as long as we weren't going up hill and well, what do you expect for someone as heavy as I am now.

No, i don't know. Haven't been on a scale in a long time. Fuck that, doesn't matter. Riding when I can, eating food, trying not to eat too much and trying to make sure I'm well fueled for the riding.

That's the ride report. We had well over 30 people show up, might have been over 40.

Oh and the A and B groups split after 152. I managed to make it up front at the light with Justice. We took off, got a monster gap. He sat up, I went for the state line sprint and won (uncontested) but hey a sprint win is a sprint win.

Right?

I had blocked off yesterday on my calendar. Hoping to find someone to ride all day with, someone who could push me or at least match the effort, but this lead to that and well, all I managed to do was take an extra 14 or so miles to ride in. 

With that 24hr race coming up I need a couple really long rides coming up. Need to do better at actually following through with the all day thing. 

June was better than April or May so at least there's that.

The knee? It really kind of sucks what I have to give up but I'm really really enjoying the return to pain free movement. I can actually kneel down and get out of a sitting on my heels squat without pushing up with my arms to take the load off the right knee.  I think the change in shoes (to the next size and a wide last) is also helping quite a bit.

It isn't perfect but it is definitely feeling much much better. But these new shoes have a pretty flexi sole and that's not helping, first time I can say "oh yeah so this is why people complain about small pedals on long rides" soft.

Oh he the TdF started today I guess.

No, I'm not gonna watch it. or follow it, except passively through unavoidable sharing of people's reactions on social media. Oh and I did a velogames thing, the G+ crew started it up for Giro so fuck it - why not. Picked names I recognized, I hope they all started, maybe half the squad is sidelined for covid.

Dunno.

Life goes on and I don't feel much like writing lately. Sorry.

Had some deep thoughts, put it on a poem but not sharing that shit.

I should really get a passport so i can leave this country if i have a chance/oportunity... 

Anyone wanna drag my ass around all day on the bike? Boston maybe?

Better eat lunch before it is time for the next appointment. 

And yeah, shit, I need to take some time off...  damnit.

heddwch
G

you could see it coming

 And there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Politics. I guess it is nice to be an old white dude. None of this impacts me at all, but it impacts so many people I care about and love and it just is fucking wrong and what? What? Vote? Sure lets vote. What has that accomplished? This. Here we are. 

This Machine Kills Facists

 Y'all can probably picture where that title comes from and what it was written on...

here's the thing - I didn't know how much of a Guthrie influence there was on the DKMs, like shipping up to boston? yeah...  kind of crazy. Fuck yeah Woodie

This album sounds really really fucking awesome:

And time flashes buy

 A blink and a year now it feels like.

Remember when the summer lasted forever, and for me, the years at college felt like a lifetime.

And then poof we're gone.

Dennis Cahill shuffled off this mortal coil a few days ago. I heard about it yesterday when Colm wrote this over on facebook yesterday:

Dennis Cahill could put more music into fewer notes than anyone else I've ever heard. So many times I've just sat and watched and listened while he would hang on a simple sparse fifth for a whole part, or a whole round of a tune, and then pick *exactly* the right moment to add a third or a seventh or a suspension and it suddenly felt as if that harmony had been there all along, lurking like a ghost, and when it came to it grabbed you by the soul. Shaking you. Incredible mastery of guitar, great mandolin player too, and as an accompanist he always brought out the best in people. Very sad that we won't get to hear more, but glad to have learned a bit from him!

I've worn out my Martin Hayes and Dennis Cahill CDs, played them so much that the tunes are hardwired. I'm a violin person but if I could play guitar I would love to play it like Dennis. 

So what does one do with that sort of news? Listen non-stop to them playing. A few of the sets with Martin and then down the Gloaming content on youtube. 

Listening to this one (I think it was this one) and it feels like the best description is celtic jazz, if that makes sense. Absolutely fucking brilliant masters, using a minimum of notes but sometimes all the notes but all separate but insanely and mindblowingly perfectly together.

You can find lots of the Gloaming out there. 

There's not much of Dennis alone, but there is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhfm8OHU75k you should check it out, if you want.

Would write more but will leave it at this for now. 

heddwch
G

The algorithm

 the algorithm serves, and controls, and grows and knows and well pretty soon make it complicated enough and the algorithm will start feeling, and thinking, not just predicting. it will start planning more than one step at a time, more than serving up the next add, or the next song, or the next video...

Maybe the world will collapse before then. Like someone else's post, in a different way said: make sure to tell the people you have a crush on...  that doesn't sound right but maybe it doesn't need to in order to convey the meaning.

It is a good short film.

jack of

"Jack of all trades, master of none"

Something used quite often. And until recently I didn't know the full quote.

Like most things the full context is so much better.

do your best

 Don't try to do better.

Just do your best. 

That's it. You can't do more than your best.

Amor Fati. Do your best.

Now watch this

 There's a bit of us all in the main character in this short film.

I'd say more but maybe just like the film title says: 

RIDE

Watch. This.

 When you have the space to absorb it. Or watch it now and then prepare a space to watch it again.

"prepare a space" means be open to listening to what is being said...  there are lots of ways to say it, how ever you translate what it means, find your place to listen.

here we are a few days past

 Things happened, races were raced.

Kid wound up 5th in the country. 

pretty amazing.

kid made it across the country solo, and made her way to World's selection camp on her own too. no big stress either, finally getting a handle on travel stress. Guess I was lucky to be thrown on a plane alone long before i realized how stressful it was, a 9 year old in charge of three little brothers trying to act 13, but those were the days when anyone could go to the terminal and drop you off and pick you up. 

So many travel stories. Growing up crossing this country for various family reasons, by plane or car, bus, train whatever. Not unique but def out of the ordinary. 

Got a ride in. Was more exciting than hoped towards the end. Raced back to the car, anyway that's not my story to tell.

It was good in the woods. Felt not terrible, not super fast but not like garbage. New shoes honestly not too bad. Fit isn't perfect and I can't tell if it is just the cheaper retention system or the design, which really are the same thing. Need to get a good long 6+hr ride in them to really check. Again I'm not sure about cleat placement. Put them where I thought I wanted them and got the angle wrong, went back and may have gone too far back.

Bit a good chunk out of my tongue eating my breakfast sandwich this morning. You'd think i'd have figured out how to chew by now.

Planning on Smackdown tonight, just because and why not and even if i get dropped I need the ride. Went to put the new cassette and chain on there, checked the chain after cleaning it. Only 0.75 worn. Fuck it, that's not that bad but it is too late for a new chain so, well, I just cleaned everything and hit the bike with some Pledge. Y'all can get your Muc-off or other high end finishing product, i'll stick with the lemon scented pledge. That shit works, looks good even on matt finished bikes.

I'd link some stuff but I couldn't find anything in my open tabs worth sharing.

Didn't ride yesterday -but drank too much coffee- wound up sleeping like shit. So of course I'm way more tired than I should be. Viscous circle. Not dragging tired but just the edge of it. Big race is in less than two months. def super fucked. but hey it is a stupid race to do solo and singlespeed. Like really dumb... but also really tough. A long, gravel race with a couple sections of single track and a fuckton of climbing. Also seriously considering FSSS for the whole thing or just part of it, I like the efficiency and comfort in the squishy form factor, it isn't the 'spirit' but you know what? Don't care.

If i'm going to make it through this conference today I need to take a quick break. Yesterday's session was good, today is too much structural stuff. 

Marching through it. Lets see if talk two is more exciting to me, i mean this stuff is really cool but only at the moment, tangentially related and only potentially applicable. 

Lets see what smackdown brings

heddwch
G

unprepared for that level of stress

 expected it - but it surprises me everytime...

probably good that I'm not there in person, would have been worse maybe

Was trying to get to work to watch it live - left a few minutes too late, but felt like maybe if I was riding hard at the same time she was racing maybe there's some quantum entaglement boost? And then I thought about that and realized if there is I better take it down a notch during the race so I don't take anything away. Contemplated stopping on the linear park and watching the live feed on my phone but man I'm glad I went to work, cued up the live stream and re-wound it to the start of their race and made it full screen.

And holy shit, damn. I was standing up the whole time and it is now half hour later and I'm still wound up from it. 

Pretty close to the most stressful seven minutes thirty eight seconds and it ended with a photo finish!!!

That top boat was in a distant 4th just before the 500 meter mark. the red hull (3) moves on to the grand finals. White hull (5) goes to petit finals.

That difference is 0.132 of a second

okay so... man what a way to start the day. Yikes.

(race is on replay for now: https://youtu.be/dKyVl_sD4vs?t=2645 that link should cue it up to the start of her race)

Tailwind commute last night - hit 173prm with the big 180s. Who says you can't spin long cranks. Well maybe you can't. My backpack was even rock steady on my back doing that. 

Pushed it this morning, took it down a tiny bit, dropped the power and upped the candence a little (knee) and the big fast dude always crushing it on the super fancy Checkpoint SLR rode past but not that fast and I just said fuck it and stayed with him. check the strava, it is different.

Got me thinking, I can do a hell of a lot just by smashing the commutes. So, I'm going to smash the commutes.

Been checked HRV in the morning. And it is in the green range but just barely. Bonus I'm seeing a 44 HR after waking up, so not bad. Probably should get a real way to monitor, a BT hr strap or something.

Should have kept the HR on while watching the race. Yikes. Maybe a BP monitor too.

Time to move on with the day if possible.

heddwch
G

Tomorrow is a big day

 Marks 4 years.

Four years after finishing the handle of Polish Vodka I'd bought two days before. Woke up and saw Bourdain had committed suicide. I've never been a Bourdain fan, tried to watch his shows, just couldn't get into it, rubbed me wrong, but his essays and his writing were dramatically different, in my mind than what he seemed to be like on the TV shows. You can see elements of what i was drawn to in the writing but the rest, just didn't resonate. 

perspective

Looking up in black and white. 

Pause. Look at your familiar locations from a different perspective.

No need to capture it in a snapshot or describe it to anyone. Just be in that moment and absorb, and recognize that everyone sees everything differently.

And be kind. 

really crushing the read links

 Someday maybe I'll go back to promoting this place of moody discontent and bike content...

F"yeah

 LW kicking ass.

Also - Fuck the AZT Race Administration. Seriously. WTaF

I dunno, she's the GOAT ATMO

or at least one of the GOATs

May the AZT race adminsitrators suffer endless goatheads on their rides.

 Proper keyboard  to smash words out with

This song hit some chords just now...

I looked at the date...

Feb 8, 2018

8th... 2018

hmm

shit

June 8th 2018

Coming up on my sobriety receiving an honorary bachelors degree.

two rides

Looking at the calendar.

One more day on May.

Could not be more antithetical to 2016 if I tried. The year iirc that I kicked off the biggest mileage month ever. Started with a Hundo, ended with a Boston Hundo and smackdown. 

I have ridden one time that was not a commute. 

Once.

And that one time kicked off some stuff.

One time pedaling a bike somewhere other than work. One time in the woods. Period. Once. 

I scrolled back until the next ride on Strava that wasn't a commute... April 24th.

And then scrolled back some more and I was in March. 

I know it's been for reasons. 

But seriously this shit is not sitting well with me right now. It isn't because I'm not wanting to ride. Quite the opposite.

Yet here I am, riding less and less.

And it is a fucking perfect morning for a ride.

It will pass I suppose. But I'll have basically gone from riding in the winter too full leaf coverage. No chance to adjust to the changing light. Missing the best part of the year in the woods, spring.

It's summer now. Everything is in full spread photosynthesis mode now. At least as I'm watching from the car or the bike path.

So much going on, so much set in place that is just there, rescheduling, whatnot, heck haven't been to the shop enough either. Kind of so run down that I can't really ride before and still be functional, can't ride after because I have to get places.

And those are just the challenges I can talk about.

It's been a week, the unwritten unsent draft is probably best deleted now.

Time to pack up and head out to do what needs to be done.

Still haven't solved the crank issue, can't believe it fell off over a month ago and I haven't ridden it since.

Feels weird writing a web log post from my phone.

Feels weird not riding. Not sure what to do about it.

Oh amor fati motherfuckers

Heddwch

G

paywalls are a tool of prejudice

Been giving space to this 

'Paywall the news separating those who can afford it from those who can't ... prejudice and bias in the access to information and knowledge by a paywall'

It is another one of those HFS moments reading @TochiTrueStory Goliath

Think on that..

Creators, journalists, writers, photojournalists... Yes they all deserve to get paid, but when the best information and news is hiding behind a paywall, it becomes a privilege, a division, a furthering of the wealth and class gap that is so often racially drawn. 

I don't have the answer, but it feels like a significant challenge to society right now. And a wedge effortlessly and irreparably dividing right now. 

How to both give the documentarians a living wage and free and equitable access to the information and news? 

take 10 minutes

 And watch this:

new high speed

For listening to a book. 

I can't quite imagine what it would be like to listen to this book at 1.0 speed. I was at 1.5x this morning on the bike ride in, this book is a good distraction for what the fuck is going on, and it is due tomorrow and while I have a physical copy and have been doing a hybrid read, lately when I've tried to read, i'm tired and the book is good but not gripping and action packed enough to keep me awake. Sadly it also isn't enough to put me to sleep right away, just land me in that purgatory of too sleepy to do much but not sleepy enough to fall right asleep.

So there I was, fuck it, lets go to 1.75x.

Big gap

 

Been spending words in a draft, not a blog post draft or an email draft. But digital draft. Words that I'm capturing because I'm uncertain if they should be shared, edited, or just deleted after some time.

Strange few days, heck week? Since Friday at least.

searching for equilibrium

 Always a challenge. 

I suppose you can think about equilibrium as moderation. GeWilli doesn't do that last thing very well. 

Hasn't really found the the other thing.

hit a new level of uncontrolled

Freakout.

So y'all know the gallery has been on my mind for a long time. Right?

Thinking, too much

 Wondering, really, if all my social issues can be fit into a clinical diagnosis.

Sure seems like it lately.

can't stop, won't stop

 So now I learn that shit ain't something someone made up about shitty CX canti brakes?

Damn

This one's for KF

 

Getting all emotional at the ending there...

t O's book

Like a candle in a room, dying, slowly dimmer, then eventually nothing, blackness takes over, and as it does your memories fade and you become the darkness. 

Your conscienceness fading as the light goes away...

Another passage, 

"ever wonder why seminars on white privilege are just a bunch of white people trying to figure out what's wrong with being lucky? "

Anyway, read books, people who get paid to put words together are really good at it. 

Do a wheelie Danny

 Like all Danny's productions, this is just fantastically entertaining. Can't help but smile.

even with everything going on, in order to face what makes us uncomfortable. 

we need a few moments like this:

and if the algorithm doesn't push you here...  you should watch it:

if you've been keep score

 GeWilli has not been so good at staying ahead of the exhaustion curve. He seems to keep moving until he can't, collapses, recovers only enough to get back up and start moving again, just not fast enough not to be clobbered in a short timeframe.

Like woops, now.

ride bikes

 Does look pretty amazing to ride and live there...

still only one line

 and also no wonder people false negative on these Abbott tests, they are crazy complicated and fussy compared to the iHealth tests i'm used to using.

click over on www. zineee. com just because, okay cut paste and remove the spaces - keep the link track backs clean, and thinking about engagement, if i don't put one of these things

Cleaning out old flickr photos

 And well damn if there isn't some gems in there.

Guess I had it on autobackup starting at somepoint in '14...  kind of wish I'd started it sooner but that's probably when the phone filled up the first time. Maybe. Didn't have a smart phone till '13. Late adapter.

There was a conversation, more or less one sided, I thanked someone for their words on twitter in a DM, they replied three phrases that literally became something I kept going back to. Again and again over the next year.

It sucked, and yeah there was a huge victory fist pump when i found it. Bunch of other amazing images. I'd backed flickr up once before, a couple years ago, I had logged back in and my account must have gone from dormant to oh hey you have too many pictures, pay us or we'll delete them all. so I deleted them. And holy crap that was not easy to do.

I erased a few key words and who sent it but it probably won't take a genius with twitter to dig through and find the original thread. Hell I found it. 

Another good one is from Canton:

This dude. We both lost our fathers roughly around the same time, we wound up doing most of a full lap at Crosstobeerfest, riding side by side, talking about it, was pretty amazing, unwittingly we had a long string of people just riding behind us, patiently, while we shared some pretty emotional stuff.

Brad's one of those good people out there. Like really genuinely good and amazing people. If you see him, give him a donut.

heddwch
G

The noose is closing in

 Having escaped getting covid for this long, 2.5 years if you track it back to the earliest spread and transmission of Sars-Cov2. man it would have been so much better if they called it Sars2. So much scarier sounding than covid or the vid or the 'rona.

And finally after that time our house has one positive. Docs refuse to prescribe paxlovid, no co-morbidities. How about we give it to everyone who can benefit. Gotta be enough doses now, no? Ration care, sure why not. Honestly timing isn't' bad, assuming the rest of the house makes it clear w/o tripping a rapid positive. There's a lot going on and the bonus change in plans means less hectic house cleaning today.

Headwind has been nuts and of course it shifted just a little more out of the east than north and instead of a nice tailwind home last night it was pretty much full cross wind. 

And just as I said something about the knee feeling better, well wouldn't you know, riding the singlespeed commuter, well lets say, didn't feel great. A little better today, and no, no smackdown for me. Just still tired, and really can't quite get to that mental state of wanting to go hard on the road bike. it is strange, but then I haven't been able to get out  on the MTB either, and want to but man time. Where is the fucking time? Honestly a part of me was kind of looking forward to a positive test for myself yesterday. 5 days of doing nothing, not leaving the house...  sounds pretty amazing.

Also pretty sad that it takes getting infected with a virus that has the potential to shrink your brain, damage your heart and countless other unknown health issues sounds good. 

Maybe just need to take those 5 days off while I'm healthy instead? Maybe after I finish this week, and get everything done next week that I won't get done this week and then maybe, then? except for all the other stuff on the calendar.

Tweaked the side bar again, no point sending you to dead links, updated a few, added two bike shops for obvious reasons, not that anyone clicks on there. I should probably put some Topeak linkage up. Remember if you need something I've got a code for you that will take 20% of the price off any in stock item purchased direct from Topeak.  
20% discount code WILLIAMS-22 at https://www.topeak.com/us/en

There making it stand out. No i don't get any cash or bonus or extra stuff if you order with it, but they have been sending me fun cool awesome shit to use and abuse and talk about so thing about it as a thank you to everyone who has to put up with me talking about it. Now hopefully they'll be releasing a 350PSI digital shock pump soon. I think I need just a little over 299PSI in the shock on the Top fuel.

okay- gotta go shuffle TBs of data around. Have an 8TB NAS that is totally full. Good thing data is cheap now. 

And yeah, I'll be the one still wearing a mask everywhere. given what I'm seeing? if you interact with people at all, you probably should be wearing one now too. 

heddwch
G

tidy narratives

 "The truth, as usual, is both and also neither, too complex for a tidy narrative. But we keep trying, don’t we, to tell our story? Like anyone attempting to weave tangled threads of experience, I hope to grasp something tangible from the abstraction of memory. "

Well isn't that just a fucking brilliantly perfect pile of words describing what many web loggers and diary-ers (diarrhea allusion intended) do with their spaces?

How many of you have waited for the line, the bad line, to show up on a Rapid test? Guess what, if it shows up it will show up instantly. That 15 minute wait? just to make sure. But as the fluid flows past in the nitrocellulose filter, it will react instantly.

If you start testing while it is strong, and watch it, it will fade, slowly away.

This story is in process. It is a stressful one. This pandemic shit, it is nuts, it is scary, it is insane how many people are infected right now. 

Last class happens soon. Then some grading and then i can move on to the rest of the absolutely insane.

Stay well out there my friends!

Heddwch
G

stuff

https://www.thecut.com/2022/05/roe-v-wade-limits-of-privilege.html

Well this booster #2 is kicking my ass and my arm is functional, but barely. 

Had 2 novel symptoms though. 

1) Realizing that 4 years in your 20s feels like the same amount of time between 30 and 50.

2) Hard realization of how short our lifetimes are in the scheme of humanity and history.

Good move skipping the gravel ride, also good move skipping work today.

It sucks but it is what it is. 

- wrote that yesterday - 

got up at 4:30am to get the two headed to the rowing race in NH ready to go, making food, coffee...  then I went back to bed, Hey it is light at 5:20am. 

And then I feel back asleep hard till 8:15, thought about texting that I wouldn't make Dirt Church but fell back asleep for another hour, then slept another 30 min...  got up, ate a little, browsed netflix, then cued up the replay of the Women's XCO. Still watching that now, they are on the last lap.

Booster and life kicking my ass. I'm tired. And looking at what I'm trying to do lately? GO FIGURE HOLY SHIT. On the other side I'm getting a lot done. Just not riding much. Getting done what I can get done.

So much to do though. Not sure how to get through the next week. Thinking about 4 years ago, thinking about further back...

My knee seems to be getting slowly better, still not 100% but def getting close. 

But kind of shockingly tired. As in fuuuuck me seriously? So tired, some how need to recover. Funny how I can find the energy if i need it but when I don't creally need it, feels like system failure. Hard to describe. But there's so much to do, how to do it all. But also rest? But then for the pedaling thing, that really would benefit most from rest. But also need to ride. So what to do? I mean I can go out and do a 20 mile hard MTB ride but then i'm dead for a day or two right now. 

Really not sure how to solve all this and still meet all the obligations. 

guess i'll work it out somehow

heddwch
G

greasy joe's?

 The gravel grinder not the usual Dirt Church location.

Had kind of thought the Hellraiser edition would be awesome. I also thought maybe doing smackdown tonight would be a thing.

Thinking no on both. 

I'd like to do the hellraiser but i think maybe I might do it solo, it is a tough ride and there's little refueling so it takes serious logistics. That last time I did it solo was baaaaaaad, but good but also not good.

Was thinking this morning about the Top Fuel, get the crank sorted and then was thinking about the tires, those soft SE4s are heavy and not the best but also are on there and with the cush core are a pain to change and do i really want to get another set of wheels (obvs yes but also no). 

And then there's all the other shit going on. 

Fuck - that sense of doom and dread this morning after yesterday's shit...

On the plus side I feel a little better than yesterday, just like a tuesday has felt for a while, but still not energized enough to go smackdowning.

Gotta figure this shit out somehow, def need to starting riding more and skipping a big fun ride is a dumb idea but other shit has to happen. And I'm tired. 

Also this morning I thought about starting to take the long way in. Might not be a bad idea.

Def need to start the Tower Hill morning meeting routine again too. But would be good to find someone to join on that. Someone maybe just a little faster than me (i mean that's pretty much everyone anyway) 

And then...  what bike? Got dreaming of a new Road bike but i already have a way too expensive fancy MTB, that said a new road bike would be really nice. Oh well fuck it - only benefit of this frustrating morning is I have time to sit here and monitor shit with just enough attention free that I can smash the keyboard.

heddwch
G

trying to figure out

 why i feel like such garbage on Mondays lately.

Today's no exception, it is like last week but at least last week I went out and rode 20 miles in the woods. This week? 

nothing and yet here I am zombie...

speaking of zombie:

Time to ride home before it gets too much later.

Maybe I can even dodge the rain, almost made it in dry this morning, tailwind was appreciated, but it is probably still out there.

May make some green curry tonight, sounds yummy but so much chopping, we'll see.

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
G

where did it go

 The weekend that is? 

worked on bikes  yesterday, today plans changed by unclear communication and failure to secure proper resources. so we went grocery shopping instead.

meant no dirt church but maybe not the worst because i'm tired. and still negative, test, mental outlook is still pretty positive and that's kind of a surprise.

finished Heretics of Dune, churning through those massive tomes in audio format works better. So tired that my eyes couldn't tell if something was an 18 or a 13 on a curved bottle in the store. Not great lighting but no matter where i put it i just couldn't quite make it out. Kind of terrifying to be honest. 

Was scrolling through IG and hit a big swatch of people on bikes, racing, photos by friends who shoot some races this weekend and i'm looking at all these people and they all look foreign to me. Somehow my identity has shifted? Dunno, was just weird. 

Crank fell off again last week, not sure what to do or how to fix or what. Have the SSMTB to use, perhaps that's something to think about riding more of. I dunno though. Need to kick start something, somehow. 

mentally just also tired. physically too. I got a good hour or two working outside, doing small things like pulling up the invasive english ivy, perhaps my new goal is to eradicate it from my yard. Noble and impossible  but something to do. in the sun and outside. 

it is strange, current feeling that is. No real Fomo from the weekend, lots of riding and racing and fun shit happening and I just went to build bikes and supposedly building a compost bin but that didn't work out well. 

I forgot that greasy joes gravel is next weekend, probably will skip it, but maybe skipping this weekend means I should give the smackdown another attempt. hang out  in the B group perhaps, form a C group, drift back into the what the hell am i doing group. Maybe it will rain again. 

Dunno really, feels like a strange crossroads at the moment. except no roads except the path I walked to get here.  can't go back though, that's the past, there are stories and memories but any fork in the road i didn't choose then is long gone, washed away by the weathering of time. 

Still mostly governed by this  new fatalistic awareness of finality. Still pretty crippling at times. The urge to purge grows, but then I have a weird mind that each object becomes a trigger for a specific memory and that object becomes a memory and if I purge the object so too the memory. But then when cerebral function ceases, well, those go as well. 

Have to work on figuring that out, that how to  survive with this mental state, has the potential to be self destructive, but at least no desire to ever go back to the ways prior to 2018... closing in on 4 years ago, 4 years ago  in a few days I started one last month long bender of epicness. Epic only in so much as to how much i was physically capable of consuming. 

Need to fall back on gratitude, more than just a crutch, but still feels more like a splint than a solution. 

I should really get on with cooking dinner. Much more food to make and I'm tired, weary. Need a vacation, like a real one maybe this time, is that even possible for me? Haven't really had one in so long I have no concept in recent memory. 

well

till next time

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
G

Covers and Originals

 Was given a pub card about another show. I don't think it is as good, and is a bit more contrived but it isnt' bad and just maybe different. 

A collage show vs just a photo show... images are technically good from the screen but also missing some tonality I try to capture. 

It seems more along the lines of what i was doing in 2011 with the J&WU Edible Nanoscape show. Perhaps he got the idea from that? Unlikely but who knows.

RM posted something about heavy metal covers of Lightfoot's Edmund Fitz song. Shared one that just seemed like a little more rock and roll, so I dug into the depths a bit two. Found two good ones...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjjjixDv3wE and https://youtu.be/rAra9YYFpis 

And then promptly put on this:

All the while balancing everything else. Another unexpected and appreciated schedule break. Almost like a planned unstructured moment. Dashing from one thing to another but still insanely busy, all the while being relieved not to be talking for 4 hours straight and being totally 100% focused. Fitting in this here and there. 

Re-edit when interrupted mid thought. catching the train in many places at once.

There's a really massive amount of shit out there in the world to weigh one down and fuel depressive hopeless feelings... metering out the dosage so you're not oblivious but also not incapacitated is tricky. Slipped a little down the incapacitation slope earlier today, trying to dig myself back out. Surprisingly managing okay.

Oh and it is weird to have the kid just walk out of the house with their bags, get in the car and leave. Alone. Really, weird. 

Guess I should probably not forget to eat lunch. 

And not forget to hit publish...

heddwch
G

moments

 Grabbing them here and there.

Thinking too much but being too tired to think critically or helpfully.

A few people that shouldn't have and who've managed to avoid it so far caught some of the covid - i know more people I interact with that have come down with covid in the last two weeks than the whole two years before. 

Kind of crazy.

Also I don't really interact with that many people. Maybe my internet friends have gotten it and not shared that they got it. But still.

Seems significant. Sure everyone's symptoms are mild but still, that's just what is presented, not what you can't see. This fucking virus is insane.

Had another fortuitous cancellation this afternoon. Downside is it meant a project got stopped earlier than it needed too but it was already 177GB so plenty of data to work with as it is. More would have been unmanageable.

Went to ride up to the printer, went to leave bike felt funny. Front tire was flat. I just filled it up this morning.

30 min of futzing (including soapy water) and nothing. no hole but the valve was a little sticky, could have just not been tightened all the way down after filling it up this morning? Dunno. It was a bummer. But gave the Frame pump a bit of cleaning up.

Watch out on the roads - kid is driving. Today was the first day. To school, to practice (presumably) and hopefully home. She's solid, patient and very much not wanting to follow the lead of all her classmates (hitting shit). Have to admit - i'm pretty anxious for her, but also feel comfortable with her driving. The last handful of trips in the car while she was driving were really good - she was confident and seemed comfortable and attentive. I shouldn't be worried, I'm not really but it is hard not to be as a parent.

But kids grow up, oldest never did get a license, let the permit expire without doing much with it, just too much to learn how to drive at the time. And they're okay with being in the city with a bike and public transport. And that's f'n cool. 

So far the same fucking tube that was flat is holding air.

Trying to trim a few blocks down in this time space but that means starting it and then letting it run. Cutting 500µm at a time. Just on the edges. More critical cutting happens in a second, or tomorrow. Maybe.

Started off feeling like I had a plan with the words here today, so maybe just going through the motions, getting back into the rhythm. 

Might have a tailwind tonight, we'll see. 

best wrap it up and head home and start making dinner.

get up first, make coffee, wake kid up, make them breakfast, pack my lunch, shower or not, head to work, head home, make dinner, sit for an hour, go to bed. wake up, repeat.

wonder why i'm tired all the time

but things are good

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
G

140 characters of time

 or whatever it is now, hell you can post a 1,000 chirp thread, and that's more than that character limit, so is there really a limit anymore?

No, and now the potential takeover has me thinking, well, maybe it is a good thing. Honestly though there are people I never would have met or connected with that I appreciate all the time from that free webpage. There's a good handful of folks from the old G+ days that I still see there and call a friend.

It was a unique place, but I suppose that's the whole point of a social network they change and where ever we all wind up, everything dies and this current conciousness ends. No one is posting on social networks after they die, not yet. We haven't fully mapped the brain and the connections and made AI versions of ourselves like Ready Player Two talks about or Scalzi's OMW or any other brain copy sci-fi books... We are who we are at this time until our time.

Had a friend mention that well we don't know what happens after, maybe it is way better than this? Either way - be it nothing - endless sleep and the cessation of 'us' or an afterlife of hell or heaven a reunion of all the past generations - perhaps we do wander the earth as a spirit...Doesn't change the fact that our digital space is purely here and now.

And like the human race, seemingly more and more just a blip on the planetary time scale.

Fuck I get a panic attack anxiety flush just thinking about that, thinking about how short the time is here and the heart breaking inability to know what will happen next. We'll likely never know the end of the story... Will it end? 

The gallery show maybe has made me think more directly about what I went through this fall. Death, that feeling when I turned 50. My dad. My mother's heart failure and how little time she has left given that condition. Spending time with her, really understanding how much constant pain she's in and how challenging the path forward for her is, it is overwhelming. 

And then the whole Sars-CoV-2, the mistakes made over the last two years, the number of people continuing to get it... a couple things have been occupying my background thought processes:

1) vax status and "long-covid" (not just obvious symptoms but the hidden, heart and other issues)

2) post covid susceptibility to more severe TBI/Concussions. It is documented that Sars-CoV-2 can cause the brain to shrink. Given the mechanism of TBI, more space means higher force and that means potentially more severe concussion symptoms and increased recovery duration. Wondering if that's maybe why RF's super long symptom duration is persisting?

Also since 'long-covid' health issues can be asymptomatic or apparently dormant until triggered, the full depth of this virus might never be completely understood for a very very long time... if ever. That's what I'm basing my personal risk assessment on. 

There's a fuck ton of other shit bouncing around in my head but I'm really tired.

There's so much to do, but even still things are okay. If not good. Even though there's so much bad out there and so many people I know and love are struggling. And for the most part I can't do anything for them and that's the worst.

I did finally get out in the woods. Had a fabulous ride. Then my crank arm fell off again. yeah the bolts were tight. it isn't a good situation, can't get new cranks for that, might have to scour the internet for NOS. Being an outlier sucks when the industry is cutting down SKUs and chasing stupid trends. No I can't ride a bike with a seat tube that steep and no, I can't seem to pedal cranks shorter than 180mm w/o being in serious pain. And NO i don't know why that is. And Yes, it sucks. But it is what it is.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
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I'll try to be a bit more regular - we'll see, fuck I may just pick up and move over here totally. But even though I know there are a couple of you reading this - it isn't the same as the other place...

really well cooked

 Check the link in the last post and you can re-watch it. Guess they left the recording up so you can re-watch it. I'm still not ready to watch myself, already pretty self critical I'd pick myself apart, but lots of people thought it went well so I'm avoiding dispelling their impression of the artist talk and avoiding actually doing more than finding that we start talking at the 47 minute mark.

Finally got on the bike this morning, another long break. April is gonna be a light month. Maybe that's a good thing? Dunno but there are plenty of other stressors, can only do so much...

Trying to sit here to gather the energy to ride home... 

Tomorrow's another really INSANE day that hopefully will go well

Semester has a few weeks left, then, well then I think it'll be time for a handful of mental health days, aka get on the bike and ride... 

At least after I rest and recover a little.

Just have to push a little further...

heddwch

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virtual opening?

 Yeah there is one:
check it here

This is the link to the live stream tomorrow night.

No passwords or signups are needed so people can go right to the link at 7pm

https://evt.live/nebi-gallery

In case you wanted to see me attempting to act like an artist and say words about my dad without breaking down into full on sobs.

Busy f'n day, heading down there now, unknowns but oddly not obsessing about them because I can't control them and being so far away and practicing this has helped just roll even deeper with the GeWilli Chill...

words, will have to improv some words, try to hit the bullet points and put them in a natural order but scripting?

Let the words flow, like when I get in a groove here, sometimes they just come rolling out faster than my fingers can capture them, and I trip up a little and get lost, but I'm also not trying to talk for a huge long time so hopefully I won't.

let the work speak for itself, give the background, brief outline, people can ask if they want more details...

let it be what it is

time to hop in the car and drive for a while

got thinking, started on Wed morning...  hugs...  is the best part of the bike racing all the hugs with all the amazing people I've had the fortune to meet? Sure there are people who don't want hugs and for them just seeing them, and then not hugging them, that's almost as good as a hug...

side track - another side track, masks, going to be game time call if i mask the whole time or just when I'm not talking, but if no one shows maybe I can just chill and not. We'll see. bringing options... and myself.

time to drive

heddwch

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Waves from the weeds

 Hitting the wall already. it is fucking tuesday though.

That's not good.

Wrapped up a training session early - by a few minutes, after an insane morning. Not sleeping well with all the stuff going on. I had managed to cut back on coffee a little while in Seattle. Saturday had a little too much of it and well...  didn't sleep well and here I am paying for that.

Not even any good riding. Working on the exhibit stuff.

Speaking of: https://nebigallery.org/

I told y'all about it right? You're gonna be there? Right? Maybe too far away. 

But it is soaking up all the fucking time I have. Like ALL of it and I'm already pretty overwhelmed just trying to recover from being gone for 5 days. 

Still recovering from it.

But the gallery is opening, I'm excited, I think. Headed down there tonight. I wish it was a lot close but it is where it is and is such a unique opportunity that I couldn't say no and well...  here we go. Somehow have to make it till Friday night when the opening happens and then home.

But it is only Tuesday. 

But besides hitting the wall things are good. It is weird? But a really nice change.

Sorry about the mostly radio silence... gotta get through this shit first. then get back it all.

heddwch

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sunny in Kitsap County?

 In the spring? 

Crazy.

Went for a drive, hung out with my nephew (he's not a year old yet) and his parents...  

not getting much rest, but recovering in different ways.

it is good.

a few more days and then I spent the night flying

and i'm back to the crazy

gotta say i kind of like this change of pace, would be nice if the whole sleeping schedule thing let me actually rest, but time zones and shit... 

at least there's coffee...

and still very little to no social media. hell i even made the one Strava hike up from the beach private.

heddwch
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time to recharge?

 I guess that's what you call it?

Trying something new, no social media about where I am or what I'm doing.

And for me not a big deal other than when I'm here I'm usually posting all sorts of fucking photos because it is amazing.

But I think maybe taking a break is good. 

Brought the big laptop, very very very little else with me. Have to write up some basics for the gallery, history, pathway to get here, what lead to the collection that kind of stuff.

Getting up at 5am eastern time and then not getting to bed until 10:30pm pacific time is a long time to be awake. And then top it off I had to drive home from Seattle through Tacoma just before bed. And today I'm wiped out from everything, from last week, the weekend, travel, riding.

No bike for the week. I rode into the headwind in the 24F weather yesterday morning. That sucked. Then I changed shoes really quickly and ran/jogged to the train station, bought a ticket and then walked down onto the train and it left. That was close.

I might put up the photos here, just to satifsy and placate the need to share. So maybe it'll be more photo journal this week. If i pull out the computer and do this. We'll see eh?

i'd annotate but maybe they are self explanatory

Heddwch

-G

backlog? Hah F'n beaver damn

 its like the fucking beavers went nuts instead of hibernating, and well, shit's stacked up and the rain's falling from the sky and the snow pack is melting and the little beaver pond is now rivaling glen canyon dam. 

That's how it feels with this here web log right now.

And ya know how that usually ends up.

All that piling up behind the dam... well it'll pile up for only so long before a flaw in the beaver's engineering is exposed and the whole thing lets loose and we start from scratch.

Reading (actually reading and listening, hybrid style approach to a book) a book. Now reading. And reading before bedtime. Been a long time since doing that. 

have to use readers now, eyes ain't what they used to be and i'm worried that the whole reading is cranking the brain up and that's fucking with my sleep.

Because I woke right the fuck up this morning at 3am with what felt like a motherfucking brilliant idea to open the presser for the Gallery show coming up.

so I woke up, grabbed my phone, headed to the bathroom, sat down to take a piss (it is fucking dark and i'm mostly asleep and that fucking toilet is a long way away from my... well you get the idea) and just start trying to get this idea into some sort of sensical idea and opening...

Haven't gone back to write it but the act of writing it def helped remember and those words and ideas are percolating. 

So oh yeah, if you're local, or find the need to travel down to Westerly, RI on April 15th, come hang out at the gallery. Gonna be the regular gallery opening things music, artist talking, shit to look at... More details here soon but put it on the fucking calendar.

Had a little cancellation today - unexpected but appreciated. First time in weeks that I've had a chance to sit in my chair, in my office for more than a few minutes. And miraculously the full facility is running smoothly right now, packed full of users and non of them have been running to me to help. At least so far.

Rained on Saturday - there's some shit i should have done but I was wrecked and tired and basically just kind felt guilty about resting and recovering while it rained.

Headed out on sunday, a bit later in the day for one hell of a good MTB ride. Not super long but no one was really taking it easy and chasing three fast old dudes crushed me and my legs. Or maybe it was the shopping right afterwards. I was a useless pile at home after all that. 

Monday was nuts but i started a new book. Inbetween Dunes (just finished Children of Dune, next one is on the phone waiting to start listening to). A walk in the Woods. A book I'd never read. Got a pile of books from a friend, like real actual paper ones. Been a while. And that mountain of books is pretty fucking tall to get through right now. So, fuck it lets read. 

either too much coffee (possible) or reading before sleeping (also possible) or body still kind of wrecked from the riding... I slept like garbage Sunday Monday and Tuesday night. Right it is Wednesday. Fucking monday felt like a Friday, I was in a FPF mood too. Caught a few people off guard. 

So yesterday - after not sleeping much I figured, fuck it, lets smackdown. Graham says it'll be a no smack smackdown. Except Leon showed up and hit it hard on the turn to Woodward and left me, Jason also kindly said he wasn't ready to go that hard, so we rode together. I went as hard as I think I felt I could w/o being at the limit. I probably could have gone faster but I dunno, was not feeling awesome. 

But knee felt good and i tweaked the saddle angle and that seemed to fix the lower back hip pain from riding this bike. Was frustrating when he dragged everyone off... but hey - that's to be expected. Gonna miss next week but maybe I'll be rested for the following Tuesday? or Fresh? or still really tired from the Red eye flight and catching up over the weekend...

Was going somewhere but got side-tracked somewhere. 

Oh that what's your favorite something ice breaker question thread on twitter the other day... yeah that is insta-freeze for my brain. "what's your favorite color?" ummmm "what's your favorite bike?" ummmm

now if you ask me "what's your favorite road shifter lever thing?" 5700... fucking instant response. No need to think...  Favorite CX pro? not much thought there, Favorite car? Actually also pretty easy: 99.5 2 door Golf TDI...  I guess it is kind of easy to see the issue, the vague social small talk questions/answers lock me the fuck up, traumatically, the specific shit that only a small handle of outliers can talk about? Those are the easy ones. 

Oh and I broke another pair of glasses. I've got basically only industrial chemical safety clear glasses to wear on the bike now. Somehow have to resolve that problem soon. If I'm going to keep riding the Black Blue (fucking thing has probably over 20k miles on it) I'll need new drive train. The chain is at the 150% wear point - but it is shimano and hasn't started skipping, much and is worn together. No, the drivetrain doesn't have that many miles on it. And shit - just looked. There's no 10speed shift left in S-tech... damnit. Well fuck I dunno then. Need a new bike but do I NEED one. No. But yeah whatever. Would be nice to be on a road bike eh? 

Anyway.

There's other stuff but I'm getting more distracted and sleepy.

Give this a watch. 

Good shit in there.

Heddwch
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Trail builders shanty...

 They climbed the hill one morning, the weather it was fair

The peak loomed high above the clouds and no one gave a care.

They walked in cotton and that day and they dreams they never failed.

They're out to build a might trail for all of us to rail

The captain said a piece of gold for those who shaped me trail.

So bend your backs and dig me lads.

I know that we won't fail.

So bend your backs and dig the lads,

and build this mighty trail.

Tonight we'll sing and dance, and tomorrow night we can rail.

And Yubee rigged some dynamite and lit a faulty fuse

it blew the rock and took them too, leaving nothing but their shoes

now 100 years have passed 

since the captain and his crew split the earth 

and cracked the rock that trail came rushing through.

The trail it goes on living, for that rock it bares a scar.

And if you ever drop that chute, a voice calls from afar.

Bend your backs and dig me lads and build this mighty trail.

Tonight we'll sing and dance and tomorrow we can rail.

We'll carve and shape the loam and dirt and a prouder folk they'll be.

To carve a trail that plummets from the mountains to the sea.

https://youtu.be/juxlm5dorLU

To film in pure black and white

 Maybe only possible with the Q2 from Leica? 

Filming on a 28 lens only? perhaps?

But holy mother of all that is nature and beauty it would be completely enthralling to watch.

Accurate and true grayscale...  no RBG noise... This film does a good job in B&W but there are moments that feel not quite as good as can be.

Perhaps I've watched too many black and white films, maybe strongest of the influences being: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty_and_the_Beast_(1946_film)

holy crap it is on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSsw3WJgKrw (for now)

And yeah, that's black and white. Rending black and white with digital isn't a problem, but capturing it? That's where the challenge lies. The fucking cursed bayer mask.

I love the black and white films just like I prefer and love black and white images.
Here's another: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytEqB_lVJA8

And probably always will. There's a place for color, for sure, but sometimes... sometimes you need black and white.  Ah to be really actually wealthy... such is life tho.

Hey maybe the Comencal was shot on a https://www.red.com/DSMC2-MONOCHROME-BRAIN?quantity=1&sensor=1  doesn't quite feel like it, but what do I know. stills mostly... But when I look at that link I'm thinking there is one hell of a lot more stuff that needs to be purchased to start creating with it. 

Damnit - used up my time, have to focus so i can leave my office sanctuary before it is dark (didn't bring lights today to try and force myself to think about the departure).

y'all be good, create as well as consume quality

heddwch
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