Waiting, time to kill

So roller coaster. Bottomed out Thursday rebounded towards the end of the day. Splurged on beer, got some Brown sugah because the were out of maximus. Shared them, got caught in the rain, made dinner drive into city got lots came home. Slept OK. But still exhausted.
Super complicated night, left me in office longer, then met everyone they ate, I didn't now grumpy and waiting for dance to end so I can go home finally. Long days.

Swyping a big post sucks. Faster than two thumbs but slower than all the fingers, can't quite keep up, at all.

This is where it would be nice to drop in on a friend for an hour share a beer and decompress.

But maybe that's what the blog is. A friend I can talk to. But man, this thing sucks more than I do at conversation. Esp the kind that helps me shake it off.

Also can't really have a beer with the blog. If I want so broke is go to a bar and at least not be alone, unlike sitting here in the dark in the van.

But it is quiet. I hit a dozen breaking points this week. Crashed through them, found new ones I didn't know existed. Had one dream that was terrifying and another that is still vividly haunting me. Why? I dunno, have you ever had a dream where you are dreaming you're sleeping and that's like the best sleep ever? This dream, this instance. I was happy. Like all the happy hormone pathways lit up in my dream. And physically felt overwhelmingly happy. Why? In u dreams there was this random tall Italian woman. Dunno who, no real life parallels, which makes it weirder. Esp the tall part. That feeling though. More than anything it tells me that I'm not broken, it is in there. And that's positive? Or something.

Get through this weekend. Then through next week, and the week after... Wait... The pattern keeps repeating. Oh shit.

I'd love the focus and distraction of racing right about now. Ninegret? Yes please. But no. Holding out hope that the 10th of April is good. It can go either way.
But that's all I got.

That and getting my ass handed to me on smackdown.

And the commute, and the fact that the cell phone bone commute pics are more popular than the shit I have to really work at on the microscope.

This maybe wasn't the best way to spend the down time, in the dark, alone. With the glow of an old slow crappy phone, dragging my thumb around some keyboard.

I need a mental health day. On the bike. Nothing else. Just pedaling.

I need a lot more than that, yeah thanks peanut gallery in my head, but that day, it is a start.

I wish today had the magic of yesterday afternoon, I need more of that magic.

Oh well, swyping post done. Except it is the only thing keeping me awake right now, and I have too many but not enough minute to fall asleep. So on the edge.

Oh well. I'm done.

Heddwch
G