a cosmic blink

to start, lets us someone else's words tweeted at me:

"You are critical as a motherfucker of everything, unless you're busy being overenthusiastic, so net still largely positive."

kind of sort of made me chuckle, and it made me smile. Why? because yeah pretty much that's me, and the final bit - still somehow net positive.

My critical nature isn't coming from a place of being negative, it is from pointing out how to be better, what are the flaws and maybe they can be fixed to help everyone.

Make ripples, ripples make waves, waves can reshape things. But direction of positivity. Oh i fail miserably at staying positive in critque. But over the years i've managed to keep the insanely critical edge yet soften it now and then when I realize maybe it would be better to sweeten the bitter poison of reality, as I dissect it.

But hey, no one is perfect, i'm kind of as far as possible from it, flawed to the core, physically and mentally and emotionally. But I'm me. Got here from being that.

The quote - a tweet - has been bouncing around in my head for a bit today. Mostly while building bikes... nice new fancy bikes.... I see lots of people get new bikes and go fucking bananas about them, case studies in overenthusiasm if there ever were. Time and time again, year after year. Each new bike is a "revelation of marvel" each new bike gets them talking about how amazing it is and how did they ride w/o this before or they cleaned a section of trail they'd never cleaned or...  fill in the blank. We've heard it. So many times.

And it is awesome. Honestly. I think that's great. in the sampling of friends I've noticed it is always genuine, and that's okay. Predictable, because the next new bike they get will get the same reaction and I know now to pretty much completely ignore any weight in evaluating a product from them but it is okay, it is good, because they are jazzed up, they are happy, positive, supportive....  Sure maybe they have a chip in the game, maybe the bike is a demo, maybe it was a spiff for reppin the brand or building the whatever. I've been fortunate to get free shit that's awesome. Except not all of it was awesome. And hey the Zipps now are recalled. Gotta find out about what the policy for Tubulars are. 'cause yeah i may only have a year left on these wheels if they survive another rock bomb g-ster...  yet the hub is recalled and the rim is toast. Garbage can? but no plenty good rubber still glued up. Were they perfect? Nope, i'd have been overenthusiastic about them if they were. Was I a total and complete idiot not to run them on both races at Nationals? Yup absofuckinglutely one of the more colossally STUPID moves and choices bike racing. I'm better at analysing and giving others advice than myself. Why? Because if i give myself bad advice - fuck who cares, not like I can do anything with good advice so if I make the wrong choice, no big deal. But someone else? Different. Haunted by potentially giving bad counsel.

Today was a day of bikes, and shopping, and bikes. I hate Felts. only because the packaging takes forever to deal with. Nearly 2x longer build than a Trek, and that's all from the stupid packing. Trek's survive just fine with minimal and perfect prep - Felt? F'n overkill.

But i had an idea, a cross platform tool, that could speed the f'n process with the Felts. But right now - built the last one. Treks coming in, Raleighs coming in...  lots of both. Crank em out. When they come in. Just a couple kids bikes to build left in the shop. No big bikes. So if i encounter that Felt think, i'll be prepared. If i can find the tool and then bring it with me.

Shoogs... his dad...  thoughts...  things migrate towards thinking about friends who've passed too soon, and others given the most dreadful of timelines. Still not fully fleshed out, idea and emotions not able to convincingly express to my satisfaction. But crux of thinking is: we all have a finite timespan. We are all going to die.

Pretty much no one has figured out how to avoid that yet. that whole dying thing. We're really good as a species of helping end life, violently, slowly with toxic advice, what not....  different topics each. But.. back to it...

We're all going to fucking die. Why not live life like we've been given a year to live, but maybe if we do everything right and get lucky we can live another 20. How would that change you, and why doesn't that mean enough to change people's lives?

Honestly, I think a good handful of people I feel closest too probably wouldn't change a thing. They are living life as they would under any circumstance. I'm not sure I am, or if I am not. Leave no trace, leave no negative impact, sow seeds, leave the ground more fertile and rich than you found it, be a source of love, of hugs, of joy...  not a sink.

People like Mark NIcholson, Ezra... these guys...  what they did, what they accomplished, what they inspired before all too soon they were extinguished. What so many like them have done.

But then how can you think about that and not be struck by the sadness of those who die from suicide. Such polar opposites, but then is that narrowed window nothing if but a stimulant of wanting to soak in every last bit of wonder and awesome?

Point being...  we're all going to die...  why not match stride for stride those who've inspired us, those who said fuck it - this is the right thing to do and I'm doing it and then we all watch as the ripples spread. Magically. To all of us.

I guess it comes back to this:

“Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
― Robert F. Kennedy

Life is fleeting, our span on this rock hurtling through space is but a cosmic blink. Our impacts are local, our actions are not far reaching, but they reach our loved ones, and our loved ones loved ones, and everyone else living in this one cosmic blink.. a few blinks from now, nothing we've done will matter, unless of course we wipe out humanity but then...  our demise won't change the keeping of cosmic time...  maybe some distant alien life form will find us, and spend a millennium studying our archeological records.

But that isn't our concern, our concern, should be how we treat those around us, and how we take care of ourselves, or shit - fuck that - take care of everyone else first. You are one, everyone else is many.

heddwch
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