musing some more

Was thinking about what Steve said (as promised the link: https://www.instagram.com/p/BydYX65HylU/?igshid=1wsae2fsq9u17 )

And I was thinking about that idea of hoping those you leave behind would move on and be okay...

and thinking about the friends and friends of friends i've lost who've picked that way to go...

picked that way because their pain was too much to live with, or life was so desperately frustrating or sad that there was only one option for them...

yes, I think about this quite a lot...  obvious reasons why, many echoed in Steve's eloquent words...

when one picks that route, they end their own pain, but I think in some cosmic karmic way the pain is just transfered, multiplied, amplified into those that care about them, leaving those who were hopelessly helpless to change their choice, to carry that burden around for the rest of their lives...

no i'm not trying to diminish the power of depression...  or to use this as a way to guilt people into hanging around, no, we make our own lives right? When we're at that fork in the road, it is our choice to pick the path...

but the notion of the transfer of the pain, esp in the particular case of suicide, to be somewhat worth getting out of my head...

be well, be kind, being selfish is what all the self help people say, but being selfless is better for the humans, because we're not solitary creatures, we impact others, directly and indirectly...

and yes - no one is looking out for you - well other than me - so you still have to find the balance that I seem unable to...

yes... all the dots... a visible punctuation that helps imply the trailing off of spoken phrase, the quite mumbling of the last few words... sure i use it too much... but my tool box is a mess, i use what i can get my hands on in an attempt to get it done.

heddwch
G