i did absofuckinglutely... nothing...
well of substance, i emailed, i did a little work, i ate some food, i exhibited some extra self restraint and did not make an aeropress coffee at 3:50pm
I did open up all tabs, Dave and Tim both have good web log posts up. Inspirational I suppose, in that it got me to stop before opening the second tab and start here.
On the other hand not doing anything is something I've so rarely done, a break. I went back to sleep after waking up just before 6am. Rolled out of bed and put sweats on and made coffee. I haven't changed since. I looked at the pile of stuff I need to organize, I looked at the bikes that need attention, I looked outside at the warm windy day, and I didn't do anything. It is weird but finally kind of nice. No bike shop work today, no ride, just rest, recover. Watched a few youtube things, Becca's pre-ride of the race today, started watching an old MTB movie about some irish kids, but somehow DH and freeride and the likes from pre-2010 just seem irrelevant and the film quality coupled with a less than compelling storyline had me turning it off pretty quickly.
Ride tomorrow maybe yeah? Mt bike of course. A photo of me got featured as promo for a self timed version of the event that was the only race I did in 2020. Ya remember the one where i broke the spoke and then two more and yeah. That.
It is a good photo. But I'm not sure about doing the ride self timed as a one lap race. Still not sure my head is wrapped around a MTB TT yet.
I haven't been very good at doing wrap up posts at the end of the year. I seem to feel like I keep saying I will but then never coming back to actually doing that.
This year has been strange. First one when no one has traveled anywhere. No races for anyone, no concerts, I've continued that heading out on the weekend for a ride in the car, sort of like a bike race but not really, i mean sometimes it is as exhausting as a race, but it still isn't one.
What do we do looking forward? More of the same, we keep wearing masks, avoiding public spaces as much as possible, keep working to support others and pushing for significant change. We try to stay healthy, we should urge others to do the same with moral support or just by example.
It has been interesting to see the staggering numbers of people saying what i usually do, the calendar is arbitrary, nothing really changes, life is a more of a river than a canal with locks.
Hmmm, shit that's kind of it isn't it. We start off as a melt water stream, and flow steadily onward, downward and all those visuals eh? One year is a strange measure of time but for all the abitrary feeling that the human construct of a calendar is, you can't deny that it is still rooted in this planet and has arisen from celestial movement. We are all both in and we ARE the universe. As a human you are the center of your perceptions thus your universe.
And yeah, strava, RwGPS, all those metrics reset. But maybe we need to be more like a car's odometer, no going back, starting over, it is what it is and displays every mile of our journey.
I'm still not fully recovered from the last week, mostly, certainly better than I have and I actually feel mentally more recovered and rested than I have in a while. Part of that is due to bits of days like today. It took this long because of days like Sunday and Monday this past week.
I'm hopeful that I can make it work, that I can keep this even keel for a bit longer.
Honestly liked how I felt after all that riding on the trainer, just didn't like how tired I was after doing it so frequently and for so long. Perhaps maybe it should be a couple night a week thing, or a morning thing. Or something. I don't expect my weekday riding is going to change much, weekends will still likely be long MTB rides. but I would like a little more, I think i can benefit from a little more. Maybe it will help get me back to race weight. 7 years ago i was 195 pounds, SEVEN. that's a long fucking time. 3 years ago i was 215, my shirts that fit loosely then don't, it isn't just a wee extra bit of squish in the middle (there is that) there's more mass. MTB i think, all that upper body. But back has been really happy and i feel much stronger. And for someone my height, the weight really isn't all that heavy.
Looking forward I suppose the real A cycling goal will be the 24HOGG. I'd REALLY love to do the Transylvania Epic but #1 it is a shit ton of cash, #2 I have zero faith that the pandemic will be under control by then. August? Yeah maybe. Even that I'm pretty skeptical about. Another think i would like to do is ride some more trails, in other places. Maybe that means driving up to Mass. I would also like to get back on the Hundo mode. I rode a total of ONE century last year. That's crazy. Not sure I want to do one a month, but more than one. That said you might recall I had plans to do that, starting in March as prep for 24HOGG, well we all know how that wound up. I pushed it off till April, then May then hoped it would get cancelled and it did. But where to ride, with whom? That's the bigger demotivational aspect of it. I am an anti-social social person but I still would love to ride up and see friends or get a coffee at the turn around spot, gives the ride, even if just a veneer, some practical purpose. That and I should probably put together a bike with gears for that.
We all press on, how do we do this, how to we keep moving forward. This whole getting old thing. Oh shit. RIGHT. THAT. FUCKING HELL. I've got 8 months left to reply to the how old are you question with "I'm in my forties" shit... motherfucking hell.
Hey, want to come to my birthday party? It'll probably have something to do with bikes. or food, not sure, probably both, who knows where. Also it is almost 9 months away, an absolute fuck ton of shit can change between now and then. Best not to make plans now. But def planning on making plans at some point when it is possible and logical to make the plans. And maybe I won't smash my head on a rock on my birthday like i did this year, but it can't be any worse than that 2011 birthday party... or the follow up attempt to make up for it with a trip in the truck to L'ville in '13, well meaning intentions tho...
Life goes on, like steph always said "the choices you made..."
As a positive affirmation to end on, I am still very comfortable and happy and thankful that in 2018 I was able to stop drinking. Sober life has helped, is better. I'll reflect more on that later, but it is how I have to be and it is a really good thing.
so be well, do good, and
Amor Fati Motherfuckers
heddwch,
G
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