introspection-section: Flat out

Friday, March 17, 2023

Flat out

Hit the wall yesterday.

Couldn't figure out why.

then

remembered...

time change

right

up an hour earlier every day this week, body says the fuck you doing going to sleep before we normally go to sleep so that side of the day has been a struggle. the lost hours of sleep have been tough.

Add to it i scratched my eye and it is just now finally back to just about normal and isn't waking me up all dry and painful.

but

here

we are

big things happened on the family side - or maybe not big, more of a resolution and moving forward, a solidification of an unknown into a known and maybe a path lighting up. All this week.

me? flat out. still. it is crazy but good, different but the same.

And yes.

The film.

Getting pulled back into that world. Fucking love it.

But at the same time the drive for perfection is insane, the short comings or maybe thinking positively, the unique aspects of the OM-10 are frustrating. That focal plane shift from perception to capture. That's the beauty of film, the variable suit my way of thinking. SO many of them.

Going forward I know the OM-10 will be soft, and shooting wide open I won't have precise control of where the focal plane is. I have to be okay with that when using that camera. And yeah. I can kind of see myself having film in most of these cameras, different film maybe, or the same, film suited to that lens and style...

or not... still exploring, still relearning. But learning by adding to the years of doing this differently. I find my style and voice is the same as the phone camera, as the Stylus Tough cameras that I always carried with me before the phone got good enough to capture what I saw.

and here I am. printouts of contact sheets that photoshop made of the scans.

I feel a good level of satisfaction though. Most all of the frames are intentional and stand alone. I like the whole fucking roll. Each perfect? No but each good. Some perfect. Some better. but I'm looking through and jumping around and going back and really feeling like, these are good.

Except the moon.. those were bad but maybe they are salvageable, haven't really spent time with them other than a brief wtf is this image 'oh right, dammit'

But then hey maybe the Pentax won't be any better. But I am shooting that mostly with the 28mm and it is only a 3.5 wide open so even the closest up photos will have a long enough depth of field. But when I stick that 55 1.8 on there, we'll see what happens.

One thing I've been thinking about and trying to sort out is subject matter. Like I'd love to take those striking photos of people but I look at people and don't see a photo.

I look at landscape and I guess don't see a photo all the time but I do see 'photo' like there's a physical feeling of 'TAKE PHOTO' when i see it. I don't get that feeling looking at people. Could simply be I don't take many photos of people. Like never/rarely take photos of people. Maybe it is something to do with more intent?

The thing that actually got me to open up this to write was a video. I watched a couple but this one.