MI Coast to Coast write up

(written on Sunday and Monday June 23 & 24)

After math

Well I finished. All done. Made it.

Did not get in before sunset. Couple factors there - but I did finish.

Pre-ride meeting was one thing, we drove over to look at the start, then up to the hotel. Jeff and Nancy let me crash in their room, therma-rest over air mattress. We had an early dinner out, then headed back to the room. And we were all horizontal by 7:30 or so. Jeff discovered American Ninja warrior, he’d never seen it before, hotel TV is a novelty eh? Turned it off at 9:30. It was still light outside. But we sacked out until 3:45. left the hotel at 5;05, got to the start and parked and loaded by 5:40 am.  grabbed a few photos - dipped the wheels in the lake.

And rolled out. we didn’t stage near the front, among the last group to roll out through the neutral chaos of the water filled potholes and then the hub deep mud along one stretch. There was one semi-passable line (barely walkable -def not rideable) and we bunched up heavily there too.

My eyes keep closing trying to write this at 2pm on Sunday. Why? Well the whole day in the saddle, and then going to bed at 2:30, 75 min away from being awake for 24 hours, pedaling for 14:45 of that.

might try and see if eyes can stay closed….

---Monday--2019-06-24---

Lets give this another try - slept well last night. Woke up at 6am, put some of those sleep blinder things on to block out the sun and got another couple hours of needed sleep.

I’ve been drinking some good high test coffee this morning and am jacked. Had a great phone conversation with a former co-worker who is now in the imaging rep side of things and we always have a great conversation about microscopes and a little about life and other things but mostly microscope nerd level stuff. And that’s fun.

Ate some avocado toast with a bit of cheese. Drinking coffee… Tom headed off to the office after a bit this morning. But the lawn mowing guys showed up and it is loud here right now.

Def feeling better today, almost human. Tiny bit of numbness in the toes on my left foot. The shoes are not perfect. But that was it. Helmet was awesome. Bibs were great, bike above reproach, wheels so amazing, tires were also perfect.

So if we roll back a bit to where I was trying to write on Sunday afternoon unable to keep my eyes open (I did actually fall asleep by some miracle) We’d just left the mud bog.

I think we were probably in the last 10% of the field. Maybe even lower than that. We were in the party, relaxed section. But it was flat, we were fresh, and there was a  tailwind and we could see people ahead of us. No one was passing us though. Yeah we were close to last. And that’s fine. Consistentcy is more important than going out hard and blowing up. Up to check point one were were going great. Big Tony, Jeff and I were rotating through, picking up people and more people. Our  little group swelled to about 16 people at the first check point. Tailwind and fresh legs. I was still not working hard at all. But we did see the only stretch with real gravel on the road. And yeah there was one line through it. It was maybe half a mile. But literally one single line. Everything else was really pretty much packed dirt roads. Some pavement, not much. And then the sand, but not there yet.

We rolled into Checkpoint one. We had a nature break about 15-20 miles before the checkpoint. I ate one of the two sandwiches I had made this morning and packed with me. Thin slicked smoked turkey, cheese, mayo, dijon on seven grain bread. It was delicious. The mayo was the key - smooth silky and yummy. I had started with two bottles of coffee. I had 24oz of iced coffee when I woke up, grabbed a 12 oz cup at the breakfast service where I made an english muffin sandwich with some shitty egg like thin and two sausage patties. I also drank a bottle of blueberry kefir for breakfast. Nearly finished both bottles at the rest stop, but not quite.

Started with arm and knee warmers. Before putting those on i did cover myself in blue lizard. And then put the knee and arm warmers on. for the start. It was cold. So many people riding in bare knees in 48 F temps. Nuts. It wasn’t that warm. And it didn’t warm up enough to make knee and arm warmers uncomfortable before the check point.

Shedded the knee and arm warmers and then put on enough blue lizard (sensitive stuff - just the base and zinc and titanium oxide) to make me pretty literally a pallid shade of white. But i think i actually missed a spot above the sock line on my left ankle. Means I have a very very painful section. Also a pretty damn amazing proof of efficacy for the sunscreen. I put it on once. I put a bit more on my face at Check point 2, but not the arms or legs. I made another sandwich. I ate a Grillos Hot (spicy not temp) pickle, took a tiny swig of the brine. Put a 3rd bottle in the jersey with a single serving packet of scratch in it. And that was it. Plugged the phone during the stop. Didn’t charge the garmin. we took a group photo and headed out.

Leaving CP1 we hit some hills pretty soon. Not hills so much as a bit of elevation. We started slowly climbing. And Tony started draggin a bit. Roads were def more dirt. But it was fun, still catching people and riding through them. A few came through us but not many at least at first. And then we turned onto a road with the photog’s car parked and an endless view of water filled holes most spanning the whole ‘road’ trail.. Jeff said “OH I remember THIS!” Fuck. He’s on a hardtail Mt bike. Tony is on a C-dale CX bike with 35c tires, maybe 38s. I’m on my bike, i’ll dig that thing through soon, it was significant. Jeff and I were just floating through, line choice was critical and it was very much mt biking, there was some sand, but mostly water and we could find a dry line. And then it ends in a sand pit. Seasonal road, ends in single track sand. Jeff bails but then gets back on soon and rides away through the sand. I stand there and wait looking for Tony. Tony eventually shows up, people come by me, walking. I get back on and ride and it is fun and I drill it, catch Jeff and hammer some more, feeling good, not working just having fun.

But those guys are way back. I find a shady spot, stop. Jeff rolls up. And eventually Tony comes on up. And we roll on. Two track turns to dirt. Lots of OVRs, quads and quads. Groups of them. People riding these things together - eating huge plumes of each other’s dust. I don’t get it. But hey. We’re the idiots on bikes riding across the state.

Tony starts really slowing down now. Each tiny bit of elevation is tough. Turns out he didn’t eat a sandwich or anything other than some twizzlers and a mini-coke? at CP1.

(time to go spin for an hour before the rain)

The ride just now was great - an hour long easy spin with Tom, it was windy, and humid as fuck but not raining it felt great to feel great on the bike. Contact points were fantastic.

Then had some lunch, talked more climbing, about the film last night and altitude adaptations and other random shit (Tom has climbed Rainier 42 times, and Hood and McKinley dozens of times - yeah he was a guide out there before begrudgingly becoming a lawyer).

And now finally getting back to this.

So it was getting a bit warmer, but not terrible, but it was dusty, and we were cruising. Waiting for Tony meant that Jeff and I were just tooling along, taking it easy, relaxed just pedaling along. Timed the water pretty well. I’d drink the first bottle that was in the jersey, the one with the skratch labs in it, then the coffee and then finally the water, eating the sandwich somewhere along the way, always a second sandwich ready to go. I did stuff some extra food in my mouth at the first stop - but that was the pickle and a few extra slices of smoked turkey.

When we got to CP2 Tony was hurting. But Jeff and Tony sat down on some chairs and their wives got them sandwiches and candy and mini-cokes and stuff. I plugged in the garmin, the phone, started making a sandwich, put a few dabs more sun screen on my nose. One of the single speed guys had a flat - he wanted to buy a tube, i tried to give him the tube he gave me $20, and i tried to give it back but didn’t. And told him I have more tubes if he needs them.

I went in to take a leak - wanted to put a touch more bag balm on but my bag with it was buried and we were getting ready to head out so I declined to put nancy through the effort. I unplugged the shit - we took a photo and we headed out. I drank maybe a bottle of water at the stop, ate my pickle took a swig of the brine and that was it. Headed out after the photo feeling awesome. Bottle of coffee, bottle of water, bottle of skratch. No big deal I finished the other legs with left over.

Somehow I thought it would be fine over the next leg even though they said it was the hardest leg. I didn’t realize it was not just the hilliest, but also 10 miles longer than the other legs and we were now in the hottest part of the day.

So yeah. I think that is called literary foreshadowing.  

Yes, I should have looked more closely. But I don’t really drink that much usually. 60 miles with 3 full bottles even in the summer shouldn’t be an issue.

When we left CP2 I felt great, Jeff was in good spirits, Tony was doing great but not super quick, I figured it was just him warming back up after sitting. And then we were on roads with the wind at our back, that were flat, and Tony was doing about 10mph. I started doing some mental calculations, not my strong suit, this was going to take a while. But I hung out. Jeff kept saying just go ahead, Tony will understand, Nancy will be there at the checkpoint, just go. I waited and didn’t want to leave them. How many people dragged my ass back into shape? So many friends waited on the long rides when I was slow and suffering. But this wasn’t just a training ride. Jeff kept saying “You drove all the way from CT” Jeff I live in Rhode Island “Right RI/CT same thing, anyway that is a long way, just go, take off - see if you can make it by sunset, Tony will totally understand.”

At that point the single speed guy I sold a tube to for $20 came by on the wheel of another tall guy, they were doing 20. Jeff said - go, I went.

I tagged on to those two, the Single speed guy was happy to have me join but said he wouldn’t be able to pull, and hell that was fine by me. This big kid (might not have even been 30) was looking strong. Why was he this far back I wonder. Maybe like SS guy he had a big mechanical. Whatever it was this was a comfortable pace and we were moving. Tim and I were taking turns, yeah Tim. Turns out he is from California, signed up to do the team relay with a friend but he didn’t come all that way to just to half of it so he rode the first half with his friend and then his leg was the second half and that’s how we wound up together. A couple miles later after a climb and a descent single speed guy was gone. He got dropped at some point and we didn’t notice, and we didn’t wait long.

It was fun, but then it started getting tough. It was getting warm and exposed. More and more sand. Tim would be faster over a hill and then I’d be faster over the hill, we’d take turns being the stronger one. I ate, I drank. And before too long I was down to not much water. Way too soon to be that low. Fuck.

I was doing fine, we were rolling along not a problem. I had just less than a half a bottle of Skratch left. Two empty bottles. And my left leg, abductor, medial quad head and hamstring start feeling like they are going to cramp. you know that pre-cramp feeling. I tried not pedaling for a bit - that made it worse, I had to soft pedal through it - got a little better but then started flaring up. Gave in and drank most of the last of the bottle. Cramp went away.

But now I was 15-20 miles from CP3 and essentially out of water. And it was sunny as fuck.

I started to mentally crack. Tim was awesome, he was patient, we had some great conversations riding together.

And from the moment I joined in with him we were passing people. Lots of people. How many? I dunno. But Looking at the checkpoint numbers I came in to CP2 63rd, and came into CP3 cracked and riding dehydrated and struggling at 43rd. Or something and that’s just my age group. It is hard to check the results from the mobile browser. Maybe I’ll be able to see more once I get home on a big computer.

So we’re rolling through the middle of nothing. No houses, just boarded up cabins. There was one party outside - but my brain didn’t register it soon enough to stop and ask for water. We kept pedaling.

At one crossing there was a woman sitting in the back of an open minivan cheering people on. I hit the brakes and asked maybe if she had any water. She did. I had been out for a while. I drank nearly a whole bottle and gave myself a brain freeze and filled up the bottle one more time and thanked her profusely. The $20 bill was sitting in the bag in the sag vehicle or i would have given it to her. Now a note of clarification. it isn’t okay to have contact with your own support vehicle on the ride outside of the checkpoints. But this wasn’t my sag support and I needed the water or who knows what might have happened out there. It would have been worse, and I am really grateful for the water. I probably should have asked if I could fill up all my bottles but that felt like asking too much.

Now with a bit more water we started to really hit the most challenging sections: The sand and two track through the Big M leading up to Dublin. It was fun but it was brutal, a lot of upper body stuff. It was slow and challenging. But I had fun with it and did pretty well in it. The bike and tires were perfect, well as perfect as it could be for it without being a Fat bike or a MTB.

I tried to push. From CP3 it was only 45 miles to the finish. Sunset award/prize cut off was 9:30ish, knowing that, I knew we were close to being able to make it, maybe, maybe not, but there was a chance now, if I could make a quick turn around at the CP.

I rolled in to the CP3. It seemed to take forever to get there. Nancy was set up in a really awesome visible spot. I rolled in and they said I looked HORRIBLE. I felt it. I went straight to a bottle off Skratch, no more just water. I ate a few peices of steak (nancy was grilling some steak at the CP). I drank maybe two bottles at the pit stop, had a pickle, sipped some more brine, charged the Garmin, plugged the phone in but left it plugged in as I rode away, carrying the battery with me. I had to mount the lights. Of course the number plate didn’t work with the lower Blender mount so I had to tear a slot in the plate for the light to slide on. I packed the back up light, instead of trying to make a sandwich I stuffed a few cliff bars in.

All that took way too long. How long? I have no idea but Nancy said I rolled out at 7:04. I looked way better. I felt way better. And when I started pedaling I felt great. And I started pushing it again. And pushing it. I took a couple wrong turns. It is harder to navigate alone. None of the turns were too far off but they took time. Almost immediately out of Dublin we were on a single track. It was super fun, smooth and flowy.

Everyone kept talking about Koon this Koon that. I was pushing it - as much as I could but the wrong turns put me behind a few people, or I passed them more than once. And then we got to the top of the monster downhill. Problem was the bottom of it was 2-4” of the driest finest sand…  hit it wrong and KABOOM. I didn’t hit it wrong but I’m pretty good in the sand and the 45c tire up front with the 25mm ID rim was perfect. I stopped to take a shot of the SLOW DOWN sign, and then a guy rolled up asked if I was okay and then took a picture of me with the sign. My mental caption was HOW CAN I SLOW DOWN IF I’M ALREADY GOING THIS SLOW!

I got to mile 180, looked at the cue sheet, and my brain got excited. 180. Shit, that’s awesome, 20 miles to go! Wait that’s not right 180-210...hmm yeah no that’s right 20 miles! HOLY SHIT I HAVE JUST OVER AN HOUR BEFORE SUNSET I CAN MAKE IT TO THE FINISH IF I CRUSH IT!

And

I

CRUSHED IT

I dug deep, and found lots there. I was flying past people. Picking them off one by one. just motoring. Having a fucking blast. Being absolutely ecstatic that I had this much in the tank to do a 20 mile ‘sprint’ after 180 miles of dirt and gravel and sand.

And then I got to mile 197… and realized… wait…  I still have 13 miles to go, sunset is like fucking right now.

Fuck.

I stopped and took a picture of the sunset colors backlighting a barn and I lost motivation and focus and while I didn’t slow down that much, I certainly slowed down. Taking a photo took time out, then I had to piss. It was getting dark. I stopped, two guys I had passed a few miles back caught me mid-nature break. It was not terribly dark, and then the guy who took the photo of me at the slow down spot caught up to me. Oof. That sucked. but it was good, we chatted, I told him my bad mental calculation and we headed in together. A couple more passed and I came in the tail end of a group of 8, all that I had passed but then when I knew there was no chance of catching the lake at sunset… well… yeah. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have it in me, it was more that it wasn’t worth it. Also I tried to get my light to a lower steady level, i had put in on the low flash level. It would have lasted 30 min at high and that might not have been enough, but maybe but didn’t want to risk it but I couldn’t get it to stop at the right spot. cycled through it 3 times. and gave up. flashing. so riding with others and mooching some of their light was nice. Didn’t have to dig out the backup light and try and mount that.

There was one last hill. Of course. But after that hill we rolled down into Luddington, and across the line. I let him roll ahead and eased in across the timing mat at 10:20pm.

There was just a tiny bit of color over the lake so I walked down the sand with the bike, put the wheels in the lake and took a photo with it…  went to get the chocolate milk and the pulled pork and coleslaw they had for finishers, stuffed that down, couldn’t eat the bun, the roof of my mouth was shredded, it hurt to chew and swallow. Maybe 14hrs and 45 min of breathing dust messed it up. I dunno, but i wound up just eating the meat. Went back and used a damp paper towel to remove this mass of brown dust and white sunscreen. It took a dozen or so just on my arms and legs before they weren’t filthy. Put clean socks on, pants and a shirt, my jacket…  and then I noticed some really painful discomfort on the back of my left ankle. reached down to find my pant leg tucked into the sock. Odd that it hurt that much but whatever. untucked it, but it eventually hurt again.

As I mentioned earlier, yeah it was sunburnt. If I hadn’t had as much blue lizard on me it would  have been a really painful day.

We drove back to Jeff’s place after they finished (an hour after I did). Tony made it. Jeff and Tony had a great time. He found some extra energy and revived a bit. Got back to Jeff and Nancy’s at 2am. Took a shower, and went to bed, If I had stayed up another 75 min I would have been awake for 24 hrs.

Woke up, tried to sleep in but didn’t really.  Had coffee, chatted and then headed out.

I thought maybe about riding Sunday afternoon, but when I started this - i couldn’t keep my eyes open so I took a nap instead.

Went for the ride today. AND I FELT WONDERFUL on the bike. My back that has been bothering me? TOTALLY FINE. Seriously amazing. Haven’t felt this painfree in a very long time.

Kind of can’t wait to do this again.

What would I do differently? Sag/CheckPoint primarily. #1 Make all the sandwiches/food ahead of time or have someone prep them before I get there. #2 have all the bottles premixed and in a cooler ready to grab and swap, with two extra per stop to drink there. #3 be a bit better organized with the charging set up. Maybe add one more bag for stuff, or go with one of those full length top tube bags. Maybe even go with a hydration pack for that 3rd leg. I had the legs to post a much better time, probably easily before sunset. But between not knowing what to expect and leaving CP2 under-prepareed, and this being the first time I’ve ridden this far, and done a gravel race this long, well - I’m suuuuuuuper stoked about how it went.

I’m super grateful for Nancy and Jeff supporting me. They let me sleep on the floor in their hotel room, wouldn’t take money for it. I was an extra body and bike and stuff but I tried to be as unobtrusive as possible.

I had fun. type 2 and type 1.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I’ll think of more to say later and do a separate thank you post. Because this has just gone on wayyyyy to long. Almost as long as the ride itself. I’m sure I’ve left out a bunch of details. But maybe those are things that are best told in person, on a ride.

Lets go for a ride, Eh?

heddwch

G

Free solo interlude

Just got done watching free solo.

Lots to think about, and I was able to get up from the couch, so a bonus.

Trying to write these immediate impressions with the phone and swipe not so easy.

Words don't for quite the same. I lose my train of thought more like can't keep up. That but where they are talking about happy and cozy vs whatever it was, dammit brain remember, anyway if you've seen the movie (I might have been the last) maybe you remember. Live life with a determined propose, that sounds like it. Make something of it all.

Got me thinking. Just before trying to sleep. Really bad move GeWilli. Sleep has been elusive enough. At least I had no cramps over night or at all other than the phantom beginnings on the ride when I ran out of water.

I started typing up the ride report, going to leave it for tonight, post this, read a book, and try to sleep. Coffee today has been extremely low level and a long time ago. Perhaps this trip is enough to kick start the taper.

Well maybe I'll just close everything up and turn the lights off and listen to the frogs and the distant him off the highway and think until I fall asleep.

Heddwch
G

less than 12 hours to go

Less than 12 hours from now i'll be lining up at the start by this lighthouse

The lake is so high that all the docks are under water at the marina and the land is barely inches above the water surface. And actually the road we are going to be starting on is under water, the surface is mud, so messy that the road is closed to traffic. Going to be starting in a mud pit and yeah - the bike doesn't have great mud tires or clearance. And we're starting with 500 other people. 

time to be a bit more social...  no more clacking/typing... maybe i'll have more time later... Haven't had coffee since 10:30 or so. Maybe I'll actually sleep? Air mattress shouldn't be the worst. 

Gonna be interesting. Not sure what to expect, slightly anxious but not about the pedaling. Should be fun though. It's good hanging out, would be cool to have a good night sleep. Going to be a really early start. 

time to not do this for now...

heddwch

G

the drive and thoughts

Sureal is the best way to say it.

Most of the drive was listening to The Power. Odd in a way, not sure I totally agree with the whole power is the only thing changing things but perhaps there’s more to it.

Life is strange - driving back here is stranger. The highways once I got north of Toledo became oddly familiar but only in glimpses.

The concrete road surfaces.

I’m tired - it is almost midnight.

window open, rain is falling, am going to try and sleep.

writing to summon the Zzzs perhaps…  

more later perhaps

(later)

Eventually fell asleep, woke up at 6:15 to the sound of trains and highway, and rain, fell back asleep until 8:15 when i could feel the coffee headache brewing - been drinking coffee since - it is now 11:30 - showered and loaded with enough coffee to neurologically disable most normal humans (we’ll see how that pans out) heading out to get lunch here in a few, maybe tour around the old hood and stuff. See the old bike shop in the new spot.

It rained all night - still raining, might taper tonight enough to get in a spin out the legs ride before it gets dark. gonna just roll with it. Need to sort out the stuff into check point bags. Still debating the coffee solution. Perhaps maybe just make enough coffee. Tomorrow. Really just need 4 bottles worth of it. Maybe make it tonight and ice it and keep it cold. One bottle per check point. But then maybe I don’t need one at that 3rd check point, the last 50 are going to be late - coffee shouldn’t be needed but then we’ve gotta drive back at the end of the race, although if I plan for two bottles at/before the start - one to drink immediately after waking up the other to drink while making the way there and then the 3rd AM bottle on the cage. That should be a kick start enough to only need to replace the bottles through the day.

of course i’m worring about something stupid like coffee timing and amounts and how…

Guess that’s a good sign? Making sandwiches, now that’s another thing to overthink. Kind of thinking that loading the bread up with mustard and mayo will make it soggy but that’s not always the worst but then putting a layer on the turkey slices with the cheese against the bread.

time to head out for lunch - no more writing about food - time to go eat some.

Count down

to the road trip and departure...


am I ready? nope, not yet.

am I still tired? Yup. Have not been able to fall asleep last couple nights, despite cutting back on coffee and stopping drinking it earlier. weird and annoying...

but even with the touch of insomnia i'm feeling a bit less exhausted. I did totally say f'it last night - sat down on the couch and watched a couple episodes of Chopped instead of doing anything productive... needed a mental and physical break. TV worked for that.

I've got books loaded up on the tablet - audio ones - that should free up phone for navigation and comms and stuff. And battery lasts forever on the big device.

i've got 8800 mAh of back up power spread over 3 batteries. Just gotta keep that Garmin going. Should be good I think. Phone I'll run in super low power mode. Basically use it as a camera/video camera unless needed. I dunno - shits kind of either ready to go or not.

I have to switch wheels - still has the road wheels on there, but will wait to do that till thursday or friday. Gotta remember to pack those tools tho...

it is an adventure, right? should be fun...  got some great books lined up to listen to, and one old book I haven't managed to get past the first chapter, Neuromancer. I hated the lead up in the peripheral but I made it through it and was good by the end so figure maybe that's the only way I can get through a gibson book, not read it.

got food sorted maybe - at least part of it. going with smoked turkey and cheddar on some soft seven grain bread. No egg but a touch of mustard and some mayo. will make em probably friday but the meat and cheese is in the freezer right now. Why? I want food I'm used to eating made from stuff of known quantity without having to stress over sourcing stuff to the level i'm comfortable eating - and more importantly what will perturb my fueling the least.

I did kind of day dream about McD's cheeseburgers as ride fuel. They aren't totally real food, but they are pretty damn easy to eat in a few bites...  but the turkey and cheese should be way better. Maybe pick up some swedish fish or something as a sugar snack or who knows what else. Going to try and avoid soda/coke and gels and that stuff. Hoping to get one of the big to go coffee things on Thursday or Friday, charbucks or wherever.

And fucking just ride...  gonna be an adventure... if i forget something it will be just another added element of the adventure...

Right now that same feeling of Amor Fati that took over the start of last week and made it all good is coming back, esp when I think about what i'm not remembering, i'll embrace what happens and enjoy the process and the experience.

so yeah... i gotta get out of here - I have a LOT to do before leaving tomorrow early.

heddwch
G

New frame day

Well first ride today. But new frame is the same as the old frame but this time a much louder color and much quieter. No creaking.

Finally.

Had moments of failing today already, taking a leak after getting to the office with this feeling of total dread, i really don't want to give the microscope training this afternoon. Not at all. I'm tired. But not the tired coffee fixes. But I need more coffee - the attempt to slow down the amount has worked but now i'm tired and lethargic.

I need a break.

But I need a break not just to go sit in the car for 30 hours and ride my bike for 210 miles in one stretch.

A legit break. Like yeah I don't have to wake up and drink coffee until I'm awake then move on to the next task and repeat with full attention and care until it is time to sleep. And then get up and do it again. Hell working in the shop just means I can wake up a little bit later but then feel guilty about not getting the morning stuff done and showing up later than planned.

And now i'm out of time to write.

So go read this. https://shoogslarrison.wordpress.com/2019/06/14/for-pop/
I'm still drying my eyes. My dad's in full time assisted care now. At least while his arm is healing (it is but really slowly), the disease basically has him chair or bed bound. PT is helping but they can't release him until he can do everything on his own. He couldn't before the fall and the break.

maybe i'll make the training extra short today... unlikely - i don't have it in me not to do my best...

heddwch
G

that was fast

So from discovering/confirming a broken frame on Monday to ready to race/ride on Thursday.

Bike is ready for Michigan. I chatted with JS out there and things are dialed/lined up/ready to go there.

Now I just need to get in the car next week and drive to Michigan.

And figure out what I'm taking, what I'm wearing, what I'm going to eat/drink/whatever.

Gotta figure out lights although current idea is maybe just try and pack/get a few more spare battery backups, not just for the Garmin and my Phone but maybe one for the light too. But from the sounds of it, it doesn't need to work for too long and I'll be riding with a few folks that have good ones and hell maybe won't even need to turn it on. But better to be prepared. So maybe I'll try and borrow someone's just in case.

Kind of a double edge sword yesterday, but actually all good I guess. The newest scope broke. A pain, extra coordination and all that, but it also is down until Monday. Instead of giving back to back 6+ hours of trainings on it today I was able to stop into the shop early and put the bike together. It is POURING RAIN so I left it there. Might go home and come back with the car and pick it up, and size up the youngest for a bike to get back and forth from her stuff this summer. YAY MORE BIKES (where the hell am I going to put it - oops)

There have been a good number of normal triggers that send me off in the deep end this week, but managing to keep that cloud of depression away - or if not depression the sadness and grumpiness and all that - whatever it is the mad not happy me. Gotta figure out the cutting back on coffee thing. Maybe tomorrow. brain had a good meander without typing there between the 'happy me.' and 'Gotta' Not gonna try and recap where it went.

Maybe I should take some of this time between helping people with their questions (it is cool and kind of frustrating how excited people are to find me in my office and able to help them - because I'm not here very much). and get on the SEM and see if I can make the correlative stuff happen.

After I grab a coffee...

heddwch
G

yesterday's songs also didn't hurt

and then the closing line to that film from the other post:

Change of plans

I was going to sit down and write - but I read Steve's post: https://allhailtheblackmarket.com/2019/06/until-we-meet-again-2/

(twitter link - tab was still open)

and started watching this:

Tall Bikes Will Save The World from Red Bull on Vimeo.

And it is good.

This morning I had the house to myself. Everyone slept. I drank coffee listening to the rain on the roof. No school, no work, in-laws sleeping in. Just me. Just me and my coffee.

Riding in I was kind of filled with a massive sense of gratitude. Yesterday perhaps was transformative in a way. Absolute frustration, overwhelming emotions, kept in check, mutated and placated.

After a birthday dinner Gramps pulled out his phone, and started playing voicemails he's saved, some as early as 2003. That one in particular, the voice of our 2 year old, talking about the trip to the great TDI GTG in Toronto. Or London or where-ever it was. What struck me was people chipped in and covered part of my family's hotel room. And that catalog of pure unexpected gifts kind of kept rattling through my head. In the shower, and on the ride in, in those rain showers. I focused on these unexpected gifts, like the one in the mail yesterday, or the one that will be coming in the future via belgium, italy, belgium, colorado and finally providence. I've really been blessed.

I've been challenged, I've rarely taken the easy way out, but I'm not perfect, i'd love to say i have no regrets, I do, both in inaction and actions, words said and unsaid. This next week is going to be insane, overwhelming, a chaotic ball of shit to untangle, esp now that I'm adding building a new bike to the mix before traveling to a race. That's also part of it, MDP at the shop called in to the inside rep and got the warranty claim started and processed in one phone call. Small tokens. But deeply appreciated.

I'm not maybe very good at many things, and one is being able to express my gratitude to those who've helped me along this journey.

This path I'm on is pretty much solo. I did my first year sober solo, no support groups, no direct challenge to anything or anyone, no mandated from anyone else. Intrinsic, solo. But never alone.

The handful, four or five who read this - thank you for the emails, the texts, the support and the friendship.

Thank you to those over the year who've kept me going. Going at things solo is a tough way to do it, but I have to remember, I'm never alone. I don't have friends that I've been inseparable with since I was a kid or from any point forward...  but I do keep meeting new friends, drifting a bit apart, maybe out of contact but in the few cases, once back in touch or in person the friendship picks up where it left off.

Perhaps thinking about going back to Michigan where I spent what seemed like an eternity, but really less time there than here in New England, I've been wondering what it will be like to see friends there again.

Life is one hell of a strange journey.  I did pause the film mid-way to write this. But hey at least my cycling kit is mostly dry now - although my feet are still soaking wet. I should be working some scheduling magic, but writing this pile of nonsense trying to express a ball of emotions and how it went from destructive rage into a Zen Buddha like warmth in 24 hrs felt more important.

perhaps it is reflecting on Mark's death. and his life and spirit that worked here too. I've been thinking about him quite a bit too.

heddwch
G

Amor Fati

being tested today i guess...

this week - this time of year...

the bottom bracket noise i've been chasing...

I don't think it is the bottom bracket, or the crank, or anything else. I stripped the frame down at work (anything that bolted on to the frame other than the headset and crank). W/O touching the crank, I could get it to creak.

Found the likely spot of a crack. Put a tiny drop of heavy oil along it and went and did a scope training. came back...  quite a bit quieter.

Now if that was just a paint chip it wouldn't be an issue, and it explains why the noise went away/got quieter in the rain (water acting as a lube between the squeaking metal faces).

And yeah as much of my secret BB compound that is on all the surfaces? There's not a spot of metal on metal to make this kind of squeak.  And that it gets quiet under load means something too.

packing up early today - gonna go see what can be done about it w/o having to use the entry insurance i purchased.

heddwch
G

EDIT:::

I really want to go hulk smash and through shit around and scream and destroy stuff 

GODZILLA SMASH

trying not to - but that fist of anger and frustration is not diffusing very well

musing some more

Was thinking about what Steve said (as promised the link: https://www.instagram.com/p/BydYX65HylU/?igshid=1wsae2fsq9u17 )

And I was thinking about that idea of hoping those you leave behind would move on and be okay...

and thinking about the friends and friends of friends i've lost who've picked that way to go...

picked that way because their pain was too much to live with, or life was so desperately frustrating or sad that there was only one option for them...

yes, I think about this quite a lot...  obvious reasons why, many echoed in Steve's eloquent words...

when one picks that route, they end their own pain, but I think in some cosmic karmic way the pain is just transfered, multiplied, amplified into those that care about them, leaving those who were hopelessly helpless to change their choice, to carry that burden around for the rest of their lives...

no i'm not trying to diminish the power of depression...  or to use this as a way to guilt people into hanging around, no, we make our own lives right? When we're at that fork in the road, it is our choice to pick the path...

but the notion of the transfer of the pain, esp in the particular case of suicide, to be somewhat worth getting out of my head...

be well, be kind, being selfish is what all the self help people say, but being selfless is better for the humans, because we're not solitary creatures, we impact others, directly and indirectly...

and yes - no one is looking out for you - well other than me - so you still have to find the balance that I seem unable to...

yes... all the dots... a visible punctuation that helps imply the trailing off of spoken phrase, the quite mumbling of the last few words... sure i use it too much... but my tool box is a mess, i use what i can get my hands on in an attempt to get it done.

heddwch
G

One year ago today

This guy took his life.

I woke up to the news with my last hangover.

The thought process was complicated, but it really was the fact that I could see this as my path if I kept up with the drinking. Other reasons but it was a sign. It made it all clear. It was the fork in the road.

Steve posted some very eloquent words on his IG. I'll link later.

How did I make it to far? Up to last year that is. This past year was easy compared to any other year since.. well fuck, that's depressing.

Some how I did.

The stupid shit is burned into my memories. Can I go back? Nope.

Here I am. Physically more stable and less injured than I can remember. Unfortunately being old means it takes a bit longer to recovery from really intense efforts. But the not drinking has been amazing.

I don't miss it. It didn't really do anything to help, or to escape, it did do some stuff but even though I don't miss it, I know I can't go back. More importantly, I can't.

Bourdain was never the obsession or person of significance, I never watched his shows, I needed read his books, but I was aware of him, who he was, and understood what he was.

And his passing added to the resolve that morning. Hung over, drinking coffee, wondering how after 2 months off of booze I had roared back drinking even more than I was when I stopped then. And I stopped then because of how much. And. No. One. Knew. Ok maybe my brothers.

It is strange, makes me not only socially awkward but also socially estranged.

But that's ok, I'm ok being even more alone. I may not like it, but it is me. Alone.

But here, and doing my best for those around me.

Heddwch
G

it is mechanical

the failure of my phone that is - it is just pressure on the fingerprint thing. So I played around - and fucking taped a stupid high grade japanese stainless steel nut from the SEM on there and MAGIC phone works again...

for now...

Smackdown was last night - surprisingly not terrible on the 38t Crockett. A lot of time spent in the 11tooth rear cog but it wasn't terrible. Realized that the seat is low, too low. Fixed it this morning and felt high but only at the beginning of the ride in. Downside - i rode in pants. It is way too hot to be riding in pants. But I had to go to the remote place first and well - street clothes and well. It isn't going to be fun riding home.

The ride up from down the hill sucked too - maybe I should have ridden the crossrip+ with the assist. My legs are tired.

Slept but not great. headache, tired.

Working with someone and they sort of pried more out of me than intended. Didn't feel good to delve into that dark hole but I became a bit more complex in their eyes. Nothing terrible but oh well. Kind of unsettled the afternoon.

The fiasco with the new scope may be behind us, but man is it still as big of a headache as the one I still have.

I suppose I should write about smackdown separately. That way the title and opening line are clearly about bikes and not the boring stuff everyone skims over. Michigan is coming up way too soon and I STILL haven't planned anything out. Phone? coordinate? Me? fuck...  yeah I'll get there - i suppose I should call now but i'm getting interrupted and I can't put words together out of my mouth that make sense.

Not having to say the words is easier - i can think them, edit them, re-arrange them after they come out of my fingers. or just leave them and it makes no sense.

Like normally.

Funny moment last night - one of the many folks on the ride had one of them brand new super sleek Madones. The ones that are aero as fuck. Yeah? deep section wheels. And here I am on my new Trek, aluminum, cross bike with shitty heavy low profile TLR wheels and a 38t ring. And for the most part i was not slower. Now the fast kids on the not so fast bikes were still kicking my ass. And I should get into it a bit more on the separate entry for it but Justin C said it well: "The ride was a lot more fun when we were all not quite as fast." It is true. There was never really any SUPER fast people on the ride, and most everyone was about the same suck level and that makes it more fun.

Anyway - I'd better wrap this up and get back to dealing with everything...

we'll see if the phone fix survives the pedaling back to the remote location and then the bike shop and then home...

heddwch
G

Oh Monday

Here we are - monday.

Odd weekend. Lots of working at the shop, staying just ahead of the sold bikes. Tweeting doubts about training and prep for the 210 mile gravel race and getting unexpected support from Matt Roy one of the best most experienced long mileage riders. That was awesome. Absolutely turned my headspace around.

That day I went to Road Tubeless. My finger is still sprained from the effort. I really am not looking forward to the next flat with these tires but hey - I'll deal with it then. Took a lot of work and bead jack to get them mounted. But they snapped in place and seated w/less than 20 psi and no sealant.

I have to say I am very impressed with the Bontrager TLR system. Shit just fucking works.

But that alloy cassette body on the Aeolus Pro 3V wheels? ugh, after less than a month the cassette was jammed into the splines.

The 28s are not the most supple of 28s but they work and have held air really well. And are a lot faster than the 45s that were there. Hoping to bump the mileage and saddle time with this bike going into the end of June, might test the limits of a 38t ring on Smackdown. Can I survive? maybe. We'll see.

Quiet Desperation def rings true

I've been reading more of the old blog links from the bookmarks. The old open all in a folder. Lots of dead links. I suppose I should edit them down again, re-sort once more.

It is good though, may need to try and find a bit more new content. My phone being kind of useless is good, but not good. I def need it, and use it. I can still use it but that's not quite the same.

I should probably add this page to the reading list - also a good reminder about sleep:
https://www.tobedetermined.cc/journal/2019/4/the-daily-grind-the-importance-of-sleep

not too bad right now - slightly caught up, it seem sitting and watching TV is more restful than doing stuff. And I watched some TV this weekend. Def need to keep working on clawing back to the more rested side of things and not so coffee dependent.

Had a good but strained text exchange with someone that I haven't talked to in a while, made me think maybe a clean break from the past is good. Maybe burning the bridge and building a damn down stream and flooding the valley is the best way to keep it in the past.

Maybe.

Time to suck down some food before sorting out the new microscope, and man this finger is hurting typing. Stupid tubeless tires.

heddwch
G

another day

loaded up with stuff-

odd sleep, better but still some really messed up dreams, mentally flat. Frank Turner's song came on that def made me feel lost for a long while yesterday.

some how have to carve time out to make a disposal run for stuff I haven't gotten to yet but suddenly now no choice., but when?

going to make an attempt to ride the Crossrip and hope the brake doesn't stick before stopping at the bike shop on the way home to fix that issue. Still tossing the debate about tires around in my head for the other wheels. Thinking maybe not tubeless, maybe some 28s. nice and skinny. No tubeless because of all the damn shells and tire cuts and what my tires look like at the end of life - might as well get the full use out of them without coating the bike in sealant. Save tubeless for CX and the larger tires.

The rooster ronde tickets are here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ronde-red-rooster-2019-tickets-62543078030

Gonna be a good ride. A lot going on that weekend. And it is the weekend right after the Coast to Coast.

In-laws are coming back, same time as last year - not the same stress level but not relaxing at all, lots to do...  I'm really starting to hate this time of year. The last four years or so has been the end of class let down, void thing, and then a whole bunch of out of control stuff and the transition to summer schedules and on and on.

Phone backlight issue is also nagging on me but helping a bit. Tough because it is functional but on the otherside kind of reminds me how not critical it is. It is a camera mostly but also a quick way to check status and respond to problems with the microscopes. Down side of not having a fruit phone is no centrally obvious place to take it with hardware problems.

Maybe i'll figure it out before the road trip. if not, whatever. flaky pocket computer isn't the end of the world.

Too much to do this morning but feeling like one of those days to make more coffee and just sit and hang out with the dogs.

Probably shouldn't listen to more than the first few bars of that song this morning or it won't be good. Hard to find music that is positive and fun. But there is some, that Girltalk All Day mix. first heard it back years ago riding to Eco-cross with Singmaster, I burned it on to a CD and used it in rotation with the mixes JPow used to share...

maybe need to hit play on that while i'm packing lunch to jumpstart the get a move on it today... 

still looking for that muse, bike mojo is kind of re-appearing though so that's kind of good...  and sure i can find plenty of good shit going on...  but there's enough gnawing at the edges, the gaping void is off the to the sides - look where you want to go style of bike riding applies, but sometimes there isn't a clean line and it is hard to focus and be active instead of just reactive...

lets see if the the All Day track works this morning..

heddwch
G

May's Hundo is in the books

It was a good hard one. Set out to do a full double RRRR loop. Got on the bike at 7:30am. Finished quite a while later.

Warm, windy, sunny, and single track.

Not a ton of single track but there was more than enough to add onto a Hundo. The RRRR loop is 55 miles or so, riding there and home is a 65 mile day so I needed to add another pile on there to make it work. A double seemed great.

We left Johnny's place (the official start - there's an eventbright link for tickets somewhere - on facebook probably - i'll post it sometime maybe here or you can go find it buy a ticket and support 1PVD even if you're not going) at 8. Waited for Syl (he's usually always late) and really started rolling at 8:15 or so. Donny and Elijah joined us. 2 Prov Velo 2 1PVD. Good group.

The single track isn't hard, you can screw it up and walk sections, dab, it isn't super easy, some good technical features, you've gotta get off and run some stairs/sand/logs in some places, most should be able to ride it all there are plenty of good deep power sections but they are all connected by gorgeous roads and paths and waterviews and the like. Two laps would be ambitious.

It is pretty much the same route we did on May 16th, smoothed out a few wrinkles.

Saw the Riverside Memorial day parade, the Barrington one and the Bristol/Warren one. Yeah, this ride is a 4 town ride. 5 if you count Riverside and East Providence as two even though they are incorporated as one.

I had dosed up with Blue Lizard, it worked pretty damn well. A tiny bit of sun in a few places that it got rubbed off (hem line on jersey and shorts) but two days later there is no residual sunburn, and that is pretty unique for a fair skinned person that burns super easy.  I drank a bit more water than usual, but that i suppose is to be expected with that much sun and temps in the mid 80s.

Single track is slow. Esp the stuff around here, super twisty and tight, not fast and flowy and that means slow.

We did see Steve S down at RISD beach (the actual beach not the grass on Benefit). Stopped at Syl's co-worker's house for water.

And yeah it was Memorial day, the second busiest day on the Bike Path. And yes, it was really crowded, but it wasn't bad. We were the fastest out there that we saw, but slowed down and passed respectfully and were patient when needed to be.

Tried to stop for donuts at Proud Mary's but they had just closed. Made it back to Johnny's place just before 1pm. They dropped me hard going into the wind on the final section there on the bike path. I could have dug down and bridged the gap at first but matches, i needed to save what I had for the next loop.

Had a stashed red-bull there at the start, and headed out. Skipped the first section as I started the loop again but tried to make it work the rest of it. Took a wrong turn in the Y woods (not following GPS) and wound up cutting it in 1/2. The beach had been really crowded at that point. No riding all the way to the water's edge. It was not wall to wall people in chairs with umbrellas  bit it was close.

Got to warren and I didn't take the alternate, I stayed on the path, I probably should have, but was tired - stuck with the path. I did head out to haff's rock there. Ate my second sandwich. Oh I did stop at the house, made another coffee, ate part of an toasted day-old donut and filled up the waterbottles.

Ate the second sandwich at the sample place at huff's rock look out at Fall River.

I skipped heading to the base of Mount Hope bridge, and then skipped colt state park. That meant I was mile or so short. I went back to the short section of single track behind the golf course. Let me tell you 98 miles later my reaction time wasn't quite the same as before. I flubbed one turn in there and almost hugged a tree a couple times. Good thing the Coast to Coast is double track and dirt roads and not windy crazy single track for 210 miles.

Eventually got home with 100.18 miles  on the garmin and was exhausted. 7 hours and 44 minutes of pedaling. Could I have kept going? Probably, more food, more water. Both bottles were empty at home. 6 total I think, plus a red bull (sugar-free). Started the day a bit less hydrated than optimal but not too bad. Had a bowl of muesli for breakfast, made two sandwiches to eat during the day (each with toasted bread 2 fried eggs, cheese, ham). Add the bit of doughnut and that's it calorie wise. Tried to hydrate a bit but have been behind the curve since. Woke up today and the eye did it's scar thing. The eye issue, having that daily and never healing was a huge part of the not drinking, waking up everyday with knives in your eyes not being able to focus for a while and sometimes not all day was bad, no drinking gave them a chance to heal and now back to just minor issue (already feeling better an hour after waking up) on very rare days. Dinner was on the slightly salty (but delicious) side and I didn't drink enough water last night. Also slept like absolute shit. Could have been slightly dehydrated contributing to it, but on the plus side I didn't have to get up and pee in the middle of the night.

Riding 100 miles on 45c tires at 30 PSI probably isn't the most efficient. I do have one hot foot issue with the right shoe still. Gotta work that out in the next few weeks.

The work calendar has exploded into fullness already, good thing I was able to take Monday to get the Hundo in because the end of the month is here and we're moving on to the next month soon.

But that's done. The Hundo a month leading up to the June Coast to Coast race challenge is complete. 5 hundos. Each different. Didn't get to do the RdR. No smackdown last night (rainy weather and I was tired) but pretty decent.

I've been riding the Crockett pretty much exclusively now. Tried to ride the e-bike on Sunday for shopping, front brake locked up. Need to bleed it with the warm weather and those new pads I guess. Not sure wearing the crockett tires down is the best idea, but it certainly will help make sure the contact points are good leading into double gravel century on this bike.

I should probably stick some slicks on the other wheels for commuting and save the carbon and knobbies for dirt smackdowns and the Coast to Coast.  Don't have any tires good enough to stick on there. Def nothing tubeless but man tubeless road? I guess, why not.

okay - more coffee, packing lunch and heading in on the crockett... got shit to do

heddwch
G

wings eh?

So, yeah I'm a coffee guy. I drink way toooooooo much as it is.

But it is just coffee. No sugar, no soda, no nothing. 

I have a bad reaction to sugar alcohols (xylitol, sortbitol, stevia that shit) can't stand it esp in sports drinks.

point? well the women driving the little red bull mini dropped of a couple cases of the sugar free Red Bull.

I stopped in to build a few bikes on Wed, was dragging. I haven't had a red bull since I had a blue one, turns out a blue one plus alcohol is like giving me a roofie, I kind of black out and have strange out of body weirdness. Before the blue stuff I'd had a handful of the regular sugared ones before CX races now and then. Never seemed to do much. But I always thought they tasted ok, a bit fake but no objectionable but distinctive enough to imprint. Lots of money making that chemical cocktail.

So a couple cases of sugar free - i grab a can and look at the ingredients...  sweetened with aspartame. It breaks down into a couple amino acids and some methanol. Methanol is bad but also easily managed by the body in those quantities (it is in normal foods at similar levels at times). Hmm...

Well I crack one open. Not expecting much. But I was tired, hungry, had a pile of coffee and wound up with the most productive after work build session and I felt mentally good. Like that shit actually gave me wings. And I liked it.

I grabbed a couple. Had a few at the end of the day yesterday, same thing. DAMN, I LIKE THIS. Then the back of my mind, that over thinking self aware, hyper critical analysis kicked in. Oh. Shit. I recognise this pathway. Fuck.

Stopped at the shop again on the way home. Had a couple, not the same level as the first day but i can feel the habit side of my brain kicking into overdrive. I can see the "I NEED SOME" feedback loop developing. And then of course there is the extra caffeine. Sleep has been a bit disrupted.

But it feels good man!

Chemicals, fucking chemicals.

At least it isn't an endless supply at the shop, i'm too cheap to go out and buy it, but the bottom line is coffee doesn't do much beyond keep the headaches away.

Maybe that's the summer project. Taper back, work on not relying so much on so much coffee to be functional. At the same time it requires sleeping to catch up. A catch-22 that takes quite a bit more time and flexibility than I have.

And hey Tim Johnson and Ellen Noble are RedBull athletes...  support them, or something right? Can't be all bad. Can it? Yes yes it can. No wonder my brother digs all those sugar free monstery like energy drinks. They work when your system is tapped out by everything else.

I'm still not going for the blue ones... or buying them... 

Have been on the Crockett exclusively though, other than smackdown. Unfortunately I think I may need new tires before the C2C in michigan...  getting some sidewall checking on the Riddler up front and the accompanying sealant leakage through it.

Should it be fine? Maybe but I don't want to be scrambling at the last minute looking for decent fat tires that will deal with the sand out there. Just one more thing to add to the list.

Finished Tiamat's Wrath. Good fucking book. Such good storytelling. At least to me. I enjoy reading it. The endings always feel rushed, so much development building up to the rapid fire happenings. And still no good clean ending to the series of course.

Jumping into the second book "A bad deal for the whole galaxy" in the Salvagers series. Good story and fun reading. Not super cerebral but entertaining and a cool universe with good visuals.

Reading Tiamat's after having watched the Expanse series I still didn't quite put everyone's face from the cast in the book but pretty close. Bobbie for certain but then maybe I have a bit of a fan crush on Frankie Adams. And while a spoiler (skip to the end of the paragraph if you want) goddamn Amos being immortal now is cool, he practically was before. The set up could have been better but it was still kind of relaxing reading about his skull getting blown half off and the rest of the injuries knowing he'd survive.

Okay this weekend is going to be crazy, going to try and get in the hundo on Monday. Big reservation with the plan is the high use on some of the planned routes, but well that's probably not going to be too bad but will be different than a mid-week recon.

Time to get working on wrapping the house up. Then read till enough of the redbull and coffee wears off so I can pass out.

heddwch
G

smackdown - quick cliff note version

9 Riders at the start...

i was up really early today, insane amount of frustration and stress dealing with microscope issues, texts every day from the shop saying there's more shit that needs to be built no rest, no RdR..

I ate well - got that down at least, hydrated well, shaved my legs but check the Heart Rate data on the ride over on strava tonight.

It tells the story. I lead off with Dreamy Dave coming down Waterfront drive and then I never saw the wind again. I got popped just trying to stay on wheels. Last week I could stay on the wheels. This week. No. Fucking. Way.

Mechanically I felt good riding back. But pushing it wasn't possible. Too much coffee masking massing fatigue load and working every day w/o rest is not the way to get back out of that hole.

Add to it all the stress of now getting the van ready for a road trip (that I'm not going to be on). Insanely complicated Thursday coming up.

I was able to identify the emotion today - sad. But maybe that's just me being tired.

How bad did I get dropped?

Well they waited at Hillside for me. Then Syl turned around and rode back looking for me. He didn't see me.
Just looked at the fly-by - he turned around JUST before I got there.

Funny. But sad they waited for nothing. Oh well.

Looking at the segment time - def on par with one of my slowest rides.

Best be riding home now though.

it is late. I'm tired...  and the wind probably has shifted from being a tailwind pushing me home into a headwind at this point.

heddwch
G

Bicycle pedaling and stuff

So I actually made it out to smackdown on Tuesday, Cold, windy, not wet though. Sat on wheels, got dropped a little, rode hard, got some really good efforts. Felt it. Times were not bad, not great but then I realized I am probably 10-15# heavier than I was when I was setting those old times. I am currently about 20# over my 2013 weight (fastest point)...

There's not really the flow of words to describe the smackdown like in the past, Burke, Jason, Leland and big Paul Davis were there. Small group. upper 40s for temps.

I pedaled. It hurt pretty good, dug deep, got the legs moving. That was enough.

Thursday did the RI Red Rooster Ronde Recon Ride...  photos over on IG, route on Strava. Date for the ride is June 29th. Start and end at Johnny's place, 11 Baker Street EP 02914.

Longer than last year, still good single track, more bike path and roads and more scenic shit and stuff. Fun as hell loop.

But a long day in the saddle. It was the first bike ride other than to work on the new carbon wheels on the Crockett. I got the Aoleus pro 3V wheels with the EP purchase. Not free, still a painful and agonizing price to spend on anything but they are really really nice.

That big fat front 45c tire is sooooooo much more stable and easier to control now.

Ronde Rosey is tomorrow. I can't go. I'm trying not to be bummed about it but i'm honestly pretty gutted not to be able to be there for the 10th, and rumor has it final.

I also need to get a hundo in.

It is a beautiful day today, probably could have convinced someone to go long with me today, but no, I have to head to work, then pick up kid after practice then go back to work, maybe do some shopping after work then make dinner and do it all again tomorrow.

And then go back in and deal with really frustrating shit at other work, i mean it is a challenge but in some ways this is not as much fun and challenges that aren't fun or are a bit unnecessary are frustrating.

Also I'm just in a funk. Too fucking much to do, not sure when to get it done. Like the whole Hundo. Maybe I should just go back and do the RRRR route 2x. Start early and just do it w/o thinking too much. Follow the GPX track, The only place I get confused in is the Barrington Y trails. Trying to follow the line on the garmin might be a good thing. And hey if I do it 2x in one day I'll be fine with jumping around at each one and skipping some of the stuff here and there. Or just riding tailgun helping people skip sections to catch up.

Or not. Maybe I should just ride for me and give everyone else the .!.. ..!. but yeah, probably won't do that.

Oh well - i'm here way later than planned, but yeah - i'm tired, mentally and physically, with no rest in sight. Kind of funny, yesterday was bike to work day, last year I had a really shitty day and cracked into the bottle of Titos in my fridge at work and broke a couple month dry spell and started a really bad binge that ended a month later with total sobriety. Today was pretty close to equally shitty, but not quite and I managed to avoid the free beer on the way home and just deal with it all.

Shrug, such is life. poking on through to less than a month away from 1 year sober. Scary thought is that it is likely 11th grade when I last had a whole year without alcohol. That's kind of insane. But that's plenty enough for me. Yeah I still think about it but each day gets more comfortable with the knowing it is over.

I'm def feeling better than I have in a long time physically, other than being a bit pissed about being heavier than I want to be. But back when I last did the Battenkill thing and I was 215 (i was eating a shit ton of rice and 'recovery' carbs after rides) i had a ton of leg fat, not just fat on my ass and gut, and that fat hasn't come back. and sometimes I can imaging that the roll I pinch is getting smaller, but fuck it i dunno, I'll go hungry when I can, eat when I need to. Play the whole food game try and focus on quality calories and just keep eating lots of salad.

I should wrap this up - before I get into the weeds any more. Need to get out the door. Yeah I'm gonna drive, if the car starts. Don't really have a choice.

heddwch,
G

Damn that intro

to where the streets have no names...


Ridiculous...

Sometimes writing helps, sometimes it makes it worse, sometimes it does both usually in the opposite order...

not a great morning, not terrible afternoon but not what was planned.

i was working pretty insanely until the opening bars of this song came on the pandora station i had playing in the background...

i had to sit down and stop...

that whole album...

good stuff...

not a good time in my life though - but i guess the argument could be made that it is just normal for me...

Stopped to snap a photo this morning

posted it over on IG and twitter with the caption:
"Tailwind #bikecommute overseen by an undulating tapestry of clouds."

Pretty sure it would be impossible to convey how well it suited my mood this morning. So I didn't try.

It just does...

still does...

Of course autoplay from the link above cued up:

And shit the lyrics are kind of my anthem eh?

best get back to it - music, ah music...

heddwch
G

oh books and reading

I guess that's been as much a part of me as riding bikes. Something consistent, always there. Back and forth sometimes not reading so much, sometimes digging into different genres. lately of course I've pretty much read all the science fiction i can get my hands on. Apocalyptic stuff seems to resonate well with the state of the world.

I was waiting for Emma Newman's 4th book in the Pathfinder series to come out. It showed up in the library, I missed the first checkout but grabbed it pretty quickly. Devoured it in a day. Read late, read while eating meals...  it is a short book at least. Not like a GRRM tome or a JSAC brick.  So much absolutely on point, wonderful and terrifying future description of the human race and how toxic the current crop of americans are...  read the book and you'll get it. Best though to read all 4 books.

Now Yash had posted something about another author. Haruki Murakami. I've come across this guy a few times, but never picked up one of his books. But Yash posted Norwegian Wood and it was available in the library, and i was waiting for other stuff while listening to Saturn Run building bikes.

And wow.

What a gut wrenching but almost familiar kind of story. Oddball awkward loaner coming of age, reflecting on heartache and pain and life and death.

I'm still processing it but between what Syl has been going through and a pile of other stuff I'm kind of floating in a weird fugue state.

one quote I highlighted and saved as I was reading it:

"That;s why you need to grab whatever chance you have for the happiness where you find it, and not worry too much about other people. My experience tells me that we got no more than two or three such chances in a lifetime, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives."

got a very dark feeling that i've had my two or three chances... and that's the way it is... but i suppose if it isn't letting something go as having it done w/o control it isn't the same... 

Life is pretty fucked up. Strange. And shit.

Okay now I'm fucking up my day sitting here wasting time writing instead of riding in to work.

But the day's pretty well hosed, or in other words it is going to be flat out non-stop once I get there. In an intensity that is hard to describe. But that's okay, it is what it is and I'll get through and work to help everyone around me be their best.

Might even leave the e-bike at home again today. Maybe I'll get lucky and be able to leave early enough to get either the new BB in or bars taped or the new fancy carbon wheels on the Crockett... yeah I'll probably ride that today. Tires continue to be a bit of a perplexing area...  maybe with the 25mm wide rims the 38s will be good enough eh? Should probably order some of them. Maybe put some 28s on the old heavy stock wheels and turn the crocket into road level stuff. It has a 38t chainring. Will make for a shitty spinning ride on the road for smackdown level pacing but should be fine for long days in the saddle.

Books and bikes...  quiet introspection, no confidence, begrudging solitude...  but somehow it works... i guess.

speaking of work...  i'm so f'n late...

heddwch
G

oh smackdown

There's some contention about smackdown and there's some differing of opinion about what the ride means and how it should be done.

Causes some issue.

I want to get into it - but some how the charge from having a not terrible night last night, even if it was just riding with Syl and Burke after leland and the cat 1 kids took off i felt not terrible and got my HR over 160 so that was good.

Was able to dig and hurt myself.

Was good.

But somehow

I mentally tanked today. No energy. Not sure why, or what the trigger was. But it sucks.

the new different route is good for well matched people, not good for having a group that deals with both fast and almost fast guys.

phone is having issues - i guess that's part of it - screen stays black and I don't know why... backlight is staying off and not turning on...  i don't have time for this bullshit

but it is what it is right. managable

everything else is weighing heavily, talks with syl brought up a bunch of emotional PTSD

interviews are happening - interesting being on this side of things for a change, also a bit stressful... and time consuming... I don't have time for this! Well I do but it means everything else gets pushed back and suddenly I'm scheduling 2 weeks out. And that's also stressful.

deep breath and move on - carry on eh?

one foot, another, another...

well time to act normal, something I guess I have practice with..

heddwch
G