one down...

Got one car taken care of. The easy one. Just an oil change and a reset of the oil change indicator.

Picked up some new cycling gloves. cheap, but warm and thin and may be good. We'll see. Now I have two mid-weight gloves, one ancient pair of Pearl Izumi's on their last fingers and these 100% Brisker gloves. Will try em out tomorrow.

Got the parts to do the other car too, the hoping the spark plug non-foulers help. Code was clear until I just got home. But not quite enough daylight to start digging into it.

Picked up a second cog, a nice 17t. Gonna dig out the spare spacers and put it on the mud wheels. If i need the mud tires i'll likely need the easier gear. Also will be good to test the fit.

Thinking maybe KMC next weekend because of the singlespeed category. Skipping shed park because no SSCX category also a long drive and some less than awesome memories. Like say the downpipe falling off, among other things.

Got my blood work back and my Tgl is nice and low, well mid-range and that T/G calc i linked to last post puts me at the safe border of the insulin side and I think if i hadn't eaten a giant pile of pasta the night before and gone back for thirds because it tasted so good, I probably would have been even lower. Oh I have decidedly average hemocrit - 44. Weeeeeee.

Did get some rest, slept in, thought about the Bikeworks ride but sleep was good. I'll ride tomorrow, then grocery shopping, then work on the car.

Parts for the Concept 2 are here - gonna have to take that apart soon and put it back together...  and now start to figure out what to make for dinner.

And get my shit together for tomorrow morning.

getting my shit together for more than a day ahead seems like an insurmountable task.

one thing at a time...

heddwch
G

Made it to the end of the day

What a day eh?

What a week. Weird one. Short. And holy crap I'm booked up solid every day until I leave for Seattle for the Yuletide concerts.



This place looks really cool. Kind of want to go head there and hang out in the summer heat - gotta be pretty high on the amazing side no?

I feel seen

https://www.instagram.com/p/ByYReozno9x/?igshid=1e3z8aiuwhwsx

Well where was I?

Right here. Same as always.

Rode some bikes, tried to rest. Rode some more bikes. Drove to Doc. Got told a few things. Took apart a Concept 2 Model C, put it back together. Rode in to work this morning with 20F on the thermometer with a 20+ gusting headwind.

I forget what happened saturday. Totally locked out brain not sure what the fuck happened. Oh right - kid pick up then shopping. Did some other stuff and eventually got to sleep.

Woke up way before I was ready to and headed out on the MTB with Syl and Fred. Was slow, but man I was dead, and tired and felt terrible. Sub-deltoid bursa was pissed off and painful from all the painting and grouting. Still. Yes. I know. Ugh.

Came home and didn't do much. Pretty hosed.

Went off for the CX out on the cape on Monday. Raced Singlespeed. Didn't get lapped by Donny, finished 8th, faded in the last two laps, probably lost a minute plus on each lap why? Sometimes the big gear I run works, sometimes it doesn't. This was another one of those where I should have changed the gear. Super short tight course with all the acceleration and few to no long pedally sections. You were either going slightly up hill, steeply up hill, or coming out of a 90-180 turn (or going down). I suppose if I was stronger and in better shape and 20 pound lighter the gear would be good. But I'm not, and it wasn't.

I left the Stache in the car after Sunday and put the CX bike on top of it. Maybe ride Otis after. didn't wind up doing that. Even though it was a pretty short race, i still was wrecked. Tired. Just drove home.

Made dinner.

Slept.

Woke up and went to the Doc.

My Glucose is too high, LDL kind of high, and oddly potassium was elevated.

I think potassium is probably a bounce back/related to the prednisone and the adrenal gland re-stabilizing. Had the blood work done fasted and only a couple days after last taper dose.

Glucose too high? well that's probably because I ate a shit ton of delicious mac and cheese I made (not whole wheat pasta) the night before. Sure it was almost a 12 hour fast but... well... I can eat a lot. And didn't work out nearly hard enough that morning, or the day before to be in glycogen debt.

LDL? only flagged now because they changed stuff but I'm very very much convinced these numbers are not great predictors of CVD. Related? Yes, but there's a lot of other things.

I re-did the Glucose, much less accurate quick little machine at the annual wellness screening today. Gluc was lower, but then again I ate a shit ton of mac and cheese again. Yeah I make it once every couple weeks, or maybe more frequently. Going to def go back to whole wheat pasta exclusively.

Too much fuel. Not enough intensity on the bike. Makes sense. Can tweak and adjust this. Will be re-testing for HepK and LDL and glucose. def will plan on doing a very different dietary plan on the run in to that blood draw.

It makes sense. I've been eating a bit more pasta and white potatoes lately. Trying to make sure I am topped up for efforts. even if I'm not doing as many efforts as I should. Also giving in a bit to fueling the rowing kid who IS doing a shit tone of work and needs the fuel.

Guess what's for dinner tonight?

Salad motherfuckers.

A big goddamn salad.

And maybe some burger pockets (burgers cooked and then wrapped in tortilla with cheese and then seared to seal and melt cheese - although writing this gives me another idea on how to make them... hmmmmm)

Did I mention it was cold this morning? Broke out the Wolvhammer boots. The previous generation, the ones w/o the removable liner, and w/o the boa. BUT THEY ARE STILL SUPER WONDERFULLY WARM.

The boots look pretty silly with Lycra, but I wore street clothes, no big deal. Shit forgot to plug in my headlight. Here's to hoping there's enough juice in the light to get home.

Dug out my warm gloves even.

So the energy balance thing is what I've gotta work on. Def not working as hard as i should and eating more than i should, esp of the yummy shit.

Made some chicken and soba noodles with so much umami it was REDICULOUS, so delicious. Ate so much. Too much. damn bottomless pit of a stomach. Ate that while watching Ramen Heads. Now I want some legit Japanese ramen. Where though? I bet no one makes their own noodles here.

Took apart crew kid's teammate's erg they got for free. Teeth were SUPER fucked up on the cog, chain also super rusty and missing a bit of hardware and had the old wood handle. Just ordered all the parts to recondition it. Not going to pull the bungies, they are still working, probably have been replaced at least once, the pick up has. And if the bungies break, well that's not the hardest fix, or the most expensive, maybe should have ordered them while I was at it... next time I guess.

Would be nice to race bikes this weekend but I think I'll just have to make due with riding the MTB. I am very much liking it. But will hopefully show up not as tired and run down as I was last week.

Ooh it is late. Damnit. Been one crazy motherfucking day. it is 7 degrees warmer out there right now, and I'll have a tailwind. BUT it is dark, I'm wagering I'll be colder on the ride home than i was on the ride in.

Shit maybe I need to get the trainer set up, sigh, probably. The big Stache MTB is taking up the space the trainer would be set up in. Maybe I need to re-do the re-do of the bike room.

or not

Need to work more on the rest of everything. And catch up on the rest. Even racing this weekend and riding the MTB I'm making progress there.

Now I need to get home and make some dinner.

heddwch
G

one more

This one makes me grin - from ridiculousness and such a fun cover

Open book

The song that lead to this:


was in my head for a while and it is this one:


But really mid-rabbit hole there I stumbled down this:


And I went bare handed in 33°F weather with a headwind.

Only 40 minutes, not too bad.

If you're gonna be dumb/lazy ya better be tough.

Yeah I need to find something other than my super arctic gloves. Can't find the mid-weight or lightweight stash.

odd morning

tiny punctuation of insanity longer bits of calm, and the stuff I need to fix is in use, which is good, but still has issues to resolve.

There were snacks upstairs. I ate them. Gotta rock the clydesdale label. My bike is heavy and so am i. Really was funny watching Syl try and lift it after the Church ride. He's gonna be a menace when his Blur is ready to ride.

Missing NoHo - mixed feelings about it but ultimately the right call... maybe I'll be back someday... maybe next year. Who knows.

Missing it? the racing every weekend? Yeah. Missing the racing, missing the friends... it was the best with teammates, even if it isn't a team sport. Gave ya something to work for, pulled ya up a bit taller, made ya dig a bit deeper.

This is f'n good, why have I not seen it before? Have I not heard them before? How is that possible?


crazy
more videos?

Not today.. maybe

Maybe the Ska infusion as of late and the Caro Emerald mixing in there has been a good thing.

okay - enough skankin around

heddwch
G

hello friends

bathroom done and i'm wrecked and moving on to shit with no downtime,
 kind of

course might be all set to ignore until the spring, i think i have a full compliment of students and a overflowing waiting list

bikes? what bikes...

commute

still feeling tentative on the SSCX under super high load

made some steak tonight, kid LOVED it...  is was pretty damn f'n good.

took a couple photos on the ride yesterday - missed the rain, was awesome on the way home...

Pissed that I didn't have time to listen to the whole NKK J book. the audiobook I was waiting for forever (since july) expired before I could finish the last 1/4 of it. But it was extra awesome listening to the audio, and the cultural inflections and how to pronounce the names, so when I the book version (shorter wait #2 on 1 vs #12 on 2)  is off hold then I'll pick it back up. Still closing in on the last part of the Sarah J Maas's book 4 of the Throne of Glass series. It is good, I like it but am at the point where I just want to know what happens. Might need to give this series a rest before picking up book 5.

We'll see what the hold roulette does.  I kind of want Gideon the Ninth to come off first, I've heard much much good stuff about it.

That doesn't makes sense... heard much much good stufff...  wtf

Ah well.

Also GRX has a dropper integrated left lever. I want it. BADLY. Not because I need a dropper on the CX but i would certainly USE one. But that's a lot of $$ to upgrade to something like that. For a bike I haven't ridden since I raced it last...  when the fuck was that?

Minuteman CX?

Shit, can't remember. Not doing NoHo this weekend. Might head to the Cape on Monday. Why not eh? could be a fun day. We'll see what the weather does and the SS race isn't super early.

Felt like getting a few words out...  instead of reading... 

ok - gonna put food away and start the dishwasher and maybe catch up on sleep. The bathroom kicked my butt, the late night painting and all the rest going on.

I am tired.

But it looks good. I'm happy with it. Everyone else is too.

heddwch
G

so fried

that I can't focus enough to read. I don't have much left in the book and damnit i want to get to the end (so i can get to the next book)

Went mtbing - dirt church, was fun. Short this week, only about 3 hrs out there, 2:15 pedaling because of stops and clearing the trails and cutting logs and stuff with my Gomboy. We didn't just ride, we did trail work too.

After yesterday's marathon day and all the grouting, getting up early to ride and then coming home and cleaning the grout and then caulking and starting to put it back together... i'm tired.

Hoping to get the paint up tonight. Really want to get it done.

Hate this finish work.

But got a ride in.

Almost done with the bathroom...  all in time for an insane week.

time to eat - need food

heddwch
G

FOUND IT

All of it. Found all of the shit. First my orange jacket, then I remembered where the other one was (at the bike shop, took it off to try on and buy the orange long sleeve NBX jersey for MTB and left it there and forgot about it). Actually found my glasses too.

FOUND EVERYTHING.

But I feel like crap. Legit terrible. Sleep hasn't been great so maybe I'm just tired. Poison Ivy is finally fading so that's good. Weather has been not great for riding so I haven't.

Got the ceiling painted, or at least primed. Did it by hand, with a brush. Being tall is nice, but man i hate the smell of primer. This stuff was a bit thick, didn't roll so well.

Ain't gonna be the prettiest paint job, but it'll work 

Need to get the final coat on before the tiles I guess - maybe. Would really want to get that done before the tiles but I didn't get paint yet. Didn't get paint though, I needed to get it, but well haven't done that yet. Might get it done before the tiles go in, we'll see how that goes.

Maybe i'll even ride a bike one of these days...

maybe...

plenty of shit happening oh well...  we'll get it done some how...

finding stuff is good

now to find some rest

heddwch
G

This is a damn fine inspiration

https://www.planetbike.com/fall-2019-super-commuter-kent-fackenthall/

SRSLY

Well chosen  Planet Bike.

Today has been a struggle but fuck it - it also is an adventure.

To be completely honest I felt like crap on the bike, and the most worriesome was climbing the little hill on the single speed.

The spot where I broke the chain and I backed way off. 

BTW THAT DOESN'T WORK WHEN YOU ARE ON A SINGLESPEED...

There was an unconscious distrust of the bike. And I didn't like it.

I just feel off.

Maybe it is the slow bleeding of Prednisone from my system.

Or something else?

Also I think I've added my sunglasses to the pile of shit I can't find. Had em yesterday - then I didn't.

But did you read that planet bike thing? makes ya wanna ride. A freaking inspiration.

Anyway...
step
by
step

one foot
in front
of
the
other

even as everything falls apart around me and inside me

heddwch
G

what is a day off?

A take the kid to school, do the weekend shopping, dishes, eat, airport run, yard work, kid pick up, make dinner, do dishes.

Read?

No more progress on the bathroom. Maybe tomorrow after work. Yeah, sigh, full packed day. Just like everyday, but this is there and doesn't feel like i've had much of  a break. Going to be interesting I suppose. Working with good people all day so that always makes it worthwhile.

But no bikes since...  Thursday late night in the dark. Still no sign of my jackets.

Must have mis-counted on the Pred pills cause i'm down to not the right number. Either I took too many or the pill slider fucked up and shorted me a couple. Hopefully this will be enough of a taper that my adrenal glands don't 'infarct' as my doc said they would w/o it.

Legs were itchy and only moderately disruptive last night, better and better but so strange to have it go so long and intense. I haven't looked at the weather in days, this is strange. Okay not true - i looked at it for Sunday and the possible MTB but not since then.

Van's making a different new noise, maybe was there all along but wheelbearing masked it? Or they put the wheelbearing in wrong? Or? Oh and the change oil indicator came on, gotta deal with that. And STILL deal with the Volvo.

I know it is Really Rad CX this weekend out on the cape, but a 8:45 start for the 40+ at $41 before Bikereg fees for a 40 min race when I haven't shifted a CX bike since August and have not time or desire to put gears on the bike. I suppose the 2/3/4 race option is there but no gears and same price and I just can't find the joy in signing up and doing it. So I probably won't race there.  Cheshire? Way to far away. Nope, nope nope nope. I guess it is more not race in peak CXy time. Does that mean a trip to NoHo? Maybe. Why not? Better question might be why bother.

The SSCX races are fun enough to draw me out, to get me to sign up, but beyond that I'm not finding the motivation.

Didn't even go MTB'n this weekend. Maybe the bathroom progress over Wed and Thurs will have a ride window and more importantly someone to show me around some trails.

Mostly needed to get the race logic out of my brain.

The Bosstones quote by KF over on IG this morning got me thinking. Can't seem to post a IG comment w/o massively fucking up the words, one of them I couldn't remember what I had intended to swipe after posting and re-reading. And I even found and made a few corrections before posting, but not all the errors.

"Sometimes you have to  be the punch line. Sometimes you get to tell the joke"

The whole lyrics are abs good - someone on twitter was saying Ska for ever!
Well yeah. Duh.  Am I more Ska than Punk? maybe. Mustard Plug and Thigh High Nylons blew my mind when I first heard it on the radio.

Those lyrics tho

Sometimes, sometimes you've got to be the punch line
Well and sometimes, sometimes you get to tell the joke
There's no difference on the end that you end up on
I've got a preference I'll defend right, right over wrong
I won't wait till they say when
Or wait for them to tell me when I can
Why would I wait for them
If I waited for them then
I'd be no different than them
And I'm so certain that I am
Someone, someone will try to be the hammer
And someone, somebody ends up as the nail
Who cares what end you end up on
Hammers break and nails bend
I'll still take right, right over wrong
And that's what I'll defend
That's what I'm defending
I won't wait till they say when
Or wait for them to tell me when I can
Why would I wait for them
If I waited for them then
I'd be no different than them
And I'm so certain that I am
I won't wait till they say when
Or wait for them to tell me when I can
Why would I wait for them
If I waited for them then
I'd be no different than them
And I'm so certain that I am
Sometimes you've got to be the punch line
Sometimes you get to tell the joke

Ah - dig it up if you haven't heard it - what is it about the horns?

Anyway - the line got me thinking about accepting being the punch line, how it hasn't always been easy for me being the punch line, infact impossible. Got thinking about my childhood, got thinking about how my brain is wired. 'Sperg/Spectrum...  i was normal enough to be normal but different enough to be really different. There was a talk at the symposium looking at VLA? exposure and how it caused cerebral disruption by creating too many synapses. Too many connections in the brain and how that is tied to behavior. I saw/thought about it as an asset to be leveraged, but, yeah, there's something else there...  too far and it doesn't work. Too different.

So yeah been in this loop the punch line added to it this morning, but really it is all linked in to what I cannot put into words.

Best sleep, or at least stop writing my brain up into a frenzy.

heddwch
G

Progress

On monday:

That happened. A light poke and a whole next level of fun was initiated.

This afternoon I turned it into this:

The wet looking spots are some vinegar spray to knock down the mold on the studs from being wet for, like, ever.

Didn't break any of the tiles on ends. Yes there is actually one small stripe of concrete board. The tiles came off it where it was wettest but not so much over at the far end of the tub. But they came off.

Cleaned up. Found the old original tiles. They were pinkish. There were a few broken bits of them down in the gap in the wall.

Yeah that wall board is not a 4x8 sheet.

Time to let it dry, eval measure tomorrow then supplies and the rest get procured. Hopefully back to a normal bathroom by the end of the week.

We'll see if the downstairs shower (the one that flooded on my birthday) is acceptable or i go with second shower curtain for this.

Didn't really eat much. Then made a big salad for dinner and a few sausages. And some how put a big hole in the middle of my tongue. Okay more of a dagger shaped hole. At least only one cut on my thumb. Not sure what from.

Even wore safety glasses through the whole project.

Did some plastic welding for the kid's art project, probably should have opened a window while doing it instead of after. Oops.

Well i needed something to do productive while the Patriots played some football on the TV.

TIred. trying not to let the back lock up after the day of awkward delicate demolition.

Mentally and physically tired right now.

but i got some shit done...

a good day i suppose...

will be interesting to see if sleep continues to improve...

heddwch
G

physical manifestations

of emotional/mental state

didn't make it out on the bike yesterday

plans maybe to try this morning but the rain came in and while i'm fine with riding in the rain and the trails are rocky and sandy enough to shrug off the wheels in the wet the thought of being up and ready at that hour and then clean up after were overwhelming.

I'm digging the book but library loan is due and i can't even focus enough to read more than a chapter at a time.

Finally mostly almost able to sleep under the covers w/o being woken by intense pain as the poison ivy rash warms up. It still flames up when covered and warm but it is more of a warming post shower embro glow, that borderline of heat and pain.

I should be taking the tiles off carefully right now. I should be cleaning up a bit, I should be maybe in the car driving a million miles to a CX race in the rain, even though, yes, I'm still dosed up with a S9 PED. But I'm here. Hanging out on a rainy day with the dogs. Just me and them.

It might be enjoyable if I wasn't overwhelmed with the shit I have to deal with and the feeling of exhaustion.

And some how the two mid-weight jackets I wear all the time have vanished. One I had on last week, saturday, was getting warm, took it off, can't find it anywhere. It is bugging me. Where the fuck did it go. And my Pearl commuting jacket, the 30-50 degree weather one? Also fucking missing. Can't find either. And that's bugging me.

So strange, such a 180 from how I was feeling last week. Body has compensated for the drug, PI is out of the system. But at least maybe I got a bit better sleep last night than before. Steady improvement. Perhaps that will help. Also just getting the tiles off probably is a good thing to get done.

I should have ridden yesterday, even if it was just around the local tiny short trails. But I took the dogs for a walk instead. I watched a stupid movie and made myself some food.

I'm not even feeling like racing next weekend. Really Rad? I dunno that's where one of the Mark's separated his shoulder and I had to drive him to the ER in PVD, and that's the same race legacy that the other Mark did the same thing trying to bunny hop at Plymouth North and did the same thing. And that whole racing with the masters really really early. Or cheshire? too fucking far, don't care if it is a Zanc race I'm not fucking driving there.

Pretty sad sack of shit right now.

But i'll keep on keeping in on. Self preservation mode may be what's driving me to be a lazy oaf right now or something worse. I dunno.

Might go back to reading a little more, make more coffee, then tackle the bathroom wall.

I bought a cute little prybar set yesterday - should be perfect for delicately pulling tiles off the wall, gotta find one of the utility knives for the rest of the delicate demolition. Gotta be not me. I'm the one who usually over-wrecks stuff. I'm good at somethings but it is frustrating that I find certain things I just can't do, which I suppose is a relief. A reminder that even I have limits. Or at least limits that aren't self imposed by a shitty melancholic induced apathetic mood.

Maybe more coffee will help...  probably not

heddwch
G

roughest yet

Running on pretty much no sleep.

got up to put more of the topical stuff on after 30-45 min of sleep only not to be able to fall back asleep for an hour or two dozing but waking back up and then finally ahh warm and drifting off but guess what happens when i get nice and warm and comfy? The rash says 'HEY FUCK YOU I NEED TO BE COLD OR I'LL WAKE YOU UP IN PAIN"

airport run, driving in traffic, no bike, useless but getting stuff done. the easy stuff that i haven't done all week. and picking up after yesterday.

we'll see if i make it past lunch, or even to lunch today w/o just going home.

last nights mood has somewhat intensified with the lack of sleep...  should be a fun day...  or the opposite of fun

was too tired to read but to wired to sleep... 

Amor Fate


i'll work on that... 

at least i can wear shorts today, no long pants irritating the hell out of it.

that's a positive

heddwch
G

predictable

Made it through the day. All the build up, it happened, it was pretty successful. People loved the talks, we didn't have a huge audience but we had a good one and they paid attention.

'Casual Lunch' was that, pretty informal. But it worked.

Tour could have been 2x as long but it worked.

Had plans to go to dinner with the corporate 'co-sponsors' but the three of us are packing it up and cleaning up and well...  plans changed and the one that was going to stay in town after headed right back home. The other wasn't going to hang out anyway.

So that was it - kind of a let down. But not really. Just, that, as predictable as it could be, I was caught off guard. Been floating pretty high on this Prednisone and whatever chemical shit storm the Poison Ivy has been causing happen and just being so busy that I haven't been able to slow down. Today was non-stop. I was never moving slower than a near run.

Then it was over.

It was dark.

I rode home.

Felt colder on the ride home at 60°F in the dark than it did at 46°F this morning in the sun.

Made some food. Still hungry, the meeting coffee had WAY more caffeine than my normal stuff. So now I'm in that weird state of being fucking exhausted (yeah not much sleep last night) wired and now kind of depressed.

E heads to DC early tomorrow to guide at the Marine Corps marathon...  and I still have to deal with the busted bathroom and busted car and in the middle of all the crazy today I completely filled the week of Nov 4th. And during the symposium I was saying how nice it was outside while it was so cold in the lecture hall, so nice for being November. Was immediately corrected "Hey Geoff, it is still October."

Right.

I was kind of looking forward to a industry dinner, a chance to talk with people who do what I do, at a nice place on their expense account. But actually pretty happy to just have been able to get home and not be now looking at the time at dinner realizing that I still had to ride home. As nice as it would have been it isn't the part that is causing any issue. It is that void of having just finished something big. It is over. Or something.

I dunno but it is odd having been feeling so good all week, like oddly awesome. Figuring it was the prednisone or something.

I have just barely started tapering. And really have only been taking it since tuesday night.

Listening to the Punch Brother's live at the house of blues right now.

There, embedded.

Man this exhaustion+wired combo SUCKS.

Can't really focus on enough to do much of anything productive (except let my fingers capture the stream of thoughts trying to get out of my head) was riding that steroid high yesterday night - got a TON of shit done. But hit the crossover point where the drugs and systemic poison ivy shit stopped providing an odd excess of energy and the lack of decent sleep has taken over. And that damn 4:30 high test coffee... 

And it really is a systemic case, I am getting poison ivy spots popping up still, no it isn't anything else, yeah most of the stuff is drying out but the skin is super pissed and gonna take a long time to recover, if it can. But hey what's a few extra battle scars anyway.

I guess the realization that there's no CX for a while, maybe next weekend but Cheshire too damn far, racing at super early with the age group race...  gears? no SSCX of course, Falmouth is pretty flat. But still, not sure about that. i dunno. There's always mountain biking. I should probably figure out a ride for Saturday afternoon if I can fit it in before the rains come on Sunday.

I'll stop rambling, but felt like capturing the mood. Maybe I'll try and read a bit.

was gonna try the coffeenueringthing but hasn't been a chance... fuck just rubbed stupid the residue of the super hot long chinese pepper in my left eye... feels kind of invigorating. I think that's a bad sign... 

better sign off before i do something else stupid and then share it...

heddwch
G

Bike keeps trying to kill me

(oops this was a draft started yesterday - gonna post unfinished - too much going on add more than Prednisone kicks ASS - esp for pedaling and feeling good)

This time the chain snapped on the way to work. Climbing the one hill. Almost exactly the mid-point of the commute.

3.5 miles from home (plenty of bikes and tools). 3.5 miles from the office (no bikes not tools).
or
just about 2 miles to the bike shop.

I walked/scootered/kicked along the stone curb to the shop.

Grabbed a chain from the pile of ancient too short but brand new cast offs (perfect for Singlespeed).

The PC10 that was on there before exploded at the pin underload going up a hill. Yeah. I nearly wrecked myself as my medial quad hit the stem. A couple extra cuts to go with the poison ivy.

wee

I didn't have a chain tool, wouldn't have helped w/o a 15mm wrench for the axle and a 6mm to adj the rear brake.

Put the chain on there - noticed the rear pads were fucked, put new brake pads on while i was there.

Made it to the meeting 3 min late. But didn't get all the shit i needed to get done before that.

Stealing a few moments between appointments. So if you're keeping score.
Poison Ivy = haven't slept more than 4 hrs in one stretch for a week (the steroids aren't working yet)
Wrecked Shower = bathroom remodel time
Busted bike



That was a great lunch vid. Okay so I haven't really seen any KT video, never ridden there. Guess maybe one of these days I'll have to make the trip.

@$@#$!@$!#%$% poison ivy sucks

Sure - i've gottan a few tiny bumps here and there over the years. Usually i'm really good at getting it off.

I haven't slept well in a few days, getting worse.

Got an appointment to see the doc this morning.

Now I have a dose of steroids waiting for me at the Pharmacy. Even the doc said this was a really bad case. She was very happy that I came in now before it went fully systemic and got infected.

Oh and yesterday i was rinsing the technu off of the rash on my leg before heading to work and touched the side of the shower with my toes... and:

Yup that's my shower now.

There's a hole in the wall.

It is soaking wet behind the tile.

Yes the tile was installed directly onto sheetrock. Yes the rock is completely saturated with water and perfectly perforated along the grout lines.

Yes - i wasn't planning on doing a bathroom re-model, but guess I'm going to add this to getting the car ready for inspection. Or actually before that happens.

SO MUCH FUN.

And being gone all morning at the docs has set me way back. And no bike riding today.

Mountain bike weekend after dropping kid off has turned into LETS REMODEL THE BATHROOM WHILE IT IS JUST ME IN THE HOUSE. Sigh...

I did block off three days next week. So it'll be a light week in the microscope lab but heavy on the house and car fixing.

if it isn't one thing it is another.

if i didn't get the PI the shower might have falling apart while a guest was in the house - or while I was covered in soap instead of just standing outside the shower rinsing off shit. Tiles dropped into the wall instead of into the tub so the enamel on the cast iron didn't get wrecked.

Coulda been worse. Still kind of frustrating.

Validating when your doc freaks out at seeing it all, guess taking the time to head there was a good thing. Maybe the steroids will make me all big like Ahhnold.

heddwch
G

"Local legend"

Or at least Watch Hill.

James L Scott and I rode past her house (we think) on the 4 hills of the apocalypse ride one year.

I've seen people talking about this concert.

Yes I love the NPR tiny desk concerts.

No I still can't listen to NPR. Yes I grew up listening to it. Not sure when the intolerance began. Perhaps the 40,000 miles a year driving in michigan day after day?



But my 10am was going to be late, didn't think they'd be late enough to allow me to watch the whole thing and start writing about it (maybe they'll be so late I'll get to finish writing as well).

So yeah, this, was, really good. Really really good. Sometimes there's a real gift/talent behind a pop star. Not always.

But the masses will recognize one that rises above the others. They have a staying power that outlasts the promoted or the fake.

No I don't listen to much Tay Tay, but even the heavy production scores are good. I like this version of her stuff better. Unplugged, raw, her.

--

Didn't get to finish writing before they showed up. Now it is time to eat.

No bike racing this weekend, also found out Fruitlands is out so no racing next weekend either. MORE TIME TO MTB!

I eat lunch and my in box blows up.
I wonder if i can ignore everything until November.

Probably could but shouldn't, if I didn't give a shit I might, but I do so I will probably get to it at some point.

Cued up Frank Turner for lunch. Trolling twitter, reading cycling in the south bay.
And cruised some IG - and damn it Frank. I love you and your songs but some of them really hit me hard and make me sad.

Okay there were other tweaks to the mood today after watching T-swizzle's Tiny desk concert.

And damn - I ate lunch, and had a big breakfast AND STILL AM HUNGRY.

Stupid singlespeed. Or awesome singlespeed. Making me work more than that e-bike and working more than I have been in the past. Or as hard as I was but when i was consuming a ton of daily calories in beer. I forget about that factor in the equation when I think about the past and now. It is a significant tweak. But I will have to say I think less and less about the beer, but still am not surprised by the constant suggestion of celebration/relaxation/vacation/somethingation with an alcoholic beverage. Also very pleasantly surprised with how fine I am w/o it. More and more each day. Sure - Bradford Smith joked he's been sober for 37 years. Well I am jealous, wish I had picked that path but if I had picked it well things would have been different. But here I am. And I'm hungry.

Kind of bummed still about missing fruitlands, kind of bummed about the lack of racing opportunities w/o driving hours and hours. Sure G-ride did that, driving down from VT each weekend for years. I'm just not super keen on it at this point. But hey more time to Mountain bike.

okay - better fire this shit off and hit publish and stop day dreaming between words and get to the growing pile of emails. Why do they have to send them all on Friday afternoon?

heddwch
G

nothing downed

The bomb cyclone storm that blasted through yesterday spared us. At least the overnight mess. Knocked power out all over the place but not at home or at work. Bike path was totaly clear too. Okay not totally way more leaves down.

This was too good not to pull in. I wonder if the OJ crowd on twitter will remember the same level of objection i have to non-whole milk.

Even if it isn't really whole milk and it is still separated than then recombined into exactly 3.5% and homoge'd

Jill nails it pretty well. She's someone who never stopped blogging, or adventuring:
"You need to ride bikes to enjoy riding bikes. Otherwise, they feel like mostly unnecessary torture machines. "

65 mile bike commute? Sure - but not everyday. That said he's right. It is usually a headwind both ways. https://pvcycling.wordpress.com/2019/10/17/carmaggeddon-day-21-bike-lawyer/

I got a bit of a cross tailwind this morning that wound up more of a headwind at times. Hoping for a shift before the ride home, not looking forward to singlespeed into the wind.

Would have brought the e-Bike but was worried i'd have to haul it up and over fallen trees. There weren't any and maybe I should have.

the poison ivy is fucking annoying. just when I felt like I was catching up on the sleep boom - itchy annoying bullshit all night. And damn i'm hungry more lately - even making sure i add enough protein at the right times... doing more work but not enough more work on the bike to do more than just make me hungry. Singlespeed i guess is a bit of a calorie hog. And i've been deliberately cutting portions down at dinner and lunch, i might be snacking a little more but not too much.

well i HAD an emergency cliff bar in the desk at work.

Finished the #LTBOOKREAD After the Flood. Sort of like waterworld without the mutants or the floating islands and from a female perspective. Big book about loss and all that. But no desal talk, first rule of ocean survival is to learn how to desalinate when the cistern gets empty and you need water. Solar power works eh?

Time to show off some microscopes.

y'all be good

heddwch
G

Two good ones back to back

It happened I guess.

But by good I guess you could say - okay. But for me I feel pretty happy with the progress and the sensations.

And both days I was actually racing others not just sliding backwards.

And neither day did I get lapped.

Day two I did have a pretty good slide/slowdown on laps 4 and 5 but turned myself inside out to bring lap 6 close to lap 2 and held off Josh.

Esp after no sleep saturday night and waking up at 4:45 to drive L to her Regatta (she won NE champs in the HS double division). The varsity 8 was a mess but they were mid-pack and considering how much of a mess that isn't terrible.

So no sleep, early morning, eating whatever food I could find, then rushing to the venue getting there and getting a lap in before the 1/2/3 race and then one lap in after they finished and then racing...  not so bad.

Saturday's race was a lap short, Sunday's felt a lap long but it balanced out I suppose.

I did lose my headphones at Mansfield. Bummer because I actually use them to talk while driving, don't have another pair, BUT I found some poison ivy, so for the first time in 10+ years I have a nice rash on my forearm (the sensitive inside skin side) and the outside of my calf. The right side must have hit something somewhere and my delayed shower was a really bad idea. Didn't get the oil off in time. Oh - a few spots on the left calf too. WHY and Where and man I'm usually pretty aware of this shit but I guess I fucked up this time. ITCHY AND PAINFUL oh well - and no - not putting anything on it. just dealing with it.

Were the results on either day close to what I'd have liked or feel were at my potential? Nope but I'm still pretty happy with them. Felt like I could race for the first time in a while.

No racing this weekend, def gonna do some MTB riding though so super stoked, no CX = MTB. Yay bikes!

Kind of wish I was headed to DC but not enough to make the trip. Too far.

Hell the CT races are too far. No way I'm doing Belltown or Cheshire. Have to re-eval the calendar. Def thinking about Fruitlands. New course looks good, and yeah even thinking about racing it on the singlepseed. Why? Because the gears will just slow me down. Can't finish any worse than I did last year there.

Dropped off the van at the garage this morning. On the ride home MW suggested it must be a luxurious feeling to be able to do that. And it is true, it does feel rather extravagant having them do the wheel bearing instead of me struggling with the front end on the pavement in front of the house in the open air using whatever tools I have and trying to figure it all out a the same time. All to save a couple hundred dollars. I don't have the time to work on it for another two weeks and it was getting bad. Bad enough that E decided to drive the volvo with the CEL voluntarily yesterday.

I'll work on the volvo at the end of the month, use a day off or two to see if i can get the P0420 to stay off before inspection time.

Kind of bummed about the headphones going AWOL - esp since finally, after waiting since June, NK Jemisin's Hundred Thousand Kingdom was checked out off the hold list... in audio book form. Guess I have to spend some more money sometime. Wish I hadn't lost them (they were in the pocket of the hoody, and well, at some point after getting in the car at home and looking for them after I got home they ceased being where I put them or anywhere in the car/bags of stuff.

Time to go harass the people on the new bridge and then teach a bit, then race back up here and finish the rest of everything.

heddwch
G
Here's the links I found that were good over the last couple days:
https://redkiteprayer.com/2019/10/the-regression/
https://pvcycling.wordpress.com/
https://chasingmailboxes.com/2019/10/15/coffeeneuring-challenge-flashback-data-data-data/
https://allhailtheblackmarket.com/2019/10/stress-kills/

Listening to this now as a change of pace from The Avett Brothers.
(and listening w/ adblock - i'll guess that w/o it there are tons of commercials in there)
But I gotta say High Steppin' always puts me in a good mood.

much better

Fixed the damn freewheel.

Stopped at the shop. Yeah it was getting worse and worse. If I stopped pedaling and coasted at all it wouldn't engage. But I was prepared this time and didn't launch myself.

Cleaned that thing up and OMG WOW HOLYSHIT i guess it has been bad for a while - solid immediate engagement. But yeah maybe it is time for a new one, even the SH-MX30 don't last forever.

That, just watched it. After dinner. chilling a bit - kid is getting cleaned up some rando unwatched season of Survivor is on in another room...  starting to put shit together for tomorrow's CX race. Yeah, I came home Saturday night and haven't. touched. a. damn. thing.

Nothing.

Mentally committed to changing wheelsets for tomorrow. figure i'll do it there, instead of here.

Bonus of not doing anything with it all, it is in one place.

But not clean. Including bottles, and coffee mugs.

Just unpinned the jersey. It passes the smell test.

Anyway back to the rapha thing, I know it isn't really my thing, but Lach's wit and enthusiasm is awesome, and it is good to hear.

And the calendar is set for heading to the MRC race. Double weekend. All the racing for everyone. I better get to bed early tonight. Maybe have some dessert to make sure the fuel is all topped up for tomorrow.

The lack of rain (nope - didn't get wet on the ride home) is a bummer, but maybe they got enough/more over in CT.

Can't decide if i want to dig back into the books and read or just veg a bit.

maybe read in bed

feels a lot later than it is

not sure if  my legs are ready for racing but hey have they ever been?

heddwch
G

Hanging out with a Nor'easter

Days now with this storm hanging off the coast.

So far I've only gotten wet riding home on Wednesday. I think maybe tonight will be wet. But of course it would be. Why?

last two days I work cycling kit.

plastic clothes.

today?

street clothes.

Also I nearly wrecked myself with the SSCX tank. More commuter than CX bit the big orange beach has twice tried to buck me off.

Full force high torque take off from a start and freewheel pawls say "fuck this have fun"

to say it is disruptive to staying upright on a bike when the chain suddenly goes from FULL HIGH TORQUE tension to ZIPPO KABOOM is an understatement.

I managed to mostly only injure pride - i don't have any of that anyway and to have wound up still upright in the middle of an intersection seemed kind of miraculous. I guess I have reflexes and experience and handling to thank.

This morning it was navigating between students between classes, busy, ooh a gap, lets accelerate and stay out of the way and KABOOM - wound up over in the grass but upright again.

Boat Loads of Shame, day after day (name the band)

I think that fancy dumontech chain lube Matt D asked me to try out must have gotten into the pawls, that lube is garbage IMHO. After a year or so of trying it I don't like it. It does eventually work if you build up enough of it and don't ride too much in the rain. So for an occasional user maybe it is good.

Daily driver? The only lube you should be using is GeWilli Lube. Or EVerLube - since it was Erik V that I got it from.  Anyway. I think I need some work on this thing before I really wreck myself.

Will be interesting to see how much work it is to get the freewheel off (spin on single speed).

Here's a song for ya.



Been on an Avett brother's kick for a bit now. High Steppin' gets into my head and I just let it roll and try and que up the song...

it is good.

maybe i need to start trying to play the guitar to cover Avett brothers and Frank turner stuff? Problem is all the (40) years of violin aka melody makes it REALLY hard to do the chord thing. not impossible, banjo is probably easier for me but oh man good banjo story that I'm still SUPER embarrassed about. I was a mouthy knowitalldick once upon a time. Okay i was that way for a very long time, now kind of after being broken in half and ground down, i've lost most of that edge.

Have you checked out Wandrer yet? https://wandrer.earth/a/earth I'm ranked a whopping 1199th right now.

I don't vary that much when it comes down to it but that's okay. fun to see where ya stack up and it is a different way to look at riding.

Might actually race both days this weekend. Will be up w/in 25 min of the Sunday course, might as well no? Could always day-of reg. The rain isn't making much of a dent in the drought. Will be interesting to see what the course is like tomorrow.

Looks like there is a break in the weather. Time to head home I think.

It isn't 5pm yet. So that would be leaving super early.

this one just came on the playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeYSqZPzwr8

also - man am I spoiled with youtube and adblocker

well -

take care of those you can touch,
be kind to those that can hear your voice...

heddwch
G

oops

 Got to work, skipped breakfast but did some periodic efforts on the ride in, hungry. Damnit I need a snack. Shit. Must wait to eat lunch. Okay waiting.. This sucks, I'm busy enough to keep busy but not busy enough to be distracting. I wish I'd packed a snack. Guess I'll eat lunch early.

Go to eat lunch early...  what's this in the lunch bag, shit, I DID pack a snack.

Ate lunch, just now finished the snack.

And instead of getting another coffee I made a pot of ancient terrible stale decaf. With a tiny bit of normal coffee in it. Because maybe it is just mental right? Fox said just use decaf. Well here I am. decafing it.

So you got plans for Coffeeneuring? no? DId i spell it worng? uyip[

my fingerst got misreferenced there fuck it i give up maybe leave it all uncorected and see how it sorts out and ifi make delibeate or accidental mistakes.

A mix of each there.

Saw this: https://wandrer.earth/dashboard not sure how many unique roads I hit, lower than normal, esp since most of my riding is on a very unique and remarkable bike path, but repeatedly twice daily and this web page probably isn't going to get me to change habits too much. But hmm, there are variations to getting to and from the bike path on this end. Maybe this is worth it. Also combining with the Coffee thing.

Says it can take days to catch up - guessing with my volume it probably will.

Better today? Perhaps. Got here this morning, tab for Hassell's Garage was still open. Just seeing it gave me a minor anxiety attack. Finally called during a break between stuff and simple, easy. Next week.

Checking it off the list. Moving forward. Feel better? Not really. The relief of checking that box off is heavily mixed with the shame and recognition of how easy it was to do and anger at myself for taking so long to be able to do it. Can't win for trying, can't win for actually doing it. Man I'm a mess.

got the final version of the symposium announcement together and started distributing.

and found a major tweak - too late because I didn't see it yesterday when I looked at it.

ugh

the sunset last night was pretty fucking awesome - IG and Twitter have some good shit.

End of the bike commute and mother nature being kind of perfect. pic.twitter.com/jJuUV37LJd

— GeWilli (@Ge_Willi) October 8, 2019

turn up the sound (may have to click the link - so much for embedding? i dunno how to do this web page thing (file also under why I pay for hosting but then just use Blogger)

Might just do one race this weekend. May go spectate at the kid's event on Sunday.

Tonight is the last night for the 1PVD training race and i'm not going.

well shit - snack not big enough...  but hey being hungry is good, right?

raining - we need the rain, maybe Mansifield will be muddy, maybe i'll actually use the mud tires.

brain jumping all over

should just pull the plug and leave early - leaving has been getting later and later lately. (on both ends, hmm)... 

sometimes i want to put something together here that is good. write something deep, well crafted and well thought out.

ain't gonna be today - ain't gonna be for a while i'm guessing.

no surprise, fortunately web logging is dead and who are you? the ones reading this anyway?

Okay - holy fucking shit - Matt Simpson, yeah yogurt boy just liked that tweet. WHAT THE

this is a disaster... predictably. this being the writing ... also me... oops

keep going right? one foot in front of the other? yup... 

at least i'm editing here - writing and deleting stuff - maybe i shouldn't but writing it and deleting it is safer and better than leaving it up for who knows who to read.

i'll sign off for now
heddwch
G

burn out?

part of the burnout is the near constant recipient of people's woes, problems, issues, challenges, struggles.

was thinking about this - i'm not good at small social interactions. wanna talk bikes? i can do that, microscopes? yeah that too, other stuff? nope - can't, right now even listening/reading has been full up and turned off. batteries are dead and no chance to recharge the heatsink for all that stuff.

CPU is overclocked and overheating

that's probably the better way to look at it, sure, best way to fix it is to turn it off and let it cool down and the processing stop for a while.

can't do that.

so what happens? can run baseline critical stuff, but bump above that at all and shit gets bad, not terminal there's a decent self protect from totally burning up in flames and that's just the inability to do more.

Riding it this morning was full of to much thinking. Why can't I figure out the motivation to train, to do anything beyond the commute? Has my desire to ride gone away? No. I still really do love the whole cyclocross thing but am I at the point where i just can't/shouldn't? Walk away? move on?

Say good bye?

Just contemplating that hurts. What is the other answer? hire a coach? get a power meter? put on what bike? To be honest I don't have anything worthy of going hard/doing intervals on. I suppose the Blue would work. But PM would have to be something other than crank based. I dunno.

Drifting...  rode in w/o rain gear, in street clothes, in 58 degree weather. Shorts and short sleeves. Missed the rain but dunno what tonight will be like.

Made it as far as opening the page/phone number for the garage. I've got this legit physical/mental block/struggle with the phone. Like, just, can't, call. And so i don't. and here we are.

But one foot infront of the other, keep moving. Maybe I can find a few days soon to turn things off and reset. If i don't do that before the end of the month I'll lose two more days off. But I'd rather take them to reset and not deal with impending life shit like house/car/stuff.

Back at it - this set me back a few minutes, but I guess letting lunch settle for a few minutes before running around some more isn't the worst thing.

heddwch
G

Night Weasels

The 10th edition of night weasels at Ski Ward. 

First one not on a Wednesday night. 

Second one I've attended.

First time I cut the tire on the tubeless set up on the geared bike (mud tires). Back up bike (with Limus tubulars) was the Croll. A tank, and set up as single speed in the 46x17. 

Also that was the time that COLIN mr resultsboy founder of Crossresults started the Cat 3/4 race in Alphabetical order. Me and Craig Vettori hanging out in the back. I actually had decent points then. 

So yeah back row start up to top ten, passing and passing and then no air - get pit bike - i don't remember, maybe I wrote about it, but going from flat to going to the pit and getting the other bike. Well that didn't really go well. I think there was less climbing in that edition than this years though. Or I was 20 pounds lighter and still much closer to the 2013 fitness. And fired up with all that beer drinking bravado.

I got lapped, I had fun but was kind of a shit show. Picking up JLS at the station and driving him out there was fun too. Added a bit of good social side connection stuff.

This year. 

It had a real singlespeed event and Chip decided that it should be part of the series. Sounds great.

I haven't touched the CX bike since Midnight ride. Another former wed night race. It was the one that fucked me up, heat plus not being recovered plus that stupid throwback jersey.

Meanwhile everyone else was building a special bike or digging through the parts bins and putting as light of a gear as they could on the bike. or they were zip-tieing. I have a nasty grudge against the zip-tie advantage now. If I could I would have just done that, but now that i've been on a dedicated SSCX rig for a couple years I can't imagine doing the zip tie and now understand the non NECX ridicule of that practice. I've suggest the intro to SSCX punch card. You get 5 punches with zip-tie before you have to start with one cog in the back and one chainring and no derailleurs. Chain tensioner ok. KB decided to leave his SSCX bike in the car and race his geared bike zip tied. But he dropped a chain, took a while to fix it then gave up and went home. He might have been smart, his SSCX gearing wasn't much easier than mine and mine was aweful.

I did a couple pre-ride laps, i could ride but not fast. It hurt like a sonofabitch. I was stuck. I don't have back up cogs/chains ready to go. I have one gear. it was way too tall. Too hard. Which when you're trying to climb and race is a bad thing. Could I ride? Yeah, i was fucking slow though. And it hurt.

I got lapped, I got slower and slower each lap. I fucked up the corners a bit, couldn't quite find the line or the confidence. The tires actually held surprisingly well, but I was not feeling up to the task of finding their limit. And the two sections where the taller gear was helpful wasn't helpful. 

And I was starting to get sick. And as rested as I tried to be I wasn't totally recovered.

But my legs felt much better. I could pedal. Not fast. But shit, I am not a hill climber. Was it fun? Yeah. I'm glad I went. But I was completely useless on Sunday. Like barely functional. Mentally and physically. 

A bit better today, but still not quite there. Part of me wonders if something is wrong, the other part just says "hey dumbass you need a restful vacation." Partly starting to burn out here at work, and that's burning me out everywhere. And still missing that extrinsic muse level inspiration.

I probably should have been eating lunch instead of writing. 

Also really feel like I need more coffee,  but I didn't bring any with me, so I'm going to try and struggle through the afternoon. 

car struggles happening, Van's wheel bearings are getting worse and I'm totally stressing about trying to figure out when I can get it to the shop. And then there's the whole maybe I don't have to head to the place that told, maybe a closer shop can do the work and the complexity level can be decreased. And of course the demands are from someone else but i have to deal with it. And the volvo's steering was wonky on Saturday so the drive to the venue was fraught with anxiety. So yeah. Things are actually pretty good but I can't seem to manage to escape from certain anxiety triggers or complications. Almost feels easier just to try and change the fucking thing myself. And while it might be easy I haven't done this before and don't have some of the heavy duty tools needed for this car.

Ugh.

but you know I guess these are not the worst problems to have...  just can't deal with it...  but i don't have much choice... 

gotta shift back into crazy high gear, was nice sitting down for a second

heddwch

G

more throwback

But first this - I posted it other places, saw it on Twitter and well you've probably ready it already, but it is good (if you can suspend the notion of privilege at being able to retire at my age, travel all over the world at the drop of a hat and do cool shit). Perhaps we can't all do this level of cool shit but, the stoke from the Coast to Coast and Freetown 50 are mine and that's where the following statement came from:

this resonates quite a bit... and it is true... and I think i need to do some more Marathon Mt bike riding:

https://cyclingtips.com/2019/10/my-year-of-riding-everything-a-lesson-in-self-discovery-and-fun/

Fast forward to this morning's open tabs.

This caught my eye over at BikePortland:
https://bikeportland.org/2019/10/03/united-bicycle-institute-is-leaving-portland-305608

In june 1990 i drove myself after an all night graduation party to Ashland. I got pulled over on the way there. Had a can of coke on the dashboard, wasn't staying between the lines because I was looking at the map and trying to do math in my head for how much longer of a drive it was going to be. Oregon state trooper was nice and told me some sort of fatherly advice kind of stuff and sent me on my way.

over 29 years after hanging out in Ashland on the top floor of a two floor commercial building with the 'dorm' we stayed in a few doors down from the school I'm still using lots of the knowledge and skills accumulated that session from Ron Sutphin.

One a different tack, https://pvcycling.wordpress.com/
Seth there has been knocking it out of the park for a while.

Very good shit.

I've been posting a bunch of no handed vidoes and stuff on IG stories lately. last night's feed post was this

Yup...

riding no handed - taking a photo no handed even!

MAGIC - yes I used my phone. And yes I is a trick I learned from Todd P. Turn on self timer, hold phone with teeth, click and pose and wait and TA DA magic.

That ties in pretty well with Seth's web log post up there now.

--- so if podcasts are your thing and pedaling and exercise and understanding how shit works is also your thing head over and give the lastest Emperical Cycling episode a listen. They even bring up microscopes. Lots of good primary literature as well as great discussion.

Racing Night Weasels tomorrow. Singlespeed. Hoping for mud. don't think we're gonna get it. We'll see.

Okay - coffee break is over. back to the whirlwind insanity.

heddwch
G

speaking of memories

A few photos from the Colorado trip exactly 2 years ago...

memories and remembering

Way back in '14 life changed quite a bit.

Many reasons, many changes. An attempt to reboot and recover. From external and emotional injuries. With the blown bursa and recovery that led me to reform the pedal stroke and invent custom do it yourself insoles came not the power I wanted but the time off the bike set me back too far I suppose, an unrecoverable amount. But then it was also the beginning of the really non-stop drinking, the beginning of what might have been the end if not for the current new new.

More to the point though one of the biggest changes was moving my Dad out of his house in MD where I spent summers growing up in and many mid-year holidays at while in college and beyond. He and my then step mother were pulling up and moving full time to Colorado. To his place out there. He'd used it as a summer home base for the art shows he would go around to with his gords and weaving and art. It is what he did, what kind of defined his post retirement life.

The drive out was well documented, perhaps mostly on other social medias. He was already slowing down and had a slight tremor but was fully functional and in control but not quite his old self.

The town he moved to probably couldn't have been much more remote, and that was absolutely on purpose. It had a community, one he fit in with well. Mountain men, hunters, artists, tough souls right where they want to be. It wasn't a young town. But it definitely was his place. He won the Hollyhock contest year after year with his meticulous cultivation and variety in front of his place.

But that remoteness probably contributed significantly to his more accelerated decline. I only went back out once more before he left. My brothers went out and packed him off to Kingston WA last august (2018). Too far form the high end medical care he needed, the local stuff wasn't equipped for more complicated issues, so much so that his condition was mis-diagnosed and the drugs made it worse.

Once he left suddenly trips to the in-laws were just that. it meant not having to drive an hour + around the beltway, but it also meant not seeing him at the normal holiday times. it meant not going in Saturday to hang out with him at his table at the Alexandria Farmer's Market.

The San Luis valley is amazing. I'm glad I got to go back. I'm glad I endured the taunting of my brothers for taking so many damn pictures. Because I have the photos, not just memories. Photos of specific lines of mountains from a specific place. Sure I remember the drive in, how it looks. But pulling up one of the photos unlocks memories more vividly.

Soak in the beauty around you. Don't take pictures of everything some people say. And yes, perhaps I agree there is something to just being there, the pressure and reliance on just being there in the moment. But don't deny that having a visual cue, a snapshot, no matter how blurry, or crooked is a treasure not to be taken lightly.

The IG shots of the sunset on my bike path, for me when I look at my feed, it takes me immediately back there. I'm not just looking at the picture, I'm recalling everything about taking the photo most of the time. Over time though the memories blend, and perhaps I won't remember that one specifically but the merging and combination of similar memories all together.

When Gregory Alan Isakov's song San Luis pops up on a youtube video playlist, and even now on a Pandora playlist... the views and melody brings me back to the couple times I was in the high mountains of colorado. And the vanagon of course is a childhood icon, road trips upon road trips.



some memories get lost, and only found when you rewatch something like Pure Sweet Hell. And you listen to Mike F utter his perfectly crafted phrases, or Pineapple Bob ramble on drunkenly about DFL... and you're reminded of the good times.

And for the briefest flash, you have to recognize that you got one particular current pro into this crazy sport and that should be a bright spot. And maybe it could be some day. It will be.

I'm not the hero in my own story, I'm not a hero in anyones story. Kent's post about Sven's book, and one of the quotes about novels and why we should read them resonates a bit. Remember life is a journey. Being a guide is pretty selfless. And calling yourself one feels uncomfortable but sometimes taking a set back and recognizing those who've guided you here, and those you've helped along the way isn't the worst thing. To find out much later how big of an impact you had on students, the quiet students who I'd never suspect.

There are daily reminders to be kind, helpful and selfless. In both positive and negative...

I've got to remember what it really hooked me and made Mike's phrases resonate so deeply...

But I also need to make sure I hit the marks that Mayhew talks about. Racing tired is not fun. I mean it is better than not racing but triggers a bunch of bad shit. What does that mean? It means resting. Being fresh. Something I've been struggling with. A. Lot.

I rode hard in this morning. Made my legs hurt, pushed that big heavy slow singlespeed as hard as I could. paused for a bit then pushed it again. Might do something on the way home in the rain but then I might actually not do much else until the race. I did a ton of work on the bike on Sunday, and felt reasonably recovered by yesterday, the effort this morning felt good, not forced, not slow, there were some watts being made. It is a process. I have to remember to hit the marks, i have to be deliberate.

heddwch
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Pure Sweet Hell is on Vimeo

Once you race cross it is hard not to...

Pure Sweet Hell from (((vernor))) on Vimeo.

This is the film.

Have you seen it before? No? Then watch it. Sure it isn't a short little thing, but it is good, the stars and the icons in the film are from the previous era and it was arguably different then, but the essence hasn't changed much, most of the people involved are still involved. The sport has changed. We have Crossresults now. There's official categories now.

But.

It is still cyclocross.

I just wish it wasn't so damn hot.

Weather should be much better for saturday. But single speed CX on the side of a ski hill, yeah could be the best/worst idea ever. Might be wet. Might be time to try the grippy tires.

Been a bit nutty today.

But legs didn't feel terribly this morning. Rode the singlespeed. But I also had a tailwind. Perhaps those are related.

Not sure about tomorrow - perhaps I'll drive and head to the CX training race. Not sure. Perhaps I'll just try and do my own workout. maybe it is time to put the trainer bike back on the trainer, pedals, where am I going to steal pedals from for that...  hmm.

Check out https://chasingmailboxes.com/2019/09/22/coffeeneuring-challenge-starts-october-11-2019/

Maybe that's a good separate not bike race challenge to strive for.

Figures though - i sit down to write and boom all hell breaks loose today. Fun times.

heddwch
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All the rocks

Squelch the anxiety by ticking things off the list, aka actually doing them.

Some are not in your own control. Like the gd garbage disposal.

But with a weekend of no racing and a really shitty outlook going into it on Friday, well, yeah action items.

Buy spark plugs for the van. Dug out the old ones (keeping busted/used shit is good sometimes) ordered the exact same ones that came out from Advance, used the online coupon and yeah probably should have bought these in the beginning but the previous plugs were cheap and should have worked.

Order placed, made another coffee. Drove to the appliance place, it was busy - one of the hire ups on the chain came out to help, I explained how long I had waited and that I have time this weekend to get it done and if it isn't here I'd like to cancel the order and get my money back so I can move on. Turns out "it came in yesterday." Uh huh. Well they had it and I walked out with it. Check that off the list.

Swung by the shop, said hey. No pressing builds, besides larry was there and while he's slow and easily distracted and not perfect he's not the worst, and could build one if needed.

Picked up the plugs.

Headed home.

Changed the plugs.

Car started no problem.

Nice. Phew. Weight off.

New disposal follows the current code. All kitchen appliances now must be plugged in. I guess having plumbers do wiring wasn't a good thing. And yeah the old one was hardwired. Damnit should have gotten a box while I was out.

Well I wasn't going to test drive the van but hey guess what, test drive to Lowes.

Get $4 in parts. Van seemed to start better, ran smoother. So that's good right?

Wired up the junction box, hooked the new disposal up.

Action item number 2 done.

Watched MI something or other with E while eating dinner, pizza, i was tired and they wanted pizza and that works for me, not much to cook anyway, I didn't do the shopping.

Made plans with Syl and Steve and Fred to ride Big River sunday.

Got up later than planned and wound up getting there a bit late for the ride.

Didn't eat much but ate something. Two bottles of Skratch was not quite enough for the 3.5 hours elapsed time. And I think I might have been more tired after that much time in Big River than I was doing the Freetown 50. Hands def more wrecked.

I am not as fast as smooth as those three but I held my own and was able to ride most everything. I walked one really tough section I'd never seen before but rode pretty smoothly in another super technical one.

And then after that I went shopping. Grocery shopping with muddy shins. Different level of fatigue.

Went home and actually watched some football for the first time this year. Then worked on food.

Sleeping fitfully lately was feeling pretty good this morning but by the end of the first traininig session on the scopes the fatigue has caught up. Or I'm slowing down.

Mt biking is fun, and these long sessions are kicking my butt in a good way. I feel sore all over but back and the rest is feeling great. No issues. Grip strength was pretty much zero yesterday, hands are tired.

Well... not too much left on the long lingering list. Just the P0420 code on the volvo to deal with.

And somehow get enough recovery to go have fun at Night Weasels on Saturday.

Better eat lunch before the 1pm training session starts, gonna need some energy.

heddwch
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aggregate

brought it up before, but aggregation is a thing, often interesting to come across something somewhere and the see it pop up totally different place a few days later shared by someone else.

Even when I didn't share it here.

That knitting project.

This robot film may not make other highlight reels or aggregate somewhere else but it was time well spent. I suppose. Perhaps not but, I'm relishing that uninterrupted stretch of time.

Rust in Peace from Will Welles on Vimeo.
Savoring the moments being left alone. The machines working as they are supposed to, not complicating their users progress, not confounding them to the point of needing my intervention.

That's the nature of support, no? Best to be there, good not to be needed but critical to be there when you are.

listening more to Frank Turner

this week at least....

I Am Disappeared  just played...

Drove the van today. Time to start addressing the problem I've been not making a highest priority until this week. Called on Tuesday, driving it down to have the pros take a look at it.

Open all tabs has been dry this week. Blogs really are dead. Me and Stevil?
Not many, if any others. At least he has a compelling story and a timeline and something that is happening that most of us our age aren't doing. Driving around in your car riding bikes, making art, connecting and searching.

The news is dramatic, many are stoked at the start of the process, I don't know, it should have happened a long time ago, happy it is happening at all but end game is pretty fucking dire. There's a pathway to dismantle the whole fucking mess, but what a fucking mess.

Slap some music on the wall

Just realized the connection between music and the stimulation for writing.. had meant to start a holy shit what is going on post, but decided to hit the open tabs and cycle through the web pages between emails and scheduling.

hit this set of mashups - actually the first one before this but i like this one a little better, both good - find the other one if you want

but

that music thing, an invitation to play, to jam... also to ride bikes, in the woods...

Recovery how does it work

Life stress + commuting + racing is a tough balance.

Working two jobs also stress - the stress of one being flexible but occasionally really demanding and the other fitting in when it can but then always stressing about trying to make sure to fit enough in of #2 to keep it steady. Failed on that this week.

Failed to recover this week. Wed night was probably a bad idea. It was fun, but probably a really bad idea.

The heat yesterday was the final crushing blow. I'm usually pretty good in the heat, but i wore a throwback jersey (bad idea early 90s coolmax even white is not very cool) and it was blazing sun and some people's GPS were saying 100°F in the sun.

I got some decent course preview in, opened up the legs a bit, felt not terrible on the warm up. Food prep was good, hydration was good, so good that I had to bounce in my seat in the car in the stop and go traffic for the 10 min it took me to get from bolton orchards to the venue. Too hot to pre-ride in the orange jumpsuit, way too hot, bad sign. Chatted with folks, put a hold on two things of #Pastryweight ice cream, got my number pinned on, chatted with Keith B about rowing, again, he forgot about the last time we did, probably was MRC last year.

Lined up, 10 min in the grid, in the baking sun before we started. Normally zoom, I can start really well. Usually WAY too well, aka wind up in the I don't belong here section, ride there, blow up, recover, finish.

Yesterday I had my worst start kind of almost ever. I was giving it everything but it was well short of normal. Strange. Should have figured something was off at that moment, but I just pedaled as hard as I could. But the normal slow starters were already way in front of me, I put together a decent first lap, not a good one, but not the worst, then tried to keep that going for the second but it became too much, stomach started feeling queasy (my stomach never feels like it wants to hurl, this was a first) couldn't get legs going fast enough to get lungs engaged and while i forgot the HR strap again, i think my HR was depressed, never got that high. I even raced with a bottle, half a bottle of water, took a sip to rinse the dust and clear the junk in my mouth once a lap.

I wasn't the only one having problems with the heat but man it wrecked me. Took that throwback jersey off and found a spot in the shade with a very light breeze and started to cool down. The sun was pretty intense.

My legs felt like i put in a fantastic effort, like they worked really hard, but results were abysmal. I did stay on the lead lap, thanks to a long lap. The course was fun, Gary and John did a great job promoting, Jake's ice cream was awesome, had some apple crisp after I changed. Gary gave me a pound of coffee beans for having the oldest kit, and then a half gallon of cider (he got them for podium prizes but they forgot to give them out for most of the races), so not terrible.

Chatted with Aumiller for a long time, also Cole, and Gary, and Kieth and LarryP, lesli too.

But I was off - took a long time before I started feeling functional again.

Recovery? What's that. Harris just said, don't ride your bike. Rest. But the commute, e-bike FTW. I need more recovery than I'm getting I think, can't go as hard as I need to because I'm too tired and carrying too much fatigue.

Story of my life eh?

E got up to go guide this morning, I begrudgingly woke up, but pretty soon fell back asleep with two dogs in bed with me, didn't wake up until she got back at 11:30am.

I had thought maybe I'll do the grocery shopping in the morning then get to the shop by noon and work till 5 come home make dinner and....  here I am, only on my second cup of coffee at 1:30pm. That plan is out the window. New plan.

New plan? New plan is to start by stopping off at the PVD location, figured out why I was asked to do stuff up there, DiPinto has been relocated up there for the winter. I also found out that Dereck Fish killed himself thursday night in Arcadia. He was found Friday morning. I didn't know him very well, but connected with and liked him. Now he's gone. A rough cap to the week, So PVD location, grocery shopping, stop in to EP on the way home maybe, but I need to recover. Building bikes, working in the shop, I def enjoy but it isn't recovery.

I'm not living much like an athlete, heck got home, unloaded the car, then went to pick up the kid after her dance. Only was able to get into the shower to get the dust off at 10:30pm last night.

As hard as I tried, I was unsuccessful at keeping a day open this coming week. Sept may be the month I lose vacation days.  October is almost here, the seasons are rolling through, the days ticking by...

What's the next race? Dunno, will see. Maybe I need a weekend off. I'm very happy not to be racing today, but feeling a little stress at not working, trying to tell myself it is okay to do what I need every once in a while. I need a day off. Racing is a day for me but it isn't a day off. Working isn't a day off...  Haven't had one in a long time.

Rambling I suppose, should finish coffee, decide if i want another cup and then head out and restock the fridge.

My whole body is tired, it makes sense, singlespeed is a full body thing. But I need to listen a bit more, need to not feel this way, need to figure out how to recover. I had two invites to go MTB'n today, it was tempting and as much fun as it would have been, it would have double wrecked me.

I feel good about the new plan for today, just kind of need a few more like it. I suppose it would be different if I came home everyday to someone else making dinner, and i could just relax...  but nope. As Steph always used to say "The choices you made..."

and here we are...

here I am...

I'm glad I lined up and finished the race yesterday, I'm feeling good about today so far, I wonder if i can get everything done and back here before the World Cup, thinking not so much. But maybe it is better if I don't watch them race.

heddwch
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musical interlude

here ya go... something different for a friday afternoon



Had a grad student stop by my office distraught.

Has tweaked the afternoon a bit cloudy, abuse of power, manipulation to set someone out to fail.

tough spot - listening but not being in a position to do more than support the person.

was going to leave early but haven't had a break until now, and now i'm tired.

shop wants me to go to the other location that's a bit out of the way, not sure about that, had plans to head up to one and then the other on the way home - thinking maybe not...

Had a long talk with my mother and my brother driving last night. Left with lots to think about.

racing bikes tomorrow though...  busy day - but not physically exhausting.

If the legs aren't there tomorrow, it doesn't really matter. Will be fun to see what happens, to race, to be there, to finish where I belong. To be comfortable with as fast as I am, to be happy. Because it is fun, maybe not as fun as Freetown 50, but it might be, it is a different kind of fun anyway.

Well shit - 40 min meeting later and here I am. still here. not for long though.

well fuck it is now 5pm

have a good friday night mofos

heddwch
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short but on point

I think Nolan gets it right.

odd being the one power washing mud off her bike and then herself at NBX, it was a strange request to be asked to powerwash a petit powerhouse from california btw.

but this is pretty f'n cool: https://www.cxmagazine.com/rider-diary-caroline-nolan-2019-jingle-cross-world-cup

privateers are the sport in the US, but her words, esp a couple feel like I've said them, because i have.

She was solo, but not alone.

Tired today - scheduled totally fucked up and tossed and jumbled.

another thing that caught me was Suds IG post about google dictating what we read rather than going out and finding what we want to read ourselves.

Things like this? Shared by a friend, and I read it.

I don't search for things to read, I don't go to an aggregate for a source. But then that is what FB and Twitter and IG are, aggregates, friends/people I know. So maybe I don't search but maybe influenced by how others find it. And then there's my patented open all taps in a folder.

Time for lunch - if people stop breaking scopes. took forever to write this.
heddwch
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