And it is over

All done, season #41 is in the books for me. There's some IG content up stories mostly...  i'm wrecked but feeling better than I did at the seattle show...  I've managed to let the preoccupation of what i have to deal with slip out of my mind.

Watching CX nats was a good distraction, managed to catch the live stream of the women's race between unloading and sound check at Mt Vernon.

Only three shows, seems kind of a short visit. Marshall already left and reported that the airport was full of bikes being loaded on to planes.

Wonder who is on his flight. But then again maybe no one I know. Still at odds with the whole balance of it all. Questions like "what are you doing for new year's? are you going to friends houses kind of traddition?" yeah guess that's sort of it, i don't have friends. And that's just how it is I guess. I know lots of people, but how many friends do i have? That's a good question.

Not sure how to approach the whole next week, still running through how to make January work. The talk among my brothers is a return trip in January. I did see my dad for about 15 min on Sunday, maybe the timing will work and I can come back out before classes make everything crazy.

I'm not looking forward to the red-eye tonight. Not at all. But it will be good to get back into the old routine, or at least somewhat normal sleep and food schedule. I could def use a decent meal. Last night was nice but Morgan and S cook simple food w/o sauce, although there's something fun about having a bit of smoked chicken that they raised and then some of the brussels sprouts from their garden and carrots and parsnips also from it. 

Borderline sick, of course, just on the edge. Hopefully I can recover once I'm back.

Amor Fati.

Work in progress...

Might try and make it to the beach before leaving.

Hoping this red-eye is better than the one in march, can't be worse than the catastrophe of the one in '13...

heddwch
g

another/annual yuletide interlude

back on the ferry…  

was brushing my teeth this morning and I had a clarification… I want a vacation, one that is something that isn’t burdened by others, time to just sleep, read, ride a bike, not worry about doing anything, just relaxing.

There was another thing, and I can’t fucking remember and it was pretty close to as big of a holy shit that’s accurate…

how rarely have i been able to say concretely something off what I want…

and now I can’t keep writing because the ferry is docking.

maybe more later

And as we were driving away in the insane Seattle traffic trying to figure out where we going because the Ferry schedule doesn’t mesh well with getting into the venue (in the venue now).

I want a car that I don’t have to think/worry about.

two things… pretty simple, but loaded with guilt because they are selfish…

yeah the car is still hanging over my head, even from here, even in the midst of all this.

i wrote four words earlier today - after the tooth brushing realization…

Strangeness…  Lost?

Confusion… Sadness?

Yuletide is insane, as always. And even with K here it is even more alone/isolated. Kind of the not sure why I’m bothering. Very much close to the whats the point, but there is a point and it makes sense it just doesn’t feel like it now and I’m obviously not in great headspace. Taking a few selfish minutes to sit and drink coffee and not do anything but write. “What are you doing Geoffrey?” “nothing” “Is it related to Yuletide?” “no” “Why not there’s lots to do.” 

So yeah - guess I’d better get off my ass before everyone keeps yelling at me.

I’m trying to say “Thank you for your patience with me.” Instead of “sorry for seeming so unhelpful.” or something - the mental tweak - even when i’m not feeling awesome - from appologizing to appreciating.

So, let me tell you about

what happened on the way to the PacNW.

If you've been following along, well, there was the NBX GP CX over the weekend, and then the non-alcoholic hangover. In the haze of which I totally missed calling my dad on his 81st birthday, but then he didn't call me on mine and we're both pretty indifferent about them. And shit at work went crazy, and then I woke up early Wed morning after not much sleep. Had taken the violin to work on Tuesday so I could ride in with the travel stuff. Flying to Seattle for the concerts out of Boston and needing to get the train before I could get a ride, so bike is at office. 

Got there - changed a bulb in the ultramicrotome and walked to the train station. Backpack and violin. Damn my foot hurt.

Cued up an audio book, sat on the train, put the violin in the luggage rack above the seat and made a mental note not to forget it. I was getting off on Back Bay to get the Logan Express bus to the airport. Got off at Back Bay, wandered around looking for the bus, couldn't find it or signs for it. 

And then I realized I was missing something.

I left my violin in the overhead luggage rack on the train.

It was the start of rush hour in Back Bay and I was completely leveled. Fuck. Oh. Fuck. 

MTBA desk pointed me to a guy in a purple vest, he was extremely helpful, got me pointed to the T to get to South station to hopefully meet up with it there, maybe they conductors had taken it to lost and found or I can at least file the claim and all that). 

Well he swipes me into the orange line, I head down, get on going to Oak something, get off at Downtown Crossing, head over to the Red line and get on the Ashmont train (packed train), get off at south station. call the lost and found number, the nice lady says to talk to the info booth by the women's restroom, I run up there, he was completely unhelpful and suggest I talk to the lost and found, i head over there and the women says "did you just call?" yes, I explained I was hoping to find the train and figure out if I could get it before flying out. She wasn't sure where the train had gone. After a bit and taking my name and number she directed me to track 5, talk to the conductor and go ahead and look.

Ran there - train was leaving soon and filling up. Conductor said, go ahead and look, but the configuration looked wrong, she said, 'well i brought this from the yard empty, probably not on here' she didn't know what happened to the train from Providence but she told me to talk to the Station Master, the mirror glass room over in the corner. I run over there.

South station train rail is covered in salt and sand and packed with people, aka big Gronk size dude with a backpack sprinting around ain't a big deal, right? 

Eventually the guy opens the side window and says "this isn't info" I explain what happened " I got offo at back bay w/o my violin, need it to fly to seattle in less than 2 hours, is train 824 from PVD still in the station, if not where and what do I do." He goes and checks the computer monitor and stuff, comes back...

"Track 6, leaves in 15 min, that should be the train." I run back, I found the car combo, I was in a double in front of a single car, and found it. The conductor for this train was ambivalent, but it was there, the violin was motherfucking THERE

This all elapsed over 45-50 min. 

But that was A LOT of running/sprinting, massive panic, phone dying, texting kid (kid was SUPER helpful - aka boston native almost after college w/o car in BOS) and finally I made it to the Silver Line... and took a breath.

Got on the SL1, headed to B2, Lost and Found ticket lady called me back, checked in, i explain and thanked her profusely. 

Got to the airport, found the security line - noticed i was approaching the priority/pre-screened line and then the TSA lady said - just get in line here - it isn't busy. Made it through security but I had to put the violin on one x-ray and the other stuff in the other line and kept asking the TSA agents to remind me to get both things...

and I got it, got some food, got to the gate...  ate...  and got on the plane. 

Way in the back, economy boarding, lucky to find one overhead bin with space for the violin, got to the seats, K and I were in the middle and window. Doors close, taxi starting and Flight attendant said K could move over if they wanted. The ONLY empty seat on the whole plane was our row. 

Headwinds meant we flew way north and got in a bit late but we managed it, got off the flight, my brother picked us up and made it to Olalla just after Midnight.

Total fucking panic that ended up alright in the end.

My brother asked our mother if I had told her about leaving my violin on the train (without giving away the ending) and she went into a massive panic. Flashbacks from my sister left her violin all over the place. So I had to tell her the story twice, once to get to the point to say I had it, then the second time so she could listen to the actual story.

Woke up this morning with a big weight off my shoulder. 

Tired, exhausted, Almost just made coffee and went back to sleep, but got up.

Lots to do, nearly non-stop till heading to the airport on Monday night. 

But had to share the story of me almost losing my violin. 

while putting my feet up for two seconds (the bruised mid-foot got extra fucked up running all over Back Bay and South Station). 

So if you are out here for CXNats - buy tickets to the Tacoma show, support the arts and come see me on stage and say hi before you leave, even if you leave at intermission.

#ornot

I watched the course preview video - so glad I'm not racing there, drap race, all pedaling, nothing technical, okay the downhill chute looks sketchy but not bad.

okay - back to the crazy

heddwch

G

read something else

Something that someone hopefully got paid to write...  it is good...

https://cyclingtips.com/2019/12/the-lost-and-the-saved/

but as much as I completely subscribe to that - it can also be extremely isolating when you're not there, or when you're there and you know as soon as you leave, you're alone again. Riding or driving home from the race or the group ride alone.

But it is very good while it is going on but sometimes as the observer, the watcher, the one who sees more than they should, it is very much a knife without a handle. There's no safe consistent way to use it, you're going to get cut...

the only other writing I found to read in the open tabs is this:
https://pvcycling.wordpress.com/

i got caught up there - but couldn't deal with the fake news post - too much inside stuff?

seeing Seth and those on the twitters talk about training. seeing people post and then talk about recovery times. Like at the start line, "this is telling me I need 49 hours of recovery"

do i need to start using all those metrics? probably not.
am i aware of them more than i should for someone who doesn't? yeah story of my life.

But that's all good. It is good.

KF gave me a good old Mennen Skin Bracer slap up side the head in an email after he read the last post. So, yeah I'll keep pushing and plugging along.

Violin is just out of tune, the bow needs to be re-haired but it doesn't look like it needs it (from a distance). Bridge hasn't fallen off. I'll let Brittany tweak the angle of it after it gets pulled around from tuning it back up.

Hey at least I managed to eat lunch before 3pm today. Granted I was ready to eat it at 10 and waited.

Little things...

heddwch
G

another hollow one

huh?

Well, when you live in the smallest state in the country, and are the only one in your age group to start the race that is designated as the state championship, well, all you have to do is finish to 'win'

sort of like the Freetown 50. All I had to do to win was finish.

The lowest of bars set. Sure there's always a DNF or a DNS and I beat all those people. I haven't dug through the stats, or looked to see if it is still possible to do so. Used to be able to see who is registered to race in the state by age group and ranking and all that. Don't care enough to find out how many more people are in my 5 year age group.

Probably it is only me that feels worse for "winning" ... 44th/48 both days doesn't seem like winning. Consistent. Both days racing the Singlespeed in the geared bike race. Feeling frustrated that I'm sucking so much but it was fun racing, even if I wasn't anywhere near where I feel I could be. And having the UCI juniors start almost 2 minutes before us on the same course is pretty close to assured getting lapped. More of the 40+ guys lapped me on Sunday than Saturday.

pile it all on

ticking things off the list- in a major tsunami of productivity I managed to get just about all of what I needed to get done that has been bugging me..  even called the garage to schedule the inspection for Friday morning after dropping the kid off at school.

I know what time to show up at Goddard Park on Thursday to set everything up. Hoping the ground will be thawed out enough to put stakes in, both wooden ones and step ones. Cleared a huge backlog of emails off.

There's still a pile of forms to fill out to get quotes for the Win 7-10 transition for all the various Zeiss systems. It is a 4 page very detailed system report. Will take a while - no time today for that.

Riding home last night was made 'fun' with the headlight that decided to stop working. Bontrager let me down. It was late and the Planet Bike Blaze I have didn't fit well on the big fat bar (34.8) so I didn't put it on last night. I should have. At least there was some good contrast on the ground in the dark with all the snow. And the places that weren't snow were probably ice and not seeing that it was ice was good because I didn't crash.

Rode for a very long time in a quad track, you'd think I'd be fine with a bridge that is 3-4 times wider, but nope #mental.

Rode the Stache in again today. Much faster. legs are feeling much more tired. Hoping for a lot of melt. I should have plowed the path yesterday but too busy, and also tired. Long day.

Hoping the bontrager light works but at least I put new batteries in the Planet Bike light and got it mounted to the bars.

Def need to work on the light situation, esp if I'm going to do the whole 24HOGG this summer.

This mid-fat stache is awesome in this stuff. As long as there is some texture to the ice it has pretty solid traction. I haven't put air in the tires since the last ride. Guessing the pressure is just over 10psi, maybe just under. It is soft but not that soft. BUT SO GRIPPY. The ruts I made are a problem, but not nearly the same problem as with the other bikes.

And the frozen footprints are just bumpy not death grip terrifying and teeth rattling. Like legit EASY button on this bike. Slower yes, but the tire width and contact patch and all that make the riding much safer and easier. Hopefully I can get home tonight and still say the same thing.

Looking at the deals on the new phones, well they def did go away. Everything is full price, but who knows perhaps the car is going to require a significant cash injection to pass inspection.

I was going to make some more coffee - then i was going to go upstairs to get some more coffee but I'm going to see if I can hold off...  i don't need any more. I just want more. Discipline. At least I managed to eat lunch today. Sure it was at 2pm but that's better than not eating it at all yesterday.

And I'm supposed to race on Saturday and Sunday. OOF - gonna be tough. Gonna be STUPID cold on Saturday...  sunday might be a bit better but still, it will be exciting. I'd bring the puppies with me but too cold for them to hang out all day.

i even managed to get the artwork submitted.

feeling good about it - the list of stuff not done and the anxiety about the inspection test are still there, but lessened. Almost bearable.

But now I should leave. Should go out and brave the dark, and the cold, and the melted? snow and ice?

till next time

heddwch
G

no lunch

working straight through the day - munched a handful or two of those WF brand Peanut butter filled pretzels. Oh so good. Not quite food though.

had a good ride - slow one - in the snow. That was pretty awesome though. Only nearly wiped out once, on the angled shoulder coming off the bridge on the PVD side, the "curb" on the path is a 30-35 degree angle and well - not much traction and weight and even with the contact patch it was enough to push the front wheel not where it should have gone, but with enough control that i could correct, and not eat shit.

Much more relaxing/safe riding this than the CX or Crossrip bikes. It doesn't' cut to the pavement but on the mediumly packed stuff that's a good thing. And the unpacked denser stuff isn't deep enough to be much more than just slow. We'll see what it is like on the way home.

Also the quad tracks are on part of the path. They are impossible to ride in with the 35-38c tires but deliciously easy with the 3" ones.

Down side is the time- an hour to get in to work. BUT on the bonus side: an hour of pedaling with a bit more effort to start and end the day.

Snow.

Fun stuff - everyone else had a canceled day, not me.

Okay - brief break is done. 5 mins of decompression over. Back to running around.

heddwch
G

blindsided

by one of the most empathetic, intelligent and quietly intense students just now. Enough so that i'm putting off eating lunch to get the emotions out of me. Why? Not sure.

It was just so random but so nice, they were here with their new S.O. their life changed dramatically a while back when the marriage right out of college ended. High school sweethearts that went to the same university drifted apart as one did law school and the other tried to make it work.

Life is a strange path.

They made an observation about my describing the next week or so, they said I say it all with such dread and weight. It is a good point. But I still haven't gotten the car inspected, and may not get that done before I get back from Seattle. And that will have to be okay, won't it. Accept it GeWilli, stop stressing about it. Let that shit go, 'you got this'

And then there's the whole new phone anxiety. Also no need for it to be there, just more me making it bigger than it should. But then deciding what to do is paralyzing. To take advantage of the cyber monday deals of which they seem to be the same as the black friday ones and maybe that means they are just normal deals, but then if I wait until tomorrow and the deal goes away then what. Phone works, but kind of randomly dies somewhere south of 50%, usually around 39 and when activating both processor and other heavy electron use functions. AKA it shuts off and unless I have a power source on hand it is dead. Not the best for functioning. I had the reliance but use it for everything. The pixel 3a and the 4 (not the XLs) are the only two i'm considering. I guess I could look for a 3 or a 2, used/preowned but the cost difference is marginal compared to the 3a and the 4 is so much better. This original one has worked really well. Battery guys won't touch it - OLED screen has to be removed to get to the battery and too much of a risk of breaking it.

So yeah - these things shouldn't occupy my mind, or shouldn't occupy and encumber my emotional state...

and of course I started this almost 6 hours ago.

didn't get anywhere near everything done today, esp in prep for tomorrow's big training day.

But hopefully what I got done was enough, because I couldn't really do anything else.. time to ride home in the dark and i think the snow.

should be fun - even if it might be slow.

heddwch
G

deflated

pretty sure all I've found is industrial waste... anthropogenic source... not cosmic

and pretty sure there's nothing from outer space in all the crap i collected and cleaned and sorted.

And I was petting the dog this morning and the middle of my back is borderline locked up, has been since...  deepest breath and it hurts, dull persistent ache otherwise.

Fun.

I did order a couple of the stardust books to have, maybe something will turn up. Maybe I'll just need to collect more. It isn't unlike looking for cool diatoms I suppose.

But I'm still deflated. gonna try one more imaging session today...

not sure i'll get out of here before the rain - or the dark.

at least I remembered to plug in the headlight. Was down almost empty last night after the long ride home.

Doesn't like to charge very quickly plugged into the computer...

sigh...

gonna go see if i can get excited about some of this magnetic dirt from the roof...

heddwch
G

finally

got on the SEM - did something that was exciting. went to the roof, gathered some stuff - might have found a micrometeorite. Check the Nanoscape instagram (or twitter or tumblr)

will write more later - had 5 min to image before heading off and meeting up with Il Bruce and GG the squirrel. A bit of a blinky ride. doubled the mileage home and had a good chat with them.

was told i'm a real life caricature of my online persona...  i'll take that,

This was good...  the drama this summer because of it not so much.

Sort of hey well yeah no you can't have your GF on the ride but this dude can have his wife and kid follow him in an RV...  film was good, and yeah maybe someday. The route goes past my dad's old place. Sort of. Goes through a place where we went up and cut down beetle kill pine for firewood.


Finished Gideon the Ninth last night. Didn't plan to but it was like a slow building tsunami. could. not. put. it. down...  at the end...

So good. go read it. I'm going to be one of the few at work tomorrow, but that's okay - there's a pile of shit to do and maybe i'll be able to fit in a few imaging sessions and really dial in the conditions for the sample. I really wish I had an ultra sonic cleaner though. And an x-ray detector.

it was a pizza night - i got home late - and just worked on the Nanoscape, then watched this...  now? Might go get in bed... yeah - this early. low coffee, not much sleep, sleep sounds good!

i'm tired - no need to stay up, well besides the rest of the stuff that needs to be done, but nothing NEEDS to be done...

i did sign up for Secret Squirrel so i am racing saturday... 

also if anyone tells me 9/16 is fine for a 14mm or 7/16 is the same as 11 i'm gonna get a bit pissed off. sure - close enough but not for my mechanic ocd

heddwch
G

I'm not a 4am blogger

Like some people are.

I don't have an enormous following like others:

View this post on Instagram

Over 6,000 miles, fifteen states, one Canadian Provence, two rear mountain bike wheels, four tires, one hydraulic brake set, three books, 90 postcards, a half a sketchbook, one 30 year reunion, twenty-two blog posts, five rock shows, one 7:00 pm bed time, one 6:00 am bed time, one set of bike shoes, one set of skate shoes, dozens of old friends, bunches of new ones, one absolutely soul crushing two week long anxiety attack, three night terrors, one tarot card reading, one energy reading, thousands of laughs, lots of tears, hundreds of beers, two bottles of bourbon, more love and support than any single person could ever hope for, and one hundred and sixty seven days.

A post shared by Stevil Kinevil (@allhailtheblackmarket) on Nov 24, 2019 at 8:20pm PST

Not sure if the embed works and yeah Stevil has a blog but the IG seems to have more timely updates, but fewer words, as IG should be.

My IG has turned into Bikes and bike path commute images... I guess it always kind of has been that...

Seth and Steve sell shit, subscriptions and merch respectively. I just suck mindless time out of my day and fortunately only a few of y'all's. Not many readers here. And I kind of am okay/like that.

I rolled into the weekend ready to get shit done. Okay that's a lie. I collapsed into it. Wrung thing and a dried up husk. KMC was an option, the fee changed that before I committed and then the car and other stuff came up and well good thing.

Saturday was rough, Coffee, but out of coffee, had enough to get started in the morning but by the time I made it back home to make more the lag had kick started a headache.

I bruised and cut myself and strained a forearm muscle trying to remove the rear O2 sensor. Shit is rusted the fuck in. Failed on the car fixing. Got the Erg done, but should have bought new elastics while i was at it, now I gotta order those and pay the extra shipping/price for being an idiot.

Headache all day, felt like shit, didn't ride. Rain started overnight Saturday and poured all day Sunday. Dirt church was cancelled. I still had a headache, slept like crap and said fuck it and mailed it in for the day. Got up, made coffee. Drank coffee in bed. Made more coffee, got back in bed, read some of the book. Made some food, started watching movie, gave up on the movie, read book. Made more food. Never GOT DRESSED. Sweatpants and a bathrobe were the uniform of the day. Made more coffee.

Watched football. Finished coffee at 5pm and at that point the headache went away. It lingered all fucking day. Made dinner. Watched more football. Did absolutely jack fucking shit all day.

Needed it.

Still tired, but feeling a lot better. I was a physical wreck. I'd better register for Secret Squirrel before I forget. But it was good that I didn't race or ride. Not sure why but I'm just dragging.

 But still dragging one foot in front of the other.

At some point it won't feel like i'm wearing concrete shoes.

Chased a single speed rabbit this morning. Dude on a nice Ti one headed south, then a bit later he went past me going north. me in the Mt Khakis, they ain't great for pedaling fast in, but have good leg compression - aka my quads don't really fit in them. I didn't make it quite up to speed to catch a draft but upped my tempo enough that he was only going just slightly faster than I was.

I'm sitting here looking at December and am totally overwhelmed. But there's no choice but to get through it.

And still have to work on the course plan. And get the car inspected. And hope it passes. Or just get a new car. Still really like the idea of an electric car for most everything we do. But they are so expensive. And that should tell you what my perspective is. Maybe just need to find another cheap used Volvo...  ugh... I really do hate cars and how dependent we are on them and how much $$ they suck... 

Well - this has been a long time in writing - busy, would be nice if the short week was as relaxed as lots of people are saying theirs are. Full speed ahead.

MOVE

heddwch
G

Dry and a tailwind

editor's note - or whatever

rain stopped, roads were wet but i stayed dry thanks to fenders

made some dinner, ate, dishes, listened to some George Alan Isakov

but yeah - made it home, and the tailwind was awesome and there were no ninjas on the path, pretty much only one other person out there that i encountered...

quiet night

gotta finish up making this batch of ice cream then fuck it -going to bed

Well well

how am i not surprised...

I didn't think it was going to rain today.

I didn't dress to ride in the rain.

I did what I've done all week, except that day it did rain and i brought cycling gear to ride home in...

except I didn't do that today.

these mt khakis are going to be fucking brutal to pedal in once they get soaked.

Perfect cap to the week.

Maybe it will blow over before it is time to leave.

finished that new Amos Decker book...  won't post spoilers but it was good. Predictable but not really

didn't read through much new stuff on the tabs no links..

walked into the building only be olefactorily assaulted. Burning/grinding of concrete and steel. Smelled like something caught fire. Been unpleasant today.

Tired. Slept terribly last night for some reason. Perplexing esp since I went way light on the coffee consumption yesterday - no time too busy...

Still out of sorts.

One foot

in
front
of
the
other

SEM is kinda messed up, but still working but not as well as before. Tried to do some imaging, deadline for the Staff show is the 4th. Don't want to miss it this year but don't have anything that I want to print out huge and stuff.  AKA still missing that muse, that inspiration. I prep'd samples I'd fixed and run through to 100% ETOH, looked at small selection of them and didn't find anything that made me go "wow cool"

I just put this on to chill and watch while finishing up all the emails and schedule coordination, January is already starting to fill up...



I like the stuff they do, the venues are cool, the DJs and photographers are all awesome. Love the production value increase over the years they've been doing this. Drone work esp has been a huge leap from their first use of it. But that one with the guy out in the salt lake, probably hard to top that both in scenery and music.

But this one with Mathame, beat is just right, I like this - fits, uplifting a bit, perhaps this is the magic rhythm that pumps out a wee bit of them happy chemicals that body makes in response to stuff... 

Gonna pause it - grab a late afternoon coffee...  then kick back and hope the rain stops soon.

heddwch
G

keep on getting back up

"Water's dripping down here in the basement."

Guess I didn't seal it well. Although I can't figure out where the hell it is getting through. Couldn't find a flaw in the caulking. But it is somewhere.

At least it wasn't from the rain. Had dried out before I got in the shower this morning - was wet when i got out.

Drain/faucet/new tile side is totally dry.

Not sure I have the energy to deal with that.

Oh and I forgot to plug my headlight in today. Don't have a battery backup.

Today was a continuation of last night. Non-stop, issue after issue. some issues resolved themselves even after I made sure they were repeatable and had the company person here to help diagnose. Other ones? Couple hours of working with a different field service engineer on a different system put us no closer to a solution than when we started and part of the microscope is still not working. And A THIRD vendor "updated" the firmware and software and managed to wipe everyone's user account settings, two people discovered that today when i was unable to be there in person to set it up.

This is not a normal day in the dungeon.

Not. At. All.

Hell I didn't eat lunch until 3pm. And I didn't even eat breakfast, AND I ate a pretty small dinner portion (needed to make sure there was enough leftovers for the kid so I started small, then waited before going back for more and then just didn't eat anything else).

Now I'm tired, waiting for another couple minutes to hopefully stuff enough electrons into the headlight battery to make it home on low.

Well speaking of electrons, TEM user just had problems using those electrons to visualize stuff.

AND THE ELEVATOR WON'T STOP ALARMING - non-fucking-stop

Not sure what to make for dinner, whenever I make it home. At least it isn't raining... 

Well - just noticed - that race with the $10 cover for parking? Dropped it to $5. Interesting.

But now I've got a full plate of shit to do, like work on the car... bike racing takes the backseat now... 

I wonder if the light has enough battery to get me home...

I guess I'm supposed to keep going. That's what Seth says. But seriously, who owns a Merckx Leader and sells it...  I guess it is just a bike, hanging on to shit too long is dumb. Not everyone needs to have a museum.

Fuck it - it is going to have to have enough light to get me home. Guess I'll find out.

sigh

so it goes, so it goes...

heddwch
G

other people writing

the rest of the blog world is thin...

people do podcasts...

fuck podcasts

but here's a few from today's reading while eating salad. (can of tuna in EVOO + the last bit of ricotta from making stuffed shells last night with the tahini dressing was pretty fugging good and satisfying - i'm ready for a nap)

From Dirty:
http://drunkcyclist.com/2019/11/19/tuesdays-with-dirty-fall-off-the-cliff/

From Jill:
http://www.jilloutside.com/2019/11/the-goal-keep-moving.html

From Seth (kind of funny how it echos/parallels/relates to Jill's):
https://pvcycling.wordpress.com/2019/11/20/take-a-break/

From Padriag:
http://redkiteprayer.com/2019/11/bike-work/

Now I dunno about you but I didn't start in shops until 1990, and we were still all cassette tapes, Even VPeddler in Michigan didn't do the CD thing. We made mix tapes or listened to the radio. We all had a fucking crazy collection of music, but there was Flat Black and Circular upstairs and I spent a huge pile of my cash from working in the shop on Used CDs. Would go through buying up every CD from the particular band I was digging at the moment. This was before Wiki when you had to fucking work to find the discography. OCD much? maybe.

Right now I can put together a basic hybrid in 20 minutes, that is assuming the disc brakes don't need an intervention and a visit from the Pope to exorcise the demons in them. I like the transatlantic flight thing though. Funny.

Dirty mentioning the SSWC, Derek is over at SSCXWC in Utah or someshit right now. Maybe we can get them here next year. And yeah I'm close to going single speed on the MTB. But not yet.

Lunch is over, time to help run a scope or two.

And to keep consistent - here's what's playing on the "radio" right now


Music... nothing more consistent in my life eh? but always tweaking the playlist...

Go figure..

heddwch
G

Into the Wild...

Is that what I need?

Why  bring that up now?

Thanks radio...


Yeah, I've been listening to this song on a few different stations of mine, today I noticed that the cover art was for Into the Wild with that kid sitting on the bus.

I had this page open to write and started looking for an image of a train going off the rails to explain yesterday's post.

Work interrupted. Transitioned into other work when I got back to my desk.

Today is one of those weird limbo days. Two systems with two engineers working on them. It is a catch up on shit kind of day. A day that pushes scheduling into other things but it is what it is.

Maybe this is a better music vid instead of the above.


So yeah, this morning is forced hanging out. I should clean my office/desk... or not... Woke up early... coffee, more coffee...

I started reading Gideon the Ninth. Huge and rave reviews on the socials, library finally got it. I'm reading it. But at the same time an audiobook I'd put on hold came in, been waiting a long time for this one, the eBook has like 50 people waiting for 15 copies (three weeks per person - you do the math) it is the latest book in the Amos Decker installment. Nice and pulpy and all that. But I've been listening to most of them, building in the shop or something so listening to this seems familiar. Listening at 1.4 speed of course. Faster is too chopped, still seems smooth but not as pedestrianly paced as the 1x speed. And a guilty admission: I've been listening while pedaling. Zoned out on autopilot, multi-tasking like only someone with as fucked up a brain as I have can do. Do I remember the ride? Sort of. Snapshots of interactions/awareness, gaps of nothing. I can roll the tape back and pretty much play through it. The couple in the Riverside forest.. tall thin guy and his short wife who are always out birdwatching was carrying an umbrella, I've never seen him carry one before.

Stuff like that but then there's also the book going on in my head.

And now I'm sitting here - being available in case people need something. Trying to avoid going down the route I did yesterday.

Youtube got going on the autoplay - scenes from the movie that I never saw. And of course it brought back all the thoughts that arose from reading the book.

At least it isn't sending me down the other rabbit hole that usually winds up totally derailing me.

Trying to avoid opening that door.

I'm doing fine, okay I'm doing okay, pretty good, functional. The car thing though. Still this lingering pain in the ass. Feel comfortable about the chances of success for fixing the thing, just need the time to make the attempt beyond the investigation. Van did the didn't want to start thing that it hasn't done since I change the plugs. So that was fun this morning. It started but still. Half of me just things E should take one of these cars and trade it in for whatever she wants and wants to drive.

The car thing created a semi-viral tweet - rando people liking it. Not many, but more than normal interaction that was a surprise. And then tehre are all the people who saw it that didn't comment, haven't said anything. And no - def not going to KMC, not with the car issues, and the cost. It was one thing spending $28 to race at Eco-cross, That place has memories, is fun, low key, easy as hell drive...

Of course there's that Impeachment shit going on. I'm getting the basics from twitter unwillingly. People are saying this is the end, yeah right. It ain't gonna change anything. Moscow Mitch ain't changing his tune, the whole lot of them... fuck em. I don't know man, this is fucking painful.

Oh funny bit - put the Rolo 100 on the bike for the commute home. Had the Bontrager on there - turned it on, the bontrager, and it wouldn't turn off. I didn't plan on riding home with both of them on, but I wanted to put the bontrager on a low setting...  stuck on Daylight flash your brains out. Fuck. Switch was NOT doing anything. Messed with it and finally got it off at home. I like the Rojo 100, but the bontrager feels more refined, less cheap plasticy. Also slimmer profile. But the flash patterns and brightness of the Rojo are really nice.

Finish up with this song;


because it is playing right now and speaks lots about everything...

best of luck out there - one foot in front of the other... and all that,

heddwch
G

yeah they say

Just to slip on the same mistakes and slide right back in
But people say I'm the luckiest man
Yeah they say,

controlling the shit in my brain

I'm amazed at how patient some people are with me but then again I'm also equally amazed at having stupid total situational recall and wondering why I acted the way I did, why I didn't say what I could have, or wanted to or anything else.

A couple specific instances popped up over the last 24hrs. Not sure why, well If I thought about it I could probably tease the thread back to the seed that started it...  but no point wouldn't make sense to anyone else.

End result strange.

Better stuff to read:
I'm confused as can be with Stevil's stuff but I'm not him, I don't know him, probably will never meet him or understand but it has been a good read to follow along on this particular journey:
https://allhailtheblackmarket.com/2019/11/beginning-my-ascent-back-to-whatever/

For a long time Chipstick hasn't had anything other than my face at the top of his blog from the last entry. New post is up: https://velocb.blogspot.com/2019/11/putney-rules.html somewhat makes me regret not driving the 150 miles there and back, but only a tiny sliver of regret - the car issues sort of dissolve that. Good read. And yes I'm glad I went once. I don't know if it is worth the trip annually. I don't like VT that much and could care less about fucking mad alchemy at the moment/ever.

Best consistent resonating reading has been coming from Cycling in the south bay. The post about being sober, I think i linked that - if not go dig it up. The one up right now as I'm reading/opening tabs is about being in traffic. https://pvcycling.wordpress.com/2019/11/19/hateful-drivers/
I go back to Solobreak's point about drivers. It is much easier to fixate on the problem ones, the close passers, the aggressive d'bags, the honkers the throwers. He once mentioned look at all the people who give you space, aren't a'holes. So occasionally I like to count those that pass safely, don't pass, or anything that is considerate. Number are always surprisingly good. And this leaves me feeling hopeful for the human race.

DCB called me a ginger, someone else mentioned they are a ginger and have no soul and therefore humor doesn't work, and well I pointed out i'm really only half ginger, red beard...not red head. So therefor i both have a soul and a void where there isn't one. And maybe that makes me feel that darkness, and the void even more strongly. Or explains my fucking weirdness...  obs not because souls are a cultural phenomenon to placate the fear that we're just a bag of walking water with a lot of electrical shit happening in a mass of fatty tissue at the apex.

Was feeling better after the hopeful part - thought relaying that FB thing about the no sense of humor and the soul would be good, it put me back in the funk...

Got wet this morning. Didn't ride the e-bike tho, nope. Worked and got wet even though it wasn't raining. Glasses had so much condensation on them that I had to wipe them off (not much improvement). Still just riding in street clothes. Still just putting one foot in front of the other.

The email this morning from the KMC folks got me a bit excited until i read through and finally got to the part about $10/car. Deal breaker. I was already boderline. Lots of reasons, well established. I supported that race while it was here in PVD for years, days and days of hard labor, through the easy smooth Tom Stevens years to the first couple with the new course folks. In person support and media support while they worked with the city and all...  They lowered the prices, cut it down to one day, there's a singlespeed race, weather is going to be wet and cold and should be fun, but driving there sucks in good weather. It is a fucking awesome place to ride to, terrible to drive to from my house. As a fence sitter trying to decide where to race this weekend, that $10 pushes me off the fence back to the side of not racing...  I feel bad about that, it isn't a good feeling having something so trivial as $10 pushing me in that direction but $50 to race? It really isn't that much, but it is just that tiny bit too much.

And yeah that didn't help much either.

And the elevator is fucking broken and alarming, beeping, then annoying alarm, then quiet then beeping then alarm... NON STOP - and then it is quiet for a bit. Randomly starts up again AND I AM OUT OF COFFEE, don't want to make another pot because that would be bad but I'm tired and not feeling well and coffee is the only thing I have left.

Not true - I have plenty of other stuff left. But coffee helps.

SEM is down, being rebuilt. Here to support and help the engineer, although he doesn't need help. at the moment. Kind of want to take images - find something new to look at on there. No inspiration. No muse.

Got the new Planet Bike Rojo 100 in the mail last night - will try that out. Gonna put that on the bike. Should be fun, nice and small. USB c recharging plug nice modes.

writing might have been a bad idea today. But I had all the tabs open (links above) when I opened this up to start - best intentions. Oh well.

heddwch
G

And to think, things have been really good lately in my brain... fuuuuuuuck

one down...

Got one car taken care of. The easy one. Just an oil change and a reset of the oil change indicator.

Picked up some new cycling gloves. cheap, but warm and thin and may be good. We'll see. Now I have two mid-weight gloves, one ancient pair of Pearl Izumi's on their last fingers and these 100% Brisker gloves. Will try em out tomorrow.

Got the parts to do the other car too, the hoping the spark plug non-foulers help. Code was clear until I just got home. But not quite enough daylight to start digging into it.

Picked up a second cog, a nice 17t. Gonna dig out the spare spacers and put it on the mud wheels. If i need the mud tires i'll likely need the easier gear. Also will be good to test the fit.

Thinking maybe KMC next weekend because of the singlespeed category. Skipping shed park because no SSCX category also a long drive and some less than awesome memories. Like say the downpipe falling off, among other things.

Got my blood work back and my Tgl is nice and low, well mid-range and that T/G calc i linked to last post puts me at the safe border of the insulin side and I think if i hadn't eaten a giant pile of pasta the night before and gone back for thirds because it tasted so good, I probably would have been even lower. Oh I have decidedly average hemocrit - 44. Weeeeeee.

Did get some rest, slept in, thought about the Bikeworks ride but sleep was good. I'll ride tomorrow, then grocery shopping, then work on the car.

Parts for the Concept 2 are here - gonna have to take that apart soon and put it back together...  and now start to figure out what to make for dinner.

And get my shit together for tomorrow morning.

getting my shit together for more than a day ahead seems like an insurmountable task.

one thing at a time...

heddwch
G

Made it to the end of the day

What a day eh?

What a week. Weird one. Short. And holy crap I'm booked up solid every day until I leave for Seattle for the Yuletide concerts.



This place looks really cool. Kind of want to go head there and hang out in the summer heat - gotta be pretty high on the amazing side no?

I feel seen

https://www.instagram.com/p/ByYReozno9x/?igshid=1e3z8aiuwhwsx

Well where was I?

Right here. Same as always.

Rode some bikes, tried to rest. Rode some more bikes. Drove to Doc. Got told a few things. Took apart a Concept 2 Model C, put it back together. Rode in to work this morning with 20F on the thermometer with a 20+ gusting headwind.

I forget what happened saturday. Totally locked out brain not sure what the fuck happened. Oh right - kid pick up then shopping. Did some other stuff and eventually got to sleep.

Woke up way before I was ready to and headed out on the MTB with Syl and Fred. Was slow, but man I was dead, and tired and felt terrible. Sub-deltoid bursa was pissed off and painful from all the painting and grouting. Still. Yes. I know. Ugh.

Came home and didn't do much. Pretty hosed.

Went off for the CX out on the cape on Monday. Raced Singlespeed. Didn't get lapped by Donny, finished 8th, faded in the last two laps, probably lost a minute plus on each lap why? Sometimes the big gear I run works, sometimes it doesn't. This was another one of those where I should have changed the gear. Super short tight course with all the acceleration and few to no long pedally sections. You were either going slightly up hill, steeply up hill, or coming out of a 90-180 turn (or going down). I suppose if I was stronger and in better shape and 20 pound lighter the gear would be good. But I'm not, and it wasn't.

I left the Stache in the car after Sunday and put the CX bike on top of it. Maybe ride Otis after. didn't wind up doing that. Even though it was a pretty short race, i still was wrecked. Tired. Just drove home.

Made dinner.

Slept.

Woke up and went to the Doc.

My Glucose is too high, LDL kind of high, and oddly potassium was elevated.

I think potassium is probably a bounce back/related to the prednisone and the adrenal gland re-stabilizing. Had the blood work done fasted and only a couple days after last taper dose.

Glucose too high? well that's probably because I ate a shit ton of delicious mac and cheese I made (not whole wheat pasta) the night before. Sure it was almost a 12 hour fast but... well... I can eat a lot. And didn't work out nearly hard enough that morning, or the day before to be in glycogen debt.

LDL? only flagged now because they changed stuff but I'm very very much convinced these numbers are not great predictors of CVD. Related? Yes, but there's a lot of other things.

I re-did the Glucose, much less accurate quick little machine at the annual wellness screening today. Gluc was lower, but then again I ate a shit ton of mac and cheese again. Yeah I make it once every couple weeks, or maybe more frequently. Going to def go back to whole wheat pasta exclusively.

Too much fuel. Not enough intensity on the bike. Makes sense. Can tweak and adjust this. Will be re-testing for HepK and LDL and glucose. def will plan on doing a very different dietary plan on the run in to that blood draw.

It makes sense. I've been eating a bit more pasta and white potatoes lately. Trying to make sure I am topped up for efforts. even if I'm not doing as many efforts as I should. Also giving in a bit to fueling the rowing kid who IS doing a shit tone of work and needs the fuel.

Guess what's for dinner tonight?

Salad motherfuckers.

A big goddamn salad.

And maybe some burger pockets (burgers cooked and then wrapped in tortilla with cheese and then seared to seal and melt cheese - although writing this gives me another idea on how to make them... hmmmmm)

Did I mention it was cold this morning? Broke out the Wolvhammer boots. The previous generation, the ones w/o the removable liner, and w/o the boa. BUT THEY ARE STILL SUPER WONDERFULLY WARM.

The boots look pretty silly with Lycra, but I wore street clothes, no big deal. Shit forgot to plug in my headlight. Here's to hoping there's enough juice in the light to get home.

Dug out my warm gloves even.

So the energy balance thing is what I've gotta work on. Def not working as hard as i should and eating more than i should, esp of the yummy shit.

Made some chicken and soba noodles with so much umami it was REDICULOUS, so delicious. Ate so much. Too much. damn bottomless pit of a stomach. Ate that while watching Ramen Heads. Now I want some legit Japanese ramen. Where though? I bet no one makes their own noodles here.

Took apart crew kid's teammate's erg they got for free. Teeth were SUPER fucked up on the cog, chain also super rusty and missing a bit of hardware and had the old wood handle. Just ordered all the parts to recondition it. Not going to pull the bungies, they are still working, probably have been replaced at least once, the pick up has. And if the bungies break, well that's not the hardest fix, or the most expensive, maybe should have ordered them while I was at it... next time I guess.

Would be nice to race bikes this weekend but I think I'll just have to make due with riding the MTB. I am very much liking it. But will hopefully show up not as tired and run down as I was last week.

Ooh it is late. Damnit. Been one crazy motherfucking day. it is 7 degrees warmer out there right now, and I'll have a tailwind. BUT it is dark, I'm wagering I'll be colder on the ride home than i was on the ride in.

Shit maybe I need to get the trainer set up, sigh, probably. The big Stache MTB is taking up the space the trainer would be set up in. Maybe I need to re-do the re-do of the bike room.

or not

Need to work more on the rest of everything. And catch up on the rest. Even racing this weekend and riding the MTB I'm making progress there.

Now I need to get home and make some dinner.

heddwch
G

one more

This one makes me grin - from ridiculousness and such a fun cover

Open book

The song that lead to this:


was in my head for a while and it is this one:


But really mid-rabbit hole there I stumbled down this:


And I went bare handed in 33°F weather with a headwind.

Only 40 minutes, not too bad.

If you're gonna be dumb/lazy ya better be tough.

Yeah I need to find something other than my super arctic gloves. Can't find the mid-weight or lightweight stash.

odd morning

tiny punctuation of insanity longer bits of calm, and the stuff I need to fix is in use, which is good, but still has issues to resolve.

There were snacks upstairs. I ate them. Gotta rock the clydesdale label. My bike is heavy and so am i. Really was funny watching Syl try and lift it after the Church ride. He's gonna be a menace when his Blur is ready to ride.

Missing NoHo - mixed feelings about it but ultimately the right call... maybe I'll be back someday... maybe next year. Who knows.

Missing it? the racing every weekend? Yeah. Missing the racing, missing the friends... it was the best with teammates, even if it isn't a team sport. Gave ya something to work for, pulled ya up a bit taller, made ya dig a bit deeper.

This is f'n good, why have I not seen it before? Have I not heard them before? How is that possible?


crazy
more videos?

Not today.. maybe

Maybe the Ska infusion as of late and the Caro Emerald mixing in there has been a good thing.

okay - enough skankin around

heddwch
G

hello friends

bathroom done and i'm wrecked and moving on to shit with no downtime,
 kind of

course might be all set to ignore until the spring, i think i have a full compliment of students and a overflowing waiting list

bikes? what bikes...

commute

still feeling tentative on the SSCX under super high load

made some steak tonight, kid LOVED it...  is was pretty damn f'n good.

took a couple photos on the ride yesterday - missed the rain, was awesome on the way home...

Pissed that I didn't have time to listen to the whole NKK J book. the audiobook I was waiting for forever (since july) expired before I could finish the last 1/4 of it. But it was extra awesome listening to the audio, and the cultural inflections and how to pronounce the names, so when I the book version (shorter wait #2 on 1 vs #12 on 2)  is off hold then I'll pick it back up. Still closing in on the last part of the Sarah J Maas's book 4 of the Throne of Glass series. It is good, I like it but am at the point where I just want to know what happens. Might need to give this series a rest before picking up book 5.

We'll see what the hold roulette does.  I kind of want Gideon the Ninth to come off first, I've heard much much good stuff about it.

That doesn't makes sense... heard much much good stufff...  wtf

Ah well.

Also GRX has a dropper integrated left lever. I want it. BADLY. Not because I need a dropper on the CX but i would certainly USE one. But that's a lot of $$ to upgrade to something like that. For a bike I haven't ridden since I raced it last...  when the fuck was that?

Minuteman CX?

Shit, can't remember. Not doing NoHo this weekend. Might head to the Cape on Monday. Why not eh? could be a fun day. We'll see what the weather does and the SS race isn't super early.

Felt like getting a few words out...  instead of reading... 

ok - gonna put food away and start the dishwasher and maybe catch up on sleep. The bathroom kicked my butt, the late night painting and all the rest going on.

I am tired.

But it looks good. I'm happy with it. Everyone else is too.

heddwch
G

so fried

that I can't focus enough to read. I don't have much left in the book and damnit i want to get to the end (so i can get to the next book)

Went mtbing - dirt church, was fun. Short this week, only about 3 hrs out there, 2:15 pedaling because of stops and clearing the trails and cutting logs and stuff with my Gomboy. We didn't just ride, we did trail work too.

After yesterday's marathon day and all the grouting, getting up early to ride and then coming home and cleaning the grout and then caulking and starting to put it back together... i'm tired.

Hoping to get the paint up tonight. Really want to get it done.

Hate this finish work.

But got a ride in.

Almost done with the bathroom...  all in time for an insane week.

time to eat - need food

heddwch
G

FOUND IT

All of it. Found all of the shit. First my orange jacket, then I remembered where the other one was (at the bike shop, took it off to try on and buy the orange long sleeve NBX jersey for MTB and left it there and forgot about it). Actually found my glasses too.

FOUND EVERYTHING.

But I feel like crap. Legit terrible. Sleep hasn't been great so maybe I'm just tired. Poison Ivy is finally fading so that's good. Weather has been not great for riding so I haven't.

Got the ceiling painted, or at least primed. Did it by hand, with a brush. Being tall is nice, but man i hate the smell of primer. This stuff was a bit thick, didn't roll so well.

Ain't gonna be the prettiest paint job, but it'll work 

Need to get the final coat on before the tiles I guess - maybe. Would really want to get that done before the tiles but I didn't get paint yet. Didn't get paint though, I needed to get it, but well haven't done that yet. Might get it done before the tiles go in, we'll see how that goes.

Maybe i'll even ride a bike one of these days...

maybe...

plenty of shit happening oh well...  we'll get it done some how...

finding stuff is good

now to find some rest

heddwch
G

This is a damn fine inspiration

https://www.planetbike.com/fall-2019-super-commuter-kent-fackenthall/

SRSLY

Well chosen  Planet Bike.

Today has been a struggle but fuck it - it also is an adventure.

To be completely honest I felt like crap on the bike, and the most worriesome was climbing the little hill on the single speed.

The spot where I broke the chain and I backed way off. 

BTW THAT DOESN'T WORK WHEN YOU ARE ON A SINGLESPEED...

There was an unconscious distrust of the bike. And I didn't like it.

I just feel off.

Maybe it is the slow bleeding of Prednisone from my system.

Or something else?

Also I think I've added my sunglasses to the pile of shit I can't find. Had em yesterday - then I didn't.

But did you read that planet bike thing? makes ya wanna ride. A freaking inspiration.

Anyway...
step
by
step

one foot
in front
of
the
other

even as everything falls apart around me and inside me

heddwch
G

what is a day off?

A take the kid to school, do the weekend shopping, dishes, eat, airport run, yard work, kid pick up, make dinner, do dishes.

Read?

No more progress on the bathroom. Maybe tomorrow after work. Yeah, sigh, full packed day. Just like everyday, but this is there and doesn't feel like i've had much of  a break. Going to be interesting I suppose. Working with good people all day so that always makes it worthwhile.

But no bikes since...  Thursday late night in the dark. Still no sign of my jackets.

Must have mis-counted on the Pred pills cause i'm down to not the right number. Either I took too many or the pill slider fucked up and shorted me a couple. Hopefully this will be enough of a taper that my adrenal glands don't 'infarct' as my doc said they would w/o it.

Legs were itchy and only moderately disruptive last night, better and better but so strange to have it go so long and intense. I haven't looked at the weather in days, this is strange. Okay not true - i looked at it for Sunday and the possible MTB but not since then.

Van's making a different new noise, maybe was there all along but wheelbearing masked it? Or they put the wheelbearing in wrong? Or? Oh and the change oil indicator came on, gotta deal with that. And STILL deal with the Volvo.

I know it is Really Rad CX this weekend out on the cape, but a 8:45 start for the 40+ at $41 before Bikereg fees for a 40 min race when I haven't shifted a CX bike since August and have not time or desire to put gears on the bike. I suppose the 2/3/4 race option is there but no gears and same price and I just can't find the joy in signing up and doing it. So I probably won't race there.  Cheshire? Way to far away. Nope, nope nope nope. I guess it is more not race in peak CXy time. Does that mean a trip to NoHo? Maybe. Why not? Better question might be why bother.

The SSCX races are fun enough to draw me out, to get me to sign up, but beyond that I'm not finding the motivation.

Didn't even go MTB'n this weekend. Maybe the bathroom progress over Wed and Thurs will have a ride window and more importantly someone to show me around some trails.

Mostly needed to get the race logic out of my brain.

The Bosstones quote by KF over on IG this morning got me thinking. Can't seem to post a IG comment w/o massively fucking up the words, one of them I couldn't remember what I had intended to swipe after posting and re-reading. And I even found and made a few corrections before posting, but not all the errors.

"Sometimes you have to  be the punch line. Sometimes you get to tell the joke"

The whole lyrics are abs good - someone on twitter was saying Ska for ever!
Well yeah. Duh.  Am I more Ska than Punk? maybe. Mustard Plug and Thigh High Nylons blew my mind when I first heard it on the radio.

Those lyrics tho

Sometimes, sometimes you've got to be the punch line
Well and sometimes, sometimes you get to tell the joke
There's no difference on the end that you end up on
I've got a preference I'll defend right, right over wrong
I won't wait till they say when
Or wait for them to tell me when I can
Why would I wait for them
If I waited for them then
I'd be no different than them
And I'm so certain that I am
Someone, someone will try to be the hammer
And someone, somebody ends up as the nail
Who cares what end you end up on
Hammers break and nails bend
I'll still take right, right over wrong
And that's what I'll defend
That's what I'm defending
I won't wait till they say when
Or wait for them to tell me when I can
Why would I wait for them
If I waited for them then
I'd be no different than them
And I'm so certain that I am
I won't wait till they say when
Or wait for them to tell me when I can
Why would I wait for them
If I waited for them then
I'd be no different than them
And I'm so certain that I am
Sometimes you've got to be the punch line
Sometimes you get to tell the joke

Ah - dig it up if you haven't heard it - what is it about the horns?

Anyway - the line got me thinking about accepting being the punch line, how it hasn't always been easy for me being the punch line, infact impossible. Got thinking about my childhood, got thinking about how my brain is wired. 'Sperg/Spectrum...  i was normal enough to be normal but different enough to be really different. There was a talk at the symposium looking at VLA? exposure and how it caused cerebral disruption by creating too many synapses. Too many connections in the brain and how that is tied to behavior. I saw/thought about it as an asset to be leveraged, but, yeah, there's something else there...  too far and it doesn't work. Too different.

So yeah been in this loop the punch line added to it this morning, but really it is all linked in to what I cannot put into words.

Best sleep, or at least stop writing my brain up into a frenzy.

heddwch
G

Progress

On monday:

That happened. A light poke and a whole next level of fun was initiated.

This afternoon I turned it into this:

The wet looking spots are some vinegar spray to knock down the mold on the studs from being wet for, like, ever.

Didn't break any of the tiles on ends. Yes there is actually one small stripe of concrete board. The tiles came off it where it was wettest but not so much over at the far end of the tub. But they came off.

Cleaned up. Found the old original tiles. They were pinkish. There were a few broken bits of them down in the gap in the wall.

Yeah that wall board is not a 4x8 sheet.

Time to let it dry, eval measure tomorrow then supplies and the rest get procured. Hopefully back to a normal bathroom by the end of the week.

We'll see if the downstairs shower (the one that flooded on my birthday) is acceptable or i go with second shower curtain for this.

Didn't really eat much. Then made a big salad for dinner and a few sausages. And some how put a big hole in the middle of my tongue. Okay more of a dagger shaped hole. At least only one cut on my thumb. Not sure what from.

Even wore safety glasses through the whole project.

Did some plastic welding for the kid's art project, probably should have opened a window while doing it instead of after. Oops.

Well i needed something to do productive while the Patriots played some football on the TV.

TIred. trying not to let the back lock up after the day of awkward delicate demolition.

Mentally and physically tired right now.

but i got some shit done...

a good day i suppose...

will be interesting to see if sleep continues to improve...

heddwch
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physical manifestations

of emotional/mental state

didn't make it out on the bike yesterday

plans maybe to try this morning but the rain came in and while i'm fine with riding in the rain and the trails are rocky and sandy enough to shrug off the wheels in the wet the thought of being up and ready at that hour and then clean up after were overwhelming.

I'm digging the book but library loan is due and i can't even focus enough to read more than a chapter at a time.

Finally mostly almost able to sleep under the covers w/o being woken by intense pain as the poison ivy rash warms up. It still flames up when covered and warm but it is more of a warming post shower embro glow, that borderline of heat and pain.

I should be taking the tiles off carefully right now. I should be cleaning up a bit, I should be maybe in the car driving a million miles to a CX race in the rain, even though, yes, I'm still dosed up with a S9 PED. But I'm here. Hanging out on a rainy day with the dogs. Just me and them.

It might be enjoyable if I wasn't overwhelmed with the shit I have to deal with and the feeling of exhaustion.

And some how the two mid-weight jackets I wear all the time have vanished. One I had on last week, saturday, was getting warm, took it off, can't find it anywhere. It is bugging me. Where the fuck did it go. And my Pearl commuting jacket, the 30-50 degree weather one? Also fucking missing. Can't find either. And that's bugging me.

So strange, such a 180 from how I was feeling last week. Body has compensated for the drug, PI is out of the system. But at least maybe I got a bit better sleep last night than before. Steady improvement. Perhaps that will help. Also just getting the tiles off probably is a good thing to get done.

I should have ridden yesterday, even if it was just around the local tiny short trails. But I took the dogs for a walk instead. I watched a stupid movie and made myself some food.

I'm not even feeling like racing next weekend. Really Rad? I dunno that's where one of the Mark's separated his shoulder and I had to drive him to the ER in PVD, and that's the same race legacy that the other Mark did the same thing trying to bunny hop at Plymouth North and did the same thing. And that whole racing with the masters really really early. Or cheshire? too fucking far, don't care if it is a Zanc race I'm not fucking driving there.

Pretty sad sack of shit right now.

But i'll keep on keeping in on. Self preservation mode may be what's driving me to be a lazy oaf right now or something worse. I dunno.

Might go back to reading a little more, make more coffee, then tackle the bathroom wall.

I bought a cute little prybar set yesterday - should be perfect for delicately pulling tiles off the wall, gotta find one of the utility knives for the rest of the delicate demolition. Gotta be not me. I'm the one who usually over-wrecks stuff. I'm good at somethings but it is frustrating that I find certain things I just can't do, which I suppose is a relief. A reminder that even I have limits. Or at least limits that aren't self imposed by a shitty melancholic induced apathetic mood.

Maybe more coffee will help...  probably not

heddwch
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roughest yet

Running on pretty much no sleep.

got up to put more of the topical stuff on after 30-45 min of sleep only not to be able to fall back asleep for an hour or two dozing but waking back up and then finally ahh warm and drifting off but guess what happens when i get nice and warm and comfy? The rash says 'HEY FUCK YOU I NEED TO BE COLD OR I'LL WAKE YOU UP IN PAIN"

airport run, driving in traffic, no bike, useless but getting stuff done. the easy stuff that i haven't done all week. and picking up after yesterday.

we'll see if i make it past lunch, or even to lunch today w/o just going home.

last nights mood has somewhat intensified with the lack of sleep...  should be a fun day...  or the opposite of fun

was too tired to read but to wired to sleep... 

Amor Fate


i'll work on that... 

at least i can wear shorts today, no long pants irritating the hell out of it.

that's a positive

heddwch
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predictable

Made it through the day. All the build up, it happened, it was pretty successful. People loved the talks, we didn't have a huge audience but we had a good one and they paid attention.

'Casual Lunch' was that, pretty informal. But it worked.

Tour could have been 2x as long but it worked.

Had plans to go to dinner with the corporate 'co-sponsors' but the three of us are packing it up and cleaning up and well...  plans changed and the one that was going to stay in town after headed right back home. The other wasn't going to hang out anyway.

So that was it - kind of a let down. But not really. Just, that, as predictable as it could be, I was caught off guard. Been floating pretty high on this Prednisone and whatever chemical shit storm the Poison Ivy has been causing happen and just being so busy that I haven't been able to slow down. Today was non-stop. I was never moving slower than a near run.

Then it was over.

It was dark.

I rode home.

Felt colder on the ride home at 60°F in the dark than it did at 46°F this morning in the sun.

Made some food. Still hungry, the meeting coffee had WAY more caffeine than my normal stuff. So now I'm in that weird state of being fucking exhausted (yeah not much sleep last night) wired and now kind of depressed.

E heads to DC early tomorrow to guide at the Marine Corps marathon...  and I still have to deal with the busted bathroom and busted car and in the middle of all the crazy today I completely filled the week of Nov 4th. And during the symposium I was saying how nice it was outside while it was so cold in the lecture hall, so nice for being November. Was immediately corrected "Hey Geoff, it is still October."

Right.

I was kind of looking forward to a industry dinner, a chance to talk with people who do what I do, at a nice place on their expense account. But actually pretty happy to just have been able to get home and not be now looking at the time at dinner realizing that I still had to ride home. As nice as it would have been it isn't the part that is causing any issue. It is that void of having just finished something big. It is over. Or something.

I dunno but it is odd having been feeling so good all week, like oddly awesome. Figuring it was the prednisone or something.

I have just barely started tapering. And really have only been taking it since tuesday night.

Listening to the Punch Brother's live at the house of blues right now.

There, embedded.

Man this exhaustion+wired combo SUCKS.

Can't really focus on enough to do much of anything productive (except let my fingers capture the stream of thoughts trying to get out of my head) was riding that steroid high yesterday night - got a TON of shit done. But hit the crossover point where the drugs and systemic poison ivy shit stopped providing an odd excess of energy and the lack of decent sleep has taken over. And that damn 4:30 high test coffee... 

And it really is a systemic case, I am getting poison ivy spots popping up still, no it isn't anything else, yeah most of the stuff is drying out but the skin is super pissed and gonna take a long time to recover, if it can. But hey what's a few extra battle scars anyway.

I guess the realization that there's no CX for a while, maybe next weekend but Cheshire too damn far, racing at super early with the age group race...  gears? no SSCX of course, Falmouth is pretty flat. But still, not sure about that. i dunno. There's always mountain biking. I should probably figure out a ride for Saturday afternoon if I can fit it in before the rains come on Sunday.

I'll stop rambling, but felt like capturing the mood. Maybe I'll try and read a bit.

was gonna try the coffeenueringthing but hasn't been a chance... fuck just rubbed stupid the residue of the super hot long chinese pepper in my left eye... feels kind of invigorating. I think that's a bad sign... 

better sign off before i do something else stupid and then share it...

heddwch
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Bike keeps trying to kill me

(oops this was a draft started yesterday - gonna post unfinished - too much going on add more than Prednisone kicks ASS - esp for pedaling and feeling good)

This time the chain snapped on the way to work. Climbing the one hill. Almost exactly the mid-point of the commute.

3.5 miles from home (plenty of bikes and tools). 3.5 miles from the office (no bikes not tools).
or
just about 2 miles to the bike shop.

I walked/scootered/kicked along the stone curb to the shop.

Grabbed a chain from the pile of ancient too short but brand new cast offs (perfect for Singlespeed).

The PC10 that was on there before exploded at the pin underload going up a hill. Yeah. I nearly wrecked myself as my medial quad hit the stem. A couple extra cuts to go with the poison ivy.

wee

I didn't have a chain tool, wouldn't have helped w/o a 15mm wrench for the axle and a 6mm to adj the rear brake.

Put the chain on there - noticed the rear pads were fucked, put new brake pads on while i was there.

Made it to the meeting 3 min late. But didn't get all the shit i needed to get done before that.

Stealing a few moments between appointments. So if you're keeping score.
Poison Ivy = haven't slept more than 4 hrs in one stretch for a week (the steroids aren't working yet)
Wrecked Shower = bathroom remodel time
Busted bike



That was a great lunch vid. Okay so I haven't really seen any KT video, never ridden there. Guess maybe one of these days I'll have to make the trip.

@$@#$!@$!#%$% poison ivy sucks

Sure - i've gottan a few tiny bumps here and there over the years. Usually i'm really good at getting it off.

I haven't slept well in a few days, getting worse.

Got an appointment to see the doc this morning.

Now I have a dose of steroids waiting for me at the Pharmacy. Even the doc said this was a really bad case. She was very happy that I came in now before it went fully systemic and got infected.

Oh and yesterday i was rinsing the technu off of the rash on my leg before heading to work and touched the side of the shower with my toes... and:

Yup that's my shower now.

There's a hole in the wall.

It is soaking wet behind the tile.

Yes the tile was installed directly onto sheetrock. Yes the rock is completely saturated with water and perfectly perforated along the grout lines.

Yes - i wasn't planning on doing a bathroom re-model, but guess I'm going to add this to getting the car ready for inspection. Or actually before that happens.

SO MUCH FUN.

And being gone all morning at the docs has set me way back. And no bike riding today.

Mountain bike weekend after dropping kid off has turned into LETS REMODEL THE BATHROOM WHILE IT IS JUST ME IN THE HOUSE. Sigh...

I did block off three days next week. So it'll be a light week in the microscope lab but heavy on the house and car fixing.

if it isn't one thing it is another.

if i didn't get the PI the shower might have falling apart while a guest was in the house - or while I was covered in soap instead of just standing outside the shower rinsing off shit. Tiles dropped into the wall instead of into the tub so the enamel on the cast iron didn't get wrecked.

Coulda been worse. Still kind of frustrating.

Validating when your doc freaks out at seeing it all, guess taking the time to head there was a good thing. Maybe the steroids will make me all big like Ahhnold.

heddwch
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