Monday, July 13, 2015

armchairing the barn burner

lots of people suffered in the heat.
lots of people melted

hopefully no one suffereed serious medical issues because of it...

racing in the heat is never easy. esp on the MTB when speeds are slower than on the road and you're often in the trees with less of a breeze or out on a trail/rock section with little direct shade but enough vegitation to keep the air still and hot. Freddie has remarked a few times how nice it is to ride the road when it gets really hot. At least there's some air moving.

Waterlogged...  classic signs of everything everyone did wrong to prep for the heat.

So many things to deal with in the heat. Drinking water is actually the least important.

One small bottle of V8 juice would probably do everyone a hell of a lot more good than two or three liters of water or drink mix.  V8/Tomato are one of the few beverages that are isotonic. Won't dehydrate you further when you drink it.

Even the hyper-hydration mix from Skractch is hypotonic. But that said until you hit the ultimate extreme your body can tolerate the difference. But those extremes mean different things for different people.

Your individual level of heat stress tolerance. I think core body temp is a much more important thing to focus on than hydration and drinking. The TTs are short but 20 min at max HRM in 100+F and sun isn't easy, but cooling down with ice before and most importantly after does more for recovery and reducing heat stress than drinking water. Hydrating with icey slurry can be helpful if you don't get a brain freeze.

Everyone is different. I deal with heat stress differently than most due to high surface area, that said my BMI is still no where near skinny, mostly due to leg mass, and I've found it is very difficult to cool the legs down, but it is still more important to cool the head and core body down than the legs.  But once the legs are hot, the high muscle density and increased blood flow will continue to heat up the core unless you're actively shedding heat.

Hydration is imortant, salt tablets help make fluids coming in more isotonic, and many people swear by them, it makes it palatable to have a near isotonic solution in your stomach/intestines. Plenty of people can't even drink V8/tomato juice when they aren't at a cramping heatstroke level of fatigue/stress.

No I didn't do the barn burner, but I got up at 5am and was on the bike at 5:30. It wasn't that warm yet, but I carried two 22oz bottles of coffee, and uncharacteristically I stuffed a short waterbottle of water in an empty jersey pocket. When Bettridge got his flat I gave him a couple good handfuls of water out of that bottle to wash the stans off his hands. And I still had water left in it when I got home.

I still think most people drink too much, and the fear of dehydration is far less of a performance detrimint than coaches and "nutritionists" make it out to be. Core temp? that is scary, I know I do much better when I can lose the excess heat easily than when it just builds up.

Other factors that are critical to pay attention to when it is that hot out? clothing choices. Dark fabrics should be avoided. And fabrics that stay wet longer (dry more slowly) can provide a cooling benefit vs the better wickking stuff, but slower evaporation also means less cooling and more of a chance for the fabric to just get hot and make it worse.

One other factor people don't think so much about: sunscreen. And how coating up the body with it can impact the skin's ability to cool. Yes, skin cancer sucks, sun burns suck, but people have different reactions and successes with different products. Best to experiement and find one that allows full sweat potential and cooling.

The couple days leading up to an event are important, but not as critical if you are well adapted. Get a job working in the back of a building, one without any windows or doors in the back half and one w/o any AC. Spending 6-8 hours with sweat pouring in rivers off your back and down your asscrack is a good way to maximise sweat and get used to it. Or working on a roof, or putting up sheetrock in an old building w/o AC, that's always fun.

I know what works for me and, drinking a ton immediately after never works well. Or drinking a ton of hypotonic solution in the middle because i'm sweating a ton and am worried about dehydrating or I feel a headache coming on usually doesn't work/makes it worse. And scientifically makes sense.

Under non-stress conditions urine color can be helpful but after intense heat exercise there's a lot of bad shit being pumped into the blood stream that the kidneys have to filter out, and well...  that can help mis-interpret unrine color as an indicator of hydration.

And that's the big problem. Hyponatremia has nearly identical symptoms as dehydration, except they are worse, far worse the further you go down the list:
But yeah...  individual results may vary and the only way to check for certain is to do blood test, not so easy to do after a big race. But treating low sodium levels as if you had high sodium levels in the blood (actually dehydrated) pushes you to the bottom of the list fast. And in many sad cases has killed a good number of people who thought they were doing the right thing.

Kind of like people eating a low fat diet following "advice" to avoid eggs and butter and saturated fats and eat sugary sweet fat free yogurt and be healthy. Skim milk for the win.

Heat adapt, watch what fluids you take in and how many, a bottle of ice water might actually do you a shit ton more good being dumped over your head than poured down your throat.

be safe, don't be dumb, have fun... stay cool

heddwch
G

Sunday, July 12, 2015

3 state Ride

Long ride.

Late night, little sleep (dogs barking at 3am, awake at 4 until 4:45, alarm at 5am), But hey I've got a day, stuff to do but I'm caught up on builds at the shop my brother is taking the day off so heck lets bump the mileage up this week with a little ride.

Brent (bentacol) set up this ride, a ride with Bettridge of double flat fame from the RdR. This route: http://www.brentacol.com/r/3state except we started from La Salle Bakery. Well they started there. I negotiated a 15 min delay so I could actually get there w/o waking up before 5. Although I was awake I probably should have just gotten up and left. But we'd pushed the start back a few.

Which was great because as it was I was hustling around for 25 min before I was able to get out the door.

Had to make coffee.

two long draw electric moka pot coffees. One per waterbottle, ice cubes and yeah. Coffee.

no food. grabbed emergency margarita blocks just to be safe, was tempted to dig into them but i held out, the sleeve is still sealed.

Wake up, make coffee, get on the Klein, go for a ride. 1 min late but they were patient and surprised it was only a minute late.

Headed out on that route (strava actual route i rode: https://www.strava.com/activities/344525911 ) and before too long (it seemed) we were on roads I'd ridden with James on the Longest Day ride. All the roads. The exact route.

Except we turned right and headed to mass instead of going left and into the Hospital and over to the North South Trail. That first big hill listed, Capron rd, I took in the little ring, but somehow something isn't right on the rear shifting and it was skipping. Not sure, maybe I grabbed the wrong chain or something's weird, or the cable tension keeps backing out. Dunno but it was almost un-rideable. I found a stable gear in the 42-19 though and climbed in that. After that? No more little ring.

And Buck hill in the 55x23 was not super easy. None of the hills were after that. I kept the 25 clean though.

Lots of high force, low cadence work. Legs feel TRASHED. In a good way.

No calories. Just on board internally. How many people set off on an 80+ mile ride w/o planning on eating or starting the day with fuel? I dunno, me? Factoring first the overnight glycogen top up, and an active focus on developing the fat burning energy pathway. The slow high force low cadence probably helped. I know if i'd taken some in I probably could have gone faster but then that would have meant more time waiting for Bettridge.

Who flatted his ROAD tubeless on Capron hill. I don't want tubeless road tires. Nope. No thanks. Give me my Durano Plus. If dave gets one more flat on a ride with me he'll tie with Becca, but on the plus side i didn't have to change any of David's flats. Or more descriptively dump out stans and put a tube in.

It was warm, but never too bad. Each hill was a flex of muscle as Brent went as hard as he could and I tried to stay with him or put him into more pain. I beat him on a few of them, even being overgeared. Contrast in opposites. Brent's not the biggest guy but he's not freak size, and here was the clydesdale freak climbing in a rediculously big gear being chased by a normal size human spinning a 34t middle ring.

Wound up with 83 on the clock, legs destroyed. Ate a Grillo's pickle wedge, took a shower with a UFO Big Squeeze. Got in bed, nearly fell asleep. Took the dogs for a walk with the girls to say hi to frank and nancy on the bike path handing out water, now time to get some stuff done here that I haven't been able to get to because i'm working every day all day and then destroyed when I get home, esp after I finish up making dinner.

Couldn't stop if I wanted to stop. But man it is nice riding on these roads. They are fantastic. So lucky. The Klein also rides so perfectly, fits so well, and my friends to ride with are all amazing people. Such a great morning, even if I'm just totally ready to keel over and pass out asleep.

Yes - with luck I'll have time to write up the big rides, taking these precious few minutes because I want to get it down and i can't move. hoping i can actually get out of the chair and start what I need to do.

Also. It is kind of warm today.

heddwch
G

Saturday, July 11, 2015

gear grinding

when someone starts blaming the obesity problem on lack of exercise and screen time and being inside.

not only is that pretty much completely wrong, it is dangersously wrong.

But how to approach and say "Hey you're an idiot, stop feeding the kids cereal, snacks, chips, soda, fat free yogurt, fill in the blank insulin spinking pop tart like stuff" without saying that?

Need to not care. I need to let the give a shit about shit and others and figure out how to turn off the empathy. But I can't it is me.

"HOME MADE HUMMUS IS AMAZING" yes, yes it is. super easy to make.

I buy dried garbanzo beans, soak them (they take a day+ to soak, usually I let them soak 2 days) then cook.

Once cooked and cooled, some Seasame King Roasted Tahini, lemon, freshly ground Cumin, extra hot cayenne pepper, lots of salt and a TON of garlic, some water, and lots of olive oil. Cuisinart food processor has kind of almost been relegated to hummus making only.

'bout the only time i use it.

Challenge with beans is they are loaded with enough sugar to cause an insulin spike, which is fine if you are in a glycogen depleted state and trying to recover, not so much if not.

It would be great if people we able to link insulin and obesity and weight control, but so much market capitalistic pressure to keep making money and exploit the confusion and keep people eating insulin spiking sugars.

You need topped up glycogen for CX, for any high intensity burst type exercise.  You don't need if for the stroll down the bike path on your bike. You don't need a bunch of gu's or bottles full of sugar or fancy designer glucose polymers to pedal at the slow speed I'm seeing.

I see people regularly, on my bike path, overweight people. They are out there riding, exercising, probably more than I am.

but they are fat.

look at all the "vacation" type running races. Look at the Peach Tree, or any Disney race. People train intensly for them, they run a ton (even if they run really slowly) and yet, most of them can't get enough exercise to offset the peice of toast in the AM, or the bowl of cereal, or the fill in the blank food. Low/No fat. It goes beyond the problem of chemical shit storm.

Well beyond that problem.

Goes well beyond the aversion to red meat (ideal source of iron, ideal sorce of bio-active amino-acids that omnivore/carnivors are genetically predisposed to). Sure it is possible to be aware of this and make it work avoiding it. Replacing carbs with protein is stupid and as close to wrong as is sticking to a low fat diet. You are what your food eats.

Stuggle bus.

I mean, who cares, but I do care, and i watch people struggle, weight watchers, points, this diet, 21 day challenge, OMG THESE SPECIAL CONTAINERS ARE AMAZING, south beach, diet after diet with no success, but then, habits and behaviorially they are destroying themselves right out of the gate.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

You're MUCH better off skipping it than eating anything that will cause ANY spike in insulin. Low GI, High GI don't matter, even low glycemic index shit causes a response and any response winds up doing bad shit.

But yeah, i'm the opinionated dickhead here, always spouting off on something or other. #marginalize and #ignore....

no wonder i'm crazy

crazy enough to wake up stupid early and try and get a ride in tomorrow because I had such a low mileage week and i want to pedal....

crazy enough to write about it to get it out of my head and not give a shit that everyone can see I'm crazy?

crazy enough...  kid came home with adzuki bean hummus report (was made to bring to potluck/party) RAVE REVIEWS #fuckyeah

Gotta get the 4 cups of garbanzo beans soaking here before the end of the night. Dinner making time first.

Lots of support for insane idea, from all camps but a very important one. Which kind of sucks. "Yes OMG TOTALLY WOULD BE PERFECT" from three people who I trust, who know me... and the final one "Really? why?" in the iworedettos vein 'le sigh'

Does writing help? one of the people I got overwhelming support for The Idea thinks so. I think so. I agree with FMVDB in that it is a process, helps sort shit out in my head. I could (and too often) have hair trigger reactions on twitter or FB but mostly I manage to restrain, pack it in, let it go, move on, let them have their fun or enjoy their misquided opinions based on whikked bad facts...

But then hummus makre, got in a good stab in the back, i've been going at it for 5 years+ talking about how amazing and how easy homemade hummus is...  he finally got it. I suppose I should work on the optimistic side and be happy he realized it, even if it took this long. getting there is getting there. So maybe the knife wound is self inflicted? I should be supportive and encouraging despite the first reaction. That makes a shit ton more logical sense, but saddly my initial response/involuntary reaction isn't that.

Self inflicted would absolutely be GeWilli style though.

is there any other way?

heddwch
G


Friday, July 10, 2015

rare... or exceptional

I'm a hyper-critical pain in the ass.

If you ask my opinion about anything chances are i'm going to find every f'n flaw and point it out and then i"ll feel bad because I'll also see that I caused some major pain in behing honest and observant and oblivously critical.

That's me, that's my life. Some how I find and see all the weak points. I should have been a structural engineer analyst #monetizethatshit but i'm not.

but sometimes there are exceptions, things where i can't find fault, no matter how hard I look for fault....

Firefly is one of those things.

Can't find fault.

Their bikes are perfect.

The three of them find this brilliant balance and deliver aethestic and creative and excutive perfection.

Not to take away from others with equal perfection like MikeyZ but there's something inspirationally intangible about what those three dudes have created.

and well... felt like saying as much.

Because why not.

heddwch
G

being so self aware is a curse

but sometimes it can be a blessing.

I've been meaning to talk with my good friend Deano for a while now. Float an insane idea past him, an idea that I had let slip a bit and let get out of the thinking/feeling me.

But email exchange last night about the team kit order and other stuff gave me an excuse to pick up the paperwork and we found an intersection in time and space that would facilitate an in person chat session, to catch up but float this idea past him.

An idea that last night I didn't realize how much power it held. An idea that kind of created a bit of a glow, some excitement.

Now, can I generate enough follow through, do I have the ability to figure out how to work through the loops and hoops to get it lined up?

I dunno but it would be worth trying, worth attempting. And just thinking about it has been worth it, that feeling, that self aware moment of glowing warmth at being happy.

Maybe that's my mojo, my driving force that fullfills me in a way I am missing, have always been missing?

We'll see. I have another idea/inspiration for the next cohesive Nanoscape collection. Need to get that going soon too, it will take a couple weeks before I can start working on it at the soonest but I'm flat out for the next month. Literally.  I tried to keep one day open next week, maybe to go for a ride, to work with my Brother, or just take one day off. No dice. Oh well, not that upset by it, a wee but frustrated but hey it is what it is, it means more days off later. Like take every friday off in CXy season or something. Or heck maybe even take the day off and go to them Wed night races i've never seemed to  be able to get to.

While I can't just flip a switch like some people, I can keep my head up and keep driving...

Now to push this all to the next level.

lots to do, way too much, but what else would I do if I didn't constantly have too much to do?

heddwch,
G

Thursday, July 09, 2015

head up, driving forward...

Start each day as if it is a clean slate.

Shed the baggage you brought along as the earth spins you away from the Sun.

Start the next day open to possibilities and hope you don't have something still stuck in your shoe from stepping deep into shit the day before.

FMVdB is right though, process, a documentation, and sort of a autocompleteing autobiography. And it helps. I read back through a bunch of the first entries here, confused by one, I must have changed the date to put it out of sight at the time? I dunno, but I sure as hell didn't write about being in New England and racing cross in 2004.

I've changed. Am changing I hope.

This morning I kind of want to label the mood and the pits of dispair almost a PTSD. Emotional PTSD. I'm not a clinical head shrink but i had a bit of clarity in the shower when the realization hit.

Reading the Surly blog post about Seth, didn't help much, and I agree that happiness is a state of mind, it isn't one that can be controlled by a flip of a switch. You can't just turn it on. Or off. "Snap out of it." Some people have success at it. Some fail completely. Obviosuly there's something missing, something that I can't either fix, get, figure out that is at the root cause of this spell. Enervated describes it pretty well.

Todd's been sharing this all day...  I finally took a minute to watch it:

"breath in strength, breath out bullshit"

Effecitve? kind of.
I like that guy's At The Bar series. Funny and well done: http://www.jasonheadley.com/ATB.html

When you look around and see lots of people doing absolutely wrong things, and you're aware of it and aware they have no good reason for doing it or no idea that it is wrong...  and you just have to keep quiet about it....  Is that worse than trying to explain to people you are close to what they are doing wrong and how to make changes and explain all the science and physiology and psycology behind it and have it all ignored to the detriment of their health? Probably a contributor to going crazy. Combine that with my being a good case study of why vacations are vitally important and needed.

But then sometimes something makes you laugh, and you feel a little lighter a bit better.

Like that.

Of course it faded over the 2 hrs since i watched it and haven't been able to close this out.

but maybe i'll find the motivation to push forward and get a good ride in tonight. Something more than the 1.5 mile ride from the car to office.

I keep reminding myself, this forced decrease is a good think. Let the legs recover a bit, freshen up after June, be ready for training load in August. maybe be more prepared for the CXy season. I'd contemplated pulling the plug, avoiding the costs, the time, the travel, but I know it would make me even more miserable, and it gives me a goal. But adds the pressure of finding more fitness than I started last year with. Mojo. where'd that mojo go.

Mojo or no... head up, driving forward... watching the matrix unfold, knowing i can only control the smallest of events... breath in some strength, breath out the bullshit

heddwch
G

comments and black holes

kind of funny,

i spent a bit of time in the car tonight, had to pick up my brother and his family from the airport.

good chance to drive around and think.

One line of thinking was that blog posts are kind of like posting a black hole, mostly lately esp.

Way back in them olden days we measured posts by views and comments, BSNYC more or less had a contest as to who could post first... a race for the bored and lonely. HEY I WON BY BEING FASTEST ON THE INTERNETS! Hey. I know someone who was so stoked by winning they couldn't stop talking about winning for MONTHS.

Got me thinking, big Thom's tweet (instead of comment) pushed the ball rolling...  while people still write blog posts, people don't comment anymore, they make disconnected tweets, allude to contacts, or otherwise avoid directly interacting with a web log, because that's unclean and not fashionable now.

Thoughts while driving. Thinking. It isn't just now, it is years in the making, years in the building. Hell FFS i get a blog comment that covers the last half dozen+ posts on Strava, on a ride i didn't even bother naming "afternoon ride" IIRC. I have no idea who the person named in the comment is, but maybe it is a boston boxer? I'm sure solobreak will school me. i'm a punk ass kid, what the fuck do i know.

While this is all floating around in my head while i'm driving i'm thinking about something else.

Because i can't not think about shit. I can't.

I was thinking about the fact that i'm best at being told there is a problem, and finding a solution. I fix shit that's broken, i am really good at seeing problems and issues from many points of view and providing a myriad of options. Also the stubborness of not being defeated by machines. I'll keep going through logical progressions of shit until i can identify WHY they motherfuckingpeiceofshit is broken, OR until it stops being broken.

Today was a good example of that.

Got it working by sheer determination, was worried the streak on the old workhorse was about to end.

One variable at a time.

You can't fix shit with a shotgun. You need a sniper with a single round, bolt action, contemplate before the next shot. Did that solution work? yes, no. be honest, ego has nothing to do with this. fix? no fix? no fix? what's the next target. Stay focused until a solution is found.

So why can't i fix me as well as i can fix machines?

Very good question. Some asshole (not me, i'm not the last of the species and plenty of 'friends' who don't give a shit about me enough to care, plenty who do, and i'm just crafty enough to keep everyone off balance) probably wonders why i'm a basket case more than when I'm not. No answer.

It is late. very late. I'm awake. Can't sleep. So I'm writing here instead of tweeting, or FB'n, although no desire to post on FB, urge to bitch on twitter is strong, and worrysome.

But hey.

I'm tired. But wide awake. Tomorrow is going to suck, but I can't make it better. I'm seriously depressed about not having at least a week of vacation this summer, it is weighing heavily on me, but what can i do? Pretty much nothing. I can take a week off during holy week, but while that might be awesome, it is still a stupid ton of cash and a long way off.

heck i have an opportunity to 'upgrade' the vehicle, but i can't.

but i'll keep working. in the last three months, there have been two days I haven't been drawing salary or hourly, one of the days was the 4th of July (but i was working on the minivan -w/o success, guess i have to repalce the stupid expensive part afterall) and then sometime mid-may.

back to the black hole...

to some degree i don't care who reads, if anyone reads...  google analytics is horrible, not a good measure, the other site i don't even check, that said the measure of social media success is in contacts and interactions, and with that measure this blog is a good reflection of me. No one interacts anymore. Okay Fatmarc broke down and commented on the Denali dog movie...  that doesn't count.

But does it?

it is what it is, but still feels more like a black hole, a sensory deprivation chamber, than a social environment.

And maybe that's a good thing.

Probably a very good thing.

I often feel like I've spent the first 44/45 years as a loser, at one point I had deluded myself into thinking maybe I had a chance at winning but yeah, nope. The next chapter i'm sure will be just as dramatic, i can't avoid that shit, i don't expect that to change. but will i feel like writing to the black hole to document it as i have for the last 10+ years....

time will tell...

it always does...

heddcwh
G



Wednesday, July 08, 2015

Better words than I have

being pro is pro...

these are beautiful words.
http://www.gq.com/story/food-and-life

food... and life....

So I settled in, between the filing cabinets and teetering stacks of paper, and we talked about the finer points of kitchen design: how he, at his Madison, Connecticut, home, had a wall made of reclaimed barnwood on which most of the pots, pans, and other implements he used hung within easy reach. How one should, of course, have a gas stove but opt for the consistency of an electric oven, preferably placed high on the wall, to avoid excessive bending. How, contrariwise, a side-by-side fridge and freezer is a waste of space and the freezer as bottom drawer is preferable. How most gadgets are useless and fail the Closet Test—i.e. that anything you stick in one will never be used. How there should be good light, good music, and a good view, if possible, and a place for your guests to perch to drink wine and watch you work.

and cooking and sharing the creation of it with others

heddwch
G

Eating your whole lunch at 10:15am

Is a super terrible idea, esp when there's no more food in the office.

Lots of great benefits here, but free and available food stuffs are not among them.

I had opened this window to write up the ride to the #CBL compound, deciding to write about the two big june riding adventures in reverse order.

I ate lunch, more of a brunch, not hungry anymore I opened this up to start writing. Then a busted laser, and two hours of emailing and scheduling and logistical shell game I decided to give up on this attempt but then to be old GeWilli style and blog about fucking everything, instead of making noise in other social media outlets.

I've been introspecting a shit ton and not writing about these realizations. Seems odd maybe to feel like you're finally finding yourself, but then not quite, or getting lost in some of that old fog.

Reflecting on leaders, how people work with people. Bike shop stuff mostly, my wife's job situation factors in there too. I'm an observer, I notice stuff, some stuff though I'm pretty damn oblivious unfortunately but then over the years I have realized I pick up on much more than most more than making up (if I can stay positive for 5 min) for what I miss. Maybe. Damn that was more like 5 seconds of being positive.

In the middle of everything I did some how wind up here: http://www.simplethingcalledlife.com/2015/leonard-nimoy-jfk-kennedy-cab/ reading that...

"But what do you think?"

As little as I feel I focus on me I realize I'm doing what I think i need to do, what I need to and rarely do I slow down to ask 'what do you think?' mostly because there's little communication beyond simple need level activities.

It leads into the leadership thing though. "What do you think?" Soliciting feedback, considering other's points of view are strong leadership tactics. You don't have to actually use their ideas, but different suggestions may help you see a solution in a new way.

not being very successful at staying on topic or on point or making any sense.

my bike commute is 1.5 miles right now. the car is acting a wee bit funny. and I'm hungry again.

and out of time...

and overwhelmed...

but visually looking at this prompts me to probably make myself late (but that's nothing new)

that's one of the bigger problems with social media stuff - there's little room for (by design?) and few behave on the "what do you think?" level, they are more "this is what you should think" or "this is what i think and if you dissagree i'm going to say something mean and sound like a bully and all my like minded friends that support me and also dissagree will back me up. Lets gang up on that guy who might actually have a point, a weak point, but still maybe valid, because yeah, thats what FB and stuff is for."

I'm making observations here, not judging, not singling out a single event, just condesing years of watching and observing and remembering...

oh and i haven't watched even a minute of the TDF coverage, first year ever that maybe I didn't see any Giro coverage, not one minute of it. Big reason was just being too busy, other reason, just don't care honestly. More excited to hear about stuff like Bradford did...  even reading Ryan's blog about the 200 on 100... way more interesting. Can't really get excited about mt bikes though, sorry.

oh shit now i'm in trouble, time to fire up hyperspeed despite feeling suddenly really tired #oops

heddwch
G

Monday, July 06, 2015

oh twitter

so dumb, how do i count the ways... (it isn't dumb, it is just what it is, it is twitter, life facebook it has a purpose but it can feel unpleaseant and harsh and isolating although sometimes it can be the opposite)

how about I count in deleted tweets? I guess the tweets deleted AFTER careful crafting and composition to get the idea w/in 140...  that got deleted...  and more now, should have left as draft overnight i guess.

Yeah so i'm in a soured mood.

Accepting but dealing with but still soured mood.

DRIVING past the now open linear part bridge is painful. I get to do it pretty much for the next two weeks. Even if we ride in to summer intensive, we'd still ride past it and not use it.

Murphy's even more of an asshole than I am. And just ask everyone, that's almost impossible.

But it is what it is. July is stacking up to be the antithesis of June. 4 miles today? Maybe? Sure, that's kind of the opposite of 187 or so.

or 60...

not to mention the car is kind of not sounding good. The motor is solid. That I have a handle on. It is the rust and the bushings and the trailing arms and that stuff. Stuff that once you get to this point you kind of have to just take the tranny and the engine out and put it in a donor car (or can I dream and put it in a Vanagon?)

Okay the motor isn't solid - i need to replace the seals in the IP, and drop the tranny and replace the crank seal. IP seals much more likely. I've dropped the tranny before. It sucks on this car. That said the leaking fuel is helping to dissipate the oil drops. I'll fix it, don't worry, my list of shit i have to fix is long, but it isn't static, and sometimes I get to things on the list before they fail.

Life is fun eh?

opportunity to snag a brilliant replacement wagon for the rusty race wagon, will likely slip away because, well I just can't. Inconceivable to most but i have a few (very few) friends who get it.

This isn't the awesome write up about the insanely awesome ride with JLSCX, or the invaluable time seeing people I really care about in person at the CBL compound...

I'd love to say i'll get to that.

But i'm not getting to it tonight, and my normal web logging hours are screwed for a couple weeks...

also the realization of the impossibility of taking anything more than a day or two off for the next 3-6 months has settled in, and is almost inexpressible depressing. I don't need more depressing shit. My bikes and car are worse than scrap by any "average" standard, but fortunately life is best measured by standards that don't involve cars or material transportation devices.

I do remind myself that....  and it helps...

Others pursue material possesions...  i'm different, and like I said last time, the only person who really needs to come to terms with who I am is me.

Working on it.

along with everything else...

Dinner is ready, girls are served, I suppose I should eat...  food's important, esp when made by hand for those you love, and if there is any left over for yourself then that's not so bad. Right?

heddwch
G

Sunday, July 05, 2015

Zucchini Noodle Salad, gewilli style

I've seen a variation of this dish in a few places lately, idea in my head to try it... so

Picked up some extra Zucchinis (on sale) the other day and well why not for 4th of july dinner meal
A photo posted by geoff (@ge_willi) on

it was very good, yeah linking a 'gram in here. horrors!

Ingredients:
cubanelle pepper
medium size onion
1 yellow squash
2 zucchini

First half the onion, peel and de-stem it, then slice into slivers GeWilli style. Put those in a medium size bowl and soak in cold water, drain and repeat two more times.

While soaking the onions dice the pepper into small cubes. you could use a red pepper for color, but the cubanelle adds the tiniest bit of heat and a varation of green that looks good (I probably would have put a red pepper in with it but I didn't have one on hand).

Drain the water from the onions, add the peppers to that bowl and then add some apple cider vinegar and some rice wine vinegar, a bit of salt and some dried oregano. Mix and let marinate.

Peel the squash and the zucchini with a veggie peeler of if you're lucky a mandolin would work nicely for this. Goal is to make thin ribbons. Peeling and rotating after three or four ribbons seems to work. The seeded section of the yellow squash was not used (it was fed to the guinea pig).

These went into a larger bowl. Once all peeled I poured a tablespoon or three of extra virgin olive oil over the ribbons of zucchini and gently coated them all.

Just before serving I put the onion pepper vinegar mix in with the wide thin ribbons. And gently tossed it together. Added some black pepper, and a bit of balsalmic vinegar.

Fresh, light, very yum. Went well with the dry rub charcoal grilled chicken thighs covered in some smokey mesquite BBQ sauce for dinner.

Saturday, July 04, 2015

so far behind

yet not so much...

in web log world? yeah I'm a disaster, weeks behind.

Hugest shit to write up. JLSCX and me and pedaling and Abel and pedaling and Chip and people and stuff...

I've said it other places but realizing and recognizing it hasn't been easy, isn't easy, won't ever be... what it easy?

easy for who? it is easy to make life easy when you only factor one variable: yourself.

Lots of people argue that focusing on yourself should be the first and most important priority.

Seems wrong to me.

Seems exploitive and is far to easy to hurt others w/o guilt or emotional penalty.

::I'm learning to live with who I am, figuring out how to leverage what I do best, and what I suck at and balance the two into being okay with me. And that's always been my challenge. Me. not others, me dealing with me.::

I've known it for a while, taken too long to recognize it. and to vocalize it and accept it.

I have to be me first.

But in being me, I still have to live with me, and honestly that does put pretty much everyone i care and can help squarely ahead of me on the priority list.

Anyway...

this week's challenge, get everything accomplished. A very compressed week. After an extremely stressful month, in both the TSS and work TSS and emotional TSS and every other thing you can measure...  btw what the fuck does TSS mean?

The month of June started off great, got fucking derailed hard, rebounded and then I just physically destroyed myself working three jobs, riding 187 miles with James (this wasn't no lame ass sissy lets ride on the same road for 300km, this was a nagivational nightmare, an unfamiliar route, and done by a couple old 45+ master dudes), then THEN I had to cover for my brother at his remodel job, deal with increasing work stress, keep the weekly wed Night ride going and then of course I had a moronicly stupid but equally awesome and special idea to ride up to Abel's going away party/bbq at Chip's place.

Not just ride there, ride there, sleep on the CBL guest couch, then ride back to WORK the next day.

I got home from that, and knew i'd pushed too far.

The month was a success: 30 days or riding, I was in good spirits at the end of the month, the evil that had poisoned me had been dealt with and released...  moving in positive direction.

But....

I.
was.
completely.
burnt.
out.

Maybe because I'm getting old but I kind of have this sneaking suspicion that looking back, that would have had a similar impact on all but maybe two people I know.

Flip side: I had made it through June and survived.

Downside? I had a shit ton of stuff to do this week: build bikes, because dude I need the cash. fix Fox's bike because he asked me to and well... yeah have to. Fix wife's minivan/daily driver. Find time for me to recover and be able to survive.

Work this week was insane. Short week made shorter by my bits of pedaling, but even shorter by other things that belong in the story the ride not here.

Work being insane means more that it is a nightmare of juggling schedules and demands. where does it all fit in? Well in three hours I managed to pretty much ensure I'm not getting anything I need to get done next week besides get people up to speed on the scopes they want to use. And that also means NOT getting about as many people up to speed as they want, or express that they want. Too many of them are "I NEED TRAINING NOW" and then don't use it for weeks if at all. I'm getting better at sniffing them out but it still happens, and as crazy as it is now, the fear of it being a bigger problem is haunting me a bit.

Procedural stuff right? Job. Get Paid. This is what I'm good at... in theory at least. One of the things.

In the end, I've fixed the minivan (I hope, maybe maybe not) Fox's bike is almost ready to crush it (almost in that I need to remember to see if I have a pulley bushing that isn't in his lower jockey wheel and is causing problems) but every thing else is done, shop? I have bikes to build tomorrow. That's the last peice of get it all done.

I haven't written about the most amazing ride with James, and trust me, even if i don't write about it...  amazing, it was one of those transformative moments in many ways. Abel's ride/party/those people. Must comment. Must comment how much I realize how valuable actually seeing people in person is. How emotional and raw and deep the connection is. This daily talking thing on the internet, or even occasional talking thing, means nothing. We're f'n Human. In person is what matters. That's what is important. That is where the real power lies and will always remain. And it was the most positive and powerful reminder two weeks in a row.

Haven't done a pile of other stuff. But reflecting today after pulling the EGR valve, cleaning the EGR pipe and the valve, riding to get new gaskets, getting Fox's bike finished. Stuff I had to do. To fix the minivan and the EGR I had to ride to TFGreen. That's a shitty ass ride. And not a short one. But I did it.
Stopped to help a mom riding with her boys, one of the bikes couldn't keep the chain on. Chain too loose, single speed coaster brake. I fixed it and helped her understand what she needed to to to make it work, she was grateful, but it was simple, I helped, and rode away to get the van.

"Do You Need Help?"  I've asked it a handful of times lately riding. That incident with the chain was one of the few lately that someone didn't say "No" or other decline....

I got most everything done. Still lots left to do. Crazy amount to do but i got what i needed to get done in this window accomplished. Granted there's too much left to do and I should have been doing something other than sleeping and reading and recovering when I wasn't doing the rest. But.

It was needed. If I hadn't slowed down and read. Hadn't not done a few things. I'd have been without the energy or forces to do what was needed.

Next couple/three weeks look like hell. But ah whatever. so what if I got a pretty crappy raise this year, it is still better than the years I got nothing.

CX is coming. Soon.

And I can't wait, but I can wait. It will be here when it is here. I'm trying to convert the black blue into a single speed but there's no BB30-english 68mm exccentric that I can find. Soooo that leaves tensioner. The state of my bikes is another insane question, but you know, they work. I want to see what the failure point is. I found it on the Giant, so yes i have one compeltely dead and useless frame I can't warranty, My other two CX bikes are unwarranteeable because they are from some dead company. So when they break, done. Like the ebay Giant.

Very much rambling. Fireworks going off. The dogs are freaked out. Yay 'murica!

Gonna read for a while now, fall asleep, wake up and go to work. and do everything else i need to do tomorrow which is a growing list of near-impossible.

There are words in my head that want to come out. Driving this whole mess honestly. But best to let those feelings be lost, that motivation slip off into forgotten land, harness the drive but not acknowledge the negative bitter fuel behind the motivation.

That's me. that's my burden. the manifestation of emotional pain. I internalize so much, feel too much, but at the same time am the biggest asshole anyone will ever meet. But then I guess does that make me one of the nicest assholes anyone will ever meet? Nothing I care to worry about but do occasionally think about. Not a crown or title i'm looking for.

I'm me. I'm a fucking enigma. Destined to really be alone, not wanting to be but knowing it is best that way, but not alone in the sense that i've made some amazing friends who, each and every one I'm grateful for. I realize that i can go years w/o seeing someone and not dimish the feeling of comradarie...  not unique to me, but a cool human quirk.

Definitely rambling now, but then I guess this is better than drinking and sending dronk emails. Not that I'm dronk but hey 4th of July, shouldn't I be? It would be the murican way! No, I'm writing and reading and cooking and keeping busy.

Soon I'll write up the big rides. I don't think I'm making it to Diamond hill. Too far away. Too much work to be done, too many compounding logistics no matter how much I want to ride a Santa Cruz that fits me.

heddwch
G

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Solstice pre-ride musings

Today is the solstice. Ride Studio Cafe​ did a sunset to sunrise ride last night on the shortest night of the year, and they looked a bit wet but I love the idea.

My insane plan is to ride tomorrow a nice long ride. Leaving before Sunrise (5am depature, 5:10 sunrise) and really hoping to be back before sunset at 8:23.  But this is the first time I'll be attempting a ride this long. Going to get all the elevation out of the way in the first 100+ miles, hopefully the last 80 will be tolerable and the winds favorable.

My scientificially designed special ride fuel cookie bars are in the oven, i'll make a pile of farm egg breakfast sandwiches at 4am to fuel me and JLCX. Gonna be not super easy, but Jobst Brant would approve of this ride, I hope. This insanity. So in his memory, and to take advantage of being able to spend time with a dear friend before he leaves for where they brew Fat Tire Ale, tomorrow is happening.

The ride is called the Four Hills of the Apocalypse. College Hill, Diamond Hill, Buck Hill, and Watch Hill (and back to College hill and then to Riverside). To make it truely All RI we'd need to hit jamestown and aquidneck Islands but as it is we're look at ~180 miles if we don't get off course, so "f'the islands" save those for the next iteration.

Sometimes you set out to do stuff because you know you can. Sometimes you stretch the goal to the unknown.

Tomorrow we're going to the unknown.

Tomorrow I'm riding my bike. On an improbably route. With the a wonderful friend. Because how esle would you celebrate all the happening? By riding...  Riding the Klein. Connecting Cali/New England/MIT/Washington State/Pine Street Pro Shop/Velocipede Peddler​...

Now, lets see about making some dinner! Gotta fuel up!

My oldest just declared the GeWilli's yummy. So the ride fuel is ready to go.

Full disclosure I also went all white flour, no whole wheat, need to reduce amount of poop given fueling issues, so going to the less fiber side, more just pure fuck up your insulin.

I suppose i should get the bike ready? Wait till you see the GeWilli style handlebar bag. it is going to be awesome.

I'm looking forward to hanging with James all day. Kind of (alot) dissapointed that the Prov Velo guys all misplaced their balls and courage, but then the more insane and crazy the route, the fewer people you're going to find to join in.

Fortunately for me and James, well shit we'll have all the ice cream and pedaling awesomeness to ourselves. Now, Maybe if Taylor Swift had donuts and coffee ready down in Watch Hill, THAT would be amazing.

ok...  NOW we cook the dinner. because it is father's day, and I'm cooking the mean that the youngest has been begging to have for a week.

heddwch
G

Friday, June 19, 2015

I have a really good idea

Lets plan a nearly (and probably will wind up at) 300km ride on Monday to celebrate the solsitice and do something really insane on the bike.

And the week before? Lets pick up a 3rd job, but keep doing the other two because you have to. Oh and also get ready for the culmination of a year of dance for the oldest.

Same week.

At least waking up every morning before 5am should make Monday easier. Even if I'm a zombie. But hey, zombies can be something other than slow right?

Was going to tweet but decided not to... calling it pulling a ShopKitty. Working all the jobs because all the bills. Getting shot down for wanting to be able to spend, all be it a very extravagant for me but reasonable, $250 was motivating. Or something.

So. i'm cooked.

But 10 years ago I showed up in RI and spent a week in orientation/working, and then heading back to my Brother's place and helping him demo/remodel his mother in law's kitchen.

Back at both, but this time working at the bike shop, dealing with flakey scopes and constantly managing systems even remotely while I'm at two other jobs. So yeah. I'm back working with my brother. I've got a ton of vacation days I'll never use. Might as well take half a day if my work schedule will let me and and help him. He's got way more work than he can get done so any help means maybe he can get another job done and maybe get everyone's stuff finished.

BTW being ambidexterous is very helpful when the screw shooter fucks up right handed but works perfectly left handed.

ALso noted that my hands were fucked 10 years ago dealing with plaster and slats and demo/remodel. Now? I dunno they're pretty impervious now. All the bikes, the wrenching, the cooking, the chopping, the working with the hands.

I should be pulling a chip and doing some housework right now. But I'm physically wrecked after this week. Mental broken. Not so much in a bad place like usual but more a holy fuck i'm too tired to give a shit.

Kind of Ominous leading into Monday. Every one of the Prov velo guys who tentatively said they'd join have bailed. Maybe Brian will stil join and help guide the last stretch. But Still.

Given this week Monday is insane. But actually even more energizing. I'm looking forward to the challenge. I haven't had a day off the bike all month, I'm exhausted, but I'm so stoked that JLSCX is going to join in this most insane of mental attempts.

I've got a few things I think I can turn into a food cache handelbar bag. Weather keeps shifting. I was excited for the overcast rain, but now, hey no rain i guess is okay. I'll have to sunscreen up I guess.

Phone batter issue...  would be great to have that Magellen/Shimano fivehundred whatever computer tracking the route instead but hey, whatever, I think I can probably run on just GPS and cell (no 3/4G) and survive with the external battery. Maybe. Or just fuck it all and airplane mode and take a couple photos at each of the hills.

Toying with food ideas still. Absolutely have to make some GeWilli's duh. JLSCX mentioned making a batch of rice cakes, so we'll see what else we need. Maybe shit we just have to stop and get ice cream if we pass a creamery. That might delay everything a bit though.

gleekdon called me 'Thor' today at the shop, i guess the hair is long enough now. Another link to 10 years ago. Long haired GeWilli showed up here in RI back then. 10 years ago.  Whikked fat (245# legs w/o any muscle all fat). 38" waist.  Now pretty stable at the 34...

Dinner...  making...  writing between prep steps....

Can't stop... would like to stop.

But then that's rim brake life for you.

Hydro Disc is the dream.

no?

Pretty sure Gary Klein would have put them on every bike if they were a viable technology while he was still in charge.

Heddwch
G


Monday, June 15, 2015

Four Hill of the Apocalypse Ride... tweak



There's a good secure parking lot at the start on this map, also parking up at the top of the bike path, or of course somewhere in the city.

The lower section there along route 1, I've already made a few tweaks...  attempting to commit route to memory, at least memory enough to minimize cue sheet and to minimize time looking at interactive map on phone.

#inprogress


On track maybe?

Maybe not.

Better headspace? Yes. Why?

No clue. Other than time. Like a big old steam ship it takes me a long time to get back on course. Too much surface above water, easily influenced by winds and weather out of my control. Need a deeper Keel, need some sea anchors that can be thrown out as a preventive measure.

I'll work on that.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

derailment **

reverting to draft

the last post...

because i recognize i'm in a deep dark unhappy very sad frustrated place and the words probably shouldn't be shared w/o a day or two of reflection/editing

momentary derailment

::slightly edited, from a much better headspace today.. but it is a good documentation of the process i suppose, poorly written and fraught with typos as all this shit is here but i'm no copy editor::

My struggles are realer than most first worlders. That's well documented here I think. Are there solutions? fixes? Yes. But most of them entail sacrifices that would compromise someone else, aka my family. Can't do that. Because while i'm a selfish asshole i'm not selfish enough to put myself in front of them.

That's me.

But I'm struggling, looking for motivation, and one thing I know I need is a few more metrics than phone based strava can provide. I'd also love to just let my old phone be phone/camera and not phone/camera/strava device. Hell last week I started the ride with full charge and made it to the shop with 1% left. It was a 40 mile ride.

My little brother sitting in Microscoft land there in seattle is a big fanboy of their heavy phones and OS "not open source no chance for virus" he doesn't like the andriod stuff or the offerings of the cult of the fruit. But then he had people who work at the big M giving him phones. Hell give me phones and I might be more favorable about it, but with those heavy ass ones? probably not much more favorable than now. But the battery life on them is probably significantly better than my old Moto RzrM.

Too much airing of contentious dirty laundry but meh, who cars, the only people I know with MS phones are from Seattle or work for Zeiss (most of them phones have 'zeiss' lenses). And correctly pointed out by the people in blue, them phones are better than the blackberry they had before.

More to MY point. I had a solution, one I (fucking stupidly) let myself get optimistic and excited about. Nope. Shot down cold. Not much of a glimmer of hope left...

It would have certainly make the Four Hills of The Apocalypse ride easier. But that window of opportunity is gone now. No chance to get one in time, and that is a big unfortunate trigger. But hey

Then again, the drive train on the black blue that I ride every f'n day is so far gone it scares me. It doesn't shift well, the chain is so worn that under load it will skip on the little chain ring. And the big ring looks as sharp and pointed as the jockey wheels on the rear der. It is bad. Like holy shit how do you ride it bad. The only thing saving my broke ass bacon is the fact that Shimano makes some quality fucking shit.

So today I'm gonna do the whole shoping trip, pick up dancers/carpool, and cook some dinner. L found a recipe/menu item she would like to have tonight out of the Feed Zone. She loves that cook book, esp the ideas, also she knows by looking at the recipe that they are pretty bland and need some extra seasoning, and she had suggestions.

One of my teammates has an equation for happiness...  right now, I can point to that as pretty much why I'm not, why I'm struggling.

But hey, if I wasn't always struggling, that would be f'n boring. Right?

I did talk to Bob from Bikeworks MA today, no TT this summer. "Maybe a MTB one" but no tremont tradditional one. It is over.

Guess I have to do what I feared and add another obligation to my shouldered load and do what I wish someone else could step up and do but since my motivations are to help me I guess I just have to do what I always do and do it myself... that GPS thing has a HRM and rear wheel pick up sensor thing, would mean I could make each commute count (keeping HR in recovery zone) and could do trainer intervals (20 min and 20/20s)...  but yeah. Summer kid care bills are kind of more important even if I am the one working the second job to try and pay for it all.

Bad head space eh? I shouldn't air anymore of my brain's challenges but I've also kind of stopped caring and also have realized anyone still reading this has heard it all before. So...  Yeah...

Running out of time, need to let go of these few minutes to myself and get back to doing everything that makes everything work.

heddwch
G


Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Life is about our relationship with Dogs...

it can be, and for many it is.

I'm one of those.

I've had gaps w/o dogs...  but the years with, filled with far more...

That's what this film hurts so much. Aches and tugs at the heart strings.

I started crying after a minute or so, didn't stop for a long time after the film had finished.

If only every dog had this beautiful of a tribute, our companions deserve such spectacular treatment.

Life is made more beautiful with our dogs...

the narrative is humorous but intensely emotional, gut wrenching and in a way brings every emotional connection and pain we have to our companions.

My neighbor made a comment, about having dogs for so many years, he's old, retired, he said he couldn't bring himself to bring another dog home because he couldn't bear to live through the pain of losing another one.

There is little emotional pain comparable.... And yes - i've been reading lots of WWII stuff lately, the pain they all went through, Unbroken, Boys in the Boat, All the light we cannot see, life is strange and the meaning strong, but the connection with our dogs, when we make the connection. When the few of us who do make these connections make them... it is different.

Like Mike F said in the Pure Sweet Hell video narrative, those who get it know intrisicly...

literary liberty requested, hope that's okay Chip and Lesli, but I think it fits.

heddwch
G

Sunday, June 07, 2015

2015 Mark Nicholson Memorial Ride

A few photos https://goo.gl/photos/1QdswdiV1E1Aj8LF6 from the ride.

June 11 is the day we lost him. Two days before that he rode smackdown with us. I've written about that smackdown ride.

It was as informal as last year, but a bit different. Scotty B was in town from way out in the boonies of Canada, Sandy drove the two of them down from Boston for the ride. And lots of the team showed up. 9 Prov Velo kitted up people. 5 others. Not a HUGE ride but big enough.

Jessica took the team photo for me, and we rolled out, Costa showed up Scott G, PKS, and there was David B's friend. The ride started out on the usual smackdown. Headed to the first sprint point and then veering off towards Burlingame, down Burlingame. This was a no-drop ride. A social, but spirited ride. A few of those who were pushing it a bit or just going faster than the others had to wait a bit but it was pretty awesome.

It is a huge reason why riding is so fun. A group ride, where you can just go out and talk, and relax, and share in your passion, and have fun. Brent and I shared stories and memories of MLFN a bit as we were riding. He planned the route. He's good at it, knows the roads and loves the maps check out Brentacol if you need proof.

Costa mentioned that the original MLFN smackdown route is the first ride he ever did when get got into cycling. He found that route that Mark had laid out and started riding on it.

It was pretty f'n emotional for me honestly. But in a good way. Heck I'm crazy emotional too much of the time anyway. too many feels bottled up. Life's strange, and wonderful.  I know I was impacted by just being close to finishing reading the final book in the Hyperion series. I was reading until 12:30am and I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, then woke up and made coffee and read. And had 40 min left in the book (kindle must have some way of guessing how fast one reads, page turns i guess - it is accurate) But I also had 45 min to get to the start of the ride. I was going to have to wait to finish the book when I got back home.  Ugh. But also it was at the part of the book where things were blossoming into awesomeness. So it was good stuff that I was getting to. It wasn't the easiest read at times but it was also extemely compelling and well crafted, tragic but fullfilling. And it tied in very much to Mark's love of life, and general loving gentle spirit.

The ride was over almost too soon. Suddenly we were on the blackstone bike path, talking and rolling along, and then...  the destination that Andrew and Brent were looking forward to. Hartley's Pork Pies. I didnot partake, but most everyone else did. We lingered there a bit while people ate the pork, beef or chicken pies, dripping sauce and grease through their fingers onto the sidewalk, and everyone seemed to enjoy them.

Initially I'd had hopes of gathering after for coffee somewhere, sitting down and talking, just hanging out. But that wasn't meant to be. I was asked to work at the shop for the Hope Street fair and more or less needed to ride up there, and others sort of split off and around. Brent and a few rolled off first. The rest of us left Hartleys a minute or two later, and Kirk Fox and I were joined by Jessica as we headed to the east side. Jessica peeled off down Main and the three of us headed up to 4th and Hope.

We had a few beers at the shop after wrapping up the day. Lots of laughs, good times. I rolled home, the rest of the gang headed to the Ivy to try and watch that horse race thing.

I made it home, finished the book, had one more beer, and suddenly was really really tired. But good tired, full filled and full of love and hope and warmth. Writing now, knowing I have to head back to the shop to work some more (there's work to do, and bills to pay), and then grab food on the way home to cook dinner, going to drag the trailer. Have to check see if I have any brake pads I can slip in the front on the black blue. Pad holder on Rim... aluminum on aluminum, not good for either, also loud.

One more coffee perhaps, maybe some food...  then I join the hoards on the bike path and make my way slowly and patiently along into the big city.

-g



Wednesday, June 03, 2015

big crazy ride idea for 2015

Big rides - talk floating around off line got me thinking.

I've been grumbling about needing one, and well... shit why do something simple?

Looks like I might get something in this weekend on Saturday, the MLFN memorial ride. A lower key than smackdown team ride in rememberance/memory of Mark Nicholson. Everyone is welcome to join, meet at DePasquale Square at 9am for ~40 miles of spirited conversational paced social kind of ride.

Tonight is smackdown and those two events along will make this one of the biggest weeks in a long time.

Perfect timing after no sleep last night. But hey timing is never really all that favorable for me is it. Nah.  But sometimes I get lucky...

Planning big stupid ride.

Got route sort of figured out even. Simple one. Not original, I'm sure someone else has probably done it before.

Basically hit the Northeast corner of RI, then the Northwest, then the Southwest and then head home via Narragansett. Roughtly 175 miles. All in RI. It isn't a 200 in RI but heck would be easy enough to just keep going south for 12.5 miles after getting to my house and maybe even ride across Mt Hope bridge just to put feet down on Aquidneck Island and hit the 200 in RI.  But I'm not Ted King or TimmyJ or RTK. From my house to through College Hill then Diamond Hill to Buck Hill to Watch Hill back to College Hill and home...

All the hills.  "Four Hills of Rhode Island Ride." https://goo.gl/maps/rVz4U
Maybe have to call it the " Four Hills of the Apocolypse "
There ya go - strava name already.

Typical GeWilli ride = unsupported, ride from home, loop, stupid long. And I'll probably be the bonkiest/slowest of the participants.

Fisher Sci annual vendor cook out was today, I may have had one too many burgers. Hoping the food converts to fuel tonight.

Focusing on work and the big ride have helped brighten the day a bit. But only a little.

Hoping for the legs to show up tonight.

We'll see...

not feeling super wordy at the moment...

heddwch
G



Thursday, May 28, 2015

RdR2015 closing the book, final installment

Can't focus on anything else today, so instead of eating all the food I wish I had brought for lunch i'm going to try writing to avoid thinking about being hungry with lots of amazing restaurants w/in one block that might as well be miles away for as much good as they are doing for me here.

Too long maybe to capture all the details from the end of the last installment...

I took a break in the story just after we stopped for secret bootleg beers. Dave was in bonky town already and we were all cruising down the trail. Davey wasn't going super fast but I was okay with just hanging out on his wheel, with Alex on my heels. Part of the team was together and we'd catch up again sometime soon. There was a good conga line that we were able to follow w/o much trouble even as the leading edge of the group got away from us.

It got a bit fuzzy from that point. Mostly because of the kind of sectional nature of the ride. Single track here linked with roads there. Groups together, splitting up, reforming.

Over-riding feeling though was one of total awesomeness. A perfect day on the bike.

Eventually we wound up alone, then with a huge group climbing the crazy long hill, where the team waited for DB to get to the top. And at that point we were chilling and cruizing on our own again.

At some point delivered Nutter Butters that had ejected from Roger's jersey pocket back to him. Had to stop and pee, they guys didn't wait but Dr Roy's team was there and changing a flat so I managed to unload the bladder in the trail without exposing myself to anyone and join them as they rolled out. And then they rolled off and the PVD Orange crush crew were waiting for me, we paused and then kept going. Dropping out of one of the last techy single track sections I was taking up the rear, it was a bumpy rough slight down hill and I was just rolling it easy, meaning slower than everyone else I guess, and I emerged from the woods to see Dave mentioning he flatted the same rear tube again.

So I 'grammed it while they changed it. Keeping Solo's advice in mind "don't change anyone elses flat tires." Dave never admitted how he flatted but given where we were I'm guessing he cased the granite curb. A team or two rolled through as the second tube was going in the rear tubeless wheel.

And we started rolling back.

Dave was pretty well cracked. he'd get gapped and dropped anytime the road went up or the pace picked up much.

So I started pushing. Syl gave him a few pushes. It was a dicey proposition because after each push my legs felt like they were going to explode, but w/in a few minutes I was ready to push again. And again.

We spent a good bit of time working together all of us. And the navigators had their shit down by now and the roads were familiar and weather was good and we knew we were close.

Spirits were good. DB was pretty cracked but we were rolling back together. Everyone pretty stoked it felt like.

Got back and asked Michelle to grab a group shot before we all changed and headed in. We loaded up bikes, changed, or in my case took off my helmet and put on the orange jumpsuit, and headed over to the tavern.

It was packed and crowded. The PVD crew got a table in the far corner, but somehow i never made it over there. I grabbed a couple beers from the bartender, not knowing how soon I'd be able to get back and get another one, two beers in hand and Curtis looked at me and I felt bad but also decided to be uncharacteristically selfish and keep them. He had a beer in his hand w/in a few minutes, don't feel too bad for him. I had my beers and Dr. Roy invited me to have a seat at his table there by the door.

Posted a gram or two from that seat, finished the beers...  talked, laughed, held the cutest baby in the world...  it was amazing, just this small tavern full of super stoked happy people who had just shared one of the coolest rides together. Rosey came around selling raffle tickets, I had $17 cash in my wallet, he took all but $2 and gave me three raffle tickets. I guess I am having liquid sandwiches instead of a post ride burger.  Wound up leaving the $2 as tip, yeah cheap bastard of a tip for the over worked bartenders, but it was all I had and hopefully will have a chance to make amends down the road. I had a couple more beers to replace used calories. The raffle was underway, I wound up getting a pair of socks and a Rapha cap. stage 3 i think, the blue one? But I managed a sweet trade for stage 2's orange one. The Folsom stage. Perfect match with my orange jumpsuit, no?

So yeah, a few pints of Dales in me warmed the fire a bit but didn't really push the edge at all, never felt anything but a mild pleasant buzz.

Eventually people started filtering out, heading home, saying good bye. The Bikes not bombs girls were really enthusiastically trying to get me to think about coming up for their ride, I didn't say no, but I didn't say yes. Syl was ready, his wife had had enough hanging around with a bunch of weird cyclists and it was time to go. The PVD crew all headed out, Sandy climbed into DB's car to get a short ride home, and Syl and I got driven home. Lots of stories on the way home, odd coincidences, small world collapsing kind of thing.

We stopped at The Point. A bar Syl was hoping maybe would sponsor the team, but didn't work out. No money me owes Syl for that beer, and elephant brain me won't let me forget, don't worry. I was getting pretty tired at this point. Not quite loopy but close. More or less got home, took a shower and climbed into bed. I think I was asleep at 7-8pm. The exhaustion from the week before, and the early morning and long day in the saddle draining everything and the added impact of a beer or three...  out like a light.

It was a great day. One of the best days on the bike. The whole day. So much stress and struggle leading up to it, so much insanity following it.

A brief awesome moment.

Can't thank my team mates enough for joining me on this adventure. Rosey for making it all happen, Camelstache for the bootleg beer, Chip for the keg of Dales at the Tavern, Finnegan for hosting us, and his staff for putting up with us. And everyone else.

-diwedd-

heddwch
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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

smackdown after memorial day here in 2015

life goes on...

one must not focus on the details but more the big picture

but ignoring the details blurs the big picture, you lose perspective anomylies creap in, distortions occur..

impossible, nearly, to keep focus on big picture and the details...

few can

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Roasted Cauliflower, with mushroom sauce

Maybe the name is misleading, maybe not.

So first, lets set the stage for the cauliflower.
A photo posted by geoff (@ge_willi) on


Take a head or two, chop it up (yes even the stem) into smallish (bite size) bits. Spread on a sheet pan. Douse with olive oil, salt and pepper. Toss evenly.

Put in convection oven for 375-400F untill golden and carmelized. AKA cooked to perfection. This is pretty critical but on the plus side overcooking is far more desireable than undercooking. Undercooked and it is mushy, overcooked and it is brilliantly complex, loaded with umami. Downside of overcooking is reducing volume. But always, err on the side of overcooking.

Also keep in mind it can be held for a while once cooked w/o suffering in texture flavor of awesomeness.

Now here's the conceptual side/change.

Use the roasted Cauliflower (I used Purple today becuase, WF has purple, orange and white all at the same price and why the fuck NOT go with some cool fancy color?) Now use the roasted cauliflower in place of pasta.

Wut? Yup. You know you eat too many grain based foods. You know that shit is wikked bad for you. It is tolerable but finding things to replace it aren't so bad. No?

Okay, that clear Cauliflower is roasted and amazing and there isn't a millimeter size florette left at the moment after tonights dinner.

To be honest, I just checked, there are a few mm size florettes. That is it though. I think I'll probably be licking the sheet pan clean tonight.

Now on to the Mushroom Sauce.

Now how to say, is it a mushroom sauce, or is it a tomato based sauce with mushrooms?

Here's the break down, there were 4 portabello mushroom caps in there and 4 babby bellas (yeah I know they are just tiny portabello mushrooms but they needed to be used and well got added...  so?) in the sauce.

The sauce, it is elaborate, complex and something I've been working on for close to 30 years. No Joke.

Think "Big Night" (1996) level history on the sauce.

This isn't a vegan sauce (although could be made just as awesome in vegan mode but I didn't), and this sauce isn't creamy or only mushrooms. It isn't your grandmother's/mother's can of cream of mushroom soup sauce. This is legit all alone. Sort of.

The foundations of Italian cooking are well documented. Watch some of the PBS chefs, read a few books, and practice and you'll figure it out.

Combine it with the Japanese awareness of Umami and you'll figure it out. Honestly that Umami this is the king pin, the ultimate tie that binds the best food together. If you lose the umami you lose the audience.

Umami rules all. Once you realize you've been hanging with the asshole sugar and the fake bullshit varnished but unsubstantial facade and discover Umami, your mind will be blown.

But hey. Don't mess with Professor Noakes, that guy is smart and knows his shit and is, yes, likely to agree with me.

TO THE SAUCE.

I'm not going to go through the depatures on how to make this vegan, although, my brother and pretty much any other vegans who cook brilliantly can figure it out and be considerate enough to understand my process and recognize the sequence required to make it vegan. Now that said: I'd be happy to have vegan house guests to cook this for, I am 100% confident I can make this as delicious for anyone. How's that for attitude and confidence? I have little confidence outside of the kitchen, please be nice, I'm a big guy but pretty fragile emotionally. Just as GEmoWilli.

0.75# of grass fed ground beef into a stockpot. cook until mostly brown.
Add some Fennel seed (whole) 1 tsp to 1 tblsp
cook and stirr

add a splash of extra virgin olive oil

add one diced onion
add one diced red pepper

sitrr and sautee and cook until onions are clear and peppers are soft and fragrent.

Add 1tsp-1tblsp of balsalmic vinegar and cook and stirr until evaporated

Now chop the mushrooms, in this case 4 portabello caps and 4 baby bella mushrooms.

Put them in the pot. Stirr.

Add a splash or two more of balsalmic vinegar.

Stirr.

Add 1 cup of red wine (cheap or not cheap, up to your budget, i used cheap)

Stirr and mix. Let it cook and simmer at med/med-low heat. Not blazing hot but not tepid temps.

Add some dried oregano and dried basil now. Mix.

Should be soupy a bit.

Now. Add two 28oz cans of organic crushed tomatoes. Yes, two. I could have gone with one but hey, this sauce is something you're going to want to eat with a spoon.

Mix that up, now add 6 cloves of garlic (with a Zyliss press), and then another cup of the red wine.

And some salt. Lots of salt. And fresh black pepper, and maybe a bit more oregano and basil.

Mix.

And let simmer at low heat.

and mix...

and simmer...

and mix...

and taste.

Adjust seasoning if needed.

And keep simmering until your patience wears out.  Beacuse perfection in the kitchen can't be rushed. You must pay attention to every fucking detail. And consider all the vairables.

Cooking is in the details. The timing, the feel, the flavors, the smells, the process.

The end result is a rich smooth delicious mushroom heavy red tomato sauce served over the most savory and amazing veggie.

if I had a restaurant, this would be a signature dish. And I would have three sauces, no not four. One vegan, one mushroom free with meat and one like I made tonight. All served over the same thing.

I think for visuals maybe using a mix of purple, orange and white cauliflower would be pretty outsanding but in all honestly, it gets completely drowned in this sauce to the point that it could all be just boring white cauliflower. That said, it doesn't start off that way and the purple stuff roasts brilliantly.

So that's about it.

I'm probably accidentally omitting all the secrets of absolute timing i've taken for granted by constantly overthinking and perfecting the process these last 30+ years. And yes. First thing I started cooking was peanut butter cookies.  Second thing? Tomato based sauce.

There's significantly more flexibility/forgiveness in tomato sauce than peanut butter cookies fwiw.

Dinner was delicious, K and I enjoyed it. Maybe this helps you to recreate it. Of couse and as always, please ask questions if something seems unclear, that's my gift, I can explain everything down to the minutia, and often glance over some details that seem insignificant to me but prove to be otherwise to others.

take this recipe with blessing and all my love.

That's why I cook. I pour my soul into the process to nurture those who eat my food. not quite "like water for chocolate" (1992 film) level, but can anything in real live be that passionate? We can only strive to provide as best we can for those we love.

This process is just an example, documentation of it...

heddwch
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Friday, May 15, 2015

frustrating

stuff i've figured out...  but no one cares or listens

Now if you aren't Insulin resistant or a Type 2 diabetic or anywhere close (as most of my active cycling friends are - probably all of the 'readers' here) and you have no issue managing hunger and are at a rock solid weight that doesn't fluxuate.... then this stuff doesn't matter [as much].

But for SO many people it does.

I've watched parents of my kid's classmates over 10 years. Watched them all get slowly bigger and bigger. Been at parties with them, hear them talk about this diet, or watching this, or serving low fat this (dressings) or that (RI pizza... aka big thick flat bread covered in sweet tomato sauce, that's it)... and they all keep getting bigger.

The kids too.

"but we're following the guildelines. We're eating low fat, drinking skim milk with out whole grain cereal in the morning, we're buying low fat ice cream, eating low or no fat yogurt, THAT GREEK STUFF IS WONDERFUL ESP WITH THE FRUIT, oh and the fruit. ALL THE FRUIT WE LOVE FRUIT, SO GOOD FOR YOU!"

And yet somehow they struggle to and are tormented by slowly gaining weight.

I found a link to this Tedx talk this morning. A no meeting day.

I hit the speed button and watched it at 1.5x speed. Didn't feel like trying to catch her talk at full 2x speed but man it helps with the productivity/multi-tasking.

My cousin is running the local ADA ride, and gets INSANELY defensive and absolutely flat out beligerant anytime I bring this topic up. But Sarah Hallberg does it brilliantly. And because I'm not saying it, maybe someone else will listen to it. But unlikely.

I grabbed crappy screen shots from the talk of two graphics she used. The first is basically the whole premise.

Why do I keep being angry about fruits, and fruit juices? IT IS HEALTHY. Yeah okay. How's your insulin level? Yes - i saved it as crappy jpg... deliberate.

Next up, INSULIN. Why is a plate of sausage and eggs, with a bit of arugula/rocket, mushroom and avocado a brilliant kick ass breakfast? BECAUSE IT WILL FILL YOU UP and provide critical energy needs w/o causing an insulin spike. Yes there is protein in there, but you need essential amino acids at the start of the day, CRITICAL ABSOLUTELY because w/o them you can't make the hormones you need or deal with normal cellular functioning.


Here you go.

I'm still looking for the caloric effect of insulin going up. It does it two ways. Takes calories that you ate and stores them. Meaning they are now unavailible and saved for later. What that means is you don't have enough calories on demand. And that makes you hungry. So you eat.

So you start the day with a bowl of oatmeal because that's what everyone says is the best. OMG I LOVE OATMEAL, esp with brownsugar, some maple syrup, maybe some rasins. It is the BEST. Except it is going to make your insulin spike. Store most of those calories as fat (unless you start a CXy race right away or you glycogen is super depleted and you're actively good at replacing it, which most people are not on a physiological level) and then you're hungry way too soon. So you have an apple. Oooo, they are soo good for you. and they spike your glucose, insulin goes up and you need to eat more.

There is a mountain of science behind all this. But that mountain of science pales next to the ingrained 'conventional' wisdom and inertia that has been built up since the last 70s.

If you are exercising to lose weight or to manage your weight you're not doing it right. Exercise is critical for health, make a huge difference for lots of reasons but this food stuff. This is why counting calories doesn't work for most people.

There are people who are wireed differently, have different metabolisms, who can deal with extra carbs w/o hunger pain. There are people who have mental conditioning to be okay with being hungry. There are plenty of exceptions to everything.

Unfortunately there isn't really an exception to this physiological rule. There's variation in expression, and there's tolerance for hunger signalling, but those aren't the same.

Why is it frustrating? It shouldn't be.

Do I walk through the grocery store like an android doing a body scan and a shopping carriage analysis at the same time of EVERYONE THERE? Yes. I do. My brain is always observing, taking in data and processing and cataloging.  Always. Can't help it. Do I automatically do it around everyone? Yes.

My daughter made the observation that most people don't listen to me, don't follow my advice. She's smart enough and has a solid understanding of biology and actually understands it pretty well. Why? because I explain things, we talk, she askes really good questions and I work through all the answers, talk about the science, talk about the physiology, talk about muscle fiber types...  She also notices what goes on around her too. She's aware of it all.

yeah this ain't no RdR report, GeWilli is close to hulk smash trigger today. Keeping it all in check though, by venting here. Obviously.

eat smart, eat well, eat real food...  and ride your bike

heddwch
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Thursday, May 14, 2015

opinions

I touched on them breifly, or completely at some points in the past, recent and distant.

I'm opinionated. #shocking

Jobst Brandt was opinionated (I'm not saying I'm anywhere at his level of anything it is just a recent focal point on the subject as he's famous for a quote or two about that stuff)

Reading more over at Amanda's web log i hit this quote:
The best thing about opinions is that anyone can have them. Having an opinion takes courage. It requires a piece of the holder, and it's an investment. To have an opinion, you have to think. You have to believe in something. Find as much truth as you're able, as much objective information, and form your own. Allow it to change with the tides and morph and grow.
That's the beauty of an opinion: they're out there. It will either be yours or someone else's. Don't drink the sand. Find your own water.

maybe it is working

Of course it is working but I'm too skeptical and whatever to admit to it yet. Could just be a fluke. Could be luck, chance, randomness.

But legs weren't amazing yesterday but they weren't like they were the last handful of Smackdowns.

We were missing a few fast people but we still had this big Eian kid who graduated from UNH and knows of RYAN T KELLY as a legend, Jonathan a young gun student at the ivy branch of colleges here, and Andrew who's in good form and getting in better form. Fox showed up as usual and then there was the appearance of the German sibling bike of my Klein, Burke's Storck.  There were a ton of random Brown and RISD kids out riding last night, exam week lately and pretty soon they will all be gone, I guess they were out getting a nice last ride in on our kick ass roads.

No Joke, the riding down here really is pretty sweet.

I worked but skipped a pull here and there, but I still burried myself a good number of times. The Klein felt great, the wheels feel slow, but hey, you train on training wheels and race on race wheels right? If I trained on super fast wheels I wouldn't have to work as hard. Not that this is really training, it is almost my racing lately. But hey. Why make it any easier for myself? in terms of pedaling.

Anyway, the changes I made since last week, seem to be making a difference. And I do need to stick with it, at least most of the week.

I'm not going to rehash the whole ride other than as ride leader and being able to hang with the group, aka not last up Pine (second to Andrew) I was able to force a soft/no pedal until Fox caught back on. He gave a massive pull most of the way up Pine before pulling off. So last night I said If you take a solid pull on one of the 'segments' we'll regroup and wait for you once past the segment.

Simple enough. Sure it means more interval like smackdown. If you get dropped and didn't take a turn, well that was different. But the group was close enough in ability last night that we were able to make that practice work. Eian is a f'n BEAST btw. I haven't results stalked him yet but he's a strong kid.

My legs weren't all there. But they weren't useless like the last few smackdowns.

I do however need to do more than just this one change to start getting some sort of cycling form. I need to do. I wish the WeeBike Grand Prix (this strava segment competition) wasn't so far away. Initially I dismissed it because of the requirments of either HRM or Power data in the strava file... and I have neither. But then I said something and was granted a waiver. Then I looked at the ride there. Now if the kid has indoor soccer practice down at Wideworld South, well then heck yeah, I'll bring the bike. But that's very unlikely, also I never get over to that side of RI. Might as well be New York. But hey if you're down that way - give it a shot. Boost the number of people riding that segment eh?

boring ride report. so much going on. had plans to finally write up the RdR2015 wrap up/conclusion.

But that creative muster is missing. Words aren't flowing quite the way I want, thoughts occupied a bit on the Amanda Batty web log post/PinkGate as Padrig calls it.

I saw Amanda's post almost in real time. I saw a link to it somewhere and read it. And was shocked and angry and sad all at once. There are some really aweful people on the internet. Side topic but I was banned from a forum because I was being a bit too clinical and pointed when pointing out people were wrong, even though I was correct and had all the facts that backed up what I was saying 100%. That whole honey flies vinegar thing (which is a funny contradiction anyway), we were talking about that whole thing at the shop, tuesday maybe? But there is a line to draw, being wrong about knowing the right way to set the timing on a Bosch VE-Pump'ed diesel engine is very different than describing the ride of a mountain bike like someone who's intoxicated. I don't even feel comfortable writing what they guy said in his review.

Padrig's post today was great. Good too see someone in the industry calling more attention to Amanda's story. PinkGate is appropriate. Let me clarify, it isn't great that we have to talk about it, but it was a well crafted bit of writing on the topic.

I know a few people who make super sexist, inappropriate jokes publicly. They say it to make their (other) friends laugh. I've expressed my dissapointment in the jokes, the innapropriateness. I've been the only one in the group not laughing. I don't like being that person, but I'm not going to fake it to fit in. And I won't stop voicing my objection. But then I'm not your normal guy I guess, and I'm okay with that.

I just read the DailyDot article that CCR posted on FB about this (holy SHIT DUDE ghostery has 93 tracking targets!!!!!!  NINETY THREE THAT'S LIKE PO R N LEVEL INVASIVE SHIT)
Got to the end, despite the 93 tracking things gathering all my data, and got to this:
[Coffey] said that "the only way to establish a little more balance" on Pinkbike "is to continue to build out our women's initiatives." He added, "We value the female voice but we insist on promoting quality, balanced and well researched articles."
I interpret what Coffey says as:
we value our male readership more and don't want to offend them or endanger their particpation or our click revenue, so we want to go very slowly so as not to piss off all the men, but we'll move really slowly because that always works in the best interest of white men in control who don't like change.
Lots and lots of backpedaling and defense on the PB side of things. Understandable but still completely unacceptable.

All I can think of is #3 on this list that I saw yesterday;

3.) “Don't lie about it. You made a mistake. Admit it and move on. Just don't do it again. Ever” 
http://airows.com/travel/23-brilliant-life-lessons-from-anthony-bourdain (pretty low on the ghostery's counter for a clickbait article fwiw 9-15)

Now maybe Coffey isn't lying, but stretching the truth, politicing. positioning in defensive reaction to a substantiated accusation without ever admitting fault and beyond 'yeah maybe we should have done it a little different but it is really not our problem it is her problem, she's ____'

Okay - i'll shut up [for the moment],

heddwch
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