You'll have to watch to get the quote exactly correct, but:
Preparedness brings you closer to luck
Gets ya thinking eh? If you put the effort in, the work, have the planning and practice in place, you're in a better place to take advantage of luck.
Or chance.
Better able to recognize that lucky opportunity.
Without the prep, the work, the knowledge, luck can walk up wave a big flag saying HERE I AM THIS IS THE MOMENT, and it will be invisible to the unprepared.
It is why we practice/hone your craft or skill.
In bike racing is it most like the alignment of a good day with race day.
Just something to think about.
When you frame luck like that, esp as a photographer, it makes sense.
The amateur can get 'lucky' by shooting a thousand frames, they might get lucky and get a good one. But the practiced and skilled 'pro/am' can recognize the luck of being in the right place, or knowing if they put them in a certain position and be aware, that lucky shot will show up. And with one click capture it.
It isn't just photography tho. And most of my analogies fall into the arts realm, or the skill realm.
But some people are wired like that about dealing with other people, I don't think I am, but I also maybe agonize over lost opportunities more than some, or had. Haven't been what iffing lately, that's good. But I do recognize in the past that I was aware of that lucky break or opportunity that tremendous sign but was too afraid, unconfident, anxious, fill in the fucking blank to seize it.
But here i am and now. And that's neither here or there or related to this short film. Thinking about this film, directly with the SEM artwork, that putting one self in a place to make something special.
in the end:
"Knowledge and preparedness allows you to be lucky.
So there's the technical side of, you know, knowledge.
And then the preparedness of like, getting it, and then all of a sudden just having luck.
You're closer to luck.
Maybe that's an addition that I'm addicted to is lining all those stars up.
There it is, and all this sweat and waiting, and a bit of drama there is all worth it."
Capturing what it is, what it means, what it has become.
Yeah we've all been doing it for a fuck of a lot longer than it has been called gravel.
Deliberately picking to include some dirt roads on the road bikes because it is fun as hell, but also to watch that one or two people in the group who you know are absolutely not comfortable off the pavement, a few I knew just didn't like it because they thought the bike's paint might get dinged. I have some of the most iconic and beautifully painted bikes and have never shied away from riding them anywhere.
https://youtu.be/qgUDW8qImwc
check the link, maybe it'll autofix - maybe you'll have to cut and paste...
It is a little like CX was in the early days, very inclusive, welcoming. But unlike CX it isn't as hard and just finishing is enough. CX is still a race no matter how you distill it. The CX bikes were the first gravel bikes for sure. They 'paved' the way but needed some help.
It is funny having this perspective on the sport. There were changes before i started racing but they were pretty small compared to now. MTBs hit the mainstream just as I started riding them. I rode that wave, hitched on to CX as it grew, watched MTB fade, local road racing more or less disappear, CX fade a little, gravel grow, MTB expand again...
Odd having this perspective.
Watching that tho, drove home something that did kind of always bug me. I mean sure, I am me and I am the way I am because of that and maybe this is how it is supposed to be. I love these big adventures on the bike. Michigan's Coast to Coast, 24HOGG, whatever else that's crazy and insane, but all of these over the years, even just CX, I feel really really really alone at the start, not so much during, but very much at the end.
Alone.
I'm not but i watch a film like that with people being enthusiastically greeted when they finish and all that...
I guess maybe need to work on the Jean Marc mentality, in some ways that's how i do it, why i do it, maybe all the ways. But unlike J-M i've always been aware around me. Of others.
thinking back to the last CX... Ice Weasels. I made the long drive there alone, set up alone, chatted with others for sure, but then left alone.
Maybe that is why some of the most memorable races have been traveling to them with someone else, going through the process with them. Even if they were racing a different event like Mark LFN.
I'm now kind of mad at myself for this tangent.
But maybe it is partly due to being halfway through finally reading Seth's really long bit: https://citsb.com/2021/12/25/old-boot-re-boot/
Def having very tangible bad PTSD of growing up under the threat of nuclear annihilation, my students have not a fucking inkling about that, they have other worries but don't really understand the implications of what it was like.
Got me wondering how the star wars program ever got along, can we shoot down all the missiles fired at us? Could we ever have?
What if someone does do a low earth orbit nuke detonation and wipes out all the satellites? Yeah yeah rash and over reacting and all that, nothing to be done about it anyway, I guess. Sigh.
It is tough to keep going, keep working through it. But at somepoint last week Ihad the microscope monk mindset take over. in that it is sort of how I am... but anyway
time to blast, step away before the computer restarts on me.
I was going to leave, Wahoo was at 9%, so rather than running apps once it dies, I'm charging it a little. Hoping maybe it'll soak up enough charge to get me home.
And so i pulled up the 'tubes again... and saw this...
Tom Waits? Sean Rowe? Fuck yeah...
hit this one up if you want: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-r5Bl9jEBk
I did finally finish watching 'The Alpinist" fucking hell that was amazing but sad and lots of words about it but there's some really solid and important truths in that film. It was really well done and very very thought provoking. I got lucky stopping when I did, really a perfect point where I could really let the first part of the film soak in, digest and absorb without the trauma from the second half that felt definitely foreshadowed but maybe not inevitable?
Been trying to stay present and focused. Working a little.
https://www.topeak.com/us/en Why this? Because i keep trying to remember to share the code with people, what code?
discount code for 20% off 'WILLIAMS-22'
Not everything is in stock but they have a bunch of cool stuff, and 20% off is 20% off.
https://regatta.time-team.nl/crashb/2022/results/e6fe67dc1-9484-4426-bee6-26d955063bd0.php results with the videos for each heat.
Trying to crank through everything, dropping balls here and there.
But also kind of slowly moving closer to figuring it all out, well not ALL of it, but a functional process and being able to move forward. Part of it was taking tuesday off. Like I said. Crazy. But in reflection having that day free from obligations to relax is important to balance how much I'm trying to accomplish, but then again there's a fuck ton of shit i needed to do that I didn't but I just can't keep going the way I have been.
And as far as the training goes? My knee is still not 100%. It is getting better but there's always a set back or two. Cutting back activity and letting the body rest actually seems to help the knee. NO SHIT DUMBASS (talking to myself obvs). So, I need to remind myself that, yeah, getting healthy, well, as much as possible, is important. more important than trying to hit a few workouts that might set the recover back.
It has been a while since i've gone full samuel beckett here, might need to hit that longwinded stream of conciousness non stop word vomit soon... why?
well, i had a few minutes, not quite enough time for a full movie and didn't want to try and read a book, so I hit a rec from a while ago about a movie, was told, just watch it, don't read about it, just watch even if you know what happened/the ending, well I don't know what happened or the ending and I'm just past halfway and i have an idea about it but am fully engaged and honestly it was kind of impactful in many ways even just the first part and that's a bit weird but i guess the rec was absolutely spot on so, well, looking forward to finding the time to carve out and watch the last part of it. Might have a bit more to dig into when I finish it. I don't want to say what the film is other than it is a documentary and it is less than 2 hrs long and is new. pretty easy to avoid unintentional spoilers when you're not looking for them but hard when they are tossed at you. So. yeah, gonna have to wait for that.
okay - back to my bullshit, lets see if I can get out of here before i've been here far too long today, like most days. SETTING BOUNDARIES
Took today off, had some big plans, the list of shit to get done is pretty daunting, but i've been wiped out by everything and the sheer intensity of everything.
Was looking in the mirror last night, I've changed, I look older. I am older. Maybe i need to start acting like it, I looked at myself and said, slow the fuck down. At least for a little bit.
No one has ever faulted my endurance or stubbornness. Gets me through most things. Never been the fastest, or the quickest.
Woke up with a solid early coffee headache. Happens when I stop drinking coffee at 2pm instead of 4 or 5 pm. I don't like it when that happens.
But I also managed to snag a 3/6 in that five letter word game, was stuck at a 5 for that many days I think.... I try to wait to play until after coffee is made, sometimes I make it, sometimes not so much.
Made chocolate waffles for the house yesterday morning, cooked up some more with the left over batter this morning.
Sent everyone out the door, put my feet up, tried to rest and relax, maybe nap. No dice. Watched the end of one movie i started a while ago, watched another i'd been wanting to see for a bit while eating lunch. Did laundry. Doing laundry. Reading? nope. watching more TV? nope.
I was thinking I should get on the trainer and do tomorrow's planned workout today. Nope.
Kid suggested I talk to someone professionally about this low battery feeling. Hell I know what's up, I'm literally not taking any down time. Not having any time to recharge. I know that's the first thing i need to do. Rest, recover... even full of coffee I managed to almost fall asleep. I did get completely relaxed, like that really nice feeling of just everything going slack. I can kind of do it on demand, starting with the feet, moving to the head. just let everything turn off, it is a good feeling.
Sorry the blogging has been lagging lately. Start of class has changed the dynamic. Teaching though does what it always does, both energizes and exhausts but def more of the first and while I feel tired I'm also not feeling anything negative.
But I am feeling tired and def not motivated to get on the trainer in the basement to do a prescribed workout. No races planned looking forward, nothing till March. Weather is fucking strange, def want to get out for some long MTB rides. Maybe toss some faster rolling lighter tires on the Top Fuel and make it a gravel bike. Might need a bladder or some other way of carrying more liquid tho. One bottle cage sucks.
other kid did well on Sunday, not quite the target time for her 2k but still a PR and in the closest race and it was tight and she gave it all.
I keep coming back to death lately, I forget what it was this time, maybe something about the direction of what's happening, about what my Grandfather might have thought about things, about how those who are gone are that. And I thought more about why people really so firmly hold on to the notion of a soul, and life beyond this, and how when we're dead... we're gone. I hope I have time to come to terms with it all... I think one trigger at the end of last week was going to Ship Street... seeing the ghost bike for Evan B-B. Thinking about him dying there, in the heat, about to win a race... what happened to his bikes, are they being ridden or cared for the way he appreciated them? But does it really matter what happens. Does someone's prize collection of something just get thrown away? Why do we form such intense bonds with objects? And yes, I think quite often about my dad and his abosolute refusal to part with certain items, most of the stuff. Gotta be genetic, the amount of stuff my grandfather had too. But those are two quite different men, neither of which were really very good influences on me. I mean they could have been much worse influences.
Thinking too much. Time to escape beyond the second half of a movie or a whole movie where a complicated storyline has to be conveyed in less than 2 hours.
best dig into a book, they last longer.
but first maybe I just need to rest.
def don't have the energy to pick up and deliver and work on installing the gallery show
was a few other things I wanted to get out of my head, maybe tomorrow.
gonna rest some more, so hopefully I can hang around a bit longer, with luck...
time? what time, and when I get home i'm just cracked and barely getting through making dinner.
planned to do a Reddiyo workout last night, toooooo tired even after riding the e-bike all week+
Like since forever ago... Today was the first day on the singlespeed commuter and it felt great, very nice to be on a bike that fits but not quite before my back started complaining and other issues started cropping up. Pedaling on flat pedals in the boots and then wearing the boots probably wasn't great for that long.
need to start reading... checked out Ready Player Two to listen to since the book I bought a while back still hasn't been read and now there's an extra pile of books on top of the other books. Need to change habits somehow and get to reading more.
Working on it.
For a very very long time I had tried to find the Saturday morning cartoon that I really liked, the one that was different, stood out... For some reason it eluded me. Keywords never seemed to fit. Space aircraft carrier, space navy, space i dunno something, it was space, and some sort of naval ship and small ships and Speed Racer like characters. Some of you probably remember and already have the name of the cartoon in your head. Today? Faceplace suggested Star Blazers as a group... and I'm just kind of like WHAT THE ACUTAL FUCK AND HOW AND THAT'S IT.
And they are all on Youtube. Srsly. I never saw the first few, hell I don't think i ever saw more than a handful of episodes but the ones I did see made an impression. And I could never figure it out.
And here they are.
Add that series to the list of things to take up my time.
Have to cut this way short, been more active on twitter than I should be maybe, but it fits more of the timeslot opening that I have lately. Very very brief bits here and there. Mobile not desktop. It is all just really busy and intense and maybe at some point it will all sort out a bit better, more easily and yeah... maybe not.
Such is the path chosen. The choices you make or the choices you don't make you still have made the choice or how ever the fuck those lyrics go. Brain SO BROKEN right now. But not bad space, just tired. Working really hard on supporting everyone around and that's not as bad as it has been in the past.
So that's good, things are not bad, just a bit overwhelming, and after an insanely overwhelming couple years, yeah, it is alot.
Will sign off, maybe even try to get home before it gets dark. Which is important since I just realized I didn't charge the headlight (ebike has built in light that never goes out) and I haven't used it in a long time.
Two feet near by, drifts in the back yard over 6' and base because of the fence of 4' and mountains of snow in the front yard/street side that are over my head.
It hasn't been above freezing and the bike path is fucking impassable. Might have enough people walking on it that I can make a go at riding the Stache to work. Maybe. Would be better than riding on the road.
Yesterday kind of sucked. Remember what happened with the new to me studded tire last year? Happened again, the other one. Flat. But at least closer to work this time. Would have been bad if it happened at the mid-way point.
Made it hope on the other spare tire I had at work.
Put the old studded tire back on instead of the new old one for this morning. Was good that I did. So much ice but also sketchy bullshit that no tire is good on.
Of course we're getting a major rain event on Friday, then it'll be single digits on Saturday. Haven't had the bike path this fucked up since 2015 and IIRC someone ran a snow blower on part of the path that year.
No a fat bike wouldn't help.
First class yesterday and i was fucking leveled. It is exhausting, but such a damn good group of students.
Looking forward to it.
but also slept well i guess, felt like I had a week's worth of dreams, they went on and on and on and woke up to the alarm super confused. Still tired but that was really strange.
Saw someone's posting of a Whoop score... 99% recovered and rested, or something and I was seriously very much completely unable to fathom what that would be like. I don't even know when the last time was that I had any sort of idea what being rested is like. Then I looked at Whoop and hey it is subscription based and hardware is free... oh well guess i'll not be trying that out anytime soon. Not sure how i feel about wearables anyway. Hell I've been on the e-bike (studded tires) for too long, haven't even put the HR band on...
Got in late (changing tire and stupid cold this morning and since there was school needed to wait for that traffic to clear) ate breakfast late, so not hungry now but I'll probably be hungry mid-session.
Oh well it is what it is.
All that shoveling and I don't really feel sore. strange but cool? SSMTB? maybe? Dunno.
Will try and trackback and get the drafts published but we'll see about that.
time to go show some folks how to use a fancy scope
I'll poke back at it later - i think it was from Friday night.
it is Monday...no, Tuesday that feels like a Monday after a Monday that felt like a Sunday.
Watched this over lunch before heading to a meeting with the Printer to get the gallery stuff in process, looks like maybe we'll be a Month out from the opening, so soon, maybe Omicron will have died down and it will be enough time before Pi comes and hands everyone their lunch but we'll see, maybe it is a mask only
shit masqureade opening.... ooof brain esplosion with that idea - could be cool...
anyway it'll be good but back to before lunch, the soundtrack is fabulous btw:
and my french is terrible, but not as bad as I feared, I can still almost understand what's being said some of the time.
Songs like this: https://youtu.be/cgwDR95QPVM
or: https://youtu.be/s4Afw3_jc_k
or: https://youtu.be/tYUDXnJf3IY
some new tunes I hadn't heard yet... paired well with the action
the meeting has me flat out exhausted tho
should be good
oh and if you missed it (IE don't follow Thom on IG or didn't get the link sent to you by me):
Between Friday and Today, well... if you add up the people who rode their bike outside in RI
There's going to be me and... probably no one else.
Got in fine today, it was fucking cold tho.
really cold.
Not quite single digits F but close enough and the wind was brutal from the north.
aka a headwind.
really liked having the lighter gear on the singlespeed
Not sure you can call Stevil's thing a blog, it is more a weekly post to drive sales and shit so he can eat food and keep the lights on and buy beers and whatnot. So yeah that's still all good reasons and that he posts good shit and writes well.
I'm not sure i ever do either, maybe borderline post good shit, mostly just shit he or someone else posts that I see and i aggregate here because well whatever for some reason.
Damn I'm down. Whatever, it'll pass. Life moves on. And here I was going to leave and ride home in the ridiculous cold. Yet here I am. Still at work.
Party is I checked Stevil's post and then clicked over and watched this.
Brown sugar snow is the worst. A mix of dirt and salt and snow and cold so cold it won't melt but all that extra shit in there keeps it from solidifying and then the cars pack it down and it is tough to ride on.
There's so much to read at Stevils that I have to come back, my brain is glossing over and my attention is drifting and i can't focus. Maybe tomorrow, but maybe you want to go read it now. Or not.
Awe fuck... temps have dropped, now a nice warm 13°F oh well it isn't that cold only what -10 or -11°C, not like it is -40° (F or C the same). But yeah, even ridden in that too.
Time to bundle up, needs more than just jeans and a thin jacket for this shit.
I miss my fucking mittens tho, esp on days like today.
And there's a whole new wrinkle of crazy added to the mix.
A wrinkle that might make it easier and less stressful.
Eventually.
Recap:
brought the Stache to VA (3 days there and rode trails on two of those days, the other day was christmas)
Tried to ride everyday the week after, didn't make it, weather or other stuff got in the way, but I did ride the Stache once after putting the 170mm seatpost back on (full of squeak killing teflon pipe dope grease this time). Then the next day rode the Top Fuel with the new 9point8 offset seatpost. Then the 31st went up to ride Borderlands with Mike and his crew. And the rear der did the same thing it did in May on the ride with Syl. Rear der went boom. And instead of being able to put it back together the bolt was not to be found. Scootered back the three miles to the car. That was a bummer, bike was feeling awesome, dropper working really well.
Went back out on the 2nd it was wet in Big River, it is never wet in there. But it was a good ride.
Got stuff printed yesterday for a show here, and talked about the bigger gallery show.
life is one hell of a ride, watching a series with E last night some show was calling someone in their early 40s old, and they were waxing poetic about never being too old to start over even when you're old..
and yeah... i'm old, we're old, but here we are, sure as hell beats the alternative.
on the old side I watched episode 3 of Old Enough to Know Better... because I really needed to hear a dude who is 36 complaining about being too old. or old enough to know better. I sure as FUCK thought I knew everything at that age, and oh wow was I fucking wrong as fuck about so much, but I did get lots right and the opinions that were not right were still coming from a place trying to help, so while maybe a bit off, still intentions haven't waivered.
Still trying to help... but then I guess no good deed goes unpunished. The bigger the gift of self the longer you have to suffer in torment maybe?
It has been one hell of a couple years.. so much loss..
So far I've done a good job at making sure I have more work to do next year. But then I can only get to what I can get to and if i take an extra break to drink a cup of coffee in my office and get some thoughts out of my head after watching a video, well... that works for me.
Maybe Omicron will peak in 2 weeks and everything will be 'normal' by mid-january.
Except, we all know nothing is ever going to be normal again.
Amor Fati Motherfuckers G
Also I like the idea of moving to Greenland with a bunch of Mountain bikes (dirt jumpers, DH, Enduro, XC, HT...) and a skid steer with both a bucket and a backhoe and just ride and build trails. There's gotta be some snow free space, and more and more soon, right? Also no people. Just bikes and riding bikes and making trails and oh, right, i'm old... fine I'll just make lots of easy trails but all different and just ride.
I'm looking at my strava year in review and looking at the mileage... so close to 5,000 miles... but while I was riding in I don't think I can close the gap and make that mark.
Hours are a bit down from last year. But then again I kind of had to do nothing for 3 weeks...But the Reddiyo program got me up pushing the time and effort lately. So there's some good stuff. And a big elevation peak at the beginning of August.
It has been an overwhelming week (last 7 days). But unknowns are falling into place and we'll all get through this... Everyone's boosted so we should be okay but it's gonna be tough with some mandatory travel. Maybe just stress but hey, the baseline is so high right now that every little bit matters.
Cold enough this morning that I wore the Wolfhammers. JF4-JF5 (Jens Factor, y'all remember the chart right?) Heavy as hell but warm as a ... um winter boot should be.
The intro here - inspirational and all and yeah... a reminder... Hopefully I can summon that level energy at the end of this week.
When you have an hour to sit and watch a music documentary check this out. One of these days I'll get to sit down and watch it start to finish instead of in bits and pieces.
I'm gonna work on harnessing that energy for the rest of the day and try and fit a week's work into two days.
or just a day with random shovels of poop flung in my direction that I can't dodge but at least can dance enough not to have to deal with it immediately, but no escaping needing to deal with it
Jake Wells brought that up way back in some video or another, at least that's how I remember it.
I keep coming back to it.
What does sponsorship mean regarding that.
Some of the best pro's don't win but you know them well.
How many races has Lachlan won? A lot for sure, but why are we drawn to that character of his? The winning side or the joy and engagement and for the inspiration and motivation he gives everyone?
In one Tweet Jake said "My hope is to inspire and motivate"
In this film lach has a few passages that stuck, first:
It's always measures of success, right?
Your own measures of success, other people's measures of success, your sponsors. I'm always like evaluating what that means.
As hard as it was to give up personal ambitions for the race, that ultimately led to a much more successful week.
If we'd stayed focused on chasing results, we would have missed the point totally.
How many miss the point totally?
And then this one, kind of unrelated but good and humble and words to guide one's life by:
You never think of yourself as an experienced rider because the years pass really quickly and youre like, oh wait i've been professional for like nearly 10 years.
I was always wary of people who would be always trying to give you advice because they are generally like people who are just trying to insert themself and make themself important.
SO I just try to lead by example, i guess.
And let me say this - when i've offered advice, my motivations are to help, not insert myself or for any self gain. I want to give you this to help you, unfortunately it is so rare, and for so long I was so bad at communicating this, and given it isn't normal, it is rarely well received. Hard to offer help.
So lately, a lot, i've held back.
not easy for me, and people struggle, but the reality is lots of people really just don't want to listen or learn, there's youtube videos on how to everything now, surely that's enough to get help from a stranger in your phone.
DAMNIT - i was all super inspired and positive until I hit that last bit... fucking hell...
Ah well.
planning on trying to watch this soon might be too mt bikey for most but i'm looking forward to it
slept pretty well last night. Went to bed well before 10pm, thought I was awake the whole time till i had to get rid of the water I'd consumed but it was midnight. Slept right up until the dog started barking at 7am.
I don't think I moved. Hard to tell if the lingering headache is just left over from not getting enough coffee or if it is something more dangerous. Aka covid. Am I tired from an emotionally and physically draining week? Or sick? When I felt okay this week, was I just at Peak Coffee?
Realized that I have been kind of slowly incrimentally upping the coffee consumption... probably masking the fatigue and then this morning waking up at 6 but then going back to sleep for a bit made me realize, yeah, maybe there's a bucket of fatigue hiding in there. certainly lots going on.
of course it could also be the omicron variant, who knows, currently deciding to lay low today, like last sunday. Need to finish the book, listening to the book. Kid already finished it, i'm only 1/3 of the way through Leviathan Falls.
It has been a rough week, maybe a good quarrantine will be what I need...
Since i need it i'm probably just tired not actually sick.
First cup of coffee is actually working wonders.
chemicals are amazing eh?
addictions are fabulously controlling
I know i sound a bit dark lately - i am but i'm okay, nothing to do really - work through it, nothing to change...
i was thinking maybe it would be a good day to head to the shop, but this enegry level and mental fatigue is a bit too much... i know i need some good mechanical therapy but maybe i can channel that by working on my bikes. The surly drive train is fucking abysmally trashed. Got it to skip once on Wednesday night. The chainring is def getting shark toothed and I think the freewheel is actually wearing a bit. The chain might be stretched a mile long. But if I'm taking all that out I should really do the bearings on the rear hub too, there is some play in there and I don't think an adjustement will fix it. But maybe.
But it is raining and the bike room has too many bikes in it to work in there so if anything I'll just gather freewheel and parts for the drivetrain. I have a big fat high tooth cog for the Surly, maybe it is time to stop riding to work at 50 rpm cadence when i'm taking it easy and if i need to go more than 15mph maybe i just need to spin like a crazy person.
there's also a big 4 hr ride tomorrow that i want to go do, a really bad idea but a great idea and a much needed something...
Refilled coffee, all set for a few more minutes.
Knee has been doing great though. occasionally if in the wrong angle for too long it gets achy but no longer functionally limiting, that's nice. Not fully back but best it has been since June.
And the new offset dropper post will be showing up next week. Exciting.
I'm not liking the fat face guy in the Dirtwire video, two options figure out how to drop the weight (been rock solid steady at 225 for a long time) or grow the beard back, white hairs and all. or both until i can get rid of the extra 20. It is only 10%, not a huge amount, you'd think i'd have it dialed and figured out by now, but yeah, no. But also maybe, could do both with the goal of shaving those white whiskers back off once i hit the mark.
Embrace being hungry again eh? Mostly just need to up the protein levels a little and cut back on calories. Extended fasts are great for somethings, not so much for me and weight lost. my body has gotten too good at slowing down.
I've been on a Leica Q2M binge reading reviews lately... not sure why, they all say the same thing, it is amazing, it is transformative and so sensitive and so sharp and so so different than shooting in color and making it black and white. Um yeah, i FUCKING KNOW... yet i still read what others say.
Scientific imaging, sensor size, speed, going from CCD to CMOS all the different ways to do it... the massive photon loss when using a bayer mask, someday maybe. Should have bout the camera instead of this shifty squishy bike. Of course I'm also thinking maybe I should have just gone for the Firefly Hardtail MTB as my 50th present to myself... others have done that... Can't think of any custom bike i'd like to have more than that at this moment. Build it up with a Fox 36 with 130-140mm, some of those Hayes Dominion T2s, White Industry cranks, wheels? that would be the question... 150-170mm dropper
shit i think i just caught myself dreaming...
of course it is about bikes... just like me dreaming about a Klein back in 1990-91...
i'd like to go off on CX Nats and how bad all that shit is that's going on there but, hey i'm not there and I'm sure they are trying as hard as they can but man, same problems as always, really good hard course for the pro's is not compatible with the AG races, and then packing too many races into the schedule, plus weather making it slower, all in all a totally predictable disaster.
How to fix it? Dunno. But if we're sticking with December maybe some of the racing needs to be at night, under the lights. I mean we all love racing CX at night, seriously, it is fucking fun as hell, if you haven't you should. Big time party booster too.
I'm sure someone will have a counter argument to that, even if the counter argument is "That's dumb" likley "too expensive"
Whatever.
Now i'm rambling and not getting the book listened too.
better close up - anyway - if you haven't seen it go watch
productive and shit but still, just plugging along
I think maybe i'm at the point where i'm not really all that tired, getting sleep and shit... nice change, still need to cut back on the coffee... but fuck it... whatever, it is all I got left
DKM dropped a new video today
Good as Gold
that's all i got been in my own head about my dad... it isn't helping much
Instead of letting all the bad news and dire predictions and desperate conditions and potential for really shitty stuff to come, oh and climate change, sort of roll off, or at least not sink in, be a dark fog but not really coalesce...
That shit is all additive right now, at least not exponentially.
I know what to do to get through, just keep getting through, i have a list of shit to get done, meetings, tasks, you know, stuff...
have to get through it, hour by hour day by day, eventually something will make a spark of that fucking shit and will feel good and build back up.
but right now?
it is less than good and I have to take a break from hanging out with internet friends, where they hang out, even if i feel like a fucking unwanted outsider most of the time there's enough history that it is familiar.
It was cold this morning on the ride in. Heart rate was below zone 1 (as defined by reddiyo) most of the whole ride.
I'm calm, not terribly tired, but sigh... not feeling it...
Finally getting the post CX season depression? I dunno...
Was awesome seeing that Gunnar S won, that guy is a fucking legend.
So many, so tough, how to we move forward other than just moving forward.
A memory of me and Shoogs at Ice Weasels at the Mental hospital venue in 2018 triggered a bunch of tears that morning. I went in and checked his last blog post, read it, and yeah both our dads were still around then. And I wound up sort of revisiting the differences, how one of the first things to go was his mobility, and his speech and communication side followed quickly. He was there inside, just too so much work to actually say anything.
And again I was reminded how fucking few photos there are of the two of us together. Most of them are me taking the photo, driving. Or something.
Yesterday I spent the morning at the Gallery space, really it is in memory of him, and I wish like hell he was still here to go through this show process with me, wish he was here to give me his thoughts and logic for collecting the samples, but that's lost. I just have his writing on the card I sent identifying each vial.
I'm excited about the show, it is bigger and more intense than any of the others. But it is the progression and I think everything i've learned doing the previous ones has helped.
My Dad would have turned 83 tomorrow.
Kid is working on trying to figure out her path. She's doing well, but you know she's my kid because her confidence and self doubt are pretty strong, it helps drive her but sometimes I think maybe it would be nice if she could see herself w/o seeing all her flaws. Granted I think you could probably say the same about me, then where would I be.
Not enough time to get on the scopes to redo some images, or tweak the settings on the new systems, but enough time to answer emails and watch this: https://www.redbull.com/int-en/films/progression and think about how we can make this place (planet) better for the young women in sport and in life. I mean it really is just this country's abject racism and sexism. You can be a nice person and still be both. I've seen far too many of those types of men. I'm working hard at not being that, it isn't easy, but I think it is possible for me and impossible for others. But then that is slipping down the slope of some bigger issues I really don't know how to solve. So I focus on those I can help, support, motivate... care for. And be an example...
of what? i dunno... Chatting with friends who's kids ride... it is honestly tough that neither of them have really pushed towards competitive bikes or just riding more than transport, but if it is just for transport, well... fuck it that's awesome.
Been thinking about what ifs lately too, yeah i know, bad idea... but what if I'd been able to quit drinking on the 2nd of January 2014? What then? Was as close to just closing my eyes forever at the start of that year, but somehow I didn't, but I don't think i had more than a few days sober between then and 2018... And here I am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.
I've got lots of work to do. Everywhere, on everything. And I'm going to try not to finish lunch TOO early today. I'm out of emergency snacks.
Captain oblivious here, started reading Wandering Earth, Finished the Mountain and was like how the fuck are these two related and how is the author going to tie this in...
oh... it is a collection of stories, not a novel..
And since the 30th i've been refreshing the library for Leviathan Falls a couple (four) times a day... nothing, nothing, nothing...
middle of the workout... click refresh HOLY SHIT THERE IT IS
END LOAN on the W.E. (lots of people waiting, i'll come back to it at some point)
TIME FOR SOME END OF TIMES WRAP UP SHIT. I might even get through it before the final season shows up on the Amazon Prime thing.
Guess I should get ready for tomorrow, like eat after the workout... and find all my shit. Have to leave fucking EARLY tomorrow.
"Sure, it is a long drive, sign up for two races to make it worth while"
idiot... sigh... it'll be fun. Am NOT bringing the tent, i'll have too much stuff as it is with all the extra bikes and shit.
Can you imagine this song performed live with everyone singing and playing on the track? I am getting euphoric just thinking about it. Like. I'm laughing with joy just imaging it.
So yeah, it is the last track on the album. I listened to it start to finish.
I took today off, might start some laundry now. But will, absolutely, w/o question, cue this playlist up again. I keep meaning to buy the CD but what do I play it on. For now adblocker and YT works on the desktop/laptop.
Y'all have a great day. Ice Weasels is tomorrow. Last CX of the year for me. Racing twice. Still back and forth on taking one, two or three bikes. There's a ton of sand so the big 3" tires would be awesome, however the gearing is pretty light for a CX race and I'm NOT spending today fucking with it.
that big S streaming service that underpays artists but has an unrivaled catalog is doing the 2021 wrapped already...
Fuck December right? no one wants to know what you listen to this month... or something.
But it was a big year for music, a few huge bands dropped new music and a lot of it was insanely good. If you combine my listening of the new Mighty Mighty Bosstones album between Youtube, YoutubeMusic and spotify... well that's a fuck shit ton of on repeat of that album.
Remember when i found those two 10mm sockets? Yeah, I was listening to that album on repeat.
I mean when WASN'T I listening to it? Probably 24HOGG because i didn't listen to anything there.
This morning I fucked around on the S trying to figure a few things out - I don't use the mobile app just the desktop one and it is different. but also annoying because if you have the mobile on and the desktop it gets all fucked up and confused and yeah maybe only cause i have a free account.
Anyway... I looked for a few artists I wanted to listen to on Bandcamp, they weren't there so I just cued up C89.5 and boom it was New Wave with DJ Trent Von. And I got working and then went to get up to head down the hall for something and a remix of the Eurythmics Sweet Dreams came on and well... I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere till that song was done.
that song reminds me of Maryland in the summer. Spending a month at my Dad's house. We listened to the radio a bit and the summer of 1983 no one could get enough of that song. it was played all the time and no one got tired of it. Well I'm sure someone did but I didn't.
So now long after the day is pulled me thin and worn me out... I'm cuing up remix after remix.
And yeah. The OG from 83 sounds like a remix no? Hard to top that but some give it enough of a modern twist to make the song fresh or just a tiny bit better/different.
So far I like this one
But then, I haven't really found one I don't like. But there are too many to listen to and too much work to do.
Was here way too late getting shit sorted on the system upgrade. And then, well, meant I was home late and needed to make dinner, got that done at nearly 8pm... still hadn't done the workout... an hour, only an hour, but there was some hard z4 and z5 work and i knew that if i ate first it would be bad, but if I ate after that means eating cold food after 9pm and then trying to turn around and get some sleep... that has never worked out. The night before I got home a bit early, did the workout and then made dinner and it was good.
That whole athlete lifestyle is fucking elusive and 100% incompatible with my life. I guess maybe if someone else was making dinner every night or even some of the nights it could work to be more like that...
I'm also in a kind of funk... odd that the cloud has drifted back after so long. but not unexpected. Maybe getting out of here early and getting a workout in tonight will make a difference.
Probably not but worth a shot.
or not...
Fuck
Oh well, time to pull up the socks and head out the door. Had a nice headwind this morning, the tall gear on the SS Surly is perfect for tailwind days, not so much for headwinds. We'll see what is really out there (conflicting weather reports - could just be swirling winds or some other bullshit). If i leave right the fuck now i might beat the rain. But guessing that by the time I'm ready it'll be raining.
That's why there are fenders on the bike.
FUCK - replied to work email and the big green blob moved overhead between writing the last sentence, sending the email and returning here.
Amor Fati Motherfucker - at least maybe the bike path will be empty.
I should have maybe put in the ear buds and listened to a book, or music, to quiet the voices in my head.
But I didn't.
And the other part in that outside story:
it can be tough to date when you are trying to stay sober. “I mean, you can date other recovering alcoholics, but then you have two broken people,” he told me. He tried dating anyway, thinking he was solid enough in his sobriety that he could have water while whoever he was with sipped wine.
That didn't click until I was riding in, thinking about family, my dad...
and the realization that I've had more or less a lifetime of an example of how to be sober around people who were drinking.
My Dad was that example.
He lost his family, he was really close to losing his job, and probably his life, from all the alcohol. He was never sober. Columbia Beer and Old Crow. The cheapest of the cheap.
But later, at dinners with the in-laws or others and later while we were all drinking (my brothers), he was always cool and polite and comfortable while those around him consumed. Even taking pleasure in buying us beer when we visited. He always still knew where the best prices were and when to go.
And so this morning the ride in, that realization... my Dad had given me all the fucking tools I needed to survive as a sober person in a world that drinks and celebrates alcohol was too much.
And I'm back to blinking back tears.
reminding me of:
This story that got to me on monday. Not sure if it is paywalled or not, i was able to read it. in the most public setting and fortunately no one was around that I had to talk to or could witness my grief and sorrow after reading it.
Notice the common theme... the bike...
Since forever, I might suck as a racer, we've been over reasons why, mechanic brain, over developed sense of self preservation, too much other stress, not living like an athlete, genetic limitations, really shitty timing, injuries (rare but significant, knee in 2013, back 2021)... nothing but obstacles...
but in the face of all that... I still keep coming back to it.. and I'm grateful it is there for me
It is behind the Outside+ paywall but, well Resultsboy's marketing scheme got me to sign up for the full + membership so I can read it, but to honor the author I won't reproduce it. It is long.
It is about alcoholism, and bikes, and there's some tough stuff to read in there, but it is a good read and a story worthy of the time spent.
so much, about fire and the landscape, about the process, about riding, about working on the trails, about being there..
about so much...
One of the bigger impacts was realizing just how negative conquering is, as a word, as implication.. as a way to live.
CB's words at the beginning and end are powerful, Micheli O is amazing and impressive...
This hits hard right in the motivation and inspriration box.
It also punches me really hard in the gut. These super impactful MTB films are all from areas my Dad has strong ties to, and in turn I do. But never connected by the mountain bike, always other means and yet, they are some of the most amazing places to ride a bike, the most remote, some of what seem like they could be the most personally rewarding places to ride...
And I haven't been able to share that with him, never had the chance connect with him both on his terms and my own but together. He knew the local endurance MTB race promoter, knew him well, suggested I come ride my MTB out there, but that was 2013-2014... a mtb was the furthest thing from my mind at that point, I was still massively in debt, still struggling in so many other ways, getting a new bike (other than that $300 surly i'm looking at right now) was not not even a dream.
Yet here I am. Probably forever haunted, but hopefully I can learn from this, somehow.
And yes, I'm still at the remote location. The sun is setting, it still isn't finished, i've managed to be productive but there's still an extra day or two of work that should have all gotten done today that has to melt into other days.
But such is life, what to do about it?
I might dump the other vids in a separate post as just links if you're looking to watch a nice sequence of MTB stuff...
nothing's going quite as well as could be hoped, nothing isn't catastrophic tho, just annoyingly taking forever to happen...
so i've been catching up, between emails.
Only took 4 hours to get through the first round, and the replies are coming in slowly and irregularly while I sit down here at the remote location, in the lobby, w/o lunch, while the field service engineer does the stuff, and while I'm here unable to go anywhere until he's done.
So I watched some more MTB films. They were great. I'll link em all here soon enough, just not right now.
Maybe a bit rough.. still barely processing my Dad's passing. Then was told last week that we won't hear it from my mother (but heard it from my brother) her doctor said with hear heart condition the life expectancy is 3-5 years. And that's just fucking terrifying.
But what to do, how to keep going? Can't seem to get her to slow down much. She rests then goes and has a monster marathon day and feels exhausted for a few days and we keep saying slow down, you're not recovered yet... tough that she's all the way over there. But I'm grateful that there isn't more than one Yuletide concert/weekend. It is tough not being there but they are all smaller shows that other people have put on and not the big Tacoma/Seattle/Mt Vernon/Bellevue weekend. So instead of heading out now I'm hoping to fly out for a bit in January. Need to work on keeping a week open though, esp as I'm already scheduling for that month.
Crossresults updated and well I beat the predictor by 5, and I didn't realize how close I was to JB in the end, but I gave all that I could and it was only just enough for what I did. I formally suck at cross. But I still like it. Was thinking on the ride in that maybe I should just take the cx bike, forget bringing the other bikes... race the single in the age group and the singlespeed race same bike even if the MTB is the better choice and gears in race one would be a better idea.
Trying something new, but since there are a lot of these recipes out there I want to get it down this morning before I forget. I made something at one point that was amazing and was told to make sure i make it the same way again and it was so simple I was sure not to forget...
and I forgot. of course. second time wasn't the same... close but not the same...
Fluffy, light, and easy-to-make, Cornmeal Pancakes are a tasty twist on classic pancakes. | One Bowl Recipe. No buttermilk. No need to whip egg whites!
Prep Time 10 minutes Cook Time 20 minutes Total Time 30 minutes
Servings 4 people
Ingredients 1 cup finely ground cornmeal (5 ounces cornmeal; 142 grams) 1 cup all-purpose flour (4 ½ ounces; 127 grams) 3 tablespoons granulated sugar (1 ⅓ ounces 38 grams) 1 tablespoon baking powder ½ teaspoon salt 2 large eggs (out of shell: about 4 ounces; 113 grams) 1 cup milk (8 ounces; 226 grams) ¼ cup vegetable oil Nonstick cooking spray or vegetable oil for greasing the griddle
For Serving
Butter Maple syrup
Instructions
Make the Batter. Whisk cornmeal, flour, granulated sugar, baking powder, and salt together in a medium mixing bowl. Add the eggs, milk, and vegetable oil. Whisk until smooth.\
Heat the Griddle. Lightly oil a nonstick griddle. Heat griddle over medium-high heat. P
Cook the Pancakes. Pour batter, approximately ¼ cup, onto griddle. Batter should sizzle when it hits the pan. Cook for approximately 3 minutes. Flip pancakes when bubbles appear all over the surface of the pancake and begin to pop. The pancake should begin to look almost dry. Flip and cook another 1 to 1 ½ minutes.
Serve. Serve with butter and syrup, if desired.
Keep Pancakes Warm: To keep warm, preheat oven to 200 degrees F. Place cooked pancakes on a parchment-lined baking sheet.
Major substitutions:
Butter instead of oil (melted in pan to cook em in then mixed in at last) Added vanilla added flaxmeal
Soaked the cornmeal in the milk overnight.
Doubled the recipe and used 5 med eggs
Also unlike other pancakes I make, I am going to cook them all up instead of save batter for cooking tomorrow. These are pretty fluffy and if put back in fridge I think the baking powder will lose the ability to make em fluffy and then that wouldn't be good.
These are pretty fluffy, and yeah, I put the sugar in. And no, I didn't use whole wheat flour, the whole grain corn felt like enough w/o using whole wheat.
that day, the National day of Mourning, also known as Thanksgiving...
I've done the full massive cook everything myself and make it all perfect and come out just right and the timing and all that for years in a row, I've completely mailed it in, and let others do it all. It is a holiday about food, rarely focused on the actual harvest or the giving of thanks for what has been provided.
That was yesterday, got the tires done, what a fucking difference. Wow. Amazing how they got that bad so quickly. But then again, yeah, not really surprised. Whatever, that's an easy one to move forward from.
Car is so quiet right now, amazing. Crazy really. Nice when things have an immediate and noticeable impact.
Got the Top Fuel aka Shifty Squishy bike back together. Letting the locktite on the crownrace set. Didn't want to ride it. Need to order that seat post soon. But ready to go other than that.
Hit the grocery store after, forgot a few things, kept getting distracted by checking out the window that the bike was still on the roof of the car. Yup. Still there.
Made it home, unloaded and did something else, dunno what, got horizontal for a minute, might have closed my eyes, then got on the trainer and THEN cooked dinner. Shocking change, but then getting home at 3:30 instead of 6pm, well there's a fuckton more time when that happens.
Watched first part of a terrible movie. Got things sorted for silly early morning departure by the other two for another official college visit. Then woke up, made coffee and thought "hey i have those old Rocket Rons, my favorite old tubeless tread/tires, I should put them on the carbon wheels"
I tried to do that. Yeah, fuck that. My air compressor doesn't have enough volume or flow to make it work. Sadly. Those were really the best tires but man are they a MASSIVE pain to install. I think I usually blew them off the rim installing them now that I remember it. It got to the point where I'd have the wheel in the workstand and not holding it and I'd turn my back on it when inflating it. There's a fine line between getting enough air in there fast enough to seat the bead and making sure the bead is even and won't blow off.
After that messy fail I put the Mamba CX back on the front and dug out the old X-One from BlancoSuave that I bought when I got those Nanos and Riddler. Thought about putting the Nanos on but not for that long.
Got the X-one seated more easily than the Rocket Ron but only just. Def needed compressed air. The Mamba CX? Floor pump was enough to seat that thing.
Getting spoiled with the Hutchinson and Bontrager tires. That said the modern shit is all better than the stuff even 5 years ago.
AND since I am worried about how well it is seated I rode that bike in. Into the wind. The 2:1 gear was a very nice change from the Surly. Esp going into the wind. Rear tire has a tiny lump in it, maybe it'll sort itself out, maybe not. Dunno. But it held air (I packed the Mamba CX that came off with me just in case). Solobreak's point about the commute, and the singlespeed - the lighter gear on this one is nice and def easier on the knees...
but no fenders. I know, i know - time to change the gear on the Surly. Yeah, it is on the list.
Kind of sitting here dismayed but not shocked, the news that is splashing everywhere is just another piece of evidence in the pile. It hurts to be honest. Oh to be unburdened by all this...
Step one - close twitter.
Step two - go do some much needed and critical imaging.
I was going to write about the races yesterday while hanging out at the tire place, but that didn't happen and then Wacko showed up and we talked for a while. Short of it: over-geared is better to go head to head with geared riders but it still sucks, day two on light gear after shredding yourself on the too hard gear is even worse esp when the tires were slipping on the grease on slick from the morning moisture. It was fucking hero dirt an hour after our race. Velcro by the last couple races. Oh well wrong tires AND wrong gear. it kind of sucked. But I saw lots of people. Chatted with others, met some new folks, introduced others to the orange jumpsuit. it was a good weekend.
But this morning? After starting the whole mess with the tires, I discovered one of the dogs had peed under the table and it had all moved under the plastic storage boxes... wrecked a few other things but mostly just was getting stinkier and stinkier. That took over an hour to get cleaned up, once I cleaned one section I discovered it had moved over into another under the next set of boxes and on and on and on, and all that and I'm still smelling it. maybe partly also smelling Stans Race sealant... Dunno but I don't like it.
Also if you want a pocket saw, let me know, i have a few extra, if you're super nice I might even give you one of the arborist ones. Lemme know.
I almost tossed the extra cliff bars that were in the bag i took yesterday into the commuter pack, but i thought, nah, I have enough lunch.
yeah, nope. But then again, can't work on getting rid of these extra kgs if I don't cut calories somewhere. Time to embrace being hungry? Maybe. Not supposed to do that on the day before you race twice.
In a row.
Yeah I am pulling a Griggs, racing Masters and then SSCX. Unlike Derek I'll be doing it on the same SS bike. Makes me want to get a new fancy cx bike, with gears and stuff. AKA not rim brakes and something other than 10speed. Maybe next year. Maybe there will be bikes to buy then.
probably not... so i'll just keep doing dumb stuff... and putting one foot in front of the other.
to the intersection of passion, talent, opportunity...
timing
life
the words written there over on Stevil's page about Mark S's passing
what is life?
what are experiences?
Shared? private what is ones legacy?
I remember realzing so many fucking years ago... what you leave behind is you, your imprint, you gain immortality by being carried along in the memories of those you touched, few of us have an impact beyond a generation, almost none of us do, but everyone born, that grows up around others, leaves some sort of imprint, good or bad, it is something.
I was going to leave, I got my shoes on, HRM on, i think i turned the Wahoo on...
and brain just wouldn't stop. Allan via Adam, has pushed the brain into some crazy deep introspective loop...
It isn't warm outside, it is dark, I have a workout to do when I get home and dinner to make in some order or the other
but i'm sitting here thinking
but dissipating now, perhaps this was enough to be able to move forward
it needs to be, it's now later and the words aren't flowing, more or less weaving back and forth not sure where to go or what is going on...
lost? adrift? a waste?
no anchor? maybe that's everything that has always been my problem... i don't have an anchor, no mooring, yet I haven't moved much since I first raced Eco-cross way back... heading there Saturday... racing twice... not sure what to do, how to go forward...
i want to hit play on all the voicemails i have saved from my dad, to hear his voice again, but everytime I go to look at them... i stop, i don't hit play...
time to pedal, time to let the wind be the only sound I hear and my knee to mark every pedal stroke
There is a hell of a lot to unpack and absorb in there. getting towards the 1:26 mark kind of resonated more than the rest... the whole bit of performing being like bike racing, to pull it in further that's where I am with teaching now, and trainings. There's this kind of all in time to go lets see what happens, and one hell of a lot of hard work going into to what can seem like an effortless and solid performance.
If you've caught any of my results this year, well my racing has been absolutely anything but that, it has been tortuous, frustrating, mechanically challenged, and life has just not stopped throwing stuff to deal with.
It is time to ride home in the dark.
Maybe i'll have a chance to write some more tomorrow while i'm at the tire place waiting... cars are expensive and unexpectedly so sometimes.
Not even two years old and the fucking tires are trash. Bad roads? maybe. Alignment? maybe... hopefully these new tires do a little better.
Time to torture my knees with a nice singlespeed ride... i think i really need to pull the geared bike out and make it work again - this constant overgeared is not helping recovery. go figure
Yeah that's totally enough food. Um no it isn't says the version of me in the 2-5pm timeslot before getting on the bike to ride home super hungry, and then I'm supposed to get on the trainer for an hour?
This is gonna be interesting.
I should write about the races this weekend and the crazy and the stuff... the stuff after finding the frozen bottom bracket, and all the rest.
I should also sign up for the rest of the races.
And the rest.
maybe tomorrow i'll pack more lunch
but probably not
we'll see
also waking up at 5am is overrated
i'd like to sleep in more but the last week, well, the DOGS now also think that 5am is time to wake up and go outside, and well..
Dune is finished... That epic saga, the tome and a pinnacle off scifi... I've read it before but well over 30 years ago now. That shitty movie edition clouded my memory of the book, but in the same way it was so different from the book that it almost felt unrelated.
That weird state of mind after finishing a book. Esp a good one absorbed so obsessively.
Got home with some daylight. Thought I'd change the gearing on the CX bike. Go to the 20 from the 22...
Of course, the bottom bracket was seized from Fruitlands. Oops. Got that sorted out before it got to dark. Compressed air, liquid wrench, power tools, then finally some grease and a torque wrench.
Crank back and working. For how long? Who knows. Time for new bearings perhaps.
Then moved to the 20...
A major shuffle... 20tb off the Stache, chain not so different, all the way back... Not right enough. Take a link out, wheel all the way forward, chain still too short.... Fuuuuuck
44-20 is a good gear. But impossible combination, I think I need a 19 or an 18... Badly.
But, I have a 17...
44-17. Was the singlespeed gear on the black Blue pit bike when I ran the 46-17 on the white blue... It was a bit easier. I'm guessing I might be doing a hasty shuffling Saturday morning.
But maybe this will work. For all that work I just should have put gears back on.
We'll see.
Was up at about 5 this morning. Did laundry while listening to the book, kept busy. Worked at home then made the way in.
Shooting to be up that early tomorrow as well.
Might make the weekend more successful, I certainly don't need any more handicaps. There are enough self imposed ones as it is.
Odd being home alone not even turning the TV on...
I ate far too much dinner, the short workout and the culmination of the book didn't help. And in my fatness my eyes grow heavy swiping tiny words out on my phone.
seems people make a big deal out of things turning 50...
funny that, here I thought I was all over it and had put it behind me...
That compilation fucking rocks. Well done. I mean what other rock song has been overplayed that much, what song does everyone know all the lyrics too?
Why? it is a good song.
And it stuck around.
Made it through the weekend, wading into the fucking insane week, some good news, some disappointing but not unexpected news, but mostly just non-stop. Till now and even then I only have paused from the crazy to share that compilation.
NoHo came and went and I didn't go.
12 years ago is still fresh in my mind. Saw a facebook memory, almost verbatim what I said about my head smashing crash on my 49th birthday. "Lucky I landed on the top of my head, not my face". Seems that my instinct is to hit hard stuff with the hardest part of my body, my head full of rocks.
At least my lights are all charged for the ride home tonight.
in
the
dark
Ugh...
anyway i might go cue up an OG version of that song and listen the the dudes that initially performed it
and then get back to grinding away. but then i did have a thought - it is me, the job really isn't a job insomuch as it is me, a part of me, there is a seemless integration with what I do and me and that's kind of cool, but also kind of strange and I'm guessing unique..
Northampton CX is today and tomorrow. 30th everyone or one or whatever it's a lot. There's a lot of people signed up. Huge race. Everyone seems to be there. Like the whole internet.
E was supposed to be in NYC running the marathon she didn't go. So I could have gone up. Done the day of registration, start in the back, where I belong, with 200 people on the course? Or, I could have (or really still could) jump in the car without a bike and drive and drive.
But I slept in, and I'm still tired. Trying to remind myself I need to rest more, I need to not feel destroyed every day. But then it would be pretty cool to go up to NoHo. Maybe tomorrow.
Of course this morning I'm driving coffee and feeling like writing. And I left the work laptop at work. On the good side I'm not as likely to work but now writing? Guess I could grab the tablet instead of swiping on the phone.
Thinking maybe bike shop today... Not sure I worked at all during October. Even if there's no bikes to build it's a chance to hang out with friends, or at least people I work with that are friendly to me when I'm there. Are they friends, like real ones? Maybe? Probably? Dunno tho. Most of the time, I guess everywhere, I just feel tolerated, like we'll be nice to you but def not act like we do around other people. I'd never think that if I haven't observed it pretty constantly over my life. But hey whatever. Maybe there's actually bikes to build and I can hide in the basement and help out and not impose too much.
Skipped the voltaren stuff last night, knee feels a tiny bit more inflamed/in pain than yesterday morning but not functionally different.
The Reddiyo plan has today as a rest day. Nothing scheduled. I'm already at 344 for the week. Sick a workout or a ride in tomorrow or both and should hit the 400 mark. For better or worse. Then start over again leading into really rad.
Really rad... As in the rebirth of Plymouth. Haven't raced that in a long while. Not sure if I should stick with the singlespeed or toss some gears on. Maybe gears? Or just a harder gear, go to the 20 instead of the 22?
Def not going to be at the shop when everyone else gets there today. Maybe bring bike and work on it there if there's no bikes that need building. I mean yeah I could work on it here at home but, it's not warm outside right now.
Sunsets have been pretty solid lately. I even posted one to Facebook.
That one. It was Thursday night. Next week will be in the dark.
And I'll pellar do even more trainer miles. They aren't terrible, maybe they are helping even?
At least it is sunny here.
Coffee cup is empty... Phone is almost charged. Time to pack some lunch and take a drive.
got home, snacked a ton, got on the bike had a decent but hard workout, short, and dinner and all that.
finished listening to a fantastic book. the new Becky Chambers, A psalm for the wild-built, worth a read - some really good quotes out of it and unexpected moments of joy and how to transform death and find joy in just conciousness.
at least i remembered to charge the headlight although i'm about ready to leave.
got to a few things on the list, maybe a few more tomorrow
life is full and busy and not terrible.. but it is exhausting, i'm skeptical about trying to get the workout done on the trainer tonight, wish I had more daylight or time to get it done somewhere other than in the basement. Maybe one of these days i'll get a new trainer, maybe one with power so these workouts can be done with that metric instead of HR.
Rob Kramer shared something on twitter today... i liked it, not 100% agree but in a way nearly so.
this morning i hit play on this song getting through the start of the work load but after scanning the headlines on twitter
Hit the Mighty mighty bosstones latest release front to back next. Then just work and work.
We'll see how tomorrow goes. Running light on the coffee intake,light in the morning and shared some with another during a meeting and we'll see how the ride home goes and the workout. Guess it is a good thing there's still some halloween candy, crush some of that in the KPerham sugar window and hope for the best.
No NoHo for me this weekend. Iceman is ALSo this weekend, now that's a gravel race i'd love to do, hah yeah no it is a "mountain bike" race or so they say, i've heard mixed things, and having ridden East coast tech now, and lots of Michigan trails, well, I'd call it a gravel race. shit - on that list of mine is getting that dropper post ordered. Would be nice to get it on shortly after the fork gets fixed, but i probably should have ordered the post a while back if that was to happen.
Pulling trigger on a few emails that are sitting and waiting for a moment and a re-read then i'll blast home and figure the rest of the day out.
So busy I forgot to hit publish on yesterdays garbage patch.
Guess I'll try and get home and do the workout tonight. Wondering how many TSS/WS is too many for a week for someone as slow and stressed as I am. I hit nearly 500 WS over the last two weeks (in a row) and I'm guessing that's probably contributing to why I was so tired and unable to compete the workout with only one day off the bike.
None of the workouts are over 100, but commutes aren't zero and I'm still functioning in a sleep deficit (not as bad as it has been) but overall life stress isn't measured and it is pretty significant.
Case in point, dreams last night were frustration RAGE machines, hard to explain the details now but the overall feeling of frustration and rage and all was and still is palpable.
Maybe I can channel some of that rage embedded to get through the interval.
Knee has been doing better but still residue soreness. I think maybe I need a week off of the singlespeed surly, too much torque. Need more spinny. Or something else. The diclofenac sodium topical gel (Voltaren) applied at night just before bed has been very effective at reducing the inflamation.
there was some other stuff I was thinking about but forgot now...
I did try and figure out TSS load limits, but didn't come up with anything more than a category breakdown not an age one although i'm sure there are plenty of 50 year olds that can hand a cat 1 level week of 700-1000 TSS, i'm def not one of them. As evidence by my getting lapped by everyone at Fruitlands.
Trying the eat more to combat fatigue, sort of working. But not totally. Back of my brain still wonders if the thyroid enlargement (basic and specific tests said all the levels were normal) has something to do with it all.
also go listen to this album start to finish (or not, might not be your style) but is one motherfucking iconic album and important bit of musical history
what is it, why is everything so f'n upsidedown and sideways?
Shit's getting done but not easily or inexpensively.
The car, no not the stinky Jetta, the one we got new? yeah, that noise? Long and expensive story and well, frustrating and annoying ugh - tires should last more than 20k miles.
Mailed the fork back. No Call Tag of course. "We don't do that for warranty anymore" well shit. It is only money. Hopefully it'll be fixed soon and I can get back to riding the shifty squishy bike.
Need to get dropper post for it and some GX AXS for it maybe, I'd say I'd get some shimano for it but, that's a good joke.
No time to start emailing candidates for the job, that will help me have more time to deal with the rest of the stuff that is keeping me occupied.
And yeah, could be doing that now but I figured taking 5 minutes to vent here after wolfing down lunch in 10 minutes is okay.
I have 3 minutes left.
Still tired. Def not doing the workout tonight.
Maybe I can get Wed's planned workout done before heading to work, before I'm wrecked by another overscheduled and intense day.
Well I bailed on a workout for tonight. Just couldn't. Took yesterday off, rode super easy to and from work. Record? Low heat rate on the way in averaged 78. Riding the singlespeed Surly bike. Slowly.
Same home (slowly), not as easy but not hard.
Attempted the workout, almost bailed before the first interval, got through the first and yeah just barely and done.
Need more rest. Life plus workout stress was too much over the last ten+ days. Might bail on tomorrow's workout preemptively
He shares a birthday with my little brothers. It doesn't take a brilliant therapist to connect the dots that having little brothers with a birthday on a NATIONAL party day does for me relative to my neglected birthday that always happened before school started right around a holiday that had the family working hard (Bumbershoot Festival).
That doesn't have anything to with this or Nick or anything. Although I'm sure we can tie Nick into this w/o much issue.
That said.
Short film by Nick. It is on Youtube. Go give it a watch as a late birthday present to him.
It is entertaining. worth the 20 minutes.
In true Nick Cz fashion I'm sure it'll be a dead link before too long so don't wait to go watch.
Dead scope opened up an extra bit of time. Downside is it is the SEM and I can't actually work on the rest of the imaging for the show.
Also so much to do but hey, I'm overwhelmed and still pretty tired. Physically and mentally pausing after the crazy doesn't feel much more than required.
