Ah Colorado you tortuous place

 So, you know what's not so far from Salida? And an hour away from Buena Vista?

Saguache

Have to remind myself to NOT what if this shit.

When my dad was there I had not yet gotten back into MTB'n. I had no bike. Now I have two.

Salsa Cycles Presents: Banana Belt Bike People from Salsa Cycles on Vimeo.

so now what?

anyone want to buy a chunk of land w/out any utilities or water or mineral rights outside of Saguache? Used to be a town dump (piles of rust flat cans mixed in with that shitty nasty plant that cuts truck tires if you drive near them), mostly flat. Good for solar if there were utilities. Probably could clear a couple flat spots for a trailer/campsite.

Near some pretty amazing MTB'n from the looks of it.

Sigh.

great video anyway

is it thursday already?

I worked from home for two days. made the second pot at home, problem is home pot of coffee is much bigger than work pot of coffee and that meant I was drinking more and well - slept great until about 3 am last night. The night before was the same except every gust from the Nor'Easter woke me up. 

I. am. tired.

Oh and I just got a flu shot. And today has been stressful and tomorrow will also be and I signed up for Fruitlands in the rain on Saturday.

I look at myself and thing, are you really that oblivious and stupid?

YUP

and then there is shit like this I wrote earlier and left here to stew while working on everything else:

but look how many people are dying that are vaccinated is not the flex or strong point for you trying to suggest a vaccine mandate is not helpful (pro-tip, it is helpful) all those dead vax'd people are probably

"... immuno compromised people who have no reaction to the vaccine because of things like, you know cancer, and other pretty common shit, or just other issues, kind of like how the whole bunch of old white dudes are so fixated on deaths and ignore all the other issues with covid as a disease, and if all those unvax'd folks got vax'd the people who have no immune response to it probably wouldn't die but hey - fuck them, who cares they deserve to die because they are weak and people shouldn't be mandated to get a vaccine just to reduce the chance of them dying. "

i posted the "" section over in a FB thread and then after a minute copied it and deleted it.

someone else posted something about 1 million 5-12 years olds getting vax'd would probably save 0-5 lives but leave some hundreds of them with heart issues from the vaccine... 

"um - you have no idea what you're talking about and you're an idiot for re-tweeting that bullshit image AND HOW ABOUT LONG TERM SHIT FROM COVID" 

just because someone doesn't die doesn't mean they aren't compromised for the rest of their life. Sterility anyone? I mean I guess if your kid is eligible for the vax and you refuse to get them it well... maybe you really don't need to expand the gene pool with your lineage. And then there's the people arguing against it who've never had kids, won't have kids and don't like kids. So ugh.

Fucking people

And now it is later than I wanted it to be and it is getting dark out there. I have a decently easy workout at least to do but also not enough daylight to do it outside anymore. Trainer night again maybe. If I can figure out what to make for dinner.

Time.

Lots in my head but no time to get it out...

I did realize that maybe this current crop of kids needs therapist because none of them are keeping secret journals, is that what kept us all sane? Writing in that book that no one else would read?

well we know how much value I get out of this - the same as it costs me...  $15 a year or so for the domain, i was fine with some random ass blogger page but NOOO someone had to go and reg the webpage. nah it has more value than that, a lot more...

there's some exciting stuff coming down the line but right now i gotta get home before it gets dark because I didn't bring a light (that is charged and I just remembered i was supposed to charge it today).

Alright

heddwch

G 

yesterday is not today

 it was a rough one that yesterday was, made it through.

what else to say? not much, moving on

There's some issues with the Reddiyo app and interface and data, not sure if it is the ancient 510 header data but it seems to be normal on Strava and looks the same as the Wahoo (did a side by side comparison today) but somehow the 510 data is interpreted strangely by the app. There's a Coggan score, they call it Workload Stress (WS) which is TSS by another name. And some how that doesn't seem to match up well.

Maybe it is the HR data. Maybe the algorithm works perfectly well with power but not so much with HR. Afterall HR has a narrow range and power is bigger. Broader data range makes lots of things easier. If the range you're trying to capture is between 89 and 160, well, that's pretty low resolution. Then couple that to the HR lag at the start of interval and then the over-run at the end. Neither of which happen when using Power. Suddenly a very clear cut interval (using speed or power) isn't so clear cut is it.

One of the things that I found engaging when submitting the application to be an ambassor for Reddiyo was the ability to train with HR. Who coaches with just HR now days? NO ONE. it seems at least.

So lets see how this works. Or doesn't work. I mean who DOESN'T have a powermeter? Besides me? Fine there are lots and lots of people w/o power meters, but very few people who are racing and doing structured training and or being coached (self or other person). Why? Because that shit works.

Why don't I? Well lets see, can't do wheel based too many absolutely different bikes. Crank? Yeah again, how many bikes? And just about every bike has a different style crank arm, also 180? Yeah okay. Then what?

Pedal based system? That might work but then changing pedals EVERY RIDE would be a giant pain and well, ultimately not great for the crank arms. 

Now if there was a shoe based system, that I would definitely think about. I wear the same shoes on everybike. Already have a cadence sensor on the shoe. Would be happy to move saddle up a couple mm to fit a sensor between the cleat and the shoe. Great breakdown about it here: https://cyclingtips.com/2021/03/are-cleat-based-power-meters-on-the-way/  so yeah, there ya go, I'm just waiting for that white whale I guess. Downside with that patent, it is for what looks like a 3 bolt cleat, not the 2 bolt SPDs I've got on everything.

Problems to solve, challenges to overcome. GeWilli never seems to do anything the easy way.

In spades actually.

Gonna post up a song video but will leave it as a stand alone post. 

I watched this last night. And man, yeah, I get it. And wow is that course in the film flat.

Back to work. late lunch after a morning of emails with a work out on the way in.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers,

G

Hello in there

 Lots of these John Prine tribute songs have been trickling out onto U toob lately. 

This one gave me goosebumps and had me sitting immobilized for the whole song

My brother says there's no one who can cover a John Prine song as well as John Prine and that he won't listen to anyone who has covered his stuff.

I think he's missing out. There are some that, yeah, not the best. But others? Some absolutely nail it to perfection.

Sturgill Simpson, Brandi Carlile, Jason Isbell, Bonnie Raitt, EmmyLou Harris...

Go check out the whole album. No, it isn't John Prine, but they are his songs, performed and recorded with love, respect and honor.

Ah shit, just que'd up Bonnie Raitt singing Angel from Montgomery, shit's got me tearing up while I write this.

structured workouts

 dunno if that is it or something else.

I woke up feeling like I had just gotten a fabulous night sleep.

but still felt sluggish and tired, a weird combo. So maybe I did sleep well but am so tired that it is going to take more than one night of good sleep to recover...

that or i gotta stop drinking coffee (and bulk up on weight, i keep forgetting that I gained a bunch when not drinking the bean juice) or something

maybe just a vacation

ah that's funny, i crack myself up...

Got up, coffee, got kid to school - rode along and drove the car home - ate food while watching one of the death and robot short films, dug out the black blue loaded up the training plan on the garmin and headed out for the workout in the cold. 

that was fucking hard and my heart rate things 1min on 1min off efforts are a joke. Oh we're supposed to start pumping? Fine, okay here we go... oh you're done? Fine how about we stay super high and only settling just as you start the next effort... maybe i am to tired for this

maybe i'm just out of shape

maybe i'm just built to ride forever, just not fast

And then of course that meant there was a good gap in the coffee consumption

too much of a gap

and now i have a headache

AND i'm still tired, both from that workout and life

I keep forgetting to finish filling out a form. 

I still feel like I'm trying to do too much but at the same time feel like i'm failing by not doing enough

all that and i haven't even touched on the emotions of loss yet

time for some single speed meditation on the way home. 

maybe there'll be a tailwind.

heddwch
G

overload

Sunday, MTB'n, there was this magic section on Fosters, 10 seconds maybe, one particular rock garden, it just clicked, the line, was just like 'wow'

I get what he's talking about here:

 and that bit about seeing trails somewhere else you really want to ride...

yeah...

the Zoo boys

 Joy is infectious.

Bikes are amazing

Be Kind. Always.

 Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

watch this, support this

 

perhaps you've seen it - perhaps not, thanks to Firefly, Built by Jerry and Velocio for sponsoring and sharing and creating this and opening up an opportunity to support.

go get your own jersey https://velocio.cc/blogs/culture/homelands

words... backed up

 sorry, just...  not sure where to start or what to say and no motivation to write or share..

I did race my bike on Saturday, and rode in the woods on Monday and am racing Wednesday. 

Spent sunday working on bike positions making it all the same relative to the saddle/BB setback and height.

the outpouring of condolences was heart warming but equally and opposite is the vacuum in the wake of it as everyone moves on and the event is out of their mind...

not mine.

I'm okay tho, sad, but functional...

back is def not full strength. woke up this morning a bit sore, def very much a huge set back, did not feel anywhere near as strong as I did pre-injury, and that's kind of discouraging, the feeling that peak form was Quad CX? 

Had tire issue Sunday too, kept dropping PSI until I put it up to 29, casing maybe too soft/worn to seal with my big fat butt on the bike.

I keep having the visceral response to death, that this is it and when we're gone we're gone and that's even writing that viscerally terrifying. My brother admitted to being like that for 10 years... maybe i'll find something that helps come to terms with it...

maybe i'm not totally okay but this also really didn't start before reading the quote on my birthday...

there ya go - another reason to hate the day

To make it all worse I've been sleeping like shit. Basically bad sleep since returning, i got no sleep and had zero consistency with sleep timing while out there and was taking Aleve non-stop...  last time I took anything was before the flight. I would guess my body is kind of wondering what the fuck that shit was good and now trying to re-equilibrate to get back to normal. Been going to be earlier because E is getting up before 5am to row... 

more shit to figure out

okay fine - i'm in a bit of a funk - but still surprsingly good at faking it when pressed or asked... you're not going to get me to admit (other than here) that i'm not having an easy go of everything

But here these cheered me up this morning:

I remember when that kid was just a kid...

oh and this one:

Do good, be kind...

heddwch

G

grateful timing

My Dad, J. Byron Williams, 1938-2021

There are stories to tell, memories to hold tight, and maybe better photos, more 'him' photos, many of which probably will show up over time.

This one was an unshared photo from the last big block of time I spent with him in March 2019. The progression of atypical parkinson's had slowed him down already but he was still walking around on his own and mostly in control.

Recently, he had finally had enough, didn't want to be poked or prodded or to be back in a hospital. He was done, and earlier today, went out on his own terms.

I'm deeply grateful to have been with him and my brothers this weekend before our dad finally, and fully let go.

am back

 lots to say but not quite sure where to start or if i can say it now

time i suppose

so now what? two weeks of immobility with the back another week here, and a big block of races i'd planned to do but now thinking I probably shouldn't to them all...

and now that i'm sitting in my office, suddenly the wave of exhaustion is settling in, not sure i'm going to make it till 3-3:30

took a bunch of photos

posted some up on the IG, mostly in the stories 

should put them up here with description and stories to go with

i think maybe some SEM time then catching up, we'll see if i can stay awake or not

Here I am

 In seattle, well Montlake Terrace to be precise.

Dad's starting Hospice on Monday. I'm here

all the brothers and the two grandsons were in one place together

it is a lot to process to deal with

planned on racing today, didn't plan on getting up at 3:30am in RI and flying to Seattle. 

good thing i know i can go for a long time w/o sleep. 

this is different than that, i don't have all the food and hydration and coffee and everything, and it is complicated and difficult and there's the whole pull from the my mother to see her, my sister to see her baby.

no time to ride

or eat, maybe not even sleep.

got cleaned up, had a few minutes to relax, charge my phone, take a MUCH needed shower.

bike racing? nope was going to race today, signed up even. Donation to the cause.

maybe i'll be back in time  to race next weekend.

life 

it is what happens, time to soak up the moments that I can

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
G

not much to say

 Social events here at work have a way of underscoring just how isolated and alone my existence is here. Microscopes don't throw parties. 

It isn't complicated but it is complicating. I did manage to overcome the social anxiety and the feeling of not belonging and went to the big all staff event. And it was just as lonely and isolation affirming as I expected. I ate a little food, got my T-shirt, had a seltzer water while everyone was tipping back beers and wine and hard seltzer. Yeah I panic'd for a minute thinking this was an alcoholic but no, it is just water.

Made it back, and cued this up. The Radavist has some good content. And this def lightened my mood and helped the mental state.

Dogs and MTBs

 I have very much a strong desire to have a trail dog, I love the idea, the extra bonding. My dogs are old. Older than Luna, they are slow, not so much lazy as more just sedentary and content to sleep and chill all day. I envy that in many ways, This whole convalescence with the back has made it pretty clean I'm not good at relaxing, and with the pain I have been physically unable to do so, and doubly so when the chairs you're used to lounging in, the couch, even the bed, are uncomfortable, and esp painful after more than a few minutes.

Today is maybe a good turning point. I feel better. But my knee is saying "HAH guess what? I was fooling you with all that Aleve you were taking, I'm still fucked." Back of my mind has me thinking I set the saddle a touch too high on the Stache for Sunday's ride. But since I need to re-grease/friction paste the seatpost (creaking like a i was complaining about my back - constant and loud) I'll just do that and be really fastidious about seat high. More than i was setting it. Part of the problem was I set it w/o being able to bend down and really get a perfect measurement. Flexibility is helpful for bike set up. Or is for my method. Was insanely painful and difficult to do the setback measurements. And setting this up? Well I probably paid less attention to detail than I should have.

Also, I think the 1cm further forward on the Crockett is actually a bad thing. Not the worst thing but not a good thing and I do need to find a set back post for that, fortunately a cool Thomson post should work, if I can find a black layback in 27.2.

Here, watch Luna:

Then maybe watch Laurie:

Now I'm on to more work and work and work

Amor Fati Motherfuckers
G

my twitter thread from today

The thread, I think I made a few editorial changes. I wrote it up, let it sit. Went back and tweaked. Tweaked again, and again. Let it sit. Came back to it, made one more tweak and hit publish.

Also, unusual was leaving it so that no one could comment. Twitter is about discussion, this was more of a chance/desire to say all this and leave it as a thought bit, not a discussion bit. 

best choice? Dunno, but feels more appropriate that way somehow. Stifles the agreement but more importantly doesn't give the outrage a place to vent. Sometimes (most times) comments are not good. Solobreak's comments here on this blog excepted. 

first opening tweet

Got thinking about a sensitive but important topic that tends to be divisive and me as a CHWM has no place doing more than wondering about inclusivity. 

Along the lines of why not use Pansexual instead of Bisexual? Doesn't Bi entrench the whole TERF argument? 

edited to this:

Something this morning got me thinking about a sensitive & important topic, specifically why isn't Pansexual used instead of Bisexual? It seems Bi can empower the TERF argument? 

It isn't my place to judge, especially as a CHWM, but working on inclusivity is a challenge for all.

the rest

The internet has answers, none that seem to resolve it, and most just accept and use it as inclusive. Isn't it just one more barrier for the T and NB individuals/community to contend with? 

Like this: Gay at one point was inclusive and only became gendered recently

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/01/dont-call-me-lgbtq/576388/ 

Of course Q has obvious political issues, and there's push back from the drop the B campaign as seen here from the UK source Pink news: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/06/15/drop-the-b-bisexual-lgbt/

There is no question that the gender binary inaccurately classifies humans, genetics and science shows us this. 

This thread https://twitter.com/RebeccaRHelm/status/1207834357639139328 is a fabulous read on that topic.

My rumination on my bike commute this morning started me wondering: were there forces of exclusion driving the selection of B instead of using P for pansexual? Perhaps let the sex industry have the B and make the move to LGPT+?

I'm contemplating this as a parent, a friend, a colleague, but clearly (although unbreakably tied to the community) I'm still outside of it. 

To close this I'd like to leave it with this:

If you're not working actively to include people (on any scale from personal to global), you are entrenching the exclusions that isolate them. 

Do  better. Do good.

Forget the shifty squishy bike

 I just want to not be in mind maddening pain.

To not be woken up with small muscles in the back going twang with a shot of pain as they lock up with unintentional movement, one, by one, until I can't move.

And then be locked in until about 11am after the salonpas and aleve kick in.

I don't like this.

I don't like how long this is taking to heal with no obvious change in pain levels, if anything it feels like it is getting worse.

Maybe the day off yesterday was bad for it? But I slept well when before then, although with the asymmetry of the pain now i'm favoring one side over the other. 

It is the whole right side, CX? Mt Bike? Both? Yes. maybe. 

Can't go back and change the ifs but man can I feel my brain chemistry change with this flood of pain signals and then the kick back from the Aleve. It feels weird and I don't like it.

Took a screaming hot shower at 6am. Didn't help, just made me hot and sweaty after and didn't really loosen anything up.

Time, and what? I'm stretching and all that I can do, kind of all the time. Moving, not staying in one position too long.

This sucks. Will I be ready to go for Night Weasels? Probably not, but maybe. 

When will I be able to start in on the Reddiyo training plan? Dunno, not sure. Not yet.

Maybe I do need to get back in the woods on the Singlespeed and work it all out that way. Maybe that's the key to solving it. Or at least re-setting it.

Getting hot flashes with the waves of pain.

This is not fun. Really really REALLY not fun.

But it is what it is and I can only do what I can do. I suppose I need to be patient, guess it would be easier to have a broken bone with a defined healing timeline. These soft tissue/muscular connection things are vague and drawn out and so unknown, and worse and worse with age and stuff...

ugh

hell I didn't even get a chance to write up about the races...

heddwch
G

Options for FS

Yeti

Ibis

Santa Cruz

Pivot

Scott

All their offerings are steep seat angles.

That 9point8 option plus flipping the chip on the Top Fuel looks like the only way to go. 

BUT Salsa has a slacker seat angle. BUT the shop isn't a dealer. 

Got into see the Doc today. She was unable to magically make it all better. Turns out my beta pleated sheets are MASSIVELY fucked up. Yay...

Translation: riding the top fuel for that many rides caused the upper back to scrunch up to try and support the weird position my hips and lower back were in and well, they all gave up and decided to say fuck it you're broken dumbass.

So I'm taking Aleve (yeah me, taking some OTC drugs) AND doc said to put some Salonpas pads on where it hurts so it stops hurting so the brain stops fucking shit up and so it can relax and eventually get fixed.

Which means everything is paused until that's sorted. Hopefully before next CX.

On the plus side my knee is almost completely recovered mostly due to the complete lack of hard pedaling since Quad CX. Guess it'll get more time to recover.

I'll ride to work tomorrow, chill and super easy. Probably stick a pain patch (or two) on in the morning before taking the Aleve to help target where it hurts the most and hope for slow and steady recovery and eventually getting back to pedaling.

Also Steep seat angles are FUCKING STUPID - for me... Could it be that everything else is too far back? Yes, it could be, but moving forward 10-20mm is possible on everything, will it help? Nope.

But, flipping the chip to the low position (and getting better at hopping shit) and getting more saddle set back should make the Top Fuel rideable. Maybe even dropping the bars a bit to close the angle down some more. 

Before I start chasing that demon I've gotta get all better again. 

Damnit.

Also, this has been some SERIOUS fucking pain, like I did not remember it was possible to hurt this much and wow does it suck. AND I DIDN'T EVEN CRASH THIS IS JUST FROM RIDING EASILY!

amor fati motherfuckers

G

Morning follow up

 Well, inspired by Solobreak's suggestion I made a concor specific fit jig to determine saddle setback and compare from bike to bike.

it lets me measure and compare both angle and set back from the BB spindle center.

There ya have it. 

I did actually compress the suspension and strap it in place to measure with sag. 

I measured the Crockett, the Surly and the Black Blue.

Did not measure the Stache because it doesn't have wheels on right now.

The actual effective top tube doesn't really matter, what matters is not being able to get the seat back far enough and now I can't bend over. Tried a few remounts on the way home last night - no pain - those muscles are fine. Somehow that being a bit too far forward completely screwed me up. 

And this makes sense and is consistent with the problem.

So how far?

The Top Fuel only has 6cm of setback (based on this jig, the hole and hanging tape measured from the front of the tape to the center of the bb)

The Crockett has 9cm

The Surly has 10-11 (i was getting sloppy with the measurements once I saw how far back they were)

The Black Blue is at 10-11 (only one i didn't write down, also hard to get good measurements since I can't really bend over - because back is fucked up)

I didn't check any of the Kleins or the Paramount or the White Blue.

I can still flip the chip on the TF, should drop it back a little more, but not much, and then still need another dropper post or crazy railed saddle...

But there's the numbers

the pain is bad enough that I'm thinking about trying to go back to the doc on Monday.

so frustrating

oh well

heddwch
G

It is the bike

 Chatted with Ben today... he absolutely confirmed that the cause is consistent and my deduction is correct.

Seat angle. 

I checked the Saddle to bar length (reach) on both the stache and the top fuel - identical.

How can I ride one for 24 hours and be fine and ride the other for 40 minutes 2x a day really easily and be totally fucked and crippled?

What's the difference?