You wake up, piss a couple times because you're trying to stay hydrated so your corneal scratch can heal but fuck that it still somehow despite special night time eye drops shit gets fucked up at 4am and you toss and turn until 5am, and then figure maybe I'll fall back asleep but at 5:20 figure, fuck this, I'm awake, let's get the day started.
Of course since i didn't do the shopping, different coffee was purchased, wrong coffee, weird coffee... not good.
But fine, still coffee. Coffee, is good, bad coffee is better than no coffee.
yesterday w/o coffee fucking sucked massively.
I had coffee, thanks to a gift card i've been saving for days like this for years. Good thing they don't expire in RI.
Today? on the bike before 7am, building special orders and getting to the picture factory only a few minutes late-ish.... walking into a maelstrom.
Brief pause with an awkward training session, fucking laser bullshit, this bullshit, more stuff... fucking frustrating...
i'm not a fan of authoritarian bullshit, esp when it is needless and counter-productive. but it never seems to be to the one making all the authoritarian fucking decisions.
I don't want some paper thin summer weight bullshit kit that costs 40% more than the normal stuff I need to replace.
Fuck the Rapha discount code gets me their base line shorts for less than the stupid paper thin pro shit, and for that matter I can order either Pearl Izumi or Bontrager at EP pricing, so i can get two pair of fucking pro-level awesome black shorts for the cost of some stupid shitty thin summer bullshit bibs that make some Dr's dick feel awesome.
But hey, fuck this shit, so tired of it all.
Been doing the books for this fucking club for how many years? For nothing, NOTHING.
I don't even have the mojo to race CX, much less to give a shit about CX. I mean FUCK that shit... never given me anything but heartache.
Maybe i need to just grow up and stick to being a fat slow commuter, what's the point of doing anything else.
Tomorrow maybe i'll feel better but today? Yeah fuck this.
Gimme a beer,
Oh hey, btw, if you haven't noticed this summer has fucking SUCKED.
Oh and hey, BTW, vacation? Director was sharing how much work it is to get ready for a vacation... uh, yeah, dude, you've no idea. The amount of hell i went through just to take a thursday and friday off to fly to OR to evaluate the new scope? No wonder I have weeks of vacation built up. And no wonder boss guy that you'll find me in my office on a day i have requested (and have gotten approval for) as a day off.
I think maybe my first tattoo should be big letters saying not 'sucker' but an ode to Marx and "PROLETARIAT"
bad mood, but like chip says this is more journal than PR shit, esp since I ain't trying to rep no one sponsoring my kit or bike... kind of got emotionally destroyed with every thing involved with all that... Worked out? nope.
Work through it? Yep.
I'll get through it.
Like flying across the country in the summer, ain't no fucking way you're going to totally avoid turbulence, unless you're a blessed motherfucker.
Turbulence...
When I was a kid it made me sick and freaked me out.
Now? Meh, kind of look forward to the ones where your stomach drops and you reach zero G in a commercial aircraft. Anything less is just what it is....meh... This is pretty good turbulence, but i still somehow trust the pilot, guidance is good, heading is good, lets ride this shit out.
So far no emergency landing...
not really sure how to dissipate today's anger.
I'm not fast or fit enough on the bike to be effective that way... maybe i should meditate... or play candy crush or something mindlessly placating.... too late to start watching a movie and still face the shitstorm tomorrow is going to be...
I'm backspacing and deleting 10x more words than I'm actually approving and allowing to sit here in the screen.
Tomorrow morning i might delete the whole fucking mess...
but at least Erin mentioned tonight that I seem to be struggling more than usual lately.
DING DING DING DING...
esp this week...
moving through...
turbulence...
it ain't that bad, only 25% of the passengers are puking and freaked out...
it is fine, just fine...
i have new shoes... if it ever stops raining i may actually sort out the insole side of things, i did finally get the cleats set up properly....
new shoes don't equal motivation btw... no matter how shiny they are.
fuck
but still
heddwch
G
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