Saturday thinking

Saturday thinking…

It has been a long week. Fantastic amazing ending of the week, only to have it absolutely make a 180 degree turn.

But sometimes you need to swallow hard and be alone and let others do their thing.

And then my brothers called, let me know my dad smashed up his truck in Colorado Springs. But he’s okay. The mayor of the town he lives in will drive over to pick him up and them one of my brother’s is flying out to drive my dad back to CS to empty the truck.

Today I had planned to get to the shop early to get caught up. Woke up at 6:15, drank a bit of water, put an eye drop in…  and passed out, woke up at 8… made an effort to get up, only to wake up at 11am…  FUCK.

Barely made coffee before the lack of caffeine became critical. Got dressed and for the first time since the 16th…  got on the bike.

And I made an attempt at working. It sort of worked. I got through a handful of bikes. Honestly most of them were sold w/in a few minutes of building them. A couple were sold before.

I realized today that building bikes alone, in the basement, is very much like riding my bike alone, mile after mile. Thinking of everything. All the things and nothing. Instead of putting miles in my legs I’m making sure people’s bikes are quality for their legs.

working for others…  doing what I can do…  life….  

mine....

Turn a corner, run into a wall.

Frustrated at each turn. Relaxation? elusive…  

Moving from one crisis to another obligation, and moving forward, always…

Good couple times a day this past week, of course this week, people have asked “How’s the riding going? Must be getting in many miles lately? Had any long rides lately?” Each was a bit of  a twist of the knife. I mean I have a good answer, I’m burned out. Tired, stressed. Bikes are wanting for attention and repair. I’m busy..  and i am pretty much willing to facilitate everyone else, 

well i’ve had a lot of time alone. figuring things out…  not really for the better, but knowledge and recognition. Life… choices you've made and all that... 

slowly making progress in my brain, focusing on attempt to add …  not subtract…  

Movie tonight: “why does this hurt so much?” “because it is real.”

yup…

Tea is at four, don’t bother knocking…

might try this sleep thing soon…

heddwch

G