Monday, November 28, 2022

Reset?

 Yeah, two mtb rides in the woods and I'm feeling good.

is it really that simple? 

Perhaps.

There's still a fuckton of shit going on. But manageable? Maybe? And we're probably tired of turkey. A 30# bird as a LOT of meat on it. A lot. 

But it is good and all that.

There's this guy out there. He's literally one of the best people I've ever met. Like up there with Mark Nicholson. Genuinely and literally the best. Kind, generous, understanding, loving, and fast. And all bikes.

He showed up in the memorable Geekhouse kit in NECX in 2011. A bit after the establishment was established but he was immediately embraced. 

And was routinely embraced, literally. He is just as much about the hugs as I am. 

He gave me shit that first CX season I was sober, rightfully so but also in a way that was supportive. Like Hey you dummy I've  been sober for [however old he was that year] but also with a good bit of I'm proud of you and am happy you've chosen that path and I'm here for you.

I've written about it here, but that ride last year at Crosstobeerfest. After my dad passed. We had a few chats off the course but that lap we rode together, side by side, talking about our dads, about how similar it is. Literally his reason for being there was to spend some of the last time with his dad. I had just gotten back from saying goodbye to mine. I've always felt connected and a shared something with him, maybe just out love of bikes, or maybe it is that spark that he has, that Mark had, that I connected with and not so much fed off of but being around him, just seeing him, was SUCH a positive boost, couldn't help but be a better person for just seeing him. 

Anyway, there are a lot of vloggers out there, and my habit of cranking the speed up finally met a match. And actually it isn't surprising. This 'episode' was just Bradford Smith talking. I tried to follow some of DK's earlier stuff but subject matter is important. And this subject talks fast enough that I could comfortably listen to him at normal speed. Rare.

Usually I'm "SPEED UP STOP TALKING SO SLOWLY" and then bump up the playback speed. not here.

Take a dose of life advice and maybe get a super SUPER tiny glimpse into what makes Bradford Bradford. This video needs to be 10x longer to even scratch the surface. See if you can catch the Matt Roy reference.


 

I'm doing better today, hoping it lasts. Riding in the woods on the MTB with fast friends is good medicine it seems.

heddwch
G

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

sporadic

 need some regular level shit here, looking back and Thursday was the last one?

It is wednesday and a whole heap of shit kind of noteworthy has happened.

If i rewind to the bike, and the seatpost issue. The set back on the cheap bontrager post I pulled off the e-bike worked but man it was creaky and protesting. And at one point there was a bit of a 'crack' creak sound from it, maybe the rails on the saddle or the post itself? Nothing actually fell off or got loose but it was a little disconcerting. 

Thursday, November 17, 2022

death, grief, tired

 it is strange, and challenging, I'm tired, productive, but definitely not living like an athlete. I'm tired. Been thinking about death a lot lately. Going to help process turkeys tomorrow. Process is a direct and accurate way to describe killing and preparing to make ready to cook and eat. Death follows us. My mother isn't doing well either. Her heart is not strong, and honestly I'm terrified. And petrified. She has a new puppy coming in February, her daughter is expecting her second child in April. She's doing her thing but her thing is to do too much all the time. And we're coming up on Yuletide season. 

That was personal, a lot and maybe too much to share but it frames where my head is at now.

And no, I really haven't shaken that feeling that clamped me in the vice on the morning late in August in 2021.

Jill Horner, one of the original and fantastic bloggers, shared a link to this story on the nazi-infested microblogging platform now owned by that idiot's version of a genius. 

I finished reading and just had to stop and reflect.

So I came here. After re-tweeting of course. 

Give it a read:
https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/561/grief-almanac-for-an-apocalypse

No, I can't appreciate the full depth of the story, but as a biologist, and a more sensitive human than most it seems, I understand it and understanding sets the stage for an emotional response.

So thinking about my mother of course makes me think about my children, I think about the generations, how I reacted and responded to my mother's parents, wondering how my parents impact my kids, where do I fit in the cycle and what can I do to make things better? I don't know but I try.

And I think about the time I have left. Of course I shouldn't. Need to focus on the present, absorb and relish and cherish every moment. That's much easier said than done. The dark cloud boiling out of the election as the political party hell bent on destroying America (in my opinion) took back control of the house and shit's gonna get crazy before it gets better.

The climate? Yeah that's a problem. the possible and potentially eminent demise of that micro-blogging platform isn't helping.

And I'm supposed to race bikes on Saturday? 

Gotta move forward. 

Amor Fati Motherfuckers - even through this kind of shit

heddwch
G

Monday, November 14, 2022

VALI


 Vali is amazing. 

Sturgill Simpson has a good tear jerker to change the mood...


Wednesday, November 09, 2022

at least he

 didn't claim it as official because of the film crew.


I get the rule though. Anyone who does any 'insane' distances. Having people around makes it easier. Having a film crew traveling or meeting for parts of it? even if unpredictably, are a mental boost. Very very very different than totally solo.

But on the other side, the FTK really should just be the FTK. Throw an asterisk on it or maybe have two? I dunno, he still had to pedal it himself and for some people listening to music is as motivating as seeing other humans so, maybe there needs to be a third rule, no external stimuli, no music, no iPod, no headphones. Maybe just an inReach mini and nothing else. Batteries only for your lights.

I dunno. Not my circus, not my monkeys, no one would listen to me anyway. 

I get that whole all day thing. Honestly I need another one. sooner than later I think. Kind of would like to do a big stupid long MTB version but where around here (other than the North South trail - different logistics) although, it is very high on the list of wanting to. Kind of thought about checking in with a friend about the fesibility of doing a 6 or 12 hr of Big River... Couldn't use the more bony trails but I think could still come up with a good loop. 

Monday, November 07, 2022

Monday morning armchair

 Okay, well there are no arms on this chair. Used to be but I took them off. 

Crossresults says it was a great race. But I think I got the benefit of a REALLY stacked field and no scrub. Except me. 

it was rough, like I mentioned. the whole forgetting to hit start and wondering why i wasn't seeing the four or five red LEDs on the headunit. Race brain thought maybe it was the bright sun. 

People kept talking about the wind. I really didn't notice any. Other than the start stretch and lack of wind.

Katie got a good sequence https://katiebusick.smugmug.com/Really-Rad-2022-Sunday/i-n6fJp66 kind of want to put them all into a GIF but that's work. And my batteries are fucking empty.

Strange. That's sort of the underlying story. Batteries dead. Mostly mental it seems, but def some physical overheating and tired elements on Sunday. Feeling a little sore but really not terrible. So that's good. Calf is twingy but not terrible. 

Oh meant to order a seatpost. Shit better get on that. Not sure what else I need from them. I'm sure I'll think of it as soon as I order. 


Crap - forgot where i was going when I started this...


haven't done this in a while - there was a post planned...  a story to tell but fuck it all if I remember now


maybe i'll remember on the way home

riding in the dark

at least I remembered to charge the lights, here's to hoping they stay charged.

heddwch
G

Sunday, November 06, 2022

that'll teach me to be optimistic

Race report.
It was not my day. Had a good couple laps. Calf/knee held together, twinged post race but was ok during the race. 
Was too hot for me, I was cooked. Yep laps were good but when Jason went around I couldn't stick. There was nothing there. I kept trying, kept pushing, but then when the UCI kids started flying past my head was on the swivel and my rhythm was gone and I just was rolling around trying to stay out of everyone's way.

It wasn't great.

Lots of good prep before the race today at least. Yesterday and the week? Maybe not so much. Too much. The sunsets were great but not everything else was.

My back started feeling like shit too, def need to go back to an offset post. I'm too old to be tweaking the position. Also maybe it is because I'm old and less tolerant of physical variations that I have to get it just dialed.

I'm bummed about the race. Am very grateful to have seen and gotten hugs from really good people tho. JTJ, RR, DL, RS, JM and JM. 

OK time to shower.

Full breakdown later with a keyboard.
G

Friday, November 04, 2022

Darkness approaches

 It has been creeping up. If you're out of bed (locally) by 6-6:30 you know. Darkness is already here. The evening commute still has light though, and gorgeous sunsets. (I've been posting them all on IG, there's a link on this page to check the photos out if you like). 

Sunday the darkness shifts, shifts to night. Commuting with lights in the dark starts Monday and the months of night riding begin.

I did sign up to race this weekend. I resisted my normal habit of signing up for both days, just because it is a two day race doesn't mean I have to race both of them. It isn't like I've been racing, am competitive or anything else. I want to race, yes. But I think it is the wise move to just do sunday. I would have signed up for both but was encouraged to do just one and that makes sense given where I'm at. Also I've discovered rest. Weird right? Being rested is a good thing. CRAZY TALK. WTF. Not being insanely worn down and tired makes it easier to go harder on the bike? Why hasn't anyone tried to tell me that before? 

Took the massive over-training last year even with the bad back to really start to understand, and then the days off, here and there, being rested and pedaling better. Even if it is just a really fast Monday and Tuesday after a light weekend. 

Knee is feeling better, well the calf is, but something about the bike position on the Crockett is wrong and it seems to be making the old sub patellar pain come back. I think I can fix it by sliding back on the saddle. I took the Specialized offset post off because the single bolt isn't enough to keep the saddle in the correct angle, I'm too big for a one horizontal bolt seat clamp. Need two bolts or a vertical bolt. And offset. At least I'm guessing it is the offset. Not sure. Need to spend time trying to figure it out. The Black Blue does seem to feel right. The MTB does too. The Crockett and the Surly? Not so much. 

Need to work on the second edition of the bike fit jig. Maybe incorporate pedal? I dunno. Would be nice to pedal without pain for once. But the calf is feeling good. Managed to snag a $50 discounted race license so I'm all set. Doesn't feel like it but man 52 looks old on that thing. 

So racing sunday in the singlespeed race, against a huge pile of fast folks, none of the slower participatory NECXSS group are there and we're racing with the Cat 2 and Cat 3 kids. I'm hoping Jake Wells slows down a little on day three, maybe everyone will be slow and me and Jason B won't get lapped after two laps. I mean hell I'd love not to get lapped but we'll see how it goes, how the course is. And it will be a smaller field, unlike the crazyfest that will be the masters race with three nearly full fields of 50. At last coutn there were just over 50 people signed up total in our three fields. We'll see if this 44-19 feels as good as I has lately. 

It felt really good on the Dirt smack. Only issues were starting on the slow wet uphill roots, but that gave me a chance to run. Why starting on those? New kid got a new old bike. Busted pedals (only could clip in on one side, and first time on them it seemed) and the Di2 stuff is mangled. Bent hanger I think, or bent rear der. Ultegra stuff on a Crockett, the singlespeedable one. I joked that he might just need to ditch the gears, but I think he likes the gears. Most people do. Of course his light died too. And first ride in the woods in the dark? I think he still had fun. I hung out and fixed it and helped and when a wrong turn was taken in the woods a few times I dragged everyone around by feel to the right place. Helps having a bit of a local knowledge and feel of the place. It went long with that and even going slow the gearing was good. Going fast? we did that too, and it actually felt pretty good spinning at 120-130, work but not terrible work. Rode in yesterday a bit late but managed to keep it close to 95rpm all the way. 

International Singlespeed day was the 2nd, and well just been a SS week on the crocket. Rode the shifty squishy bike on Sunday. Back of the knee actually was not happy but it also could have been a bit of maintenance inflammation that helped fix it. Because it felt fine on Dirt Smackdown, even with all the running and remounting. 

Still need to work on the brakes on the Stache, the front brake hasn't fixed itself sitting there. Probably head to the shop on Saturday. Matt had ordered skinsuits for the team but didn't get anything bigger than an XL and while that has worked for other skinsuits for me, the castelli no so much. They are larger sized than their normal items (like the summer jersey I have that i couldn't get into the XL, the XXL and had to get the XXXL). I tried it on, got one arm in the sleeve, barely, but only the second arm halfway and couldn't quite get the shoulders all the way up and the zipper was already straining at the seams. It would have essploded, if I could get it zipped. There's stretchy fabric and then there's not stretchy enough. This was not stretchy enough. Kind of bummed that everyone else has the cool kit but not really. How many CX races have I done so far and it is November? 1. Last year I raced way more and my back was fucked. Granted yes, I took the kid to regattas and had to let the knee recover (different than back) and some of the regular races just didn't happen. And I race the big MTB race too. Or should I say participated in it. But CX Nats is here in Hartford. We'll see how sunday goes. If it is anywhere passably okay I might break my promise and actually race at nationals, maybe...  $115-135 for a race you probably won't be able to finish is pretty steep, but it is Nationals and it is local enough to drive to, and maybe I'm at a place where I can race and enjoy as many laps as I can get. That and racing through the boathouse with what the crew kid has been doing would be cool. I was there with her for the big regatta there. So, maybe I need to race at the same place on the bike? We'll see. Probably should do a few more races. Not many. 

Last day of sunset season is tonight. The Biannual photo bombardment. I kind of leaned even more into it this year, why? Because a few people said they appreciate them and really like the photos and, well, there might be others that also like it but aren't saying it directly so, fuck it, there are no rules and it is my feed and I can do what I want. So I have been loading up the servers with photos. 

That social media thing though, swerving around jumping into different platforms but forgetting which ones I'm on and well, not sure where everyone will land, but there's some writing on the wall that twitter won't last, but again, we'll see. Kind of makes me long for the days of 140 characters, no photos or gifs or emojis and pure chronological feed, no algorithm... simpler times are behind us indeed.

Time to move on with the morning.

heddwch
G

Friday, October 28, 2022

Talk about a song that resonates

When they introduced this song they talked about the origins of the name of the band, talked again about how most of the band were alcoholics that didn't drink anymore, and that most all of them identified deeply with Woody's lyrics.



Gotta say I sing along and feel this song and am grateful for having the courage and wisdom to recognize that I needed to stop or i'd wind up like bourdain or robin williams or countless others who met a premature end due to mixing their demons with drugs and alcohol. My demons are still here, they haven't gone anywhere but we sit around drinking coffee. They know that if I go they go too, we have a mutual interest in sticking around.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

G

one of those things

 Where I just get too damn busy, then focus a bit too much energy elsewhere when I have small moments and then totally forget to get the shit out of my head in this space.


And thus an unintended break in the web log.

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

new knee thing

 Well, it isn't the knee but it kind of is and my Doc seemed mad at me. "You only show up when you get hurt" 

I think she'd prefer I show up regularly to keep things more aligned. 

She also, incorrectly, said "It doesn't matter how long I tell you to stay off it you're going to ignore me anyway." 

Guess I deserve all that but still. Nothing to do really. And of course the lack of riding and the knee (the front part) is unhappy, because of course it is.

Compression and Voltaren is her recommendation. No tear, just a strain but a painful one. 

HOCR is this weekend, going to boston at like 3 or 4 am on Friday, then going to Dropkick Murphy's show with Dean that night. I don't think the knee is going to be good enough to go on Saturday so I'll be missing MORE cx, and John and GCD's race. Guess I need to look a bit closer at the calendar to see what is next up there.

In the throwback vein. 
Pre-race hype song was covered by that big clown guy. It is good:

Damn those lyrics still hit hard

it is sunset season:

Lets see what tonight brings.

Reading "the dispossessed" still...  it is some heavy stuff in many ways, in probably many unintended ways. In other ways it is a full on propaganda story. Fresh out of the early 70s hangover from the summer of love and unity in the 60s. 

Y'all be good, be kind... Amor Fati Motherfuckers

Heddwch
G

Friday, October 14, 2022

So, remember when I mentioned the new knee thing?

 Yeah about that.

Guess it wasn't fully healed and now it is way worse than it was.

Like WAY worse.

And it isn't knee as much as calf, that medial side of the gastrocnemius is pretty messed up on my right leg. Crosstobeerfest was Wed. 

44-19 is the perfect gear, for sure, for me, right now. 

19t cog from a cassette is a REALLY bad stand alone singlespeed cog. If you have a tensioner to guide the chain it might work, but straight up singlespeed? NOPE. Mayo calls it Presto-Change-O gear choice. 

It likes to shift off at every bump or high cadence opportunity. or when you're just coasting and start pedaling. 

Discovered that first on the way to get the car from the dealer. Massive issue driving home from CT. Anxiety spike through the roof, but the car made it home. Dealer fixed it no charge on Tuesday.

But Tuesday afternoon was spent calling, texting, DM'n everyone locally looking for a 19t SS cog.

Donny Green had one and brought it to the race Wed. All the PVD shops had all the cogs other than 19, just no 19s. 

But to the point of the start.

Well bike sorted. Car sorted. 44-19 feels really good. Like just tall enough and not too tall. A little stronger maybe fitter and I could maybe turn a 44-18 like Jake Wells but the 19 for me? It is good.

But what's not good... is that thiing that happened on the big ride with Greg.

Everything was pretty okay doing pre-ride. Felt a little sore pre-ride but could hop okay, could do barriers not to badly.

Course felt good, 

got a good enough start that i wasn't in a scrum at the barriers and was able to go fast and the first push off with my right leg hurt a lot, def something said "Oh Fuck No" and maybe not torn but strained badly. The pedaling was fine. Fortunately. Got over the logs okay the first time, thought, maybe I should hop the finish line log, did that and it felt like someone put an ice-pick in to the top of the calf near the knee. Well fuck that's not good either, but pedaling felt REALLY good.

It was dark, had the Wahoo on with the LED HR display. It dropped to orange in the twisty on the first few laps, mostly because traffic was going slower than I could and I couldn't pass w/o running and well no I can't run.

took a few laps to realized that if I kept my knees bent and kind of hopped or used the bike as a crutch and never planted my right leg I could move at not the slowest pace. 

But odd thing happened, I started pushing the HR up into the full red, and it was staying there and I wasn't fading. WTF? 

Was racing people around me, was reeling Jason B in, had Colin R closing in on me (he made a final last lap pass when I was hobbling over the barriers), and Ossa trying to catch me, and played tag with Robert Mayer and it was just fucking strange.

I was racing, full gas the whole fucking race, and then the timing got fucked up and they made everyone do two 2 laps to go laps, and I was thinking i'm getting lapped but I didn't get lapped, what the actual fuck, and while one less lap would have been good for my leg, the hopping running part, the pedaling part of the legs and lungs and heart all were totally good. HR was highest for the last three laps and I didn't fade speed wise. 

If you have been watching GeWilli race, he's probably not done that since Plymouth 2013. 

And now i can't walk. 

Well I can walk but it fucking hurt and I have to keep my heel elevated. 

I can pedal, but wound up in a really really deep puddle without quite enough speed and instead of pushing the pedals ankle deep into the water I veered over to the side and tried to put my right leg out. Well I did but it fucking hurt. 

Emergency foot down stuff is not good. Aka i think while MTB might be fine any hopping isn't going to work and if I have to put a foot down I'm gonna go down in a heap of pain.

So no Hale MTB race on Sunday. No CX.

Have a Dr appointment on Monday, hoping to have an idea of what the fuck is going on then, but till then I think I have to rest and I am more frustrated about this than I've been since I crashed and destroyed my sub patellar bursa the Monday before thanksgiving 2013. 

Last year my back totally fucked me over, this year? One errant and bad footing, running up a hill chasing greg and the rest who were pedaling their low ass gravel gears up a hill, and what?

Who knows? 

CX Nats is here in New England, well kind of, Hartford is CT and that's not really New England but close enough... and who knows how long this is going to take to heal.

12ish days wasn't enough to heal, and now it is worse and the clock resets for how long?

FUUUUUUUUCK

I know I know, "It could always be worse" 

it has been worse, it will probably be worse again, right now though? It is really tough and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

Anyone wanna ride on the road?


Fuck

heddwch
G

Saturday, October 08, 2022

well that was long

TWSS

So, laptop at work, and just swiping away this morning.

The week kind of crushed me, even with not so late bed times and no evening hard rides. A mentally exhausting, stressful week. Friday rolled around and went for the second pot of coffee. I should have skipped it but it was only 2pm, not terrible, yes not great though. Second pot at noon-1pm? Fine. Make it at 2pm? No good.

Every sound woke me up last night and then wide awake at 5am. Fuck it lets get up, make coffee, get started. Have to drive a long way soon, maybe I can get the old man bladder settled down after the morning coffee before leaving.

Last week (Friday) I did something crazy and dumb. And while doing that I thought I wrecked my knee in a totally different way. But I think now as it's healing, I strained or otherwise damaged the calf/hamstring connection right below the backside of the knee. 8 days later and it's mostly back to normal. Not quite though. Did amock CX stair run on Thursday morning and I felt it most at full extension. 

I probably should have bailed at mile 40 and just gotten in a 65 mile day on the bike last Friday. But no, I passed the 60 mile bail point (on snake hill road) too. And a few others and rode all the way up to Woonsocket, got a little confused trying to get from where they all kept going to Medfield, to the Blackstone bike path.

I was sore and tired and exhausted at that point. A tough 25 miles home. Lots of climbing on a 44-11-26 with heavy 40c gravel tires. It was pretty dumb. But it was fun and a chance to ride with the MPO. They were patient with me on the uphills. Nothing quite like being over geared and enormous.

Saturday was paperwork for kid, and recovery. Sunday was a drive to the place in Hartford where CX nats was for a regatta. Then an absolute mentally nutty week that cranked non stop all the way, productive but tough. And now get to drive nearly to NY today 

MRC CX is tomorrow but bike isn't ready, my knee/calf thing isn't quite perfect. So might just go hit dirt Church and grocery shopping instead of more time in the car. Racing on Wednesday tho. So have to get the bike sorted for that. I think I might go stupid over geared instead of spinny, but not sure yet. Would be nice to have a 21 or 19 just an edge harder and an edge easier than what I have now. Can't make a 44-20 work. Chain is too tight or too loose.

And then kind of contemplating doing a MTB race instead on Mansfield hollow. Ron put the SS race in with the P123. And I'm just not as in love with that course as I used to be. And the drive honestly sucks.

And the MTB race sounds more fun and cost a little less and is an easier drive. Might even try racing a shifty bike.

One CX race signed up for. No CX racing yet. This hasn't happened since I didn't race in... Um... What was that 2017? 

It is definitely more sport parent focused of a season. Yes kid could drive themselves but they don't want to and it's a chance to spend time with them before college next year, so I'm grabbing on and relishing it. 

Not totally ruling out doing a day of reg on Sunday but it would be more of a of everyone wanted to go up than anything else. That said I'm not sure I'm recovering fast enough to race a Sunday and a Wednesday. I guess I should be but the uncertainty has me reluctant to test it.

The rest of the house is starting to wake up. Better make more coffee.

Heddwch
G


Wednesday, September 28, 2022

still want to

 figure out how to play the fucking guitar.

violin brain makes it nearly impossible, but I also haven't really tired.

but hearing this guy cover GAI's 'If I go, I'm going' makes me want to


So yeah, I want to play guitar, take black and white film photos again, set up the dark room, get an actual black and white digital camera, and probably a whole hell of a lot of other things. 

Winning a CX race isn't there. being fast enough not to get lapped is always a goal, but one that maybe I don't care so much about. And if I don't care so much about that maybe I just need to forget it and stick with MTB'n? 

It's been a solid struggle on many fronts lately. Everything is okay, ish. but SO many moments of frustration and deflation that it just is kind of a throw my hands up and walk away for a while. 

My dad (his estate now i guess - aka me and my brothers) have a massive parcel of land between the BLM land and the main road into Saguache. Chatting with one of my brothers last night I thought maybe I should build a small bike shop there, and get a skid steer and learn how to make a pump track... it isn't super close to Salida tho. Kind of in the middle of no where, kind of flat, not much to build big jumps or free-ride stuff without making tall structures. And flat means maybe it won't work like the Post Office pumptrack. 

it is an idea that seems kind of fun, but also totally in the lines of how to end up with a million dollars owning a bike shop, start with two million. 

Got me thinking about Colorado. 

And my dad.

And then a combination of the day and the week and then the bivalent booster kicked my ass and I got in bed at 8:30 after doing dishes. 

I'm still tired. Everything is still overwhelming and stressfull and there really isn't anything anyone can help with or anything I can let go of. I'm already not racing this weekend.

But maybe I might find some escape on the bike on Friday. fingers crossed it works. even if it does involve getting on a train.

We'll see... 

sigh

heddwch
G

And yeah, I'm okay, I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

comfort

 Not sure I need to get into the whole cello thing, adjacent to it so completely, my brother studied with a few really amazing ones, and well he's still playing Philip's mother's cello. 

And this came up on my feed:


Friday, September 23, 2022

End the week on a good note

 Ever notice how some of the super stars really are absolutely flawlessly amazing singers?

Like Alicia Keys...

Her NPR Tiny Desk Concert is a master class in Joy, in Love, in harmony, in melody, in musicianship, in arrangements.


So good.

---

but now it is getting cold out there. I don't like that. Not quite ready for cold. Feels like we went from 90s to 50s and 60s. Skipping the 70s totally. Mid-70s, the perfect range. 

Y'all be good

Heddwch
G

Wednesday, September 21, 2022

and it rained

 it wasn't supposed to rain on the way in.

but it did.

and yes I'm procrastinating.

But also sharing this link: https://www.patagonia.com/stories/roscoes-last-ride/story-123508.html

It is rough after having to say good bye to Charlie, the sweetest ever (unless you were another dog, she did NOT like other dogs at all, barely tolerated Millie).

But still a worthy read. Didn't cry nearly as hard as I did watching the Dog's life by Shimano.

Trail dog, that would be a dream. 

Looked at the local shelter the other day, nothing but pit bulls it seems. Nothing against them, they can be wonderful and sweet and the best dogs ever, but they aren't small, and have a visual stigma, even with all the work everyone has done to advocate for the breed. Is it because they are the most feral and least likely to be spayed and neutered as a puppy? And then all the rest of the dogs, no chance to have more puppies unless they are an AKC/accredited/whatever breeder, or a stray or random unfixed animal. No more charlies, or millies...  can i find another JRT/Pit mix? Probably not, def not as a puppy. Or a Lab/springer mix like Millie? also unlikely. 

Sigh... that and watching Bernard Kerr's dog makes me miss Platty, my grandmother's then my dog after she passed. Platty was just the most awesome and loving english cocker spaniel, so yeah seeing Lada Man this season, has me kind of thinking that direction. 

But the odd thing is I've never really gone out and sought my own, they've showed up.

I watched Merlin being born when I was not too old, he was the biggest of the litter and we bonded. Then Platty showed up, same, then a gap, but there were family dogs, just not mine. Then we got to RI and the house and Lucy needed a place to live, and she joined us. she was spectacularly amazing, unfailing counter surfer and sneak carpet peeing wonder pup. Then Charlie and Millie needed a home...

And now Millie is hanging out, slow and stiff with age, lumps under her skin, slowed with age (same age as Charlie roughly)... and she's a little confused about Charlie being gone but I guess she's watched us go away for a while and then come back, college, world's selection camp, long race weekends... 

Is she just waiting for her return? But I think maybe she knew too, she saw the seizures, and the aftermath, and knew Charlie was 'off' but then what.

Yeah, just what GeWilli needs, something ELSE to overthink.

back to picture factory stuff
Heddwch
G

swipe post

Pulling out the computer? Nah. Phone based web log post? Why not.

I think I'm stressing to feel recovered from Freetown 50 on Sunday. That was easy tougher than expected. The fire tower climb wasn't in the course in 2019. Not being able to shift made me faster on the tech and hills but slower on the two track and while the course was longer than 2019 time was essentially the same. I had a few goals. Highest was to do well in the placing, second level was beat my previous time, tired in with that was to finish before 3pm. Finally goal was to just finish. 

Last one seems pretty low but finishing the F50 mile is not certain. And I think just doing that was huge.

I finished 6th. There were only 7 starters, one DNF. And finish timing was staggered pretty well. I was the oldest by 6ish years, tallest and heaviest by a huge margin. I think my bike was even heavier than Giles' surly 1x1 (rigid, steel, 26" wheels). He managed 3rd on that and the rocks were a huge struggle with the wheel size. 

The singletrack was more relentless than I remember, and the two-track further between. And that one section before the second feed zone was rough. Everything was rough on the hardtail, but when I was with people I was as fast on the single track as most. But the faster sections, well. Other than before the fire tower climb on the first lap, were slow. First lap up to the fire tower was good. Or too hard. But I will say it was fun, my skills are unrecognizable from the first time. And yeah. It's a much better full suspension course.

If I had picked the other bike and signed up for the Clydesdale race it would have been me and Lucas battling for the win. In the end I found him in the woods on the third lap. Ride away from him in some of the tech that went up hill, got to the feed zone first but filled bottles then tried to drink something bubbly, he came in after me chugged a mini can of Coke and took off. I caught him in the rocks, ride it as cleanly as ever, one light unclip and dab, and ride through him there, and put some distance in, enough that even with the looong two track before the finish her didn't catch me, I could see him. So it was kind of fun in the end to wrap it up with the heavyweight prize fight.

But no, no medal for Singlespeed Clydesdale... It's ok. I still got the new top cap. I finished.

Fueling was good, hydration could have been better. Started a little more dehydrated than I should have been, was tough to drink enough on the first lap and I didn't. Then at some point between the top of the gravel climb and the two track before the feed station I lost a full bottle. Giles found it and drank it so I'm very happy he saw it and was able to use it. But it meant I stopped and filled a bottle drank most of one and left with one full one. Grabbed two fresh bottles at the finish and another sandwich, drank one while one and part of the second by the aid station and filled up with skratch again, filled up AGAIN at the next stop. I should have be dining three -four bottles per lap, not two. Was hard to catch up once in the hole. So I either need to ride was faster to make the laps shorter or drink a LOT more and full up ever time past the aid station.

Next time. Hah.

Physically it was tough. My knees were sore. Everyone was sore. Way way worse that 24HIGG in physical toll. Not being as tired was nice, but was so sore that sleeping was not easy. Knees are about back to normal now, I ate so much after, refuel give the body all it needs to repair. Hope it repairs even stronger. But we'll see.

Still haven't looked at CX yet. Maybe today. 
Passed on smackdown last night so I could get home and make dinner and have another recovery day.

Bike was making some stressful sounds. But I think it may just be the stranglehold dropouts. The brake one moves and yeah it's tight enough. And unfortunately I think that means the frame is wearing out. If it would break that'd be good, but I don't think wear like that is covered under warranty.

Not that breaking would be good. Just a chance to start over without the eroded tolerances.

Ok, coffee cup is empty and the morning has slipped a bit later than planned. 

Signing off now

Heddwch,
G

Friday, September 16, 2022

The most tears

 today...

but honestly even with holding it in check a bit..  it was the most

last time i called the vet (for Lucy) i could barely get the words out, today i choked up and struggled but E had started the phone inquiry but couldn't' finish so I did...

Charlie had a seizure last night, about 8:35pm

She hadn't had her gabapentin yet, last dose was 12 hrs before. But it was more of an analgesic dose, not a full anti-seizure dose. 300mg every 12 hrs (she was 50 pounds).

Last night she recovered, mostly, got her pill, was having trouble walking a little, lots of limb weakness. But seemed more her self...

We think she had another seizure last night about 2:45am. But it had passed before anyone got to her, but the amount of saliva and fluid near her mouth was consistent with the previous one. 

After a bit she settled and L went to sleep on the couch near her. That's how they were when i came downstairs this morning, the two buddies that sleep together, have slept together for years now.

Charlie got up, went out side, pooped, peed, ate breakfast, got her meds. But there was only one pill left, so call to the vet once right when they opened to refill the prescription.

Got off the phone and not 5 min later she had another seizure. 

This one was full fighting snarling teeth barred scary evil dog massive tremor and convulsion. It subsided and then she took a few minutes to come back to herself, and then got up panting and walking in left handed circles, drank some water, but just wandered around, Millie was in the living room and they got nose to nose and started barking and snapping at each other, not good.

E called in saying she was going to be late (only one car at home) and she tried to make the call to the vet but gave me the phone and that was hard... harder taking her in. she wanted to walk around in the sun, but she was moving so slowly, a little unsteady, did NOT want to go into the vet... but her lungs were so full of tumors that her chest cavity was misshapen (from this photo 6 months ago or whenever it was taken), and yeah, probably starting impacting brain function, her breathing has been really labored lately...

it was time to say good bye.

it is so fucking hard.

to make that call.

to say yes, thank you sweet dog but you're suffering and this is the best for you, even though it means the end of you.

And well, fuck, y'all know where my head's been a lot lately so, yeah, this isn't great. 

But I'm okay. I'm sad as hell. I'm suppressing my emotions again, just to be functional. 

Charlie lived her best life with us. And she loved us as only dogs can, and we loved her back.

I'm not sure what else to say. 

she was a good dog

heddwch
G


Thursday, September 15, 2022

crying too much

Shedding all the tears.

Not sure why exactly. Sure I can point to the catalyst, but not why the emotions flow from my eyes so much lately.

Just finished reading this. started it earlier and, there are just so many passages to point out that I can't...

And maybe if I gave voice to some of the deepest reasons why, it might help...  but i don't think it actually would. And that's stopping me. Even from being so cryptic that even I can't figure out what the fuck I was trying to say without saying it.

Give this a read. https://thetownbicycle.com/geyaabi-nimbakade-im-still-hungry/

I'm doing my second race of the year on Sunday. Shorter than the last one, but the same bike.

the one with one gear

my race plan? Race myself. Not unlike what AH is talking about. If I am last or first, it doesn't matter. If everyone beats me and I honored the race and did my best, then that's enough.

It has to be enough.


Time to wipe my eyes and get back to work.

Heddwch
G

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Fonies

 


They dropped a new one.

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Ships in the Harbor...

Saw a notice about people being shocked that Tommy Prine's music was different than his father's.

Had a minute, just finished reading AC's latest story in Outside.  Next meeting not for a bit.

So I thought maybe let me check see what Tommy's stuff is like.

Read the intro words below and well, yeah. 

Listen to the lyrics. Much like many he's got a great voice, Gregory Alan Isakov style in a way.

Magic and perfect lyrics? No. But genuine, touching, heart wrenching? Yup. Well sung? yup.

Been a fucking kicker lately, eh?


heddwch

G

Monday, September 12, 2022

memories

we accumulate so much, and then all that is gone

my grandfather could recall every poem he ever read, recite it all on call. one of my brothers can do that pretty well too, me? fuck yeah i'm lucky to remember lyrics to a song i've heard a million times, my brain is good at recognition so i can sing along and more or less guess at the next word but...  w/o the prompt nope...

maybe too much science fiction, too much thinking about uploading, Dune, or Altered Carbon, or Old Man's War or hell any of the other stories about being able to download the human conciousness... i mean it could be possible, one day sure, but for now, we all each accumulate so much.

Some people maybe not, but like everything there's a continuum 

anyway it is what I was thinking about on the ride in this morning.

then wrote it down, got busy, forgot about it, closing things up to head home and oh, right, this.

posting up - should probably write up the rest of everything, the ride this weekend was pretty f'n great. Hard, fast, legs were pretty shredded at the end. But it was good.

Still tired - looks like rain tomorrow so, makes the choice of no smackdown easy. Gotta get the legs rested for Sunday.

Bunch of emails to reply to still, and some other stuff to send out paper mail and that's a problem, takes a bunch of extra steps. time and motivation, hitting the wall in some ways, not others.


Friday, September 09, 2022

Energy

 When you meet Mama go do? What are you gonna say?



Y Ddraig Goch

F'yeah Wales:



maybe it does't show the video here - but ya should go watch it.


My dad would have loved this. Fucking hell I love it.

Kind of what I needed.

I did finish the A Prayer for the Crown-Shy. There's a part where Dex is hanging with their father. That got me bawling on the ride to work (yeah I was listening to it on the bike). Then got to the top of the India Point part Ped bridge, and sat on a bench, looking at the water and listened to the last 14 minutes of the book.

Left my glasses on as friends and people I knew rode past on their way to work as I sat there with tears in my eyes.

It is a good book. A REALLY good book.

that's all i got today

heddwch
G

 

Thursday, September 08, 2022

Introvert

 

bikes... damn they do some good

 Lachlan has a really good way of putting it at the end.

Bikes kind of are amazing...


Good little short...

Smackdown report after a string of wordy content

 No videos or photos? WHAT? JUST WORDS? 

Yeah, weird. In the age of short video clips or mid-length to long vlogs and podcasts? just writing is strange.

Coffee time, okay this is the quiet coffee time. Kid is finally out of the house, but before everyone else is up, I should be getting ready but, i'm not late yet. 

Yesterday I re-tweeted something the eater did, they said do this or your wrong. Essentially. Becca called me out for trolling when I posted an alternative headline and said something about how maybe we should just stop telling everyone they are wrong. She called it trolling because i guess calling everyone who does something differently than I do 'wrong' is what I do. And yeah, my overthinking, fact backed, experimentally derived 'methods' are usually the most correct and I have over the years just taken the easy route and said do it this way or be wrong. It didn't sting at first, kind of funny, but the poison dart wiggled in and spread. And pretty soon i was wrecked. Wrecked by the indefensible accuracy of her observation. 

Yes, I have worked really hard to change, to not be that person, to suggest in a positive way, to lead with words and the basis of my conclusions in a different direction. It takes work to guide. It is easy to push.

And yeah I know, doing the work and changing is good. It has been good. Maybe there are people who didn't really interact with the OG GeWilli, who never got to experience the full force of the ASD overthinking analytical asshole. 

I replied to the tweet once right off the bat, quick honest 'hey i've been working at being different, maybe the sober thing maybe just wanting to change, but i really do want to change and so recognizing and pointing out others and calling them on it [esp corporate media accounts] feels important' or something, it was long but not super negative. 

Then the thread went on and one and fortunately took center on the whole pizza debate instead of me calling them out for just telling everyone they are wrong... but that seeped in, festered and triggered a crash in me. 

And I replied again, full dark sad me....

Left it there for a minute or two, deleted it. Then a bit later, deleted the first comment. So who knows what I actually said. Too much trauma triggered for me to recall the exact words. But I'm sure someone screenshotted it. Everyone screenshots everything now, right?

The thing was, this all happened while I was at smackdown. There was an A-group, and a B-group, but only a total of 14 people. Burke and I were the two solid B groupers, then there was a few others who usually ride with the B group and at stronger than both of us old guys, but not A group fast. Tine and Jay Trojan were there so you know it wasn't going to be a slow A ride. Andrew and Jay lit it up on Woodward, I settled into a hard maybe not quite sustainable pace coming down after them and it was just me and Burke. If I'd tried to get in the draft I might have made it but I knew it wouldn't last so I tried to just push it and figured Burke and I would have a good 2 man TT.

So we did. Had to slow down heading down prospect when it tilted up just a tiny bit. was dropping chris, but got him recovered he powered down the down to the townline and then I pulled around and dragged us to Pine and then up Pine, setting a decent but hard tempo, standing up only after Hillside, but that little added power popped Burke off my wheel, I could see Mike and maybe one more up the road, so I knew the A group had shattered and not-regrouped. And chilled while Burke caught up. Got him back, put him on the wheel and we chased down Mike. Caught him on Homestead, he said he was blown and waved us on but we told him to sit in, and we got him recovered, and I guess I kind of more or less lead us out until the downhill on Rocky Hill, and Burke took over, then on the up he slowed a tiny bit and I just held tempo. Not as fast as last week but I wasn't sitting in a draft of a big rotating paceline, it was just me. It felt good and hard and then bombed down the backside. Burke caught up before Hillside and we headed up it. Mike took the first section, then powered along on the flat. And I surprisingly recovered enough to go up the second and final section first. Weird.

We picked up Noah and he rolled to the front on the pine to walker stretch, flicked an elbow by the turn there with the swimming club, I dragged us onto Walked, then Mike went and pushed it, Noah got on his wheel and then i got gapped off, Burke came through and i got on his wheel and we didn't lose much ground to the other two and then they both kind of cracked, burke charged through and i found an extra bit of something and threaded through the three of them to power to the end. 

Rolled back and it was good.

A really good but small smackdown. Temps were good, legs not terrible. Most of the runners had made it off the path when I headed home. Kid had added something to the take-out order for me. 

Timed strava segments weren't amazing but they were good/acceptable, esp given how much work I did last night. So I was doing pretty well. Pedaling well. Those Black Bibs work. maybe I need the XXL honestly, the grippers are a little tight for my legs but hey maybe I am just that big.

And then the twitter thing. 

And back to whatever.

But as usual writing it down seems to help clear it out, remind me of the good stuff from the ride, going to let that try and frame the day. So maybe that's why I subconsciously thought i should write it out before shower and commute.

May you have a better day i'm gonna keep at the Amor Fati Motherfuckers

heddwch
G

Tuesday, September 06, 2022

didn't feel right

 To post this up on the twitter - even though it is a tweet.

(If you didn't like it, don't bother telling me.)

I think that's pretty awesome but at the same time a reality check on the online culture.

ThomP has been getting massively mansplained about trailers and everything associated with his adventures and learning about towing a massive rolling house. Someone we know did that on twitter, made a comment on FB and then they are gone. The comments weren't even negative or a problem, or explaining, but they were up and now they aren't.

People seem to want to react. Hell I do it. I catch myself. It is a learning process. And I have gotten better, still a ways to go. But, when someone posts something that brings them joy, don't be an asshole. Don't tell them how you would do it differently, how they did something wrong, or you see something wrong.

LET.

THEM.

BE.

HAPPY!

Monday, September 05, 2022

same old same old

 One foot in front of the other. 

shuffle through the darkness towards the light, three's nothing major blocking the way, but i can't stop here...

Wednesday, August 31, 2022

whatever i said yesterday?

Forget it - now in even deeper funk - but hey this helps:

KAYAK from École des Nouvelles Images on Vimeo.


kind of,

Monday, August 29, 2022

Calling it a win?

 Not feeling the effects of this time of year until last night.

Slept well until 4:30am, started to fall back asleep at 6am when the alarm was about to go off so I just got up instead of drifting back to sleep.

No idea on tomorrow. Not even backup plan for the back up plan.

Fizzle hard. And that hit yesterday evening pretty solidly. 

Just don't know. I had motivation at times to ride to Boston, right now there's good reason but the other side of things, riding there alone? Tomorrow? nope. Sometimes I wish I could figure out my motivation and solve it and know what i want to do in a specific enough sense that I could just do it.

No vehicle so off road adventures are all from the house, I guess I could ride to Village Park...   that's a longish way on the soft compound tires on the Top Fuel, or a really annoyingly long and slow pedal on the Singlespeed.

The ice cream hundo still sounds a bit enticing. But not quite sure where to go, Ice Cream Barn and Ice Cream Machine would work, combined that's a 60+ mile ride. But ice cream alone seems even sadder than not doing the ride.

Maybe this tiredness is something else. The nameless something else.

But whatever happens tomorrow is tomorrow and I need to figure out how to make it not what it is and what it could be. Would be nice if it was as easy as flipping a switch.

maybe i just need to stay home and in bed and watch TV or something totally useless and forget the bike ride...

just fucking struggling as usual. no big deal. it'll pass.

maybe i'll find time today to write up the 24HOGG before I forget it all, or maybe I just leave it all unspoken, and just the skeleton of documentation?

dunno

heddwch
G


Friday, August 26, 2022

International Dog Day?

 Oh hell yeah! Lets watch this again.


Thursday, August 25, 2022

Smackdown has changed

 And some people are great riders and good at keeping things going but not great at leading a group.

And riding single file at the gun over not quite flat terrain with people who aren't good at keeping pace and the whole yo-yo thing happens and I was stupidly in the back, getting yo-yo'd to death.

But I dug down and pushed myself solo through the ride. Wasn't my best time but wasn't my worst.

Felt off the whole time on top of blowing up early.

Oh well, next time. 

At this rate I don't know if the race will get written up, I suppose I should write it up, but now i don't have enough time, maybe tonight. But probably not. Post smackdown legs fucked up my sleep last night. And just generally unsettled and whatnot. A difficult day.

And now I'm hungry, at part of my lunch early, the rest wasn't as filling as I hoped and I have eaten all the snacks in the office. But then again, as I remember it, this was the SOP for getting down to the crazy light (for me) 195. I'll be happy to be at 205-210... not that I'll get there without all the days like this. 

But hey, goals, right?

I keep thinking about Nationals, can I put my mental framework in place to have fun and race the SSCX event and expect to get pulled every lap and still have fun racing? Maybe. I should probably find a coach that can write a plan up for me, esp since I've been so rubbish at it. But that said - the 'plan' i had for 24HOGG kind of worked. Although that was more just me being me and surviving while being undertrained.

And I think the boost from it might have already faded. Weee.

Anyone have tuesday off? No? didn't think so. Just not sure what to do now, kind of adrift, per usual. 

oh well

heddwch
G

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

Hey ya know that Old enough series?

 With that 'old' 36 year old ginger from Scotland? Wahoo Fitness video series?

I know I must have shared it. I watched it. He did the vid about West Highland Way?

Season 2 popped up a few weeks ago:
https://youtu.be/mUbJRxxytaQ


And that..

yeah well, what's the point GeWilli.

Well I went over to BBC to look for MTB World Champ coverage, saw the big headline I tweeted about this morning. A fucking FANTASTIC read and write up by Evie (go read it esp if you have daughters in sport - or work with young women in any sport).

And this:
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-62650682 I saw the thumbnail photo, hmm that guy looks familiar, it couldn't be? could it? 

yeah... Rab, one and the same. 

A year ago plus a few days we lost another wickedly fast ginger (while I was racing at Great Glen last year), Evan died going into the final turn, just about to win in a dream like finish against a crazy stacked field. I would be lying if his death wasn't on my mind going into my race this year. So much can happen, esp when you push your body as hard as he did, or as I was going to do, they were different ways of creating physical stress, but sleepless constant pedaling isn't something everyone can do. Going insanely fast much the same.

Rab, died in his sleep, a few days after winning the Scottish title. He hit a super high note, went to sleep, never woke up again.

Evan went into that last turn, and nothing else after that.

Remember that quote from last year? 

Yeah the one that caused such extreme visceral panic and anxiety and just would wreck me every time I saw it, and esp that first time reading it on the morning of my birthday.

this one:

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”

― Henry David Thoreau

I don't have the same reaction, perhaps the passing of a year, this last lap around the sun has transformed me a little, or dulled the edge of the blade the words hold. 

Perhaps it is the loss of my Father, falling so close, and living with that hole, and never really (still) fully grieving, or reconciling the loss. 

It is an unknown perplexity that I'm not quite exploring, the why it has changed. Mostly because it is a relief to not have three sentences ready to unravel you totally, at will.

Of course it didn't help to start the day off listening to this playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kUtBAELFkPvgZ9hO_0ZQ5FlPZzwZl_xVg 

And that my office smells like coffee, mineral spirits, Finish line wet lube (cross country lube as it used to be called) and generic lemon scented pledge.  Yeah it is smackdown and the ride home last night was not in the rain but it was wet. And no i didn't have time last night or this morning to do all that. And of course it reminds me of a person who commented that they loved the smell of the mineral spirits in my office. 

Rab did launch himself. Wahoo did a great job of documenting it and for that I'm grateful. 

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
G

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

can't imagine

 Or more of a direct (translated) quote:

"It'd be very hard for me to imagine life without biking."


Same here.

Friday, August 19, 2022

Here's a photo


 took it yesterday because the sun was doing something remarkably cool


Prep report

 24HOGG prep report.


So I went through the saga of the bike beforehand, right? The whole bottom bracket creaking thing. Using some green Vibra-tite retaining compound? Facing the BB shell, pressing it in. Having it be silent for a ride then start creaking like crazy? And then ultimately pulling the sliding drop outs off too many times (after a broken nut and then realizing the driveside drop out - broken nut side had worn and could move so I replaced it with a spare) I dripped some 70% ETOH down along the cups and the bike was quiet - making only some tiny expected creaks under the most load. 

Wasn't silent but was quieter than most bikes in the race. And I have no idea what it was that was creaking. The Dropouts do make creaking sounds like a BB but so does the BB and well who knows.

More importantly it is fixed so who cares.

Parts? I had everything. An extra rigid post, the spare saddle already on the 170mm dropper in case I needed to swap droppers, and a third saddle. I gathered all my extra brake pads, Oh and yeah I changed the rear pads because they wouldn't stop insane chatter, and I think maybe it might actually be the rotor being too thin, BUT not sure, anyway I did have a few extra pair (CX bike with the TRP spyres use the same shimano shape pads). 

No extra thru axel because Thom Parsons still has mine, but the spare for the Crockett is long enough to engage enough threads to work in an emergency, so I packed that. And cables, and housing, and put a few 180mm rotors on layaway and took them up, spare locknuts for the sliding dropouts, tires, tubes, extra sealant, lube, cleaner, grease, might have skipped the extra grips but I did bring the wheels (rotors, cassette and all) off the Top Fuel (good because that had the only functioning wheel sensor and that was key). 

All the Topeak stands and pumps (shock and floor and hand). Couple CO2s to pack on the bike with the dyna plug kit that all sat in the Topeak FASTFUEL DRYBAG X along with the pass through battery for the lights and Wahoo. I did try the burrito bag for that stuff but it was extra and had the space in the Fastfuel bag and no need to bounce something off the back of the saddle for all those miles.

The cushcore came in and I put it in and was so glad becuase I smashed the rear wheel on a rock three laps in a row in the dark. Hard enough that if the cush core hadn't been there shit would have been bad - busted rim maybe hard.

Gearing? 34x20 with 29x2.6 tires on Line Pro 40 rims (41mm internal width) Cushcore Plus Pro in the rear, Bontrager XR2 tires, FinishLine Fibertech sealant in there.

Yaris fork with 140mm upgrade, 180mm XT cranks, 130mm dropper post, 780 mm Raceface bars, Shimano MT500 series brakes, Wheels BB, XL Trek Stache (2019) in Matte Cobra blood. Odi Rouge lock on grips. Wahoo Elemnt with a fancy K-edge mount. Shimano 540 pedals and Shimano XC-7 shoes in 48 wide. NBX Castelli jersey (3XL) and XL NBX team bibs. Defeat wool socks.

EZ-up from my dad, the one he brought up and gave me for the 2008 24HOGG edition. We drove up together in my Golf packed to the gills that year. And it rained and I killed a few rims and all the brake pads, and a rear derailleur starting the last lap and almost didn't make the time cut and haven't ridden that bike since (the Mantra). Oh and last year I was missing a few stakes and the EZ-up started to fly away, I found my stakes, then borrowed a bunch more of the tie-downs and light stakes and more stakes. So in the end the thing had two sides up and a dozen anchor points and didn't go anywhere. Tent, a Kelty my dad gave me after college to replace a tent he gave me that was supposed to be big enough for me but wasn't. An Ikea crappy cot to sleep on, metal folding one, good for a shorter lighter back sleeper, not good for a 230# 6'5" side sleeper. But it was better than sleeping on a thermarest. NBX table, a couple chairs (that weren't comfortable to sit in) and shit what else? A cooler, I brought everything in plastic bins because the weather was forecasting scattered thunderstorms all day everyday. (we only had a few very very few light and patchy showers over the whole weekend - until just before awards started, it POURED for 5 minutes then, and stopped).

Did a pre-ride lap after the pit was set up, that is when I found the wheel sensor not working and swapped for the other one. Also tried to ride the pre-ride lap easily. That was harder than I had hoped, The gearing was just too tall. 

Last year the bike was set up with a 34-22 and 29x2.4 tires. That's roughly 44 gear inches. This year? it is roughly 50 gear inches. Way harder. And a bad idea. didn't take more than a couple laps to kill all the hard torque in the legs. BUT i managed to ride everything but the steepest stuff all the time. I put a wheel wrong a few times on one particular turn a few times, I did stop and walk and eat a few climbing sections, mostly just so I could eat, but also keep moving. Figured walking the course and eating is better than stopping and eating and then walking less. Not sure how that figures but if I had an easier gear I might have been eating less on the course? Dunno. But for sure I think going to an easier gear is a better idea. That or I need to lose even more weight and get stronger. That's by far the better option. 

Okay then we get to FOOD.

Like I mentioned, last year I think I mostly captured the prep on IG stories. So no real clue.

But I made a similar pasta 'soup.' I bought fancy pasta, that was a bad move. The shape was perfect but the fancy pasta was rougher cut and higher quality - i think the cheap elbows I used last year were better. And I opted to NOT add the olives this time and only made 4 quarts instead of 6 quarts. Spicy Sausage, mushrooms, white beans, tomato paste, chicken stock, pasta, and then once cold I threw in some zucchini. 

I had gotten a bit worried - wanted to bring some of those Trader Joe's Super Sour Scandinavian Swimmers and they were out of stock until the last minute. Packed three or four bags of those and one bag of regulars. Packed the mini-stroopwaffles, some TJ's fig bars too. A few cliff block sleeves and that plus the rice cakes were it food wise.

The Rice cakes were my take on a carbonara. 3 cups of dry Jasmin rice. Unrinsed to leave extra starch in there to help with binding. 8 slices of North Country Smokehouse applewood smoked uncured bacon, 8 ounces of sauteed mushrooms, 6 eggs scambled, parmesean cheese, and peas, a splash or two of soy sauce and some cayenne pepper. Yup. Put it all in a big bowl, mixed and mixed and mixed. Then packed it tightly into a glass enchilada pan - you know the big rectangle pyrex things). Covered that with more parm, then cut it into squares and wrapped in foil. They were actually REALLY good. All weekend good. SO good. 

AND then the sandwiches. 1/2 pound of uncured sliced smoked turkey (~8 slices) 1/2 pound of virginia ham (uncured) (~9 slices) and 1/2 pound of sharp cheddar (sliced). Mayo, yellow mustard and one loaf of sprouted whole wheat bread. 

DO NOT GET THAT BREAD AGAIN, it was good but hard to chew. I made 8 sandwiches (one loaf of bread) with all that. Made the sandwiches Saturday morning. Put them in a aluminum serving tray in the cooler. Mayo on one side, mustard on the other, turkey slice on mayo side, ham on mustard, slice and a half of cheese in the middle. The extra ham and cheese I made into a rollup. Ate all but two sandwiches during the race, the last two I ate that night after the race. Actually maybe there was one sandwich left for Monday's breakfast, I'm a bit fuzzy on that but it was the right number.

The pasta soup thing was Friday food. Lunch and dinner and then a little of it on Sunday night. 

Liquids? I make 4 pots of coffee, iced it down and put it in a gallon jug and a Nalgene. I brought two quarts of Keifer. One was Saturday morning calories and the other was post race calories. A bunch of Hi-Ball enegry seltzers. I drank one Saturday morning to conserve coffee and that was a mistake, too much all at once. 

Oh and I packed nearly a quart of muesli with milk and peanut butter, and tried to eat it all Saturday. Almost got through it. I ate a TON of calories saturday morning so much so that I was not hungry for a while but still managed to eat rice cakes and not actually feel hungry until Sunday.

Lesli brought a ton of stuff and one of the things she brought (like last year) were the tubs of Gatorade Endurance powder. I went through almost two tubs last year and since I was planning on doing this semi-self supported I had an idea to just mix it up in those 2.5 gallon water dispenser things you get at the store. I cut a hole in the top big enough to pour the powder in and it made a mess but worked out surprisingly well. A little strong of a mix, but that was okay I just added a little bit of water as I went but being able to mix or pick either lemon-lime or Orange each lap was important.

Always rode with two bottles. For most of Saturday I did one bottle of Gatorade and one bottle of coffee. Drank a little water at each stop as well, mostly to go with the Pickle juice. I did eat at least one pickle per lap. Grillo's of course. And drank a sip of the brine or two each lap as well. Rinse with water and good. Brought two quarts of pickles with me, one was completely gone by the end of the race.

It was hot but I never stopped sweating and only had one very subtle almost cramp, no real cramp at all anywhere, stopped to pee a handful of times, never too dark or too light, always in the right density zone. Kidneys always felt good, the rest too. I did take a few Mag Glycinate and Vit C through the course of the race. Not too many times but just enough to add to the mix.

Once I started in on the Super Sour swimmers I'd risk getting that sugar stomach, but eating three bites of a sandwich erased it completely. Too much gatorade? A few bites of the sandwich and everything was in balance. 

At one point I started carrying water because it was getting so hot on the backside away from the head dunk station, wasn't the best move but it helped. Would pour water on my head and then hot water would drain off. It was HOT out there. Like it never cooled off at night. Obviously it did but not much and the humidity went up so it never really 'felt' cooler. 

I didn't take shoes off once, or change bibs, or jerseys. last year I took shoes off almost every lap and iced my feet they were in pain. Changed clothes too. 

That took time. I just turned laps. 

Lots of laps, but not super fast because I had to walk so much of the hills, both from gearing choice and elevation and the choice of not going so hard that I'd crack.

Turning laps not taking naps.

Got to wondering if everyone that was complaining about stomach issues really just was tired. Having stomach issues saves more face than saying you were tired? Maybe?

Joel's bike was probably 10 pounds lighter than mine. Having a lighter bike also would help. As would being stronger and lighter. He finished his 17 laps 2 hours before I finished my 17 laps. He pulled the plug and then watched my laps, If I had chugged a Red-bull and left right away and found an extra pile of KJs I might have been able to hit 18 laps by the cut off time, but it also mean that all Joel had to do was turn one lap in the same amount of time and he could have easily done that. 

Finishing second wasn't so bad. It certainly was a big accomplishment, due in huge part to planning. And it was also pretty awesome that I was able to do it nearly self supported. Had lots of borrowed help and some equipment and Lesli and others were around if I needed something. So it was not truly a solo experience but it was close.

There's quite a bit more to the story, will get to that next. For now, this will have to do. Currently thinking about the Freetown 50 in the SS category. Just because.

heddwch

G

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Watch this in the meantime

 


Take a few minutes. 

Worth it.

Thursday, August 11, 2022

write up?

 soon, still recovering.

I did throw the 1st lap GoPro up on the youtubes

a full lap at normal speed with bonus post race footage

and then one already at 2x speed so you can then crank it up in playback on YT and go at least 4x speed to watch the lap really quickly.

Of course the gopro doesn't show elevation very well, makes it all look pretty flat. 

Working on the full write up draft in my head. Will get to it soon.

Here are the videos just so you have some content for now:

And yeah I finished 2nd


and the 2x playback:


heddwch
G

Wednesday, August 03, 2022

creaky creaky

 24 hours of creaking

That's about the whole of it. 

Don't have the tools to take the BB out myself, although maybe I just need some heat, possible, can't be any more creaky.

Was a good move not doing the ride last night. But very much trying to balance the idea of taking the jetta, it makes the house's plans more complicated if I do. leave the jetta and two drivers there have options, take the golf and only one.

Brain is trying to work through it all, over and over, what do I need, what do I have and meanwhile

creak

creak

creak

Changed the brake pads here today, took a fair bit to get the pistons re-compressed, but they are in and they were recently cleaned, will be better to have full size pads in there - if I have to swap i can put these half used ones in on the fly. 

I think i have to heat the damn BB up, need to get it over 350°F well at least the cups, shouldn't be hot enough to do much to anything but just enough to soften whatever the vibra-tight shit is holding on too but not making it quiet. Should have stuck with what worked last time, but I didn't. 

Made the mistake of starting the other book already, just plowing through at 1.75x speed.

of course it could still be the rear dropout... I doubt it but it is possible. When it broke it was bouncy enough and loose enough for long enough to have damaged both the frame and the sliding dropout. It didn't use to move in the frame. 

And yeah i still have to go shopping. At least all my lights have pass through charging, which will be a problem if it is raining but it looks like it might just be the normal daytime storms rolling through. hopefully, or at least hopefully I'll have enough to blast through the rain and charge when it moves through. 
https://www.mountwashington.org/experience-the-weather/regional-weather/mount-washington-valley.aspx

Not long range enough but the other forecasts show disturbances Friday and Early Saturday tapering off overnight. Might be pretty damn interesting for everyone. 

At least I found a selfish fender. 

I wonder how these XR2s will fair on the soil up there. For most of it I think it will be pretty damn good.

the swampy bits I'm worried about and the wood. Esp the bridge. 

it is definitely a different feeling this year. 

Creak

creak

creak

could be a long loud ride.

heddwch
G

Sunday, July 31, 2022

useless pain in the ass

 This whole damn web log. 

I thought "lemme look back and see how much turkey and ham and cheese i brought"

half pound each? full pound each? THE FUCK nothing. No mention (that I could find) reading through) 

guess i'll wing it with the amounts. 

was reminded of the leg cramping at night, gonna try and avoid that shit this time, somehow. Not sure how but we'll see. Maybe need to take it way easier on the pre-ride laps, aka don't try and ride everything just because, treat the effort like a race effort, if I gotta work to hard to pedal, fucking walk. Or something.

lights, still an issue, I purchased one but didn't get that outbound hangover but hopefully DR will still let me use it and that'll be probably good. Figure keep it off mostly, then bring chargy plug and external battery, rely on front lights mostly maybe since there are two and can be swapped and charged. That is assuming the bike doesn't explode.

BB is creaking today. Started off quiet then got louder and louder. Couldn't get the cups out at home some maybe it was just the spindle. Tried but failed, worked on the brake a little. Maybe I'll throw some pads in if it isn't better tomorrow. And the seat post slipped while riding. If that collar goes it could be a big problem. Don't have a spare one of those.

Maybe need to clean and load it with friction paste.

Sigh. At least the tires were good, probably can go lower on the pressure, Bike felt great, if loud, I felt pretty good, got done with our ride and felt fresh enough to go out again.

of course two shopping trips and working on the bike outside for a while and I'm more like i need to lie down. Post shower I did and it was great. 

Looking back what I did write down was how stressfull the weeks leading up to the race were. 

here's to holding it all together.

Have I beat the shit out of this bike? Doesn't seem to be but isn't perfect. We'll see I guess.

If it is loud and creaky and holds togehter? that'll be enough 

finished another book, started another reacher book, different, a little confusing in a way but fast paced and entertaining. if addictive. kind of just want to get through it all. 

but sleep and patience.

heddwch

G

Tuesday, July 26, 2022

there is a lot in here

 


There's a lot in this short film. 

Monday, July 25, 2022

rest days?

 Working all day on your feet isn't very restful but it is a different tired than riding for a couple hours, either on the road or in the woods.

But today? Sunday? Pulled the plug on dirt church, on everything. Got up at 4:30 to get the kid and E out the door and headed to boston for the regatta in the heat, went back to bed. And actually slept. Slept until after 9am!!!

Made coffee, and generally didn't do much. Got a few more episodes of Shoresy in, more coffee. Then headed to do the grocery shopping with the oldest. came home, at some food, and finished watching the first season. Damn is the show good.

Not sure what else. But I had planned on working on the bikes, putting in the rivnut, swapping the 3" tires for the 2.6" tires getting the spare chains sorted, maybe even swapping the dropper back to the short one (for less creaking). I fear though that some of the noise is from the bottom bracket. Bearings feel good and the spindle is re-greased but the BB itself might need to be taken back out. That's towards the bottom of the list. Ordered a 29+ cush core for the rear, it might not get here, it should be okay up there but is a nice re-assurance if the air drops or just for the general handling and lower pressure possible with it. Not for the front though. 

Half kind of thinking of trying to do the tire swap tomorrow morning and commute once again on the Stache. It isn't fast (as far from it in fact) but contact points yo. 

But even taking today pretty much totally off? I'm still tired. Have to get a handle on that I think. Seems to be important. 

Feeling more of a steely calm about the up coming race. I think last year I was pretty jacked/nervous/freaked...  realizing maybe i like the planning more than the racing or just full of doubts. Dunno, this feels just more deliberate, there's lots to do still, but more knowns, i know i can't just eat sandwiches, and some of the food I brought last year i didn't touch... like those fig newtons, just never felt the urge to eat them. A handful of other stuff too.

paused at this point last night, 

Friday, July 22, 2022

cab over peterbuilt

 more evocative i suppose, doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well.

I've ground myself down this week. With surprising ease. MTB on Sunday, commute MWF, W&F on the Stache. Tuesday worked on the stache all day then joined the smackdown on the Klein. 

Listened to a reacher book after Lab Girl and Scalzi's Kaiju book, listened to if fast, finished listening to it over 2x speed just to get through the end.

For a chance of pace I tried out a book that I'm not sure I can explain why I decided to read it, something must  have pushed it my way. 

And holyshit it is so good, on many levels, endurance sport, getting old...  all that...

Friday, July 15, 2022

Cab over Kenworth

 HUH? 

yeah that's the best way to describe me showing up at the TT compared to everyone, literally, everyone else there. It just does not get less aero of an over the road truck than that. Cue me. Same. Of all the 'road' bikes I have that one is the least. The crockett isn't much better but it is a little. Klein has a really high BB and I sit up in the air a bit more and in a move of idiocy I put some 46s on that bike. Maybe i'll get one of them fancy bikes...  maybe.

Of all the other rides there, Kipp was second place with his '04 C'dale but even that is WAY more aero (his wheels too) (and he's got a lower drag) although he did have a bit of heat stress and sat in the back of an ambulance for a while after.

So yeah as expected I faired pretty poorly. Couldn't get going very fast on the first section, kept getting slower until it turned up then stopped getting slower and kept pace pretty well up Reynolds with everyone that passed me but that's a little too late to recover from the first downhill aero demanding section.

And well as good of a night as it was, as nice as it was to ride out there and back with Graham, and to hang out with Marcus and Betty and to see Cronoman and Solobreak in the flesh. I'm in a shit mood, slept like crap, it has been a long week, I'm tired, and just, yeah I dunno. call it a funk or something.

Stache is still broken, I need to put a volume spacer in the top fuel shock, probably should take the pivots apart and re-locktite everything, 

And then there's everything else. literally, everything it seems. And yeah, one thing at a time, get through it and pretty soon in a couple weeks i'll be racing for 24hrs. Assuming i can find a few extra sliding dropout locknuts (proprietary of course, only avail from Trek).

And my dumb ass thought I could get away w/o eating breakfast and extending my fast till lunch. Feeling like a really fucking bad idea right now.

So yeah - I commented on Solobreak's strava that i wasn't going to write. And yeah, I probably shouldn't.

Go check the Nanoscape twitter and IG feed, there's cool shit I've been doing posted there. 

i'm going to make some coffee and hope that helps.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers

G

Monday, July 11, 2022

Finished it finally

 That big old monster book.

And, it was worth getting through the struggling parts. It did come together quite beautifully. Left me with more of a feeling of peace than just about any other series I've read in a long time. And that's hard to say.

Went to fire up the Scalzi book that came in off the hold only to discover it is an eBook not an audio book. Guess I'll have to figure that out. 

Yesterday? Well yesterday is worth writing about but maybe Yesterday started off on Saturday.

Thursday, July 07, 2022

A seriously beautiful place on the earth



Really solid DJ set too. And no- not sure if there are adds because i'm watching with them hidden... 

But there are adds on B Kerr's youtube stuff. the Morgins Epic was amazing, like just insanely cool. so many trails, so many different lifts all pretty much all by bike.

Wednesday, July 06, 2022

it is even worse than I thought

 My weight creep that is. Oof, Russ posted a trendline after eating a whole pizza last night and i decided to get on the scale for the first time in a very very very long time to see where i'm at.

Well...

Saturday, July 02, 2022

it is saturday night

 There was food made, the disparity between what the house is eating is pretty solid. At least I span the middle and wil make either and eat. Last night I made a batch of mac and cheese, tonight, coconut red curry with tofu and garbanzo beans over jasmine rice.

Made a bit too much perhaps, but i drained two bricks of tofu and well two cans of garbanzos and two cans of coconut milk seemed to be about the right ratio.

Guess I have lunches for a while.

Couldn't find anything to watch, there's another lack of overlap, my tastes and tolerance for films does not extend to period dramas and well, whatever isn't tense Sci-Fi or action. And since I was tired AF the dogs and I went up to bedroom early, turned the fan on louder to drown out the fireworks.

And I checked the you tubes...

And found this, and liked it enough to open this up on the tablet and pound out a few words to go with it.

it is below the fold

Friday, July 01, 2022

SMACKDOWN ride report

 I showed up. Worked my butt off. We did the long route with all the weird left hand turns. I got gapped on Carpenter, wasn't too far off after pine (def dropped tho) as expected, caught back up just in time to get pummeled on Hillside. The extra miles made me suffer a bit more. 

Rolled in and back. 

Was good. 

felt oddly okay. still not fast but also pretty okay as long as we weren't going up hill and well, what do you expect for someone as heavy as I am now.

No, i don't know. Haven't been on a scale in a long time. Fuck that, doesn't matter. Riding when I can, eating food, trying not to eat too much and trying to make sure I'm well fueled for the riding.

That's the ride report. We had well over 30 people show up, might have been over 40.

Oh and the A and B groups split after 152. I managed to make it up front at the light with Justice. We took off, got a monster gap. He sat up, I went for the state line sprint and won (uncontested) but hey a sprint win is a sprint win.

Right?

I had blocked off yesterday on my calendar. Hoping to find someone to ride all day with, someone who could push me or at least match the effort, but this lead to that and well, all I managed to do was take an extra 14 or so miles to ride in. 

With that 24hr race coming up I need a couple really long rides coming up. Need to do better at actually following through with the all day thing. 

June was better than April or May so at least there's that.

The knee? It really kind of sucks what I have to give up but I'm really really enjoying the return to pain free movement. I can actually kneel down and get out of a sitting on my heels squat without pushing up with my arms to take the load off the right knee.  I think the change in shoes (to the next size and a wide last) is also helping quite a bit.

It isn't perfect but it is definitely feeling much much better. But these new shoes have a pretty flexi sole and that's not helping, first time I can say "oh yeah so this is why people complain about small pedals on long rides" soft.

Oh he the TdF started today I guess.

No, I'm not gonna watch it. or follow it, except passively through unavoidable sharing of people's reactions on social media. Oh and I did a velogames thing, the G+ crew started it up for Giro so fuck it - why not. Picked names I recognized, I hope they all started, maybe half the squad is sidelined for covid.

Dunno.

Life goes on and I don't feel much like writing lately. Sorry.

Had some deep thoughts, put it on a poem but not sharing that shit.

I should really get a passport so i can leave this country if i have a chance/oportunity... 

Anyone wanna drag my ass around all day on the bike? Boston maybe?

Better eat lunch before it is time for the next appointment. 

And yeah, shit, I need to take some time off...  damnit.

heddwch
G

Friday, June 24, 2022

you could see it coming

 And there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Politics. I guess it is nice to be an old white dude. None of this impacts me at all, but it impacts so many people I care about and love and it just is fucking wrong and what? What? Vote? Sure lets vote. What has that accomplished? This. Here we are. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

This Machine Kills Facists

 Y'all can probably picture where that title comes from and what it was written on...

here's the thing - I didn't know how much of a Guthrie influence there was on the DKMs, like shipping up to boston? yeah...  kind of crazy. Fuck yeah Woodie

This album sounds really really fucking awesome:



And time flashes buy

 A blink and a year now it feels like.

Remember when the summer lasted forever, and for me, the years at college felt like a lifetime.

And then poof we're gone.

Dennis Cahill shuffled off this mortal coil a few days ago. I heard about it yesterday when Colm wrote this over on facebook yesterday:

Dennis Cahill could put more music into fewer notes than anyone else I've ever heard. So many times I've just sat and watched and listened while he would hang on a simple sparse fifth for a whole part, or a whole round of a tune, and then pick *exactly* the right moment to add a third or a seventh or a suspension and it suddenly felt as if that harmony had been there all along, lurking like a ghost, and when it came to it grabbed you by the soul. Shaking you. Incredible mastery of guitar, great mandolin player too, and as an accompanist he always brought out the best in people. Very sad that we won't get to hear more, but glad to have learned a bit from him!

I've worn out my Martin Hayes and Dennis Cahill CDs, played them so much that the tunes are hardwired. I'm a violin person but if I could play guitar I would love to play it like Dennis. 

So what does one do with that sort of news? Listen non-stop to them playing. A few of the sets with Martin and then down the Gloaming content on youtube. 

Listening to this one (I think it was this one) and it feels like the best description is celtic jazz, if that makes sense. Absolutely fucking brilliant masters, using a minimum of notes but sometimes all the notes but all separate but insanely and mindblowingly perfectly together.


You can find lots of the Gloaming out there. 

There's not much of Dennis alone, but there is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhfm8OHU75k you should check it out, if you want.

Would write more but will leave it at this for now. 
heddwch
G