too far away

Words in the lyrics as I opened the tab to start writing...

The resolution of this situation seems so far away.

I'll be honest, I am realizing I feel more calm and at peace than I have in a long time.
A sense of knowing something so large and unimaginably traumatic is happening out there in the world, different countries are responding with measures culturally and politically in line with their identity.



This country? Spray tan grifter and his corrupt faux neus cohorts are absolutely making it worse, no question, or making it happen as expected. The mentality that picked him over anyone else is a lot of fuck you even if it fucks them worse. They'll be happy to suffer as long as they know people they hate are suffering too. That element of hate and bias and lack of empathy and consideration.

The feeling of needing to get one's shit in order, far more present now than ever. If it isn't something you're thinking about, you should be, but probably are, or have.

The benefits of being already socially distant and physically isolated from friends is nothing really changes with this new situation. Not really having friends by most definitions, aka people you see and hang out with regularly, makes this all normal. Yes I have friends, I am very thankful for all the connections I have, an email or a text away. That is good. I'm very grateful for the group that lets me tag along on the MTB rides, that are patient enough to wait for me, good social distance practice. Already operating on a remote plane of existence doesn't change anything for me. We don't go out to drink (duh) we don't go out to eat (why eat something I can make better). No hangouts or dinner parties. House just feels small with everyone here.

I go for a bike ride, work with microscopes myself and with others but not many others, and come home cook food, read, sleep drink coffee.

Nothing new in these revelations but there's an odd comfort in understanding that I'm not going to have to do much to change to make it through this. If I make it through it, I hope you make it through it, I hope we all do. Too many unknowns yet.

Definitely very much sitting stuck knowing the tsunami/hurricane/tornado is heading right towards you, but there's no way of knowing when the worst will happen, or the extent of local damage.

Distracting memes, social internet games, like this photo and i'll like one of yours and tell you do do the same and start the chain. X# on your photoroll reply with an emojii and I'll look through your photos and post one with an emojii, lots of that. make work, help with panic of the new situation.

It sounds a bit selfish to say, this is nothing new and I'm operating normally. Hang with dogs at home, writing shit, read shit, ride bikes, cook food, drink coffee.

Will run out of filters before running out of coffee at the moment, gonna have to add #4 cones to the next emergency restock. Probably run out of those before TP. Hopefully stores have TP again when we run out.

One observation from an uncomfortably crowded bike path over the last few days: groups of people look more a like than ever. Families are going out together. Perhaps the other small dissimilar groups are roommates?

Had to unfollow a few people lately on the medias, mostly people who do the whole posting "why is this a problem, only x# have died look at this statistic" but there's one that posted a vegan propaganda untruth : if we all were vegan this never would have happened. There's many holes in this, biggest one is that the virus suddenly was only a problem because someone ate some strange animal in china. Yeah no. That's not how this shit works and posting stuff like that just pisses off sympathizers to your assumed ethics of eating. Assumed because, well, nature works in a food chain, everything is interconnected. Too much immersion in the native philosophy perhaps, the grace and thanks to the spirit that provides you sustenance.

Ah but this isn't the time to go through that more.

Life is going to get really tough for people, lots of people, maybe leaders with ethics will emerge, maybe this is the push needed to go to mail-in paper ballots.

Was funny, looking for something I opened google maps and had traffic still turned on. green. Everywhere. I  zoomed out. Green. NYC, Boston, Seattle, Chicago, LA. GREEN ALL GREEN.

No fucking traffic.

I'm not optimistic that it is a permanent change, but even if it results in a small shift, that's good.

Life goes on, with or without us.

Make the best impact you can, even if it isn't one. Tie up your loose ends. Be ready for a new start when this all ends.

It will end. One month? two months? 18 months? 2 years?
It is encouraging to see others talk about the issues with the privatization and commercialization of healthcare research, drug production...  BioTech has grown like the rest of the venture areas, leveraging the exploitation of people, insurance companies money laundering hard earned wages to pay massively inflated corporate salaries.

Okay - i should stop sounding so negative - although in my head this is a pretty neutral discussion, not negative or positive, just the way it is. Somehow brain is keeping it there even though pushing to the negative is the normal take.

I guess we could move to the french press or back to the moka pot or electric moka pot or kid's espresso machine if we run out of filters for the Mokamaster (brought it home from the bike shop - will bring it back if i go back, i hope to go back - that transition and flux has been postponed for a couple weeks - more limbo time).

Chip had a happy hour challenge, three questions that I really liked. But twitter and happy hour - need more than that character point to answer, and not drinking.

I keep thinking that perhaps we all need to not do it? The not drinking. But most people are not like me, they can enjoy a beer, be fine not having one for days or weeks and have another. And realize it is a personal thing. I can share my journey to support or inspire or help others, but I'm not here to convince you to join me. That's a bridge too far.

Carry on, love those close to you. Love those far away. Love the ones you were in love with but left you alone. I forget what culture has many many different words for all the types of love. I should look it up and remind myself. Or just carry on. Life is just that, we carry on. Each in our own way.

This is mine.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers
heddwch
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