music defines times

 that big S streaming service that underpays artists but has an unrivaled catalog is doing the 2021 wrapped already...

Fuck December right? no one wants to know what you listen to this month... or something.

But it was a big year for music, a few huge bands dropped new music and a lot of it was insanely good. If you combine my listening of the new Mighty Mighty Bosstones album between Youtube, YoutubeMusic and spotify...  well that's a fuck shit ton of on repeat of that album.

Remember when i found those two 10mm sockets? Yeah, I was listening to that album on repeat.

I mean when WASN'T I listening to it? Probably 24HOGG because i didn't listen to anything there.

This morning I fucked around on the S trying to figure a few things out - I don't use the mobile app just the desktop one and it is different. but also annoying because if you have the mobile on and the desktop it gets all fucked up and confused and yeah maybe only cause i have a free account.

Anyway... I looked for a few artists I wanted to listen to on Bandcamp, they weren't there so I just cued up C89.5 and boom it was New Wave with DJ Trent Von. And I got working and then went to get up to head down the hall for something and a remix of the Eurythmics Sweet Dreams came on and well...  I sure as hell wasn't going anywhere till that song was done.

that song reminds me of Maryland in the summer. Spending a month at my Dad's house. We listened to the radio a bit and the summer of 1983 no one could get enough of that song. it was played all the time and no one got tired of it. Well I'm sure someone did but I didn't. 

So now long after the day is pulled me thin and worn me out... I'm cuing up remix after remix.

And yeah. The OG from 83 sounds like a remix no? Hard to top that but some give it enough of a modern twist to make the song fresh or just a tiny bit better/different.

So far I like this one

But then, I haven't really found one I don't like. But there are too many to listen to and too much work to do.

Was here way too late getting shit sorted on the system upgrade. And then, well, meant I was home late and needed to make dinner, got that done at nearly 8pm... still hadn't done the workout... an hour, only an hour, but there was some hard z4 and z5 work and i knew that if i ate first it would be bad, but if I ate after that means eating cold food after 9pm and then trying to turn around and get some sleep... that has never worked out. The night before I got home a bit early, did the workout and then made dinner and it was good.

That whole athlete lifestyle is fucking elusive and 100% incompatible with my life. I guess maybe if someone else was making dinner every night or even some of the nights it could work to be more like that...

I'm also in a kind of funk... odd that the cloud has drifted back after so long. but not unexpected. Maybe getting out of here early and getting a workout in tonight will make a difference.

Probably not but worth a shot.

or not...

Fuck

Oh well, time to pull up the socks and head out the door. Had a nice headwind this morning, the tall gear on the SS Surly is perfect for tailwind days, not so much for headwinds. We'll see what is really out there (conflicting weather reports - could just be swirling winds or some other bullshit). If i leave right the fuck now i might beat the rain. But guessing that by the time I'm ready it'll be raining.

That's why there are fenders on the bike.

FUCK - replied to work email and the big green blob moved overhead between writing the last sentence, sending the email and returning here.

Amor Fati Motherfucker - at least maybe the bike path will be empty.

heddwch
G

commute meditation musings

 The commute. 

I should have maybe put in the ear buds and listened to a book, or music, to quiet the voices in my head.

But I didn't.

And the other part in that outside story:

it can be tough to date when you are trying to stay sober. “I mean, you can date other recovering ­alcoholics, but then you have two broken people,” he told me. He tried dating anyway, thinking he was solid enough in his sobriety that he could have water while whoever ­he was with sipped wine.

That didn't click until I was riding in, thinking about family, my dad...

and the realization that I've had more or less a lifetime of an example of how to be sober around people who were drinking.

My Dad was that example.

He lost his family, he was really close to losing his job, and probably his life, from all the alcohol. He was never sober. Columbia Beer and Old Crow. The cheapest of the cheap.

But later, at dinners with the in-laws or others and later while we were all drinking (my brothers), he was always cool and polite and comfortable while those around him consumed. Even taking pleasure in buying us beer when we visited. He always still knew where the best prices were and when to go. 

And so this morning the ride in, that realization... my Dad had given me all the fucking tools I needed to survive as a sober person in a world that drinks and celebrates alcohol was too much.

And I'm back to blinking back tears.

reminding me of:

This story that got to me on monday. Not sure if it is paywalled or not, i was able to read it. in the most public setting and fortunately no one was around that I had to talk to or could witness my grief and sorrow after reading it.

Notice the common theme... the bike...

Since forever, I might suck as a racer, we've been over reasons why, mechanic brain, over developed sense of self preservation, too much other stress, not living like an athlete, genetic limitations, really shitty timing, injuries (rare but significant, knee in 2013, back 2021)... nothing but obstacles...

but in the face of all that... I still keep coming back to it.. and I'm grateful it is there for me

Amor Fati Motherfuckers
G

a long sobering read

 It is behind the Outside+ paywall but, well Resultsboy's marketing scheme got me to sign up for the full + membership so I can read it, but to honor the author I won't reproduce it. It is long.

It is about alcoholism, and bikes, and there's some tough stuff to read in there, but it is a good read and a story worthy of the time spent. 

https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/essays-culture/alcohol-addiction-bike-ride-brother/

the other vids

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrbxjN588uk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QYTp6Ibo6o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SME8pSdeAwg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMZ-Qub3n24

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CEQI5SAeaE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWsU0knLbNc

(guess i never hit publish on these - oops)

The best FTK video made yet

 pretty simply that.

so much, about fire and the landscape, about the process, about riding, about working on the trails, about being there..

about so much...

One of the bigger impacts was realizing just how negative conquering is, as a word, as implication.. as a way to live.

CB's words at the beginning and end are powerful, Micheli O is amazing and impressive...

This hits hard right in the motivation and inspriration box.

It also punches me really hard in the gut. These super impactful MTB films are all from areas my Dad has strong ties to, and in turn I do. But never connected by the mountain bike, always other means and yet, they are some of the most amazing places to ride a bike, the most remote, some of  what seem like they could be the most personally rewarding places to ride...

And I haven't been able to share that with him, never had the chance connect with him both on his terms and my own but together. He knew the local endurance MTB race promoter, knew him well, suggested I come ride my MTB out there, but that was 2013-2014... a mtb was the furthest thing from my mind at that point, I was still massively in debt, still struggling in so many other ways, getting a new bike (other than that $300 surly i'm looking at right now) was not not even a dream.

Yet here I am. Probably forever haunted, but hopefully I can learn from this, somehow.

And yes, I'm still at the remote location. The sun is setting, it still isn't finished, i've managed to be productive but there's still an extra day or two of work that should have all gotten done today that has to melt into other days.

But such is life, what to do about it?

I might dump the other vids in a separate post as just links if you're looking to watch a nice sequence of MTB stuff...

heddwch
G

it is a monday

 nothing's going quite as well as could be hoped, nothing isn't catastrophic tho, just annoyingly taking forever to happen...

so i've been catching up, between emails. 

Only took 4 hours to get through the first round, and the replies are coming in slowly and irregularly while I sit down here at the remote location, in the lobby, w/o lunch, while the field service engineer does the stuff, and while I'm here unable to go anywhere until he's done.

So I watched some more MTB films. They were great. I'll link em all here soon enough, just not right now.

Right now I want to share this:
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/28/opinion/culture/grief-cycling.html?smid=tw-share\

Maybe a bit rough..  still barely processing my Dad's passing. Then was told last week that we won't hear it from my mother (but heard it from my brother) her doctor said with hear heart condition the life expectancy is 3-5 years. And that's just fucking terrifying. 

But what to do, how to keep going? Can't seem to get her to slow down much. She rests then goes and has a monster marathon day and feels exhausted for a few days and we keep saying slow down, you're not recovered yet...  tough that she's all the way over there. But I'm grateful that there isn't more than one Yuletide concert/weekend. It is tough not being there but they are all smaller shows that other people have put on and not the big Tacoma/Seattle/Mt Vernon/Bellevue weekend. So instead of heading out now I'm hoping to fly out for a bit in January. Need to work on keeping a week open though, esp as I'm already scheduling for that month.

Crossresults updated and well I beat the predictor by 5, and I didn't realize how close I was to JB in the end, but I gave all that I could and it was only just enough for what I did. I formally suck at cross. But I still like it. Was thinking on the ride in that maybe I should just take the cx bike, forget bringing the other bikes...  race the single in the age group and the singlespeed race same bike even if the MTB is the better choice and gears in race one would be a better idea.

There's still time to change my mind.

I'm sure I will a few more times.

Its just bikes but, well, you know, bikes...

Amor Fati Motherfuckers
G

Cornmeal pancakes

 Trying something new, but since there are a lot of these recipes out there I want to get it down this morning before I forget. I made something at one point that was amazing and was told to make sure i make it the same way again and it was so simple I was sure not to forget...

and I forgot. of course. second time wasn't the same... close but not the same...

So here it is from: https://cookfasteatwell.com/cornmeal-pancakes-recipe/

Fluffy Cornmeal Pancakes

Fluffy, light, and easy-to-make, Cornmeal Pancakes are a tasty twist on classic pancakes. | One Bowl Recipe. No buttermilk. No need to whip egg whites!

 Prep Time 10 minutes
 Cook Time 20 minutes
 Total Time 30 minutes

 Servings 4 people

Ingredients
1 cup finely ground cornmeal (5 ounces cornmeal; 142 grams)
1 cup all-purpose flour (4 ½ ounces; 127 grams)
3 tablespoons granulated sugar (1 ⅓ ounces 38 grams)
1 tablespoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
2 large eggs (out of shell: about 4 ounces; 113 grams)
1 cup milk (8 ounces; 226 grams)
¼ cup vegetable oil
Nonstick cooking spray or vegetable oil for greasing the griddle

For Serving

Butter
Maple syrup

Instructions

Make the Batter. Whisk cornmeal, flour, granulated sugar, baking powder, and salt together in a medium mixing bowl. Add the eggs, milk, and vegetable oil. Whisk until smooth.\

Heat the Griddle. Lightly oil a nonstick griddle. Heat griddle over medium-high heat. P

Cook the Pancakes. Pour batter, approximately ¼ cup, onto griddle. Batter should sizzle when it hits the pan. Cook for approximately 3 minutes. Flip pancakes when bubbles appear all over the surface of the pancake and begin to pop. The pancake should begin to look almost dry. Flip and cook another 1 to 1 ½ minutes.

Serve. Serve with butter and syrup, if desired.

Keep Pancakes Warm: To keep warm, preheat oven to 200 degrees F. Place cooked pancakes on a parchment-lined baking sheet.

Major substitutions:

Butter instead of oil (melted in pan to cook em in then mixed in at last)
Added vanilla
added flaxmeal

Soaked the cornmeal in the milk overnight.

Doubled the recipe and used 5 med eggs

Also unlike other pancakes I make, I am going to cook them all up instead of save batter for cooking tomorrow. These are pretty fluffy and if put back in fridge I think the baking powder will lose the ability to make em fluffy and then that wouldn't be good.

These are pretty fluffy, and yeah, I put the sugar in. And no, I didn't use whole wheat flour, the whole grain corn felt like enough w/o using whole wheat.

Even threw a label on the post!

It is that day today

 that day, the National day of Mourning, also known as Thanksgiving...

I've done the full massive cook everything myself and make it all perfect and come out just right and the timing and all that for years in a row, I've completely mailed it in, and let others do it all. It is a holiday about food, rarely focused on the actual harvest or the giving of thanks for what has been provided.

A day off

 That was yesterday, got the tires done, what a fucking difference. Wow. Amazing how they got that bad so quickly. But then again, yeah, not really surprised. Whatever, that's an easy one to move forward from.

Car is so quiet right now, amazing. Crazy really. Nice when things have an immediate and noticeable impact.

Got the Top Fuel aka Shifty Squishy bike back together. Letting the locktite on the crownrace set. Didn't want to ride it. Need to order that seat post soon. But ready to go other than that.

Hit the grocery store after, forgot a few things, kept getting distracted by checking out the window that the bike was still on the roof of the car. Yup. Still there. 

Made it home, unloaded and did something else, dunno what, got horizontal for a minute, might have closed my eyes, then got on the trainer and THEN cooked dinner. Shocking change, but then getting home at 3:30 instead of 6pm, well there's a fuckton more time when that happens.

Watched first part of a terrible movie. Got things sorted for silly early morning departure by the other two for another official college visit. Then woke up, made coffee and thought "hey i have those old Rocket Rons, my favorite old tubeless tread/tires, I should put them on the carbon wheels" 

I tried to do that. Yeah, fuck that. My air compressor doesn't have enough volume or flow to make it work. Sadly. Those were really the best tires but man are they a MASSIVE pain to install. I think I usually blew them off the rim installing them now that I remember it. It got to the point where I'd have the wheel in the workstand and not holding it and I'd turn my back on it when inflating it. There's a fine line between getting enough air in there fast enough to seat the bead and making sure the bead is even and won't blow off.

After that messy fail I put the Mamba CX back on the front and dug out the old X-One from BlancoSuave that I bought when I got those Nanos and Riddler. Thought about putting the Nanos on but not for that long. 

Got the X-one seated more easily than the Rocket Ron but only just. Def needed compressed air. The Mamba CX? Floor pump was enough to seat that thing. 

Getting spoiled with the Hutchinson and Bontrager tires. That said the modern shit is all better than the stuff even 5 years ago. 

AND since I am worried about how well it is seated I rode that bike in. Into the wind. The 2:1 gear was a very nice change from the Surly. Esp going into the wind. Rear tire has a tiny lump in it, maybe it'll sort itself out, maybe not. Dunno. But it held air (I packed the Mamba CX that came off with me just in case). Solobreak's point about the commute, and the singlespeed - the lighter gear on this one is nice and def easier on the knees...

but no fenders. I know, i know - time to change the gear on the Surly. Yeah, it is on the list.

Kind of sitting here dismayed but not shocked, the news that is splashing everywhere is just another piece of evidence in the pile. It hurts to be honest. Oh to be unburdened by all this...

Step one - close twitter.

Step two - go do some much needed and critical imaging.

I was going to write about the races yesterday while hanging out at the tire place, but that didn't happen and then Wacko showed up and we talked for a while. Short of it: over-geared is better to go head to head with geared riders but it still sucks, day two on light gear after shredding yourself on the too hard gear is even worse esp when the tires were slipping on the grease on slick from the morning moisture. It was fucking hero dirt an hour after our race. Velcro by the last couple races. Oh well wrong tires AND wrong gear. it kind of sucked.  But I saw lots of people. Chatted with others, met some new folks, introduced others to the orange jumpsuit. it was a good weekend.

But this morning? After starting the whole mess with the tires, I discovered one of the dogs had peed under the table and it had all moved under the plastic storage boxes...  wrecked a few other things but mostly just was getting stinkier and stinkier. That took over an hour to get cleaned up, once I cleaned one section I discovered it had moved over into another under the next set of boxes and on and on and on, and all that and I'm still smelling it. maybe partly also smelling Stans Race sealant... Dunno but I don't like it. 

Also if you want a pocket saw, let me know, i have a few extra, if you're super nice I might even give you one of the arborist ones. Lemme know.

I almost tossed the extra cliff bars that were in the bag i took yesterday into the commuter pack, but i thought, nah, I have enough lunch.

yeah, nope. But then again, can't work on getting rid of these extra kgs if I don't cut calories somewhere. Time to embrace being hungry? Maybe. Not supposed to do that on the day before you race twice.

In a row.

Yeah I am pulling a Griggs, racing Masters and then SSCX. Unlike Derek I'll be doing it on the same SS bike. Makes me want to get a new fancy cx bike, with gears and stuff. AKA not rim brakes and something other than 10speed. Maybe next year. Maybe there will be bikes to buy then.

probably not... so i'll just keep doing dumb stuff... and putting one foot in front of the other.

amor fati motherfuckers
G

comes back to craft

 to skill

to the intersection of passion, talent, opportunity...

timing

life

the words written there over on Stevil's page about Mark S's passing

what is life?

what are experiences?

Shared? private what is ones legacy?

I remember realzing so many fucking years ago...  what you leave behind is you, your imprint, you gain immortality by being carried along in the memories of those you touched, few of us have an impact beyond a generation, almost none of us do, but everyone born, that grows up around others, leaves some sort of imprint, good or bad, it is something.

I was going to leave, I got my shoes on, HRM on, i think i turned the Wahoo on...

and brain just wouldn't stop. Allan via Adam, has pushed the brain into some crazy deep introspective loop...

It isn't warm outside, it is dark, I have a workout to do when I get home and dinner to make in some order or the other

but i'm sitting here thinking

but dissipating now, perhaps this was enough to be able to move forward

it needs to be, it's now later and the words aren't flowing, more or less weaving back and forth not sure where to go or what is going on...

lost? adrift? a waste?

no anchor? maybe that's everything that has always been my problem...  i don't have an anchor, no mooring, yet I haven't moved much since I first raced Eco-cross way back... heading there Saturday... racing twice... not sure what to do, how to go forward...

i want to hit play on all the voicemails i have saved from my dad, to hear his voice again, but everytime I go to look at them...  i stop, i don't hit play...

time to pedal, time to let the wind be the only sound I hear and my knee to mark every pedal stroke

heddwch
G

y'all know

 I'm not much of a podcast person.

But meeting Allan Dias this weekend, chatting with Adam and Allan and hearing about this, and then having an unexpected cancellation...

Well I pushed papers around on my desk and cleaned up and sorted and listened. 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/allan-dias/id1507949184?i=1000471435550

There is a hell of a lot to unpack and absorb in there. getting towards the 1:26 mark kind of resonated more than the rest... the whole bit of performing being like bike racing, to pull it in further that's where I am with teaching now, and trainings. There's this kind of all in time to go lets see what happens, and one hell of a lot of hard work going into to what can seem like an effortless and solid performance.

If you've caught any of my results this year, well my racing has been absolutely anything but that, it has been tortuous, frustrating, mechanically challenged, and life has just not stopped throwing stuff to deal with.

It is time to ride home in the dark.

Maybe i'll have a chance to write some more tomorrow while i'm at the tire place waiting... cars are expensive and unexpectedly so sometimes.

Not even two years old and the fucking tires are trash. Bad roads? maybe. Alignment? maybe... hopefully these new tires do a little better.

Time to torture my knees with a nice singlespeed ride...  i think i really need to pull the geared bike out and make it work again - this constant overgeared is not helping recovery.  go figure

heddwch

G

My mid afternoon brain needs to talk

 to my morning packing lunch brain.

This is getting ridiculous! 

Yeah that's totally enough food. Um no it isn't says the version of me in the 2-5pm timeslot before getting on the bike to ride home super hungry, and then I'm supposed to get on the trainer for an hour? 

This is gonna be interesting.

I should write about the races this weekend and the crazy and the stuff...  the stuff after finding the frozen bottom bracket, and all the rest. 

I should also sign up for the rest of the races.

And the rest.

maybe tomorrow i'll pack more lunch

but probably not

we'll see

also waking up at 5am is overrated

i'd like to sleep in more but the last week, well, the DOGS now also think that 5am is time to wake up and go outside, and well..

sleep, it is over-rated, right?

all done

Dune is finished... That epic saga, the tome and a pinnacle off scifi... I've read it before but well over 30 years ago now. That shitty movie edition clouded my memory of the book, but in the same way it was so different from the book that it almost felt unrelated. 

That weird state of mind after finishing a book. Esp a good one absorbed so obsessively. 

Got home with some daylight. Thought I'd change the gearing on the CX bike. Go to the 20 from the 22...

Of course, the bottom bracket was seized from Fruitlands. Oops. Got that sorted out before it got to dark. Compressed air, liquid wrench, power tools, then finally some grease and a torque wrench.

Crank back and working. For how long? Who knows. Time for new bearings perhaps.

Then moved to the 20...

A major shuffle... 20tb off the Stache, chain not so different, all the way back... Not right enough. Take a link out, wheel all the way forward, chain still too short....  Fuuuuuck

44-20 is a good gear. But impossible combination, I think I need a 19 or an 18... Badly.

But, I have a 17...

44-17. Was the singlespeed gear on the black Blue pit bike when I ran the 46-17 on the white blue... It was a bit easier. I'm guessing I might be doing a hasty shuffling Saturday morning.

But maybe this will work. For all that work I just should have put gears back on. 

We'll see. 

Was up at about 5 this morning. Did laundry while listening to the book, kept busy. Worked at home then made the way in. 

Shooting to be up that early tomorrow as well. 

Might make the weekend more successful, I certainly don't need any more handicaps. There are enough self imposed ones as it is.

Odd being home alone not even turning the TV on... 

I ate far too much dinner, the short workout and the culmination of the book didn't help. And in my fatness my eyes grow heavy swiping tiny words out on my phone. 

Heddwch

G

well shit

 I just signed up for outside+ because colin pointed out there's some serious new discounts at bikereg

$50 for the year, and you get $60 of bikereg discounts/dollars.

serious no brainer to be honest.

Next year? we'll see...

What's today?

 Is it monday? 

strange

seems people make a big deal out of things turning 50...

funny that, here I thought I was all over it and had put it behind me... 

That compilation fucking rocks. Well done. I mean what other rock song has been overplayed that much, what song does everyone know all the lyrics too?

Why?
it is a good song.

And it stuck around.

Made it through the weekend, wading into the fucking insane week, some good news, some disappointing but not unexpected news, but mostly just non-stop. Till now and even then I only have paused from the crazy to share that compilation.

NoHo came and went and I didn't go.

12 years ago is still fresh in my mind. Saw a facebook memory, almost verbatim what I said about my head smashing crash on my 49th birthday. "Lucky I landed on the top of my head, not my face". Seems that my instinct is to hit hard stuff with the hardest part of my body, my head full of rocks. 

At least my lights are all charged for the ride home tonight.

in

the

dark

Ugh...  

anyway i might go cue up an OG version of that song and listen the the dudes that initially performed it

and then get back to grinding away. but then i did have a thought - it is me, the job really isn't a job insomuch as it is me, a part of me, there is a seemless integration with what I do and me and that's kind of cool, but also kind of strange and I'm guessing unique..

as we wind on down the road

heddwch
G

FOMO sort of

Northampton CX is today and tomorrow. 30th everyone or one or whatever it's a lot. There's a lot of people signed up. Huge race. Everyone seems to be there. Like the whole internet. 

E was supposed to be in NYC running the marathon she didn't go. So I could have gone up. Done the day of registration, start in the back, where I belong, with 200 people on the course? Or, I could have (or really still could) jump in the car without a bike and drive and drive. 

But I slept in, and I'm still tired. Trying to remind myself I need to rest more, I need to not feel destroyed every day. But then it would be pretty cool to go up to NoHo. Maybe tomorrow.

Of course this morning I'm driving coffee and feeling like writing. And I left the work laptop at work. On the good side I'm not as likely to work but now writing? Guess I could grab the tablet instead of swiping on the phone. 

Thinking maybe bike shop today... Not sure I worked at all during October. Even if there's no bikes to build it's a chance to hang out with friends, or at least people I work with that are friendly to me when I'm there. Are they friends, like real ones? Maybe? Probably? Dunno tho. Most of the time, I guess everywhere, I just feel tolerated, like we'll be nice to you but def not act like we do around other people. I'd never think that if I haven't observed it pretty constantly over my life. But hey whatever. Maybe there's actually bikes to build and I can hide in the basement and help out and not impose too much. 

Skipped the voltaren stuff last night, knee feels a tiny bit more inflamed/in pain than yesterday morning but not functionally different. 

The Reddiyo plan has today as a rest day. Nothing scheduled. I'm already at 344 for the week. Sick a workout or a ride in tomorrow or both and should hit the 400 mark. For better or worse. Then start over again leading into really rad. 

Really rad... As in the rebirth of Plymouth. Haven't raced that in a long while. Not sure if I should stick with the singlespeed or toss some gears on. Maybe gears? Or just a harder gear, go to the 20 instead of the 22? 

Def not going to be at the shop when everyone else gets there today. Maybe bring bike and work on it there if there's no bikes that need building. I mean yeah I could work on it here at home but, it's not warm outside right now. 

Sunsets have been pretty solid lately. I even posted one to Facebook. 

That one. It was Thursday night. Next week will be in the dark. 

And I'll pellar do even more trainer miles. They aren't terrible, maybe they are helping even?

At least it is sunny here. 

Coffee cup is empty... Phone is almost charged. Time to pack some lunch and take a drive.

Heddwch,

G

was weird

 got home, snacked a ton, got on the bike had a decent but hard workout, short, and dinner and all that.

finished listening to a fantastic book. the new Becky Chambers, A psalm for the wild-built, worth a read - some really good quotes out of it and unexpected moments of joy and how to transform death and find joy in just conciousness.

at least i remembered to charge the headlight although i'm about ready to leave. 

got to a few things on the list, maybe a few more tomorrow

life is full and busy and not terrible..  but it is exhausting, i'm skeptical about trying to get the workout done on the trainer tonight, wish I had more daylight or time to get it done somewhere other than in the basement. Maybe one of these days i'll get a new trainer, maybe one with power so these workouts can be done with that metric instead of HR.

Rob Kramer shared something on twitter today...  i liked it, not 100% agree but in a way nearly so.

https://hbr.org/2020/11/what-you-should-follow-instead-of-your-passion i'll spoil it for you, don't follow your bliss, follow your blisters

kind of makes sense

this morning i hit play on this song getting through the start of the work load but after scanning the headlines on twitter

Hit the Mighty mighty bosstones latest release front to back next. Then just work and work.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. Running light on the coffee intake,light in the morning and shared some with another during a meeting and we'll see how the ride home goes and the workout. Guess it is a good thing there's still some halloween candy, crush some of that in the KPerham sugar window and hope for the best.

No NoHo for me this weekend. Iceman is ALSo this weekend, now that's a gravel race i'd love to do, hah yeah no it is a "mountain bike" race or so they say, i've heard mixed things, and having ridden East coast tech now, and lots of Michigan trails, well, I'd call it a gravel race. 
shit - on that list of mine is getting that dropper post ordered. Would be nice to get it on shortly after the fork gets fixed, but i probably should have ordered the post a while back if that was to happen. 

Pulling trigger on a few emails that are sitting and waiting for a moment and a re-read then i'll blast home and figure the rest of the day out.

amor fati motherfuckers

G

This morning?

 Workout?

Yeah nope.

So busy I forgot to hit publish on yesterdays garbage patch.

Guess I'll try and get home and do the workout tonight. Wondering how many TSS/WS is too many for a week for someone as slow and stressed as I am. I hit nearly 500 WS over the last two weeks (in a row) and I'm guessing that's probably contributing to why I was so tired and unable to compete the workout with only one day off the bike.

None of the workouts are over 100, but commutes aren't zero and I'm still functioning in a sleep deficit (not as bad as it has been) but overall life stress isn't measured and it is pretty significant.

Case in point, dreams last night were frustration RAGE machines, hard to explain the details now but the overall feeling of frustration and rage and all was and still is palpable.

Maybe I can channel some of that rage embedded to get through the interval.

Knee has been doing better but still residue soreness. I think maybe I need a week off of the singlespeed surly, too much torque. Need more spinny. Or something else. The diclofenac sodium topical gel (Voltaren) applied at night just before bed has been very effective at reducing the inflamation.

So maybe in a bit of time it'll be resolved.

Saw this...  https://usacycling.org/article/quick-and-easy-5-ingredient-meals my brain is still broken, that's a crazy list... skratch labs cook book has better foods and better seasoning and all those recipes are bland AF

there was some other stuff I was thinking about but forgot now... 

I did try and figure out TSS load limits, but didn't come up with anything more than a category breakdown not an age one although i'm sure there are plenty of 50 year olds that can hand a cat 1 level week of 700-1000 TSS, i'm def not one of them. As evidence by my getting lapped by everyone at Fruitlands.

Trying the eat more to combat fatigue, sort of working. But not totally. Back of my brain still wonders if the thyroid enlargement (basic and specific tests said all the levels were normal) has something to do with it all. 

also go listen to this album start to finish (or not, might not be your style) but is one motherfucking iconic album and important bit of musical history

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mG7ndizgcX0QrrKh3zF9lFyU6eFzprgiE

okay -time to wrap shit up- still haven't gotten to item three or four on the list and today was pretty much non-stop back to back...

Things not getting done that need to: 
#1 - start interview process with applicants for the job that will help here at work

#2 - work through the rest of the imaging on the SEM for the gallery show opening soon

#3 - course syllabus

But those are large tasks that will take time, focused and uninterrupted. The antithesis of what I have in-between all the fixing and teaching.

Maybe tomorrow (been saying this all week)

oh well

amor fati motherfuckers

G

picking up where yesterday left off

 what is it, why is everything so f'n upsidedown and sideways?

Shit's getting done but not easily or inexpensively. 

The car, no not the stinky Jetta, the one we got new? yeah, that noise? Long and expensive story and well, frustrating and annoying ugh - tires should last more than 20k miles. 

Mailed the fork back. No Call Tag of course. "We don't do that for warranty anymore" well shit. It is only money. Hopefully it'll be fixed soon and I can get back to riding the shifty squishy bike.

Need to get dropper post for it and some GX AXS for it maybe, I'd say I'd get some shimano for it but, that's a good joke. 

No time to start emailing candidates for the job, that will help me have more time to deal with the rest of the stuff that is keeping me occupied.

And yeah, could be doing that now but I figured taking 5 minutes to vent here after wolfing down lunch in 10 minutes is okay. 

I have 3 minutes left.

Still tired. Def not doing the workout tonight.

Maybe I can get Wed's planned workout done before heading to work, before I'm wrecked by another overscheduled and intense day. 

bailing is not failing(and other lies I tell myself)

Well I bailed on a workout for tonight. Just couldn't. Took yesterday off, rode super easy to and from work. Record? Low heat rate on the way in averaged 78. Riding the singlespeed Surly bike. Slowly. 

Same home (slowly), not as easy but not hard. 

Attempted the workout, almost bailed before the first interval, got through the first and yeah just barely and done.

Need more rest. Life plus workout stress was too much over the last ten+ days. Might bail on tomorrow's workout preemptively 

I like it but I'm tired.

G

Summer

 A short film buy Nick Cz.

He shares a birthday with my little brothers. It doesn't take a brilliant therapist to connect the dots that having little brothers with a birthday on a NATIONAL party day does for me relative to my neglected birthday that always happened before school started right around a holiday that had the family working hard (Bumbershoot Festival). 

That doesn't have anything to with this or Nick or anything. Although I'm sure we can tie Nick into this w/o much issue.

That said.

Short film by Nick. It is on Youtube. Go give it a watch as a late birthday present to him. 

It is entertaining. worth the 20 minutes.

In true Nick Cz fashion I'm sure it'll be a dead link before too long so don't wait to go watch.

-g

race report or music videos

 Dunno, what will it be?

Dead scope opened up an extra bit of time. Downside is it is the SEM and I can't actually work on the rest of the imaging for the show.

Also so much to do but hey, I'm overwhelmed and still pretty tired. Physically and mentally pausing after the crazy doesn't feel much more than required.

Ah Colorado you tortuous place

 So, you know what's not so far from Salida? And an hour away from Buena Vista?

Saguache

Have to remind myself to NOT what if this shit.

When my dad was there I had not yet gotten back into MTB'n. I had no bike. Now I have two.

Salsa Cycles Presents: Banana Belt Bike People from Salsa Cycles on Vimeo.

so now what?

anyone want to buy a chunk of land w/out any utilities or water or mineral rights outside of Saguache? Used to be a town dump (piles of rust flat cans mixed in with that shitty nasty plant that cuts truck tires if you drive near them), mostly flat. Good for solar if there were utilities. Probably could clear a couple flat spots for a trailer/campsite.

Near some pretty amazing MTB'n from the looks of it.

Sigh.

great video anyway

is it thursday already?

I worked from home for two days. made the second pot at home, problem is home pot of coffee is much bigger than work pot of coffee and that meant I was drinking more and well - slept great until about 3 am last night. The night before was the same except every gust from the Nor'Easter woke me up. 

I. am. tired.

Oh and I just got a flu shot. And today has been stressful and tomorrow will also be and I signed up for Fruitlands in the rain on Saturday.

I look at myself and thing, are you really that oblivious and stupid?

YUP

and then there is shit like this I wrote earlier and left here to stew while working on everything else:

but look how many people are dying that are vaccinated is not the flex or strong point for you trying to suggest a vaccine mandate is not helpful (pro-tip, it is helpful) all those dead vax'd people are probably

"... immuno compromised people who have no reaction to the vaccine because of things like, you know cancer, and other pretty common shit, or just other issues, kind of like how the whole bunch of old white dudes are so fixated on deaths and ignore all the other issues with covid as a disease, and if all those unvax'd folks got vax'd the people who have no immune response to it probably wouldn't die but hey - fuck them, who cares they deserve to die because they are weak and people shouldn't be mandated to get a vaccine just to reduce the chance of them dying. "

i posted the "" section over in a FB thread and then after a minute copied it and deleted it.

someone else posted something about 1 million 5-12 years olds getting vax'd would probably save 0-5 lives but leave some hundreds of them with heart issues from the vaccine... 

"um - you have no idea what you're talking about and you're an idiot for re-tweeting that bullshit image AND HOW ABOUT LONG TERM SHIT FROM COVID" 

just because someone doesn't die doesn't mean they aren't compromised for the rest of their life. Sterility anyone? I mean I guess if your kid is eligible for the vax and you refuse to get them it well... maybe you really don't need to expand the gene pool with your lineage. And then there's the people arguing against it who've never had kids, won't have kids and don't like kids. So ugh.

Fucking people

And now it is later than I wanted it to be and it is getting dark out there. I have a decently easy workout at least to do but also not enough daylight to do it outside anymore. Trainer night again maybe. If I can figure out what to make for dinner.

Time.

Lots in my head but no time to get it out...

I did realize that maybe this current crop of kids needs therapist because none of them are keeping secret journals, is that what kept us all sane? Writing in that book that no one else would read?

well we know how much value I get out of this - the same as it costs me...  $15 a year or so for the domain, i was fine with some random ass blogger page but NOOO someone had to go and reg the webpage. nah it has more value than that, a lot more...

there's some exciting stuff coming down the line but right now i gotta get home before it gets dark because I didn't bring a light (that is charged and I just remembered i was supposed to charge it today).

Alright

heddwch

G 

yesterday is not today

 it was a rough one that yesterday was, made it through.

what else to say? not much, moving on

There's some issues with the Reddiyo app and interface and data, not sure if it is the ancient 510 header data but it seems to be normal on Strava and looks the same as the Wahoo (did a side by side comparison today) but somehow the 510 data is interpreted strangely by the app. There's a Coggan score, they call it Workload Stress (WS) which is TSS by another name. And some how that doesn't seem to match up well.

Maybe it is the HR data. Maybe the algorithm works perfectly well with power but not so much with HR. Afterall HR has a narrow range and power is bigger. Broader data range makes lots of things easier. If the range you're trying to capture is between 89 and 160, well, that's pretty low resolution. Then couple that to the HR lag at the start of interval and then the over-run at the end. Neither of which happen when using Power. Suddenly a very clear cut interval (using speed or power) isn't so clear cut is it.

One of the things that I found engaging when submitting the application to be an ambassor for Reddiyo was the ability to train with HR. Who coaches with just HR now days? NO ONE. it seems at least.

So lets see how this works. Or doesn't work. I mean who DOESN'T have a powermeter? Besides me? Fine there are lots and lots of people w/o power meters, but very few people who are racing and doing structured training and or being coached (self or other person). Why? Because that shit works.

Why don't I? Well lets see, can't do wheel based too many absolutely different bikes. Crank? Yeah again, how many bikes? And just about every bike has a different style crank arm, also 180? Yeah okay. Then what?

Pedal based system? That might work but then changing pedals EVERY RIDE would be a giant pain and well, ultimately not great for the crank arms. 

Now if there was a shoe based system, that I would definitely think about. I wear the same shoes on everybike. Already have a cadence sensor on the shoe. Would be happy to move saddle up a couple mm to fit a sensor between the cleat and the shoe. Great breakdown about it here: https://cyclingtips.com/2021/03/are-cleat-based-power-meters-on-the-way/  so yeah, there ya go, I'm just waiting for that white whale I guess. Downside with that patent, it is for what looks like a 3 bolt cleat, not the 2 bolt SPDs I've got on everything.

Problems to solve, challenges to overcome. GeWilli never seems to do anything the easy way.

In spades actually.

Gonna post up a song video but will leave it as a stand alone post. 

I watched this last night. And man, yeah, I get it. And wow is that course in the film flat.

Back to work. late lunch after a morning of emails with a work out on the way in.

Amor Fati Motherfuckers,

G

Hello in there

 Lots of these John Prine tribute songs have been trickling out onto U toob lately. 

This one gave me goosebumps and had me sitting immobilized for the whole song

My brother says there's no one who can cover a John Prine song as well as John Prine and that he won't listen to anyone who has covered his stuff.

I think he's missing out. There are some that, yeah, not the best. But others? Some absolutely nail it to perfection.

Sturgill Simpson, Brandi Carlile, Jason Isbell, Bonnie Raitt, EmmyLou Harris...

Go check out the whole album. No, it isn't John Prine, but they are his songs, performed and recorded with love, respect and honor.

Ah shit, just que'd up Bonnie Raitt singing Angel from Montgomery, shit's got me tearing up while I write this.

structured workouts

 dunno if that is it or something else.

I woke up feeling like I had just gotten a fabulous night sleep.

but still felt sluggish and tired, a weird combo. So maybe I did sleep well but am so tired that it is going to take more than one night of good sleep to recover...

that or i gotta stop drinking coffee (and bulk up on weight, i keep forgetting that I gained a bunch when not drinking the bean juice) or something

maybe just a vacation

ah that's funny, i crack myself up...

Got up, coffee, got kid to school - rode along and drove the car home - ate food while watching one of the death and robot short films, dug out the black blue loaded up the training plan on the garmin and headed out for the workout in the cold. 

that was fucking hard and my heart rate things 1min on 1min off efforts are a joke. Oh we're supposed to start pumping? Fine, okay here we go... oh you're done? Fine how about we stay super high and only settling just as you start the next effort... maybe i am to tired for this

maybe i'm just out of shape

maybe i'm just built to ride forever, just not fast

And then of course that meant there was a good gap in the coffee consumption

too much of a gap

and now i have a headache

AND i'm still tired, both from that workout and life

I keep forgetting to finish filling out a form. 

I still feel like I'm trying to do too much but at the same time feel like i'm failing by not doing enough

all that and i haven't even touched on the emotions of loss yet

time for some single speed meditation on the way home. 

maybe there'll be a tailwind.

heddwch
G

overload

Sunday, MTB'n, there was this magic section on Fosters, 10 seconds maybe, one particular rock garden, it just clicked, the line, was just like 'wow'

I get what he's talking about here:

 and that bit about seeing trails somewhere else you really want to ride...

yeah...

the Zoo boys

 Joy is infectious.

Bikes are amazing

Be Kind. Always.

 Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

watch this, support this

 

perhaps you've seen it - perhaps not, thanks to Firefly, Built by Jerry and Velocio for sponsoring and sharing and creating this and opening up an opportunity to support.

go get your own jersey https://velocio.cc/blogs/culture/homelands

words... backed up

 sorry, just...  not sure where to start or what to say and no motivation to write or share..

I did race my bike on Saturday, and rode in the woods on Monday and am racing Wednesday. 

Spent sunday working on bike positions making it all the same relative to the saddle/BB setback and height.

the outpouring of condolences was heart warming but equally and opposite is the vacuum in the wake of it as everyone moves on and the event is out of their mind...

not mine.

I'm okay tho, sad, but functional...

back is def not full strength. woke up this morning a bit sore, def very much a huge set back, did not feel anywhere near as strong as I did pre-injury, and that's kind of discouraging, the feeling that peak form was Quad CX? 

Had tire issue Sunday too, kept dropping PSI until I put it up to 29, casing maybe too soft/worn to seal with my big fat butt on the bike.

I keep having the visceral response to death, that this is it and when we're gone we're gone and that's even writing that viscerally terrifying. My brother admitted to being like that for 10 years... maybe i'll find something that helps come to terms with it...

maybe i'm not totally okay but this also really didn't start before reading the quote on my birthday...

there ya go - another reason to hate the day

To make it all worse I've been sleeping like shit. Basically bad sleep since returning, i got no sleep and had zero consistency with sleep timing while out there and was taking Aleve non-stop...  last time I took anything was before the flight. I would guess my body is kind of wondering what the fuck that shit was good and now trying to re-equilibrate to get back to normal. Been going to be earlier because E is getting up before 5am to row... 

more shit to figure out

okay fine - i'm in a bit of a funk - but still surprsingly good at faking it when pressed or asked... you're not going to get me to admit (other than here) that i'm not having an easy go of everything

But here these cheered me up this morning:

I remember when that kid was just a kid...

oh and this one:

Do good, be kind...

heddwch

G

grateful timing

My Dad, J. Byron Williams, 1938-2021

There are stories to tell, memories to hold tight, and maybe better photos, more 'him' photos, many of which probably will show up over time.

This one was an unshared photo from the last big block of time I spent with him in March 2019. The progression of atypical parkinson's had slowed him down already but he was still walking around on his own and mostly in control.

Recently, he had finally had enough, didn't want to be poked or prodded or to be back in a hospital. He was done, and earlier today, went out on his own terms.

I'm deeply grateful to have been with him and my brothers this weekend before our dad finally, and fully let go.

am back

 lots to say but not quite sure where to start or if i can say it now

time i suppose

so now what? two weeks of immobility with the back another week here, and a big block of races i'd planned to do but now thinking I probably shouldn't to them all...

and now that i'm sitting in my office, suddenly the wave of exhaustion is settling in, not sure i'm going to make it till 3-3:30

took a bunch of photos

posted some up on the IG, mostly in the stories 

should put them up here with description and stories to go with

i think maybe some SEM time then catching up, we'll see if i can stay awake or not

Here I am

 In seattle, well Montlake Terrace to be precise.

Dad's starting Hospice on Monday. I'm here

all the brothers and the two grandsons were in one place together

it is a lot to process to deal with

planned on racing today, didn't plan on getting up at 3:30am in RI and flying to Seattle. 

good thing i know i can go for a long time w/o sleep. 

this is different than that, i don't have all the food and hydration and coffee and everything, and it is complicated and difficult and there's the whole pull from the my mother to see her, my sister to see her baby.

no time to ride

or eat, maybe not even sleep.

got cleaned up, had a few minutes to relax, charge my phone, take a MUCH needed shower.

bike racing? nope was going to race today, signed up even. Donation to the cause.

maybe i'll be back in time  to race next weekend.

life 

it is what happens, time to soak up the moments that I can

amor fati motherfuckers

heddwch
G

not much to say

 Social events here at work have a way of underscoring just how isolated and alone my existence is here. Microscopes don't throw parties. 

It isn't complicated but it is complicating. I did manage to overcome the social anxiety and the feeling of not belonging and went to the big all staff event. And it was just as lonely and isolation affirming as I expected. I ate a little food, got my T-shirt, had a seltzer water while everyone was tipping back beers and wine and hard seltzer. Yeah I panic'd for a minute thinking this was an alcoholic but no, it is just water.

Made it back, and cued this up. The Radavist has some good content. And this def lightened my mood and helped the mental state.

Dogs and MTBs

 I have very much a strong desire to have a trail dog, I love the idea, the extra bonding. My dogs are old. Older than Luna, they are slow, not so much lazy as more just sedentary and content to sleep and chill all day. I envy that in many ways, This whole convalescence with the back has made it pretty clean I'm not good at relaxing, and with the pain I have been physically unable to do so, and doubly so when the chairs you're used to lounging in, the couch, even the bed, are uncomfortable, and esp painful after more than a few minutes.

Today is maybe a good turning point. I feel better. But my knee is saying "HAH guess what? I was fooling you with all that Aleve you were taking, I'm still fucked." Back of my mind has me thinking I set the saddle a touch too high on the Stache for Sunday's ride. But since I need to re-grease/friction paste the seatpost (creaking like a i was complaining about my back - constant and loud) I'll just do that and be really fastidious about seat high. More than i was setting it. Part of the problem was I set it w/o being able to bend down and really get a perfect measurement. Flexibility is helpful for bike set up. Or is for my method. Was insanely painful and difficult to do the setback measurements. And setting this up? Well I probably paid less attention to detail than I should have.

Also, I think the 1cm further forward on the Crockett is actually a bad thing. Not the worst thing but not a good thing and I do need to find a set back post for that, fortunately a cool Thomson post should work, if I can find a black layback in 27.2.

Here, watch Luna:

Then maybe watch Laurie:

Now I'm on to more work and work and work

Amor Fati Motherfuckers
G

my twitter thread from today

The thread, I think I made a few editorial changes. I wrote it up, let it sit. Went back and tweaked. Tweaked again, and again. Let it sit. Came back to it, made one more tweak and hit publish.

Also, unusual was leaving it so that no one could comment. Twitter is about discussion, this was more of a chance/desire to say all this and leave it as a thought bit, not a discussion bit. 

best choice? Dunno, but feels more appropriate that way somehow. Stifles the agreement but more importantly doesn't give the outrage a place to vent. Sometimes (most times) comments are not good. Solobreak's comments here on this blog excepted. 

first opening tweet

Got thinking about a sensitive but important topic that tends to be divisive and me as a CHWM has no place doing more than wondering about inclusivity. 

Along the lines of why not use Pansexual instead of Bisexual? Doesn't Bi entrench the whole TERF argument? 

edited to this:

Something this morning got me thinking about a sensitive & important topic, specifically why isn't Pansexual used instead of Bisexual? It seems Bi can empower the TERF argument? 

It isn't my place to judge, especially as a CHWM, but working on inclusivity is a challenge for all.

the rest

The internet has answers, none that seem to resolve it, and most just accept and use it as inclusive. Isn't it just one more barrier for the T and NB individuals/community to contend with? 

Like this: Gay at one point was inclusive and only became gendered recently

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/01/dont-call-me-lgbtq/576388/ 

Of course Q has obvious political issues, and there's push back from the drop the B campaign as seen here from the UK source Pink news: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/06/15/drop-the-b-bisexual-lgbt/

There is no question that the gender binary inaccurately classifies humans, genetics and science shows us this. 

This thread https://twitter.com/RebeccaRHelm/status/1207834357639139328 is a fabulous read on that topic.

My rumination on my bike commute this morning started me wondering: were there forces of exclusion driving the selection of B instead of using P for pansexual? Perhaps let the sex industry have the B and make the move to LGPT+?

I'm contemplating this as a parent, a friend, a colleague, but clearly (although unbreakably tied to the community) I'm still outside of it. 

To close this I'd like to leave it with this:

If you're not working actively to include people (on any scale from personal to global), you are entrenching the exclusions that isolate them. 

Do  better. Do good.

Forget the shifty squishy bike

 I just want to not be in mind maddening pain.

To not be woken up with small muscles in the back going twang with a shot of pain as they lock up with unintentional movement, one, by one, until I can't move.

And then be locked in until about 11am after the salonpas and aleve kick in.

I don't like this.

I don't like how long this is taking to heal with no obvious change in pain levels, if anything it feels like it is getting worse.

Maybe the day off yesterday was bad for it? But I slept well when before then, although with the asymmetry of the pain now i'm favoring one side over the other. 

It is the whole right side, CX? Mt Bike? Both? Yes. maybe. 

Can't go back and change the ifs but man can I feel my brain chemistry change with this flood of pain signals and then the kick back from the Aleve. It feels weird and I don't like it.

Took a screaming hot shower at 6am. Didn't help, just made me hot and sweaty after and didn't really loosen anything up.

Time, and what? I'm stretching and all that I can do, kind of all the time. Moving, not staying in one position too long.

This sucks. Will I be ready to go for Night Weasels? Probably not, but maybe. 

When will I be able to start in on the Reddiyo training plan? Dunno, not sure. Not yet.

Maybe I do need to get back in the woods on the Singlespeed and work it all out that way. Maybe that's the key to solving it. Or at least re-setting it.

Getting hot flashes with the waves of pain.

This is not fun. Really really REALLY not fun.

But it is what it is and I can only do what I can do. I suppose I need to be patient, guess it would be easier to have a broken bone with a defined healing timeline. These soft tissue/muscular connection things are vague and drawn out and so unknown, and worse and worse with age and stuff...

ugh

hell I didn't even get a chance to write up about the races...

heddwch
G

Options for FS

Yeti

Ibis

Santa Cruz

Pivot

Scott

All their offerings are steep seat angles.

That 9point8 option plus flipping the chip on the Top Fuel looks like the only way to go. 

BUT Salsa has a slacker seat angle. BUT the shop isn't a dealer. 

Got into see the Doc today. She was unable to magically make it all better. Turns out my beta pleated sheets are MASSIVELY fucked up. Yay...

Translation: riding the top fuel for that many rides caused the upper back to scrunch up to try and support the weird position my hips and lower back were in and well, they all gave up and decided to say fuck it you're broken dumbass.

So I'm taking Aleve (yeah me, taking some OTC drugs) AND doc said to put some Salonpas pads on where it hurts so it stops hurting so the brain stops fucking shit up and so it can relax and eventually get fixed.

Which means everything is paused until that's sorted. Hopefully before next CX.

On the plus side my knee is almost completely recovered mostly due to the complete lack of hard pedaling since Quad CX. Guess it'll get more time to recover.

I'll ride to work tomorrow, chill and super easy. Probably stick a pain patch (or two) on in the morning before taking the Aleve to help target where it hurts the most and hope for slow and steady recovery and eventually getting back to pedaling.

Also Steep seat angles are FUCKING STUPID - for me... Could it be that everything else is too far back? Yes, it could be, but moving forward 10-20mm is possible on everything, will it help? Nope.

But, flipping the chip to the low position (and getting better at hopping shit) and getting more saddle set back should make the Top Fuel rideable. Maybe even dropping the bars a bit to close the angle down some more. 

Before I start chasing that demon I've gotta get all better again. 

Damnit.

Also, this has been some SERIOUS fucking pain, like I did not remember it was possible to hurt this much and wow does it suck. AND I DIDN'T EVEN CRASH THIS IS JUST FROM RIDING EASILY!

amor fati motherfuckers

G

Morning follow up

 Well, inspired by Solobreak's suggestion I made a concor specific fit jig to determine saddle setback and compare from bike to bike.

it lets me measure and compare both angle and set back from the BB spindle center.

There ya have it. 

I did actually compress the suspension and strap it in place to measure with sag. 

I measured the Crockett, the Surly and the Black Blue.

Did not measure the Stache because it doesn't have wheels on right now.

The actual effective top tube doesn't really matter, what matters is not being able to get the seat back far enough and now I can't bend over. Tried a few remounts on the way home last night - no pain - those muscles are fine. Somehow that being a bit too far forward completely screwed me up. 

And this makes sense and is consistent with the problem.

So how far?

The Top Fuel only has 6cm of setback (based on this jig, the hole and hanging tape measured from the front of the tape to the center of the bb)

The Crockett has 9cm

The Surly has 10-11 (i was getting sloppy with the measurements once I saw how far back they were)

The Black Blue is at 10-11 (only one i didn't write down, also hard to get good measurements since I can't really bend over - because back is fucked up)

I didn't check any of the Kleins or the Paramount or the White Blue.

I can still flip the chip on the TF, should drop it back a little more, but not much, and then still need another dropper post or crazy railed saddle...

But there's the numbers

the pain is bad enough that I'm thinking about trying to go back to the doc on Monday.

so frustrating

oh well

heddwch
G

It is the bike

 Chatted with Ben today... he absolutely confirmed that the cause is consistent and my deduction is correct.

Seat angle. 

I checked the Saddle to bar length (reach) on both the stache and the top fuel - identical.

How can I ride one for 24 hours and be fine and ride the other for 40 minutes 2x a day really easily and be totally fucked and crippled?

What's the difference?

bike fit is

 a giant pain in the ass

esp when something isn't quite right

bike racing is

As silly game, a good motivator and a way to stay healthy but also it is nothing and everything.

350 miles driven this weekend to race my bike for 47 and 44 minutes. 

That's pretty obscene. But it was also pretty fucking magical.

been a while

 Sorry about that, busy? Yeah. Pretty hectic.

Today was planned to be a Freetown 50 recon. Hasn't happened, and won't today. Embracing the day off, the day of recovery, of not pedaling. 

Focusing on that part of faking being a competitive athlete that I routinely fail at. Rest and Recovery.

Before Ida came through and delivered more of a storm than Henri ever did for us, I went around with the big heavy ladder and cleaned out the new gutters. Easy, but still had to move the heavy ladder around. At full extension it is a bit awkward for one person. Woke up that night with pain in the middle left of my back. The usual place. Knees are getting better but not better. Debating the whole doc visit but also know why and just how long these things take to heal. The lack of a sub-patellar bursa on my right knee is definitively not helping anything.

Last night there was forecast scattered showers until noon. Later over in Assonet/Freetown. Guess what, nothing. Any rain that fell was light and mostly to the south. But plans were never finalized and no one wanted to make the trip mid-day.

So I tried to sleep in as much as my back would let me after it not letting me sleep well through the night. Made some coffee, read, ate, caught up on a few things, explored something new, and really very much relaxing.

clarity of sorts

a quick re-read, edit, spell check, correct and clatify - now posting (Sept 6th 2021)

heddwch,
G

I went to catch up on the latest Fox Dialed episode about the World Cup this weekend in Suisse. And on the youtube page of recommendations Robin Williams face, in black and white with his eyes standing on in blue was staring at me.

Loaded obviously no? The man who made us all laugh more than anyone, made us cry, feel, and care, he was also passionate about cycling, and a deeply emotional alcoholic. 

So that's what it looks like from this side...

 Again, not the best sleep, something's off, mostly the fact that i woke up at 2am with the start of a caffeine withdrawal headache, at 2am, because I stopped drinking coffee early in the day, drank a lot even earlier and then thought it would help me sleep.

I mean I fell asleep earlier but ooh that was not good. Before the headache my biceps woke me up, i guess they didn't like the nordic pocket sawing we did. Three guys on the other side, just me on the one. too much. then added singlespeeding - so waking up with that periodically then the headache... oooooof

Finally up, coffee, took kid to school, first day. Took a selfie with them, came home. Drank more coffee, made a couple omelet pockets (couple eggs, cheese, taco/burrito meat wrapped in tortilla) one to eat then and one to eat on the ride - or after. Back of my head says eat extra protein to help with muscle soreness and repair. Also planning on riding relaxed pace so no need to power breakfast. Also ate a good pile of pizza the night before. 

So while that first one was cooking i posted up the photo of the two of us, my 'little' kid (she's 6' tall now) I checked the rest of the stories.

And saw one with this quote posted in one of those sharing post quote things that mix in with all the pretty photos of bikes and landscapes:

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”

― Henry David Thoreau

Tired dirt church

 I gotta stop riding with Matt B, last time my crank fell off, this time my chain fell off.

Fell off the singlespeed, yeah, one lead to a pretty dramatic uphill OTB (over the bars). 

Why? Well, if maybe you hadn't guessed, this chain went on for Hell's Half acre stage 2 with the 22 tooth. Did the full recondition and tension after that before 24 HOGG... and fuck all after that. 

oh yeah that singlespeed video

 

2021 24HOGG VIDEO content

 yeah I am the worst wideeoh content creator but here's some fun stuff...

had to verify my account to upload the whole thing so there's that

Pre-ride:
https://youtu.be/1NnDEURtU2s

Start Lap:
https://youtu.be/sb0mHVsHZ24

Last Lap:
https://youtu.be/iwYndGVUvMc

well parts of the last lap at least.

Watch em... don't watch em...

I think there might only be a few clips left that aren't included in those

oh and some ROB BAUER footage
https://youtu.be/-4Sb7dVk6yc

IYKYK

Veiled pulse of time

 It is a book, I've mentioned it I think, specifically in relation to the 7 year cycles.

I'm reading that chapter, woke up, made coffee, checked notifications on the phone, the medias and then what? no games to play since i quit them, don't want to start back up, so I actually grabbed the reading glasses (it is early and i'm older than I was and my eyes are fading) and started reading the chapter again. 

Made it through one short section. 

Too much thought stimulation from the reading i think. And I grabbed the tablet and plunking away instead of reading more. With the reading glasses my hands look ridiculously huge trying to dance around this smaller keyboard. W/o the reading glasses they don't look that out of proportion. Weird.

The idea that got me to get up and want to get to this point was about how this all feels like it comes down to one man and that doesn't feel right.

To step back, i guess I've been in science so long or science felt like it was good because it wasn't just one person, individuals certainly make huge impressions and some are far bigger contributors to the next new understanding but they aren't ever referenced in the same light. Maybe other than Einstein. Specifically there's a massive huge movement based on one person's lectures and writing... the Waldorf stuff. It is good, it seems to work and elements of it are in adjacent educational  systems, but even this book is all super focused on people following one person. 

I guess more like religion, border line cult perhaps. It does go hand in hand with homeopathy, which is different than naturopathy (aka chinese medicine aka native healers with generations of knowledge passed down, distilled and learned). 

Yeah I'm skeptical, more than some, cynical, more than others, and in some ways from the outside and as a whole, science is more of a communal shared system... on the inside the grad student, post doc, and all that tenure stuff is a typical human power trip of exploitation and struggle. Some survive, some of the best don't want any part of it once they see it.

That's the other thing people don't really get, both about science and the say native healers, there's generations and somewhat unfathomable depth to the foundation of the presentation of the solution, either an herbal medicine or a vaccine. The vaccine may have seemed to be spontaneously derived but it is build upon the work of thousands over years and years. It is a hard concept to grasp for most capitalistic barely educated americans.

In the 80s there was talk of an education gap, so the bean counters and people thought testing would help, lets focus on evaluating as a way to improve, rather than focus on the education side and not worry about the evaluation. Testing is easy, the other part not so much, and right now we're suffering from that as a country, or so it seems to me.

Smart people are blinding themselves and heading to a self motivated view, listening to podcasts w/o a good educational framework, because while they are smart their science education was lacking, particularly the pace and scope of biological understanding. That horse worm stuff for example. 

Something's going to have to change. Sooner than later. Maybe we can start with universal healthcare, take that burden away first. 

But before that we have to get through this pandemic. Perhaps as more insurance companies say, we're not waving covid treatments anymore that the impact of remaining unvaccinated will sink in. I hope. But i think not.

I want to circle back, a second and suggest that it is also okay that one person has a unique vision and understanding and is able to synthesize something in a way no one else has and put it together successfully ala RS (not the bike guy in this case) he drew the ideas from across cultural and geographic barriers and has dne some amazing connective work. But yeah - my initial gut reaction when everything about this stuff goes back to the one dude. Good ol' G being skeptical and shit.

I guess i should shut up and either read, but now it is later, i've done dishes and packed lunch (doing that made me want to circle back) and now I really should just head in and get to work so I'm prepared and not rushing around like crazy. I think I may have forgotten a few things for today's morning session. oops.

I'll bring the book and maybe try to read today. I don't think there's any World Cup coverage to try and follow, but it was cool watching the XCC and the USA world champ. Short track is cool. MTBs are, yeah yeah, cool.

But singlespeed is still also good. have to come back to the Salsa thing with Matt A. It is a short video but a good one.

Also figured out Premier Rush (from Adobe) and might have put a lap of Great Glen together into one long video.

now onward and into the heat and humidity

Amor Fati Motherfuckers
G

catch up

 Busy - so not much time to catch up.

bury the lede

 had a bit of a breakthrough moment - and no - no one better get any ideas for this year - think about next? fine go for it no one cares about 51.

Happened riding in, rolling that concept that was brought up in the twitter thread I linked last night.

And it ties in REALLY well with the issues I had with the whole 40 part, that really started 11 years ago.

Funny that. 

What was it GeWilli - shut up already and get to the point - I will - i will.

Interesting lunch

panicked call from Kid in tears "I think my bike just broke" 

"where are you"

[5 min ride away, i'm on the bike riding between locations]

"I'll be there in 5 mins, relax, we'll figure it out."

and so i start pedaling away from main office

I get there, kid is in the grass, in tears, her bike, the one mode of transport she has right now, busted.

Looks like it got bumped or something and the hanger got bent and going up the hill she shifted to the easiest cog in the back and you guessed it. Ripped the rear mech off 

Jammed the chain nicely, bent the pully cage, but other than a cleanly ripped off hanger and a mangled plastic pie plate, bike is fine. 

Realized I had a @Topeak_Intl Ninja 16 tool in the saddle bag. 5 min later, shorter chain, one gear she was headed back home and me to work.

And yeah, honestly the chain tool on that little bitty multi-tool worked really well. Had all the other stuff to disconnect the rear der. And so small I forgot about it until I needed it. 

Now just have to figure out a bike for her for tomorrow.

Here's the thing

 I'm just over enough into one of the spectrums to be completely useless at following through stuff without sufficient external motivation.

Liker riding to Boston, need a goal, a destination, all the long ride had an objective. Then ones that didn't were brutal and the only way I actually did then was as part of the HOTM challenge.

https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1429544362455699460?s=19

That. Kind of clicked just now. Trying to figure out birthday ride... Maybe a solo MTB ride isn't enough, even if the mental trick is too help Mike with the race, and ultimately why I'm absolute shit at having as success ever doing anything on my birthday. See also why I hate the end of August. Everyone absolutely always has something else going on, labor day or the week before so trying to get work ready for the long weekend or just back from vacation and no more days off or if weekend same but too much to do. Makes ya think that these excuses have more to do with being evasive and busy that the actual time of the year.

I am used to it. 45 years of being aware of this conundrum, i am most jealous of those who just don't care and are happy and just ignore their day. But observationally, most of those people still seem to have big birthday parties. Circles back to me again. Just fucking broken.

I get asked 'what do you want for your birthday' the fuck if I know, I can't even give you an answer to "what do you want to do for lunch"

I'll make pbj sandwiches just to avoid that question...

Also I'm sorry I get like this every year. I work hard at staying positive and this is all I guess a way of trying to figure it out. 

This morning was def that kind of have a shot of vodka before the commute, another with coffee and then a bit on the way home kind of day. Like a day I just want to medicate it away. Ecevit that never helped, never made it go away. And that was really just at the end anyway.

Give me a task, got it. I hate surprises. They fit into the unknown. 

So yeah. Is encourage everyone to just turn off your rss if you use it and just come back here in a week or two once this is all over. 

Maybei should do that too... 

But having quit the one time consuming habit, I find myself being pulled over here more to fill that void.

Also I'm sure this is gonna have a whole new pile of typos because I'm writing it from my phone using swipe.

And no, I'm not proofreading this 

Amor Fati motherfuckers 

G

Sam

 Sturgill's new album has been popping up here and there so as a whim while working on emails and catching up I threw it on the speakers...

and this song came on and i wasn't ready for it - had to listen again, and then caught all the words and well yeah that's never good to get all misty eye'd first thing.

Also had idea of maybe doing something productive on next Monday... Mike's putting on some big stupid race and mentioned something a while back about looking for help clearing the trail and all that, well... I'm thinking maybe I strap some extra water, grab the felcos, silky, and nordic pocket saws and go ride the Freetown 50 course and clear what i can. Ride it all or not. The race has the correct number in it, even if the lap is only 17 miles, could spend the whole day out there, or just part of it. Get to the aid station point and two track it back to the car to resupply maybe? Add miles that way. 

Would give meaning to the ride, and give back and keep me away from everyone. 

I know i shared this somewhere else, did I share it here? It is good. Good enough to share it again.

anyway - kind of frustrated with myself right now...

putting my head back down and gonna eat lunch and get back to work

amor fati motherfuckers

G

hype then fizzle

 Hurricane Henri, that is. Huge build up, going right for us, no going west, no back at us, ooh worse and worse...  build up build up...

then downgraded then actually moving further west again...

wound up with some heavy bands of rain early today, then not much, brief periods of strong gusty winds, a little misty rain, winds from a normal direction, nothing too crazy.

No MTB ride, no dirt church.

Kind of itching to ride but still a risk of falling limbs and everything is wet. 

maybe should just go for a walk before it gets dark to just stretch the legs a little.

on the other hand it has been a day of really not much.

got up and made some french toast, took the oldest to the train to go back to Boston came home, finished listening to the 3rd book in the Hell Diver's  series, ate food...

tried to fix the electric kettle that won't work again, can't find anything wrong, wires all go where they are supposed to, no smoke or bad looking stuff, so either a faulty switch or dead heating coil.  finally pitched it in the garbage. done. not fixing.

I know should fix but also stuff, don't need broken stuff and we don't make much tea around here and when we do the stove kettle works well enough.

Weird to have a day off. like off off. no bike ride, no shopping, just hanging out and resting...  kind of want more coffee but it is after 4pm and i'll just stick with being tired. 

Storm anxiety meant not a great night sleep, so far it almost looks like we have blue skies out there. 

we've had bigger more powerful unnamed storms crash through. Will be interesting to see how the bike path looks. Guess I could head out and check on it, maybe that's a good thing to do  before dinner,,, or just keep it a total rest day.

Def felt like I wanted to ride, but I guess the rest is good, i don't have any form to lose and I know i've been riding tired for months now, just feels weird having a day that is normal for some. 

Birthday ride plans have fizzled and evaporated, much like this hurricane.

Maybe I just need to do a N-S trail solo adventure? I dunno tho feels even sadder to  ride bikes all day alone than not riding bikes...  i've got a week to figure it out, kind of surprisingly bummed it fell through, not surprised, no just sad.

"you have so many friends" yeah no never feels like it... and yeah i don't like my birthday and i really don't like this one esp now... whatever, it is just a day and who cares how old I am now, do the numbers really matter? does anything? Some people have parties and friends, some people don't.

just have to make it through the next 8 days or so and get through it. week should be busy enough to keep me somewhat distracted... but probably not distracted enough.

heddwch
G

was gonna write new post but that would be silly, who does two posts in one day... besides me...

also for other reasons

realized a bit ago, i'm in one of those depressed states, also recognizing that it always happens about this time of the year, but adding to it now is the let down post 24HOGG, the knee keeping me off the bike last week and the storm keeping me off it this weekend, the fact that I need to warranty the new fork on the new bike on the frame i STILL haven't paid for that costs way too much money but that fits me really well and besides the low bottom bracket (can't fix it but could put a smaller ring on there) and the too long seat post (swap with Stache most likely) i REALLY like it and it rides so nicely. Oh and well seems college and other costs (new roof, new windows - both critical and needed) oh and new car, forgot that - we're back to worrying about cashflow, funny how not worrying about that takes a big  weight off, or adds it back on... good news on the bike is, bike shop boss man, is understanding and once the new frames are out i'll order one to replace this one. maybe shit will turn around by then. hahaha right...  sure... things aren't bad yet but it is very different from before the roof, and the car, fuck i forget  we bought a fucking car. and yeah i know - every year it becomes a big deal and y'all are probably all tired of it and just need me to fix my shit and get over it...  i'm working on it, thought I had a better handle  on it last year (but can probably look back and see that no  i didn't) and then i have to go and turn 50... 

oh yeah right, last year was going along really well until I  smashed my head on the rock... right... 

thing is, i  don't know where i want to ride, trying to  put 50 miles into a loop in BR sounds possible but also  intense and not easy but maybe that's what I need to do? Can do that alone,  leave car over at  Hopkins Hill lot, circle back through there on loops to resupply. Would be pretty crazy and probably  stupid but it is one of the ideas floating around right now... maybe i'll play with trail maps this week and see what I can do. Also could do 50 miles on the N-S trail -  25 one way and back... learn the route a little... i'm  trying to work on the positive side - stay focused and engaged but it is really really really difficult fighting the annual discouragement and funk... just watching a chef show and the person starts in on talking about how much joy it brings  them to make a cake for  someone's birthday and the pleasure that person gets from eating it...  i don't even like cake and here i am and those few words and that short bit of time on the documentary pushed me down the hole a little more. 

three days of not pedaling and keeping my knee elevated and it is feeling a lot better.

so there's that...  fixed the cleats on the shoes i think, got em where they should be, not sure how i thought they weren't in the same place as before,  it seems so  far off. 

the week is packed but already one cancellation (more of a postponement - ahahahah good luck with that) but of course there are three things to fill that one slot just waiting...  

at least we didn't lose power, a dud storm is a good one, not getting wrecked is good. Sorry if you or folks you know did get hammered by Henri. 

i'm tired but not in the sense that coffee or sleep can fix...  i need a week of recharge, two days of wondering what the fuck am i suppose to do, a few days of getting used to it and a day to get it all right before having to go back to non-stop everything.

i can dream right?

had weird ones last night now that I am thinking about it...

anyway - good to get those things out of my head, maybe it will help, and yeah, i'll be fine, i'll figure it out, one foot in front of the other, one pedal stroke at a time

grinnin

 ear to ear - 

esp when the first chords of waiting room kick in

So good.

Felt good on the ride home - had a kid go by me on his fancy road bike, we had a decent headwind, i was just trying to hit the 75 rpm range, and then he started slowing down a touch, i'm on the singlespeed, and well, fuck it lets see how the legs respond...

lets see how the legs do moving this 40 pound beast with a backpack on into the wind, wound it up and held it, the work crept up and it got harder and harder but that's kind of the beauty of the SS, keep that cadence the same as as long as the terrain and the wind don't change the output stays the same and man I held it  as long as I could, the cadence started to drop and I just had to roll it in for a bit.

kid on the fancy road bike with the loud  hub must have turned around, or sat up when he got  passed by the old guy on the orange surly tank.

bikes are good 

at least I think so, they are for me, everyone is different, we all have our thing, some of us, well the thing is bikes...

ride on motherfuckers  lets have coffee outside one of these days eh?

heddwch
G

ride every day

 

h/t BETA mag for the link share/story: https://www.betamtb.com/culture/ride-every-day-the-bass-way-video/