https://wizzhouse.com/an-extroverted-introvert-gives-14-real-life-examples-of-extroverted-introverts/
not great combo but explains much...
FB link...
FB triggered return to it... first PaulyB posted a twitter reply to Sachs, that fired up the response engine,
Then Myles posted about "CX is coming" and well I said: "only CX for me we be with a wrench or a roll ot tape, lemme know if a racer/promoter needs either #hiredgun #doneracing"
further comments got this out of me: i'm just gonna be a hired gun or the drunk slow guy at the back of the SSCX races nearby RI this season... the more of the former means the less of the latter... although i'm pretty sure they are not going to be any overlaps.
then this: i could unjustly shift the blame, but it would only be to those who are making the excuses easier to make. I kind of expect to be back racing at some point, i don't see that point being anywhere w/in the next year tho.
Age group change totally completely removed any desire to line up for the Vittoria series this year. Completely.
That was the final straw in the wavering tower of jenga blocks i'm standing on.
Zero intensity and August is tomorrow. ZERO INTENSITY for MONTHS. The odd smackdown or TT (one of each in recent memory) does not make consistency. I'm slow. I can feel how out of shape I am. It is a weird and strange feeling.
I still love riding my bike, still love working on bikes. Love making them awesome for other people.
Love CX, but I'm kind of done racing for a bit. I realize how much i put into it with so little out. Nothing even close to 2013 season. Not even a race worthy of sweeping up after that season since.
Sure some of them were fun, the races, But I kind of felt better in the pits helping others than trying to flail and fail on my own recently.
I'd love to go to G-ster, but there's no goddamn way i'm signing up to race this year. Fuck. That. No. Way. September is a wash, most of October is hosed, first weekend in Nov? gone. Zanc series has continued the shift north, adding more and more venues further and further away, probably because that's where the venues are shifting... and i haven't looked but I'd guess the final race in the series is, again for the ??? year going to happen when I'm not there...
and then January rolls around and everyone says fuck you all we're going home to bitch about the cold weather and snow until summer happens when we bitch about the heat and humidity.
IT WAS A GOOD EVENING... woke up ready to go then slipped into the start of the day sucking, but not terrible, headed downhill from there then eventually turned about and got amazing and now back to .!.. ..!. for everyone
tomorrow is another day and we'll see if it the morning can deliver...
better start checking with the canadians that have hired me before...
maybe another CX wrench has too many clients and needs to hire someone else...
shrug, either way, we'll see what happens...
heddwch
G
HFS! late night realizations... at this rate my USAC license for 2018 may never get used... all that money ... wasted...
Monday, July 31, 2017
Friday, July 28, 2017
the creep of resurgence
Been a slow build this week.
A good build.
Referencing feeling positive and good and happy most of the time.
One lingering hook, snag, tether... that tug from the unknown end of the line, what's on the other side of it and why is it pulling on me, best way to describe it I guess.
Asking the friend about a specific solution, was good - almost cut me free from that line that I know is attached to a really big truck tire at the bottom of the lake, but there are two lines, maybe figure out how to break free from that one helps with the other.
I'm messing with the fishing metaphor a bit, very plastic - being both on the rod side and the hook side at once. Makes sense in my mind but I see stuff in a matrix/fluid way more than normal, cryptic and confusing to others is clear to me.
The one current hook, odd.
But working to focus on the positive, that ground swell of feeling good. Talking to Tom was very helped, far more so than I could have expected, as I think I said already.
not quite enough food for lunch, but i'm not quite pedaling enough to justify eating more. Maybe I'll grab and extra beer on the way home to balance out day time calorie deficit.
This odd turn has been pleasant. And good.
Today things finally started to settle down a bit here, next week isn't looking great but at first glance still manageable. No TT last night, no smackdown on tuesday, maybe next week I'll make Smackdown. Won't be back in time from BOS/logan pickup in time for TT it looks like, but who knows maybe traffic will be less shitty than Tuesday.
Time to bust out of this place, head over to toss a few things together to get on the floor before Saturday, plenty to catch up on there.
Also I've taken to commuting more frequently in street clothes. Def not as cool and functional as bike stuff but it saves a bunch of time not having to change when I get to work. Not sure what that means though, have I slid down the rung of cyclists to just commuter? Looks that way from Strava. Back and forth back and forth... all the same route, little diversity.
It is what it is though and it is kind of okay now.
heddwch
G
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
FINALLY
A day off...
that felt like a day off.
Slow start, running around in the AM, taking a nap, doing nothing. Drive to Logan, drop oldest off, talk to a friend I haven't in way too long.
It was good.
I don't even remember the traffic from BOS to PVD. There was a shit ton, but I was talking and just following the pokey slow car in the right lane all the way there.
Got some groceries... didn't do work at either place, am relaxed, able to forget and push the burdens aside for a day.
It was good.
Need a bit more but am happy just for this brief moment.
Back at it tomorrow.
Oh and no smackdown. Just got home a bit ago. no pedaling today.
heddwch
g
that felt like a day off.
Slow start, running around in the AM, taking a nap, doing nothing. Drive to Logan, drop oldest off, talk to a friend I haven't in way too long.
It was good.
I don't even remember the traffic from BOS to PVD. There was a shit ton, but I was talking and just following the pokey slow car in the right lane all the way there.
Got some groceries... didn't do work at either place, am relaxed, able to forget and push the burdens aside for a day.
It was good.
Need a bit more but am happy just for this brief moment.
Back at it tomorrow.
Oh and no smackdown. Just got home a bit ago. no pedaling today.
heddwch
g
before the good mojo turn around
that's why i'm tweaking the time line here. this was written after the FINALLY post but chronologically goes before it...
this:
http://providenceonline.com/stories/radio-silence,24147
completely fucking sucks. In the car I have WBRU on 100% of the time (except sundays). Radio in the house? WBRU.
Not new news but unfortunate and sad.
Also...
https://twitter.com/VittoriaSeries/status/889854400050716673
no more 45+
no more verge series. makes it even easier to walk away. I'll still show up if someone one needs to hire a mechanic for any race, but barring that I will likely stay home from that series this year. That with the Zanc series moving with a northern bias...
Gonna eat some salad and try and go to sleep early. tomorrow is gonna be a wee bit nuts.
heddwch
G
this:
http://providenceonline.com/stories/radio-silence,24147
completely fucking sucks. In the car I have WBRU on 100% of the time (except sundays). Radio in the house? WBRU.
Not new news but unfortunate and sad.
Also...
https://twitter.com/VittoriaSeries/status/889854400050716673
no more 45+
no more verge series. makes it even easier to walk away. I'll still show up if someone one needs to hire a mechanic for any race, but barring that I will likely stay home from that series this year. That with the Zanc series moving with a northern bias...
Gonna eat some salad and try and go to sleep early. tomorrow is gonna be a wee bit nuts.
heddwch
G
Monday, July 24, 2017
i was
going to write stuff tonight...
but decided in a mood to work no not being negative to say nothing...
because i have nothing positive to say
other than that atom there? it lost an electron, and it is positive....
reach out from far away as a reaction w/o seeing the lead up?
i'm sorry that my arms don't reach that far behind my back...
today was good not good... mostly not good...
i work to help to add...
but i'm tired...
best thing about tonight is being out of beer....
and that's really not a good thing.
but it is what it is,
i took a snapshot with my phone and wrote a haiku about tonight...
click the instagram link if you wanna see that...
Maybe i'll ride again. Not doing smackdown tomorrow because i'm airport shuttle...
but the rest of the week is already booked solid meaning - no riding other than getting to work...
fun times...
6.9 miles at a time..
heddwch
G
but decided in a mood to work no not being negative to say nothing...
because i have nothing positive to say
other than that atom there? it lost an electron, and it is positive....
reach out from far away as a reaction w/o seeing the lead up?
i'm sorry that my arms don't reach that far behind my back...
today was good not good... mostly not good...
i work to help to add...
but i'm tired...
best thing about tonight is being out of beer....
and that's really not a good thing.
but it is what it is,
i took a snapshot with my phone and wrote a haiku about tonight...
click the instagram link if you wanna see that...
Maybe i'll ride again. Not doing smackdown tomorrow because i'm airport shuttle...
but the rest of the week is already booked solid meaning - no riding other than getting to work...
fun times...
6.9 miles at a time..
heddwch
G
Sunday, July 23, 2017
And then, you talk to your mom
and the one person with all the answers has none...
not that i asked questions but laying it all out there, yeah what else to do?
is okay, I know it is all good and huge numbers of people benefit. Translating that into good headspace is the challenge, mostly because I think i can do more.
huge moment of clarity today working...
not sure it was a positive one but any fact that falls into place in the wall, boom that brick belongs, is recognizable as a solid acceptance...
talk about this one? Nope not here... but at some point, maybe...
that's all... got decent sleep last couple nights, means I'm sure as shit going to be tossing and turning tonight....
be well
heddwch
G
not that i asked questions but laying it all out there, yeah what else to do?
is okay, I know it is all good and huge numbers of people benefit. Translating that into good headspace is the challenge, mostly because I think i can do more.
huge moment of clarity today working...
not sure it was a positive one but any fact that falls into place in the wall, boom that brick belongs, is recognizable as a solid acceptance...
talk about this one? Nope not here... but at some point, maybe...
that's all... got decent sleep last couple nights, means I'm sure as shit going to be tossing and turning tonight....
be well
heddwch
G
Saturday, July 22, 2017
Saturday thinking
Saturday thinking…
It has been a long week. Fantastic amazing ending of the week, only to have it absolutely make a 180 degree turn.
But sometimes you need to swallow hard and be alone and let others do their thing.
But sometimes you need to swallow hard and be alone and let others do their thing.
And then my brothers called, let me know my dad smashed up his truck in Colorado Springs. But he’s okay. The mayor of the town he lives in will drive over to pick him up and them one of my brother’s is flying out to drive my dad back to CS to empty the truck.
Today I had planned to get to the shop early to get caught up. Woke up at 6:15, drank a bit of water, put an eye drop in… and passed out, woke up at 8… made an effort to get up, only to wake up at 11am… FUCK.
Barely made coffee before the lack of caffeine became critical. Got dressed and for the first time since the 16th… got on the bike.
And I made an attempt at working. It sort of worked. I got through a handful of bikes. Honestly most of them were sold w/in a few minutes of building them. A couple were sold before.
I realized today that building bikes alone, in the basement, is very much like riding my bike alone, mile after mile. Thinking of everything. All the things and nothing. Instead of putting miles in my legs I’m making sure people’s bikes are quality for their legs.
working for others… doing what I can do… life….
mine....
Turn a corner, run into a wall.
Frustrated at each turn. Relaxation? elusive…
Moving from one crisis to another obligation, and moving forward, always…
Good couple times a day this past week, of course this week, people have asked “How’s the riding going? Must be getting in many miles lately? Had any long rides lately?” Each was a bit of a twist of the knife. I mean I have a good answer, I’m burned out. Tired, stressed. Bikes are wanting for attention and repair. I’m busy.. and i am pretty much willing to facilitate everyone else,
well i’ve had a lot of time alone. figuring things out… not really for the better, but knowledge and recognition. Life… choices you've made and all that...
slowly making progress in my brain, focusing on attempt to add … not subtract…
Movie tonight: “why does this hurt so much?” “because it is real.”
yup…
Tea is at four, don’t bother knocking…
might try this sleep thing soon…
heddwch
G
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody (Live At Wembley Stadium, Saturday 12 July 1986)
Master of your craft... few almost no one will ever touch this level of mastery... #respect
played with timelapse
you can check the instagram link on the left, i won't bother giving a link because i'm sure most people here have seen it...
it was the second bike of the day, first was a test run.... I got slower as the day went on but still managed keep it in profitable range, still... means just another day of work. Not so bad though, I had the 4th off. It is only the 16th. No so many days in a row, that said, i'm not sure if/when i'll have another day off. Off the bike? likely all week with schedule. Off work? nope. big fat extra nope.
But that's okay.
Gotta facilitate everyone else's vacations.
Emphasize everyone else.
Not bitter, resigned. Is okay.
It is life.
Will try timelapse again when I have something more exciting to build than an 820 or a Marlin 7. Maybe I'll try something at the other dungeon/basement/no window life.
Wasn't surprising that someone picked up on the basement. Couple people did. Guess that's where the powers that be think I should be. Out of the way, quiet, hidden... but like the snow piercer, without me everything would grind to a halt...
That said - basement is great, I can turn up music loud enough to drown out anything anyone is saying upstairs that might distract me and draw me in, and I have bikes next to me, and places to put them when they are built.
It is an optimal arrangement. Esp for being alone.
With everyone ghosting me, announced or unannounced, it isn't so bad being alone. Forces me to re-center. focus. Keeping going, one foot in front of the other.
E asked what bike I was going to buy with all this extra work I'm doing this summer. Nothing to buy. Emonda ALR6? would be dumb, wheels suck, might fit but still ALR and heavy compared to S or SL esp SLR, and '18 models are very different, cheaper and lighter, but not avail for employee purchase yet. Same for crocket. Get that with stranglehold? Sure why not! But default is with SRAM and sorry, love them (just not their wheel lacing pattern choices) but I'm a shimano guy and it doesn't look like that's a possibility.... Then what?
who knows.... Santa Cruz Stigmata? I'm making a few extra dollars, not a few extra thousand of dollars....
I did just retire the '09 Propel helmet. It is pretty dead. But replaced with that Lazer I got not so much longer after it. Leaving only the orange Giro at race level... maybe need to get another to balance/in case.
But Helmets aren't bikes... man it would be so much easier if i wasn't on the far end of the bell curve.... The year my 63cm Klein Quantum Pro was made...they made 3-4 frames in that size. PERIOD. And I got one of them.
How crazy is that. First they had a commitment to keep making the bike size that fit Gary Klein, but that they did and sold it to a few people.. I waited a while for that frame.
It was pretty goddamn expensive. But right now, still probably weighs 2x as much as the Emonda ALR. even with the shitty stock wheels on the Trek.
Still currently, in the whats the point in getting a new bike. What am I gonna do with it?
Nothing.
One more beer than I'll go to bed and go to work tomorrow.... just like today, and the day before, and the day before and ....
heddwch
G
it was the second bike of the day, first was a test run.... I got slower as the day went on but still managed keep it in profitable range, still... means just another day of work. Not so bad though, I had the 4th off. It is only the 16th. No so many days in a row, that said, i'm not sure if/when i'll have another day off. Off the bike? likely all week with schedule. Off work? nope. big fat extra nope.
But that's okay.
Gotta facilitate everyone else's vacations.
Emphasize everyone else.
Not bitter, resigned. Is okay.
It is life.
Will try timelapse again when I have something more exciting to build than an 820 or a Marlin 7. Maybe I'll try something at the other dungeon/basement/no window life.
Wasn't surprising that someone picked up on the basement. Couple people did. Guess that's where the powers that be think I should be. Out of the way, quiet, hidden... but like the snow piercer, without me everything would grind to a halt...
That said - basement is great, I can turn up music loud enough to drown out anything anyone is saying upstairs that might distract me and draw me in, and I have bikes next to me, and places to put them when they are built.
It is an optimal arrangement. Esp for being alone.
With everyone ghosting me, announced or unannounced, it isn't so bad being alone. Forces me to re-center. focus. Keeping going, one foot in front of the other.
E asked what bike I was going to buy with all this extra work I'm doing this summer. Nothing to buy. Emonda ALR6? would be dumb, wheels suck, might fit but still ALR and heavy compared to S or SL esp SLR, and '18 models are very different, cheaper and lighter, but not avail for employee purchase yet. Same for crocket. Get that with stranglehold? Sure why not! But default is with SRAM and sorry, love them (just not their wheel lacing pattern choices) but I'm a shimano guy and it doesn't look like that's a possibility.... Then what?
who knows.... Santa Cruz Stigmata? I'm making a few extra dollars, not a few extra thousand of dollars....
I did just retire the '09 Propel helmet. It is pretty dead. But replaced with that Lazer I got not so much longer after it. Leaving only the orange Giro at race level... maybe need to get another to balance/in case.
But Helmets aren't bikes... man it would be so much easier if i wasn't on the far end of the bell curve.... The year my 63cm Klein Quantum Pro was made...they made 3-4 frames in that size. PERIOD. And I got one of them.
How crazy is that. First they had a commitment to keep making the bike size that fit Gary Klein, but that they did and sold it to a few people.. I waited a while for that frame.
It was pretty goddamn expensive. But right now, still probably weighs 2x as much as the Emonda ALR. even with the shitty stock wheels on the Trek.
Still currently, in the whats the point in getting a new bike. What am I gonna do with it?
Nothing.
One more beer than I'll go to bed and go to work tomorrow.... just like today, and the day before, and the day before and ....
heddwch
G
Saturday, July 15, 2017
zen buddhist
kind of makes sense...
but not really, yes, go with the flow, calm when others aren't...
stupid quiz tho yo http://mydailyquizz.com/what-is-your-actual-religion-according-to-your-subconscious/
i think it, like every other quiz out there is bullshit.... not enough variables, not enough answers for each question...
what is my actual religion?
Life... we have but one, this is it.
we're done? we're done.
What we leave behind, in interactions... in legacy... in how we treat people... or at least how we attempt to treat people...
I got up, had coffee, was building bikes by 8:30am, paused to do some shopping and collect youngest kid from hair cut appointment that went 45 min longer than expected because she has so much hair, and back to bike shop.
Work.
Tomorrow not likely to be much different.
Puts last day off as July 4th and that day I was so wrecked I could barely function and I'm running that battery really low.
Next week is gonna be a shit show for sure. Probably gonna be driving every day. Anxiety and everything freaked about about dinner on tuesday... freaked out that between me and my oldest we're gonna rack up 30-40 on the bill and we're still gonna need to pay a couple hundred just to cover the four who've never ever wanted for anything.... I'm so freaked out and anxious i've started working on a bailout plan... i don't have a plan yet but i'm working on it... it would help if the weather is good and I can make smackdown and then somehow dramatically be so delayed that I can't join...
too much drama given the drama i'm going to walk into at work on Monday... at least the bikes aren't dramatic. They are in boxes, i put them together. One after another. just over 20 in boxes, some priority but mostly just build em, till there are none left to build. Happened all the time in PVD. Hasn't happened once at EP. Also I realized, it is only 10-12 min longer to ride to the shop than drive. Def gonna ride tomorrow.
Today was the first day off the bike in a while too.
Tired. very much so.
I would be pretty lonely if not for web log outlet. And I'm not sure that's a good thing.
But man do I respond well to just being with myself, alone...
But then, i really really get tired of being alone...
Being alone in the basement, at work, both works.
Today I was thinking about vacation... what would it take to actually take a break? It would take lifting an insane number of responsibilities.... it would take lifting all of the financial guilt of not doing anything and somehow would take a balance of others cooking for me but also cooking for myself.
AKA fucking mission impossible...
Maybe next year....
Zen, heddwch, peace, love, hugs...
def need more hugs, really really need more hugs, more contact, more physical connections, i need to be alone but the yin and yang are such that i need opposites equally, contact and isolation... fuck up the balance and shit's weird.
It is strange getting to this point in your life and realizing what it is what works and what doesn't.
Deano texted me a shot of his Barrington Coffee Roasters's espresso from today... memories of hundos past...
I have zero desire to ride a Hundo right now. Zero. Absolutely not anything I want to do. Negacoach was going on about Eddie B's book and training logs and everything and journals and I had the strongest aversion to it all. Fuck. That. Shit.
Don't get me wrong. I love riding. I love bikes. Bikes are pretty fucking awesome...
But maybe I've just burned out on the competitive side... fuck that shit. My best effort, everything working perfectly, still mediocre.
No desire to try to just get close enough to reach the mendoza line from the below. That's even factoring that I have longer arms than most...
i better stop writing before I did a bigger hole...
gonna have some more salad, maybe a couple more beers...
try to relax before getting up and going to work tomorrow....
heddwch
G
but not really, yes, go with the flow, calm when others aren't...
stupid quiz tho yo http://mydailyquizz.com/what-is-your-actual-religion-according-to-your-subconscious/
i think it, like every other quiz out there is bullshit.... not enough variables, not enough answers for each question...
what is my actual religion?
Life... we have but one, this is it.
we're done? we're done.
What we leave behind, in interactions... in legacy... in how we treat people... or at least how we attempt to treat people...
I got up, had coffee, was building bikes by 8:30am, paused to do some shopping and collect youngest kid from hair cut appointment that went 45 min longer than expected because she has so much hair, and back to bike shop.
Work.
Tomorrow not likely to be much different.
Puts last day off as July 4th and that day I was so wrecked I could barely function and I'm running that battery really low.
Next week is gonna be a shit show for sure. Probably gonna be driving every day. Anxiety and everything freaked about about dinner on tuesday... freaked out that between me and my oldest we're gonna rack up 30-40 on the bill and we're still gonna need to pay a couple hundred just to cover the four who've never ever wanted for anything.... I'm so freaked out and anxious i've started working on a bailout plan... i don't have a plan yet but i'm working on it... it would help if the weather is good and I can make smackdown and then somehow dramatically be so delayed that I can't join...
too much drama given the drama i'm going to walk into at work on Monday... at least the bikes aren't dramatic. They are in boxes, i put them together. One after another. just over 20 in boxes, some priority but mostly just build em, till there are none left to build. Happened all the time in PVD. Hasn't happened once at EP. Also I realized, it is only 10-12 min longer to ride to the shop than drive. Def gonna ride tomorrow.
Today was the first day off the bike in a while too.
Tired. very much so.
I would be pretty lonely if not for web log outlet. And I'm not sure that's a good thing.
But man do I respond well to just being with myself, alone...
But then, i really really get tired of being alone...
Being alone in the basement, at work, both works.
Today I was thinking about vacation... what would it take to actually take a break? It would take lifting an insane number of responsibilities.... it would take lifting all of the financial guilt of not doing anything and somehow would take a balance of others cooking for me but also cooking for myself.
AKA fucking mission impossible...
Maybe next year....
Zen, heddwch, peace, love, hugs...
def need more hugs, really really need more hugs, more contact, more physical connections, i need to be alone but the yin and yang are such that i need opposites equally, contact and isolation... fuck up the balance and shit's weird.
It is strange getting to this point in your life and realizing what it is what works and what doesn't.
Deano texted me a shot of his Barrington Coffee Roasters's espresso from today... memories of hundos past...
I have zero desire to ride a Hundo right now. Zero. Absolutely not anything I want to do. Negacoach was going on about Eddie B's book and training logs and everything and journals and I had the strongest aversion to it all. Fuck. That. Shit.
Don't get me wrong. I love riding. I love bikes. Bikes are pretty fucking awesome...
But maybe I've just burned out on the competitive side... fuck that shit. My best effort, everything working perfectly, still mediocre.
No desire to try to just get close enough to reach the mendoza line from the below. That's even factoring that I have longer arms than most...
i better stop writing before I did a bigger hole...
gonna have some more salad, maybe a couple more beers...
try to relax before getting up and going to work tomorrow....
heddwch
G
Friday, July 14, 2017
left work
only to come home and start working again....
why? not sure...
it is 7:20pm on a Friday and I'm scheduling shit for the week of the 24th...
and i've been going insane working on everything....
huge gains, this morning i was fucking lit just from awesomeness of how well shit worked the way it should have... that's a good thing btw.
now?
dejected, tired, still working... making a "make it work" dinner from stuff we have laying around because I haven't been shopping in a week or more... because I've been working...
and working...
and everyone is taking a vacation...
everyone...
except me...
I can't even fucking spend my birthday on my bike this year... which really isn't such a bad thing. After the last couple months I'm not sure I can survive spending a whole day on the bike anyway.
We're halfway through July and I'm currently scheduled until... hmm... MAY 2018...
FUCK YEAH
not quite that far out but, knowing i'm booked through into September, and then demo and other shit that month means October, but October is prep for install of the new million dollar scope in November. And then we have trainings and use back up until december and then into January and then I start teaching again....
A sucker was born in late august in the early 70s i guess. Tough being a selfless asshole. On one hand you can't complain because you're an asshole but you feel exploited because you're too selfless. Fuck them Catch 22s.
time to find some analog entertainment.
and find some lucky stars to hope i can ride the bike at least once or twice next week....
today was so good, but it is amazing how precarious shit is, tiny defect in the support struts and a slight imbalance leads to massive collapse.
aka right now...
fuck this roller coaster week...
there were beers in the fridge...
were...
heddwch
g
(I should probably find something other than Frank Turner to listen to tonight... maybe i'll switch to John Prine... wait that's just older but the same... fuck)
still working btw... all the while making dinner... only to get the text "the two of us are getting burgers on the way home"
that's a good one...
#beerme (i'm out)
why? not sure...
it is 7:20pm on a Friday and I'm scheduling shit for the week of the 24th...
and i've been going insane working on everything....
huge gains, this morning i was fucking lit just from awesomeness of how well shit worked the way it should have... that's a good thing btw.
now?
dejected, tired, still working... making a "make it work" dinner from stuff we have laying around because I haven't been shopping in a week or more... because I've been working...
and working...
and everyone is taking a vacation...
everyone...
except me...
I can't even fucking spend my birthday on my bike this year... which really isn't such a bad thing. After the last couple months I'm not sure I can survive spending a whole day on the bike anyway.
We're halfway through July and I'm currently scheduled until... hmm... MAY 2018...
FUCK YEAH
not quite that far out but, knowing i'm booked through into September, and then demo and other shit that month means October, but October is prep for install of the new million dollar scope in November. And then we have trainings and use back up until december and then into January and then I start teaching again....
A sucker was born in late august in the early 70s i guess. Tough being a selfless asshole. On one hand you can't complain because you're an asshole but you feel exploited because you're too selfless. Fuck them Catch 22s.
time to find some analog entertainment.
and find some lucky stars to hope i can ride the bike at least once or twice next week....
today was so good, but it is amazing how precarious shit is, tiny defect in the support struts and a slight imbalance leads to massive collapse.
aka right now...
fuck this roller coaster week...
there were beers in the fridge...
were...
heddwch
g
(I should probably find something other than Frank Turner to listen to tonight... maybe i'll switch to John Prine... wait that's just older but the same... fuck)
still working btw... all the while making dinner... only to get the text "the two of us are getting burgers on the way home"
that's a good one...
#beerme (i'm out)
Thursday, July 13, 2017
snowballed in a frozen wasteland
That's how the day was yesterday.
Started with the eye, built into the kit order stuff (which now was explained today as just a special order, only white kit only summer weight all because riding around here now it is nice to have that stuff). And I agree. But I don't need it and do need some new kit and the wording on the original email was not clear enough or indicated it at all in anyway. So it soured the morning.
Struggled the rest of the day.
Today's been better, but I didn't want the TT to happen and not have anything other than the 40# SSCX 1x1 here, so I rode the black blue, slapped the clip on fender on it and grabbed the HRM and the new shoes (wore the rain shoes just in case).
And looking at the radar now? It doesn't look so good, but maybe it will all blow over before the TT start and we'll be able to do it?
I'm gonna get wet on the ride home, or I'll dance between the showers. but we're probably not going to be doing the TT. Which is probably good, i don't think i'll be able to match last weeks time today. Maybe next week.
--
And TT is no go.
I should have ridden the single speed with the fenders after all. But then if i had ridden that they'd probably hold the TT and i'd be grumpy at myself. Now I'll just be wet.
And I can dry off easy enough.
okay back to working on laser problems and everything else that has been stressfully piling up....
heddwch
G
Started with the eye, built into the kit order stuff (which now was explained today as just a special order, only white kit only summer weight all because riding around here now it is nice to have that stuff). And I agree. But I don't need it and do need some new kit and the wording on the original email was not clear enough or indicated it at all in anyway. So it soured the morning.
Struggled the rest of the day.
Today's been better, but I didn't want the TT to happen and not have anything other than the 40# SSCX 1x1 here, so I rode the black blue, slapped the clip on fender on it and grabbed the HRM and the new shoes (wore the rain shoes just in case).
And looking at the radar now? It doesn't look so good, but maybe it will all blow over before the TT start and we'll be able to do it?
I'm gonna get wet on the ride home, or I'll dance between the showers. but we're probably not going to be doing the TT. Which is probably good, i don't think i'll be able to match last weeks time today. Maybe next week.
--
And TT is no go.
I should have ridden the single speed with the fenders after all. But then if i had ridden that they'd probably hold the TT and i'd be grumpy at myself. Now I'll just be wet.
And I can dry off easy enough.
okay back to working on laser problems and everything else that has been stressfully piling up....
heddwch
G
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
one of those days
You wake up, piss a couple times because you're trying to stay hydrated so your corneal scratch can heal but fuck that it still somehow despite special night time eye drops shit gets fucked up at 4am and you toss and turn until 5am, and then figure maybe I'll fall back asleep but at 5:20 figure, fuck this, I'm awake, let's get the day started.
Of course since i didn't do the shopping, different coffee was purchased, wrong coffee, weird coffee... not good.
But fine, still coffee. Coffee, is good, bad coffee is better than no coffee.
yesterday w/o coffee fucking sucked massively.
I had coffee, thanks to a gift card i've been saving for days like this for years. Good thing they don't expire in RI.
Today? on the bike before 7am, building special orders and getting to the picture factory only a few minutes late-ish.... walking into a maelstrom.
Brief pause with an awkward training session, fucking laser bullshit, this bullshit, more stuff... fucking frustrating...
i'm not a fan of authoritarian bullshit, esp when it is needless and counter-productive. but it never seems to be to the one making all the authoritarian fucking decisions.
I don't want some paper thin summer weight bullshit kit that costs 40% more than the normal stuff I need to replace.
Fuck the Rapha discount code gets me their base line shorts for less than the stupid paper thin pro shit, and for that matter I can order either Pearl Izumi or Bontrager at EP pricing, so i can get two pair of fucking pro-level awesome black shorts for the cost of some stupid shitty thin summer bullshit bibs that make some Dr's dick feel awesome.
But hey, fuck this shit, so tired of it all.
Been doing the books for this fucking club for how many years? For nothing, NOTHING.
I don't even have the mojo to race CX, much less to give a shit about CX. I mean FUCK that shit... never given me anything but heartache.
Maybe i need to just grow up and stick to being a fat slow commuter, what's the point of doing anything else.
Tomorrow maybe i'll feel better but today? Yeah fuck this.
Gimme a beer,
Oh hey, btw, if you haven't noticed this summer has fucking SUCKED.
Oh and hey, BTW, vacation? Director was sharing how much work it is to get ready for a vacation... uh, yeah, dude, you've no idea. The amount of hell i went through just to take a thursday and friday off to fly to OR to evaluate the new scope? No wonder I have weeks of vacation built up. And no wonder boss guy that you'll find me in my office on a day i have requested (and have gotten approval for) as a day off.
I think maybe my first tattoo should be big letters saying not 'sucker' but an ode to Marx and "PROLETARIAT"
bad mood, but like chip says this is more journal than PR shit, esp since I ain't trying to rep no one sponsoring my kit or bike... kind of got emotionally destroyed with every thing involved with all that... Worked out? nope.
Work through it? Yep.
I'll get through it.
Like flying across the country in the summer, ain't no fucking way you're going to totally avoid turbulence, unless you're a blessed motherfucker.
Turbulence...
When I was a kid it made me sick and freaked me out.
Now? Meh, kind of look forward to the ones where your stomach drops and you reach zero G in a commercial aircraft. Anything less is just what it is....meh... This is pretty good turbulence, but i still somehow trust the pilot, guidance is good, heading is good, lets ride this shit out.
So far no emergency landing...
not really sure how to dissipate today's anger.
I'm not fast or fit enough on the bike to be effective that way... maybe i should meditate... or play candy crush or something mindlessly placating.... too late to start watching a movie and still face the shitstorm tomorrow is going to be...
I'm backspacing and deleting 10x more words than I'm actually approving and allowing to sit here in the screen.
Tomorrow morning i might delete the whole fucking mess...
but at least Erin mentioned tonight that I seem to be struggling more than usual lately.
DING DING DING DING...
esp this week...
moving through...
turbulence...
it ain't that bad, only 25% of the passengers are puking and freaked out...
it is fine, just fine...
i have new shoes... if it ever stops raining i may actually sort out the insole side of things, i did finally get the cleats set up properly....
new shoes don't equal motivation btw... no matter how shiny they are.
fuck
but still
heddwch
G
Of course since i didn't do the shopping, different coffee was purchased, wrong coffee, weird coffee... not good.
But fine, still coffee. Coffee, is good, bad coffee is better than no coffee.
yesterday w/o coffee fucking sucked massively.
I had coffee, thanks to a gift card i've been saving for days like this for years. Good thing they don't expire in RI.
Today? on the bike before 7am, building special orders and getting to the picture factory only a few minutes late-ish.... walking into a maelstrom.
Brief pause with an awkward training session, fucking laser bullshit, this bullshit, more stuff... fucking frustrating...
i'm not a fan of authoritarian bullshit, esp when it is needless and counter-productive. but it never seems to be to the one making all the authoritarian fucking decisions.
I don't want some paper thin summer weight bullshit kit that costs 40% more than the normal stuff I need to replace.
Fuck the Rapha discount code gets me their base line shorts for less than the stupid paper thin pro shit, and for that matter I can order either Pearl Izumi or Bontrager at EP pricing, so i can get two pair of fucking pro-level awesome black shorts for the cost of some stupid shitty thin summer bullshit bibs that make some Dr's dick feel awesome.
But hey, fuck this shit, so tired of it all.
Been doing the books for this fucking club for how many years? For nothing, NOTHING.
I don't even have the mojo to race CX, much less to give a shit about CX. I mean FUCK that shit... never given me anything but heartache.
Maybe i need to just grow up and stick to being a fat slow commuter, what's the point of doing anything else.
Tomorrow maybe i'll feel better but today? Yeah fuck this.
Gimme a beer,
Oh hey, btw, if you haven't noticed this summer has fucking SUCKED.
Oh and hey, BTW, vacation? Director was sharing how much work it is to get ready for a vacation... uh, yeah, dude, you've no idea. The amount of hell i went through just to take a thursday and friday off to fly to OR to evaluate the new scope? No wonder I have weeks of vacation built up. And no wonder boss guy that you'll find me in my office on a day i have requested (and have gotten approval for) as a day off.
I think maybe my first tattoo should be big letters saying not 'sucker' but an ode to Marx and "PROLETARIAT"
bad mood, but like chip says this is more journal than PR shit, esp since I ain't trying to rep no one sponsoring my kit or bike... kind of got emotionally destroyed with every thing involved with all that... Worked out? nope.
Work through it? Yep.
I'll get through it.
Like flying across the country in the summer, ain't no fucking way you're going to totally avoid turbulence, unless you're a blessed motherfucker.
Turbulence...
When I was a kid it made me sick and freaked me out.
Now? Meh, kind of look forward to the ones where your stomach drops and you reach zero G in a commercial aircraft. Anything less is just what it is....meh... This is pretty good turbulence, but i still somehow trust the pilot, guidance is good, heading is good, lets ride this shit out.
So far no emergency landing...
not really sure how to dissipate today's anger.
I'm not fast or fit enough on the bike to be effective that way... maybe i should meditate... or play candy crush or something mindlessly placating.... too late to start watching a movie and still face the shitstorm tomorrow is going to be...
I'm backspacing and deleting 10x more words than I'm actually approving and allowing to sit here in the screen.
Tomorrow morning i might delete the whole fucking mess...
but at least Erin mentioned tonight that I seem to be struggling more than usual lately.
DING DING DING DING...
esp this week...
moving through...
turbulence...
it ain't that bad, only 25% of the passengers are puking and freaked out...
it is fine, just fine...
i have new shoes... if it ever stops raining i may actually sort out the insole side of things, i did finally get the cleats set up properly....
new shoes don't equal motivation btw... no matter how shiny they are.
fuck
but still
heddwch
G
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
made it to a smack down...
made it hanging on to the group until Prospect.
got dropped on the turn onto Prospect.
Fuller got popped too, drifted back, but then he dropped me on Jacob/Broad, he caught them on Pine, they chilled then dropped him.
Wetters was late, rode to Pine via Read, rode backwards, only found me. His jetlag and 2 weeks off the bike were enough to just be nice to ride and he rode with my slow butt tonight.
Not sure it was my slowest ever loop, but if not it was pretty damn close to it.
I lead through the bridge closure and on 152 over to woodward. I was pushing it hard PRE was a 4 out of 5 and I looked down and I was doing 21 mph. Fuuuuuuuuuuck
Couple years ago I was doing 30+ on this section with Bailey with the same PRE.
Strava speaks for itself.
I was TOTALLY dead on the way home too.
And so what. Right now the only racing i'm likely to do is a random SSCX race, lining up in the back, stopping for beer feeds and maybe if lucky staying on the lead lap. Doesn't sound too bad to me.
Race with the masters? Nope. Not a chance at this point. Not race CX? HOLY SHIT IS THAT POSSIBLE?
yup....
no team, no pressure, no shits given, no motivation.
Motivation to race for someone was good, race for myself? not bad, but results suck and I'm terrible at valuing the return on investment, where as when I'm racing for someone else it is easy to rep for them, do the right things, for myself? No one gives a shit. Or they give a shit but it is just me and I get nothing if they give a shit or not.
Yes, i'm oddly extrinsically motivated.
No extrinsic motivation right now/ Zero.
not even my fancy new shoes are motivating enough to get me to pedal harder.
Thursday after the TT I was all jazzed about getting the Paramount back. Dusting the cobwebs off. Even this morning I was thinking about ways to more securely affix the disc cover rear wheel. After smackdown? Current feeling is I might as well ride the same bike, and see if I can better the time.
We'll see if the weather is favorable this week.
Almost looking at the year of CX as "the only way i'll be there is if someone needs to hire a mechanic"
anyway, it isn't a bad or negative frame of reference, it is cool... i'm oddly at peace with it. Want the Orange jumpsuit at a CX race this year? find someone who has cash for a mechanic...
Soccer drama just launched up another notch. But yeah -it is about money. I'll just make sure i get up and out of the house early tomorrow and build more bikes. I'd better have an extra beer to give me energy tomorrow....
heddwch
g
oh yeah BTW... checked twitter today, we're fucked, so fucked, half the people are bubbly and oblivious and the other half are posting the most disturbing political and societal shit....not sure which is worse, i think the happy bubbly fuckers honestly.... but the futility of those posting the dreadful news of the fucking elephant party aren't much better...
And facebook ain't no party either....
got dropped on the turn onto Prospect.
Fuller got popped too, drifted back, but then he dropped me on Jacob/Broad, he caught them on Pine, they chilled then dropped him.
Wetters was late, rode to Pine via Read, rode backwards, only found me. His jetlag and 2 weeks off the bike were enough to just be nice to ride and he rode with my slow butt tonight.
Not sure it was my slowest ever loop, but if not it was pretty damn close to it.
I lead through the bridge closure and on 152 over to woodward. I was pushing it hard PRE was a 4 out of 5 and I looked down and I was doing 21 mph. Fuuuuuuuuuuck
Couple years ago I was doing 30+ on this section with Bailey with the same PRE.
Strava speaks for itself.
I was TOTALLY dead on the way home too.
And so what. Right now the only racing i'm likely to do is a random SSCX race, lining up in the back, stopping for beer feeds and maybe if lucky staying on the lead lap. Doesn't sound too bad to me.
Race with the masters? Nope. Not a chance at this point. Not race CX? HOLY SHIT IS THAT POSSIBLE?
yup....
no team, no pressure, no shits given, no motivation.
Motivation to race for someone was good, race for myself? not bad, but results suck and I'm terrible at valuing the return on investment, where as when I'm racing for someone else it is easy to rep for them, do the right things, for myself? No one gives a shit. Or they give a shit but it is just me and I get nothing if they give a shit or not.
Yes, i'm oddly extrinsically motivated.
No extrinsic motivation right now/ Zero.
not even my fancy new shoes are motivating enough to get me to pedal harder.
Thursday after the TT I was all jazzed about getting the Paramount back. Dusting the cobwebs off. Even this morning I was thinking about ways to more securely affix the disc cover rear wheel. After smackdown? Current feeling is I might as well ride the same bike, and see if I can better the time.
We'll see if the weather is favorable this week.
Almost looking at the year of CX as "the only way i'll be there is if someone needs to hire a mechanic"
anyway, it isn't a bad or negative frame of reference, it is cool... i'm oddly at peace with it. Want the Orange jumpsuit at a CX race this year? find someone who has cash for a mechanic...
Soccer drama just launched up another notch. But yeah -it is about money. I'll just make sure i get up and out of the house early tomorrow and build more bikes. I'd better have an extra beer to give me energy tomorrow....
heddwch
g
oh yeah BTW... checked twitter today, we're fucked, so fucked, half the people are bubbly and oblivious and the other half are posting the most disturbing political and societal shit....not sure which is worse, i think the happy bubbly fuckers honestly.... but the futility of those posting the dreadful news of the fucking elephant party aren't much better...
And facebook ain't no party either....
Sunday, July 09, 2017
Sunday reflections....
crazy day...
or less than crazy and just normal?
Finally talked to my dad. He says things are good, doesn't need to see his PCP for a while because he's doing so well on the current meds.
He's also proud and impressed with himself that he's been able to take care of himself lately. Pretty good words from a 78.5 year old dude who's more or less been taken care of his whole life.
Attempted to talk to brothers to get unfiltered view while they were there... no dice...
little sister's birthday is today, 35 years ago started 8+ years of me constantly taking care of her, then I went to college.
No, i didn't call her, if she feels the way she does about other's birthdays, or at least mine, then well... they aren't big moments in life so i don't feel too bad.
Yeah.
I carry all the scars.
Healing? yes, or no, or yes they are healed but visible and like people asking, occasions of their happening are kind of unavoidable.
Was thinking a lot about closure today while very fucking slowly, frustratingly so, building bikes... shit i barely made any money today... Closure... que weekend trigger. At least Al kicked some fucking ass on Mt Washington. Wish I could be happier about it, scars. Fuck them.
Won't hurt so much tomorrow.
Worst part working in a bike shop? Everyone talking about their next bike, ordering their next bike, selling their old bike... I had Jay pick up my Surly today... I said hey, pick this up, this is my bike... he was shocked "Are those tubes full or lead?" yeah no but it drives like a dream, heavy as hell (like me)...
Everyone at the party last night "dude the new 140mm front and rear travel MTB is LIFE CHANGING" that's awesome wacko... i have no FOMO because I don't have time to ride MTBs... seriously. no time.
No time to ride other stuff.
Yeah end of day. I woke up at 6:30 when E got up to head to BOS to pick up her friend and go do a 5k, because her friend was in Boston today (she's a pilot not based here). Was awake until about 7am, then woke up at 11am. WTF? DUDE holy shit i was/am/still am/ridiculously so tired. Like if I was to stop drinking coffee I'd need to take two weeks off just to sleep before being functional. Assuming i could survive the headaches... from past experience it takes 2-3 weeks of tapering to avoid the headaches and lots of naps and then even then still exhausted all the time.
Hmmm...
yeah I ain't got that time now! I did in 2008 prep'n for 24HOGG, great, another Mt Washington trigger.
talked to one brother for a bit more tonight, was good. He supported my rational for not calling and saying HB... also filled in some details.
And I reminded him to put his cubed potatoes into some cold water before adding them to the clam chowder he's making (someone dropped off 40-60#s of clams the other day) he cooked them already, now just using some of them for chowder....
got a solid email from a friend tonight, meant a lot to get it...
weather looking shitty for the next week for TT and smackdown, but hopes that it will be clear enough?... well I hope it is because I kind of am ready to add a bit of pedaling stress... beyond what is required to make that fucking Surly tank move. Seriously. most old schwinns aren't this heavy, a 3 sp coaster bike is probably lighter than this thing... but it isn't about the bike.
seriously, it isn't.
I've got good bikes, i need time, maybe I'll find time soon to make it all right again with the fleet.
I don't need new bikes. just a few bits here or there.
And that's a good thing...
because I can manage the few bits, and progress... I am managing it and making changes and those changes are good... tangible...
most shit isn't, most shit is stuff I can't do anything about... so if I complain about bikes, at least know that's shit i can fix easily... at least after I get through stuff I'm struggling with that no one else can help with...
i'm going to sleep maybe, at least gonna unplug for the night.... tomorrow starts another hellish week... high expectations, low compensations...
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a flat screen color TV?
my friends all have 60"s
i'm stuck with a CRT.....
But oddly current ear worm that takes over even than is
"The day that D'arcy's drunken donkey won the race at Donegal"
good song, it was what popped into my head pedaling to and from the shop today....
time to shut this shit off...
if you're lucky enough to read it before I edit it tomorrow? Prop's and lemme know...
the vacuum is quiet, but not deafeningly so due to three friends...
Oh and if you know someone looking for a carbon Trek Emonda... I can make you a killer deal on some 2017s... (not free, need money but still... FYI)
heddwch
G
or less than crazy and just normal?
Finally talked to my dad. He says things are good, doesn't need to see his PCP for a while because he's doing so well on the current meds.
He's also proud and impressed with himself that he's been able to take care of himself lately. Pretty good words from a 78.5 year old dude who's more or less been taken care of his whole life.
Attempted to talk to brothers to get unfiltered view while they were there... no dice...
little sister's birthday is today, 35 years ago started 8+ years of me constantly taking care of her, then I went to college.
No, i didn't call her, if she feels the way she does about other's birthdays, or at least mine, then well... they aren't big moments in life so i don't feel too bad.
Yeah.
I carry all the scars.
Healing? yes, or no, or yes they are healed but visible and like people asking, occasions of their happening are kind of unavoidable.
Was thinking a lot about closure today while very fucking slowly, frustratingly so, building bikes... shit i barely made any money today... Closure... que weekend trigger. At least Al kicked some fucking ass on Mt Washington. Wish I could be happier about it, scars. Fuck them.
Won't hurt so much tomorrow.
Worst part working in a bike shop? Everyone talking about their next bike, ordering their next bike, selling their old bike... I had Jay pick up my Surly today... I said hey, pick this up, this is my bike... he was shocked "Are those tubes full or lead?" yeah no but it drives like a dream, heavy as hell (like me)...
Everyone at the party last night "dude the new 140mm front and rear travel MTB is LIFE CHANGING" that's awesome wacko... i have no FOMO because I don't have time to ride MTBs... seriously. no time.
No time to ride other stuff.
Yeah end of day. I woke up at 6:30 when E got up to head to BOS to pick up her friend and go do a 5k, because her friend was in Boston today (she's a pilot not based here). Was awake until about 7am, then woke up at 11am. WTF? DUDE holy shit i was/am/still am/ridiculously so tired. Like if I was to stop drinking coffee I'd need to take two weeks off just to sleep before being functional. Assuming i could survive the headaches... from past experience it takes 2-3 weeks of tapering to avoid the headaches and lots of naps and then even then still exhausted all the time.
Hmmm...
yeah I ain't got that time now! I did in 2008 prep'n for 24HOGG, great, another Mt Washington trigger.
talked to one brother for a bit more tonight, was good. He supported my rational for not calling and saying HB... also filled in some details.
And I reminded him to put his cubed potatoes into some cold water before adding them to the clam chowder he's making (someone dropped off 40-60#s of clams the other day) he cooked them already, now just using some of them for chowder....
got a solid email from a friend tonight, meant a lot to get it...
weather looking shitty for the next week for TT and smackdown, but hopes that it will be clear enough?... well I hope it is because I kind of am ready to add a bit of pedaling stress... beyond what is required to make that fucking Surly tank move. Seriously. most old schwinns aren't this heavy, a 3 sp coaster bike is probably lighter than this thing... but it isn't about the bike.
seriously, it isn't.
I've got good bikes, i need time, maybe I'll find time soon to make it all right again with the fleet.
I don't need new bikes. just a few bits here or there.
And that's a good thing...
because I can manage the few bits, and progress... I am managing it and making changes and those changes are good... tangible...
most shit isn't, most shit is stuff I can't do anything about... so if I complain about bikes, at least know that's shit i can fix easily... at least after I get through stuff I'm struggling with that no one else can help with...
i'm going to sleep maybe, at least gonna unplug for the night.... tomorrow starts another hellish week... high expectations, low compensations...
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a flat screen color TV?
my friends all have 60"s
i'm stuck with a CRT.....
But oddly current ear worm that takes over even than is
"The day that D'arcy's drunken donkey won the race at Donegal"
good song, it was what popped into my head pedaling to and from the shop today....
time to shut this shit off...
if you're lucky enough to read it before I edit it tomorrow? Prop's and lemme know...
the vacuum is quiet, but not deafeningly so due to three friends...
Oh and if you know someone looking for a carbon Trek Emonda... I can make you a killer deal on some 2017s... (not free, need money but still... FYI)
heddwch
G
Saturday, July 08, 2017
morning coffee
re-aggravating the corneal scratch at 2am is fun, putting eye drops in, laying down, in the dark is a bit of a challenge. Then being wide the fuck awake from 4 am until 5:30 and falling soundly asleep only to wake up way later than you'd planned to get up.
Coffee #2 right now.
Re-read the post last night. Made a few edits. Not many. It still stands the way it was written.
I really don't have time to write this morning but I figured if i'm in a neutral to slightly positive mood that would be better to leave words in that frame up here first.
Still haven't finished fixing the Van's front tire. It lost a plug, out of the 8 plugs in those tires losing one? Yeah should probably just get new tires. I got the plug in before it lost all the air, but a bit too low to drive on. Current plan is to take it off, get it over to gas station with air inflator thing (My floor pump doesn't work with the TPMS valves) or buy a compressor (really should just do that) and then put it on the rear. The plug is in the shoulder, guessing the turning was stressing it and popped it out (or in). Tires need to be rotated anyway. Getting new rubber for the winter. At least we have two cars and currently can manage with just one.
Then there's all the rest on top of it all. Still need to do spark plugs and a accessory belt and oil change, maybe air filter too, probably brake fluid flush and then given how the Power steering pump sounds in the winter a shade tree fluid flush, the chryslers tend to sheer the fluid and make that distinctive sound. Other car needs an oil change too. Bikes need work. And maybe I'm going to ride?
When I have time lately I'm so fucking tired, mentally and physically that I'm kind of a useless lazy lump.
But I will catch up. And will look at starting to block off a couple days at a time in the coming weeks. Unfortunately likely not next week.
But now I'm burning into my building time.
Time to get on the bike and ride.... to the shop.
heddwch
G
Coffee #2 right now.
Re-read the post last night. Made a few edits. Not many. It still stands the way it was written.
I really don't have time to write this morning but I figured if i'm in a neutral to slightly positive mood that would be better to leave words in that frame up here first.
Still haven't finished fixing the Van's front tire. It lost a plug, out of the 8 plugs in those tires losing one? Yeah should probably just get new tires. I got the plug in before it lost all the air, but a bit too low to drive on. Current plan is to take it off, get it over to gas station with air inflator thing (My floor pump doesn't work with the TPMS valves) or buy a compressor (really should just do that) and then put it on the rear. The plug is in the shoulder, guessing the turning was stressing it and popped it out (or in). Tires need to be rotated anyway. Getting new rubber for the winter. At least we have two cars and currently can manage with just one.
Then there's all the rest on top of it all. Still need to do spark plugs and a accessory belt and oil change, maybe air filter too, probably brake fluid flush and then given how the Power steering pump sounds in the winter a shade tree fluid flush, the chryslers tend to sheer the fluid and make that distinctive sound. Other car needs an oil change too. Bikes need work. And maybe I'm going to ride?
When I have time lately I'm so fucking tired, mentally and physically that I'm kind of a useless lazy lump.
But I will catch up. And will look at starting to block off a couple days at a time in the coming weeks. Unfortunately likely not next week.
But now I'm burning into my building time.
Time to get on the bike and ride.... to the shop.
heddwch
G
Friday, July 07, 2017
single digits are the best
so far current count is less than 10 for the last dozen posts...
assuming the google page view tally is right but... that's okay with me
I need to write about the TT. Post TT glow was awesome, invigorated and energized and then on the ride home that orlando dude (in the see through white columbia speed suit on a bike with the deep section wheels he uses to pass people on the shoulder with on smackdowns after missing the start of the ride meeting about how shit will be run) decides to half wheel the guy who's got a brain but that it turns off when he's pedaling, and suddenly we're riding home from the TT at 30 MPH....
um... nope
at least I had company..
I've managed to transition from one of the best frames of mind and happy places i've felt in very long time (months if not a year or more) into fuck all this shit bullshit pissed off tired dejected and useless in a span of less than 24hrs.
that ride home was not part of the transition, the ride home was awesome.
Introducing a new rider who had the same reaction as some Amy D ride at the first rehoboth TT, that was gratifying.
having everything go fucking pear shaped and me feeling even more tired than I did on the 4th? not good.
The list of shit on the plate i've gotta deal with is insane. I'm tired. Day off? nope. Everyone's taking a week or two... i'm looking at nonstop still.... i've taken a day here, a day there, two over there maybe but usually only because I'm working somewhere else. Trying to feed/fuel on the positive.... working somewhat. But the unexpected is just that.
Unexpected reconnection with friends then suddenly they are off hanging with people that juts thinking about them cause severe PTSD... there's emotional trauma that is as bad as physical BTW.
Today's trigger was someone traveling from the west coast here and then being unable to go to work the next day because they were so exhausted... and me thinking about 2013 flying back... red eye, no sleep on the plane, got to work early, worked till lunch, unable to sleep the next night. Yeah, traveling from the west coast to the east coast is tough. And yeah, i've been doing it since 1980. You do the fucking math.
FWIW, it is NEVER worth taking a red eye flight from the west coast to the east coast. Never.
Don't do it, or at least don't plan on being productive afterwards unless you're not tired when you get on the plane but that's maybe my problem. Rarely and esp after Seattle Concerts am i not tired.
TT? I was slow. Bike was slow, I was doing okay and keeping it in the 22-24 mph avg range going onto reynolds and then 18... fuck me, come on legs.... Did the whole Obree breathing thing (it helped) but that bike ain't fast... and neither am I. But I had fun and it was well worth the $5 price of admission....
Before I rode in this morning I was ready to go, time to start training. Today? Fuck, I'm tired. Ride home? HOLY SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT....
Rolling along the route, the wave of familiarity washed. I know these roads, the bumps, what's coming next, where to look up, where to put your head down, when to pedal, when to coast.
Another point came up, you can ride this course two ways, with brute force or with brains. I've only ever had the latter and that's even a stretch. I've had brilliant advice drilled into me, and somehow managed to leverage it when I was fast. The brute force guys seem to approach the TT very differently. Makes me wonder, if they rode it as smart as I did, they'd fucking KILL IT. I have no watts, just momentum and well adjusted bearings, and really shitty equipment.
I'm personally fascinated as to how amazingly shit turned from dark to light and wonderful back to dark again...
Aint no time to dwell... dinner is close to being ready, got it going between words...
Tomorrow gotta long list of stuff to tick off...
sunday the same, monday, yeah that too, oh tuesday? totally booked, wed? shit yeah that too... thursday? well I'm sure Monday will fuck thursday, friday's already giving me the finger and that leads us into Saturday without any time to catch up on mid-week deliveries at the shop and well... lets start this all over again.
keeping busy...
at least there is that...
keeping everyone else afloat...
maybe i'll go to Colorado at the end of September and totally put a red hot brand on not racing CX this year at all... Because that's what it is looking like....
I told you shit wasn't good in this instantaneous moment...
but i know i'll keep putting one foot infront of the other and doing what I can...
some day maybe it'll work out...
heddwch
G
assuming the google page view tally is right but... that's okay with me
I need to write about the TT. Post TT glow was awesome, invigorated and energized and then on the ride home that orlando dude (in the see through white columbia speed suit on a bike with the deep section wheels he uses to pass people on the shoulder with on smackdowns after missing the start of the ride meeting about how shit will be run) decides to half wheel the guy who's got a brain but that it turns off when he's pedaling, and suddenly we're riding home from the TT at 30 MPH....
um... nope
at least I had company..
I've managed to transition from one of the best frames of mind and happy places i've felt in very long time (months if not a year or more) into fuck all this shit bullshit pissed off tired dejected and useless in a span of less than 24hrs.
that ride home was not part of the transition, the ride home was awesome.
Introducing a new rider who had the same reaction as some Amy D ride at the first rehoboth TT, that was gratifying.
having everything go fucking pear shaped and me feeling even more tired than I did on the 4th? not good.
The list of shit on the plate i've gotta deal with is insane. I'm tired. Day off? nope. Everyone's taking a week or two... i'm looking at nonstop still.... i've taken a day here, a day there, two over there maybe but usually only because I'm working somewhere else. Trying to feed/fuel on the positive.... working somewhat. But the unexpected is just that.
Unexpected reconnection with friends then suddenly they are off hanging with people that juts thinking about them cause severe PTSD... there's emotional trauma that is as bad as physical BTW.
Today's trigger was someone traveling from the west coast here and then being unable to go to work the next day because they were so exhausted... and me thinking about 2013 flying back... red eye, no sleep on the plane, got to work early, worked till lunch, unable to sleep the next night. Yeah, traveling from the west coast to the east coast is tough. And yeah, i've been doing it since 1980. You do the fucking math.
FWIW, it is NEVER worth taking a red eye flight from the west coast to the east coast. Never.
Don't do it, or at least don't plan on being productive afterwards unless you're not tired when you get on the plane but that's maybe my problem. Rarely and esp after Seattle Concerts am i not tired.
TT? I was slow. Bike was slow, I was doing okay and keeping it in the 22-24 mph avg range going onto reynolds and then 18... fuck me, come on legs.... Did the whole Obree breathing thing (it helped) but that bike ain't fast... and neither am I. But I had fun and it was well worth the $5 price of admission....
Before I rode in this morning I was ready to go, time to start training. Today? Fuck, I'm tired. Ride home? HOLY SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT....
Rolling along the route, the wave of familiarity washed. I know these roads, the bumps, what's coming next, where to look up, where to put your head down, when to pedal, when to coast.
Another point came up, you can ride this course two ways, with brute force or with brains. I've only ever had the latter and that's even a stretch. I've had brilliant advice drilled into me, and somehow managed to leverage it when I was fast. The brute force guys seem to approach the TT very differently. Makes me wonder, if they rode it as smart as I did, they'd fucking KILL IT. I have no watts, just momentum and well adjusted bearings, and really shitty equipment.
I'm personally fascinated as to how amazingly shit turned from dark to light and wonderful back to dark again...
Aint no time to dwell... dinner is close to being ready, got it going between words...
Tomorrow gotta long list of stuff to tick off...
sunday the same, monday, yeah that too, oh tuesday? totally booked, wed? shit yeah that too... thursday? well I'm sure Monday will fuck thursday, friday's already giving me the finger and that leads us into Saturday without any time to catch up on mid-week deliveries at the shop and well... lets start this all over again.
keeping busy...
at least there is that...
keeping everyone else afloat...
maybe i'll go to Colorado at the end of September and totally put a red hot brand on not racing CX this year at all... Because that's what it is looking like....
I told you shit wasn't good in this instantaneous moment...
but i know i'll keep putting one foot infront of the other and doing what I can...
some day maybe it'll work out...
heddwch
G
Tuesday, July 04, 2017
strangeness
Strangeness eh? Yeah is odd, how does one figure it all out or then give up trying to figure it out and then shit falls into place?
That whole one foot in front of the other? The forest of darkness can’t last forever as long as you keep your bearings and keep going. Lose your bearings or give up and then the darkness consumes you. Keep going, in the face of everything, always keep going, because. That’s what.
I mean specifically it has been pretty dark, but lately, following the bearings, weathering the darkness… it feels so much better right now.
I hate to say it that I might have been happy. Yesterday was a great day, unexpected trip up to Gillette was close to undermining it but an extra IPA at home was a solid compensator. In spite of the frustration with the corneal scratch things have been, well, getting better and better. Still tons of stuff that I need to resolve, gotta call Uncle Tommy in MI, gotta call my Dad. Could call now, but it is 8:30pm and i’m a couple beers in and super fucking tired. Brain barely functional enough to write words.
I hate to say it that I might have been happy. Yesterday was a great day, unexpected trip up to Gillette was close to undermining it but an extra IPA at home was a solid compensator. In spite of the frustration with the corneal scratch things have been, well, getting better and better. Still tons of stuff that I need to resolve, gotta call Uncle Tommy in MI, gotta call my Dad. Could call now, but it is 8:30pm and i’m a couple beers in and super fucking tired. Brain barely functional enough to write words.
This was started last night at GIllette stadium, not THAT much time to write after walking back to the car during a 10k. Trying to finish now, while having a beer. This keeps me from bugging friends or jumping into shit on Twitter.
Naps today, I took a nap or two. So Fucking TIRED. But only in exhausted not the other possible way to be tired. Skipped the party, but still made the coleslaw. I got done making it and just kind of shut down. In light of what I’m facing going back to the picture factory the next three days (double and triple trainings and I’m usually wrecked with one, this will be fun).
The prospect of talking to people and being at a party, no matter the food or beverage right now felt way too overwhelming.
And of course the booms have started and the little pig dog is terrified and shaking in the bathroom. if she could find a sound proof box to hide in she would. Poor little puppy. I take breaks and go console her….
I’m still no closer to feeling motivated enough to carve out time to actually train and attempt to get faster. I’d get the paramount all ready but I stole the seatpost out of that to make the SSCX Surly 1x1 rideable. And the rear disc cover has pretty much completely fallen apart. It is held together with duct tape, and not very well at this point. Good by aero. But the distance and the effort isn’t terrible. Going at it cannibal style probably is pretty much good enough. the Aero advantage is completely wasted on me at this point. We’ll see if I can get a bike together for it by Thursday morning when I have to ride in.
Could be working on that right now but def not feeling it. at all. back to the tired thing. But satisfaction level is higher than in a very long time. So meh, it is what it is. At least I’m still riding and riding the SSCX means I’m always being challenged if not at high cadences at least at low cadences so strength has to be maintained just to make it to work. It isn’t the worst way to baseline it all.
Esp since the bike weighs 40 pounds. Shit maybe I should just TT on that thing. Maybe there’ll be a SS canibal fendered commuter category. #jokes.
ok, we’ll see what happens with the TT. No smackdown this week, maybe I’ll make it back out for next week. We’ll see what the throw of the dice brings.
heddwch
G
what better on the 4th than food
and hell it is hot enough might as well make some cool coleslaw...
I've put up a recipe before.... here's today's iteration
Finely slice (first in half and then from tip to roots so you have ribbons) 1 large vidalia (or other sweet or not sweet onion).
Put sliced onions in cold water, rinse and drain a handful of times while you finely chop (yes motherfuckers chop this shit yourself, get a knife and just fucking do it)
while you finely slice up on large head of cabbage.
head of cabbage goes in bowl. some salt, and today I actually poured about 1/2 cup of Grillo's Pickle juice in there as extra brine/flavor.
massage and toss well (with your hands)
peel and then grate 4 large carrots into the cabbage.
finely julienne one cubanelle pepper and then cut into about matchstick lengths.
now drain the onions and squeeze as much liquid out of them as you can and toss it in the big bowl you have everything else in. Yeah you'll need a big bowl for this recipe.
Massage it all together, a couple times, get the salt and bring and ingredients all well integrated....
dust the top of the veg with some celery seed (more if you really like it, less if not but always need just a tiny bit IMHO).
That can sit for now, or for days in the fridge before dressing it. Or you dress it NOW and do the same. shit, like i've said before, will keep for weeks in the fridge, but it won't last more than a couple days.
Dressing? Lots of variations here, but I really prefer the vinaigrette style slaw. that creamy shit just doesn't do it for me, far too sweet and yucky... and this way you can make all your vegan friends love you.... and proudly serve a gluten free dish....
which is all dumb, food has to taste good first, plenty fit into those two categories w/o needing the label, and yes i'm not disrespecting those who chose either of those two particular lifestyles, duh, just yeah i dunno what i'm doing.
Dressing: 1 tablespoon of some german mustard, 1/2 teaspoon of mustard powder, some balsalmic, rice wine and apple cider vinegar, close to equal portions totalling between 1/2 and 2/3 of a cup. Shake well (i use jars I have for this purpose). Then I double the vinegar volume plus a bit more using some extra virgin olive oil. Shake the heck out of it, dump it all on the coleslaw.
Mix well.
Let it sit, then enjoy.
heddwch
G
I've put up a recipe before.... here's today's iteration
Finely slice (first in half and then from tip to roots so you have ribbons) 1 large vidalia (or other sweet or not sweet onion).
Put sliced onions in cold water, rinse and drain a handful of times while you finely chop (yes motherfuckers chop this shit yourself, get a knife and just fucking do it)
while you finely slice up on large head of cabbage.
head of cabbage goes in bowl. some salt, and today I actually poured about 1/2 cup of Grillo's Pickle juice in there as extra brine/flavor.
massage and toss well (with your hands)
peel and then grate 4 large carrots into the cabbage.
finely julienne one cubanelle pepper and then cut into about matchstick lengths.
now drain the onions and squeeze as much liquid out of them as you can and toss it in the big bowl you have everything else in. Yeah you'll need a big bowl for this recipe.
Massage it all together, a couple times, get the salt and bring and ingredients all well integrated....
dust the top of the veg with some celery seed (more if you really like it, less if not but always need just a tiny bit IMHO).
That can sit for now, or for days in the fridge before dressing it. Or you dress it NOW and do the same. shit, like i've said before, will keep for weeks in the fridge, but it won't last more than a couple days.
Dressing? Lots of variations here, but I really prefer the vinaigrette style slaw. that creamy shit just doesn't do it for me, far too sweet and yucky... and this way you can make all your vegan friends love you.... and proudly serve a gluten free dish....
which is all dumb, food has to taste good first, plenty fit into those two categories w/o needing the label, and yes i'm not disrespecting those who chose either of those two particular lifestyles, duh, just yeah i dunno what i'm doing.
Dressing: 1 tablespoon of some german mustard, 1/2 teaspoon of mustard powder, some balsalmic, rice wine and apple cider vinegar, close to equal portions totalling between 1/2 and 2/3 of a cup. Shake well (i use jars I have for this purpose). Then I double the vinegar volume plus a bit more using some extra virgin olive oil. Shake the heck out of it, dump it all on the coleslaw.
Mix well.
Let it sit, then enjoy.
heddwch
G
Friday, June 30, 2017
three
curious number eh?
heck i barely broke 4 hours for the week of pedaling.
"What do you have planned for the weekend?"
So many of those questions... my answer? nothing, i'll be working.
Bikes?
I'll have new drive train on Wed maybe.
I could probably ride the Klein for the first TT, or maybe ride the Paramount instead. Bikeworks is bringing it back starting next week.
A relief because now I don't have to feel bad about failing to follow through for everyone... someone else picked up the slack.
i've let the slack out everywhere... call it patient fisherman or over extended one hoping maybe to just land something on one of the rods.... likely land nothing but... i'll pay the line out...
things have been better, but worse/better/different, easier when i was ignored, more difficult when people say "hey where the fuck are you"
of course i'm doing this to sort of self protect, it was getting bad trying to interact on twitter, and then now I feel, given the absence that I'm the asshole who's ghosted everyone.
figures... who but me can take a self preservation action and turn it into a self destructive emotion...
oh well... theres a shit ton to do, we put the PO in for the insanely amazing microscope I went out to visit in PDX, the Hungarian specialist is pretty hot BTW. Unrelated to purchase to be clear. now somehow have to make the old shit work until then...
and somehow keep up with the demand of trainings that are pouring in faster than I can fulfill....
failing on all fronts...
fatter, slower, don't care, kind of liking the idea of saying fuck Cross... fuck that arms race... hire me to work if you can afford me, but i'm kind of feeling done with racing... i'd elaborate but I better not tonight....
or ever.
heddwch
G
PS... still haven't talked to any of my brothers, or my dad since they were all together for a week in CO... w/o me... nice that you all were able to coordinate it and shit... thanks for making me feel even more alienated than I thought possible... and thanks for continuing to...
good head space most of the week,,, failed to figure out one major scope problem and that piled on to everthing else... tomorrow is another day... a fresh start... wake up, make coffee and go to work.
and the next day and the next day.... #shrug
heck i barely broke 4 hours for the week of pedaling.
"What do you have planned for the weekend?"
So many of those questions... my answer? nothing, i'll be working.
Bikes?
I'll have new drive train on Wed maybe.
I could probably ride the Klein for the first TT, or maybe ride the Paramount instead. Bikeworks is bringing it back starting next week.
A relief because now I don't have to feel bad about failing to follow through for everyone... someone else picked up the slack.
i've let the slack out everywhere... call it patient fisherman or over extended one hoping maybe to just land something on one of the rods.... likely land nothing but... i'll pay the line out...
things have been better, but worse/better/different, easier when i was ignored, more difficult when people say "hey where the fuck are you"
of course i'm doing this to sort of self protect, it was getting bad trying to interact on twitter, and then now I feel, given the absence that I'm the asshole who's ghosted everyone.
figures... who but me can take a self preservation action and turn it into a self destructive emotion...
oh well... theres a shit ton to do, we put the PO in for the insanely amazing microscope I went out to visit in PDX, the Hungarian specialist is pretty hot BTW. Unrelated to purchase to be clear. now somehow have to make the old shit work until then...
and somehow keep up with the demand of trainings that are pouring in faster than I can fulfill....
failing on all fronts...
fatter, slower, don't care, kind of liking the idea of saying fuck Cross... fuck that arms race... hire me to work if you can afford me, but i'm kind of feeling done with racing... i'd elaborate but I better not tonight....
or ever.
heddwch
G
PS... still haven't talked to any of my brothers, or my dad since they were all together for a week in CO... w/o me... nice that you all were able to coordinate it and shit... thanks for making me feel even more alienated than I thought possible... and thanks for continuing to...
good head space most of the week,,, failed to figure out one major scope problem and that piled on to everthing else... tomorrow is another day... a fresh start... wake up, make coffee and go to work.
and the next day and the next day.... #shrug
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
no smackage
didn't make it out this june...
today something unexpectedly odd (eye issue).
but before that yeah I still wasn't going to go, just tired, and uninspired to go fast/hard. And ok with that right now. No riding muse, no functional desire to go fast right now.
BUT i did order new shoes today... TWO FUCKING PAIRS even. HELL YEAH.
My shimano's are destroyed, the bontragers are pretty fucking close on the heels....
Was tempted to go with the XC7 in red and blue/black but went with two pair of the blue black. Not feeling the red.
And my eye is bugging the shit out of me. Gdamit. Get me through the night and we'll see what happens in the AM.
Best case and i'll be at the eye doc and cancelling shit in the AM. or worst case, or at least in the case if my eye doesn't feel better in the AM. We'll see. Odd shit is that it is the other eye. not the one with the corneal scratch from the curly maple chip glancing off my cheek and deflecting under the safety glasses and grazing the center. Such a slight scratch that every once in a while when I get super dehydrated the eyelid has enough friction to remove the cells filling the scar and it takes about a week to heal.
This is the other eye.
And hey BTW, for the job i get paid most to do? I kind of need these fucking things.
New bike shoes though!
Cranks? we'll see, gotta check a few more distributors to find some 95 BCD 5 arm in a 44-48 size. Maybe then get the Surly cranks for the SSCX, maybe i just never have the White blue and Black blue in service at the same time.
Ideally I'd like to get the fork fixed for the paramount and make that one Road bike #1. Even if i go back to down tube shifters just to fuck with the god damn kids these days.
Wife being back has been really good, something's missing but much much less is right now.
What's missing? Cycling passion igniter. Over the years a few special people did that for me, Art? The Muse? same thing... But i can't blame it on anyone else, because more often than not both of those passions, racing and creating, were self driven. Working on that now.
The art is stymied. I need to get my Dad's book done before he's done. And given that I haven't talked to him since april and he doesn't return phone calls and my brothers were all out there in CO w/o so much as even calling/connecting with me kind of leaves a question mark. But the book is something I need to make happen.
Not sure how. Would be nice if I was still close to that old friend who self published photo books to ask advice of.
My Eye is buggin the shit out of me. Work is fucking insane (both places). granted I'm only really working 60-70 hr weeks, it isn't so bad. Could be worse. Maybe I'll take the 4th off.
Gotta do the routine service on the Van and the Wagon. Maybe that'll be the 4th project. Working on cars is a good Patriotic thing to do? Better gather all the shit from Rock Auto before the weekend!
The bike situation is kind of crazy, but, discussions with legally bound partner has made me really comfortable with SSCX. But I somehow, oddly timed, caught the twitter post of the dates. More than 50% are outside the drive to racing range... we'll see, if you know someone who wants to hire a CX race mechanic, send em my way. Very serious about wrenching being more of a priority than racing.
Suppose i should eventually get back on Twitter to push it... Nah, no one wants some know it all jackass who can fix anything and has years of practice handing off bikes in the pit being taught by the best euro schooled pros.... nah...
No market there.
Soon i make bike ride more than to work.
maybe....
till then? #shrug
i got a full plate, and an appetite supported by the mental knowledge that I can eat even more than I'm trying to.
Hey BTW... still decent head space, i'm a negative fucking melancholic grumpy unhappy regretting not realizing my potential before now...
okay, back to one eyed dinner cooking... ouch...
more water - stay hydrated motherfuckers... also - pickles , grillos , to increase water retention....
heddwch
G
today something unexpectedly odd (eye issue).
but before that yeah I still wasn't going to go, just tired, and uninspired to go fast/hard. And ok with that right now. No riding muse, no functional desire to go fast right now.
BUT i did order new shoes today... TWO FUCKING PAIRS even. HELL YEAH.
My shimano's are destroyed, the bontragers are pretty fucking close on the heels....
Was tempted to go with the XC7 in red and blue/black but went with two pair of the blue black. Not feeling the red.
And my eye is bugging the shit out of me. Gdamit. Get me through the night and we'll see what happens in the AM.
Best case and i'll be at the eye doc and cancelling shit in the AM. or worst case, or at least in the case if my eye doesn't feel better in the AM. We'll see. Odd shit is that it is the other eye. not the one with the corneal scratch from the curly maple chip glancing off my cheek and deflecting under the safety glasses and grazing the center. Such a slight scratch that every once in a while when I get super dehydrated the eyelid has enough friction to remove the cells filling the scar and it takes about a week to heal.
This is the other eye.
And hey BTW, for the job i get paid most to do? I kind of need these fucking things.
New bike shoes though!
Cranks? we'll see, gotta check a few more distributors to find some 95 BCD 5 arm in a 44-48 size. Maybe then get the Surly cranks for the SSCX, maybe i just never have the White blue and Black blue in service at the same time.
Ideally I'd like to get the fork fixed for the paramount and make that one Road bike #1. Even if i go back to down tube shifters just to fuck with the god damn kids these days.
Wife being back has been really good, something's missing but much much less is right now.
What's missing? Cycling passion igniter. Over the years a few special people did that for me, Art? The Muse? same thing... But i can't blame it on anyone else, because more often than not both of those passions, racing and creating, were self driven. Working on that now.
The art is stymied. I need to get my Dad's book done before he's done. And given that I haven't talked to him since april and he doesn't return phone calls and my brothers were all out there in CO w/o so much as even calling/connecting with me kind of leaves a question mark. But the book is something I need to make happen.
Not sure how. Would be nice if I was still close to that old friend who self published photo books to ask advice of.
My Eye is buggin the shit out of me. Work is fucking insane (both places). granted I'm only really working 60-70 hr weeks, it isn't so bad. Could be worse. Maybe I'll take the 4th off.
Gotta do the routine service on the Van and the Wagon. Maybe that'll be the 4th project. Working on cars is a good Patriotic thing to do? Better gather all the shit from Rock Auto before the weekend!
The bike situation is kind of crazy, but, discussions with legally bound partner has made me really comfortable with SSCX. But I somehow, oddly timed, caught the twitter post of the dates. More than 50% are outside the drive to racing range... we'll see, if you know someone who wants to hire a CX race mechanic, send em my way. Very serious about wrenching being more of a priority than racing.
Suppose i should eventually get back on Twitter to push it... Nah, no one wants some know it all jackass who can fix anything and has years of practice handing off bikes in the pit being taught by the best euro schooled pros.... nah...
No market there.
Soon i make bike ride more than to work.
maybe....
till then? #shrug
i got a full plate, and an appetite supported by the mental knowledge that I can eat even more than I'm trying to.
Hey BTW... still decent head space, i'm a negative fucking melancholic grumpy unhappy regretting not realizing my potential before now...
okay, back to one eyed dinner cooking... ouch...
more water - stay hydrated motherfuckers... also - pickles , grillos , to increase water retention....
heddwch
G
Sunday, June 25, 2017
resurrecting web logging one post at a time
Hahaha that would be funny.
But still... i checked into twitter yesterday, and once today after being off all week... seems strange an alien.
Sorry, not meaning to undermine your confidence or value in that as a connection medium.... but it doesn't work well for me....
mostly... well i'll cite these lyrics:
"Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?"
or hell i'll settle for a color TV that isn't a CRT, or a bike that isn't 10+ years old and broken...
but over the last few days two dead bikes are alive and one that had terminal drive train issues is mostly okay. and i started to look at the minimum shit i have to get to get back to the "hey not everything is falling apart" level... it isn't very minimal, but it is far more approachable than buying a new bike.
train of thought is vaporous tonight, here one minute, gone when i sit down to add a few more words...
haven't had a day off since when? oh well... what the hell would i do then? work on the cars or the house? right... probably. Oh well.
hopefully it won't be catastrophic
heddwch
G
But still... i checked into twitter yesterday, and once today after being off all week... seems strange an alien.
Sorry, not meaning to undermine your confidence or value in that as a connection medium.... but it doesn't work well for me....
mostly... well i'll cite these lyrics:
"Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?"
or hell i'll settle for a color TV that isn't a CRT, or a bike that isn't 10+ years old and broken...
but over the last few days two dead bikes are alive and one that had terminal drive train issues is mostly okay. and i started to look at the minimum shit i have to get to get back to the "hey not everything is falling apart" level... it isn't very minimal, but it is far more approachable than buying a new bike.
train of thought is vaporous tonight, here one minute, gone when i sit down to add a few more words...
haven't had a day off since when? oh well... what the hell would i do then? work on the cars or the house? right... probably. Oh well.
hopefully it won't be catastrophic
heddwch
G
Saturday, June 24, 2017
not a fan
of the SRAM Red stuff... or much of what they've done to be honest, i have no problem making it work and working on it but i'm pretty much done hanging the stuff on my bikes.
The Wheels of mine? dead. Gone, Done. hubs are pretty fucked rims are destroyed. No point in fixing either... it was fun while I had you 303s... you'll be missed.
Last week I put a new BB in the Black bike because it felt like it was detonating. Took out the bearings, one felt perfect, one a bit crunch but neither seemed close to essploding.
Put it together. Test ride seemd smooth and nice. 1 mile into the ride home, fuck it is back.
Tonight i finally decided to see if i could figure it out.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BVvXnLWjoc5/
And found that the carbon crank has unbonded from the aluminum interface on the spindle. AWESOME.
Tossed the SRAM 900 cranks on there (the ones with the pedals seized into the crank arms), chainring is worn to shit but then so it the drive train on the bike....
But it is functional... one more rideable bike.... kind of.
I built up an ALR 5 today. Fucking thing is way lighter than the Klein and that's with super shitty wheels.
And Now i'm gonna have to find two new cranks... (SSCX and the 94 problem eh? and now this)....
And potentially new pedals too if I can't get them out of the cranks....
I better head back in early tomorrow and crank out a pile of bikes.... its the only way i can figure out how to offset these casualties of overuse...
I mean I'd love to get a new bike.... it's been a while... The Surly SSCX doesn't count. It wasn't new, and needed a shit ton of work, and is still held together with luck.
And the Quantum Pro turns 20 next year....
Turned a corner only to be faced with the same stuff. But just turning the corner was good. Reminds me that the whole keeping on and keeping going is important...
so many fucking ellipses today...
it is gewilli.com... you should expect it,
heddwch
G
The Wheels of mine? dead. Gone, Done. hubs are pretty fucked rims are destroyed. No point in fixing either... it was fun while I had you 303s... you'll be missed.
Last week I put a new BB in the Black bike because it felt like it was detonating. Took out the bearings, one felt perfect, one a bit crunch but neither seemed close to essploding.
Put it together. Test ride seemd smooth and nice. 1 mile into the ride home, fuck it is back.
Tonight i finally decided to see if i could figure it out.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BVvXnLWjoc5/
And found that the carbon crank has unbonded from the aluminum interface on the spindle. AWESOME.
Tossed the SRAM 900 cranks on there (the ones with the pedals seized into the crank arms), chainring is worn to shit but then so it the drive train on the bike....
But it is functional... one more rideable bike.... kind of.
I built up an ALR 5 today. Fucking thing is way lighter than the Klein and that's with super shitty wheels.
And Now i'm gonna have to find two new cranks... (SSCX and the 94 problem eh? and now this)....
And potentially new pedals too if I can't get them out of the cranks....
I better head back in early tomorrow and crank out a pile of bikes.... its the only way i can figure out how to offset these casualties of overuse...
I mean I'd love to get a new bike.... it's been a while... The Surly SSCX doesn't count. It wasn't new, and needed a shit ton of work, and is still held together with luck.
And the Quantum Pro turns 20 next year....
Turned a corner only to be faced with the same stuff. But just turning the corner was good. Reminds me that the whole keeping on and keeping going is important...
so many fucking ellipses today...
it is gewilli.com... you should expect it,
heddwch
G
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Mobile updates
Easier this way... Keyboard not in reach now...
But the beer truck is functional again. There's still a giant pile of shit wrong with it, but the making it non functional problem is resolved.
N+1!!!
Except this fix doesn't get me out for smack down, doesn't fix the drive train issue with the worn old chain ring on the SSCX... Doesn't fix the fucked up SRAM red crank...
What to do now.
-redacted-
Life...
Life, so strange.
I read the student reviews today... Of the class, it was good, helped temper the disastrous rest of the day....
But one bike is working that wasn't before
Progress...
Can't ask for much more than that...
Heddwch
G
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Btw
If you think cheese is a killer.. look at the crackers... If you think butter is the problem
.. look at what you put butter on...
I'm tired, but good..
Feeling like things are turning around... Are they? Remains to be seen....
Today was gut check...
Not bad...
Good moments, bad moments...
Strange but good clarity? Yes
Life is..
Odd
But I took Instagram of it... It happened... So good
Good days? No pedaling., But hey shit is good. Ish.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
again...
no smackdown for me...
why?
Klein has paper thin tires on there, front brake is useless (carbon rim and old glazed carbon pads = no stop) Flatted the last time i rode that bike and yeah has a significant cut in the tread, and I have no other road tires that fit it.
Plan was to get the black blue back up and running.
Well. It was a great plan, when I thought it was just the bearings that were shot.
Took em out yesterday, one side felt pretty shitty, the other oddly smooth, even pressed into the BB shell.
But there was play that wasn't there before.
on both sides.
New bearings, test ride, smoooth. torqued down to max spec, rode home.... not a mile later... WTF is that i'm feeling...
shit...
left arm (on the SRAM Red that I have the spindle is bonded to the drive side, non-drive bolts on at 54nm)...
wiggly
fuck
get home... pull out my 10mm... i can't tighten it anymore...
Still like that.
Granted this shit is old. Has seen a good dozen BB bearing changes, but goddamnit... N-1 right now.
So lacking the resolve and will and mostly fear of confirming that i'm really actually n-1 even if i am not, i rode the Orange SSCX in to the shop... got to work, put shit together... 4pm meeting turned to 5pm mid-day... just before I left but before I'd had a chance to swap the drive train that I ordered for that bike... 5pm moved to 6... TIME TO CHANGE DRIVE TRAIN! SWEET
Took EVERYTHING OFF! Chain, single speed freewheel, chain ring....
went to put chainring on... i ordered a 110/130, cheap, wanted to try that tooth number.... holy motherfucking are you fucking kidding me? FOR FUCKS SAKE MOTHERFUCKERS! DAMNIT
94 FUCKING BCD ON THESE FUCKING CRANKS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
OF FUCKING COURSE...
even EP.... more old shit than any other shop in the NBX corp.... had ZIP ZERO NADA! NOTHING! I did find a biopace 52T NOS BCD and a 54t 110 BCD SR ring... ANYTHING in the 94 BCD? nope.
Well shit...
So yeah, I put the worn chainring back on... what the fuck else am I supposed to do, but new chain and new freewheel... almost smooth, way the fuck smoother than before...
Looked at new bikes... Raleigh has a sweet SSCX bike... 58cm (too small) expected in stock at the end of august, zero info on the one that would fit me... Trek has a few Cronus with the stranglehold SSCX drop out that Sven raced in PDX, but the built bikes are all Sram and not SSCX... and the frameset is cheapish but the parts kit is formidable.
Part of me is loving keeping this old shit working... source of pride, badge of mechanic's honor.
Watching a video clip of a Colonial? Bike racer dude winning the crit on a new Madone I just spend hours on line learning about at Trek U.... just underscored the divide.... I can't buy that kind of speed. I don't have the talent or the ability or time or passion [any more] or discipline (last one/two most key i suppose) and shit, i get it.
but i'm getting to be okay with it...
if it means, not racing much/at all? Well shit, that's a lot less gas money, entry fees and all that. I don't talk to anyone the rest of the year, does it matter then? No. Esp not lately with the year round party and crossover between road and mtn...
patience.... time...
gotta figure shit out...
also I checked... the orange jumpsuit is washed (still looks dirty, don't worry) and the seat/crotch is pretty damn thin, one more CX race wearing it and it could be gone, hell maybe even a pre-ride would kill it...
What am I good at?
Turning wrenches.
teaching microscopes...
i'd put taking pictures next but i'm not getting paid enough to call it pro level... but also I realize I don't completely suck at that either... definitely would say I'm a better photog than bike racer.
Directional crisis? Maybe...
I'm sailing in the dark, in the middle of the ocean... tradewinds are blowing, I can't see the stars, no idea if I'm on course... the night is long and the days are sunless and cloud most of the time, no chance for getting a good sight, but the vessel is seaworthy and is making steerage but not much more than that...
And you know what?
can't really ask for much more than that.
CX? yeah it is me, defines me, but does racing? I dunno... growing divide... the unbridgeable gap... distance, time... it is more rewarding being there in the pits for someone who just misses their UCI point than it is for me to be trying and failing to stay on the lead lap against professional masters like Myerson and McCormack. No disrespect meant to either of those guys, legit, they are hats off deserving of it all. Talent or hard work or perseverance plus passion or whatever combination it is... I was in the pits changing wheels for the Saturn 100 in East Lansing. Frank and Mark came out (duh it was the late 90s) crit, fast... the two of them lapped the field in i dunno, 25 laps or less, then hung out. Mark won.
I was in neutral service.... changing a few wheels and giving people pushes off...
Why talk about this now?
Dunno... mostly because I'm still struggling with wondering if it is even worth registering for another race... what's the point? My SSCX weighs easily 2x as much as 90% of the field. 3x as much as 10% of the field... What's the point of signing up to ride around and take beer feeds.... use the reg money to buy beer and ride around here.
Mojo...
burn out?
maybe...
keep coming back to Mike F's line in Pure Sweet Hell...
that's the hook...
the triple barbed one...
cutting the line doesn't remove the hook, but maybe wrenching will make the hook like a patch on the suit and something that is a piercing instead of a reminder of something else....
TOO DEEP?
WELL FUCK WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA TALK ABOUT...
also... twitter weirds me out now... realizing that it is some circle jerk safe space of people you're following who are doing way cooler shit than you, and and and whatever... stopped checking there....
and FB keeps telling me "you haven't updated your status in X (5 now?) weeks" yeah well I keep posting smackdown stuff... me updates? Meh.
But it makes for more lonely life, but then I get reminders that what I do reaches people, lots of people... and helps them.. Not trying to be a martyr, but somehow my stupid brain needs to be reprogramed to build confidence and self worth in that endeavor... IE renewable source of battery recharging that will keep me insulated from emotional shutdowns like your phone when you don't plug it in.
Weird day. But vacation day from picture factory (shit is gonna ramp up fast and hard soon... wait - the next 10 days are looking insane already happening)....
Brothers were supposedly flying out to CO today... haven't talked to them in weeks... left Dad a VM sunday... never got through.... looking at phone hadn't talked in a long while...
But then he does always remind me that it is a two way street... reaching out works both ways...
only seems that when I don't reach no one else reaches back... so my personal perspective is one that is very complicated and not very confidence building...
but it is also now late...
and while I rail against sugar, I do imbibe a beer or twenty... but then I don't drink before I'm home for the evening so... at least no insulin spikes during the day from the sugars...
but that's referencing stuff about people that I shouldn't care about
am I ok?
yes... just a little totally fucking frustrated with my bike shit but then on the other hand who the fuck has 180mm 73mm BB cranks around? Guess I hit ebay at somepoint... like bikes that fit me... unobtanium...
wish there was more of a realizable benefit that everyone says about being tall to go along with the challenges it poses for finding bike shit that works...
oh well...
things are good, shit's okay...
one foot and all that
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
heddwch
G
why?
Klein has paper thin tires on there, front brake is useless (carbon rim and old glazed carbon pads = no stop) Flatted the last time i rode that bike and yeah has a significant cut in the tread, and I have no other road tires that fit it.
Plan was to get the black blue back up and running.
Well. It was a great plan, when I thought it was just the bearings that were shot.
Took em out yesterday, one side felt pretty shitty, the other oddly smooth, even pressed into the BB shell.
But there was play that wasn't there before.
on both sides.
New bearings, test ride, smoooth. torqued down to max spec, rode home.... not a mile later... WTF is that i'm feeling...
shit...
left arm (on the SRAM Red that I have the spindle is bonded to the drive side, non-drive bolts on at 54nm)...
wiggly
fuck
get home... pull out my 10mm... i can't tighten it anymore...
Still like that.
Granted this shit is old. Has seen a good dozen BB bearing changes, but goddamnit... N-1 right now.
So lacking the resolve and will and mostly fear of confirming that i'm really actually n-1 even if i am not, i rode the Orange SSCX in to the shop... got to work, put shit together... 4pm meeting turned to 5pm mid-day... just before I left but before I'd had a chance to swap the drive train that I ordered for that bike... 5pm moved to 6... TIME TO CHANGE DRIVE TRAIN! SWEET
Took EVERYTHING OFF! Chain, single speed freewheel, chain ring....
went to put chainring on... i ordered a 110/130, cheap, wanted to try that tooth number.... holy motherfucking are you fucking kidding me? FOR FUCKS SAKE MOTHERFUCKERS! DAMNIT
94 FUCKING BCD ON THESE FUCKING CRANKS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
OF FUCKING COURSE...
even EP.... more old shit than any other shop in the NBX corp.... had ZIP ZERO NADA! NOTHING! I did find a biopace 52T NOS BCD and a 54t 110 BCD SR ring... ANYTHING in the 94 BCD? nope.
Well shit...
So yeah, I put the worn chainring back on... what the fuck else am I supposed to do, but new chain and new freewheel... almost smooth, way the fuck smoother than before...
Looked at new bikes... Raleigh has a sweet SSCX bike... 58cm (too small) expected in stock at the end of august, zero info on the one that would fit me... Trek has a few Cronus with the stranglehold SSCX drop out that Sven raced in PDX, but the built bikes are all Sram and not SSCX... and the frameset is cheapish but the parts kit is formidable.
Part of me is loving keeping this old shit working... source of pride, badge of mechanic's honor.
Watching a video clip of a Colonial? Bike racer dude winning the crit on a new Madone I just spend hours on line learning about at Trek U.... just underscored the divide.... I can't buy that kind of speed. I don't have the talent or the ability or time or passion [any more] or discipline (last one/two most key i suppose) and shit, i get it.
but i'm getting to be okay with it...
if it means, not racing much/at all? Well shit, that's a lot less gas money, entry fees and all that. I don't talk to anyone the rest of the year, does it matter then? No. Esp not lately with the year round party and crossover between road and mtn...
patience.... time...
gotta figure shit out...
also I checked... the orange jumpsuit is washed (still looks dirty, don't worry) and the seat/crotch is pretty damn thin, one more CX race wearing it and it could be gone, hell maybe even a pre-ride would kill it...
What am I good at?
Turning wrenches.
teaching microscopes...
i'd put taking pictures next but i'm not getting paid enough to call it pro level... but also I realize I don't completely suck at that either... definitely would say I'm a better photog than bike racer.
Directional crisis? Maybe...
I'm sailing in the dark, in the middle of the ocean... tradewinds are blowing, I can't see the stars, no idea if I'm on course... the night is long and the days are sunless and cloud most of the time, no chance for getting a good sight, but the vessel is seaworthy and is making steerage but not much more than that...
And you know what?
can't really ask for much more than that.
CX? yeah it is me, defines me, but does racing? I dunno... growing divide... the unbridgeable gap... distance, time... it is more rewarding being there in the pits for someone who just misses their UCI point than it is for me to be trying and failing to stay on the lead lap against professional masters like Myerson and McCormack. No disrespect meant to either of those guys, legit, they are hats off deserving of it all. Talent or hard work or perseverance plus passion or whatever combination it is... I was in the pits changing wheels for the Saturn 100 in East Lansing. Frank and Mark came out (duh it was the late 90s) crit, fast... the two of them lapped the field in i dunno, 25 laps or less, then hung out. Mark won.
I was in neutral service.... changing a few wheels and giving people pushes off...
Why talk about this now?
Dunno... mostly because I'm still struggling with wondering if it is even worth registering for another race... what's the point? My SSCX weighs easily 2x as much as 90% of the field. 3x as much as 10% of the field... What's the point of signing up to ride around and take beer feeds.... use the reg money to buy beer and ride around here.
Mojo...
burn out?
maybe...
keep coming back to Mike F's line in Pure Sweet Hell...
that's the hook...
the triple barbed one...
cutting the line doesn't remove the hook, but maybe wrenching will make the hook like a patch on the suit and something that is a piercing instead of a reminder of something else....
TOO DEEP?
WELL FUCK WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA TALK ABOUT...
also... twitter weirds me out now... realizing that it is some circle jerk safe space of people you're following who are doing way cooler shit than you, and and and whatever... stopped checking there....
and FB keeps telling me "you haven't updated your status in X (5 now?) weeks" yeah well I keep posting smackdown stuff... me updates? Meh.
But it makes for more lonely life, but then I get reminders that what I do reaches people, lots of people... and helps them.. Not trying to be a martyr, but somehow my stupid brain needs to be reprogramed to build confidence and self worth in that endeavor... IE renewable source of battery recharging that will keep me insulated from emotional shutdowns like your phone when you don't plug it in.
Weird day. But vacation day from picture factory (shit is gonna ramp up fast and hard soon... wait - the next 10 days are looking insane already happening)....
Brothers were supposedly flying out to CO today... haven't talked to them in weeks... left Dad a VM sunday... never got through.... looking at phone hadn't talked in a long while...
But then he does always remind me that it is a two way street... reaching out works both ways...
only seems that when I don't reach no one else reaches back... so my personal perspective is one that is very complicated and not very confidence building...
but it is also now late...
and while I rail against sugar, I do imbibe a beer or twenty... but then I don't drink before I'm home for the evening so... at least no insulin spikes during the day from the sugars...
but that's referencing stuff about people that I shouldn't care about
am I ok?
yes... just a little totally fucking frustrated with my bike shit but then on the other hand who the fuck has 180mm 73mm BB cranks around? Guess I hit ebay at somepoint... like bikes that fit me... unobtanium...
wish there was more of a realizable benefit that everyone says about being tall to go along with the challenges it poses for finding bike shit that works...
oh well...
things are good, shit's okay...
one foot and all that
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
heddwch
G
Sunday, June 18, 2017
C M approved
Mel's mullet...
Good dad movies... But good GeWilli movies? No.
Last year my dad called to say he had Parkinson's, on father's day.
This year I called.... Left voice mail. Some how my three brothers coordinated together to fly to CO but let me know only after it was too late.
This is way better than Twitter, esp since most of the five lake checking this won't until Monday....
Might as well have a couple more beers...
Heddwch
G
Watching commercial TV
Holy shit.. cancer/diabetes STOP EATING MORE THAN 25G OF CARBS A DAY...
INSULIN SHOCK? HEY HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T EAT THAT FUCKING SUGAR?
sorry... Trigger...
How is it that people who are supposed to get this, don't.
How is it people don't get it? Why do you need insulin? Because you eat the sugar. How about not eating the sugar?
Somethings never change...
Sugar is still the enemy...
But most of you thing orange juice is healthy...
You're fucking idiots...
And.. I don't care anymore. I suggested to Chris M maybe skip the sugar heavy smoothies... And he's dead... Killed himself.
Maybe if I hadn't tried to help, maybe he'd be here, addicted to fruit morning smoothies is better than dead...
It is a shitty day.
Y'all be good.
Even if you decide against the advice... Science is not engineering, science is flexible, happy and willing to be wrong. Because being wrong means agreeing with facts.
You decide.
Today sucked.
But no worse than most. I got a handful of bikes built. Starting to offset Nationals for the youngest, rock band camp for the other.
I do what I do for them.
Every day.
Every fucking day.
For them.
What ever it takes.,
Heddwch
G
Well shit
Lethal Weapon marathon? Even with commercials sign me up although... I'm not sure I'm gonna make it till #4...
HFD at least to those who are them and all that....
I worked, did grocery shopping, called my Dads now time to start cooking my dinner.
Heddwch
G
Friday, June 16, 2017
huh
well, i had a couple beers (yeah whatever, i like beer) and clicked on the twitter bookmark....
didn't make it 5 seconds of scrolling before I closed the tab and took a big drink.
THIS IS A TWEET IN OLD MAN FORM... aka before people were all in on 140 and using it for everything...
the rain on the ride home was awesome... effortlessly pedaling at stupid cadence with that ridiculously low gear... no tailwind, but still sub 30...
and best was no one on the path.
arm warmers and windvest in mid-june? WTF? but it is still raining...
raining hard. I'll take it i guess. better than the start of the week at near triple digits.
heddwch
G
didn't make it 5 seconds of scrolling before I closed the tab and took a big drink.
THIS IS A TWEET IN OLD MAN FORM... aka before people were all in on 140 and using it for everything...
the rain on the ride home was awesome... effortlessly pedaling at stupid cadence with that ridiculously low gear... no tailwind, but still sub 30...
and best was no one on the path.
arm warmers and windvest in mid-june? WTF? but it is still raining...
raining hard. I'll take it i guess. better than the start of the week at near triple digits.
heddwch
G
David Gilmour Comfortably Numb Guitar Solo in HD!
sometimes watching movies in an altered state is good. One example, Pappillion. HFS amazing rapt attention from start to finish altered. Intense and powerful. Unaltered, damn this is slow and long and lets get to the good stuff...
The Wall... now the wall holds up both ways...
and this guitar solo kind of doesn't suck.
Time to ride home in the rain, i've delayed it too long as it is...
heddwch
G
obsessive addictive behavior
pays off sometimes, well i dunno about that, when did I start the Trek U stuff? couple days ago, made it to Ninja today... figured I'd take a look at the benefits and the discounts (aka employee purchase program)... need new shoes, they ain't got no mtb shoes in my size... oh there is one pair, and they are bright fucking red. not my favorite but guess i'll have to wait and see. also there's a couple Boones in my size, but one is the canti Race Shop Limited one and the other is a '16 disc with sram stuff. nothing else.
oh well... the shop management wanted everyone to be ninjas, i made it woot!
got the last couple modules done today between waiting for email responses and over lunch.
was maybe going to bring the dogs in to work but a bit too crazy, kind of feel like leaving early, but there's a bit too much going on.
sitting down to write instead of opening Twitter or FB. haven't looked at the first since yesterday... talk about breaking the OAB ... or at least switching it up for something else.
Now to get back to S-tec and get back to above that 75% level. Scheduling everything is a bit overwhelming. But hey, i've been slowly getting back to caught up, actually may almost be. Took long enough. not caught up with the riding, that's been sliding but is okay.
Of course i write about almost getting caught up then I remember a few things... oops.
oh well...
Looking forward to getting the prints up over at the Brewery, finally connected with Paul on the phone today...
small steps
heddwch
G
oh well... the shop management wanted everyone to be ninjas, i made it woot!
got the last couple modules done today between waiting for email responses and over lunch.
was maybe going to bring the dogs in to work but a bit too crazy, kind of feel like leaving early, but there's a bit too much going on.
sitting down to write instead of opening Twitter or FB. haven't looked at the first since yesterday... talk about breaking the OAB ... or at least switching it up for something else.
Now to get back to S-tec and get back to above that 75% level. Scheduling everything is a bit overwhelming. But hey, i've been slowly getting back to caught up, actually may almost be. Took long enough. not caught up with the riding, that's been sliding but is okay.
Of course i write about almost getting caught up then I remember a few things... oops.
oh well...
Looking forward to getting the prints up over at the Brewery, finally connected with Paul on the phone today...
small steps
heddwch
G
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
not ninja yet
but getting there...
for the first time today I checked into twitter...
first time i was like "what is this shit soup, i don't like it"
I tried to spend lunch and a few defined down moments working on ninja today, but it was insane, two/three problems/consults at once, literally. and usually it is once at a time with time between... lately? nope.
Oh you thought you could do this? nope.
This?
Nope
how about
nope....
endlessly... nope...
trying to balance everything, not doing too bad of a job, not having the worst time... able to say "yup, i don't know shit but lets see what I can do" coupled with "yes i can help but it isn't an easy answer lets see if we can get through it w/o interruption"
next week will be interesting, both being here with my oldest just the two of us and not being in CO with my brothers.... if I step back clinically i see it as a very exciting time to reveal more insights...
right now i'm gonna try and sleep... not riding much lately but still kicking my own ass non-stop...
super lame blog post but fuck that critique... it is what it is and dumb as it is, it is... take up your objections with anyone who comments on this bullshit
heddwch
G
for the first time today I checked into twitter...
first time i was like "what is this shit soup, i don't like it"
I tried to spend lunch and a few defined down moments working on ninja today, but it was insane, two/three problems/consults at once, literally. and usually it is once at a time with time between... lately? nope.
Oh you thought you could do this? nope.
This?
Nope
how about
nope....
endlessly... nope...
trying to balance everything, not doing too bad of a job, not having the worst time... able to say "yup, i don't know shit but lets see what I can do" coupled with "yes i can help but it isn't an easy answer lets see if we can get through it w/o interruption"
next week will be interesting, both being here with my oldest just the two of us and not being in CO with my brothers.... if I step back clinically i see it as a very exciting time to reveal more insights...
right now i'm gonna try and sleep... not riding much lately but still kicking my own ass non-stop...
super lame blog post but fuck that critique... it is what it is and dumb as it is, it is... take up your objections with anyone who comments on this bullshit
heddwch
G
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
ninja time
well...
if you're not engaging in social media (aka twitter and facebook) suddenly there is a void to fill...
obsessively working towards Trek Ninja status.... also trying to get back to platinum S-tec after too long of doing one or two modules a month. Also Trek's is annoying, have to get everything 100%, at last S-tech is settling for 80%. And yes, full disclosure, in the beginning I was retaking the s-tech until i hit 100%, because it mattered to me. Now? GIMME 80% (which on a 9 question quiz is an unfortunately tight margin).
I could read a book but am in between ability to sink into book moments.
also bailed on Smackdown tonight. Weather looks like they pulled it off but I'm not ready to go and bike wasn't either, I do hope Pete gets me the new drive train before the single speed explodes. Yeah, it is on order, sure I could have just paid 2x as much on the internets and all that and been done but yeah no.
It'll survive... maybe....
getting pretty loud.
I have bearings for the beer truck's headset. I've got bearings for the black blue. Beer Truck's are easier to replace, but gonna make it a priority to get them both running before the end of the day Sunday, somehow.
Dinner then some educational videos.
heddwch
G
if you're not engaging in social media (aka twitter and facebook) suddenly there is a void to fill...
obsessively working towards Trek Ninja status.... also trying to get back to platinum S-tec after too long of doing one or two modules a month. Also Trek's is annoying, have to get everything 100%, at last S-tech is settling for 80%. And yes, full disclosure, in the beginning I was retaking the s-tech until i hit 100%, because it mattered to me. Now? GIMME 80% (which on a 9 question quiz is an unfortunately tight margin).
I could read a book but am in between ability to sink into book moments.
also bailed on Smackdown tonight. Weather looks like they pulled it off but I'm not ready to go and bike wasn't either, I do hope Pete gets me the new drive train before the single speed explodes. Yeah, it is on order, sure I could have just paid 2x as much on the internets and all that and been done but yeah no.
It'll survive... maybe....
getting pretty loud.
I have bearings for the beer truck's headset. I've got bearings for the black blue. Beer Truck's are easier to replace, but gonna make it a priority to get them both running before the end of the day Sunday, somehow.
Dinner then some educational videos.
heddwch
G
Monday, June 12, 2017
baby steps
at this point with as fucked up as shit has gotten tonight over stuff that is pretty trivial but most absolutely important to some but less to to us much less athletically inclined... well
I've refrained from blasting a string of shit from the private twitters... as in I really wanted to, but then didn't.
not that posting here is better but it is a release, esp since there's literally probably one or two people i can talk about this with and they both probably need a long explanation to get it if then and it is unlikely to convey properly.
And now just handed a card to my kids from my 100+ year old grandmother
disarmed but maybe less so... and just sad and feeling like a failure for not flying the kids across the country routinely to see her... second guessing choices is what i do best BTW. but hopefully long term investment choices are worth it, but as with life, you never know.
The choices you make.
The are, you deal... you move forward.
Or you move on, in what ever direction shit sets you on...
not sure really how to wrestle with the next week, my brothers, yeah all three, w/o me are flying out to Denver to drive together to Saguache to be with my dad for a week... E and the youngest are going to be gone for all but two of those days and my oldest is here, no driver's license with the dogs and yeah... well... adding to it obligations and commitments of being one driver family with dogs at home mean Saturday plans are out the window and Sunday? that's a stupid day anyway. FUCK the patriarchy. Fuck those guys.... bunch of assholes anyway.
At least I'll be in a better mood in the morning, can't sleep worse than I did last night. Hey AC is pretty solid
Never have I switched from Heat to Cool without weeks of "off" in between. Always a first.... struggle mode but hey, whatever, that's life, I'm a welsh dragon.. we carry the fuck on, and still survive....
if i was to get a tattoo (not that i could decide where or which one or stylized or flag) that would be my first tattoo... size and location relative to cost and all that....
Probably would do a St David's day leek, probably a daffodil too... awesome plants and dragons... pretty solid Welsh Botanist theme...
dreaming is fun, maybe i'll by a lottery ticket because well you can't win if you don't and the mental benefit of thinking you might is supposed to be worth something... right?
Still probably won't buy one though... bad math.
Tomorrow is a new day, eh?
Heddwch
G
I've refrained from blasting a string of shit from the private twitters... as in I really wanted to, but then didn't.
not that posting here is better but it is a release, esp since there's literally probably one or two people i can talk about this with and they both probably need a long explanation to get it if then and it is unlikely to convey properly.
And now just handed a card to my kids from my 100+ year old grandmother
disarmed but maybe less so... and just sad and feeling like a failure for not flying the kids across the country routinely to see her... second guessing choices is what i do best BTW. but hopefully long term investment choices are worth it, but as with life, you never know.
The choices you make.
The are, you deal... you move forward.
Or you move on, in what ever direction shit sets you on...
not sure really how to wrestle with the next week, my brothers, yeah all three, w/o me are flying out to Denver to drive together to Saguache to be with my dad for a week... E and the youngest are going to be gone for all but two of those days and my oldest is here, no driver's license with the dogs and yeah... well... adding to it obligations and commitments of being one driver family with dogs at home mean Saturday plans are out the window and Sunday? that's a stupid day anyway. FUCK the patriarchy. Fuck those guys.... bunch of assholes anyway.
At least I'll be in a better mood in the morning, can't sleep worse than I did last night. Hey AC is pretty solid
Never have I switched from Heat to Cool without weeks of "off" in between. Always a first.... struggle mode but hey, whatever, that's life, I'm a welsh dragon.. we carry the fuck on, and still survive....
if i was to get a tattoo (not that i could decide where or which one or stylized or flag) that would be my first tattoo... size and location relative to cost and all that....
Probably would do a St David's day leek, probably a daffodil too... awesome plants and dragons... pretty solid Welsh Botanist theme...
dreaming is fun, maybe i'll by a lottery ticket because well you can't win if you don't and the mental benefit of thinking you might is supposed to be worth something... right?
Still probably won't buy one though... bad math.
Tomorrow is a new day, eh?
Heddwch
G
Sunday, June 11, 2017
fat mechanic
btw - i'm pretty close to saying fuck it with the racing of bikes and being just a fat mechanic...
i can go head to head in speed and knowledge with pretty much anyone wrench out there, yes there are plenty better/smarter than me by honestly, not that many....
mojo for racing/riding/training has been leached somehow...
this would be a tweet but has too many words, although I am also confident i could craft 140 characters to say it... still on twitter ban.
no one asks if i want to ride, not that they ever had, seems I always was the one asking....
maybe i'll pull it together in time to find some fitness before CX rolls around...
doubtful though.
it is what it is.... resigned to the long term investment....
at least dinner will be finished before the sun sets tonight.
heddwch
G
i can go head to head in speed and knowledge with pretty much anyone wrench out there, yes there are plenty better/smarter than me by honestly, not that many....
mojo for racing/riding/training has been leached somehow...
this would be a tweet but has too many words, although I am also confident i could craft 140 characters to say it... still on twitter ban.
no one asks if i want to ride, not that they ever had, seems I always was the one asking....
maybe i'll pull it together in time to find some fitness before CX rolls around...
doubtful though.
it is what it is.... resigned to the long term investment....
at least dinner will be finished before the sun sets tonight.
heddwch
G
Coffee Ice Cream
Is it not the best?
I make most of the ice cream we eat in this house, not that we eat much, not that I eat any, but organic milk and cream and sugar and vanilla? I dunno, pretty much that's all that goes in there, read a label of most of the stuff out there.... more than 4 ingredients I bet.
But I hadn't made coffee Ice cream in a while, the oldest requested it, but ran out of time last night, made it this morning.
searched for ratio, i'd made it many times once finding the secret. but i guess hadn't written it down.
The secret?
Good (in this case some hipster fairtrade) Instant Coffee. Yup. You heard me right. Instant coffee.
Why? well you can dissolve that shit in Milk and milk is the base for Ice cream (unless you have shitty low fat content heavy cream then milk is a diluter. Organic Valley's Heavy cream is heavier than anything i've tired (short of buying raw and separating it myself, haven't done that yet).
I mean I love milk fat but using the 2 cup cream to 1 cup whole milk with that stuff is like making sweet vanilla flavored butter.
So a million years ago I stumbled on the 1 cup OVHC and 2 cups whole milk.
to make the coffee ice cream I put 4 teaspoons of the instant coffee in the milk, and 8 tablespoons of sugar. Dissolve both in milk (shake, heat, whatever) once dissolved cool that milk back down in the fridge. When it is all ready (cold and dissolved) add one cup of the OVHC (organic valley heavy cream if you hadn't figured that out yet) and 2 teaspoons of vanilla (good shit, fancy stuff) and mix it up. Put in ice cream maker (the cuisinart one is pretty fucking badass and i've been using it for 15+ years w/o hitch).
And that's how you make coffee ice cream.
Chocolate? skip the instant coffee and dissolve 1/2 cup of cocoa powder in the milk...
keep the shit simple and shit tastes good with very little effort.
Also.... tag in for those following along. I am not sure if it is good to spend so much time alone with my thoughts building bikes. But, bikes means i'm less broke...
heddwch
G
I make most of the ice cream we eat in this house, not that we eat much, not that I eat any, but organic milk and cream and sugar and vanilla? I dunno, pretty much that's all that goes in there, read a label of most of the stuff out there.... more than 4 ingredients I bet.
But I hadn't made coffee Ice cream in a while, the oldest requested it, but ran out of time last night, made it this morning.
searched for ratio, i'd made it many times once finding the secret. but i guess hadn't written it down.
The secret?
Good (in this case some hipster fairtrade) Instant Coffee. Yup. You heard me right. Instant coffee.
Why? well you can dissolve that shit in Milk and milk is the base for Ice cream (unless you have shitty low fat content heavy cream then milk is a diluter. Organic Valley's Heavy cream is heavier than anything i've tired (short of buying raw and separating it myself, haven't done that yet).
I mean I love milk fat but using the 2 cup cream to 1 cup whole milk with that stuff is like making sweet vanilla flavored butter.
So a million years ago I stumbled on the 1 cup OVHC and 2 cups whole milk.
to make the coffee ice cream I put 4 teaspoons of the instant coffee in the milk, and 8 tablespoons of sugar. Dissolve both in milk (shake, heat, whatever) once dissolved cool that milk back down in the fridge. When it is all ready (cold and dissolved) add one cup of the OVHC (organic valley heavy cream if you hadn't figured that out yet) and 2 teaspoons of vanilla (good shit, fancy stuff) and mix it up. Put in ice cream maker (the cuisinart one is pretty fucking badass and i've been using it for 15+ years w/o hitch).
And that's how you make coffee ice cream.
Chocolate? skip the instant coffee and dissolve 1/2 cup of cocoa powder in the milk...
keep the shit simple and shit tastes good with very little effort.
Also.... tag in for those following along. I am not sure if it is good to spend so much time alone with my thoughts building bikes. But, bikes means i'm less broke...
heddwch
G
Saturday, June 10, 2017
continuation of a discussion
Those daily affirmations? I need to add a few to mine. Or just start doing them.
Talking with a friend, and yes I do that occasionally now, not as often as I used to, in fact far less frequently than before '14 rolled around, logarithmically in actuality. But that's neither here nor there and things change and people drift apart.
Okay, not intended for that to be anything more than a clinical evaluation and statement of what it is, no resentment/judgement or otherwise implied. I'm still making the adjustment but am at peace with it.
TO THE POINT! of the title...
I got solidly more introspective after that post i edited all the shitty sad depressing parts out of (i saved them as a separate draft so as not to lose them totally)... I was drawn out a bit by a left coast friend, afore mentioned yes.
He asked a question: If dinner was made, bikes were fixed, and money wasn't a problem... would that fix it? (no direct quotes, pulling from top of brain beaten down by the day). Gut and instant and long reflection? No. Those are things I can do something about was my reply then. But then if I can why not happy when. Today, clicked a bit, found my personality. Why drawn to cycling? long term investment, takes time, need to do stuff w/o immediate reward.
All this shit I'm doing is long term, and when I forget about it I get sad. But human nature and sometimes mine is to feel sad when everyone around me is getting instant, or short term rewards... something I'm not sure I have ever had, despite being aware of everyone else, but then someone probably can point to some short term rewards I've gotten. That's the other side of the razor. If short term reward received, feels undeserved. Appreciated, but undeserved and as such doesn't satisfy the reward and happy circuit of the brain. That coupled with who knows when the long term rewards happen = not the prettiest of pictures. Esp if you link in my cycling success. Outside of the fall of 2013 i've been horrible on the bike racing it. And even then? I was just passably competent compared to my CXy friends...
I've been thinking about this long term reward thing, and it has been helping my mental state/perspective. I've been struggling but never super dark or despair, okay there was literally one night a month+ back that actually scared me how bad I was, but scaring myself was enough to rebound enough to keep making sure my long term investments and actions to help others despite reward intact. It is a weird selfless plan. So contrary to most successful humans that it seems lessened. But fuck that. build your immorality by leaving behind impressions that will be remembered.
--
page break
--
I wrote this a good number of days ago, haven't been back to it since. Well I re-read it yesterday (I think, it was crazy, i think i read it while trying to quickly eat lunch) , but i didn't edit it but i did think, damn this shit is on point.
Maybe I read it on thursday? I dunno. Can't keep track. And now that the russian bots are in hiding the page views are appropriate.
my oldest kid turned 17 today and my youngest's team won the state championships this morning and is headed to nationals in July. In Indiana. I watched the game, then raced home and back to the city and then shopping and then home and then bike shop all the rest of the day then back to the city pick up kid then back home work hard on making dinner, but it was late because well i was late getting home although I could have been home and had someone else pick up K but well... that would have made sense.
corner turned? mostly. I think. completely? not even close.
I haven't ridden outside of commuting in a couple weeks. Maybe Tuesday'll happen. I'll have to ride the Klein again, old, heavy, non-aero, whatnots. I hate having such an equipment disadvantage, but on the other hand, this shit was prime at one point, even if i wasted it when I was younger and had the best bikes... too bad i never was able to match up to the bikes I had.
At least now the bikes are a good reflection of me, broken down, barely working, not fast, heavy, tired, worn out all the time. But still bikes. even if i'm down to two barely rideable ones. Bikes are still awesome.
New drivetrain has been "ordered" when it gets here? up to Pete and the next order from J&B.
i'm gonna hit post. Crack open a beer and find something entertaining on the internets and consume instead of create for a change...
heddwch
G
Talking with a friend, and yes I do that occasionally now, not as often as I used to, in fact far less frequently than before '14 rolled around, logarithmically in actuality. But that's neither here nor there and things change and people drift apart.
Okay, not intended for that to be anything more than a clinical evaluation and statement of what it is, no resentment/judgement or otherwise implied. I'm still making the adjustment but am at peace with it.
TO THE POINT! of the title...
I got solidly more introspective after that post i edited all the shitty sad depressing parts out of (i saved them as a separate draft so as not to lose them totally)... I was drawn out a bit by a left coast friend, afore mentioned yes.
He asked a question: If dinner was made, bikes were fixed, and money wasn't a problem... would that fix it? (no direct quotes, pulling from top of brain beaten down by the day). Gut and instant and long reflection? No. Those are things I can do something about was my reply then. But then if I can why not happy when. Today, clicked a bit, found my personality. Why drawn to cycling? long term investment, takes time, need to do stuff w/o immediate reward.
All this shit I'm doing is long term, and when I forget about it I get sad. But human nature and sometimes mine is to feel sad when everyone around me is getting instant, or short term rewards... something I'm not sure I have ever had, despite being aware of everyone else, but then someone probably can point to some short term rewards I've gotten. That's the other side of the razor. If short term reward received, feels undeserved. Appreciated, but undeserved and as such doesn't satisfy the reward and happy circuit of the brain. That coupled with who knows when the long term rewards happen = not the prettiest of pictures. Esp if you link in my cycling success. Outside of the fall of 2013 i've been horrible on the bike racing it. And even then? I was just passably competent compared to my CXy friends...
I've been thinking about this long term reward thing, and it has been helping my mental state/perspective. I've been struggling but never super dark or despair, okay there was literally one night a month+ back that actually scared me how bad I was, but scaring myself was enough to rebound enough to keep making sure my long term investments and actions to help others despite reward intact. It is a weird selfless plan. So contrary to most successful humans that it seems lessened. But fuck that. build your immorality by leaving behind impressions that will be remembered.
--
page break
--
I wrote this a good number of days ago, haven't been back to it since. Well I re-read it yesterday (I think, it was crazy, i think i read it while trying to quickly eat lunch) , but i didn't edit it but i did think, damn this shit is on point.
Maybe I read it on thursday? I dunno. Can't keep track. And now that the russian bots are in hiding the page views are appropriate.
my oldest kid turned 17 today and my youngest's team won the state championships this morning and is headed to nationals in July. In Indiana. I watched the game, then raced home and back to the city and then shopping and then home and then bike shop all the rest of the day then back to the city pick up kid then back home work hard on making dinner, but it was late because well i was late getting home although I could have been home and had someone else pick up K but well... that would have made sense.
corner turned? mostly. I think. completely? not even close.
I haven't ridden outside of commuting in a couple weeks. Maybe Tuesday'll happen. I'll have to ride the Klein again, old, heavy, non-aero, whatnots. I hate having such an equipment disadvantage, but on the other hand, this shit was prime at one point, even if i wasted it when I was younger and had the best bikes... too bad i never was able to match up to the bikes I had.
At least now the bikes are a good reflection of me, broken down, barely working, not fast, heavy, tired, worn out all the time. But still bikes. even if i'm down to two barely rideable ones. Bikes are still awesome.
New drivetrain has been "ordered" when it gets here? up to Pete and the next order from J&B.
i'm gonna hit post. Crack open a beer and find something entertaining on the internets and consume instead of create for a change...
heddwch
G
Tuesday, June 06, 2017
woops
Well... last night... talk about an unfiltered brain dump. I knew there was a few things I would be inclined to edit when I re-read it.
But was actually surprised at which lines I wanted to edit, then debating if I want to change it or just leave it as a raw reflection of the moment.
Kind of leaving it as the latter.
Waking up feeling pretty good. It was wet but not raining., Getting better at not looking at twitter/FB. But the new Instagram algorithm is killing me, I hate it. Gimme chronological order please. It is like they are trying to kill the original side and focus on stories only.
I didn't really take a break from this so much as just freaking have been going flat out.
Walking to the shuttle from the remote facility I got thinking... my job, I help people. All day. That's what I do. I don't make stuff, I don't have to hit goals or sales targets, I teach people how to use microscopes and then figure out why they aren't working. Yeah yeah, no big deal, I get it, used to it, but it is also different than many people's occupations. odd though that i thought about it at all. Other than it actually, even as silly and inconsequential, i invest heavily in it and it actually is kind of emotionally exhausting at times.
But hey rode in and it wasn't raining. Roads/path were soaked and puddling and lots of debris kicked up on the bike even with the fenders. Found out about a secret outdoor hose, so bike actually got all the shit washed off before going into the office to hand out all day. Bonus!
No smackdown because of rain. We were going to start the West side version, the OG Mark Nicholson one but rain? nope.
anyway...
maybe things will settle down and I'll get a chance to relax. Also i'm kind of bummed that I can't fly out with my brother to visit my dad... so that was kind of bringing me down. But it just means I'll have to carve time into the summer somewhere to head to Colorado. June's kind of already stupidly busy though. Supposed to have a lull. But well... this year is different.
every year is it seems...
heddwch
G
But was actually surprised at which lines I wanted to edit, then debating if I want to change it or just leave it as a raw reflection of the moment.
Kind of leaving it as the latter.
Waking up feeling pretty good. It was wet but not raining., Getting better at not looking at twitter/FB. But the new Instagram algorithm is killing me, I hate it. Gimme chronological order please. It is like they are trying to kill the original side and focus on stories only.
I didn't really take a break from this so much as just freaking have been going flat out.
Walking to the shuttle from the remote facility I got thinking... my job, I help people. All day. That's what I do. I don't make stuff, I don't have to hit goals or sales targets, I teach people how to use microscopes and then figure out why they aren't working. Yeah yeah, no big deal, I get it, used to it, but it is also different than many people's occupations. odd though that i thought about it at all. Other than it actually, even as silly and inconsequential, i invest heavily in it and it actually is kind of emotionally exhausting at times.
But hey rode in and it wasn't raining. Roads/path were soaked and puddling and lots of debris kicked up on the bike even with the fenders. Found out about a secret outdoor hose, so bike actually got all the shit washed off before going into the office to hand out all day. Bonus!
No smackdown because of rain. We were going to start the West side version, the OG Mark Nicholson one but rain? nope.
anyway...
maybe things will settle down and I'll get a chance to relax. Also i'm kind of bummed that I can't fly out with my brother to visit my dad... so that was kind of bringing me down. But it just means I'll have to carve time into the summer somewhere to head to Colorado. June's kind of already stupidly busy though. Supposed to have a lull. But well... this year is different.
every year is it seems...
heddwch
G
Monday, June 05, 2017
Frank Turner - Glory Hallelujah
Yeah...
is there a better refrain for the fuckheads thinking they are better than everyone else?
Clap your hands together motherfuckers
is there a better refrain for the fuckheads thinking they are better than everyone else?
Clap your hands together motherfuckers
distance
been trying to find myself... started writing four different posts. Didn't actually create a draft for any of them except 1. but that one isn't on blogger. it is somewhere else.
click over here - every post before the last has 100+ views, the last one only 15. Makes me laugh.
What to write about besides not writing?
Working, all the working, picture factory is crazy, building bikes and stuff, being at the other shop means I've already build more bikes in the last couple months than the previous shop has at this point by nearly 2:1. Means better $ but more pressure... gotta get them done. But getting them done means $...
but then i haven't ridden at all, with anyone really. May last year was what 1800 miles? what was may this year? fucking no where close. Not even one hundo the whole month.
Dropped to the second page over the weekend for the state in the National Bike Challenge. Very different than last year.
Everything is different.
words sometimes.....
respect to Frank Tuner, for putting words together in a way i wish I could.
for Against Me! and Rise Against and NOFX and the rest of the fucking music makers who've kept me going....
We'll play, everybody will sing... I won't sit down, I won't shut up, and most of all I won't grow up...
thanks Frank...
maybe i need a few tatoos.... if I could only decide......
life...
dinner is almost ready... will be ready sooner if i wrap this shit up and step away from the computer....
heddwch
G
click over here - every post before the last has 100+ views, the last one only 15. Makes me laugh.
What to write about besides not writing?
Working, all the working, picture factory is crazy, building bikes and stuff, being at the other shop means I've already build more bikes in the last couple months than the previous shop has at this point by nearly 2:1. Means better $ but more pressure... gotta get them done. But getting them done means $...
but then i haven't ridden at all, with anyone really. May last year was what 1800 miles? what was may this year? fucking no where close. Not even one hundo the whole month.
Dropped to the second page over the weekend for the state in the National Bike Challenge. Very different than last year.
Everything is different.
words sometimes.....
respect to Frank Tuner, for putting words together in a way i wish I could.
for Against Me! and Rise Against and NOFX and the rest of the fucking music makers who've kept me going....
We'll play, everybody will sing... I won't sit down, I won't shut up, and most of all I won't grow up...
thanks Frank...
maybe i need a few tatoos.... if I could only decide......
life...
dinner is almost ready... will be ready sooner if i wrap this shit up and step away from the computer....
heddwch
G
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